you're too lazy

business email glossary
  • thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"
  • thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up
  • would you be so kind: fucking do it
  • best: i have never physically met you
  • all best: this conversation is over
  • all my best: i wish you would die
  • happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox
  • i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do
  • i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to
  • sorry to chase: answer my email
  • so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email
  • i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me
  • please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem
  • i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it
  • i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to
  • i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to
  • can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to
  • per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone
  • great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone
  • thanks!: i'm not mad at you
  • thanks!!: please don't be mad at me
  • thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk
  • please advise: this might be your fault
  • kindly advise: this is entirely your fault
  • mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator
  • can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email
  • sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot
  • let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

idol: thank you everyone we know we were a disappointment and we could have done better we will try even harder next time sorry™

me:

4
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the signs as that feeling when...
  • Aries: That feeling when you're desperately working your ass off for a better body and you don't get some good results and you're just so fucking angrya
  • Taurus: That feeling when you're hungry as fuck but you don't have the money to buy food and instead you go home early without having fun
  • Gemini: That feeling when you can't put up with everyone's shit anymore so instead you just go and mind your own business
  • Cancer: That feeling when you're desperately waiting for your crush or some particular person to like your selfie and they like it 4 days after you posted it
  • Leo: That feeling when you're expecting to win at something after you've insulted everyone else and you DON'T actually win and you hate the entire universe because of it
  • Virgo: That feeling when you have to sneeze but you DON'T actually sneeze and you want to punch the wall afterwards
  • Libra: That feeling when you just can't stop overthinking about something that seems so important at the moment (but YOU KNOW that it's stupid and it won't matter in 2 days) and you are just haunted by it and you have insomnia because of it
  • Scorpio: That feeling when someone talks to you and you're just thinking about all the ways you would fuck them
  • Sagittarius: That feeling when you're telling the best advice and nobody is paying attention
  • Capricorn: That feeling when you have the perfect idea for a thing but you're just too damn lazy to get up and do it
  • Aquarius: That feeling when you ignore someone talking about sad things and you continue having fun
  • Pisces: That feeling when you want to go to bed but you're way too obsessed with a song and you can't stop listening to it

did someone say percabeth?