you're-hot-shit-and-i-love-it

me, stepping onto the hot cement this morning:
“I am so over this bullshit. I fucking hate this fucking heat and if the weather is going to continue to be like this I might as well actually die and be in fucking hell because then at least I wouldn’t have to go to work and I would no longer have physical skin to be uncomfortable in and my soul could just burn eternally and I would not have to listen to people talk about how much they OMG looooOOOOoooove this super hot summer, seriously, everyone who enjoys this pissed-in hot tub weather is a total fucking garbage person and I hope their faces actually melt the fuck off like those assholes who looked directly at the Arc of the Covenant in Raiders and if an opportunity to move to Antarctica for any reason whatsoever turns up, I’m taking it GOODBYE FOREVER, YOU SUN-AND-FUN LOVING PIECES OF SHIT!” *double middle fingers*


me, ten seconds after arriving in the air-conditioned building:
*replies to all outstanding text messages with ten emojii hearts, re-blogs every tumblr post about love, proposes to a stranger in the elevator*