when a heart breaks, it doesn’t just break right in half and fall into the arms of the one you love.
it shatters.
it completely and utterly shatters.
each piece represents of some fragile memory, big or small.
when you had your first kiss.
that time you went out at four in the morning to get ice cream because you were craving it.
last month when you got sick and they kissed you anyway because they missed the taste of your lips.
memories like that break off separately.
each one of the million little pieces fall away into the past, never fully retrievable.
that is why when your lover comes back into your life, its never the same as before.
you can never love them as hard.
you can never see them the same.
you can never bring back all of the fragile memories and piece them back together because they only bring one piece of your heart back.
the rest
is long

You suffocate yourself
with the love
you cannot have.

You drowned bits of you
with the memories
you can never bring back.

You created a chain
and locked yourself up.
Your ribs are cages,
no keyholes on the locks.

And he’s there
watching you,
without you knowing.

He’s hurt too, but he knew
that one of you should initialize
that both of you should stop denying
for it’s acceptance that you need.

Nothing’s working.
No, not anymore.

—  f.j.c. // no more denying

anonymous asked:

could you write a canon piece? you haven't done one in a while, i don't even care whats its about, we've been given so much material.



holy wounds & holy wars (we can let it slide)

you heal me with a smile / lights out, i finally see you clear / so cool, so calm, so near / no fate, no words could seal / you’re magic & you’re real
—big deal, ‘pi’


after you walk from the arena, titus and indra kind of surround you a little bit and it feels, almost, like after your conclave, expect no one is rushing up to kiss you and tell you that they are infinitely proud, that you are good, that the world will always be better with you in it, that you’re ridiculous and small and arrogant and so very alive.


clarke is looking at you like you like you’re some sort of human, like you just did something big and important but like you’re still just a girl, maybe someone she could love, and maybe she knows you love her. 

she looks glad you didn’t die, in awe that you didn’t die, and you straighten your spine and refuse to limp even though adrenaline is leaving your body and it wants to slump in relief.

you don’t process anything but the politics of your actions while titus is speaking to you—it was a brilliant move, but you’ve always been good at those, you knew that—and indra says some logical things for your next moves, and you nod solemnly. you don’t exactly trust yourself to speak right now, like your voice might break, and it makes you feel younger, like when you were first called to be commander and hated every moment you had to make a big grand speech about war, about not going to war, and hope you didn’t mistranslate, or misspeak, or sound scared.

eventually, after not too long, you end up in a private room in the healers’ center, and you wait for maybe a minute before sina comes quietly into the room. you swallow and clench your jaw and she stands very still for a moment before she shakes her head with a small smile, like she would when she’d catch you running off with her daughter, your hands full of flowers instead of swords and scars and blood, and your tummy swoops and everything comes rushing forward in a second, hard, knocking the breath out of you like stone.

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You came to my life when I thought that love was just a word and forever was just a time.

I was just a simple being with a simple life, never believed to concept of change. I thought being effortless is just okay, free from worries and troubles. I’d seen the world as a continuous routine of life—you wake up, do things, sleep and wake up again. Plain and boring as it seems but that’s how I understood existence. Love, for me, was just a word without any special meaning. I thought loving someone is just a necessity. You love someone because you need it in order to live and satisfy the expectations of our world. You love because you call for each other to survive. Love, for me, was just a requirement of life. Time is something that you can never bring back again once gone astray. I held on to that principle and believed that forever was just a partial time that goes by. I’d heard it often from people and I witnessed how time left behind their forever.

But you came to me in the most unanticipated moment. I never knew that you’ll change the way I see things and understand life. You taught me that life might be a routine but life full of worries and troubles makes it better to live on. You made me realized that life is jam-packed of ups and downs and I should enjoy it like a roller coaster. You taught me to believe in the constancy of change, that, it is something that will make us better. Meeting you made me think that love wasn’t just a word or a requirement of life. Your presence helped me to understand the true essence of love and I’m grateful that I felt that kind of love on you. Loving you isn’t just a necessity but a want. I want you in my life for me to go on. You gave me the forever I never thought I’ll have. You made me hold on to that forever, and now, I learn to value time explicitly those times I spent and I will spend with you.

You came to my life and I will be forever grateful that it happened.

—  how you changed me

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. It’s like you’re giving the portion of your life that you can never bring back. Appreciate the people who do that for you

To those of you that knew me two years ago, you probably already know this. To those that don’t, let me enlighten you just a bit on this little project. 

Around the end of Winter 2012, a friend of mine decided he wanted to create a series of short films that had to do with the everyday scenarios people go through in most relationships. Some of these scenarios happen to be what almost all of us go through. Insecurities, Break-ups, Make-ups, Losing ourselves, Forgiving those who hurt us, Getting hurt over and over and over, and mostly finding happiness again. It’s taking a lot of time to get these films together and finding people to actually be able to enact it. I am greatly appreciative of mikestai for making me a part of this. I know it’s only a starting point, but his talent will get him very far later on in the long run I’m sure. 

The second part of the first film we did called “The Last Time” was supposed to come out on 2013, but because of conflict in schedules and other things that kept us busy, it took two years to finally be able to (almost) finish part 2. 

It’s crazy how looking back at the person I was two years ago, I can definitely say I changed both physically and mentally. There will always be a part of yourself you can never bring back with you once you go through a certain chapter in your life. And there is no turning back to try and claim the things that you’ve lost. You can only move on from there. That’s why I am really grateful for Mike for making me see the progressive changes in myself that took place 2 years in the making. 

Here is the first film:

I’m sure as you watch this, you will see how much people can change through the course of however many days, months, and years pass.