you will laugh you will cry it will change your life

Did you ever have a genuine psychic/medium experience?

Although many readings can be attributed to cold readings or sheer coincidence sometimes it’s uncanny how accurate psychics/mediums can be. Here’s a collection of supposedly genuine experiences from threads. If you have an experience feel free to tag me @sixpenceee!

by reddit user Jinuxxx

I never believe in palm /card readings. I don’t actually believe in it nowadays. BUT when I was in 9th grade, my friend took me with her to a fortune teller so she can have her future read. Surprisingly she mentioned about her love dilemma, a blonde guy and dark haired guy. She was completely convinced about her reading powers while I was meh… We’re teenagers, it’s natural we’ll find ourselves in situations like this. And then she predicted the scores she’ll get at the exams when you finish high school (in our country there are some mandatory subjects for the exams, thus multiple numbers) she guessed that right. If I think really hard about probabilities and stuff I can find a logic explanation to that as well. 

by reddit user GoobyBear22

About 5 years ago I saw a psychic that a family friend had told me was the real deal. I went in skeptical and came out a believer.

She used tarot cards and knew things that could have been lucky guesses, like that I had just bought a house and was renovating it, but she also knew specific things that no one else could have known.

The most amazing part of the whole thing was that she knew that I had some complications with my hormones and had a surgery in the past that would make getting pregnant very difficult, but she told me Despite all this, I would have a baby later in life. Toward the end of the reading she hands me the tarot cards and tells me to shuffle them. Then tells me to ask three questions in my mind one at a time. I decided to really test her authenticity so the first question I decided to ask was am I going to have children, and halfway through laying the five cards down, she stops and looks at me and scolds me saying “I already told you that you were going to have one child!” hah this is when I knew.

by reddit user wobblerss

This was before I was born. My mom had a neighbor who was a grandpa who could see the future. He told my mom that my sister would be really sick when she became a preteen and not to worry because she’d be okay. When my sister was a preteen she was diagnosed with cancer and after a year and a half she was perfectly fine. My mom was pregnant with me when she met him again and he told her that I would be a c-section baby. My mom already knew this and said she had scheduled the c-section already since I was breach but he was adamant that she would have me on a certain day and that the c-section wouldn’t go on the planned day. I was born on the exact day he predicted.

Nothing too crazy but the fact that he knew that my sister would be sick and would be okay is crazy to me. He also didn’t want any money and approached my mom and asked if he could do a reading for her.

Keep reading

Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!

Aries: Told You So

I know you like
When I admit that I was wrong and you were right
At least I try
To keep my cool when I’m thrown into a fire
And they go

I hate to say I told you so
But they love to say they told me so
I hate to say I told you so
They love to say they told me

Taurus: Hard Times

All that I want
Is to wake up fine
Tell me that I’m alright
That I ain’t gonna die
All that I want
Is a hole in the ground
You can tell me when it’s alright
For me to come out

Hard times
Gonna make you wonder why you even try
Hard times
Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
These lives
And I still don’t know how I even survive
Hard times

Gemini: 26

Hold onto hope if you got it
Don’t let it go for nobody
They say that dreaming is free
I wouldn’t care what it cost me

Reality will break your heart
Survival will not be the hardest part
It’s keeping all your hopes alive
All the rest of you has died
So let it break your heart

Cancer: Pool

I’m underwater
With no air in my lungs
My eyes are open
I’m done giving up
You are the wave
I could never tame
If I survive
I’ll dive back in

As if the first blood didn’t thrill enough
I went further out to see what else was left of us
Never found the deep end of our little ocean
Drain the fantasy of you
Headfirst into shallow pools

Leo: Idle Worship

Oh, it’s such a long and awful lonely fall
Down from this pedestal that you keep putting me on
What if I fall on my face?
What if I make a mistake?
If it’s okay a little grace would be appreciated
Remember how we used to like ourselves?
What little light that’s left, we need to keep it sacred
I know that you’re afraid to let all the dark escape ya
But we could let the light illuminate these hopeless places

Just let me let you down

Hey, baby I’m not your superhuman
And if that’s what you want
I hate to let you down
I got your hopes up
Now I got you hoping
But I’m gonna be the one that let you down

Virgo: Forgiveness

Don’t you go and get it twisted
Forgiving is not forgetting
Don’t you go and get it twisted
Forgiving is not forgetting
No, it’s not forgetting
No, I’ll never forget it, no

And you, you want forgiveness
(I can barely hang on to myself)
But I, I can’t give you that
(I can’t give you, I can’t give you that)
And you, you want forgiveness
(I’m afraid that I’ll have nothing left)
But I, I just can’t do it yet
(I can’t do, I just can’t do it yet)

Libra: Fake Happy

And if I go out tonight, dress up my fears
You think I’ll look alright with these mascara tears?
See I’m gonna draw my lipstick wider than my mouth
And if the lights are low they’ll never see me frown

If I smile with my teeth
Bet you believe me
If I smile with my teeth
I think I believe me

Oh please don’t ask me how I’ve been
Don’t make me play pretend
Oh no, oh oh what’s the use?
Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too

Scorpio: Grudges

Time is a bastard I won’t break my neck to get around it
But aren’t we so brave to give up a fight
And let the years go by without us
‘Cause now I feel you by my side
And I don’t even care if it’s been a while
I can feel that we’ve changed and we’re better this way

Stop asking why
Why we had to waste so much time
Well, we just pick up, pick up and start again
'Cause we can’t keep holding on to grudges

Sagittarius: No Friend

Another thorny field to scatter fruitless seed,
Another song that runs too long god knows no one needs
More misguided ghosts, more transparent hands
To drop a nickel in our basket and we’ll do our riot!

Dance beneath another burning sky,
Behind our painted lips
In scores of catatonic smile-covered ankle-bitten ships
So throw your pedestal of stone in the forgetful sea
As protection from the paper-thin perfection
You project on me

Capricorn: Tell Me How

Think I’m tired of getting over it
Just starting something new again
I’m getting sick of the beginnings
And always coming to your defences
I guess it’s good to get it off my chest
I guess I can’t believe I haven’t yet
You know I got my own convictions
And they’re stronger than any addiction
But no one’s winning
[…]
You keep me up with your silence
Take me down with your quiet
Of all the weapons you fight with
Your silence is the most violent

Aquarius: Caught in the Middle

I can’t think of getting old
It only makes me want to die
And I can’t think of who I was
'Cause it just makes me want to cry, cry, cry
Can’t look back, can’t look too far ahead
I got the point, I got the message
[…]
I was dreaming life away
All the while just going blind
Can’t see the forest for the trees
Behind the lids of my own eyes
Nostalgia’s cool, but it won’t help me now
A dream is good, if you don’t wear it out
[…]
No, I don’t need no help
I can sabotage me by myself

Pisces: Rose-Colored Boy

Just let me cry a little bit longer
I ain’t gon’ smile if I don’t want to
Hey, man, we all can’t be like you
I wish we were all rose-colored too
My rose-colored boy

Leave me here a little bit longer
I think I wanna stay in the car
I don’t want anybody seeing me cry now
You say “We gotta look on the bright side”
I say “Well maybe if you wanna go blind”
You say my eyes are getting too dark now
But boy, you ain’t ever seen my mind

Self Care with the Moon (Astrology)

Nurturing, Self care and your Moon sign/placement

The moon in a natal chart represents how we nurture, how we want to be nurtured, our habits and our receptivity.

If you’re feeling tense, anxious or in need of self care and nurturing, look to your moon sign for some help as to how you can take better care of your emotional well being.

Moon in Aries/1st House/conjunct the AC from the 12th
- Express your emotions to others upfront
- Take care of your appearance
- Do jobs for yourself, you’ll feel better being independent
- Have that emotional blow up, don’t hold it in
- Don’t sit around wallowing in your emotions. Get up, and go DO something, take initiative
- You want to cry? Do it….
- Be in solitude sometimes (if your moons in the first house, you’re quite receptive to other people’s emotions. You need to get away from that from time to time)

Moon in Taurus/2nd House
- Material comforts such as good food, a soft bed, and comfy clothes will greatly help nurture you
- Having a well balanced bank account
- Write down 5 things a day that you value (about yourself, and/or what you have - not what you want). A gratitude diary would be great!
- Listening to music (or making music if you like to) will help you relax. Also painting and sculpting
- Hugs! Physically holding another will help you relax
- Nice smelling perfumes on your body or in your house
- Using Body moisturiser and beauty products

Moon in Gemini/3rd House
- Talk about your feelings
- Get out of the house and go for short trips around your neighbourhood/local area. Being in your house for too long will make you agitated
- Talk to others, In real life or online. Prolonged solitude can make you feel lonely very quickly (Facebook/Snapchat/Skype people when you can)
- Hang out with your siblings (if you have any/if your moon isn’t afflicted). If you don’t have any siblings, cousins and neighbours you’re close to is also great!
- Write things down, especially about how your feeling. You may enjoy journaling

Moon in Cancer/4th House/Conjunct the Ic (possibly from the 3rd House)
- Hugs Hugs Hugs!
- Cook/eat your favourite food
- Spend time at home (if you’re a 3rd House moon conjunct the IC, go out for short trips then come home to relax - you kinda need both)
- Be with your mother/family (if your mother is present/if your moon isn’t afflicted)
- Nurture others
- Be with children
- Cry on someone’s shoulder, it’s ok!
- Snuggle in bed

Moon in Leo/5th House
- Be generous and spread happiness to others
- Take the spotlight (but don’t be too greedy)
- Let people know how you really feel (don’t be too pushy about it)
- Express your creativity!
- Dance if you want to!
- Watch a comedy or joke around with friends
- Play games with children/Release your inner child
- Party 🎉
- Play games!
- Express your love to your lover. Give and get kisses and cuddles you deserve

Moon in Virgo/6th House
- Take care of your health. Take your medication, eat healthy and exercise
- Do yoga
- Make a ‘To-do’ list and calendars. You’re naturally emotionally stressed, make it easy for yourself by planning things
- Keep your house and environment organised and clean
- Pamper yourself by being well groomed and hygienic
- Relax in a spa bath
- Enjoy a healthy meal
- Make goals for yourself and aim to achieve them
- Help someone else out. Be of service
- If you aren’t feeling great, ask someone to do some jobs for you. It’s only fair

Moon in Libra/7th House/Conjunct the DES from the 6th
- Make art. Draw and paint
- Make yourself look beautiful. Wear your favourite outfit, get your hair/makeup done
- Listen to music
- Talk to others and close friends
- Spend time with a romantic lover
- Do something nice for someone
- Settle/balance an argument
- Weigh the pros and cons to making a decision
- Beautify your home and environment

Moon in Scorpio/8th House
- You’re emotions are so intense, you may need to seclude yourself fairly often from people. Take time out with yourself to avoid emotional strain
- Spend time 'going within’ yourself. You can do this through mediation or simply self contemplation. You have a need to know yourself.
- You need to protect your vulnerability. Find someone you can trust 100% to tell your feelings to, for you need a channeled way of release
- You can purge excess emotion and passion through sex and connecting with someone on a higher level
- Share your feelings with those you truly trust

Moon in Sagittarius/9th House
- Go for a long drive/bus/train trip. Explore your local area, or if you can, take a trip to a nearby town. Explore your sense of adventure
- You probably generally don’t like to think/talk about your emotions, and your resilience allows you to support yourself
- Enjoy the company of good friends. Laugh and have a good time
- You may enjoy watching a comedy
- Ask yourself the biggest questions of life and let your mind wander in the possibilities. It brings you ease knowing that everything happens for a reason, allowing you to maintain your optimism

Moon in Capricorn/10th House/Conjunct the MC from the 9th
- You like Scorpio moon folk, tend to prefer to keep your emotions under wraps
- You make like to literally 'work’ your problems out. Doing jobs and focusing on goals allows you to gain satisfaction of achievement
- At times, you may feel lonely and cut off from others. This is often self imposed. Don’t be afraid to open to others who you feel comfortable with
- Like Virgo moons, setting your self job lists can help give you direction, removing any feelings of being at a loss with life
- Spend sometime away from people who try to pry you open all the time as this can really stress you out

Moon in Aquarius/11th House
- You’re emotional wellbeing may not be the focus of your life, and you have great difficulty expressing your feelings to others
- You have the ability to logically analyse your emotions and fix things in your external environment that’s causing you problems
- Change things in your home/environment often to keep yourself stimulated
- Perhaps spend time partaking in humanitarian causes
- Talk to anyone and everyone. Being part of society can make you feel quite buzzed

Moon in Pisces/12th House
- Your emotions are highly sensitive and you are greatly sensitive to the emotions of others. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people or if that’s not possible, find a secluded space
- You react to emotional stimulus quite easy. Listen to happy music or watch a funny, lighthearted movie
- Never blame yourself for something you know you didn’t do. Don’t give into pieces victim mentality. Tell yourself the truth always
- Learn how to set yourself boundaries and don’t give into everyone all of the time. It’s great to be loving and generous, but you need to also take care of yourself
- Watch movies or play games that really draws you in and allows your imagination to run freely in a channeled way

©ellie-mae-astrology on Tumblr

Sometimes I feel hollow inside, like an empty drum. I work, I talk to people, I laugh, I do things to keep busy… but it all feels so empty. It’s a purposeless routine… I have no real direction and I can’t see my life changing any time soon. I know this is better than the constant agony I used to feel when you first left but sometimes I wonder – Is this what ‘getting better’ is?… Is this all it will ever be… this emptiness?
I know you shouldn’t believe that a person can complete you. You’re supposed to be a complete person on your own… and I was… I always have been… But I wasn’t a HAPPY person. I just sort of ‘existed’ and did things because that’s what you’re supposed to do…
But I never felt inspired by anything and I was never really happy until I met you. And it’s hard to let go of that. It’s something so many people take for granted every day and I absolutely cherished every second of it… but losing it was hard. And I’m doing my best… I tell myself “head up, don’t cry, and look ahead not behind” but even my own laughter sounds different now… false and hollow as it echoes around my empty chest.
And those are times it’s hardest not to miss you, when I’m smiling or laughing on the outside but feeling so little on the inside and I ask myself; is this really getting better? Or is this just the numbness you feel when you’ve felt too much pain for too long?
—  Ranata Suzuki 
Friendship Comes First:  What (Good) Fanfiction Can Teach Us About the Romantic Subplot.

I love all forms of storytelling:  television, books, movies, you name it.  As long as it’s quality, its ripe for the picking.  

It’s so easy for me to become engrossed in the lives and psychologies of fictitious characters, to care for them as though they’re people I really know.  Which, on some metaphysical level, I suppose is true, but that’s a topic for another essay.

However, in the midst of all my possibly Asperger’s-fueled hyper-fixation and nerdery, there’s one inevitable aspect of seemingly every plot to which I will almost always role my eyes and click the fast-forward button:  the goddamned romantic subplot.

So many times have I seen the exact same variation of romantic love between fifty homogeneous couples, and each time, I failed to see the appeal:  in books, the smirking, obnoxious male love interest will woo the object of his desire through flagrant disrespect, the same toned bodies will copulate furiously on my television screens (typically at the exact same moment my parents or small siblings will walk into the room), the same vapid, flirtatious stares and generic dialogue will be exchanged. 

But where’s the basis for it?  Yes, these people are stressed to be attracted to one another to the point of obnoxiousness, but do they even like each other as individuals?  Are they even friends?  Is there any three-dimensionality to their relationship besides sizing each other up and deciding to bump uglies? 

Simply and also sadly, the answer is very rarely.  And so, it seemed to me that romance was not my cup of tea, both in the fictitious world and out of it.  Or so it seemed.  

Because it was then, at approximately seventeen, that I discovered a remarkable phenomenon that would change my life forever:  fanfiction.  

Never before had I been so enraptured in the relationships of fictional characters, and I was baffled as to why.  Yes, I’ve read a tremendous deal of fanfiction that is, in fact, book quality, but as an avid bibliophile, I was perplexed as to why I’d never been so captivated by the romantic endeavors of a published author as I was by the passion-projects of writers not much older than I was.     

After a lot of time, careful consideration, and the illuminating words of some of my fellow bloggers, however, I believe I can finally put words as to why. 


1.  Give your characters a narrative purpose (besides being The Love Interest.) 

Do you ever wonder what inspires Supernatural fans to tirelessly churn out fics about their favorite human-on-angel pairing?  I have, and this is someone who’s a proud proponent of the stuff.  

The sheer magnitude of free literature available, constantly repositing the pair in all manor of situations and walks of life, is absolutely baffling, and undeniably impressive.  Indeed, some of the best works of romantic literature – and yes, I do consider fanfiction to be a form of literature – I have ever come across were starring none other than this specific pairing:  from the infamous Twist and Shout (which I don’t recommend if you ever want to listen to Elvis Presley music, visit a beach, or feel joy ever again) to the charming Have Love, Will Travel (probably my personal favorite), some truly beautiful love stories have blossomed from a pairing that has never even been confirmed onscreen to have romantic connotations.  

Perhaps just as baffling is the other end of the spectrum:  Lisa Braeden.  Lisa, for those unfamiliar, is basically posited as the love of Dean’s life, with whom he lived for a year before being forced to give up his dream of a family life and return to full-time demon busting.  They’ve canonically kissed, had sex, shared a bed, and everything typically associated with an onscreen couple.    

Yet comparatively no fanworks exist about them.  When Lisa does appear in a fic, she is usual Castiel’s rival for Dean’s affections, or simply a hapless bystander. 

Why is this?  Well, a disillusioned observer might point to straight women’s apparent predilection towards fetishizing male homosexuality (I, for the record, am not straight myself;  I’m a proud bisexual who, thus far, has only dated women.)  I’m inclined to retort that this isn’t giving female fans nearly enough credit. 

For starters, remove all context from each relationship and examine them with a critical eye:  on the one hand, you have Castiel, Dean’s angelic savior from forty years in perdition.  Castiel is clearly fascinated with Dean, appearing in his bedroom, somewhat suggestively (advertently or otherwise) inquiring about his dreams, watching him sleep, routinely invading his personal space, and ultimately rebelling against heaven in accordance with Dean’s wishes. 

On the other hand, you have Lisa, a perfectly nice character who’s introduced as “the bendiest weekend of (Dean’s) life” and…well, that’s about it.  She’s later shown as a sort of amalgamation of Dean’s subconscious desire for a mother figure and normal life, but she, as a character, remains somewhat underdeveloped and hollow. 

You can’t expect fans to hold the two relationships to the same caliber and then cry internalized misogyny and fetishization of gay and bisexual men when they don’t.

The fact of the matter is, onscreen “friendships” are typically much more developed, much more three-dimensional, and much more ideal of what a truly epic romantic plot should be.  A character with a clear place in the narrative and three dimensional characterization all their own will almost always be more charismatic than a character who’s introduced as exclusively The Love Interest.  

This is not to say that what makes fanfiction so great is that it sexualizes or romanticizes friendship.  In fact, I’m inclined to believe it’s the other way around.  

Which brings me to my next point…

2.  Make sure your characters are friends.

It’s a romance for the ages.  A love like no other.  They’re soulmates, yin and yang, a match made in the stars.

But do they enjoy each other’s company?  Laugh at each other’s jokes?  Take part in each other’s interests?  Are they even friends?  

The sad fact of the matter is, romance and erotica are, as a whole, starved for values of friendship and camaraderie. 

This is something I realized only after my love of fanfiction took root, when I tried to return to my normal sources of adult entertainment (romance, erotica, and porn) and found them, by comparison, almost bafflingly lacking in warmth and camaraderie.  

What I think makes fanfiction so addictive is the fact that it’s built upon the established relationships of two or more characters (the Onceler and company notwithstanding) who, typically, care for one another as friends and compatriots.  

Look at some of the internet’s favorite pairings:  Dean Winchester and Castiel remain a classic.  Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers are always crowd-pleasers.  Kara Denvers and Lena Luthor are seeing a rise in popularity.  We all know Sherlock has somewhat fallen from grace, but the union of its two main characters still retains a devoted following.

This is no accident:  despite lacking onscreen confirmation, these characters have proven themselves to care for one another as more than objects of their sexual desire.  They’re friends, with relationships based in loyalty and warmth that are, unfortunately, sorely lacking in typical fictional romances.  

Once you get a taste of this brand of friendship-infused romance, in fanfiction or otherwise, it’s hard to go back.  

This isn’t just limited to quote-unquote “fanon” couples, either:  couples such as Mulder and Scully, Bones and Booth, Yuuri and Victor, and Ladybug and Chat Noir can all attribute their popularity to this strong basis in friendship, camaraderie, and mutual respect.

This is also the leading cause as to why the formerly booming 50 Shades franchise, and other arguably sexist, abusive dynamics, are struggling at the box office.  

Which reminds me… 

3.  Make sure your characters are equals. 

Unless you’re writing a Lolita-esque social commentary, it’s probably your best bet to keep your characters on fairly equal ground. 

I mean this in every sense of the word, too:  I have a difficult time getting invested in a romance when there’s a pretty blatant power imbalance, which oftentimes occurs due to the implicit sexism of the entertainment industry.

Disproportionately young actresses are assigned as love interests to much older men, such as Emma Watson’s twenty-something-year-old character lusting over a man almost twenty years her senior in Irrational Man.  

Physically mediocre or average-looking male characters are frequently pared with stunningly beautiful women who like them because they’re “nice,” fueling the existing mentality of all self-proclaimed “nice guys” who think society owes them a hot girl.

Furthermore, @popculturedetective just released an amazing video explaining the “Born Sexy Yesterday” trope, in which hopelessly naive, beautiful women are seen swooning over their more savvy male lovers.  (Found here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=0thpEyEwi80)

I love Splash and the Fifth Element as much as anybody, but both films incorporate all these tropes in ample proportions, and it’s frankly ridiculous. (On the topic of Splash, however, I’m greatly looking forward to a subversion of this trope in its remake, starring Channing Tatum as the titular merman and Julianne Belle as his human love interest.) 

On the other hand, you have fanfiction.  I’ve read numerous essays professing that fanfiction is becoming increasingly popular due to the fact that same-sex relationships tend to be implicitly devoid of these sex-based imbalances, and I’m inclined to agree.  

However, I’ve read others stating that male-male pairings tend to be so popular because male characters are typically more well-developed by writers, making it perfectly understandable that fans would be more invested in a possible romance between two characters of equal multidimensionality (see point 1) than one that is sorrowfully underdeveloped.  I’m inclined to think that this theory is even more on point.   

Because look at some of the successful onscreen relationships I listed prior:  we root for Bones and Booth’s inevitable union the same way we swoon over slowburn fanfiction, delighting in Mulder and Scully’s banter and craving their interaction.  

These are, in my opinion, some examples of straight couples done right, because they’re portrayed as friends (see the previous point), and just as importantly, as equals.  

Last, but certainly not least, the male characters in both pairings are depicted as having nothing but respect for their female compatriots, depending on their intellectual know how and not being ashamed to say so. 

A more contemporary example that gets this wrong?  Well, not to offend any fans of the pairing, but Mon-El and Kara, a la Supergirl.  Mon-El was, at the beginnings of his arc, consistently disrespectful towards Kara, putting her down and insulting her in the very same episodes in which her female compatriot – Lena Luthor – is shown vocally admiring and praising her.  

Mon-El has since improved on his behavior, but the damage is done:  I still have a difficult time seeing him as a likeable character, much less a suitable love interest for my beloved Kara.   


These are just a few recommendations, based on the ways in which my somewhat obsessive love of transformative literature (i.e. good fanfiction) have helped me as a writer and helped me view the implicit problems with mainstream romance with a more discerning and critical eye.

Here, I could provide a counterpoint with the recurring problems I’ve noticed in fanfiction, or I could go into some recomendations for writing explicitly gay and lesbian relationships.  Both of these, however, are topics worthy of another essay.

Disclaimer:  I am assuming that any and all readers are trying for an enjoyable, healthy romantic subplot with equally charismatic, consenting, and likable characters.  Dysfunctionality can be just as interesting from a literary standpoint, but again, this is a topic for another essay.


There will be essays like this published at least once every other week, so be sure to follow my blog and stay tuned for future writing advice and observations! 

Our Little Secret-Part One

Summary: After a hunt and quite a few drinks the boys learn that you aren’t as ‘experienced’ in one department as they thought you were. Dean thinks he can rectify that

Series Masterlist

Characters: Dean, Sam, Reader

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Square Filled/Kink: Oral Fixation for @spnkinkbingo

Word Count: 4700

Warnings: Smut, oral (male and female receiving), insecure reader, language

A/N: Thank you so much for reading. This is the first part of what I hope is a lengthy and smutty series. Any feedback is always appreciated. This is also for @emilywritesaboutdean and @wheresthekillswitch ‘s Do It Like TFW Challenge (The gif is near the bottom)

A thank you to my beta @ayeronda for betaing at an ungodly hour and being so wonderful.


It’s been a long ass day and an even longer hunt. You were more than happy to be sitting on Dean’s bed in the boys’ motel room, sipping on your second, or maybe it is the third beer. And that was just here, it wasn’t counting the four or five shots you had had down at the bar. So now you were here and Sam was riding Dean hard about his strikeout at the bar.

“Dude, you were never going home with her.”

“She doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.”

You can’t help but chuckle, “What? Two whole minutes?”

Keep reading

Let’s start it off with the one and only, the canon pairing of a sad sk8er boi and his tiny baker: Jack Zimmerman/Eric “Bitty” Bittle!

Ice Crew Please!

THE FIC THAT CHANGED E V E R Y T H I N G u don’t even KNOW oh my god

u read this and u r like: “ice crew au…?? wut” but U GUYS. READ IT.

I AM. BEGGING U. its so fucking funny but also so fucking meaningful and abt CREATING A Fa mILY !!!! and LoVe!!!! and frieNDShIP!!!

p.s i don’t want to spoil it but if u read it message me and ill talk to u abt the part that made me cry like actual tears bc thank god for friendships and acknowledging that shit is hard

the messes of men

this was… in it’s own way.. a hard fic to read (which makes it the best fic to read! pain! i love it! help me!) it’s very very very beautifully written and i hold it very close to my heart….how it portrays jack by himself and how hard it must’ve been…it also manages to weave in how mental illness plays its own role, even once you get together with the person you’re pretty sure is it for you. somewhat painful but cathartic and achingly tender.

until it got the best of you

umm bitty has a big dick. that’s it.

BUT then there’s feelings! and angst! and misunderstanding! (the best type too! u know when one is like so crazily in love with the other and thinks its shockingly obvious but surprise, it’s not!) it’s just fantastic!

i never saw the signs

imagine a world where jack jumping over the snowbank, bringing bitty coffee, going on long walks classifies (in jack’s mind) as dating. so when bitty gets asked out, jack cannot believe the b e t r ay a l! we’re dating bitty! just read this and be happy :)

left the city, my family, my precinct

oh my goodness this fic.

jack accidentally sends bittle a dick pick.

:0  ;)  <3 ___ <3 = summary of the fic

mixing it up

this is just….so cute?!??!?! and funny?!??! and 1!!!!!

bitty is contestant at a baking tournament for the falconers where jack and tater are the judges. at least, thats where it starts off.

tater is fucking hILARIOUS this fic in general made me laugh a lot.

strawberry

if u about that dom/sub life well…….just know that eric pins jacks hands to the bed and there’s v intense blushing that boi turns red like a tomato and i live 4 it.

eric is a tad too southern for me but it’s the only thing this fic doesn’t do perfectly :))))

something like this

considering how popular this fic is it actually sat open in a tab for a looong loooooong time just bc…well… it’s 285,748 words. im an all or nothing girl as in i once read the entire maze runner trilogy in one night so i had to find the right time

first of all: angst. second of all: angst. third of all: ….. u guessed it… angst. BUT don’t worry, for every drop of angst there’s a metro-fucking-ton of smut and sweetness :)))) ;))) what this fic does brilliantly is create an OMC that is at the forefront of the story and do it seamlessly. this is a pretty iconic fic and tbh im definitely not one for fics longer than 100k but this was a fuckin’ beaut man

rake the springtime across your sheets

oh god this was P A I N F U L but in a very beautiful way??? (that’s how u know the writing was siCK) ambiguously happy ending but tbh in the end this fic is really just abt the unspoken quiet truth of being in love, of loving, of being human just lke Fffffffuck me up

Phone, Please!

listen. i’m not a fluff person. idk i get bored. BUT. BUUUUUT. BUT. this fic.

AMAZING. this fic is all about the details and the little moments that make Bitty and Jack  ~*BittyandJack*~

Bonus favorite line: “Thank god there are pancakes to serve. Pancakes are also very nice, and something he can actually have.”

Winter Clothes

Chowder POV so this is both hiLARIOUS and surprisingly touching. Jack and Bitty help Chowder buy clothes for New England winter. As a person living in New England, I approve this message.

WIPS: *Hate That I Love You plays in the background*

medic, please!

so if u ever played world of warcraft u r gonna love it and if you’ve never played world of warcraft u r gonna love it

this fic is just SO CREATIVE?!?!! like the format of it is B O M B. its just. so good. oh ym god.

(also the name is “medic please!” get it? cuz eric’s a medic in the game.? and check..PLEASE! ugh I’m a nerd 4 this pic

Fainting Psychics and Pessimistic Demonologists

ghostbusters au except not bc copyright

at first i was like…ghost hunters au?? rlly? but now I’m like GHOST HUNTERS AU? B R I L L I A N T.

characters are on point, its funny (an actual line of the fic “Jack sat down at his computer, pulled open a tab, and googled “How to encourage a teammate”. lmao what a mess)

but also theres some mystery and intrigue and suspense and in general this is a Good.

baking is punk as fuck

this is another AU that i was like…punk band u ….rlly? but then i was like PUNK BAND AU FUCK YEAH im a sucker for asshole Jack. i’m not even into punk?? but im into this fic U ___ U

This Don’t Even Feel Like Falling

filed under “praise kink mmmm”

honestly? porn..? “Bitty is the one to tie Jack’s hands for Hazeapalooza; afterward, he ties Jack’s hands for their own private enjoyment. “ like?? I’m not sorry.

but also not established relationship more like fwb but u know and i know and ngozi knows that ain’t the game we’re playing here

around the green and blue

not usually a big fan of soulmate aus but what i love about this fic is the pacing and even tho soulmate aus where seeing your soulmate = seeing color for the first time isn’t totally new this felt super fresh and original!

shine for you

aw MAN this gave me the feeeeeels. established relationship but jack is not out, it’s a bit angsty but the jack perspective is just so gooood

EXTRA: It all started with a big Russian hockey player calling a small cat-loving hockey player a rat. You either h8 it or u luv it. In my case, I Love it, capital L, so enjoy: Alexei “Tater” Mashkov/Kent Parson

careful the tale you tell

Kent has been telling himself a story, ever since the Q. It’s the epic story of Parse and Zimms, and he’s in love with it. // this fic is specifically meant for patater newbies and this fic does an amazing job of showing why kent and alexei just make sense. its honestly a Blessing.

kick on the starter

lmao im gonna be 90 years old and still reccing Febricant’s fics…for real when i saw they wrote patater i was like…no..im dreaMing…or im dead? is . is heaven?? rlly unique approach to how she gets them together and gr8 build up :)))) Bless Febricant

i need to wake up, i need me some love…

honestly? shameless fluff. established relationship (they’re ENGAGED FOR GOD’S SAKE) short but Good

When we first met, you and I, you asked me a question,” he said.
“Yes, I did,” she replied with a slight smirk appearing on her face.
“We were at a party. I was throwing up in the bathroom and you stumbled in, drunk and quite crazy looking. You asked me what the point of it all was. You said everything hurt. That everything always got messed up, and it was usually your fault. You were crying, hard, and you looked at me and asked me what the point was. And I didn’t know what to say, because I didn’t know. I still don’t know.”
She let out a small laugh and bumped his leg with her knee. She took a deep breath and spoke.
“You see, when we first met, I was heartbroken. I just got dumped, my mom hated me, I thought I had no one. I didn’t see the point of living, of doing anything anymore,” she told him quietly.
“Well what about now?” he questioned.
“Well now,” she spoke again, louder this time, “now I’m happy. I have you, my best friend. My mom doesn’t hate me. I haven’t fucked anything up in a while. But it won’t stay like this forever. Because I’m going to mess up again and you’ll hate me and I’ll hate you and then we’ll love each other. Maybe we’ll end up together in the long run or maybe I’ll end up wishing you would drop off of the planet. What I’m trying to say is, nothing is permanent. You won’t be happy forever but you also won’t be sad forever. Things are always changing, and you can’t stop them from doing so. The point is, that there is no point. So live however the hell you want to. We’re all destined to the same inevitable ending.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write #8

anonymous asked:

Omg ??// those time travel fics are so good ??/ would you happen to have more recommendations?

Hi! I have gotten so many requests to update my list, but there are so many I’m just going to make a whole ’nother list! You can find my first list here!


Time Travel AU (Part 2)


Standard Deviations by JustBeHappy, Teen, 82k
Victor knew something was wrong when he woke up. Firstly, Yuuri wasn’t by his side in bed. Secondly, the wallpapers weren’t supposed to be blue. LOVE!

News Travels Fast by TheSecretUchiha, Gen, 1.3k
In which time travel happened but there is no mention of time travel and Viktor and Yuuri like to surprise people, especially reporters. THIS IS SO GOOD

Turn Back the Clock by IronScript, Teen, 52k (WIP)
When Yuuri and Viktor wake up over thirty years in the past, they don’t know what to do. Does the other remember? Luckily that particular question is quickly answered and they can relax slightly, but what about afterwards? Viktor was brought back to right before his first Olympics, and Yuuri isn’t even old enough to compete in Seniors’! Great fic!

The Switch by BoredPerson69, Teen, 5.3k
The Switch was a true mystery to science. Nobody knew how or why it happened, it just did. Soulmate AU!

Katsuki Yuuri Solemnly Swears That Time-Travel/Alternate Universe Bullshit Did Not Happen With The Intent to Piss Off Yuri Plisetsky by Eldestmiddle, Teen, 20k (WIP)
When Yuuri wakes up, a sweet-faced twelve-year-old, he bursts into tears and his mother calls him in sick to school. He spends a day in bed, crying and pinching himself until he can really believe that he’s really doing all this over again. Then he starts laughing because he’s really doing all this over again. It feels like it should be easier but when he tallies up, the losses are almost too much to bear. WOW!

Maelstrom by feelslikefire, Explicit, 43k
Victor Nikiforov is poised to win gold in his fifth consecutive Grand Prix Final. He has the world at his feet, is unparalleled in the sport–right up until a snowstorm blows into Sochi, and he finds himself repeating the same day over and over and over. He stumbles over Yuuri Katsuki, and everything changes. Time loop AU! One of my all-time favourite fics!

And I Will Try to Fix You by Dawn on ICE (Dawn_Blossom), Teen, 19k
16 year old Victor Nikiforov may be lonely, but he isn’t sure how getting thrust into the future to live with his older self and his older self’s fiancé is going to help anything. Oh, and the 16 year old version of his older self’s fiancé is there, too. Thumbs up!

of whispering lights and empty ice rinks by nauti, Gen, 12k
One would think that everything would calm down after Yuuri won the Onsen on Ice event. It was supposed to be his year; he was going to be training with his long time idol turned coach and he was back in Japan with his family. Everything was looking up for Katsuki Yuuri. That is, until a stranger that looks exactly like him, but older appears in the middle of the rink after a bright flash of light. SUCH a great fic!

counterclockwise by viktyuuri (Empress_Arisu), Teen, 4.9k (WIP)
Life after retirement, Yuuri thinks, is quite a nice change of pace. Although, not so much when he finds himself thrust back into the past. In which married husbands Viktor and Yuuri somehow end up 5 years in the past without knowing how or why. I love Victor in this asjhdlsjflk

Those Second Thoughts You Asked For by akisazame, Teen, 7.1k
The first time Victor skips backwards in time, he is fourteen years old. Highly recommend!

a great desire to love by lily_winterwood, Teen, 21k
For some strange, inexplicable, fantastic reason, Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov are trading places.  THE GREATEST Kimi no Na wa AU!!!!

it’s not a side effect of the champagne, i am thinking it must be love by lostincostco, Teen, 2.5k
Somehow, Yuuri gets the distinct feeling he’s being punished for something. LOL I LOVE THIS

Future Self by fishydip, Gen, 5.2k
Soulmates AU where one day, at random you wake up in your own body, except in the future after you have already met and fallen in love with your soulmate. you get a random amount of time to spend as your future self to learn more about them. Another great soulmate/time travel AU!

Stammi Vicino by Mairieux, Teen, 2.5k
Katsuki Yuuri, unable to sleep due to being wracked with nerves and anxiety, finally passes out in his hotel room the night before his first grand prix final. And when he wakes up? He has no idea why he’s suddenly sleeping so close to a mop of silver hair. So cute!

A Minute or a Year by I_have_problems, Teen, 8.7k (WIP)
One minute Yuuri and Viktor are enjoying their offseason while planning their wedding the next both of them are thrown three years into the past and are left to find one another again. Angsty but worth it!!

Tiger Stripes and Smartphones by vivi1138, Teen, 24k
In the glorious year 2004, the famous Victor Nikiforov owns a Nokia3510 and is very proud to be the only one at school who got rid of his monochrome mobile phone. So, where is his precious device when he wakes up in an unfamiliar room and finds an expensive smartphone filled with pictures of someone who looks exactly like him… but older? Rec’d by a follower!


The gif was created by @omgdango !

I’m tired of being sad and having no clue as to why I am this way, so I’ll write about the happy bits of me and why I smile. I dance when I’m alone, when the music gets just right and I’m sure that no one is watching, it’s okay to feel lonely, I used to not like the idea of it, but once you’re comfortable in your own skin even depression starts to feel like a breeze. I’m reading a book that says we are the beliefs and thoughts that we think and believe in. So if I say that I’m happy a thousand times, one of those will come back as true. So if I say I’ll find the love of my life some day, some day she’ll appear in front of me while I’m writing another poem. It’s good to have goals, the only goal I’ve ever had up until recently was to keep myself happy with someone else, that’s not a goal, but an illusion. You can’t live your life for someone else, it’s called your life for a reason. Happiness must happen when I say so, so I’m saying so. We bring into this world the kind of kindness that we’ve been dealt, so when I fake a smile, my mother is omnipresent. Although it’s not real, fake it until you make it, right? The book also says, spend more time doing things that make you lose track of time, so I decided to write again and more often than not, to not compare myself to others because once you start doing that, there’s no going back. I don’t write like someone else, I write like myself. I don’t think like anyone that I know, there’s just you and the beautifully twisted world, we’re all trying to find redemption inside of coral skies and trustworthy friends. I would break my own hand to contain my anger, it is contained. Happiness is what we make it, so if I say that it exists, then it will be so. Listening to your guidance, that makes me happy. You know who you are. Breathless to the words, you paint the sunrise with your pinky and promise that as long as I’m here today, tomorrow will not be filled with sorrow. I keep writing letters to the future person that I will be, I wonder if I’ll change. I probably will, we all do in one way or another. I’m the kind of person that snaps a picture of the sky while I’m driving, I’m reckless, but we’re still alive. Life’s too short and I need to be more careful, I’m certain that death has given up a few passes for me. Do you ever feel like you’re running out of time? Like there’s something trying to make a statement, a lost word that even google couldn’t even get its hands on. Do you ever feel like no one’s really listening? We’re all selfish in the end, but the ones that truly listen– they are the ones that I live for. I maintain online friendships better than I do with my siblings, I guess our thinking is just on different frequencies. On the topic of frequencies– the you that you would like to be is out there, you just need to listen. Hear the right words said by the right person and you’ll be in the right spot to be the you that you’d want to be in this life. Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? Remember that thing I said about thoughts? Sometimes we just need to let go a little bit, embrace the art of it. To be left to the wind, the unknown will bring us to more adventures and you may not be loved by many, but there’s a chance that you will be– why not take it? I would like to break out of this, I want to smile more and to laugh a little louder, I just want to make myself proud of who I will be versus who I used to be. And you can’t turn back the hands of time, you cannot change your mistakes– they are permanent, but you are not. There is a fire inside of your chest and if you keep suffocating yourself with an indescribable pain then you’ll only suffer in a incomprehensible way. I just want to fill this world with more love and less pain, I see a butterfly and I’m easily distracted– how beauty will fly past you if you’re not even paying attention because you’re so damn sad all of the time. So I drop all signs of negativity and lean towards the positive, I am the only vibe that’ll alter my moods, so I must feel more wealthy than a million silver spoons even if I don’t have any, so I must create the art that likes to spill from my fingertips, we live such short lives– why not be the best version of yourself? Who will you be if tomorrow was your last day on this planet? Will you cry because it’s over? Or will you search the ends of the earth until you’ve found the fountain of youth? I’ve got a secret to share with you. You can be a 100 years old and still have the sweetest smile, you can be in your 20s and have a soul heavy enough to sink the titanic, life is strange, life is strange. We live our youth to buy pretty things, but live our oak days trying to make up more time– it waits for no one, the wrong turn will break you, a simple kiss will turn your thoughts into poetry and a life of self-hate is a road that needs constant validation– why not be your own way out? Be your own lover, be your own brand of music, be your own kind of poem, be your own story of kindness, and if you’re not perfect just look around– nobody is. I’m tired of dreaming, I want to build it instead. You can’t be who you want to be if you’re still having the same thoughts from last year– you can’t change or heal in the right way if you’re not willing to break a few pieces of your heart because the clutter inside of our minds often match the attitude that we give off. So like a quote, so like a poem, so like a bedtime story. If I repeat it enough times, I’ll be happy. I just want to be happy. I just want to let go of the bad feelings. I just want to love myself enough to see a brighter day. You can’t change the world if you can’t even change yourself, right? If I repeat it enough times, then it must be real. I will be happy. Sadness is a crucial emotion because without it, being delighted and euphoric wouldn’t be so dense, but that’s the beauty of the intensity to which we should love ourselves. I want to be so fucking glad to wake up today that it’ll just drown my depression into the white noise. I want to glow in the dark and live like the jellyfishes, give my poetry the immortality to always bring a smile onto the faces of those that love who I am even if I’m a bit flawed because at the end of the day– you’re the only one sleeping on your bed, you’re the only one who’s going to determine if you’ve got enough room to breathe, you’re the only one to have the last say if you’re art or not.
—  I wanted to write something happy for you–
yes, you. The person that’s reading this.
Driving Home

DeanCas Coda to 12x12

Dean’s sweaty hands grip and re-grip the steering wheel as he surreptitiously looks over to the passengers side. It’s weird to be driving Cas’s truck, but he insisted under the pretense of letting the angel rest—”Like hell’m gonna let you drive home, Cas. Get in the car.”

Castiel stares listlessly out the window. Dean swallows thickly.

“…So, are we gonna talk about it?”

No answer.

“Cas?”

Dean’s heart is beating a mile a minute and he’s convinced he’s gonna be sick. When he side-eyes his angel (and he can say that now, because apparently the idiot loves him), Cas is gripping the edge of his trench so hard his knuckles are white. 

“Castiel,” Dean says. His full name feels foreign on his tongue. “You–You can’t just leave me hangin’ here, man.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Dean.”

Dean’s heart sinks.

Keep reading

Innuendos + Bonus Chat

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Request:

A Steve x reader where Tony makes really bad innuendos and Steve and the reader are to innocent to know what they mean


Tony has created a chatroom.

Tony has invited Bruce, Y/N, Steve, Scott, T'Challa, Rhodey, Peter.

Tony: Dinner tonight, all of us? I can make reservations at Rhodey’s favorite restaurant.

Scott: The one that spins?!

Tony: Yes, Scott. The one that spins.

Scott: I love that one! The waiting list is booked,  it would take months before we can eat there!

Tony: Oh, honey. When you’re a billionaire, you don’t need to wait.

T'Challa: And if they make us wait, I will just buy the restaurant. #RicherThanStark

Tony: … Who uses hashtags in a chat?!

T'Challa: #ObviouslyNotYou

Peter: I would love to come but… I have to study for a test tomorrow.

Tony: Aw c'mon kid, we haven’t seen each other in weeks! T'Challa just got back from Wakanda, Scott is finally free, and Steve and Y/N just returned from their 4 week long mission.

Bruce: Yeah, we miss you all!

Tony: Just one night! You’re smart, Peter. You’ll do fine in your test.

Peter: I guess…

Rhodey: #BadDad

T'Challa: #TonySucksAtParenting

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi, I don't know if you're taking prompts but I just read your scene about Andrew being there in Baltimore and it was amazing so I wanted to ask you to write something about Andreil + neck kisses, because I feel like this is a Very Important plot point that was not fully explored. Like maybe Andrew coming to terms with the fact that it's actually his favorite thing, and not knowing how to ask for it? Ugh I just finished rereading the series and I can't get enough of these stupid boys 🦊

(Thank you so muuuuch, and also I totally agree tbh)

He hates the way Neil always pauses to kiss at the hinge of his jaw on the way to his neck. It’s like a check point, the sweet press of a power button, and Neil doesn’t even seem to realize he’s doing it. He kisses with his whole face too, dragging down over Andrew’s bottom lip and chin and throat with his eyes closed, like he’s too in love with the experience to even look.

It’s killing Andrew. It’s stoppering the air in his lungs and giving him stomach ache with how bad he wants it. You like it. I like that you like it.

Andrew hates that he likes it, the vulnerability of that bared neck. It feels like a mistake every time he does it, but it also kind of feels like he’s taken the first shots of the night and he can’t stop, like the more he drinks the thirstier he gets. Neil is such a mistake, but he’s so so easy to make.

Kissing — like this, with the covers pushed down and Andrew on his side with his hand up Neil’s shirt — feels inevitable. He can’t stop pushing up Neil’s springy cowlicks and Neil can’t stop fumbling down to Andrew’s neck and sucking. It’s so humid and nervy-tense between them, like it’s never been, like Neil is singlehandedly dangling Andrew off of a rooftop.

Neil passes his tongue over that root of Andrew’s jaw and Andrew makes a noise so low that it sounds wounded. He just barely keeps his hands from forcing Neil closer, chasing that moment where Neil can’t help himself, circulating between mouth and face and neck before Andrew directs his attention elsewhere. He just wants to stay in that circuit with his hands open and his head tilted back.

Andrew’s fist must go too tight in Neil’s hair because he pulls back frowning, lips red.

“Sorry,” Neil says. “Carried away.” He looks troubled by this, like he’s not used to being carried away by things that aren’t arguments.

“No,” Andrew starts, and then stalls out. His hand is still in Neil’s hair. He doesn’t know how to ask for this; doesn’t even know if he wants to.

“No?” Neil repeats. “Okay.” He leans back and off of Andrew, passing one hand through his own hair and undoing Andrew’s work messing it up.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” Andrew says, and the way he’s exposed is too much — shirt pushed up in the tousle to pull Neil on top, hard and marked up.

“In my experience, no means stop,” Neil says evenly.

It’s exactly what he wants to hear, he realizes suddenly. Neil finds this humiliating way of giving Andrew what he wants without looking like he’s considered it at all.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

do you know any good altean!lance and galra!keith fics??

ohhhkayyy, god damn, like tumblr crashed on me as I was like 3 fics away from finishing this so I had to like start all over, like rip me.

and, I don’t have many altean lance fics so most of this is galra Keith and pretty much all angsty. I tried to find some less angsty ones, I don’t know how well I succeeded xD.

Note: I’ll be starting weekly fic recs in April. just and fyi~


Warmth by Rahar_Moonfire

Summary: Lance is Allura’s younger brother. During the mission to retrieve the Red Lion from Galra hands, he gets captured. His guard is a curious Galra halfbreed named Keith who may just be his ticket to freedom. He’s a bit small for an alpha, but Lance is sure he can handle it. A little flirting never hurt anyone after all. The fact Keith is good looking for a Galra and those ears wiggle (so cute!) doesn’t influence this decision. Nope. Not one bit.
Series: 4 Works
            Work 1 WC: 61497 (19/19)
            Work 2 WC: 111883 (32/32)
            Work 3 WC: 133875 (42/42)
            Work 4 WC: 71480 (21/?)
Notes: THIS IS LIKE THE ONLY FIC I HAVE WITH ALTEAN!LANCE AND GALRA!KEITH. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. gahgldfkjhsa;d, ok so this is just an amazing series, some nsfw tossed in btw, youve been wared. but over all, i just love this series so much and i need to like catch really bad… i didnt know work3 or 4 even existed… >.< 11/10

Echoes of the Past by Gigapoodle

Summary: It was his fault. He shouldn’t have retreated – he should have ran after them, Galra forces be damned, and ripped the red paladin right out of his weaponized hands, shooting the commander dead on the spot.But he hadn’t. Lance stood there, frozen with adrenaline and fear, before backing out with tears in his eyes, justifying it to himself by saying, ‘he won’t get far, we can easily get him back once I have Voltron with me.’He’d forgotten they didn’t have Voltron. He’d forgotten that without Keith, Voltron was nothing.Keith is Galra. Keith is gone. Keith is Galra. Keith is gone.
WC: 28197
Notes: -hands over some tissues- here you will need these. 100/10

I Was Born A Lion by spectralPhobia

Summary: After Keith discovers he is part Galra and Red lion rejects him, there’s only one way he can make himself useful: to join Galra and try to wreck them from the inside, while figuring out a relationship with a guy who turns out to be his biological father.
A comic about one stubborn man’s self-discovery, the challenges of spying, everyone in team Voltron being BAMF, and the universe that needs saving, as usual.
WC: comic, so no words counted by AO3 (11/?)
Notes: Galra Keith because Thace is some kinda of scientist? Uhm yes please. 10/10

your claws in me by burlesquecomposer

Summary: “Oh trust me. When I’m done with you, I won’t be able to stop laughing,” Lance says lowly, and his lips curl farther, and there’s something wild in his stare, and it hits Keith suddenly.This isn’t Lance.
Lance falls under the control of Zarkon’s Druids, and although his friends manage to get him back, nothing is quite the same. Maybe the Galra succeeded after all. Maybe the Galra merely wanted to tear Team Voltron apart from the inside.
WC: 49072 (12/12)
Notes: Rip Lance tbh, this is like really angsty and my heart breaks for Lance. but yes, galra keith is there to save the day~ 10/10

This House Unfinished by boyghosts

Summary: “Concept,” Lance said, his voice heavy and gutted with the ache of it; he caught Keith’s gaze and smiled wide, for show. “The war’s over. We’re back home. All the things we love in one place.”Lance keeps losing the things he’s built. Then there’s Keith.
WC: 30776
Notes: -cackles- have some tissues my friend 100/10

Dancing Lion, Painted Wings by genericfanatic

Summary: Years after peace has been made between the Galran and Altean kingdoms, The witch Haggar comes for vengeance. The young symbol of peace, the half-galran, half-altean Prince Kalor is lost. His aunt, Princess Allura, and his bodyguard, Shiro, are heartbroken.10 years later, an orphan named Keith sets out on his own, trying to find the key to his past. All he has to help him is a small figurine with a cryptic message, a friendly engineer, a technician and her friendly robot, and a cocky con man with a mysterious, yet familiar past.
WC: 35154 (14/14)
Notes: the anastasia au everyone talks about. and like galtean keith gives me life, but conman Lance gives me more. 10/10

It Takes a Village by Zemmiphobia

Summary: One decision by an injured soldier changes not only the fate of the universe, but the fate of her young son.
WC: 18010 (6/6)
Notes: Smol Keith is like my fav, hes so cute in this. and Ulaz being a dad just heals my heart, like bless. 11/10

Ashes, Ashes by vagrantBreath

Summary: Everyone knew their kitten was destined for something greater.No one guessed it was Voltron.
WC: 26639 (20/20)
Notes: Keith raised by the BoM technically makes him Galra right? xD Hahah no, he does have ties, but yeah i love this, hes a sheltered little shit and its great. 9/10

Purple Marks and Bleeding Heart by TeaParade

Summary: Mark #223-code-violet, Lance’s newest job, is not what the sniper signed up for when he joined team Voltron, a specialist group designed to take out the universe’s worst of the worst. This mark shouldn’t be any different from the other Galra, but he is. And Lance is having a very hard time.
WC: 52377 (12/?)
Notes: Sniper Lance and Galra Keith. literally one of my fav pairings. like straight up (tho nothing about this is straight in any sense really) 11/10

To See Blue Skies by BoyBitingDemon

Summary: He scoffed as he watched the fight below, the crowds going wild at the two fighters in the arena. They had such poor taste for entertainment these days.He heard a small sound of amusement from the one sitting next to his standing form, ever vigilant.“As if you were any better your first time in the arena.” They murmured under their breath, a small smile sneaking onto their face, pupiless gold eyes focused on the fight below, but their attention solely on the person standing guard next to him.“I must have have been somewhat impressive to catch the eyes of a certain prince now wasn’t I?"The prince snuck a glance towards the taller, whose face was hidden behind the helmet they wore."You caught a lot more than just my eye that’s for sure.”
WC: 5947 (4/?)
Notes: i,, just love this fic? Like Galra Prince Keith and Champion Lance, you can’t really get much better than this. 10/10

If Only I Could Cry TheSlytherinMudblood

Summary: Galra biology differs from human biology in many ways. For example, Galra are purple. They have yellow eyes. The mammalian ones are able to purr.They also lack tear ducts.
WC: 586
Notes: this is short and sweet (read angsty sorry not sorry) 8/10

The Master of Disguise by NireYllek

Summary: “Wait, what that doesn’t make any sense.” Hunk protested.Pidge shook her head with a tsk. “It does if one of us is disguised as Allura.”Pidge flashed a smirk in Lance’s direction. “I’m sorry, why are you looking at me?” Lance protested. Something in Keith’s brain clicked, he looked at Lance and then at the Princess.Put a little make up on him, a wig, and a dress and he could- OH my god.
WC: 33596 (6/6)
Notes: Tbh, this made me giggle so much. Lance dressed as Allura and Keith and his gay awakening™ just give me life ok. 10/10

anonymous asked:

AU where Bitty and Jack both suddenly wake up, after having had a few years together, and find themselves in their beds on the morning of the day they met. Both remember everything that happened, but neither thinks the other does, so they both pretend not to remember (which only complicates things more). They end up reenacting a lot of their interactions and it kills them both to do things they know hurt the other but they don't want to change anything.

oh no buddy, I’m not gonna let this stay sad. I’m gonna draw attention to several sad things, but then I’m gonna fix it.

******************

Bitty wakes up on his first day of freshman year. Again. He quickly decides that he can’t say anything to anyone. There was no way to prove that the life he had just been living was anything but a dream.

He goes through the motions as well as he can remember. If he lingers a little on the handshake when he ‘meets’ Jack again, well, who could notice a thing like that?

Jack wakes up in the Haus. He mirrors Bitty’s mental process, realizing that if he started talking about this he could lose the future he knows is on its way. He searches Bittle’s face for recognition, but is too afraid to say anything.

Jack takes a deep breath every day and snaps at Bittle, pushing every pet name out of his mind. Bitty forces himself to forget and relearn how to take a check. On the rink together for checking practice, neither can think of any way to ask if they’re going through the same thing. They both cry more than they did the first time around.

Sometimes Bitty just gets angry at having to repeat things. He tries as hard as he can to not mess the repetitions up, but he isn’t perfect. When Ransom and Holster start asking him what his type is, he rolls his eyes and replies “Men.” As soon as he’s said it he remembers that he had only said that later to his camera, but the damage doesn’t seem to be too great. Jack doesn’t seem to react to the change, adding to his mental list of evidence that everything else had just been a dream. He gets the list of eligible Winter Screw options a few days earlier, but everything settles back to what it had been within a week. Whenever he starts thinking about the next few years, he’s enraged about everything he’s going to have to sit back and let happen. Everything that was going to make Jack sad, and that he wouldn’t be able to fix. Everything that was going to hurt him that he couldn’t avoid. 

Jack wakes up every day and writes up a game plan. It’s hard to have to turn back years of learning and be worse as a captain, especially when he remembers every mistake he made in every lost game. So he writes down those mistakes as a reminder to himself to make them. Half of the mistakes are emotional, and that’s what really gets him. He’s forced to act like those years of growing as a person never happened, like they were worthless. He hates trying to make himself glare at Bittle when they’re on the same line, he hates telling him that it was a lucky shot, he hates being so close to his boyfriend except for the fact that he isn’t his boyfriend yet.

Then it’s the playoffs. Bitty steels himself all week for the concussion he knows is coming. It crosses his mind to try to avoid it, to spare himself the pain and potential brain damage. But he remembers that it was only after the concussion that Jack started texting him, and they really got close. He knows that if he went against the play he knew Jack was going to suggest, he’d only drive them apart. Besides, it hadn’t been that bad the first time.

Jack is confident he can find another reason to text Bittle over the summer. He’s thought about this for the whole school year. Whatever consequences could come from not seeing Bitty hurt like that would be worth it. He just has to convince the coaches to not put Bitty in at the wrong time. 

“Oh my god, I thought we got over this months ago,” Bitty mutters to himself. He doesn’t remember Jack getting so annoyed about playing with him during this game, but he’s at a point where everything has run together in his mind. 

“Jack, I’ll be fine,” he half-lies. He will, eventually. There’s something close to panic in Jack’s eyes. Weird, Jack had taken so long the first time around to show any tiny sign of weakness.

“Promise me you’ll avoid number three.” This is definitely different from before. Bitty stares at Jack. “Spencer, number three, don’t go near him when he’s on their side of the rink. Promise me, Bits.”

“You didn’t even call me Bitty at this point,” he says in shock. They stare at each other for a minute, eyes wide. 

“I won’t get the concussion this time and we’ll talk about this after the game,” Bitty blurts out. Jack nods vigorously. They play, and it’s brutal, but Bitty avoids the hip check. Once the game is over, they rush to get seats together in the bus. In whispers, they talk about the future they already had. Bitty mourned the years of school he had ahead of him that he had already completed. Jack complained about having to rewalk a long path to the Stanley Cup. They talked about teammates who felt like family but would still know them as strangers. Graduation, the Fourth of July they spent in Madison, their first Christmas together. Every important milestone of their relationship.

“And in this loop or timeline or whatever, we haven’t even kissed!” Bitty whispers, letting his head thunk back against the headrest. “I was at the point where I was out of college, happy with my career, and hiding a ring from you!”

“You weren’t!” Jack says out loud before dropping back into a whisper. “I was doing the same thing.” They both start laughing. It’s the perfect time to have a second first kiss. They lean in towards each other, their lips meet, and–

–They’re back in their apartment. Bitty sits bolt upright in their bed and turns to Jack. For a fleeting second, he thinks about pretending the last several months just didn’t happen. Jack sits up too, and their eyes meet.

“Did that just–”

“Your frog year take two–” They dissolve into relieved laughter.

“I thought I was going to have to take calc again!”

“I thought I was going to have to listen to you complain about calc again,” Jack says before Bitty smacks him with a pillow. “Kidding! Kind of! Wait, weren’t we just saying that we wanted to propose to each other?” He throws himself out of bed and runs to start rummaging through various coat pockets.

“Oh no, you’re not going to propose to me before I can propose to you!” 

Everything is as it should be once more.

FACTS ABOUT CONNOR MURPHY (spoilers)

So I have decided to post all the facts and hints about Connor Murphy’s past that are shown in the musical. It’s hard to make out considering people in the fandom usually focus on the lies Evan tells to figure out Connor’s personality.

To get this conclusion (which I will post in a second) I literally skipped all scenes concerning Evan’s lies and went directly to the Murphy family and what they say. None of these facts/hints involve what Evan said about Connor.

First of all, I’ll say now that I have put my own interpretation on each of these facts.

And so, I will put all FACTS in BOLD.
Anything out of bold is my own interpretation and how I see it to be. It’s up to you to agree with me or disagree.

First, I will post my conclusions on each family member, and then afterwards, I will post the reasons for each one.

Zoe

Zoe was an emotional and verbal abuse victim. There is no evidence of physical abuse, although there were threats that could have potentially led to that. She has all the right to not grieve over Connor, in all honesty, she could have sent him to the police for what he did, but as an abuse victim, that is very hard to do. Connor was probably the cause of most of her insecurities and she hated him for that. The unhealthy habit of taking out his anger on the nearest person to him probably made him lash out at his sister whenever he had a panic attack. Judging by how he really did care enough to keep the creepy letter about his sister, written by Evan, in his pocket for 3 days before he committed suicide, it’s safe to say that he really regretted being mean to his sister and actually cared about her.

Connor’s mom, Cynthia

Connor’s mom was a woman obsessed with reputation. She’s known as the rich man’s wife, and wants more than anything to be a regular family. But because her son had mental illnesses, her perfect image was ruined. She acted as though she was there for him but when it came down to it, she did nothing. She pushed for therapy but after a while, her husband took him out of it because “it wasn’t worth the money,” and she basically went, “welp, I tried.” I will quote what I say later: Connor’s mom might not actually be sad that her son is gone, but rather, she’s ashamed that her family actually doesn’t care. It seems like Connor’s mom is filled with regret for not being there for her son, and she’s forcing her family to act like they regretted it too, because that’s what a real family should have been like. But this is only a personal theory.

Connor’s dad, Larry

Connor’s dad might be one of the main sources of his depression. It is very obvious to me that Connor’s dad believed him to be a disappointment. He didn’t grieve for his dead son and only played along to make his wife happy. He’s annoyed by the whole situation. It even seemed like he hated the fact that there was fake remnants of his son in Evan. Almost like he wished Connor wasn’t friends with Evan so he could just forget all about him and not need to deal with it. At some point he was a kind father. When they went to the orchard together for picnics, it seems like they were a happy family. Connor’s dad had played with their toy plane together and had some great memories. The whole family practically forgot about this, though. Connor’s dad didn’t cry at his own dead son’s funeral. I think that sums it up.

Connor Murphy

Connor was a complicated person. He had many different mental illnesses. I could research which ones he probably had, but there’s probably already a post somewhere on it already. One thing for sure, is that he was unstable. He might not have been like that his whole life, but at the time of knowing him, the time he was briefly alive in the show, he was incredibly unstable. Everything and anything could set him off, and he probably hated that about himself as well. Pushing away everyone near him that could possibly help and hating himself for doing so, spiraling himself into a closed minded world of self-hate and regret, which is something that many people can relate to, including me. He did a lot of horrible things to his sister and to his family. I don’t blame his family for not actually grieving him, he was a really bad person. The problem is, he could have been a good person as well. He had all the potential to get better. He talked to Evan, probably wishing to say sorry about pushing him earlier in the hall. He was trying, he wanted to try. He wanted to get better. He just gave up too soon.

This post is very long! I’m sorry. If you’d like to read more, I’m putting the reasons I’ve come to these conclusions under the cut.

Remember, ALL FACTS ARE IN BOLD. Anything else is my personal interpretation.

Keep reading

Olivia Puckett as Zoe Murphy

Here, I’m gonna analyze and describe Olivia Puckett’s performance as Zoe Murphy, and the ways in which it differed from Laura Dreyfuss’s. Enjoy!

First of all, Olivia Puckett is a blessing to us all. I love her so much (have you seen her Instagram stories?!) you all have no idea. She was so sweet, so good.

I’ll start from the beginning. Instantly, right as she entered during “Anybody Have a Map” her differences with Laura Dreyfuss were evident. She slouched in her chair, her foot giggling under the table. Also, with Connor, her dialogue was lighter, in a way. She delivered the “He’s definitely high” line almost jokingly, like she was just this younger sister poking fun at her brother. It wasn’t disapproving and harsh the way Laura’s delivery felt.

Even while they were exchanging “Fuck you’s!” they seemed more like siblings messing around than two extremely damaged teenagers taking out their anger on each other. It honestly felt like a normal sibling relationship. She wasn’t even yelling, and neither was Mike Faist. It wasn’t mean or anything. It was. Good.

Even when she marched off the stage, proclaiming that she’d leave without Connor if he doesn’t spead up, I felt as though she wouldn’t leave without him. Like that was yet another joke. No big deal. Like she’d wait in the driveway for him to come, and maybe give him a bit of a hard time about it all later, but that they’d laugh about it next week or something.

Then, she met Evan. She rushed over to him in the middle of WTAW, and he instantly recoiled, his shoulders turning inwards, his eyes on the ground, his hands twitching. She seemed genuinely concerned. Her voice was low, and she seemed to purposefully stay away from him, almost fearful of scaring him, while simultaneously wanting to be closer.

When she called Connor “a psychopath,” it sounded like she was angry with Connor for pushing Evan, who obviously didn’t deserve anything, but wasn’t disgusted or hateful. She didn’t sound like she hated Connor. Or even really disliked him. Just has a stereotypical teenage sibling relationship that’s a bit edgy.

When she walked away– “Okay…Jose…” –she turned around and looked back at Evan before leaving, almost fondly. It almost gave me the impression that this crush was requited, and perhaps had been for some time. That Evan’s love for Zoe wasn’t one-sided, that Zoe didn’t grow into liking Evan throughout the musical, but actually, in fact, liked him before it even began.

She entered, again, before “For Forever” and I could see a physical change that occurred in her during the 10 minutes or so she was off-stage. I could almost see her lose Connor, in that entrance. As she noticed Evan’s presence, she didn’t ask “Why is he here” like “Why is this weird kid in our house” but more like “Why is Evan, who I talked to in the hallway a few days ago, here?

Throughout the dinner before “For Forever,” she did this leg jiggle again. Which was. So fascinating. She had these particular ticks, ones which almost mirrored Evan’s. They seemed like two pieces of the same pie, in their own peculiar way. Simply, if Olivia Puckett announces one day that Zoe Murphy has a minor anxiety disorder, I would believe her in a heartbeat.

When she retorted about good times with Connor, saying that “There were no good times!” she didn’t sound like a possibly abused sibling. She sounded almost angry with herself, as though she was wondering why she didn’t notice something was wrong with Connor, as though she wished she’d tried harder. She didn’t sound like someone who was wronged and was furious, she sounded like someone who was remembering her entire childhood and trying to pinpoint where everything went wrong.

Laura’s Zoe seemed like a young person who suddenly lost control over seemingly everything in her life, someone who was almost drowning. Olivia’s Zoe seemed like a young person who had just temporarily misplaced control, someone who was floating just above the water’s surface.

During “Requiem,” Olivia cried, actually cried, which is something Laura definitely did not do. 

The whole “You were not the monster that I knew” thing was much less believable. But the “You’ve given me my brother back. Thank you.” thing at the end of “You Will Be Found” was so. much. more. believable.

I really felt for Olivia’s Zoe. “Requiem” was when I started crying fully during this performance, rather than during “You Will Be Found” (which normally what gets me). I felt her loss so deeply and profoundly, like she was taking the whole audience on this journey with her.

She truly seemed to mourn Connor, to have loved her brother. She seemed so devastated during “If I Could Tell Her” that she never got to tell Connor what she thought. 

It was just a different kind of loss.

As well, her relationship with Evan was so vastly different. She seemed to be more interested in him specifically and less interested in his connection with her brother. At the end of “You Will Be Found” when she kissed Evan the second time, she kept a hand on his when he pulled away. When he kissed her back, she wrapped her arms around him and like hug-kissed him. In the boot, with Laura Dreyfuss, Evan leaned Zoe into her back on the bed. 

The opposite happened here, with Zoe really taking control of their kissing, pushing Evan into the bed.

Also, during “Only Us” she put a hand on either side of Evan’s face and held him so softly when she sang “We can’t compete with all that” rather than motioning with one hand (see: Laura and Ben’s performance of “Only Us” on Seth Meyers). There was a part where she sat on Evan’s bed and Evan kneeled before her, and she held both of his hands between hers.

They held hands whenever they were together after that, honestly. During “Only Us,” Zoe normally kisses Evan once, at the very end of the song. Here, Olivia kissed Ben three (3) times. Twice while singing and once at the end of the song.

I cannot over-exaggerate the softness in her eyes when she looked at him. In all honestly, y’all, I felt myself really loving their relationship, which isn’t something I did beforehand. 

With Laura’s Zoe, I never would recommend Zoe and Evan being together for their own health. With Olivia’s Zoe, if they had met under different circumstances, if Evan hadn’t lied, I firmly believe that they could’ve had a healthy and happy relationship.

And the kegger skit!!! OMG!! She did the same dorky voice that Evan did with “til your mom gets home” when she said “in three hours!!” and they laughed. They laughed a lot.

It was so interesting to see almost Ben’s reactions as an actor to what Olivia was giving him. This was only the second time they’d ever done the show together in those characters, and it must’ve been so unusual to what he had been doing for the past hundred or so performances.

Zoe was so sweet? And? So strong? And never once mean to Evan? With Olivia, the whole “you don’t have to keep saying sorry….I was a little impressed, you ruined it” thing wasn’t as weird? It didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt like: Zoe liked soft Evan, who apologizes all the time, she just wanted him to be comfortable enough around her to not feel like he had to apologize, rather than wanting him to change.

She felt like a young girl, who had suffered an immense loss, who was coping as best as she possibly could. She wasn’t some semi-popular girl who Evan liked purely because he thought she was hot (neither, of course, is Laura’s Zoe, or any form of Zoe, in fact). She was a multi-dimensional person who existed in her own right outside of anyone else. There was no room to see her as anyone else.

When she found out about Evan’s lie, it was almost more devastating. 

I would have believed her if she had said she loved Evan. 

Laura’s Zoe was angry and possibly depressed. She was desperate to grab a hold onto anything in her life, her life which was quickly spiraling out of control before her eyes. There, Evan seemed like the perfect person to grab onto, someone that was malleable and almost willing to be controlled.

Olivia’s Zoe felt in-control, like she knew what she was doing and knew where she would be in ten years, she just wasn’t there quite yet.

She obviously loved Connor and was mourning his death, but there didn’t seem to be as much guilt involved.

In her final scene, where she met Evan at the orchard, she, like Evan, seemed to have also gone through a metamorphosis. She seemed to have grown so much, and she held her head higher, too, just like Evan. To me, Zoe is a lead character, sharing the female lead title with Heidi Hansen, rather than a supporting character.

I love Laura Dreyfuss with my entire heart and soul, and her Zoe was a very particular character as well. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact differences between her Zoe and Olivia’s Zoe, because they are both truly incredible. Both woman are powerhouses of whom I will forever be in awe. Both portrayals make Zoe a fascinating, dynamic, complex, female character, one that is much, much more than a love interest or plot point. She, in some aspects, feels like the beating heart of the show. It’s hard to put my connection with her into words.

Again, like I said with Michael Lee Brown’s Jared vs. Will Roland’s Jared, neither performance was better. Both are heart-wrenching and powerful and conveyed a message to the audience, reached out and grabbed our hearts in their hands. Both are incredible. Just very, very different.

Essentially, Olivia Puckett’s performance was incredible. Unbelievable actually. Any desire to not want to see the understudies is pointless and wrong, let me tell you. This entire cast and entire crew are the most talented people I’ve ever seen.

Time Out.

Hi. Jakei here. The real one.

I’m gonna delete the latest posts because this silly game is over. I learned something about this…”kind” of excersise. It was funny, but very serious as well..

Let’s get straight to the point.

In three days Underverse will have one year since I created the first animation, the pilot showing my favorite Sanses from de AUs. 

When I had the chance I tried to said all time this project started as a mistake, like a lucky moment to show people my love for art and videogames. But I learned to stop calling this story like that. Is just something that came up to my mind and made me feel more confident to do something I love with the chance to earn money with this to accomplish my goal to have my own house where I can live in peace with my only family that is my mother.

That’s my main goal. So, don’t think the rushers and haters are making me feel bad and forcing me to quit. I had to deal with real rude and evil people before, getting paid for being humillated from Mondays to Saturdays and coming back home crying because of a real stressing and miserable situation. I don’t think this is the same case here. I’m not receiving money from them. I keep with this because is a way when I can reach my goal giving love to my current job as a independent artist.

The latest posts were just for joking but I realized that some people was taking it too seriously. I’m very, very sorry for worrying you, but also I want to thank you for supporting me. Please don’t hate people who was involved into that shitpost, and don’t hate people who are really trying to hurt me. I don’t want you get hurt or having a bad time trying to defend me. 

Unlike other cases similar to this one. I learned to stop worrying about this. I prefer ignore this or even taking this with humor like I did this week for distract myself in some way due the delay of Underverse 0.3 has been a bit stressful to me because I’ll continue animating until the video is released. Stereohead Studios has also many important things to do so blaming someone is just useless and unfair.

Something that I’ve learned from other big artists that I admire with all my soul like Crayon Queen and Myebi/ Comyet… is that we have enough living hard situations in this world, in our personal lives, and the less thing we can do as recognized artists in this fandom is trying to make our blogs a nice place and spread positive feelings despite hatred and the amount of terrible asks people make to them, because we’re motivating people and teaching kindness and respect to each other.  Not for nothing exists options on this platforms to avoid those bad comments. Is a waste of time crying and messing up your entire day because two or three guys said something that could hurt you. 

Is not that hard when you’re used to it.

Those guys don’t even know you and You don’t know them. So… man… why even waste your thoughts and feelings when you can keep working on your own stuff and improving your skills? Making a space for you and your fans to laugh, to smile, to show you how far have you came because of their support.

You’re doing something you love and that matter. Probably others not, probably they won’t have to deal with this style of life. And I’m sure many of us started to be recognized thanks to this fandom. Everyone started with a little level or we was too shy to show our stuff. 

Drawing well, animating well, telling amazing stories won’t decide your happiness if you’re not happy, if you don’t try to trust happiness and show them that you’re really fighting for that.

If you feel your blogs or another places with things like “uuh I don’t like this thing i made” “I suck” “this person told me that and i’m so upset i hate them” “that person made something terrible go and hurt them because them deserve it” “i love what i do but my life is hell” “i’m tired of x and y because they want z” … things can’t change in your life if you don’t start by yourself.

I thought many times about cancel Underverse and leave this fandom, not only because of haters and stuff. It was because I was judged by many of other big artists that doesn’t like this kind of fandoms and are working in their own projects. I thought it was unfair because I was getting recognition because something that I didn’t create. I just created a fan story. 

I’m pretty sure when I post the next animation the chaos will be back again but I don’t even care. I don’t have 100k yet so I don’t have a multitude telling me what to do and asking me when. Anyway, if I had them, I wouldn’t still care. Because I have clear what to do and how to make it works. I’m not here just for teaching people how to draw or animate. I’m here too for showing them how to be nice and patient and how those two things can bring you to a better way to see the world. 

That we are real, nice people and we’re having fun, putting effort and love when we’re making something for you. Fandom or not fandom content.


Have a nice day.



And XGaster.

To the corner. Right nao.

Poly doesn’t always feel nice.

And that’s ok.

Sometimes… Poly is watching your partner get their needs that match yours met with someone else.

Sometimes poly is having to accept less, instead of all.

Sometimes poly is, I hate this, but you don’t need my permission to do it anyway.

Sometimes poly is burning. Sitting in your room, your house, alone, burning with all the emotions and there is no one to put you out except yourself. And sometimes, you’re not enough of a firefighter.

Sometimes poly is boring.

Sometimes poly is Netflix and chilling, by yourself, your own hand down your pajama pants.

Sometimes poly is rage. Fierce, hot, molten gold down your gullet, choking you, burning you, cooking you to a not-quick enough death.

Sometimes it’s this is not enough, but this is better than nothing.

Sometimes it’s pain, bright, white hot, cutting into the very core of you. Splintering you into a thousand, million pieces.

Sometimes it’s I don’t know how I survive this.

Sometimes poly is… Acceptance of not so great, because there is no other option.

Sometimes poly is a snide laugh, a kick in the gut, a slap in the face.

Sometimes poly is heartbreak.

Sometimes poly is, I will never feel “safe” again.

Sometimes it’s just… Overthinking. Overanalyzing. Overdoing. Over scheduling. Overtalking. Over… Everything.

Sometimes poly is… Can’t I just go back?

But what poly really is?

Poly is I can’t. I can’t go back. Because going back would mean so much sacrifice. So much giving up of people that I cannot fathom how much I love them. So much beautiful, wonderful, awful exploration of self that I would never get again. I can’t say, I don’t want my lovers and friends and amazing people who blur ALL of my lines and boundaries with their amazing selves. I can’t say, for the sake of some general level of “comfort” that I know is false, I will give up everyone. Their intimacy, their vulnerability, their nakedness. What they look like laughing, and coming, and crying. Versions of them I don’t get to see within the confines of monogamy as I knew it. I have sacrificed so very much to be here, uncomfortable, today.

I can’t.

I feel I’m awake now, with all the discomfort that comes with awakening. But I can’t go back to sleep. It’s shitty, sometimes, being awake. The sun is too bright, the sounds too harsh. It’s easy when I’m head down, dreaming. But it’s not real, you know? It’s an illusion, a construct. It works for some, but I’ve taken the red pill. I’ve seen my life for how it is, my thinking for how it is. I can’t unsee it. Maybe one day how I outwardly perform myself will change, but for now, I can’t go back. I am what I am, doing what I’m doing the ways that I do it. Sometimes it hurts. Fuck yeah it hurts. Don’t ever believe anyone who tells you anything remotely differently. And you know what?

It’s ok.

Through this, we grow.

We become something else. We become better, stronger. We know ourselves more. We know more words to use to advocate for ourselves, and that is fucking amazing. Without this pain, without this trial by fire and molten metal, we might not know what we’re capable of. And knowing what we’re capable of is an awesome, incredible thing. That is what makes you, you. That is what inspires you to fucking amazing things. Even if the journey is horrible to get there.

~Jordyn

—  XCBDSM.com/spd