Reflections on 11 months (yes, 11 months) of sobriety
“When we come face to face with the reality of our own imperfection, which is the reality of our very being, we can either laugh or cry; comedy and tragedy, as the masks we see in theaters suggest, intertwine. At certain moments in our lives, in fact, it seems that the most fundamental choice each of us has is between fighting ourselves and laughing at ourselves.”
-”The Spirituality of Imperfection,” p. 190
For those of you who are new here or just didn’t know, my name is Alex and I was a drug addict for over 4 years. In October of 2014, I shot up my last bag and popped my last Vicodin. Not “last” as in “final,” but as in “most recent.” I make that distinction not only to assert that I can’t predict the future, but also to acknowledge my fundamental powerlessness over drugs and more generally the compulsive desire to alter my mood and consciousness through external means as I see fit. In the last year, I’ve laughed and cried; spent sunny days outside with new friends and spent dreary days at home under the covers; celebrated victories and mourned losses; and through it all, I didn’t pick up a syringe or a pill bottle. In the last week or two, I’ve experienced a nagging restlessness that just won’t seem to go away. It keeps me up at night when I should be sleeping and draws my attention away when I should be focusing. It occurs to me that though I’ve spoken about achieving sobriety with a number of people, there is a lot I’ve left unsaid and I’ve decided that I just have to get it out somewhere. So, Tumblr, I choose you to bear witness to my ramblings. What follows is a series of reflections, realizations, and thoughts that have helped bring me to a greater understanding of myself and the world around me.