you're on heroin

4

When I was doing specials in the Seventies, everybody in my company knew that Jane and I were a couple. I had one of our writers say to me, “I think you and Jane should come to work in different cars.” I said, “Well why would we do that?” She said people everywhere are talking. I said, “Well we’re not gonna go out and get another car just to drive to work!
- Lily Tomlin

2

would you go with me to the capital? the proposal slides forward, almost slipping between lexa’s lips, as she watches clarke.

no, it’s still doesn’t sound as it should. too trite and desperate. lexa wants to say exactly the right thing when she lets clarke know she wants to show her polis. show her the marketplace that teems with life, the throne room where she’s spent so much of her time as a young adult, the magnificence of the stars from the highest levels of the tower. clarke should know the beauty of these things – lexa has a feeling she’s one of the only people who would appreciate them as much as her.

you should come with me to the capital.

that’s better. it lacks the open-ended nature and ambiguity of a question, but is still not a demand. it’s a simple statement of feeling that leaves clarke the freedom to choose.

yet lexa still doesn’t allow the words to tumble from her mouth, remembering the kiss they shared and the way clarke had pulled away. needing time…what if she needed space, as well?

she almost laughs at herself as she imagines telling her generals that, though she barely bats an eye at the prospect of war, the great heda is rendered faint-feeling and dry-throated at the prospect of asking a cute woman to travel with her.

they wouldn’t understand that bearing her heart to clarke griffin is the scariest challenge she will ever face.

It annoys me when people that use drugs try to act like they’re a gangster by playing rap music in the background while doing their drugs and talking about how they’ve been through this and been through that meanwhile they live in the suburbs with their parents and have no idea what it’s like to be on the streets or to struggle to survive. Like stop it. Being a junkie isn’t fucking cool or glamorous like your rap music says it is. Living life on the streets isn’t impressive or deep. And it sure as fuck doesn’t make you some hot shit gangster. Fucking idiots.

                                 ★You know I was hoping
        ★That I could leave this star-crossed world behind★

Indie Mina Ashido
Private+Semi-Selective
Cross-Over+OC friendly
Written by Kit/CO

Reflections on 11 months (yes, 11 months) of sobriety

“When we come face to face with the reality of our own imperfection, which is the reality of our very being, we can either laugh or cry; comedy and tragedy, as the masks we see in theaters suggest, intertwine. At certain moments in our lives, in fact, it seems that the most fundamental choice each of us has is between fighting ourselves and laughing at ourselves.”

-”The Spirituality of Imperfection,” p. 190

For those of you who are new here or just didn’t know, my name is Alex and I was a drug addict for over 4 years. In October of 2014, I shot up my last bag and popped my last Vicodin. Not “last” as in “final,” but as in “most recent.” I make that distinction not only to assert that I can’t predict the future, but also to acknowledge my fundamental powerlessness over drugs and more generally the compulsive desire to alter my mood and consciousness through external means as I see fit. In the last year, I’ve laughed and cried; spent sunny days outside with new friends and spent dreary days at home under the covers; celebrated victories and mourned losses; and through it all, I didn’t pick up a syringe or a pill bottle. In the last week or two, I’ve experienced a nagging restlessness that just won’t seem to go away. It keeps me up at night when I should be sleeping and draws my attention away when I should be focusing. It occurs to me that though I’ve spoken about achieving sobriety with a number of people, there is a lot I’ve left unsaid and I’ve decided that I just have to get it out somewhere. So, Tumblr, I choose you to bear witness to my ramblings. What follows is a series of reflections, realizations, and thoughts that have helped bring me to a greater understanding of myself and the world around me. 

Keep reading

  • Michael: Son of a fucking cunt! I just got jury duty! Damnit!
  • Gavin: So you gonna go?
  • Michael: Well, I have to go.
  • Gavin: Well, you didn't have to go last time.
  • Michael: I had to. I just didn't.
  • Gavin: But now you're a law abiding citizen?
  • Michael: Yeah. Now I got shit that matters. I have to go.
  • Jack: I got jury duty for the first time last year.
  • Gavin: Was it fun?
  • Jack: I showed up-
  • Gavin: Was it the Scranton Strangler?
  • Jack: They had fifty people in there, and they kept asking questions, and I kept saying that I hate guns, and they go "Okay, you're not going to be part of the jury."
  • Geoff: Mine was a drug thing, and they're like, would you convict someone for anything to anything, like, this increment to this increment of drugs, and I sad "no", and they're like "what if they're sold to school children?", and I'm like "no", and they're like, "alright, go home".
  • Jack: Yeah, they're just, like, we're not going to use you. They'll just dismiss jurors.
  • Geoff: They're like "it could be marijuana, or it could be something as serious as cocaine or methamphetamines", and I'm like "but it could be marijuana", and they're like "yes", and I'm like "well, then, no". "But it could be something else", and I'm like, "just tell me if it's something else or not!" And they wouldn't. Yeah, I'm going to put someone in jail for having pot on them, sure.
  • Michael: Sometimes the five-year-old's looking for it.
  • Ryan: That seems odd, though. It seems like they should just go directly to the drug in question. Cause if it's, like, black tar heroin, you'd probably be like someone should go to jail for that.
  • Geoff: Yeah, exactly. Like, you're selling heroin to school kids? I'll put that guy in jail. But they didn't say that. They were just "they had something, and it could have been an ounce, or it could have been Pablo Escobar amounts of drugs. We're not going to tell you what the drugs were, or where they sold them, or if they sold them, we just want to know if you would consider convicting someone for something as little as one pill."
  • Michael: I hope I get a question as good as that.
  • Geoff: They were really annoyed with me.