you're always there and i am the shitty friend here so sorry about that

This prompt was sent to me sooooo long ago by @legojacques. Thank you for your patience! I hope it was worth the wait!

Note: This is an AU where Bitty and Jack have a heart-to-heart after the events of epikegster, and then the rest of year 2 goes on to happen as it does in canon. Pre-relationship friendship, ftw! Also, ridiculous flight itinerary ftw lol


This was not how Bitty’s winter break was supposed to start. He never should have used that cheap airfare website. At the time he booked it, the Boston to Montréal, Montréal to Atlanta itinerary did not seem so bad. Weird, yes, but not bad.

Getting to travel the first leg of his trip with Jack did not hurt either. Bitty could not help but snicker as Jack struggled to hide his surprise at the cookies stashed in his carry-on. “Yes. I packed an entire batch of cookies for this flight. I know it’s only an hour and fifteen minutes, but… playing hockey burns a lot of calories, so we gotta eat lots of small meals.”

The employee raised an eyebrow. “Is a batch of chocolate chip cookies the best meal choice?”

“They’re not your grandmother’s chocolate chip cookies–” Bitty stopped himself. “Actually, they are my MooMaw’s basic recipe, but with a healthier twist.”

“Oh?”

“They have more protein.” Bitty grinned when Jack made a soft “hah” laugh. It was good to see him smile after the events of epikegster. This was shaping up to be a good day.

The day went south just as their flight was arriving up north. The pilot announced over the speaker that a storm was starting up, and that the landing would be rocky. Jack stared out Bitty’s window intently with a soft frown on his face. 

Bitty tried to keep his composure, but the first big jolt of turbulence elicited a quiet yelp from the back of his throat. “Sorry, so embarrassing…” He blushed and shyly looked over at Jack.

Jack was rigid and pressed as far back in his seat as possible, his eyes closed. He was taking slow, deep breaths, but his exhales were a bit shakey.

“Jack? Are you okay?”

“I'm fine,” Jack snapped before he could correct himself. “Sorry, just…”

“It’s okay.”

“Hey… Bittle?” Jack asked with his eyes still closed. 

“Yes, Jack?”

“Could you… No, nevermind. It’s stupid.”

(More beneath the cut)

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anonymous asked:

Ok I know you're busy but please please please write whatever pairing you want for the post of the person who is advertising their services as being a terrible date to your family Thanksgiving dinner. No rush. Whenever you want. IF you want. Your life things absolutely come first

This has now been posted to AO3 here!

-Refers to this post  (text is there, but I changed to better match the situation/add in a joke or two)

A/N: This is set before the sort of reconciliation we get between Eliza and Alex (for reasons, even though other things have already happened that canonically take place post-reconciliation and really the timeline is all sorts of fucked but I’m beyond sleep-deprived), and since I’m writing from Alex’s POV, their relationship will sound pretty shitty, though it’s not the focus here. Also, this is pure crack–probably fairly terrible crack. In case anyone worried it would be serious….

Chapter Text

Knitting her eyebrows together in confusion, Alex reread at the vague subject line in her inbox: “Saw this, thought of you.” Knowing it was from Lucy already had her on high alert—the last time she’d unthinkingly opened a link from one of her emails at work, she’d ended up with the video for “Dick in a Box” playing at full volume to the surprise (and amusement) of her DEO recruits. But, since she was at home and more than a little curious, she clicked on the link, finding herself on a Craigslist ad that read:

“It’s Thanksgiving. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how youre still single? About how your parents really want more grand children? Well, look no further!

I am a 29 year old ex-con (long story, don’t worry, I’m plenty friendly!) with no family to worry about and a dirty pickup truck one year younger than me painted with some Scissor Sisters album cover artwork (there when I got it, but I like it too much to change it). I can play anywhere between the ages of 25 and 35 depending on hair and makeup. I’m a bartender and work late nights. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request:
• Openly hit on other female guests while you act like you don’t notice
• Start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion (I prefer to play the flaming liberal atheist, but can adapt depending on how promising the dessert selection will be and how much it would piss off your shitty family)
• Propose to you in front of everyone (I’ve got a cheap ring and all)
• Pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, I don’t really drink much anymore, but I used to. A lot. too much in fact… I know the drill)
• Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see (I require advance warning if I’m not to harm them in any real way or leave marks)

I require no pay but the free meal I will receive as a guest!”

Scowling, Alex switched over to email and sent back: “What the hell, Lane?”

Mere seconds later a reply came back in: “Morning to you too, Alex! You said you didn’t want to deal with your mom and your sister’s shitty boyfriend alone again so… voila! A solution—and it’s free.”

“I’m not going to hire an escort service,” Alex shot back.

“She says ‘strictly platonic,’ so it’s really not an escort service. And you’re not paying her, just feeding her. C’mon, think of all the joy those stories could bring to me, your dear friend, your oldest friend.”

“You arrested me for treason.”

“Hey look! Something you two have in common. You could totally bond about being ex-cons together.”

“Fuck off.”

“Do it!”

“No.”

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flatsound sentence starters
  • "Tonight I walked through a field that used to scare me more than I scared myself."
  • "I wish I had known you then."
  • "It was never death that interested me; it was the idea of an opportunity to follow a cold breeze that promised to take me anywhere but here."
  • "I’m sorry you thought this couldn’t work, because I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life than to prove that it could."
  • "You were not my world, you were my universe."
  • "And I wonder if that’s what it feels like to die."
  • "Why do I wait, wondering how long it’ll take you to admit it?"
  • "I’d rather keep my mouth shut then start to say what I can’t finish."
  • "I sit here wondering if anything you said was true."
  • "We both noticed something had changed."
  • "I called you up again today and you didn't pick up."
  • "I didn't expect it to happen this quickly, you know?"
  • "I sit here and I worry about myself so much."
  • "I wanted you to care, I wanted you to be nosy, I wanted you to be there."
  • "I know it's stupid of me to say that you don't care, I mean, of course you do, but I want you to care so much more."
  • "I can't be around all these people who all my life have tried to change me."
  • "I can't hide who I am."
  • "I will be happy for the first time in my whole life."
  • "It makes me feel good, makes me feel pretty."
  • "I will go to sleep; just know you’ll be in my dreams."
  • "If I cry, it won’t be because of you."
  • "You don’t have to wait or pretend that he’s just your friend."
  • "It scares me more than I'd like to admit."
  • "My only problem lately is I've got too much time so all I'm left with is that what's on my mind."
  • "I left out everyone and all I have at the end of the day is that what's on my mind."
  • "Say I came back today, would I have a spot in your heart?"
  • "I cheated with your ex best friend."
  • "You can't stand in my doorway for long."
  • "It's eleven o'clock, he's expecting you home."
  • "I'll walk you up the hill to your car."
  • "No, don't let go, don't let this die."
  • "I just need to know what I did to ruin this and turn your body cold."
  • "If you walk through that door there will be no us."
  • "I thought you were being distant."
  • "I did not mean to make this the worst night of your life."
  • "I need you to know what happened."
  • "I saw you walking by, you didn't say hi, you didn't even smile."
  • "You're not the only one who's feeling anxious toward the bullshit that's attached to growin' up."
  • "You said things would stay the same; well, have they?"
  • "I know you're scared, but you'll never get better if you keep running away."
  • "Sometimes you need to be self centered to understand yourself better."
  • "I'm not in the mood to stick around."
  • "Every day I think about you and why you had to turn into my enemy, when all I need's my friend."
  • "Look at me and see how much I've changed since you left."
  • "Well, is this what you wanted, for me to admit that this fucking hurts?"
  • "I was never good at talking smoothly."
  • "Now I don't remember how you speak; I mean, it comes to me in dreams, but by morning, I lose everything you ever said."
  • "I'm not perfect, I think I'm quite the opposite, I'm nothing to adore."
  • "Perfection is opinion and nothing more."
  • "I'll be here waiting when your plane lands."
  • "Hi, my name is none of your concern."
  • "I like the way you make me feel at home."
  • "It wasn’t a mistake - so please dont think it was."
  • "I didn’t have a lot to drink, I just needed a bit for confidence."
  • "They won't find out, no one cares enough about it to run their mouths."
  • "Just please, when you’re ready to go, try not to make it so painful."
  • "Will you write another sad, sad song?"
  • "It's obnoxious and it's useless to fight a war you're losing."
  • "This might be your only chance."
  • "Is it you who calls the shots?"
  • "I don't know why they're choosing to confide in someone who will talk about anything."
  • "There are people who miss me and I don't know why they're investing all their time into someone with my history."
  • "Why did you say that I was one in a million? Because I believed it."
  • "I thought I had something that you were too scared to lose."
  • "I also saw how often you say goodbye."
  • "Things were never supposed to be this good."
  • "Nothing I can say now would justify a thing, just know I'm sorry."
  • "I just wanted to say I hope you're okay."
  • "You're already hurt, I'm scared that if you put your trust in me, I'll make it worse."
  • "You're still so young, you have room to grow into something amazing."
  • "You won't remember who I am."
  • "I can't live with the chance that this feeling's ever coming back."
  • "I don't hate you, but honey, this still hurts."
  • "I'm not dumb, I know everything."
  • "That liquid he consumes makes him speak the truth."
  • "Look at me, because I exist."
  • "It's a shame that we're not soulmates because if I didn't know better, I'd say this feels pretty good."
  • "You've been gone for too long, why'd you go?"
  • "Is this what you think it means to be responsible?"
  • "I went to class, you didn't show up."
  • "I thought we said that we'd keep in touch."
  • "So live up to the name you’ve been making for yourself."
  • "Last night you had that dream again, the one where you try and run from your fears but you can’t because you’re wearing fabulous stilettos."
  • "If I were the sun, I'd shine my light on you and leave the people that hurt you cold."
  • "We’re fighting again, more than usual."
  • "I’m sorry about being me."
  • "I'll sleep on the couch."
  • "Bring me a cat to be my best friend."
  • "It isn’t like you ever said that you were committed to the thought of me and only me."
  • "I can’t believe I spent all morning trying to tell you I’m sorry about yesterday."
  • "You smell like the devil but you feel like the lord."
  • "I didn’t dodge all your bullets, I just denied that they hit me."
  • "If I told you I loved you would you reach out and touch me?"
  • "I wish we had just gone to bed."
  • "This could have worked."
  • "The best part of that whole song was skipping ahead to Nicki Minaj."
  • "I will not make the same mistake twice."
  • "I know you never really liked people, I didn't mean to make that worse."
  • "I still know the roads that take me to your street."
  • "I know I promised that we'd talk more it's just, I'm surprised you even want to talk at all."
  • "I'm so scared that you still think I'm the one who gave up."
  • "The plans we made were never mistakes, they just didn't work for us."
  • "You always knew the deal that we made and what this was worth."
  • "I'll go to sleep at a decent time when I find something worth waking up for."
  • "I keep checking my phone to see you haven’t called at all."
  • "I thought I was the best part of your life, now I’m pretty sure that I was wrong."
  • "You’re impossible to read so if you love me, come clean."
  • "I’ll refer to you as my special love, the one that set me free."
  • "I’m feeling lost in towns that were my home."
  • "It's my own body, I did what I wanted."
  • "It’s not that I don’t have words to say, I just don’t want to be the one that speaks them."
  • "Your only flaw is that you’re flawless.”
  • "I’m so full of shit, I’m surprised you bought it."
  • "Well congratulations, I didn’t know you two had made things so official."
  • "Don’t call me when it fizzles; in fact, don’t call me at all."
  • "What a beautiful sight to see you alive."
  • "I can't hold you responsible anymore."
  • "I'm lost now in the thrill of it."
  • "I just want to lay in bed with you."
  • "I'll throw everything I have into the flames just to make it last."
  • "There are reasons that I can't stay."
  • "I built my life around watching everything you do."
  • "I wonder if you're having fun."
  • "You said you were done; well, how done?"
  • "I want to believe that I really don't need him."
  • "I can't wait until I see your face and my brain feels nothing."
  • "I would never want you to stop your life."
  • "You were always a shitty friend."

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry if I'm here just going back to the same subject that hurts so much, but I needed to talk about it? And I know you're an amazing Mohnstad shipper (and also-thank goodness-loves William as well. SO, there's this lady on twitter that used to say HORRIBLE things about William, and then when Jon@s' clip came out she was all: how Jonas is always the best man on Skam, that he was giving up on someone he loved and Chris didn't deserve Eva and Jon@s is an angel from heaven and I'M SO CONFUSED?

Like can you punch a person online? Like…asking for a friend. I’ve been on the Skam post on ONTD and it was actually tolerable in the past, up until the end when all the Jonas apologists suddenly came out of the woodwork and I was like no fuck you. You CAN like Jonas as a good friend to Isak because lets be real, he was, but he was also a good friend to Isak back in season one when he was a terrible boyfriend to Eva. I don’t know why some people who like him are so quick to forget the shitting things he’s done and still do lbr. In season 2 while he was supposed to be “friends” with Eva, he stood her up at a party to go down on some girl and he didn’t even have the decency to tell her that he wasn’t coming. Like what kind of shitty. And people still say he’s a better character than Chris? Or even William? No fuck off. William may be guilty of shitty things but unlike Jonas he never treated his girlfriend like a shameful secret.

Not even going to go into the William hate, I’m sorry Jonas apologists who hate William have no place in my book or this fucking universe and they can serious gtfo.

“ giving up on someone he loved “ - *shouts into the abyss* IF HE LOVED HER SO MUCH WHY DIDN’T HE TREAT HER BETTER AND NOT TAKE HER FOR GRANTED AND LIE TO HER TO HER FUCKING FACE FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG???? and then to pull that bullshit victim card with the text like ‘why did you go destroy the beautiful thing we had’ like do fuck you.

IN CONCLUSION: you can like Jonas but don’t pretend that he’s a saint. He doesn’t deserve Eva because he never and probably will never treat her the way she deserves to be treated. You can hate William, but if your hate is based on the same three arguments (which it usually is) AND you stan Jonas and think that Eva should be back in that toxic mess then you can gtfo too.

She doesn’t not even deserve to bring up the name of my bb Chris.

Fuck I have so much feelings this morning damn I surprised even myself.

Also thank you for the ‘amazing Mohnstad shipper’ comment. I am super flattered.

Dragon Age II - a short summary
  • Hawke: damn we managed to escape from hell in Lothering now things will get better.
  • Ogre: well think again motherfucker
  • Hawke's sibling: don't worry people I'll protect ya'll.
  • Hawke's sibling: *dies*
  • Wesley: don't worry people I'm a templar I'm hella jacked I got this.
  • Wesley: *dies miserably*
  • Flemeth: hey losers I just saved your fat asses by turning into a dragon I already did that in the previous game.
  • Hawke: we lost two of us why didn't you come sooner?
  • Flemeth: you're fucking welcome
  • Flemeth: so bring this thing to this elf please
  • Hawke: why
  • Flemeth: bitch don't make me turn into a dragon again
  • ---
  • Hawke: finally we arrived in Kirkwall now things will get better.
  • Gamlen: well think again motherfucker
  • Leandra: shit bro we rich where all da money at?
  • Gamlen: I've got a problem ok you future zombie bitch
  • ---
  • Hawke: well a year passed I'm not gonna say that things will get better because last time I said that shit went down real quick
  • Varric: *impales someone for no reason* yo join me and my useless brother in a very risky spedition in the deep roads there will probably be no reward at all
  • Hawke: where do I sign
  • ---
  • Aveline: hey what's up I'm a city guard now.
  • Hawke: who the fuck are you?
  • Aveline: shit we met one year ago before the ogre my husband is dead rude
  • Hawke: fuck me I forgot to mention you in the first part of this post sorry girl
  • Aveline: I'm unromanceable
  • ---
  • Fenris: I'm trying to escape to my former master he is a mage
  • Hawke: cool bro cool
  • Fenris: I hate mages
  • Hawke: got it
  • Fenris: no like seriously if you support mages I'll kill you like forreal dough
  • Hawke: no prob homie
  • ---
  • Varric: Hawke we need some maps for that spedition I know a guy who got them.
  • Anders: yo I'm the map guy I also am mage and hate templars
  • Hawke: you look like you're gonna fuck shit up in the ending you know that
  • Anders: I hate templars they're evil.
  • Hawke: k
  • Anders: don't trust them or else I'm going to do something really really stupid
  • Hawke: I got you
  • Anders: I'm going to do something really stupid anyway tho
  • ---
  • Isabela: fuck me
  • Hawke: yoooo
  • ---
  • Hawke: shit I forgot I had to give this shitty medallion to that shitty elf for that shitty dragon bitch a year passed I better hurry
  • Marethari: thanks bring it up that mountain it's dangerous tho someone might die.
  • Marethari: Merrill you're going you little ungrateful shit.
  • Merrill: bitch you always put me in danger first with Tamlen and Mahariel now this I'm gonna call some hella sick demon to ruin this clan you'll fucking see
  • Merrill: just joking I love y'all that's why I use blood magic and I'm trying to restore a big ass mirror I'm not even sure what it does actually
  • Hawke: you're prettier than what you were in Origins
  • Merrill: is this a compliment
  • Hawke: *delivers medallion*
  • Flemeth: yo whassup bitches *turns into a dragon and flies off into the sunset*
  • Hawke: majestic
  • ---
  • Varric: so the spedition started here we are in the deep roads now
  • Varric: hey nice red lyrium idol
  • Bartrand: yeah really nice I'm taking it
  • Bartrand: I'm also leaving you here later assholes
  • Hawke: well shit
  • ---
  • Hawke: here we are in Kirkwall again now things will get better.
  • Arishok: *inarticulate yelling*
  • Arishok: *acts like a bitch*
  • Arishok: *starts a war*
  • Hawke: I should stop saying that
  • Isabela: well I think that's my fault bc I stole some qunari relic
  • Isabela: my bad *leaves*
  • Hawke: Isabela what the actual fuck
  • Fenris: I managed a duel between you and that giant unbeaten Arishok
  • Fenris: that's way better than all of us and Kirkwall's army fightning against six or seven qunaris I think
  • Hawke: who asked you
  • Isabela: hello friends I'm back
  • Hawke: Isabela you slut turn that book rn
  • Isabela: chill
  • Arishok: I'm taking the woman too
  • Hawke: no you're not you ugly horned owl
  • Arishok: *dies*
  • Qunari: we're leaving bye
  • ---
  • Hawke: ok I ended a war what now
  • Meredith: what about another war lol
  • Hawke: why me
  • Orsino: Hawke templars are big fat meanie help us
  • Meredith: Hawke mages are out of control help us
  • Anders: don't worry people I got just a fine solution
  • Anders: *blows chantry up*
  • Hawke: fuCK
  • Sebastian: kill Anders
  • Hawke: where do you even come from?
  • Orsino: we will resist 'till the end!
  • Orsino: nah I changed my mind better turn into a living nightmare and kill everybody
  • Hawke: yeah sure why not
  • Meredith: blood magic is bad so I'll use a magic red lyrium artifact to destroy everything.
  • Hawke: seems legit
  • ---
  • Cassandra: so it's over but we need Hawke now where is that fucker there is another fricking war coming
  • varric: idk lol
Out of all the Places to Cry

Summary: roughly based on this au prompt i saw floating around tumblr: 

  • ‘you’re lying on the floor of the movie theater crying and i’m the employee who has to tell you another movie starts in five minutes so you have to leave and i’m really sorry but im also confused as to why a documentary on lighten bugs affected you so much’ au

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anonymous asked:

Hey! Could you do a writing where michael is your neighbor and he sees you're not acting like your normal self and gets worried when you don't show up for classes? stay gold💥

You’re woken up by the sound of knocking at your door. You groan in annoyance, rolling out of bed and trudging to your door. Your pounding head mixed with your upset stomach makes your eyes burn at the corners, tears threatening to form. You push them back before slowly opening the door.

“Holy shit,“ Michael’s loud voice makes your head feel like it’s going to explode. “Are you alright?”

“Do I look like I’m alright?” You snap at your best friend.

“Uh - well, no, you don’t.” He stutters, his voice now quieter. “Just came to check on you, noticed you weren’t in class again.”

“I’m just not feeling well, Michael.” You rub your eyes.

“Can I come in? I want to talk to you.”

“Dude, I fucking feel like death.” You complain, opening the door for him to come in anyway. He comes in, sitting down on your bed. “What do you want?”

“What the fuck is your problem?” Michael’s harsh tone makes your head snap up at him.

“Excuse me?” You seethe.

“Y/N, you’ve been acting really fucking weird lately. You haven’t been coming to class, you’re drinking all the fucking time.” He points around your apartment at several empty beer bottles. You feel sick just thinking about how much you drank last night.

“So what?” You lay down, resting your head on his lap. You close your eyes and rub your temples, trying to soothe the throb in your head. “Let me do what I want to, Mike.”

“Listen, babe, I’m just worried about you.” He pets your hair, smoothing it down. “You’ve been acting really distant. You know you can talk to me, right?”

“I know, I know..” You sigh. “I guess I’m just stressed out.”

“I am too, Y/N. College is fucking stressful. But don’t you dare shut me out. You’re all I have.” His voice wavers, making your eyes snap open to look at him. Tears are welling in his eyes. You sit up, straddling him.

“Michael, I’m not shutting you out.” You assure him. “I just have some shit going on in my mind, I just needed a little time alone. I’m right here, Mikey.”

“I can’t lose you.” He sobs, his hands resting on your back as he shoves his head into the crook of your neck. You run your fingers through his black hair, trying to relax him.

“Shhh, you’re not. I’m right here, Michael.” You can’t even think about the pounding in your head or the queasiness of your stomach, all you can think about is Michael and how his words are hurting your heart. You feel like shit for treating him so horribly. He doesn’t deserve that. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Michael tries to compose himself. He pulls his head from your neck, wiping the tears from his red eyes. “I’m fine.”

“It’s okay, Michael.” You caress his cheek, the stubble tickling your palm. He gives you a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I understand. It was shitty of me to treat you that way. I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” He nods into your hand. “I’ll get over it.”

“How about you stay with me for the weekend? We can cuddle and watch TV and I’ll order pizza.” You suggest, leaning into his chest and wrapping your arms around his torso. Michael rests his hands on the small of your back, holding you close.

“You’re not feeling well, though.” His soft voice tickles your ear.

“It’s alright. Your company is distracting me from my hangover.” You giggle.

“Okay, that sounds nice.” He presses a kiss to your hair.

“I’ll never leave you, Mikey.” You look at him, taking his hands in yours. “You’re my best friend. I’ll always be right here for you.”

“I love you.” His fingers trail up your arms, giving you goosebumps.

“I love you too, Mikey.” You whisper.