you're the smartest man i know

the signs as Rick and Morty quotes
  • Aries: I've got about a thousand memories of your dumb little ass and about six of them are pleasant, the rest is annoying garbage!
  • Taurus: Get your shit together. Get it all together and put it in a backpack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere, you know? Take it to the Shit Store and sell it, or put it in a Shit Museum, I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get your shit together.
  • Gemini: Listen, I'm not the nicest guy in the universe because I'm the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets.
  • Cancer: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants.
  • Leo: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing.
  • Virgo: What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?
  • Libra: Yeah sure, I mean, if you spend all day shuffling words around, you can make anything sound bad.
  • Scorpio: I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior. If I were you I wouldn't pull that thread.
  • Sagittarius: You gotta flip 'em off, I told them it means "peace among worlds", how hilarious is that!
  • Capricorn: Don't waste your brain on those weirdos... They just put you at the center of their lives because you're powerful, and then because they put you there, they want you to be less powerful.
  • Aquarius: Okay, well...sometimes science is more art than science. Lot of people don't get that.
  • Pisces: Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV?

anonymous asked:

=waves= Hi! I've followed you for a million years or so, never really interacted. But...I wanted to ask you something, because you're one of the smartest people I follow and one of the only ace people I follow. There's someone I like who wants to date me, and I think I might want to give it a try, but I'm very ace and they're very not, and I'm just...wondering if you have any thoughts or advice for me is all. I know this is really vague, but thank you in advance! ^-^;

Oh man this is a real tough situation.

Look. You cannot overestimate how important sex is to them, no matter how weird it seems to you. And they cannot underestimate how not even a little bit interested you are, no matter how impossible that seems to them. Being really, really, really clear on this being a Very Important Incompatibility That Is Never Going To Go Away will save you a lot of heartache later.

That said, there are ways of making this work. It just takes A LOT of honesty from both of you. Would you be okay with having an open relationship? Would they? Could you see yourself getting into kinky stuff for them, that doesn’t involve direct sexual contact? Would they be into that? Are they going to be unhappy if they have much, much less sex than they used to? Would you be miserable if you had to have any sex at all?

Having that conversation is too much for most nascent relationships. But until you have it, you’re deferring it. And you’re probably going to need to have it over and over again. You’ll need to check in with each other, to see how you’re doing, to make sure you’re both satisfied, to share ideas for things you could do together and things that you need. If talking that frankly about your and your partners’ sexual needs sounds intimidating or dismal…I wouldn’t date a sexual person.

It can be fun, though! That kind of communication can be flirty and entertaining and it can bring you closer together. And if you really get into the spirit of it, just TALKING about sex can get your sexual partner off.

Good luck.

The Signs as Hamilton Insults
  • Aries: Your father's a scoundrel, and so it seems are you
  • Taurus: Would you like to join us or stay mellow, doing whatever the hell it is you do in Monticello?
  • Gemini: If you stand for nothing, Burr, what'll you fall for
  • Cancer: Sit down John, you fat motherfucker
  • Leo: The way he primps and preens and dresses like the pits of fashion
  • Virgo: My dog speaks more eloquently than thee
  • Libra: He knows nothing of loyalty. Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty
  • Scorpio: I hope that you burn
  • Sagittarius: No one knows who you are or what you do
  • Capricorn: Hey, turn around, bend over, I'll show you where my shoe fits
  • Aquarius: Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?
  • Pisces: That poor man, they're going to eat him alive
Hamilton sentence starters
  • 1. "Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?"
  • 2. "Why do you write like you're running out of time?"
  • 3. "Why do you always say what you believe?"
  • 4. "I am not throwing away my shot!"
  • 5. "Talk less, smile more."
  • 6. "Every day you fight like you're running out of time."
  • 7. "Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for."
  • 8. "Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead."
  • 9. "Who is this kid, what's s/he gonna do?"
  • 10. "In New York you can be a new wo/man."
  • 11. "We fought with him/her."
  • 12. "I died for him/her."
  • 13. "I trusted him/her."
  • 14. "I loved him/her."
  • 15. "I'm the damn fool that shot him/her."
  • 16. "There's a million things I haven't done, but just you wait."
  • 17. "I'm young, scrappy, and hungry."
  • 18. "How did we know that this plan would work? We had a spy on the inside."
  • 19. "Soon that attitude may be your doom."
  • 20. "We won, we won, we won!"
  • 21. "What'd I miss?"
  • I love you more than every single person in this house & you fucking know that. You are the funniest person I have ever met in my life and that's one characteristic that means so much to you do your thing, man, and if that's throwing me under the bus to them, do it! Not that you need my permission to do that.
  • If I'm in jury, you have a guaranteed vote. You know for a fact that you are making it to the final 4, as long as you don't fuck up.. and you are the last person to fuck up. You're by far the smartest person in this house. I don't care about the money anymore. I want YOU to win this game. I fucking swear to God...and I'm a vote for you in the jury. So, get me to fuckin' jury, alright? I'm going to help you help me. We got into a little bit of a mess. We got dirt on our fuckin' clothes, but we're gonna throw them in the wash on Thursday. It's going to be a brand new week.
  • I still have your back no matter what. I'm really sorry I threw you under the bus. I fuckin' regret what I said. I really do. You're one of the best Big Brother players ever and you don't even realize it yet. You have the best social game ever. You are by far the funniest person ever, and when you leave this house, you're going to be famous as hell! But keep your eye on the prize, dude. You're winning half a million dollars! Dude, I love you.
  • -Zach, being the best best friend in the world.
Starters Meme: Breaking Bad edition
  • "Everyone sounds like Meryl Streep with a gun to their head."
  • "Fuck you! And your eyebrows!"
  • "I am the danger."
  • "I am the one who knocks."
  • "I'm a blowfish!"
  • "I fucked (insert name)."
  • "I got dipping sticks!"
  • "I want my life back."
  • "I won."
  • "If you just do stuff and nothing happens, what's it all mean? What's the point?"
  • "Just because you shot Jesse James, don't mean you're Jesse James."
  • "No more half measures."
  • "Oh hey, nerdiest old dude I know, you wanna cook crystal?"
  • "Sitting around smoking marijuana, eating cheetos, and masturbating do not constitute as plans."
  • "So no matter what I do, hooray for me because I'm a great guy?"
  • "So roll me further, bitch."
  • "Someone has to protect this family from the man that protects this family."
  • "Stay out of my territory."
  • "They're minerals. Jesus!"
  • "Three entire bags of funyuns?"
  • "Well maybe you should just go ahead and die then."
  • "We're a family!"
  • "We're done when I say we're done."
  • "We've come this far. What's one more?"
  • "What's the point of being an outlaw when you got responsibilities?"
  • "Yeah bitch! Magnets!"
  • "You two suck at peddling meth."
  • "You're the smartest man I know. Yet you're too stupid to see he made up his mind ten minutes ago."