you sound like a tool

A Drunk Mind Speaks a Sober Heart

*click through to read on ao3

written by: Meghan | @bellamyfrecklefaceblake

prompt: ‘one where Clarke and Bellamy post a fake engagement picture on social media, and it’s clearly a joke, but every is still super excited and congratulatory’ for anonymous

word count: 2170

They didn’t mean for everyone to think that they got engaged on what looked like a romantic getaway up in the snowy mountains. It was a joke. It was never supposed to be documented. There was vodka involved, and a hot tub. How were people taking it all so seriously?

They didn’t mean for it to happen.

They didn’t mean for everyone to think that they got engaged on what looked like a romantic getaway up in the snowy mountains.

It was a joke. It was never supposed to be documented. There was vodka involved, and a hot tub. How were people taking it all so seriously?

“It’s you and Bellamy,” Raven tells her again, but Clarke just rolls her eyes. She and Bellamy are not a thing. They are friends.

“My mom won’t stop calling me,” she whines and Raven laughs. She’s enjoying this way too much. “There were, like, 75 comments on that Facebook post before it got deleted.”

“People love romance, Clarke,” Jasper says wistfully. Clarke throws a pillow at him. This is all his fault, after all.

“If Bellamy had Facebook, he’d be killing you right now,” she reminds him and his face goes pale. “You’re lucky he’s been sleeping since we got back and hasn’t checked his messages. But just you wait.”

“I’m not the one who got down on one knee with Octavia’s engagement ring and pretended to propose to you!”

“No, but you are the one who took a picture of it and then proceeded to post it on Facebook with no caption, leading people to think that it was a real proposal,” Clarke yells at him and he flinches, making Raven laugh again.

“You broke the one rule of the weekend,” she tells him. “No phones.”

“I don’t know how you all did it for three days!” he says, falling clumsily onto the couch next to Clarke. She kicks him because she can and because she enjoys his yelps of pain.

“It was three days, Jasper. Three days without a phone and social media. We were drinking and hanging out in hot tubs. We played video games and board games and ate too much. We went tubing. We were so busy,” Clarke reminds him. “And on the last night, you caved. You caved and took a picture of an innocent joke and now our whole world thinks that Bellamy and I are engaged.”

Before Jasper can respond, his phone rings on the coffee table and Clarke’s stomach drops. Bellamy is calling him and as soon as it stops ringing, he calls right back.

“You should just answer it,” Raven offers, but Jasper just keeps staring at the screen. “He’ll find you eventually and he’ll be even angrier.”

Clarke knows she’s right. Hell, Jasper probably knows it, too, but he shuts the phone off between calls and tucks it into his pocket before leaving the apartment without another word.

“Bellamy’s going to murder him,” Clarke sighs. She does feel bad for the kid. He was just as drunk as Bellamy and Clarke. He didn’t know the picture would cause this kind of reaction.

“Where is he?” Bellamy bellows as he walks into Clarke and Raven’s apartment without knocking. “I saw his car on the street, so I know he’s here.”

“Who called you?” Raven asks him and he throws her an unimpressed glare.

“Oh, you know, just my ex-girlfriend, my boss, my-“

“He’s gone,” Clarke interrupts him and he turns his attention to her. “He probably saw you from the hallway window and went down the back staircase. Go easy on him, he’s a weakling.”

“How are you so calm about this?” he demands and she shrugs. “Gina said that there are something like two hundred likes on that picture and almost one hundred comments. I didn’t think that many people knew who we were.”

“I’m sorry,” Clarke tells him honestly and his face softens a little. “I practically forced you to come on that trip and then… This happened.”

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throughthegait  asked:

Someone else just asked about vibration collars, what about "E-collars"? There's a lady who runs a training business and she works with the same rescue I foster for and she uses e-collars but I've never heard of them. She claims it feels like those massage/therapy things that people get? It looked like a typical shock collar with a little yellow controller for the human to use. Do you know anything about them?

E-collar is a catch-all term for electric collars, so it’s not a term that tells you anything about what the tool does. However, it sounds like she’s comparing them to a TENS unit - which gives off electric pulses. TENS units in humans are generally not painful except when cranked super high (with my personal experience they’re sort of buzzy and weird) but that’s not an accurate comparison to a shock collar at all so that analogy sounds like talking around the fact that she’s using an aversive technique. That’s shady AF. If a trainer is using a shock collar, they should be honest about the type of training they’re doing, not dress it up in things that make people feel less bad about the tool they’re picking. 

To the Four of Us (Part Twelve)

premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things. 

words: 2,503

warnings: swearing & things get a lil bit spicy ((nothing too graphic but nsfw!!))??? 

a/n: john is rly good at Suppressing His Emotions™ 

all chapters: x

tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @angelica-peggy-eliza @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @geespilots

dedication: lmao i forgot to do this so they probably won’t see but @iamgrayfox and @skittlegeek03 for drawing TTFOU scenes for me oMFGG

soundtrack song: Fall Apart - Every Avenue

full soundtrack: x

as always, let me know what you think! shoot me an ask if you wanna be notified when I update!

Hercules woke up to a sore neck, a hard surface, and an incessant ringing in his ear. It wasn’t one of his nicer mornings. Rubbing the back of his neck, he sat up and realized that at some point during the night Alexander, whom he’d so kindly allowed in his bed, had pushed him onto the floor.

Hercules picked up his phone and checked who was trying to call him. Lafayette. He’d called four times, left three voicemails, and texted seven times. Mid-ring on the fifth call, Hercules smashed the ‘talk’ button with his thumb.

“What do you want, Laf?” he snapped.

“Mon dieu,” his friend’s voice melted sweetly through the speaker. “Aren’t we grumpy this morning.”

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Imagine introducing Steve Rogers and Thor to EDM

(Gif credits to owner)

“Here, try this one,” you yell over Right On Time by Skrillex.

Thor and Steve jump at the loud noises and the deep voice repeatedly saying “right on time”.

“How is this music!?” Thor yells over the music.

“Shush! Listen to the beat drop!” you yell just before the bass drops, causing you to dab.

“What was that?” Steve asks, judging whatever it is you just did.

“I dabbed,” you reply.

“You what?” Thor asked.

Steve turns down the music.

“So, do you like it?” you ask them.

“There weren’t even any instruments,” Thor laughs.

“It just sounded like power tools and yelling,” Steve adds.

“You two really are old men,” you pout.

“Well, that doesn’t mean we don’t like it,” Thor says, not wanting to upset you.

“Yeah, exactly,” Steve agrees.

“So, you like it?” you ask hopefully.

“I don’t know if we’d go that far yet…” Steve chuckles awkwardly.


Originally posted by thugshawn

Shawn Mendes x Reader

Word count: 2,071

A/N: Another request from a lovely anon wanting Shawn to lose his virginity to someone older and he’s really shy about it and all but she helps him ease into it. Also, sorry this is so long but I was on a roll and I promise it’s worth it!!


The music is ringing in my ears and pounding in my chest, the flashing lights making my pupils constrict and dilate irregularly. I’m not even sure how long my friends and I have been at this club for but I don’t think I’ve ever seen them have this much fun. I’ve taken my place at a bar stool, no longer wanting to dance and grind against boys who like to call themselves men. As the bartender slides over my drink, I feel a presence beside me. I take a sip of my drink, thirst overpowering me, before glancing over my shoulder to peer at the newly seated person beside me. My breath is hitched as I see this boy who doesn’t look old enough to be in the club, yet his eyes are piercing into my soul. I’m stuck in his gaze as I try to pull my eyes away to view the rest of him. As my eyes make their way down to his muscular arms, he speaks. “Hey, I’m Shawn.” I quickly flick my eyes up to meet his, not wanting him to know that I was analysing his muscular body. I clear my throat. “Y/N. Nice to meet you.” He smiles, only making me melt a little bit more. “Are you alone?” He asks, probably not realising he sounds like every other tool in this club. “No, here with friends actually.” I say, making sure he doesn’t try to take me down while I’m weak. “Same,” he says, a chirp in his voice, “my friends have been dancing for too long and this is my first time at a club so I’m done for.” Suddenly the label of ‘every other tool in this club’ is removed from beside his name. He seems to know I have a whole running plot going on in my head as he smiles sweetly at me. “I don’t dance much either…” I continue the conversation, finally getting myself together.

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anonymous asked:

Not to worry - hungover or otherwise,there are many tricks for achieving that euphoric, heart-racing, breathless moment. Plus, let's not forget, I'm fully prepared to tickle your feet for the next 12 straight hours with every ticklishly torturous tool imaginable. Perhaps making it worse for you, I quite like making you discuss how tickly it is as fingers rake down the middle of each trapped foot...

Twelve hours straight, eh? And with all of the tools? Sounds like you’ve got some stamina, anon, and you are prepared.

So you’d want to hear me say it, hmm? How much it tickles? I’m pretty stubborn. I think you’d have to get me laughing first.

What happens if you can’t make me laugh after twelve hours? What happens if you can?

anonymous asked:

I wanna jump on board! I am very stoic, but not apathetic. I get straight As and I have taken all honors classes my entire life. My IQ is in the 169-170 region. I am very into art and music, however I have dreams to become a neurological surgeon. I have a pretty good sense of humor and a large chunk of friends. I'm also very good at reading people. I'll also add that i have very low self-confidence. Good luck.

Well, any type could be that smart, but your ambition and well planned future make me think of you as an ENTJ. The way you describe your ‘reading people’ ability sounds more like a tool of a secondary Ni, which uses its intuitive knowledge in order to achieve what its user wants, rather than Fe, so yeah, I’ll stick to ENTJ. 

Adam Lanza on Heavy Metal

On a video for the song “Angel of Death” by Slayer, the user fuckcomments believed to be Adam Lanza makes graphic threats of violence against other listeners.
Users present in this argument are :

fuckcomments 4 years ago: “arguing metal is so fucking gay. bet you wear wrist bands with spikes and think you are tough? haha, real men that listen to metal don’t dress like that faggot ass shit, we take this music along when we are firing our weapons, sharpening our knives, stabbing people we hate, crushing their skulls from behind with tire-irons, you fags are dancing around in nailpolish nudging eachother, so pathetic, a scene like that makes me want to toss some molotovs at you flamers and open up with my Ar-15.”
- the significance in this comment reveal that the user basically confirmed he doesn’t dress in what the clothing stereotypical heavy metal fan are presumed to wear. Which basically applies to Adam because he mainly dressed in plaid and khakis of which we already know. Also the user claims of owning an AR-15, a rifle that was confirmed my Connecticut state police to have been used in the killing of 26 individuals at Sandy Hook. Also there was a clear plastic ra line for an AR-15 found in the Lanza home.

YouTubeUser72 4 years ago in reply to fuckcomments: your the one who sounds like a tool. all that pseudo-metal attitude you twat, i bet you wouldnt have the guts to stab someone and look them in the eyes as they lives slip away.

fuckcomments 4 years ago in reply to YouTubeUser72: “ I tried, I couldnt get the door unlocked, and any noise that late at night would prompt a police response, I had to give in that night and wait for the next time.”

YouTubeUser73 4 years ago in reply to fuckcomments: your name dosent fit with you manly man”

fuckcomments 4 years ago in reply to ganGaZION: “obviously you are way too fucking stupid to understand it’s true meaning. That’s ok, here’s a lit pipe bomb. ”

On two separate videos the user fuckcomments makes graphic threats of shootings.

On a video entitled “Serial Messiah by Cryptopsy” the user replies to another user who makes an error in the song lyrics:

fuckcomments 5 years ago in reply to YoutubeUser73: “it’s i kick ass for the lord you FAGGOT. FUCK OFF BEFORE WE SHOOT YOU IN THE MOTHER FUCKING FOREHEAD. This is no place for faggots go back to your new age fagmetal BITCH I mean or the gun can do the rest of the talking. sounds like a good night out to me.BANG”

The user makes the same graphic threats of shooting on another video entitled “Pathological Frolic”:

fuckcomments 5 years ago in reply to YoutubeUser73: “you must be a new age faggot then so shut your hole before we fire our guns into your temple watching your brains stain the concrete now that would be fucking brutal. :)”

-as you can probably already tell the user fuckcomments makes these threats to the same user (YoutubeUser73).

danstellations  asked:

The whole tattoo shop things sounds terrible!! I think you should quit, it looks like its taking a tool on you. Maybe try working for another tattoo shop when you're older and not studying anymore if you like the concept of it. Also what do you mean it's illegal to work there?

I think i should, i still will wait a month tho.
I mean, part of me doesn’t want to quit bc the actual job is so cool?? Ugh, what should i do..
Oh, and yeah, i mean, i’m sure there is a name for it but i don’t know it, on spanish it is called ‘working in black’, which is when you work as babysitting or things like that maybe? You don’t have a bank account and such, you get paid in hand and no one knows about it, and they can pay you less than the minimum, do i explain myself? It is not like you go to jail or something lmao it is just a name

Green Day Lyrics for the Signs
  • Aries: "Your faith walks on broken glass" (21 Guns)
  • Taurus: "Standing still when it's do or die" (Letterbomb)
  • Gemini: "It's something unpredictable but in the end is right" (Good Riddance)
  • Cancer: "Do you have the time to listen to me whine?" (Basket Case)
  • Leo: "I am one of those melodramatic fools" (Basket Case)
  • Virgo: "The world is a sick machine" (Panic Song)
  • Libra: "She's holding on my heart like a hand grenade" (She's a Rebel)
  • Scorpio: "Kiss the demons out of my dreams" (Give me Novocaine)
  • Sagittarius: "Can you hear the sound of hysteria?" (American Idiot)
  • Capricorn: "Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?" (She)
  • Aquarius: "Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me" (Basket Case)
  • Pisces: "I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies" (Holiday)
Five lessons playing video games taught me about writing

The following is a guest post by DUSTIN HANSEN, author of Game On! Video Game History from Pong and Pac-Man to Mario, Minecraft, and More.

Ready for the two most obvious comments ever stated on

  1. I’m a gamer 
  2. I’m a writer 

I mean, duh. Right? But what you might not realize is how closely related these two pastimes are. And my guess is that I’m not the only on in this gamer/writer camp. In fact, I’ll bet there is a pretty darned high coloration between writers and gamers, but that’s a topic for another blog.

Gamer/writers, can I get a WHUT-WUT?! 

But now that my book, Game On! Video Game History from Pong and Pac-Man to Mario, Minecraft, and More is almost ready to launch, I can’t help reflect over the last 14 years of my writing “career” (yeah, I’m a little slower than the average bear). It’s been a fun trip down old memory road, and while I was digging through my long battle with words, I realized that I’ve learned quite a few lessons on writing while not writing. In fact, some of the lessons that have helped me persevere this bazillion word path to publication came from, you guessed it, playing video games. So, I pulled together a small list of learnings, as well as the games that sparked the idea. 


Insert Coin. 


#5 - You can’t go it alone, or you’ll be zombie chow. There is no possible way that a writer can become their best self without the help of others. One of my all-time favorite games, is the cooperative zombie shooter, Left4Dead 2. This game pits 4 human players up against an army of slobbering brain junkies, and only asks one thing of the human team. STAY TOGETHER! If you can do that, the game isn’t all that hard, but the minute some yahoo with a chainsaw tries to be a hero the whole thing falls apart. 

Having a balanced and highly communicative team leads to success, in games – AND in writing. Critique partners, BETA readers, family members, Twitter groups, agents, editors, marketing and publicity partners, book designers….the list is listy and long, but yeah – I couldn’t do all that by myself, even with a chainsaw.

#4 - Hours of frustration can lead to glorious moments of joy. In 2009 a game snuck on to the scene that quickly became one of my favorites. Henry Hatsworth In The Puzzling Adventure, was almost like Tetris and Mario had a perfect game baby. I mean, who doesn’t want to play that? I was pretty proud of myself after beating the game in a day or two. Then I met one of the developers, a good friend of mine, Loel Phelps, who told me he beat the game without ever visiting the games in-game store. For those of you who didn’t play HH, let me just say this sounded like crazy talk. The store is where you buy the necessary armor, tools and gadgets you need to beat the game. It took me over 100 attempts to beat the game a second time. Don’t even ask how many hours that is. You don’t want to know. 

When I finally did beat the game with Loel’s new rules, I can’t tell you how much literal joy I felt. Well, I can tell you because it is the same joy I felt when I landed a fantastic agent (waves at Gemma Cooper), or when I finally singed my name on a publishing contract and met my fabulous editor (digital high-5 to my editor, Holly West). Sometimes it felt impossible, heck, sometimes writing STILL feels impossible, but nothing beats feeling like you’ve leveled up enough to enjoy a little bit of a win. 

#3 Things get harder as you progress. There are hundreds of games that prove this concept, but there is one game that really brought this home to me in a big way. Monster Hunter’s Ultimate. MHU is a FANTSTIC Nintendo 3DS game that pits knights and warriors in ridiculous armor and massive weapons against everything from ostrich sized beasties to giant dragons that would snack on a blue whale between meals. This game is a progression game; at first you just don’t have the experience or gear you need to battle something huge and fire-burping, but after you are battle tested, you learn the necessary skills to pound your way to the big monsters. 

But, the takeaway for me here was the Great Jaggi, a dinosaur like creature that is FAST, frilled, and ferocious. When I first encountered the Great Jaggi I almost walked away from the game. It just seemed beyond my skill set. I avoided going after this nasty critter for a while, working my way through the game by dueling other monsters, until one day I couldn’t put it off any longer. I had to beat the Great Jaggi to progress. I picked a fight, and do you know what? I clobbered it! It wasn’t even close. In those hours of practice, okay – weeks, I’d learned what I needed to do to make this impossible task seem simple. The writing parallels here are easy to find, but let me just say, being November and all, that NaNoWriMo was my Great Jaggi for years. The thought of a consistent 1500 words per day seemed beyond me. Now, I’m pretty sure I average a NaNo a month. It isn’t that the task is any harder, it’s just that when it comes to fast drafting, I’ve leveled up. Ya know?

#2 If nothing is trying to beat you down, you’re going the wrong way. I guess the first time I really noticed this was in the classic hit, Half Life 2. Let me sidebar a little here and say that every storyteller should give this game a go. It’s an AMAZING piece of fiction, and will change the way you think of narrative, but…that’s for another blog! Okay – obstacles. Right. Half Life 2 is an open world game, which means you can go just about anywhere you fancy. You can get lost for hours going down empty hallways, explore trashed corridors, take a digital nap in an abandoned office space if you’re up for it. But if you do that, you’ll never progress. The way the game inform you that you’re going in the right direction is by bread-crumping (yeah, it’s a verb) baddies in your path. If you look up and see a nice friendly fluorescent light above your head, you’re going nowhere. If you look up and there is a slimy alien with a mouth full of sharpies and a suction cup tongue that wants to remove your spinal column, you’re doing it right. 

And sheesh, if this isn’t writing in a toothy nutshell, I don’t know what is. Harsh, yet important critiques. Throwing away a decades’ worth of manuscripts. Thousands of dollars spent on conferences only to realize you are not even as clever as your MOM thinks you are. That 16-year-old genius that just got a 6-book deal that would clear the national debt. Yeah, those are obstacles, but facing them head on and learning how to manage them is the part of writing my creative writing teachers forgot to mention. 

And lastly – the big one. Numero Uno! 

#1 You have more than one life. There isn’t a game out there that doesn’t help with this lesson in one way or another, but Dark Souls kind of sticks in your face repeatedly. Upon entering a new area in the digital world of Dark Souls, you are reminded of the thousands of other REAL players that have gone before and lost. Ghostly reminders of their demise are left behind as a reminder of what went wrong. If you die, you leave a trail behind as well. But, you carry on. You start again, armed with the most important tool of all, experience. You can choose to try the exact same approach again, or change tactics and look at the conflict with a new perspective. 

The first failed novel I wrote was in 2002. It was the worst creative endeavor ever assembled. A crack in the hot floor of hell was created when I wrote ‘the end’ and started asking editors to read it without knowing anything about revisions, agents, crit partners, and the like. It took me another 8 attempts before I found an agent. And yet, I still thought I knew how to get published. Then out of the blue, I shifted my perspective and chased after a NON-FICTION BOOK! At first this seemed crazy pants to me, but I soon fell in love with writing Non-Fiction, and now lookee-here, coach. I’ve got a book with real pages and a cover and everything! In every way, Game On! is my second life. Not just the change to try non-fiction, there’s a whole deep dive into self-discovery, creative allowance, and personal awareness in there as well, but as I’ve said before, that’s a topic for another blog.

Learn more about Game On! Video Game History from Pong and Pac-Man to Mario, Minecraft, and More and Dustin Hansen on!

anonymous asked:

How would Harry ask to make love to you? Sorry for sounding cheesy.

I dunno if it would be asking more than just letting you know he needed you.  Lots of kissing and squeezing your hips and ass, places that are kind of safe but still intimate.

He’s licking his lips a lot, breathing pretty hard because the kissing has gotten intense and he’s having trouble keeping himself under control.  It’s not that he doesn’t have self control…he just really wants to show you how much he loves you and he can’t think of any better way than making you feel excruciatingly good.  

So he’s softly letting out little grunts of frustration until you pull away and you’re like “What is it?”  And he doesn’t want to say anything because he doesn’t want to sound like a tool.  But you push him until his eyes meet yours and he swallows hard and says “Kinda need ya, Angel.”

What should have happened in the evillustrator episode
  • Adrien: So Chat noir is pretty cool, wouldn't you agree?
  • Marinette: I guess he is alright. He is very reliable But he is kind of a dork, always making puns and flirting. Not to mention, when he brags he sounds kind of like a tool. Personally I think you are cooler. :) Adrien?
  • Adrien: (Heart hurting from the comments) I am going to lay down for a bit. (Walks around the corner and collapses.
you shouldn't be wild inside if you're a beast in the headlight

taekwoon/hakyeon, pg13, 2k

Hakyeon really can’t recognize him from anywhere.

a/n: 2k of taek beating people up that somehow turned into a college au

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Brett Imagine Part 4

This is part 4 to a Brett Talbot/(y/n) imagine. I hope it makes sense I was half asleep/awake writing this. I’m sorry it took a while to get posted! I’m also currently working on “Can you keep up” part 3.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

You pop your head up almost throwing it back and your text book drops to the floor with a loud smack. You lock eyes with Brett and a blush creeps across your cheeks.

“So tell the class something about you,” The teacher continues to introduce Brett. “What are your hobbies? What do you do when you’re not working on homework?”

“I’m Brett just transferred from a prep school to this public school,” He smiles at the class making eye contact with all the girls. The girls near the front of the class all sit up straight and do a range of movements such as run their hands through their hair and applying their chap stick. “I like to play lacrosse and actually just played your own team the other day. I’d like to go out for the team if they let me. And other than making sure my sister is doing alright I just like to hang out with my friends.”

“Sure,” You mumble a little too loudly laying your head on you desk. “Lacrosse. Friends. Boring.”

“Miss (your last name),” The teacher calls out. “Is there a problem?”

“No.” You shake your head and place your head back onto your dead.

“Well if there isn’t a problem I guess you’d like to help Mister Talbot catch up with what we’ve gone over. Let him look at your notes, share a book at the moment until I am able to get him one.”

“About that..” You start and wave your hand lazily. “I’m bit busy.”

“With what Miss (your last name)?” The teacher asks.

“Personal life issues?” You ask weakly. “A group project in bio. Cross country practice.”

All the girls turn their head and glare at you.

“If she’s not up to it I’m willing.” The girl in the front row volunteers. 

“No Miss (Your last name) will be helping Mister Talbot out for the week.”

“The week?” You ask out loud. “Liam is going to love this.”

“If it’s going to be a punishment than I’d rather her help me.” Brett points at the eager girl in the front. She smiles widely at you. “If that’s okay.”

“Yeah that sounds like a good idea.” You nod agreeing.

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Someone should get to work on a tumblr app where it detects if a stranger responding to one of your posts sounds like a tool and preemptively ignores them for you.

anonymous asked:

Me: "Hi, good morning, how may I assist you today?" Customer: "I want to speak to a real person", Me: "excuse me?" Customer: "I want to speak to a representative, a real person", Me: "... I am a real person, how may i assist you?" Customer: "Oh really? You sound like a tool" Me: (hung up) - I hate people.