you're killing me. do you know that

It actually kills me when we don’t talk, it kills me when you ignore me, it kills me when you’re busy with your life.
  • Sangwoo: So after keeping you locked in my house by breaking both your legs, torturing you, making you kill someone and constant psychological torture, I try to do a nice thing for you by driving you to have a mental breakdown in making you jealous of a girl which leads you to stab her multiple times in a blind murder rage.
  • Yoon Bum: Yes.
  • Sangwoo: And you're telling me that you didn't like it.
  • Yoon Bum: Not particularly.
  • Sangwoo: I don't know why I bother.
  • Garrus: Alright, my turn. What's the first order an Alliance commander gives at the start of combat?
  • Joker: Uh... I give up.
  • Garrus: (chuckles) Correct.
  • Joker: Ohohoh... alright, big guy. What do you call it when a turian gets killed by a horrible spiky monster?
  • Garrus: Friendly fire - come on, that one goes back to Shanxi!
  • Joker: Well, you gotta respect the classics!
  • Garrus: How many humans does it take to activate a dormant mass relay?
  • Joker: (exasperated) 602. 600 to vote on it, one to ask the asari for technical help and one to request a seat on the Council afterwards. How do you know when a turian is out of ammo?
  • Garrus: He switches to the stick up his ass as a backup weapon. Why does the Alliance hire pilots... with brittle bone disease?
  • Joker: Y... you're shittin' me! The turian military has one about me?
  • Garrus: Oh, absolutely. I heard it myself from a private back on Palaven.
  • Joker: Okay, why does the Alliance hire pilots with brittle bone disease?
  • Garrus: So that their marines can beat someone in hand-to-hand drills.
  • Joker: ...damn, you need to tell James that one. Hey, what's the hardest part about treating a turian who took a rocket to one side of his face?
  • Garrus: (deadpan) Figuring out which side took the rocket.
I’m imagining the epilouge but with Neville’s kid instead of Harry’s.
  • Sensibly Named Child: Dad, what if the hat puts me in Slytherin?
  • Neville: Then it means you really are a Slytherin. Do you have any idea how hard I begged to be a Hufflepuff? How hard I argued with the hat against Gryffindor? And you know what, it turns out the hat was right and I pulled the sword out of the hat and killed the snake. It's a magical hat and you're an eleven year old who thinks Axe works to attract girls. You know nothing, listen to the hat.
  • steve: you wrote about me
  • bucky: I don't know what you're talking about
  • steve: you pulled me out of the river
  • bucky: idk why I did that
  • steve: you nearly killed tony because he hurt me. you actually roared like an angry pigeon or something
  • bucky: I don't like him
  • steve: you tried to pull me behind the shield when I was covering you with it
  • bucky: I didn't mean to do that
  • steve: you remembered my shoes and the hotdogs but not that girls name
  • bucky: I have memory problems that's all
  • steve: you left our dates because I ran off, didn't even apologize
  • bucky: your date would've wondered where you went, I found you for her
  • steve: you lied and told me you only knew me because of the smithsonian because you wanted to protect me, to make me go
  • bucky: blame the brochure
  • steve: you made me share an apartment with you
  • bucky: I needed someone to do the dishes
  • steve: you kept my picture
  • bucky: memory problems remember?
  • steve: you didn't like it when I kissed sharon, I can tell your fake smile from your real one
  • bucky: you were wasting valuable time
  • steve: you put yourself back into cryo so I'd stop being reckless and not become a criminal just to keep you
  • bucky: I was tired
  • steve: you made a vow, told me you'd be with me until death
  • bucky: idk why I did that
  • steve: you interrupted my moment with peggy because you were jealous
  • bucky: you deserved applause and attention for your bravery
  • steve: you fell from the train because you were protecting me
  • bucky: wasn't my smartest move
  • steve: you gave me heart eyes at the bar in '43
  • bucky: I was drunk
  • steve: we shared money and everything else like...a couple
  • bucky: it was convenient
  • steve: you're in love with me
  • bucky: yes
  • steve: what
  • bucky: what
  • sai: I still don't understand your bond with sasuke
  • naruto: this again?
  • naruto: look, it's simple
  • naruto: basically, he's my best friend, and the first person to really accept me for myself
  • naruto: we're also rivals because I've always wanted to be his equal, but he made me feel inferior, that bastard
  • naruto: I admire his determination, skills, strength, and the hidden kindness in his heart
  • naruto: I like the way his skin glows like the moon, the way his eyes are so clear and black, I can see my own reflection if I lean in close enough
  • naruto: his lips feel like velvet and taste sour, but also a little sweet
  • naruto: like tomatoes, I guess... huh...
  • sai: and how do you know what his lips taste like?
  • naruto: oh yeah, we kissed a few times
  • naruto: it was mostly on accident
  • sai: but you say you're friends?
  • naruto: no, no, we're more than just friends
  • sai: I see... that makes more sense
  • naruto: yeah, he's like a brother to me
  • naruto: a really infuriating, good-looking older brother
  • sai: I'm confused again
  • sai: so you're not in love with him?
  • naruto: don't be ridiculous- I just told you he's like a brother to me
  • naruto: you can't be in love with your brother
  • naruto: no matter how good-looking he is
  • naruto: that's weird
  • sai: and the rest of this is normal?
  • naruto: um... yeah
  • sai: I understand now
  • naruto: you do?
  • sai: yes, if I was sasuke, I would want to kill you too
  • naruto: sai, we have to work on your people skills

@keilattes
daddy 😍😍 I want him to grind on me fuck viktor lol. can he choke me w his tie!!!!!!! ily who r u DRUNK  BANQUET YUURI IS MY BF I WANT HIM TO STEP ON ME HOW DID YOU KNOW???? 😰😰😰 ily I don’t deserve him wtf zeph please kill me /KISSES U THANK U SM <33333 JUST THESE SKETCHES ARE FUCKING BEAUTIFUL & A BLESSING sobs grossly ily

LMAO KEI DO YOU NEED MORE WATER

  • ---Outside Keith's Room---
  • Lance: Hey, Keith? Buddy, you in there?
  • Keith: Go away Lance.
  • Lance: //Enters anyway//
  • ---Inside Keith's Room---
  • Keith: I don't want to talk Lance, just leave me alone ok?
  • Lance: Hey, nobody's seen you since breakfast, who said anything about talking? I came to make sure you hadn't died or something.
  • Keith: ....
  • Lance: But we could always talk since I'm here now anyway. //Sits on the bed//
  • Keith: Lance-
  • Lance: C'mon man, everyone's worried about you. You barely show your face around the castle, and whenever you do you avoid everyone like you're on some kind of stealth mission.
  • Keith: //Scoffs// Nobody is worried about me, and I'm not avoiding everyone... I just...
  • Lance: //Frowns// Keith, we're a team, if you're upset, we all feel it. The whole team's out of whack. Just talk to me - despite what Pidge might have told you, I am great with feelings and junk.
  • Keith: I don't - It's just - Ugh, it's just easier not to see everyone judging me, and hating me if I'm not around them, ok?! I don't care what you say, I've seen the way they look at me - and I look normal now, but what if it gets worse? What if I do start going purple? Or I sprout fur or something stupid like that. How would they look at me then? I'd be just another Galra....... Lance, I don't think I should be on the team anymore.
  • Lance: Wait what? Are you kidding! You think you should be off the team? The team that the Red Lion chose you for? That's crazy! Keith, you've saved everyone's butts loads of times, what would we do without you? How would we form Voltron? And you know, keep the universe safe?
  • Keith: You'd find someone else-
  • Lance: There is no one else Keith! *You're* the Red Paladin. So what if you're Galra? ... Well, sure, there's the whole being a member of the race that's 'trying to take over the universe, destroy entire civilisations and trying to kill us all the time' thing but-
  • Keith: Great, that makes me feel much better.
  • Lance: Well when I say it like that it sounds bad, but that's not all you are. You're Keith first, before any of all that. It's just been a bit of a shock - it's raw you know? Everyone will come to terms with it, trust me... Like I don't know if you've noticed, but Hunk's pretty much got an alien girlfriend
  • Keith: What?
  • Lance: Sure, nobody's judging. And we've all seen Shiro's badass glowing arm thing - also Galra I might add. Does it make us think any less of him? No way! And I'm also convinced Pidge is part computer, I just don't have any proof yet.
  • Keith: //Smiles//
  • Lance: Allura's probably gonna take a little longer than the rest of us, but she's still hurting, and hey, she's like over 10,000 years old, she just needs to get with the times. Like, Galra Keith? Whatever, am I right?
  • Keith: ...... //Chuckles// Thanks Lance.
  • Lance: So don't worry, just come back to the team, we miss you. We've all got our little hang ups and stuff, so it's ok
  • Keith: Yeah, everyone except you - you're perfect
  • Lance: Uh-
  • Keith: - ! //Flustered//
  • Lance: //Flustered as hell//
club penguin bans sentence starters
  • "i'm a fucking piece of pizza,"
  • "holy shit toto, we sure as fuck ain't in kansas anymore,"
  • "i ain't fucking with these christmas lights anymore,"
  • "why is the only angry one black?"
  • "get in loser, we're going sledding,"
  • "jesus fucking christ, that cookie hot as shit,"
  • "ah yes, my meth lab is ready,"
  • "i need this life vest 'cos i'm drowning in the pussy,"
  • "i could kill you right now, no one would wear you scream,"
  • "i could go back and pretend to be you,"
  • "fashion police, you're definitely under arrest,"
  • "you're tearing this family apart, ___"
  • "what do you mean you're being murdered? that's illegal, people can't do that,"
  • "i'm wanted for stealing yo girl/boy,"
  • "wanna hear a joke? your future,"
  • "i would like to order all the money,"
  • "when i see stars i think of you. because you're only beautiful from a distance,"
  • "do it for the vine,"
  • "you dress like an idiot,"
  • "girl/boy, are you because i want to take you out,"
  • "hey you forgot something. your social life,"
  • "help me hide this body in here,"
  • "did you just propose, using emojis?"
  • "do drugs they said. it will be fun they said,"
  • "it's called capitalism,"
  • "thank you for helping me commit cannibalism,"
  • "shit, we on national television,"
  • "bitch, throw one more snowball at me,"
  • "can you leave my house please?"
  • "i'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch,"
  • "can i pay you in swag?"
  • "excuse me, do you know where i can find the booty?"
  • "what the flipper?"
  • "santa isn't real,"
  • "what do penguins do in a race? they peng-win,"
  • "a milkshake ain't a goddamn pizza,"
  • "locked up because my eyebrow game was too strong,"
  • "man, look at all this fuckin' dope,"
  • "fuck it, i ain't running,"
  • "hey, do you wanna join my gang?"
  • "i'll ask my mom,"
  • "smooth as butter,"
BTS as quotes from my co-workers pt. 2
  • Seokjin: "I got two hours of sleep because I was worried sick, sitting up waiting for my son to come home."
  • Yoongi: "I say a lot of bad things to you guys, but I don't think I can top 'kill yourself'."
  • Hoseok: "I am not satisfied, but I'm still smiling."
  • Namjoon: "I've fallen in this kitchen four times and I do not plan on falling again." *hobbles out of the room*
  • Jimin: "Oh, you missed me. It's been a month I can tell. I just know it, you definitely missed me."
  • Taehyung: "You know that Michael Jackson song, Smooth Criminal? That's me. Check my pockets." *reveals 50 butter patties*
  • Jungkook: "They say you can't leave until a quarter after five, but when you're this good who cares."
Profound Sentence Meme
  • "People care about you, too, you know."
  • "What, and it's alright for you to save us, but never the other way around? Why not?"
  • "Don't you know how much you're loved?"
  • "You're trying to get yourself killed! Ever since it happened, you've been trying!"
  • "It's like you have a death wish."
  • "You're addicted to the adrenaline and sooner or later it will get someone killed. You, probably."
  • "What happened to you? Why are you like this?"
  • "This ISN'T okay."
  • "You can't keep treating yourself like this."
  • "I hear you crying sometimes, when you think nobody is listening."
  • "Do you know how sad you look sometimes?"
  • "What are you hiding from me? Just TELL me!"
  • "Something is eating you up from the inside. Something happened, or you've done something, or someone left. You need to share. Otherwise you're never going to feel okay again."
  • "Why are you like this?"
  • "Since when was doing THIS okay?"
  • "It's okay to talk to people."
  • "I'm not fragile, I'm not going to break if you talk to me about it. I'll listen and I'll care. That's it. I promise."
  • "You can't run away from this."
  • "I'm not going to leave you the moment you do something I disagree with."
  • "You're not secretly an irredeemably awful person!"
  • "What's going on with you?"
Prediction for next potc movie
  • Davy Jones: I killed you once Turner, I do not fear you
  • Will: Oh it's not me you're suposed to fear
  • Davy Jones: What?
  • Elizabeth: (in the distance) DAVY JONES!
  • Davy Jones: *looks to see Elizabeth swinging in with a sword in her hand and murder in her eyes*
  • Elizabeth: YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND!
  • Will: She's going to fuck you up
  • Davy Jones: *sighs* I know
Kuro Characters as Memes
  • <p> <b>Sebastian:</b> nyan cat<p/><b>Ciel:</b> how to talk to short people<p/><b>Real Ciel:</b> dark kermit<p/><b>Wolfram:</b> all your base are belong to us<p/><b>Sieglinde:</b> if you know what I mean<p/><b>Alois:</b> gangnam style<p/><b>Claude:</b> thank you for (not you) ...<p/><b>Nina:</b> the dress<p/><b>Lizzy:</b> she protec but she also attac<p/><b>Ronald:</b> damn daniel<p/><b>Grell:</b> you're doing amazing sweetie<p/><b>Othello:</b> me, an intellectual<p/><b>William:</b> *making my way downtown, walking fast* *walking faster*<p/><b>Vincent:</b> don't talk to me or my son ever again<p/><b>Diedrich:</b> *record scratch* *freeze frame*<p/><b>Viscount Druitt:</b> ya like jazz?<p/><b>Bard:</b> kill it with fire<p/><b>Finny:</b> precious cinnamon roll too good for this world too pure<p/><b>Mey Rin:</b> Yeah, it broke apart. Don't worry about that. It does that all the time<p/><b>Abberline:</b> this is the future liberals want<p/><b>The S4:</b> the evolution of dance<p/><b>Soma:</b> I want to love and support you<p/><b>Agni:</b> guess I'll die<p/></p>
Things The Signs Have Said That Break My Heart
  • Aries: Was I ever anything more than a sad kid? I thought the drugs would help, but they just make you sadder and a little deader. I really tried my best, but I don't think there's much use anymore. Nobody cared then, and nobody cares now.
  • Taurus: I'm sorry, but I fell in love with you. I watch you move and I'm captivated. The world slows down just a little bit when I look at you. I wanna kiss your long neck, and run my fingers through your curly hair. I wanna listen to you talk for hours about old movies and bad music. I wanna hear every word that you have to say. But I can't, because you're in love with someone else
  • Gemini: I dreamed so much as a little kid. All those dreams are dead know. The world has a lot of fun killing little girls dreams.
  • Cancer: Please don't go! Stay! Stay! I need you to stay! No one ever stays.
  • Leo: I used to be special. Everyone thought I was going to be this amazing person. They thought I would do great things, but look at me. I'm nothing. If I was anything, it would be a failure.
  • Virgo: She just left. She didn't say anything. In one simple second, all the love and laughter that we had, was ripped from both of us. She just decided she did't feel like loving me anymore.
  • Libra: It's all gone. Any hope that I had is gone.
  • Scorpio: Do you think that if I get prettier, he might look at me like he used to? Maybe he'll love me again.
  • Sagittarius: The whole world is at my fingertips, they say, but I can't seem to ever grab it.
  • Capricorn: I could tell she didn't love me anymore. She would smile, but in her eyes I could see the pity and slight disgust she had for me. I tried to stop loving her, but I couldn't. I felt pathetic, like I was stood up. But this time I couldn't just go home and forget about it the next day. She was, and still is, my everything.
  • Aquarius: I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't want to be trapped in my mind. I want to live again. I just want to see the light one more time.
  • Pisces: Could you just tell me you love me? You don't have to mean it. I just want, for a second, to feel loved.
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b>Person:</b> *walking along a deserted alleyway*<p/><b>Sangwoo:</b> Sir hi excuse me yeah hi reaaally sorry about this, I know it's a bit awkward to point out but uhhhh.....you seem to have spilled some blood<p/><b>Sangwoo:</b> Sir you're going to have to clean that up<p/><b>Sangwoo:</b> Sir your neck just caught on to my knife<p/><b>Sangwoo:</b> Sir<p/><b>Sangwoo:</b> Sir please don't take a nap while I'm talking to you<p/><b>Sangwoo:</b> sIR<p/></p><p/></p>
Illness-Based rp Starters
  • "You've been coughing a lot. You okay?"
  • "What is wrong with you?"
  • "Gosh, you're burning up!"
  • "Um, hey? Anyone in there? Hello?"
  • "Ugh, just blow your nose already."
  • "My head might just explode."
  • "I think I'm gonna hurl."
  • "If you get me sick, I'll kill you."
  • "Ah-choo!"
  • "Okay, that can't be allergies. Are you sick?"
  • "Geez, you look like crap."
  • "That is so gross."
  • "Hey, woah. Don't pass out on me here."
  • "You really should be in bed, you know."
  • "I'm too busy to spend all day in bed."
  • "I'b fide."
  • "Please tell me there's some cough drops left."
  • "Do you think it's warm in here?"
  • "You're so pale."
  • "Have you eaten today?"
  • "They told me you passed out. How do you feel?"
  • "I'm not getting out of bed."
  • "The soup is probably great, but I can't taste a thing."
  • "You know, that's not helping me feel better."
  • "My nose hates me."
  • "You should probably stay back. You don't want to catch this."
  • "Are you coming down with something?"
  • "My throat feels funny."
there's a new app or something
  • Girl: Did you get the new app?
  • Boy: What app?
  • Girl: The new app, stupid.
  • Boy: What does it do?
  • Girl: It's new! Check it out. *fires up app*
  • New App: *in a fresh and cool voice* Welcome to the new app.
  • Boy: I still don't understand what it does.
  • Girl: You can press this button here and it checks for the latest version of the new app. Watch. *boop*
  • New App: Boop received. There are ZERO new updates.
  • Girl: Isn't it cool?
  • Boy: I'm really not into it.
  • Girl: C'mon. You have to be. Everyone's using it.
  • Boy: I'm not really into the same things everyone else is.
  • Girl: You're always such a hispter, but that's your choice.
  • Boy: Yeah, it's my choice and I'm proud of it.
  • *later, elsewhere*
  • Group of People: Wow, the new app rules, right? I love it. I like booping it to see if there's any new updates. We should all boop it now. No, I think we should wait. You're stupid. Yeah, let's all boop it forget the other guy. *boopboopboopboopboopboop*
  • New App: Bbbooooppppp rreeecciiieeeevvvveeedddd. Ooonneeeeee nnnnnneewwww uuuuppppdddaaaattttteeeeeee aaaaavvvvvvvaaaillllllabbbbbl-
  • Boy: *watching from afar* What a bunch of sheep. How can they get excited over a stupid app that does nothing. It's mob mentality if I've ever seen it. One person downloads a useless app, so everyone else has to. Thank god that I'm appless and entirely free from banal social dogma.
  • New App: New update has finished downloading. Activating new feature, outcast locater. One outcast located directly to the south of your group. He's watching from the alleyway.
  • Boy: Huh?
  • Group of People: *rush over the alleyway* Whoa, there really was a guy watching us from the alleyway! What a weirdo! Does he really not have the app? No one doesn't have the app, it's the newest app. Hey, do you not have the app?
  • Boy: I have to go.
  • Group of People: Don't go! Why don't you have the app? Actually, fuck off if you don't have the new app, freak!
  • Boy: *runs away* Why did they all gang up on me like? *stomach growls* Now I'm hungry after running like that. I best go to that sandwich shop over yonder and eat a... hmmm sandwich.
  • Cashier: Hello, sweetie. What kind of sandwich can I get you today?
  • Boy: Just a bread sandwich. Like, a sandwich with three slices of bread and meats, vegetables, cheeses, or condiments.
  • Cashier: *phone vibrates* Hold on, sweetie. The new app is booping me, there might be a new update.
  • New App: Hey, do you see the kid standing in front of you?
  • Cashier: You mean that very cute boy?
  • New App: Yes, him. He doesn't have the new app.
  • Cashier: What!?
  • New App: It's true.
  • Cashier: You have the new app, don't you?
  • Boy: Well, no.
  • Janitor: *stops mopping the floor* That's kind of weird.
  • Cashier: It's actually very weird.
  • Boy: I don't understand what the big deal is, it's just a dumb app.
  • Cashier: It's not dumb, everyone's using it!
  • Janitor: *locks the doors* It's suspicious that you're not using it, son. Why don't you take a seat and wait here for a moment.
  • Cashier: Yeah, me an my colleague, the janitor, have to talk. Your sandwich will be out in a moment.
  • Boy: *nervously sits*
  • *the janitor and cashier huddle behind the counter and whisper to each other*
  • Boy: *internally* This is ridiculous. Why is this stupid app getting me into so much trouble. I'm not required to download it. It's just an app. So why is everyone getting so aggressive about it.
  • Cops: *knock at the door*
  • Janitor: *lets them in* Welcome officers.
  • Cops: So we hear that someone isn't using the new app, eh?
  • Janitor: Yes officer, he's sitting right over there. He's terrible! TERRIBLE!
  • Cops: Calm down, sir. We'll take care of this. *walks over to the boy, very authoritatively* Hello, son. Now, don't be intimidated just because we're cops and all. We simply want to know why you aren't using the new app.
  • Boy: I don't know, I just don't feel like using it.
  • Cops: But you realize it's the most innovative app to be released in the past decade. It was developed by Darkheart Studios, and you know those Darkhearts always make good stuff.
  • Boy: I just don't get why I have to download it. Like, what's the big deal? All it does is update itself.
  • *cops look at each other puzzled*
  • Cops: *phone vibrates* Oh, looks like the app has something to tell us. Lemme just give it a boop. *boop*
  • New App: Boop received. New has update finished downloading. Activating new feature, extermination of the sacrilegious. Kill the boy, officers. End his miserable life.
  • Cops: Are you telling us to shoot the boy because he hasn't downloaded the app.
  • New App: Not necessarily, but any means of extermination is sufficient.
  • Cops: I don't think we should kill the boy. The new app is great an all, but not worth killing over. In fact, it's getting kind of old. I think we should take the boy down to the station for safe keeping while we figure out what's going with this here bizarre app. Hey there, little guy... oh.
  • Boy: *gone*
  • Cops: He's gone. Now where did he run off too?
  • Boy: *runs panicked down the street, the cellphone of every single person vibrating and ringing as he passes them*
  • Boy: *runs into his house and locks himself in his bedroom* What did I do to deserve this? I should just download the app and spare myself this hell. No! I refuse, I won't fall in with trends like all the sheeple. I'm special. I'm different.
  • Sister: *knocks at the boy's bedroom door, clutching a knife behind her back* Little brother, open up. I have to talk to you about something. It's important.
  • Boy: I don't feel like talking, leave me alone.
  • Sister: Come on, I'm your sister. You can trust me, open up. *tries to force the door open* Open the fucking door!
  • Boy: You're acting crazy, leave me alone!
  • Sister: Fine. *stomps off*
  • Boy: *hides under his blankets*
  • *a cacophony of cellphone notification sounds come from outside of the bedroom window*
  • Boy: *sheepishly peaks out the window, his blanket still wrapped around him*
  • *a mob of people, some armed with weapons stand in his backyard*
  • Leader of the Mob: Kid, we all know you didn't download the new app. Unfortunately, the app says we gotta kill you unless you do. I personally think that's unreasonable, but it is the new app after all, and who am I to question it?
  • Boy: Fuck your stupid app! It doesn't even do anything!
  • Leader of the Mob: What a bad attitude. It's the new sensation.
  • Boy: You're sheep!! You're all stupid sheep!! I'm never downloading the stupid fucking app!!
  • Leader of the Mob: Then we have to burn down your house, kid.
  • Boy: My dad is super rich and influential. If you burn down my house, he'll have you guys taken care of.
  • Dad: *from the mob* I actually support them, son. It's disconcerting to me as a father that you don't have the new app when everyone else does. I could support your through anything, but not this.
  • Boy: Wha- dad!? Argh! Just burn the house! I don't care! I'm not afraid to die!! At the end of the day, I'll be a martyr and you'll all still be fucking nobodies!!
  • Leader of the Mob: Whatever ya say, kid. *tosses torch at the house*
  • *the rest of the mob follows and the house quickly goes up in flames*
  • Boy: I guess this is it. This is how I die. All over a dumb app that doesn't do anything but boop.
  • *flames reach the bedroom window*
  • Boy: Oh god, oh god, oh god! I've changed my mind! I don't want to die!! *frantically pulls out his phone as the flames grow and downloads the new app*
  • New App: *boop* Thank you for downloading the new app, boy. Now, you've been forgiven. You may live. Please be sure to boop me to check for updates.
  • Boy: I feel so fucking stupid, but at least I'll live. I just have to get out of here.
  • Boy: *rushes into the hallway, but the flames have engulfed the entire house*
  • *the ceiling collapses, trapping the boy in the hallway and ceiling any exits*
  • Boy: No! Someone help me! *coughs* I'm sorry! Please help! I downloaded the app!
  • Boy: *curls up in fetal position* I don't want to die. Fire fighters will come and save me or something like that, I'm sure of it! I'm so scared! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! It can't end like this!
  • *The End*
  • Qrow: Winter, how's it going?
  • Winter: Well, well, well, if it isn't my least favorite drunkard.
  • Qrow: You have a list? My my, it seems you have a type.
  • Ironwood: Qrow how did you get in here-
  • Winter: And it seems you have a habit of picking fights with me.
  • Ironwood: Winter this is a private meeting. Qrow shouldn't even know-
  • Qrow: What can I say? *takes a swig* I'm an angry drunk.
  • Winter: That's going to kill you someday. You know that, right? Oh, and I suppose the alcohol might do a number on you, too.
  • Ironwood: Winter, Qrow, this is a matter of national security-
  • Qrow: That sounded like a threat. *Draws weapon*
  • Winter: You walk into my kingdom-
  • Ironwood: Your kingdom?
  • Winter: -and draw your weapon? *Draws weapon* It sounds like you're the one who's making threats.
  • Ironwood: How did he get past all the locks? This is our most advanced security system!
  • Qrow and Winter: *Commence sexually charged duel*
  • Ironwood: *Calling phone* Ozpin I thought you said Qrow was in Vale.
  • Ozpin: I lied.
  • Ironwood: Why?
  • Ozpin: He gave me a starbucks giftcard.
  • Ironwood: SERIOUSLY?
  • Ozpin: I like coffee.
  • Russia: Belarus, I need help...
  • Belarus: ... wait... you're asking me for help? I know I should be extremely happy, but I'm actually very concerned...
  • Russia: I accidentally shrunk big sister's favourite shirt in the dryer and I know she'll be mad at me... and you know how she is when she's mad!
  • Belarus: she's going to kill you... well, do what I always do.
  • Russia: and what is that?
  • Belarus: blame it on Latvia.
  • Latvia, from the distance: WHAT????
the signs as andrew jackson jihad lyrics
  • aries: i hate everything you do but i'm trying really hard to not hate you because hating you won't make you suck any less
  • tarus: rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you, rejoice despite this world will tear you to shreds, rejoice because you're trying your best
  • gemini: the big red bird that lives under the city doesn't give a damn about me and it dies every night
  • cancer: i am a blank page in a notebook waiting to be filled with countless drawings of cocks
  • leo: i like telling dirty jokes, and i like smoking crystal meth, but darling i love you
  • virgo: you don't know your own power, you don't know what you're worth, you don't recognize your valor, and until you do, nothing you do will matter
  • libra: i would finally meet my maker, i could meet the great creator, and i'd punch him for teaching me how to sing
  • scorpio: in this life we lead, we could conquer everything, if we could just get the brave to get out of bed in the morning
  • sagittarius: hope is for presidents and dreams are for people who are sleeping
  • capricorn: in fucking fact, mrs. robinson, the world won't care whether you live or die
  • aquarius: i wish i had a bullet big enough to kill the fucking sun, i'm sick of songs about the summer, and i hate everyone
  • pisces: i'll never fix your car, or find you another dead end job, so let's lay on this carpeted floor and draw with crayons