you're just waiting for me

its been so long but im still trying to figure out how you could go from “i love you” to “i don’t care about you anymore” in such a short amount of time

there's gonna come a time when their opinion doesn't bother you anymore. keep going. you're doing great.

anonymous asked:

Do you have a take on Ryan's tragic backstory? (I know you said you actually have a nicer background for him but i thought you might have a dark version too!)

 Anonymous said: What are some of your head cannons for FAHC Ryan?


Ryan didn’t set out to be what he became. Few children dream of becoming devastation. It’s a trope that is thrown around in all kinds of media – redeemable bad guy, killer with a heart of gold. How quaint. Like most things, the real life version is so much darker.

There’s something bleak and awful in a world renown mercenary who still feels for every victim. Something inescapably tragic in finding satisfaction in an act so personally distasteful. Because Ryan’s never been cruel, exactly. Would never dream of torturing an animal, of hurting a child. Doesn’t even enjoy the majority of the dirty work he’s surrounded himself in. Which isn’t to say he doesn’t enjoy any of it. Doesn’t get some level of dark gratification from his own competence, from the fear he’s sown, the reputation he’s nurtured, the safety he’s crafted from blood-soaked screams and scorched white bones. There was a time when the Vagabond was truly as dispassionate as they say, but since joining the Fake AH Crew the mercenary certainly lived up to the gang’s notorious affinity for flare; Ryan always was a bit theatrical, and the only thing worse than an apathetic killer is one who can see the morbid humour in it all.

Ryan’s criminal career actually begins years before the Vagabond crashed into being. Started like so many others; young and bored, too clever for his own good and desperate for a way to prove it. He drifts into a group who wanted bigger, wanted better, wanted a life society told them was forbidden. It would be easy to say he got caught up in the wrong crowd, pulled along in their wake, but it wouldn’t be accurate. Ryan has been many things but never meek. Never a blind follower. Ryan who could never settle for simply trusting what others tell him, never believing in absolutes he hasn’t tested for himself. Not when he could find another way around, a way under, when he could take the problem apart and find a solution no one else ever expected.

So he joined, he fit in, he rose and he flourished. Ryan wasn’t a killer back then, criminal yes but not a mercenary; they were thieves mostly, would posture and swagger and inflate their own egos but they kept away from the big gangs. At least at first. Because sooner or later things are going to go south and it wasn’t pretty when they did. The group fractures, those who can flee back to their old lives, or into the relative safety of bigger crews, and those left behind have blood on their hands and a bounty on their heads.

Taking a life isn’t quite as difficult as Ryan had anticipated. Awful, of course, and not something he would do without necessity, but the time for scruples has surely passed and if death is what it takes for the last dregs of his gang to live then Ryan will paint the streets red. It’s wrong, he knows. It’s bad, immoral, everything people aren’t meant to be; it’s wrong and Ryan does it anyway. Figures morality is all well and good but won’t help at all if they’re all dead.

For a while it works, their group is small but it’s solid, together they were magnificent. Not that anyone cares about all that, not when the story everyone knows comes after. Comes, of course, with the birth of the Vagabond.

It’s no real surprise that the prominent story surrounding the origin of the most notorious mercenary in the country is as dark and unforgivable as the man himself. A tale of betrayal, of protecting his identity by wiping out all who knew him before the mask, making a name off of the death of those he once called friends. It’s chilling, horrifically fitting and almost entirely untrue; the crew dies, yes, treachery as the hands of one of their own but Ryan is not their Judas.  

The man who traded away their lives for the right price was Ryan’s best friend in all the world, close enough to call brother, someone he trusted so blindly he’d let himself be beaten half to death before he even thought about retaliating. The only crew blood on Ryan’s hands was, it turns out, the most undeniably clean-cut case of self defence, not that it matters in the long run. Not when it plays out in the dark, out of sight, without witness. Not when he’s the only one who walks away, the one who dons a mask and buries his name, retreats from humanity and loses all semblance of mercy. Against all odds Ryan managed to survive. The man he had once been did not.

The story takes on a life of its own and the Vagabond does nothing to stop it; he is, after all, a killer. People should fear him, should run and hide and pray he doesn’t darken their doors. He killed a man who he loved dearly; what line was there left to cross? What sin could be thought too great?

Free from distraction the Vagabond throws himself into his work, takes job after job and sets to building the most terrifying image possible, a reputation full of atrocities which grow with every telling. There are no weak spots for his enemies to target, no useless emotions dragging him down; they say he’s heartless, say he’s inhuman, call him evil, call him corruption, call him nightmare. Eventually Ryan grows used to the way people shudder when they see him, confident in his talents and comfortable with his image. He finally acclimatises to the way mirrors reflect nothing but a cold black skull, and perhaps he couldn’t quite call himself happy but he isn’t exactly displeased with his life.

It becomes cathartic in it’s own way, a sense of satisfaction born from devastation, a sort of peace found in ruin. It makes him his own kind of damaged Ryan knows. Makes him unfixable, maybe. Or maybe it’s that thought in and of itself that condemns him, self awareness of his own desecration, a self fulfilling future of irredeemable wrongness. Either way he knows there’s no going back to how he was. Either way he knows, deep down, that he isn’t sure he wants to. Isn’t sure he’d take back soft, harmless Ryan even if he could, even with the nightmares, the fear and self doubt, the guilt. The glaring absence of guilt.

Ryan isn’t ashamed of what he is, of who he became. He can track his path directly, has run his choices over and over in his mind and comes to the same solutions every time; the Vagabond has always acted with intention. Ryan has always done what he needed to, what he wanted to, always evolved and advanced and overcome. So he isn’t ashamed, but he’s not always proud either. Not always confident that a life spent doing what is necessary rather than what is right is a life worth preserving.  

It’s easier now, in the island of misfit toys, the family of selfish entertainment and bloodstained choices. Easier to justify the savagery of necessity when it is more than just his own life he is protecting, more than just his personal goals he is chasing. In the FAHC Ryan has found the acceptance he never knew he wanted, rekindled emotions he’d have sworn were beaten out of him in a dark alley all those years ago. Like stitching together a ragged wound he’d borne for so long he’d forgotten how to live without it; the scars would never truly fade away, still twinge on the worst days, but all of a sudden he’s faced with a life free of constant misery.

There is no way to repay them for that, for showing him a world where death and joy do not cancel each other out, soothing his conflictions without changing who he has become, for kinship between the equally wicked. Ryan knows they believe he’d die for them, and he would. Would jump right in with eyes wide open, just as self-aware as when he let’s Geoff make a show of his obedience, let’s Jack drag him out looking for ridiculously specific vehicles or let’s Jeremy tag in on a job he could have handled alone. As when he slows down a new trick Michael’s covertly trying to replicate or resigns himself to indentured servitude when Gavin plays him like a puppet; affection clearer in action than he could ever conceptualise in speech, trusting his team to understand.

What they don’t seem to understand is the fact that, if they needed him to, he would do so much more than die for them. To die is nothing, is brief sacrifice, but Ryan would ruin. Would create and destroy and conqueror. Were he asked to he would tear down the whole world around them, set it alight and shelter them from the blaze; a level of devotion that scares even himself when he considers it late at night, beyond thankful for their ignorance. Well, Geoff probably knows, something dark and thoughtful in his eyes when he looks at Ryan, something deeply confident in Ramsey when he commands the Vagabond. Assurance that no threat is idle, no harrowing claim is merely theatrics, and that knowledge alone should be enough to send Ryan running, to remind him of what happens when he lets down his guard, but it doesn’t, not anymore. Not since he recognised the clear display of trust in all that conviction, relishing in the opportunity to prove himself worthy; eyes alight with dangerous promise he now merely looks back at Geoff and has faith.

It’s not perfect; no matter how happy he is with his crew Ryan will still lose himself inside his own head sometimes, a place no other can follow, no other can ever truly understand. For all he is the ghoul in the nightmares of so many others Ryan never could quite extinguish his own demons. After all this time he still goes back and considers all his choices, still asks himself endless questions, gives endless answers, constantly assessing his place in the world, his counts and tallies, his debt. It’s how he reassures himself of the truth.

Did he make mistakes?

Yes.

Does he have regrets?

Yes.

Does death haunt him?

Yes.

Did he choose this?

Yes.

Is he monstrous?

Yes.

Would he do worse?

Yes.

Does he love them?

Yes.

Did they destroy him?

Yes.

Does he love them?

Yes.

Will he destroy them?

Yes.

Does he love them?

Yes.

Is it worth it?

Yes.

Are they worth it?

Yes.

Is he worth it?

.

Is he worth it?

stherix  asked:

I'm very interest in the gifs you're reblogging, what's the name of the show?

Hello, friend, you are just the sort of person I want to hear from right now.
The show is called Timeless, and here is the trailer:

There is also this other cool promo. You don’t have to watch it. I just think it’s really fun with all the effects and transitions:

I watched the trailer and sort of fell in love instantly……… with the villain antagonist character and his potential interactions and relationship with the heroine. (WHICH have not let me down, btw. They have, in fact, lifted me up and added five years to my life span.)

Timeless is airing now on NBC. There have been 11 episodes so far with 5 more left in the season. And the reason that inquiring people like you are a such a beautiful gem is because the show is a little on the fence right now. We’re really hoping for a second season and need as many people as possible on board to boost ratings. It’s a great show with amazing acting, sets, and writing that just gets better as it goes. Please don’t let a possible threat of cancellation deter you. It is my opinion, where Timeless in concerned, that it is truly better to have loved and lost.

The premise is super fun as they go to many different periods in time ranging (so far) from 1754 to an upcoming episode taking place in the 1980s. All of the actors and people involved go on about how much they love it because each episode is almost like its own movie with different events and environments. And it really is. You’ve got the Hindenburg, the Lincoln assassination, the Alamo, Watergate, the American Revolution. Not to mention historical figures like Bonnie and Clyde, Katherine Johnson, Houdini, Benedict Arnold, etc. Every episode it’s new and beautiful sets. It’s gorgeous, period costumes so the time traveling characters fit in. And it’s a little mystery trying to figure out what in the world they are doing there. lol. Plus, if you like three-dimensional villains, the villain antagonist from Timeless is the embodiment of the saying, “Every villain is the hero in his own mind.” He has such understandable motives and is not 100% bad. Always a plus to me.

But also the series is not afraid to address “unpleasant” issues. As shown in the trailer, one of the time traveling characters is black. Another is a woman. And quite often they do not have an easy time because of it. So it’s really great that Timeless not only has a diverse team but also takes the time to present a realistic image of what their experience would be like. And it’s also nice to look back and see how far we’ve come. A+

So! If you are interested, all episodes are on Hulu right now. And NBC’s website. (Some episodes on their site need a cable subscription to watch, BUT the first three episodes are FREE!) 

Anyone willing to give Timeless a try and help ratings will have my express gratitude and love. ♥

8

THE ULTIMATE SHIPPER MEME [9/] current otps
Elizabeth & Jack (When Calls The Heart)

rachirdsims  asked:

Do you plan to maxis match more Alpha piercings and jewelry? They're absolutely gorgeous!!!

I am!! I’ll probably create some that I can’t upload due to tou’s but I’ll definitely post the rest! And I’m so glad you like them!!! 

Also idk if you know this but I have posted like two more on my blogspot (here & here)

desolationofzara  asked:

Short story: My big sister moved to Dallas recently and I'm missing the crap outta her (not that i'll ever say it to her face) because it's so quiet in the house now without her. I stumble onto your Voltron Brothers AU and honestly I can relate so much to it. I don't even miss her that much anymore. So thank you for your wonderful art and cheering me up a little today.

oh my gosh, i’m gonna cry, i have no idea what to say…

i’m so so so glad my art made you feel better, even just a little. i’m actually going through the same thing myself so i totally understand. it really is difficult being alone when you’ve grown up your whole life with your siblings huh….

anyway! it always makes me happy when people say they relate to my bro au bc there really are a lot of fond childhood memories involved in it for me as well, and it’s nice to see others getting the same sense of nostalgia from it too.

i hope you get to see your sister again soon!

Hamilton bootleg thoughts

It’s hilarious that some anti-bootleg people are saying “I’m not privileged! I’m just saving money to go! And I’ll still have to drive, like, 4 hours!!”
oh no…. how terrible it must be….. four hours….. and here I am, continents away, thinking I was so unfortunate….. oh you have opened my eyes…… 

smh there isn’t even a confirmation that it’s gonna be filmed, just an old article from last year that said it might be filmed: 

“I said we WANT to film the show with this cast before the year is out. That’s all I said. There are no plans for anything yet.”— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) October 5, 2015

come on guys. stop telling us to wait for something that probably isn’t even going to happen. you can guilt-trip me into buying tickets (and I will, with pleasure) when they tour in Armenia. thanks.

u can really judge my mental health based on how active i am on sh lmao.  i’m sorry i haven’t been here life has just been Too Much.  i took an unexpected hiatus but i really should be back within the next couple of days, i just need to finish some makeup work for class.  i love u all xx  

The Spoon
  • Sherlock: *desperately ruffles his hair, waving a plastic spoon* Okay. How about I pretend it's a police car racing to the scene of a crime?
  • Baby Holmes: *in her high-chair, blinking at him*
  • Sherlock: *hopeful* Or Dad-da and Uncle John running to solve a crime?
  • Baby Holmes: *giggles*
  • Sherlock: *pouts; defeated* Mama and Dad-da working?
  • Baby Holmes: ...
  • Sherlock: *exasperated* Oh come on, you eat for your mother! *talking to himself* How? How does she do it? *glances at the baby food* Substitute it for chocolate? Sprinkle it with fairy dust?
  • Baby Holmes: *lifts her arms* Dad-da...
  • Sherlock: *hesitates* No, you need to eat this or you'll get me into trouble.
  • Baby Holmes: *pouts* Cuddles, Dad-da.
  • Sherlock: ...
  • *LATER*
  • *lying in bed*
  • Sherlock: *smug* I figured out your secret. How you get Scarlett to eat her dinner every night. And you thought I wouldn't get it.
  • Molly: *snuggles up to him* Oh, well, it was nice while it lasted. I thought I hid it well, too.
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Sherlock: Hid...it?
  • Molly: *yawns* Scarlett's favourite spoon. The only one she'll eat from.
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Sherlock: ...
  • Sherlock: Ah.
  • Molly: *sleepy* What?
  • Sherlock: *shrugs* Well, unless baby food is harmful to adults, we have nothing to worry about.

hello there ok so first off i really really liked your drawing of castiel with a cigarette! could you draw dean smoking? that would be awesome :D “ ~ Nonnie.

Well Nonnie, for you I can at least try ;__;
Ijustcan’tdrawhisfacefuckmylifesghugsheogb.jpg

High Tide [V:LD Fanfic]

SUMMARY:

noun.
1. the state of the ocean’s tide at it’s highest
2. the highest point of something
3. a culmination

FANDOM: Voltron: Legendary Defender
PAIRING: Klance
RATING: Explicit
WORDS: 5k
WARNINGS: Descriptions of an anxiety attack
STATUS: Complete

Read it here on AO3.

I wish the kin community here would put more emphasis on questioning their kintypes instead of accepting them instantly. Validation is good to a point but questioning, asking why you identify this way, is one of the main aspects of being kin and it’s kinda sad that it’s almost nonexistent here, and when people do do it they only take a few days or so.