you're everything i wanted in a friend

i wanted to make a little appreciation post for all the avpd folks on here, so here’s to all the avoidants who:

  • spend hours or days working up the nerve to make that phone call
  • still share things with your friends even though everything in your body is screaming at you to stop
  • don’t text back for days or weeks at a time because it’s safer to let them wait than to humiliate yourself
  • can’t do anything in public comfortably, not even read, look at your phone, etc
  • stress sweat all the damn time
  • spend 40 minutes reading and rereading a post to make sure you didn’t accidentally say something stupid
  • have to use anger, snark, etc, to fuel yourself when you want to say something
  • are unfairly labeled as weak and timid because of you disorder

this doesn’t really even begin to encompass it, but i see you and i believe in you.

8

Happy birthday @tinyienzo!!

To everyone who started school last week/this week/whenever you start:
I hope you have a wonderful year/semester/school term. I hope your classes challenge you, but never stress you out. I hope you have wonderful teachers who want to see you excel and will do everything in their power to help you learn. And I hope you make lots of friends who love you for who you are and that you create a lifetime of wonderful memories together. And remember, you can do anything you put your mind to. Now go rock that place! :)

I tell myself that I want to write about you, but I still don’t really know how to. You’re the person who makes me wonder every day whether or not this is what love feels like. You managed to care for all of these pieces of me, pieces of me that I told myself were worthless and unnatural and out of place, and you’ve done what all of the other loves haven’t been able to do yet. I’m not struggling to survive without you, but I know that I don’t want to live in a world where you aren’t there. I’m not leaning on you to be everything that keeps me standing, and yet I want to hold your hand for the rest of this journey. You don’t make me feel like I need someone to tell me I’m enough, but you encourage me to be the strongest version of myself every single day. I’m just someone else entirely because of you. And now I know that this thing, this maybe-love..This was never supposed to make me jittery and out of control. This was supposed to calm me down. And you did just that the day your smile brought my tornado of a world to a gentle spin.
—  @itsfangirlalex; Please don’t ever let me go.
Loving you changed me. Some were for the better, and others for the worse. You became my weakness. You were the one thing that was capable of breaking me. Yet, you were my strength at the same time. I’ve never fought this hard for anyone my whole entire life. In the past, I’ve selfishly lived for myself, and now I want to live for us.
— 

-I want to be the best possible me for you

-m.t.t.

i think at some point if you’re gonna do Dark Brooding Media and have a lead character who is really a fuckup, and reaps consequences in their personal life from being a fuckup - losing friends, getting arrested, not being trusted or taken seriously - at some point, you have to throw them something. something in their life has to look up. maybe they finally beat some demon that they’ve been struggling with for a long time, or maybe they finally figure out how to have a healthy personal relationship. maybe they get revenge on something from their tragic past, and it actually makes them feel better, instead of just empty and gross. maybe they apologize and reconcile with someone. but it has to be something.

‘cause the whole “everything is terrible and also i’m drunk and it’s raining” is cute for a while, but eventually a couple of things happen when it hits critical mass: a.] the writer gets into a game of chicken where they feel required to out-grimdark themselves, and b.] it gets so relentless that people don’t want to see it anymore. even for people who are really into pessimistic or cynical media, there comes an event horizon where it just becomes a slog, and you start to feel like the character’s never going to develop by fixing themselves. there really needs to be balance, otherwise it just feels like there’s no point.

She was my better half, my good side. My hope. My strength. She was everything I wasn’t
—  Lost hope
When half of the world is sound asleep, just know that I am up missing you.
— 

-Thoughts of you keeps me up in the dead of night.

-m.t.t.

All the stars in the sky are incomparable to the sparks in your eyes.
— 

-I could spend a lifetime staring into them.

-m.t.t.

Hey you. If you’re anxious or nervous about your big plans today, I just wanted to stop by and tell you everything is going to be okay. You’re going to do just fine on your tests, performing your public speeches, getting that job interview, landing that new job, moving to a new town, settling in with a new group of friends, starting and fitting in at a new school, everything. You’re going to be all right. All the best things in life come with change. Have patience and faith in yourself. Keep trying. Breathe.

What I want with you

I want to watch movies and cuddle with you while I fall asleep on your chest to the sound of your heartbeat. I want to kiss in the rain with you. I want to sit around a bonfire with friends and family with you. I want to go camping with you and sleep in the tent where it’s so cold that we have to cuddle up next to each other to keep warm. I want to have a drive in date with you. I want to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up next to you every morning. I want to slow dance with you in our kitchen. I want to have a snow day with you where we’ll call in sick and take a drive to the mountains and play around in the snow. I want to lay on our couch listening to the thunder and lightening with you. I want to raise dogs with you then in the future some little ones that we will love more than we love each other. I want everything with you my love.

I’ve always heard the advice “Don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry.” The implication being that you’ll buy a bunch of food that you really want to eat right now and end up spending too much money, or overstocking your kitchen with food that will go bad before you can eat it, or both. “Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.” Etc.

As a narcoleptic, I have to apply that same basic principle to… everything. But with energy.

Don’t make plans when you feel good. Don’t agree to a weekend friend date on Monday wide awake after a shower. Don’t schedule a day out a day in advance after a nap. Don’t fill out job applications on a caffeine buzz.

When I feel good, I feel great. I feel like I can write a book, clean the house, cook a three course meal and take up photorealistic painting. I feel that way for anywhere from five minutes to a few hours and then it’s gone.

That feeling used to trick me into thinking it was going to stay forever, thinking that I was finally “cured” or “over it,” but now I know better. I can even tell sometimes how long it’s going to last. I had a ten hour stretch of it and made myself a Wordpress site that would have broken me down into a crying mess at any other time. Usually it’s closer to ten minutes and I can get some clothes put away. Or ten seconds, and I can get into the bathtub.

I don’t have a conclusion here or anything. This is just something I deal with and I wanted to try expressing it in words.

you know when your trying to be positive but everything keeps going to shit for you and everything keeps going perfect for everyone you know and you dont how to stay positive anymore… that is me

this is why i hate “mains” in OW because like, just some random will hound you because they want the character that you want to play.  and they talk shit like they’re automatically better at the character than you are so you should give it up.

Some guy: Hey, let my friend play Zen, he’s a Zen main and he’s a god. 

Some guy’s friend


Me: 

I have more time on Zen in this current competitive season then he has in his entire OW career on that account that he’s claiming is a Zen main.  Who really looks like the Zen main here?

but the chat got very much more bullying then I put in this post. so to save team moral, I switched and let him get Zen. but like.  ????????????? why should I really have to switch off a hero i want to play and feel very confident on just because you tell me you’re a Zen main.  

‘Nathan and Warren sitting on a couch in Warren’s room playing Xbox360 when Warren’s phone buzzes’ 

Warren - Hold on Nathan, I got to pause. ‘pauses’

Nathan‘rolls eyes’ For fucks sake, don’t tell me it’s !

Warren‘looks up from phone’ Max needs my help!

Nathan -  ‘tosses controller to the ground’ Uggggggh

Warren - What’s the matter with you ?

Nathan - You always do this Warren. You ALWAYS do this !

Warren - What ?

Nathan - Max calls, you go all puppy eyed and drop everything to do what she wants ‘crosses arms’ 

Warren - Yeah Nathan….she’s my friend ‘drawing’

Nathan - I might as well change my name to Brooke, because I’m always getting ignored by you for that hipster !

Warren - ‘apologetic voice’ Nathan…..I’m sorry

Nathan - ‘flustered’ Whatthefuckever, just finish the text ! I had a great killstreak going on you

‘Warren sends text, jumps on couch and unpauses’

Nathan - So …….’continues killstreak’

Warren - Yeah ? ‘killed’

Nathan - Whatd’ja send her ? ‘runs away’

Warren - Recipe for a pipe bomb……’respawns’

Nathan ‘drops controller’ ‘alarmed’ Warren ! You sent plans for an explosive over chat !

Warren - ‘ confused look’ Yeah ? So ?

‘Campus Security busts in an swarms the room, pointing guns at Nathan and Warren’

Warren - Oh god ! I ruined our lives together ! ’cries as head is shoved into the carpet’ 

Nathan - Warren ! ‘shoved into the wall’ I want you to know that I’ve always love……

‘time rewinds to before text’

Nathan - ‘jumps up from couch’ BOOM ! Headshot !

ura-raka  asked:

Send my character a ★ and I’ll bold everything they feel toward your character.

I like you // I love you // You’re one of my best friends // You’re like family // You are family // I dislike you // I hate you // I’d kill you if I got the chance // I want you to like me // I’m scared of you // I would adopt you // I’d date you // I’d sleep with you // I’d marry you // I’m worried about you // You confuse me // You’re annoying // I pity you // I respect you // I trust you // I feel protective of you // I’d invite you with me to parties // I’d lend you my money // I’d borrow your money // You’re good-looking // I’m suspicious of you // I’m hiding something from you // You’re fun // You’re boring // I’m upset with you // You’re nice // You’re mean // I’m envious of you // You’re smart // You’re stupid // I look up to you // I think you’re a better person than me // I think I’m a better person than you // I want to apologize to you // I wish I’d never met you // I never want to forget you // I want to get to know you better