you're a serial killer stop it

anonymous asked:

INTP + ENFP OR ENTP (you pick) headcanons (not only stereotypical science nerdy INTP, if you can ☺️) thank u xx You're one of my fave MBTI blogs, keep up the good work ❤️

INTP & ENTP Headcanons canon 

INTP bans ENTP from bringing lighters to parties because oh my god if one more person has to ask you to stop melting their red solo cups I’ll scream

Their “romantic dates” are crime shows and serial killer documentaries 🔪

INTP gets fired for absolutely no reason. ENTP sends the ex-boss a glitter bomb

INTP and ENTP run a very dysfunctional household; mac and cheese for breakfast, sticky notes covering the walls, every lightbulb is the kind that can change colors 💡

Halloween concludes, but they keep the fog machines by the front door. It’s more fun to leave the house that way. Dramatically 

They invest in installing secret passages throughout the house. One leads to a hidden library 📚 

This couple, on average, fist-bumps 1000 times more often than the average couple

~ INTP mod (I love this concept)

anonymous asked:

I love how non-spontaneous all your jokes are... You're as insincere as a fucking dildo at times, cause you're funny as fuck, like a real goddamn dick. But every joke is just some phoney fucking dildo. Plastic, insincere as a pocket pussy. You are the real dick, so stop hurting yourself man, you got this, just relax, take a xanax, and try and not deliver your jokes with some sorta sitcom-expectation. Do you have the potential to be Bootydiaries? Maybe, she's as sincere as a serial killer

anonymous asked:

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”

did u mean………………. daryl coming out to tara chambler

It was Tara he asked first, the words tumbling from his lips, halting and stuttering. “How did you….” and he paused, stopped, restarted. “When did you….” And again. “Fuck,” he murmured, looking down at his hands, wringing his fingers together. “You–”

And she placed a hand gently on his shoulder, a smile like sunshine on her lips because it was Tara and it felt like nothing could keep her down, and it was like she knew what he meant because she answered, “I didn’t for a long time,” and his eyes slowly rose, meeting her dark eyes, the sunlight highlighting the caramel tones in their depths, “but I met this girl once, and when I was with her, I felt….” 

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The signs as Lana Del Rey things
  • Aries: the iconic "it's coming you little bitch" comment
  • Taurus: being caught with Francesco's hand at her mouth during a date
  • Gemini: saying "I got money for it? You're giving me fucking attitude? Jeeeesus christ" to a guy at the airport who said she was only famous cause she got money
  • Cancer: attending a fashion show alone in 2011 looking really cute and sad while posting "no friends @ the fashion show :("
  • Leo: yelling "Stop! Let me fucking do what I'm fucking doing, just signing things" at her security
  • Virgo: always wearing simple but really cute outfits in paparazzi pictures
  • Libra: saying "you ffffucking didn't" when a fan showed her he had her name tattooed to his arm
  • Scorpio: moaning live while singing "serial killer"
  • Sagittarius: dumping Barrie-James O'Neill and quickly start dating Francesco Carrozzini
  • Capricorn: driving really expensive and classic cars
  • Aquarius: singing "let me fuck you hard in the pouring rain" when performing "born to die" live, instead of the original lyrics
  • Pisces: looking constantly distracted and dreamy, like she lives in her own world
  • Otherkin: *are heavily comprised of young people and the neurodivergent*
  • Otherkin: *identify with and relate to animals and characters, sometimes as a coping method*
  • Several tumblr users: GOD, YOU STUPID FUCKING KIDS ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE A CARTOON OR A MERMAID LOL WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD FUCK OFF YOU'RE INVALIDATING THE STRUGGLES OF PEOPLE WITH ACTUAL DYSPHORIA LOL GO DIE
  • Serial or mass killers: *are predominantly white men*
  • Serial or mass killers: *kill people*
  • Several tumblr users: GOD STOP HARASSING THEM???? THEY'RE NEURODIVERGENT YOU ABLEISTS THEY'RE TOO PRETTY TO SERVE JAIL TIME GOD I WANNA HAVE HIS BEAUTIFUL MURDERER BABIES LET'S ALL KICKSTARTER TO BUY HIS HOUSE

esoteric-allusion  asked:

" You're sick! Stop laughing!Stop laughing, you sick son of a bitch!" ((we already have a thread, so you can ignore if you like))

Nicolas couldn’t stop. Even when he stopped chortling, his shoulders shook with silent laughter. His face was red, blood-red tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. “But it’s- it’s-” he couldn’t manage to put together a sentence. “It’s so perfect” he finally wheezed. “Don’t you see? Besides, my laughing can’t bother him where he’s gone.” The thought of the dead man set off another round of giggles. 

(( SERIAL   KILLER   SENTENCE   PROMPTS.))

Parks and Recreation {Sentence Starters}
  • "Those are all insane hypotheticals and I promise you they won't happen."
  • "If you don't want to talk to me, you can just say so."
  • "Look at how hot she is! Isn't that crazy?"
  • "Have I ever given into that temptation? No. Never."
  • "They have happened. All of these have happened to me."
  • "What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me."
  • "In a way, that's a compliment. It shows dedication."
  • "Yo. I had to wait 'til my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. You ready?"
  • "To this day, I am haunted by those remaining penises."
  • "So, what happened? I mean, did you forget to check the entire field?"
  • "I AM NOT CRYING, OK? I'M ALLERGIC TO JERKS!"
  • "That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer."
  • "Um, I let my emotions get the best of me."
  • "One time, I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine."
  • "I guess when my life is incomplete I wanna shoot someone."
  • "Stop playing dumb. You know damn well what happened!"
  • "Well, in that case, everything I just told you was just a funny prank."
  • "Don't worry, it's not gay. Do we have questions?"
  • "Well, I think you're hysterical because of all the excitement, obviously."
  • "I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking."
  • "I want to punch you in the face so bad right now."
  • "Shut up. I don't have anything else to do. Do you want help or not?"
  • "So basically we're completely swamped. All hands on deck."
  • "I just want you to know I'm so grateful for everything you did for me."
  • "I haven't thought of that. That is a really great idea."
  • "No, we're good, thanks. In fact, you can head home early."
  • "I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have- network connectivity problems."
  • "But did they ask you to bring a vegetable loaf or a cake?"
  • "Fishing relaxes me. It's like yoga except I still get to kill something."

So, I see this fandom backlash against NSFW content, or people (predominantly teens and college students) attacking video games over “sexism”, and like…they just look like those dumbass soccer moms in the 80′s and 90′s screeching about the media “corrupting” their children. 

“That ‘Immoral Wombat’ game is going to turn little Jimmy into a serial killer!!”

It’s honestly no better or less stupid than the paranoid WASP parents that insist that Gravity Falls is full of “Illuminati”, and is turning children into “Satanists”.

They went so far off the left wing that they ended up on the right wing.  They’ve turned into the people they hate most of all.  That is just embarrassing.

the signs according to tumblr
  • aries: fuckiGN FIGHT ME
  • taurus: oh boy do i love food! uwu!!!
  • gemini: fuck u and the clique u claim, also i'm a hoe sweaty :)
  • cancer: i haven't had chill since i was a sperm
  • leo: i think i'm better than everyone else
  • virgo: obsessive slut
  • libra: i love everyone and drugs!! aesthetic!!
  • scorpio: actual serial killer
  • sagittarius: i'M sO rAnDoM!!! XDDDDDD
  • capricorn: entirely average but oddly mean??
  • aquarius: *bey voice* fresher than youuuuuuuu
  • pisces: i'm not a cry baby oMG STOP IT YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY