you're just so damn

MCU characters as John Mulaney quotes
  • Loki: "I’ll keep all of my emotions right here *points to chest*, and then one day I’ll die.”
  • Fury: "You have the moral backbone of a chocolate éclair."
  • Bruce Banner: “Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you!”
  • Bucky Barnes: “Hi, I’m very gay, and I’d like a few dollars.”
  • Clint Barton: "It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them- especially when you were supposed to do them. In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin."
  • Thor: "Anyone who has seen my dick and met my parents needs to die"
  • Tony Stark: "Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world. They terrify me to do this day...because 8th graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don't like about you. They don't even have to look at you for long. They'll just be like 'Ha, ha, ha hey look at that high waisted man he got feminine hips.' and I'm like 'No! That's the thing I'm sensitive about!'"
  • Steve Rogers: "I don't look older, I just look worse."
  • Peter Parker: "You remember being 12, when you're like 'nobody look at me or I'll kill myself.'"
  • Natasha Romanoff: "Sometimes babies will point at me and I don't care for that shit at all."
  • Scott Lang: "You know those days where you're just like 'this might as well happen. Adult life is already so damn weird.'"
  • Rhodey: "I have a girlfriend now. Which is weird because I'm probably gay based on the way I've walked and talked for 28 years."
  • Sam Wilson: "Stick it in, I am an American!"

I’d also just like to take a moment to appreciate the extra bonus risk Benvolio takes in going to Rosaline’s balcony to talk to her. Because on top of all the other shit; the proclamation of his impending death; the entire city hunting him down; his being completely betrayed by the person he thought for sure he can trust;

On top of all that, if any of Rosaline’s family members caught him outside on their grounds, much less whisper-shouting up at the new heir of their house, they would have killed him on the spot. No chance to prove his innocence; no time to explain, or bargain, or beg, he would have been run through faster than you can say “Hamlet”.

But he still goes. He still goes, and he still risks this on top of everything else he’s already risking, everything else he’s already lost, to ask a woman who by all accounts despises him to run away from her home and her family because she is all he has and he can’t bear to lose the strange, hesitant bond he’s beginning to feel for her too.

2
9

Andy + Travel  [Read More]

  "I tend to throw loads of stuff in a bag, then lose it because the kids’ stuff takes precedence. I spent our last holiday wearing the same pair of shorts all week, and I quite liked that. Holidays for me are about dropping anchor somewhere completely new and not being on show.“

This is what a blessing looks like. 

A sad pidge and her dog that no one needed

2

Oliver uses the salmon ladder for more than just his health.  »—>

Okay, I had such a hard time writing this. I’m so tired and have so much homework to do, but I don’t want to do it, so this is the product of my procrastination. I saw these really great Hunk caretaker prompts from @itisasign and I need it in my life. Since I’m not great at writing Voltron in the context of in space where it’s set, I’m gonna make this an AU. I also combined it with this idea I had that @toosicktoocare added to


Shiro had a shitty childhood. His mom was emotionally unavailable, hugging and physical affection was frowned upon in their house, and she expected him to attend school, and keep up with all responsibilities no matter what.  If he happened to get sick during the weekend, she was less irritated with him staying in bed.  But, because he wanted her approval, he would keep any ailments to himself.  He had a very vivid memory of going to school with a one hundred and three degree fever, and then bursting into tears when the nurse made him go home, because he was worried that his mom would be mad.

Because of how he was raised, he only admitted he was sick when he was practically in a coma, and he definitely wasn’t touchy feely. The friend group he had managed to fall into - Lance, Keith, Pidge and Hunk - were all very open with their affections.  While he loved them all to death, and he was more comfortable being open with his affection for them, it didn’t come in the form of physical affection.  He preferred to make sure they were silently taken care of.

They lived in an apartment complex near campus.  Keith and Lance lived together, and Shiro, Pidge and Hunk lived together.  Every Friday night, they would gather in Lance and Keith’s apartment and watch a movie, and they all sat in the same spots.  Shiro had the arm chair next to the couch, sometimes he had a pillow and blanket, but most of the time he didn’t.  Keith and Lance  sat on the couch, Lance against one arm, and Keith against the other.  Pidge was sprawled out.  She was leaning with her back against Keith, and her feet in Lance’s lap.  Hunk was sitting cross legged on the floor, leaning back against the couch with his knees to his chest.

*

Shiro had been fighting a bug all week. He woke up last Saturday with a headache and scratchy throat.  By Friday morning the following week, after going to work and classes all week, he was miserable and felt like shit. He had spiked a fever late the previous evening, and had been unable to sleep.  He spent the entire night tossing and turning, sniffling, and muffling chest rattling coughs into his pillows and blankets.  His head was pounding mercilessly and felt like it had been stuffed with cotton, his throat felt like he had been gargling nails.  He was stuffy, and achey, and freezing, and just downright miserable.  

He dragged himself out of bed, though, regardless of how badly he wanted to stay in bed, and went to his classes.  He stumbled through the door of his apartment at three-thirty, coughing harshly into the crook of his elbow. Pidge and Hunk were still either in class or at work, so Shiro had the apartment to himself.  He pulled the collar of his shirt up over his mouth as he went into a sneezing fit.  
He sniffled thickly, his head throbbing as he walked to their medicine cabinet and rifled through it.  He put the thermometer in his mouth as he fumbled with a blister packet of DayQuil.  

The thermometer beeped, and he had to squint and rub at his eyes to be able to make out the numbers (103.2).  Shiro had somehow managed to get the medicine open, and then decided to take a nap for the next few hours.  Movie night wasn’t for another four and a half hours, and he was hoping he’d feel more human.

Spoiler alert: He didn’t.  He felt worse, if possible.  

But, because being sick wasn’t an excuse, he dragged himself to Keith and Lance’s apartment.

Twenty minutes in, Shiro was staring at the spot on the floor next to Hunk.  The desire for physical touch was overwhelming, and before he realized what was happening, he found himself curled up next to Hunk, his head resting on his shoulder. Hunk was staring down at Shiro in complete shock, and once he recovered, he looked at his other friends, who were all wearing matching, dumbfounded expressions.

“What-” Keith started.
“-He’s sick.” Hunk said, a frown making its way onto his face. “I’ve known him for years, the only time he ever does this is when he’s sick.  Do you have a thermometer?”
“Yeah, I’ll go get it.”
“Hey, Shiro?” Hunk said.  “Buddy? Can you open your eyes for me.”
Shiro groaned, pressing his face into Hunk’s upper arm.  Eventually, he opened his eyes and then slumped into Hunk, coughing weakly.  
“Nnngh.”
“Ah, shit.” Hunk groaned after he had put a hand on Shiro’s cheek.  “You’re really not feeling well, huh?”
“M’fine.”
“The fact that you’re cuddling with me totally contradicts that statement.”
“I’m fine.” He rasped weakly.  
Hunk patted his back, and then Looked at Pidge and Keith who were looking on in worry.  “Help me get him on the couch.  We need to get his temperature down.”

Hunk hooked his arms underneath Shiro’s armpits, and Keith grabbed his legs, and they  lifted him on the couch.  

“Here.” Lance said, walking back in the room.

*

Hunk had been sitting up with Shiro all night, and realized what a restless sleeper he was.

Shiro tossed and turned, woke up a couple of times, and muttered unintelligibly for the greater part of the night.  His fever was pushing 104, and despite all of the fever reducers and cool washcloths on his forehead, the fever didn’t seem to want to go away.  

Finally, around four am, all of his restlessness stopped, and his breathing evened out as he fell into a deep sleep.  Hunk checked his fever, and then sighed in relief when the thermometer read 101.

Hopefully he would be feeling better when he woke up next.  Hunk walked over to his makeshift bed on the floor and laid down.  

“Goodnight, Shiro.” Hunk mumbled sleepily, closing his eyes as he drifted to sleep.

(19) Ignis’ pick up lines.

Noctis: It was funny at first, but it’s getting out of hand, Gladio. You should probably stop walking around shirtless.
Gladio: Why? I’m fresh and comfy like this.
Prompto: I mean, not that I agree with Noct, but…it’s Altissia and people stare.
Gladio: There’s no shirt that’s worthy of my body.
Noctis: There’s none you like?
Gladio: None that looks greater on me than my body does on its own.
Ignis: …
Ignis: You know what do would look great on you, though?
Noctis: Ignis, no.
Ignis: Me.
Gladio: Ignis yes.

“He was endorsed by the KKK but HE HASN’T BEEN RACIST” You’re right you know sometimes the KKK just feels like maybe we just wanna endorse a guy who doesn’t preach our beliefs thats why we endorsed Obama.

Except that didn’t happen you slimy prune.

hamlet and horatio cooking tho

  • “hamlet we cannot eat this I’m sorry but what you have made is not food”
  • “hamlet you have to use cooking spray or oil. also we need a new saucepan”
  • “hamlet you are not to touch the gas stove again”
  • “hamlet I don’t understand how you made rice do that”
  • “hamlet what the hell I genuinely do not understand how you got it so wrong”
  • “hamlet you are banned from the kitchen”
  • “hamlet you can boil the water for the pasta if it will make you feel better”
  • “HAMLET NO”