I came out as trans to my mom 2 years ago, yet she still deadnames me every time and uses really gendered language to talk about me. I've asked her multiple times to call me by my preferred name, and she says she's trying, but she's obviously not. she's not actively transphobic, however. any advice?
Tell her that you know she’s trying to get used to your prefered name, so you’re going to help her out in remembering it and every time when she uses the wrong name or pronouns or gendered language, immediately and casually correct her by saying what your prefered name is.
If you feel hurt when she does this, take care of your Mental health and try to minimize the time you spend with her by going on regular walks and joining clubs or sports or any activities out of the house. You can hang out with your friends, and do homework in a public library or bookstore or coffee shop. Make sure you have people you can talk to while being open about your identity, whether it’s in GSA, or with your friends, in a support group, or with a therapist.
What if someone is not supportive after I come out?
- Help, someone wasn’t supportive/won’t call my by my name/pronouns
- How to deal with parents that are not accepting
- Problem solving packet
- Parents who won’t use name/pronouns
- Interpersonal relationships
- Transgender Advice: Dealing with Unsupportive Parents
- Ally Moms
- Send them our ally resources page or our for parents page
- A Letter to Parents Who Don’t Accept Their Gay and Transgender Children
- Rejected by your parents? You are not alone. (Leelah Alcorn suicide mention)
- How to help someone who forgets your pronouns
- Scientific evidence about gender/sexuality stuff
- Reasons why they/them pronouns are okay to use