you used to call me on my cell phone

so tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of the day my father was killed and i want to tell you a story

a little while after he died my little brother and i got cell phones. i got a sparkly new phone number but my little brother basically received a hand me down number- that is to say, the phone number that used to be attached to the spray foam business my dad owned. apparently, for YEARS, my little brother would regularly receive phone calls from interested customers looking for spray foam installation. we are from a small area and things aren’t updated all that often there, so it really did take about 6 years for the business to be removed from local advertisements/newspapers/phone books/etc. my little brother, being a responsible young man, would alert the interested customer that the business was defunct, and he would cordially hang up. 

i wasnt aware of this until he told me about 6 years into this happening. when he told me i remember absolutely ROASTING him because uhm CLEARLY that is such a good OPPORTUNITY to clown people? the possibilities are endless!!! and he was just wasting them!!! he could set up fake meetings with people!! im talking give em quotes and everything and at the end be like “oh…wait…sorry…i just remembered that our spray foam guy died a couple years ago. maybe try again tomorrow? he might be back?” burst into tears on the phone and confuse them!! conduct the entire phone call acting as if spray foam is a food product and not a portion of home construction!! the POSSIBILITIES THAT WERE BEING PASSED UP!

and that’s when my mother, who was witnessing this entire conversation, looked at me and said “taylor…there is a reason your brother got the business phone number and not you.”

anyways shoutout to my mother for keeping my chaotic tendencies in check for decades. the world is likely a better place because of her valiant efforts

If singers had a group chat together

Demi: We’re cool for the summer!
Justin: Where are you now?
Selena: I just wanna look good for you
Justin: What do you mean?
Selena: I’m so sick of that same old love
Justin: Is it too late now to say sorry?
Ariana: FOCUS ON ME!
Taylor: In your wildest dreams!
Demi: What’s wrong with being confident?
Justin: I’ll show you
Adele: Hello..
Drake: You used to call me on my cell phone
The Weeknd: I only call you when it’s half past 5

Written by @justyourproblemuniverse

Who are you really?

(I haven’t written in a while but your AU got my creative juices going. Thank you so much for it. So here’s what I wrote on my phone. Sorry for the errors that will be in it)

When it was first announced that the traitor of U.A. was discovered,  Aizawa was relieved. When his friend and roommate Hizashi first suggested it,  no one really wanted to believe him. Now with that open and the culprit caught in police custody, Aizawa had no doubt that Hizashi will be bragging about this for a while.

“Aizawa-san, may I have a word?” Nedzu, the principal of U.A. asked after the conference meeting he had so he could break the news of the traitor being caught.

“What is it?” Aizawa asked. He wanted to go home already and beat Hizashi home. The voice hero was on patrol right now for his hero work but Aizawa doesn’t doubt that he knows of the traitor being caught already.

“In my office if you don’t mind,” Nedzu cheerfully stated.

Shrugging,  Aizawa followed the animal to his office where he was offered tea. Aizawa declined and sat on the couch for visitors, almost tempted to pull out his sleeping bag right there and sleep the rest of the day away.

“I know you and Yamada-san are quite close,  roommates even correct?” Nedzu asked. Aizawa raised an eyebrow in answer which the principal took. “I won’t beat around the bush with this then. Did you know that Yamada-san was the traitor?”

Aizawa looked at Nedzu as if he had grown two extra heads. Hizashi? He’s the traitor?

“No,” Aizawa answered,  unsure though if that was a true answer or if he was in denial.

Nedzu continued to speak some more but Aizawa couldn’t hear him. Hizashi was the most pure hearted and loving person he knows. He has put his life on the line for so many people,  himself included. Hizashi was a hero through and through! Or so he thought.

“Aizawa-san?” Nedzu asked the fifth time when he noticed the eraser hero was focusing more on his hands than his words.

“You said that the traitor is in police custody?” Aizawa asked.

“He is,” Nedzu answered.

“Excuse me then,” Aizawa said.

Without any other warning,  Aizawa left the office and jogged towards the parking lot. He was still in denial as he ran to Hizashi’s car. Even though Aizawa has enough money himself,  he never thought about buying a car. There was too much traffic and it was simply much easier to take the bullet train. Hizashi was too caring though and hid his spear key just for Aizawa. He knelt down and reached under the car,  feeling for the duct tape. Once he found it, he ripped it off and grabbed the key. Starting the car, he opened his phone and called Hizashi’s cell.

“Hey there listener! Sorry I couldn’t come to the phone right now, but just leave me you’re name and number and I’ll get back to you. And remember, go Plus Ultra!” Hizashi’s voicemail greeted with the same hyper energy that was known to him.

“Hizashi, I just got told that you’re the traitor of the school and I’m on the way to the police station. If this is your way of a joke, I’m taking your vinyls and letting my students use them as target practice. This is not funny,” Aizawa threatened.

After hanging up,  Aizawa threw his phone in the passenger seat and book it out of the parking lot. He drove as fast as legally possible with only running one red light. Once he got to the police station,  he saw some ambulance there and a couple of people coming out, clinching their ears. Cursing, Aizawa didn’t turn off the car as he booked it out and went to the first police officer he saw.

“Where is the U.A. traitor?” Aizawa demanded.

The man looked at Aizawa with confusion as he kept rubbing his ears. A paramedic asked Aizawa to step aside just as another police officer called to him.

“Eraserhead,” Detective Tsukauchi called for him as he came out with a cat officer. “I didn’t think you’d be here so fast.”

“Where is the U.A. traitor?” Aizawa asked once more as he went to the officer.

“Yamada-san has-” Detective Tsukauchi started.

“Is he the U.A. traitor?” Aizawa asked.

Tsukauchi gave Aizawa an apologetic look as he nodded. “Yes. We were able to take him to the station but just ten minutes ago, he used his quirk even with us taking his directional speakers away. Everyone was hurt and have some balancing issues which Yamada-san took advantage of. He grabbed his speaker and ran off before we could do much more.”

Aizawa took a small step back then as if someone hit him and in a way,  someone had. Hizashi was so against using his quirk against civilians, always worried that he’ll cause them some permit damage. Hell,  when they did the exam tests he went easy on the two students and didn’t try to fight them in hope that they would just give up. Or at least that’s what Hizashi told him when Aizawa made fun of him for fainting.

“Most of the officers are out of commission, could you please help us track him down?” Tsukauchi asked.

Aizawa only nodded before going back to Hizashi’s car. He turned it off,  paid the meter fee, and then used his capture weapon to get to the tall buildings. If Hizashi was missing for only ten minutes,  then Aizawa will catch him and demand why he lied to him for so long.

At least,  Aizawa thought it would be easy. It was the busy day and no one had caught anything about Hizashi. The media was even already dragging his name through the mud,  calling the once loved hero Present Mic a traitor to his own kind. That made Aizawa want to have a stern talking to the media for shaming Present Mic and calling him guilty without a proper trial,  but he couldn’t. They were already saying that he must have changed his appearance. Hints were even there for after an hour after his grand escape, a hotel room was burned and Present Mic’s speaker was the only item they could really identify.

Now after searching for his friend for the last twenty four hours,  Aizawa was heading back to Hizashi’s car. He hoped that his phone was still in the passenger seat and that it held some charge. He wanted to call Hizashi again or his family to see if they heard from him. Just as he turned a corner, he bumped into a tall man wearing a hat.

“Sorry,” Aizawa absentmindedly said as he continued on his way,  not caring for the stranger.

“No,  I’m sorry Shouta,” a very familiar voice said softly.

Aizawa’s eyes widen as he looked behind him for the man he bumped into but he was already gone. “Hizashi!” Aizawa called as he ran around the corner. He began to fight the crowd looking for the missing hero.  “HIZASHI!” Struggle as he could though, Aizawa couldn’t find his friend and he wouldn’t answer him. In the end, Aizawa gave up and went back to the car. Unknowing to him that there was a black hair fellow sipping on some tea, watching him underneath a mole theme hat and dark sunglasses as Aizawa struggled to find his lost friend even though he was right there.

Don't mess with Mama.

I’m a single mom with 3 kids. We like to tease and joke around a lot. Okay, I usually start things, but the kiddos are quick to catch on. I’m also a huge horror movie buff with an extremely OVER ACTIVE imagination…

This happened just after the movie “Mama” had come out to DVD. Of course, I watched it (and LOVED it). I was sitting on the couch in the living room, reading a book on my kindle. It was late and the kiddos were supposed to be asleep, so I had all the lights off. I way reading a scary story and just as I got to a suspenseful part of the book, I hear a little girl’s voice whisper in my ear, “Mama”.

Keep reading

Land line
  • [Scene: Beth, age 10, has a friend from school over...]
  • Friend: "I need to call my mom but my phone battery is dead."
  • Me: "OK. You can use the phone over there."
  • Friend: [picks up the cordless land line phone and tries dialing with it] "This isn't working."
  • Me: "Do you know how to use a regular phone? Not a cell phone? But what some people call a land line?"
  • Friend: "Uh... I only know how to use a cell phone."
  • Me: "OK. So, with this kind of phone, you should press the green 'on' button. Then, when you hear the dial tone, you just dial your number, and wait a moment."
  • Friend: [blank stare]
  • Me: "Do you know what a dial tone is?"
  • Friend: "No idea."
  • Me: [muttering] "I feel so old right now."
6

We are the Crystal Gems!
We’ll always save the day!
And if you think we can’t
We’ll always find a way!
That’s why the people of this world believe in
Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl and Steven! 


You used to call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
Call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing 

Female golf course employee

Ok, so our POS system does not allow refunds if someone slides their card. Like LITERALLY DOES NOT ALLOW IT. There’s no button for me to push. No tab to click on. I can’t do it.

So this man comes in, buys tokens for the driving range and a soda. I tell him everything he needs to know about the range and then off he goes.

We also allow 2 middle schools and the high school to use our facilities, so their golf teams can practice. 99.9% they never tell me what they are doing that day and I can’t spend my time looking out the windows to see, because I’m busy doing my job.

So the man comes back in.

“You didn’t tell me the range was full.”

I lean over the counter to look out the window. Sure enough, packed full of kids.
I say, “Uhhh… Give me a minute and I’ll tell them to move.”

The reason I asked for a minute was because I had a line of customers to deal with, and since I’m the only employee, I have to lock up the building when I leave.

He says, “Nah, never mind. Just give me a refund.” and places his tokens and drink on the counter.

I tell him, “I’m sorry, but since you ran your card, I can’t issue a refund.”

Then he replies, “Ok, just give me a refund.”

I stood there for a good second, thinking my brain had crashed or something. So I say again, “I apologize for this, but since you used your card, I am unable to do a refund. The system won’t allow it.”

He stares at me and then says, “Yes you can. Give me my money back.”

I sigh and resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Let me call my boss and see what I can do.”

I picked up my cell phone, because my boss’s number is programmed into it and it is much less hassle than trying to get our shop phone to dial out. I call him and tell him what has transpired so far. He reiterates the ‘no refund ability’ to me and tells me to ask if the man is local, so he can hang onto the tokens and use them another day if he so chooses.

I put the phone down on the counter behind the till, still connected to my boss.

“Sir, are you from the area?” I ask.

He sneers and says “I’m from *town literally 10 minutes away*.”

I reply, “Ok, great! My boss says that we can NOT do refunds, but since you’re in the area, go ahead and hang onto the tokens and use them next time you’re here. I apologize for the range being full, but the tokens don’t expire so no worries!”

He leans in across the counter, and hisses “don’t be a fucking bitch.”, grabs his tokens and drink and storms off.

I can hear my boss saying ‘hello? hello?’ through my phone so I pick it back up.

My boss says, “Did he just leave?”

“Yup.”

“Did he say what I think he said?”

“Yup…”

“I’ll pull the transaction details tomorrow, get his name from the card and deal with this at a higher level. I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks. I have to go! Customers waiting!”

I hung up the phone and carried on with my job. Like, strangely enough, being called a fucking bitch didn’t ruin anything. I was in a pretty good mood the rest of the day!

voicemail 
[ ao3 / ff.net ]

you have [5] new messages.


Wednesday, 6:19 p.m.

“Kurapika, hi! It’s Gon! I guess you’re not next to your phone right now, but that’s okay. I just wanted to tell you I kind of…dropped my phone in the lake, so I’m using Aunt Mito’s to call you! I didn’t want you to get worried if you tried my old number and didn’t get an answer. Oh hey, Killua’s here—hey, Ki—wagh—!”

[vague scuffling and cursing]

“Kurapika, hey. It’s Killua. Gon didn’t drop his phone in the lake. He threw it. Like an idiot.”

“Killua, let go of me!”

“He said the bugs we were using weren’t big enough to lure out the really awesome fish, so he used his phone as bait. Like an idiot.”

[more scuffling, a pained grunt, then Gon, breathless]

“It’s shaped like a beetle!”

“Yeah, dummy, but what kind of beetle just sinks to the bottom of the lake?”

[…]

“A heavy one.”

“Anyway, you have to call back at this number to explain to Gon why cell phones aren’t bait.”

[brief pause as Gon silently wrestles the phone back from Killua]

“And you have to tell Killua that he can’t get mad at me just because he was using my phone to play Fortnite.”

[Killua, quietly sobbing]

“I lost everything!”

End of message. To save this message, press 1. To delete, press 2.

[1]

Message saved.

Keep reading