So, I’m a Mercy main, because why else would I be on this blog being salty? But this story actually starts with me not playing mercy. It starts in arcade mode. Why?
1. I have over 70 hours on mercy
2. I have lost all faith in humanity.
3. I’m tired of babysitting.
I wanted some clusterfuck runs, some chillin with the enemy team runs, the type of general fuckery that used to happen in quickplay before Blizzard took hero stacking away from us. (yes, i really do miss having three hanzos on a team.) i wanted some nice, casual, fun.
instead i got this asshat.
This Asshat, as he will now be referred to, thought we were in comp or something. He kept bitching over voice chat about how we weren’t playing as a team, and we were going to lose, and he was the best player here and kept taking out the torb turrets.
1. no shit, asshat, we have two widowmakers and symmetra keeps portaling herself off cliffs. thats what were here for.
2. I honest to god do not care about losing. im having fun, dammit. :(
3. the enemy team has two or three torbs. as dva, ive taken out about 5 turrets by now. No, you are not, in fact, the mvp for killing one.
This Asshat’s main complaint, naturally, is our lack of a healer. specifically, our lack of a healer whos pocketing him. Yes, he actually said that. I fired back something about how I am here for one reason and one reason only, which happens to be, yknow, not playing Mercy.
Asshat starts raging.
Now Ive gone from being a “useless” teammate to the literal bane of his existence. It’s people like me that manage to singlehandedly throw every lost match in the history of the game and also I’m the leading cause of cancer in the US. There was a lot more swearing and slurs, but you get the idea.
Here’s the kicker.
“ur probably a shit mercy anyway u [r-slur] bitch. u just dont want to heal me bc u know im better than ull ever be [f-slur]”
I fire back some it-seemed-witty-at-the-time comment and end the game with a solid 0-2 loss and a decent card. Ingame, I seem calm, cool, and collected. But I know. I know, and I’m just hoping he doesnt. He won. I’m mad.
The thing about me is that I am unfortunately a very calm person. I say unfortunately, becuase spite works miracles.
I bascially ragequit, if its considered ragequitting after the game is over and hes already out of my life hopefully forever. No more Ms. Nice Mercy. Ive gotta prove myself now.
Load up quickplay. Pick Mercy before anyone else can even look at the options. Absolutely demand tanks until we have three. Run out to defend the hollywood jackass’s limo with a fire in my heart, a team already scared into submission, and anger tears in my eyes.
This is gonna be great.
1. The other team has a Mercy, too. Not for long. She’s watching out for our tanks, not me and my peashooter.
2. Our Rein is doing a great job of shielding everyone. Put it down, bub, y'all’re gonna get shot and I’m gonna fix it.
3. The enemy Widow lands a bodyshot. I make reaper flank her so I can fly up there and peashoot/slap her to death.
It goes on like this.
I’m bossy, demanding, and very, very good at it. Someone on the other team gets POTG for a pretty nice ult, we all compliment each other, I thank my team profusely for going along with my useless revenge plot, life goes on.
And that’s the story of the first time I broke 20k healing :)