The first time I called myself gay out loud I was alone in my room with no one to overhear and yet the word was still whispered as soft as falling snow, nearly drowned out by the beating of my heart
The first time I realized I was looking at my friend in a way that you could hardly call “platonic” I was disgusted with myself For weeks, I was ashamed I had betrayed her trust, and I damn near memorized every fiber in the carpet at my school from spending my days with my head bowed with the weight of my guilt
The first time I introduced myself as a lesbian, I recoiled at the ugly connotation the word had in my mind I hurriedly corrected myself to “gay” and blushed as I avoided my classmate’s eyes
The second time I called myself gay, i was still alone in my room, but I steeled myself for the words to come out and this time I didn’t let myself trail off into silence, I looked my reflection straight in the eyes and my voice doesn’t waver as I confessed the truth that had been eating away at me
The next time I caught myself looking at a pretty girl, I wondered if this was how the other girls felt when they looked at boys, If so, I thought I could almost excuse their silly little giggles and flirty remarks they made when they talked to their crushes.
The second time I introduced myself as a lesbian, the word came easier. In the back of my mind, dark thoughts still swirled, but in that moment the bright smiles of my supportive friends kept them at bay
Now, when I call myself gay, I feel proud
When I talk about pretty girls I feel happy
When I introduce myself as a lesbian, the word feels right
All this is not to say that I’m fixed now, that I’m Miraculously Cured of my internalized homophobia far from it in fact.
There are still days Where peoples words get to my head and I find myself doubting my love for girls, There are still days where I have to remind myself that it’s okay to like girls There are still days where the word lesbian makes me feel icky inside and I use the word gay instead
But the graph of your growth is rarely a perfect upwards diagonal, so there are going to be bad days, I can promise you that, but I can also promise you that they will get farther and farther apart, Until the good, outnumber the bad, and you can breath freely again
*Gestures to the home page of YouTube on AppleTV*
Mom's boyfriend Brent:
Ahh, not too fond of the male gender huh?
Relax kid, I'm not here to judge like a homophobic asshole. However, I'm probably a horrible dad since I placed bets on whether my daughter had a girlfriend or not. When she came out I told her about it, but boy was her reaction priceless! Totally worth it.
We're okay with this, but I don't need your younger siblings and cousins to be watching these videos just yet. There's no doubt that they're constantly curious and will click on anything that piques their interests.
But the gay side of YouTube is the best side of YouTube. Tyler Oakley is the best person ever! So is Troye, Connor, Joey, and everyone else.
Stevie & Ally are way too cute! Also the Gay Women Channel are hilarious!
In my defense, I didn't tell them about these people or encourage them whatsoever to watch them.
*Sighs and shakes head*
A lot of Anna Kendrick and Brittany Snow videos are popping up. I will never be able to watch those Pitch Perfect movies ever again without my Bechloe goggles on.
I like you.
If you like me now, you'll love me soon enough. Your mom told me that you're obsessed with that lesbian vampire web series. Well since she says she doesn't have the time to watch it. How about we binge watch it right now?
You my friend, are going to regret this.
I sat down and watched all of Faking It for my daughter's sake. I'm sure I can handle 72 episodes that are less than 6 minutes long.
Well actually 84 episodes because there's season 1, 2, and 0.
What does this fandom do with their lives?
Don't ask that question or else I'll be dragging you down this garbage chute with me.
Sin. That's all that fandom ever does.
Summary: The name of your soulmate will appear on your chest the day you turn eighteen. Simon is taken aback when he sees his. Baz doesn’t know whether to feel hope or drown in his own sorrow.
Word count: 1.2k
Tags:Eighth Year AU, soulmates, angst, pining, mentions of self-harm, fluff, POV first person
I’ve been in love with Simon Snow since I was twelve. I’d always expected to wear his name on my chest. And I’d also always known for a fact that he’d have another person’s name written above his heart. Probably Wellbelove’s. Yes, I’d always thought I had an unrequited soulmate.
So, when my soulmate’s name finally appeared on my chest, I had no idea what to do with it.
It happened some months after the beginning of the seventh school year. The morning of my birthday, I rushed into the bathroom and looked at the mirror in astonishment.
Hey! Anon who had sent the snowbaz prompt about the color yellow, etc. that was really really awesome! You're writing style is fantastic, and the quality is amazing!! Wow! Are you still excepting prompts? Because if so I'd love to see perhaps an insecure Baz and snow being kind? I really loved how you handled snow being self deprecating in your fic and how Baz handled it and I'd love to see something the other way around? Also, park, cold, blanket, eyes, bird, and leafs? That'd be so awesome,omg
AWWWWW OMGS TY ANON!!!!! OKAY SO the sad thing is I kinda got carried away and didn’t include EVERYTHING that you asked for, but I tried to get as much as I could. SECOND OF ALL I hope it’s okay, but I decided to try and use this for the @snowbaz-feda thingy (that I have been wanting to participate in and have only now been able to get something done) so um…. yeah here we go!!
It was a beautiful spring morning with birds singing their cheerful tunes as they hid among the swaying leaves of trees with twisting branches and big, bright blossoms. There were cheerful shrieks of children running through the open fields playing games of tag and such. Toddlers giggled as they attempted to chase after fluttering butterflies, almost tumbling to the ground before they pulled themselves up again, playing the game until the butterfly flew too far.
And amongst the hoards and hoards of people, where three people in their early twenties, taking advantage of their spring break and strolling through the lush gardens. The tallest of the three held hands loosely with the boy beside him, who was easily recognizable by his bronze hair and blue eyes. And next to him a short girl had her arm linked through his, rolling her eyes at every remark the two made. Honestly, Penny had no idea why she even tried to spend time with the two dorks that were Simon Snow and Baz Pitch. They were so in love it was sickening.
“I could totally fly up to the top of that tree,” Simon argues, looking at the rather gigantic tree in front of them. Baz snorts.
“Please Snow. You can barely fly a foot off the ground.”
“That’s because I didn’t really try.”
“You’re both idiots.”
“Nobody told you to come, Bunce,” Baz says, but there’s a small smile on his lips.
“I had to come or else you both would’ve gotten yourselves killed. Need I remind you of that time at the zoo?”
“BUT THEY WERE SO SAD PENNY–”
“Nope. I’m not having this conversation again, Simon. Honestly both of you act like children.”
“Do not,” Baz scoffs. Penny raises an eyebrow.
“Okay fine maybe a little bit.”
“Case and point.”
“Whatever.” They walk a little while longer, enjoying the many sounds of the park and the smell of spring air. And as they did, Simon tried to douse the crippling anxiety that was forming within him. Today was the day, and he was worried how Baz would react.
Baz wasn’t exactly the easy-to-read type. If he was being honest with himself, he could barely figure out that his “plotting” face was actually his “madly-in-love” face when they were still at Watford, which means that he was either incredibly stupid, or Baz hid his emotions well. Sure, as they started to get used to each other Simon got better and better at reading Baz, but it wasn’t exactly like he was an open book. He didn’t know how much Baz loved him. He could just be going through the motions, or he could love him so much that it felt like a weight was crushing on his chest.
But, as Penny caught his gaze, he knew he had to do this. It was now or never.
Baz was worried. More worried than he’s ever been in his entire life, and that was a lot of worrying. He saw the signs before Simon himself seemed to realize them. The way he was wringing his hands nervously whenever he spoke to Baz, the way he didn’t really quite meet Baz’s eyes. He also seemed to be, in a way, distancing himself a little, as if he found Baz…. repulsive.
Sure he shouldn’t think about these things too much but….
Simon Snow hated Baz for a total of seven years with every inch of his being. They were constantly growling at each other, seeing who could pack the hardest punch. They were constantly picking at each other, which made it seem almost impossible for Baz to have a shot with him. Let’s be honest here, when a guy calls you a “bastard” twenty-four seven and considers you as his “enemy,” there’s a good chance he hates you more than you can possibly know.
But… somehow, in the middle of a flaming forest with years of self-hatred pouring off of him in waves, Simon Snow kissed him, sparking a new fire in his heart. None of it made sense. Nothing added up… which sometimes made Baz wonder if this was all part of some plan that Simon had. Sure, it was a cruelness that he never thought Simon would sink to, but maybe he finally figured out how much he hated Baz.
And when Simon stopped him in the middle of the park, Baz could practically hear the words echoing in his ears. I’m sorry Baz it’s just…. Not working for me.
Simon nodded at Penny, who took a step back, wandering off to a nearby bench where she sat down, watching not-so-subtly. The fidgeting increased outrageously as Simon stepped in front of Baz, the sound of his tail swishing and his wings flapping audible. His cheeks dotted with constellations of moles coloured a bright pink that spread down his neck and up to his ears. Shakily, he grabbed one of Baz’s hands, looking up into his eyes for the first time all day, his blue eyes clouded with fear.
“B-baz I–um….” He turned back to Penny, who gave him an overly enthusiastic thumbs up.
“T-these last couple years with you have been, well amazing and I–” he squeezes his eyes tight, looking so embarrassed that it made Baz’s heart lurch. He couldn’t watch him sit through that.
“It’s okay Simon. I know.”
“I mean, it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”
“I-it is?” Simon says, as pale as a ghost.
“I mean–” Baz takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “–I’ve always kind of known that the day would arrive because, well, you’re you and I’m….. me and I totally understand it’s just–” Baz stops himself, trying to keep his breathing under control. Simon looks more confused than usual.
“Look…. It’s fine, Simon. I get that sometimes these things…. Don’t really work out as they should so–”
“Wait… what?” Simon says, still looking confused but a little less agitated.
“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” And then…. Simon laughs. A snorty kind of laugh that makes tears stream from his face.
“Aleister Crowley, Baz. No, I am not breaking up with you.”
“Then what–” Simon casts one last glance over his shoulder at Penny, then looks back at Baz. He clutches his hands tightly and bends down onto one knee.
“Baz I–I just love you so much, okay? Aleister Crowley I love you so much and I…. I want to know if–” he reaches into his pocket, almost dropping the small black box inside of it. Blushing fiercely, he opens it up, revealing to a startled Baz a small golden band, marked with a pattern that almost seemed to resemble flames.