you-badass-motherfucker

It is a well-known fact that those who want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
—  Douglas Adams
Girl-lie You’re a Badass Motherfucker

Anonymous asked for a LONG Badass!Reader X Carl imagine.

Summary: Carl wants to kill Negan. Even though she’s a badass, (Y/N) thinks it’s a bad idea after what they saw.

AN: ‘hock-a-lugey’ means to collect mucus in your throat and spit it out. Also, I hope you guys enjoy. I’m not very good at writing badass’


Negan is a complete and utter asshole. It’s common knowledge among his Saviors, they all fear him because of it. The day he had rolled on on her group she had not shown her fear. It was clear to her that she would have to act with courage. He was no nice guy, and she would have to prove she wasn’t someone to play with.

When he had walked past her and Carl as they knelled side by side, Negan had called Carl a future serial-killer. Then, he had the nerve to make a joke about her being the serial-killer’s psychopath. Anger soaring, the girl ‘hocked-a-lugey’ at him. 

With a laugh he keeps walking, “Since I like your boy, I’m gonna ignore that. It’s outta the kindness of my heart, girl-lie.”


She sits up, heart pounding in her chest as she looks around the room. She sighs in relief as (e/c) orbs land on the beige walls of her room. Only a flashback, a nightmare, one of many since that night. He may think her a psychopath, but it could only be (Y/N)’s resting bitch-face.

The (h/c) rolls out of bed, stretching as she rises to her full height. (S/t) arms span out above her head and her mouth drops open to release a breath stuck within her lungs. Letting out a sound of content as her joints snap soundly back into place she struts out of her room. Since Denise was dead, and Tara wasn’t home, she had the place to herself. The eerie quiet of the morning, being the earliest riser of Alexandria, didn’t dissuade the girl a bit as she followed her daily routine. First, she would use her restroom for about thirty minutes, grooming herself and showering. After feeling good and ready, the girl steps out of the shower, pushing unkempt hair from her face. She dries off, dressing in one of the few pairs of clean clothes she has left; some dark denim jeans, a grey cotton shirt, and a plaid button up. 

Her boot heels click as she descends the stairs and slinks into the lonely kitchen, the stools are cold plastic. The air is solemn, and she can’t help but remember that Tara still doesn’t know anything thats happened. (Y/N)’s second, currently only, guardian was out on a run and would return in three days. She doesn’t know what to do for Tara yet, and she won’t know until the time comes.

For now, she settles on making herself some breakfast. When they had been supplied eggs from the Hilltop, she had been the first to ask Olivia for a carton. Eggs really weren’t her favorite thing in the world, but it had been some time since she had tasted one. As she sits at the counter, boiled eggs in tow, she revels in the nostalgia. The scent of bacon litters her senses, and as her eyes close she can just imagine her mom setting pancakes down at the bar before her.

Then her eyes open, and she is brought back to reality.

She is oblivious to the passing of time, sitting there, alone. Her ears are deaf to the sounds of the Alexandrian’s moving around outside. She is blind as Saviors enter her home and take her neighbors things.

It’s in that moment, she hears it.

“Why do you need those balloons, little girl?” 

Anger shakes her down to her very core as she slaps her bowl off the table. She storms outside with a storm brewing in her (e/c) irises. (Y/N) marches down the road towards the Savior who had decided to toy with Enid. She stops behind the brunette haired girl, a scowl on her face as she meets eyes with, a just as angry, lone blue orb. The hate in that one eye is almost enough to mirror her own as she looks the man up and down.

“Oh lookie here, the poor baby can’t fight her battles herself?” The Savior laughs, Enid looks back at (Y/N) unshed tears in her blue eyes.

“She can, but she doesn’t have to,” (Y/N) nearly growls holding herself back, “Why do you need balloons, huh asshole? Mommy never come to celebrate your birthday? Or, did she die trying?” 

The Savior’s smirk drops as he pulls out a knife and puts it to (Y/N)’s throat.

“You watch your tone, young lady.”

“Why? Did I hurt your feelings? Why don’t you run off like a good boy and tell your daddy Negan,” she sneers. The man looks at her with shock, fear momentarily flashes in his eyes. He doesn’t move the blade away until the girl reaches up and squeezes his wrist enough to make him drop the blade. His gaze lifts to (Y/N)’s angry face before he throws the balloons down in front of them both. After he disappears, her facade drops and she turns to Enid again. 

The poor girl looks like she could burst any moment. She knew how much the balloons meant to Enid, to Maggie. (Y/N) bends down and picks them up, with the green balloons in hand she turns back to the older teen and pulls her into a tight hug.

“It’s okay, Enid. Everything is okay.” She mumbles as Enid softly lets out a small sob into her shoulder. The moment doesn’t last long as they both pull back.

“Thank you, (Y/N).” She smiles, wiping her eyes as the other hands her the pack of green plastic

“That’s what family does, Enid.” (Y/N) smiles brightly as the other girls eyes light up. Their once hardened faces now only express happiness.

(Y/N),” The two girls turn to the knew arrival, Carl. Behind him, Rick sends the teens a look of disapproval. Of course (Y/N) knew his plan, she was all for following it until her family was in danger. 

“What’s up?” She shifts, eyebrow raised.

“They’re taking our guns, all of them.” 


She found herself in her house alone once again. The Saviors had left only an hour prior, and after a long talking to courtesy of Rick; ‘I understand why you did it, you just shouldn’t have.’ She had prepared herself a single serving of sloppy Joe, the leftovers tossed in the fridge for tomorrow and the next few days. Denise once told her sloppy Joe was Tara’s favorite, and it was the closest she had to ice cream.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

After a long moment, she glances over her shoulder at the door. She was only halfway through her meal when someone had interrupted. Swiveling back around in her chair she continues to eat after a shout of:

“It’s open!”

The front door slams against the drywall, whomever it was seemed to have no care for her drywall. Hopefully they hadn’t opened a hole.

“(Y/N), Enid climbed the wall.” Carl breaks the silence as he skids to a stop beside her. With as sigh she places her spoon back down. Would she ever get to eat?

And? She’ll be back later,” she just wants to eat the rest of her portion, “She always is.” Hurriedly, she shovels meat into her mouth.

“No she wont,” he adds now almost amused by her rush to eat, “She said she’s going to see Maggie.”

“Seriously?” With a groan, and only one spoonful left, she regrettably tosses her bowl into the empty sink. Her focus returns to Carl as she grabs his arm and tugs him from the home. She stops momentarily to grab a skateboard from her grass before tugging him over to the wall.

“What’s with the skateboard?”

Dramatic entrance.” The girl smirks, winking to him before throwing the board with all her might. It just makes it over the top before she starts climbing.


(Y/N) lets go of the bumper of the car as Carl turns into a stray walker. Her arms come up, ‘borrowed’ extra katana slicing through the head of another walker who was flanking a lone Enid. She skids to a stop, turning to face Enid who looked to Carl with a questioning look.

“We decided to take a drive,” Carl shrugs stepping out of the car. Enid can’t help but smile even as (Y/N) lets out a laugh and kicks her board up to catch it with her hand. 

“Alright love birds, lets get going.” She states sliding the katana back into the sheath tied to rest on her back. She doesn’t notice Enid’s blush or the frown on Carl’s face.


“Hey, (Y/N), come check this out!” Carl’s shout pulls the girl from her thoughts. Spinning around the (h/c) jogs over to him after shrugging to a curious Enid.

“Carl?”

“I found skates, want to skate with me?” He laughs jovially.

“I have a skateboard, why don’t you ask Enid?” As she turns around she is once again oblivious to the crestfallen look on his face.


“Carl, why don’t you just tell (Y/N) you like her?” Enid asks skating up beside him. (Y/N) had since taken the lead, she was by far the strongest of the three since Carl had lost his eye.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the look on her face looked as if she could smell the bullshit rolling off of him in waves.

“Carl.”

“She doesn’t like me.” He protests, shaking his head.

“Tell her when we get to the Hilltop or I’m going to tell everyone you’re a chicken!” She laughs shoving the boy playfully.

Shut up!” He grumbles shoving her back with a laugh.


“(Y/N) wait,” a hand lands on the girls wrist turning her around, “I have to tell you something.” She turns around, eyes meeting Carl’s lone momentarily. Her eyebrows furrow as she looks at him questioningly before lips are covering her own. She melts into the boy eyes fluttering shut as she leans into him. After a moment they pull back and search each others eyes.

“I love you,” a blush appears on both of their faces as they both speak up at the same time.

“(Y/N), I’m going to kill Negan.”

“What- what the fuck, Carl? You can’t just spring that on me after kissing me!” She shoves his shoulders lightly, only a little ticked off.

“Sorry, (Y/N).” He sighs eye dropping.

“I’m going with you,” She frowns defiantly. 

“No, stay here with everyone. You’re a badass, (Y/N). You should take care of our family.” He nudges her towards Enid who stands a safe distance away. She glares back at him, but she knows this isn’t over.


Just as the truck pulls away from the Hilltop, and Jesus climbs in the truck he is greeted by Carl.

Up above, (Y/N) grins, ain’t no boy tellin’ her what to do.

21 Jump Street sentence starters

67 starters
feel free to change gender pronouns
content warning: cussing, sexual themes, violence

  • “Oh my god… You’re not asking me to prom, are you?”
  • “There’s not a nice way to put it. You’re a fucking nerd.”
  • “You’re good at this, huh?”
  • “Hey, you want to be friends?”
  • “Get ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers.”
  • “You want me to beat your dick off?”
  • “Don’t run from me! You’re making it worse for yourself!”
  • “I’m not playing anymore! I’m so not kidding!”
  • “You got the right to… suck my dick, motherfucker!”
  • “This place is weird…”
  • “Keep that dirty dick in your pants.”
  • “They put this on the internet for everybody to see?”
  • “_____, I just really don’t want to fuck this up.”
  • “This house is adorable.”
  • “Oh my god, _____, did you do all this yourself? This is unbelievable!”
  • “Just shut up.”
  • “I think I shit my pants.”
  • “What the fuck are those things?”
  • “I’m so confused right now.”
  • “You don’t care about the environment? That’s kind of fucked up, man.”
  • “Oh my god. Relax, dude. Who cares?”
  • “Chemistry’s the one with the shapes and shit, right?”
  • “I was just busting your balls.”
  • “Wow. You’re fast. Not… like that. Just… let me check you out. I mean—”
  • “Okay, I’m not asking. Take it now or get the fuck out.”
  • “I don’t like that. Put your tongue back in your mouth.”
  • “Organized sports are so fascist. That shit makes me sick.”
  • “It’s backwards and unnatural, and it’s gotta be stopped.”
  • “Fuck you, man. I don’t need to tell you.”
  • “You saying we should throw a party?”
  • [phone call] “It’s so weird that you’re calling me. I pretty much text except for when a random old relative calls.”
  • “Wow. You’re a sharer. I dig that.”
  • “Where is _____, man? He said he’d be here.”
  • “Yo, this is butt. There’s, like, no hot dudes here.”
  • “Are you drunk? Have you even been drunk before?”
  • “Did you see that shit?! That was crazy!”
  • “Oh, shit… When did I get stabbed? That’s awesome!”
  • “Dude, I don’t know if that was a good idea.”
  • “I’m sorry, what are you getting mad at me for?”
  • “Shut your fucking mouth, you understand me? Shh!”
  • “I will straight-up punch you in the face if you do not shut up.”
  • “You’re so lucky your parents don’t give a shit about you.”
  • “Wow, that’s a bigger hug than I was expecting.”
  • “I just want to make sure that you and _____ are going to be careful with whatever it is you’re getting involved in.”
  • “Is that a code for sex?”
  • “I’m so happy that I met you.”
  • “God, just let me do my thing. I know what I’m doing.”
  • “Seriously, if you do that again, I’m gonna Whack-A-Mole you in the balls.”
  • “Get the fuck out of the car!”
  • “What’s wrong with you?! Run!”
  • “That’s right. Go to sleep, bitch.”
  • “You just got head-butted, motherfucker!”
  • “Are you fucking serious right now?!”
  • “What are you doing? Have you completely lost your mind?”
  • “You’re embarrassing me.”
  • “Worst best friend ever!”
  • “I don’t want to talk to you ever again.”
  • “Have some fairy dust, motherfucker!”
  • “You’re supposed to be my friend!”
  • “I would’ve taken a bullet for you.”
  • “I’m lost without you.”
  • “How do you ever expect to make any new friends with that attitude?”
  • “The only approval that I ever needed was my best friend’s.”
  • “You think I’m hot?”
  • “You’re a goddamn rock star.”
  • “I think you should be mad at more guys, because you deserve a guy who’s good and who doesn’t lie to you. You shouldn’t settle for less than that.”
  • “Thanks for saving my life. Asshole.”

anonymous asked:

jfc you are one badass motherfucker, you know that??? took a bullet to the fuckin neck and waltzed outta that bitch alive. mint eye & associates can eat shit and die tbhhhh

Hehe. Nice how you all think it wasn’t me who shot myself in my own neck.

anonymous asked:

i am having surgery soon, and its re all y terrifying to me cause they're gonna put metal rods in my back- sorry for asking, but do you have any reassuring words? ;o;

Stay strong, my friend! Deep breaths, take it one step at a time. You’re a badass motherfucker, and I know you’ll be alright. GOOD VIBES COMING YOUR WAY!

I’M FUCKING DEAD DONT TOUCH ME DONT COME NEAR ME
- THE MAN WE BOTH LOVE
- LOVE
- mrs hudson you badass motherfucker i’m in love w you
- hallucination!mary is the leader of tjlc
- SHERLOCK HOLDING JOHN AT THE END I WAS GENUINELY ON THE F LOOR
- not to be dramatic but sherlock crying and saying he didn’t want to die actually broke me inside i don’t think i’ll ever be the same again
- can the irene adler shit gtfo though i don’t care
i’m in too much of a state to make a proper list but those are some of my many feelings

Vengeance (Chato Santana)

words: 1,446

request: Request! El Diablo finds a teenager with almost the same abilities as him and takes her under his wing. Maybe he saves her from a bad guy too. :) Have fun!! 👋🔥🔥🔥  P.s your writing is boss! Keep it up!

requested by: anon

tagging: @aya-fay

Keep reading

I already posted the picture on the right a few weeks ago, but I wanted to say this…

Remember, this shit takes time and you’re human. You’re going to have set backs and you’re going to plateau. It’s fine. Enjoy the ride. Keep busting your ass and always be proud of yourself. You’re a badass motherfucker.

Five years ago on the left, two weeks ago on the left. 205lbs difference. Actually, I’m not even the same person.

It’s awesome.

Keep working guys. You got this.

PS - don’t ‘target belly fat,’ target being a bad motherfucker.

An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice, or terrify, all depending upon how we conduct ourselves today.
—  Jim Davis