you should really look her up more. she's pretty bad arse

I’ll Be Good


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Characters: Finn Balor x OFC

Content Warnings: NSFW, Sexual Content, Daddy Kink, Light Spanking.

Summary: OFC posted a photo of herself on Instagram in a cute swimsuit. Jealous Daddy!Finn comes back to teach her a lesson.

This was supposed to be a short one based off a reader prompt but I got a bit carried away! If you want to throw an idea towards me then feel free to ASK and I’ll see if it interests me. 

Tags: @actualamyautopsy  @oraclegazes @livingthestrongstyle  @phenominalstyles @devittslegos

If you want to be added to the tags let me know!

”I’ve thought of ya all day, little one,“ Finn mumbled into her ear, kissing her fingers. “You got me so hard thinking about you waiting here for me.” Hands running down her waist pulling her in closely for a sweet kiss. “Daddy’s missed you.”

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anonymous asked:

so... any more like that king james post?

Son, it’s time you learnt about… King Edward II of England.

Boring disclaimer: there is no explicit evidence of the true nature of Edward’s relationship with Piers Gaveston or Hugh Despenser. There are no love letters or saucy satirical poetry, a la King James I. There are no sex tapes. All we have is conjecture and circumstantial evidence (and some sources, but not many). It should also be noted that we can’t say with any certainty that Edward II was what we (although not him, as the terms and frameworks are modern) would term ‘homosexual’, ‘bisexual’ or ‘heterosexual’. Relationships between men were often incredibly close, bordering on romantic, with no clear definition between platonic and romantic. It was only really unusual when there was a sexual component involved, and the lack of evidence of this component means that it would be impossible to ascribe a definitive homosexual identity to the two men. However, the lack of evidence does not necessarily mean a lack of veracity, and it’s not impossible that the two were sexually involved. It’s just important to remember that modern labels don’t always fit past figures, because history and all.

Our merry historical jaunt begins with the saucy tale of

Piers Gaveston: in which the dangers of ignoring your barons and giving all your land, treasure and undivided attention to one man becomes apparent

  • So, this begins with King Edward I, who was the king of England from 1272-1307. He was also nicknamed ‘Longshanks’ because of his long legs, which is completely irrelevant, but interesting. In 1300, a saucy 16 year old (or thereabouts) named Piers Gaveston joined the household of Edward I, at the behest of Edward I, who thought he was a pretty decent chap and definitely not about to lead his son astray or anything like that. Fairly soon after that, Edward I became the human embodiment of that ‘I have made a terrible mistake’ gif that everyone used to post back in 2013, because Prince Edward and Gaveston became absolutely inseparable. Prince Edward kept demanding more and more titles for Gaveston and his family, giving him fancy gifts of treasure and land and probably those really expensive watches, and at one point the king became concerned that Gaveston might actually be a bit of a problem when it came to his son producing heirs, and Gaveston was banished from court and exiled, albeit with an allowance. 
  • Edward I died in 1307. His dying wish was that Gaveston should never be allowed back into the country, to which Prince Edward said ‘yes, dad, I will absolutely adhere to your last wish, because I am your respectful son and heir. Oh, you’re dead? I’m Edward II now? Cool! Time to fetch Gaveston and give him loads of land! What a guy.’
  • Edward II was crowned in 1308, and subsequently married Isabella of France, who was two things: an absolute badass, and also a 12 year old girl. That was fine in those days, so everyone just went along with it and assumed that Edward and Isabella would be happy together forever. They were not entirely correct.
  • Within a month of Edward I’s death, Edward II had made Gaveston the Earl of Cornwall, and was a bit naughty about it. By some accounts, Gaveston hadn’t known that this was his plan, and Edward claimed that he had asked his barons for advice, but that was a load of old wank, because the barons hated Gaveston and would probably rather construct a wall made of actual corn and slap a title on that. In 1308, in a pattern which should not have surprised anyone at this point, Edward’s courtiers began to worry about the extent of Gaveston’s influence on the king, with some describing him as being ‘like a second king’. By some accounts, the two were never apart, even sharing a bed on some occasions, and many noblemen began to worry that Gaveston was influencing royal policy, which, now that I think about it, might have been a euphemism. They forced Edward to exile Gaveston again in 1308 upon threat of excommunication, which he did, but Gaveston was allowed to serve in Ireland in a military capacity, as Lieutenant of Ireland (which Gaveston was weirdly great at. Legitimately.) Edward also gave him and his wife a lot of money. Like, a lot. So that’s nice.
  • In 1309, Edward began attempting to compromise with the barons who had ordered Gaveston’s exile. He promised them more land and power, and to stop his really annoying habit of refusing to meet any of them unless Gaveston was also in the room, if they would overturn the exile. They refused, probably accurately assuming that things would be just as bad as before. In response, Edward began to royally suck up to the powers that be, giving land and titles to members of the Pope’s family until he received a papal annulment of the threat of Gaveston’s exile and agreed to sign a statute relieving some of the earls’ problems, and Gaveston returned.
  • Things improved a lot after that, by which I mean that Gaveston began to give all the earls horrible nicknames and Edward II gave him his own personal armed guard, as well as access to the treasury. Fed up beyond belief at this point, the barons drew up a series of reforms known as the Ordinances of 1311, and forced the king to sign them, saying that civil war would ensue if he didn’t. As well as limitations on Edward’s power as king, these reforms included articles about punishment owed to Gaveston for his offences. By some accounts, Edward promised to agree to all articles diminishing his own power if the barons would allow Gaveston to remain as Earl of Cornwall, to which the barons laughed heartily and exiled Gaveston for a third time, with the promise of death if he were to return. 
  • In 1312, the King demanded that Gaveston return ‘by the king’s order’, ostensibly to visit his pregnant wife but probably just to piss the barons off. Some people suggest that Edward got so desperate at this point that he even offered to recognise Robert the Bruce, the man who had spent his entire life at war with England, as the king of Scotland if he would acknowledge Gaveston as having a right to live in England, but that might be nothing more than a story. Whatever happened, the barons were indeed pissed off, and executed Gaveston.
  • Their love affair lives on in Christopher Marlowe’s play of 1592, Edward II, which deals fairly explicitly with their romantic relationship (although not that explicitly, you can take your grandma to see it). 

Luckily, after that, Edward II learned his lesson about taking royal favourites and using them to piss off his barons by giving them lavish gifts and making them Earls of random places, and he absolutely definitely never took another male favourite ever again, which leads right onto 

Hugh Despenser: in which the whole thing happens all over again, only with less exile and more outright bloody civil war, and also waxworks

  • In 1318, a man named Hugh Despenser was made royal chamberlain, and, despite having enjoyed a fairly lukewarm acquaintance before this point, quickly became a favourite of Edward II. By 1320, he was running around demanding titles and money all over the damn place, and Edward was acquiescing all over the same damn place. At this point, most barons were probably wishing that they’d never executed Gaveston, because compared to Despenser, he was a saint. If Gaveston had been a pain in the arse, then Despenser was a pain in every single arse this side of the equator. He was, by all accounts, pretty obnoxious. Unlike Gaveston, who had mostly been interested in shiny things and status, Despenser was interested in power and politics, and used his status to manoeuvre his way up the ranks of English politics like a little worm on a very small ladder. Oh, and Despenser’s wife was also Edward II’s niece. Just so you know.
  • By 1321, everyone hated Despenser except for Edward. Edward’s wife, Isabella, was one of his most vehement detractors. The reason for her hatred of him, seeing as she’d always tolerated Gaveston, isn’t really known - lots of theories have been purported, primarily focusing on Despenser’s reputation of assaulting noblewomen, and possibly Isabella herself. I did tell you that he was awful. Subsequently, some barons rebelled, starting what are now known as the Despenser Wars. There was even an event where some barons contracted a local magician, John of Nottingham, to kill Edward and Despenser by making wax figures of them and destroying them. Bizarrely, it didn’t work. The barons lost the war in 1322, and Edward and Hugh reigned supreme, and by ‘supreme’, I mean ‘with an iron fist’, and by ‘with an iron fist’, I mean ‘like Joffrey Lannister’. 
  • Over the next 4 years, Edward began to severely punish the barons who had been involved in the Despenser Wars. He would execute the barons, then confiscate their widows’ land and give it to someone whose name, you’ll be unsurprised to hear, was Hugh Despenser. Many of these widows were Isabella’s friends, and, despite having been broadly supportive of Edward up to this point, she began to plot against him. She refused to take an oath of loyalty to the Despensers, and Edward retaliated by taking her land, her assets, and even her children, placing them in the custody of… look, do I even need to tell you which family he gave his own children to? It was the Despensers. What a surprise.
  • Remember how I said that Isabella was a badass? This is why. In 1326, she went to France to negotiate with the French king on Edward’s behalf. Whilst there, she made the acquaintance of Roger Mortimer, a marcher lord who didn’t much care for her husband, having been imprisoned by him in the Tower of London for his part in the Despenser Wars. Romance ensued, and so did plotting. Lots of both.
  • With an army of about 1,500 soldiers, Isabella then invaded England, by some accounts whilst dressed as a goddamn widow, and took back her children and her land. This led to two weeks chasing Edward and Hugh Despenser around South Wales, which honestly needs to be a short video with just Edward and Despenser hiding in various castles and Isabella catching up with them and saying ‘look, I can see you both, you’re hiding under the bed,’ and Edward and Despenser shrieking ‘no, you can’t see us! We’re not here!’ until finally Isabella took back her husband. Only by ‘took back’ her husband, I mostly mean ‘imprisoned’. She had Despenser executed in a rather grisly fashion, including but not limited to castration (a joke at his being a ‘sodomite’, as they named him) and having his body chopped up. Grisly.
  • Edward’s fate is unknown, even to this day. A popular urban myth is that he was executed by having a red hot poker shoved up his royal bottom, supposedly so as not to leave any trace of the murder, but this is nowadays widely accepted as being medieval propaganda designed to poke fun at his possible sexual relationships with Gaveston and Despenser.

All of which is really a very long-winded way of saying that Edward II was a terrible king and should definitely have spent more time ruling the country and less time underestimating his wife, but he was also a very interesting figure in terms of being pretty openly Not Heterosexual, and how he’s been vilified, even to this day, for his sexuality. Lots of people still know him as the guy who prioritised his lovers over his country, and that makes sense because he was about as good a king as a wet ham sandwich by all accounts, but they often think of his sexual preferences as being intrinsic to that, as though he would have been inherently better as a king and human being if his lovers had been female instead. Granted, they would have had less recourse to gain political power than his male lovers did because women couldn’t hold the same levels of status or land, but that’s the fault of the political system, not Edward’s sexuality. It would be good if the whole ‘bad gay’ narrative could be superseded by a ‘bad king’ one, but y’know. Let’s not live in hope.

Sources (collated from Warner, Kathryn, Edward II: The Unconventional King): 

  • Vita Edwardi Secundi 
  • Chronicles of Meaux Abbey
  • Close Rolls (of the reign of Edward II)
Wait for me.

Part 1

A/N: sorry nothing too extreme happened just wait for pat 3 

The days after your fight with Tommy, you didn’t leave your house. You didn’t take calls and you ignored anyone that came to the door. You needed time to get your head together to figure out a life that didn’t involve Tommy. You had noticed the men across the street that didn’t move the same place day in and day out. They were definitely there by order of Tommy and it was getting frustrating seeing them every time you looked out the window it was a constant reminder of the bastard. You stared out the window as the man stared back a switch flipped inside you. You grabbed your jacket before storming out of your house and across the street to the man who had been staring.

“Go on then fuck off back to tommy! I know it’s him that sent you and I swear to god if you don’t leave right now I will shoot you in the fucking face!”

“Miss. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I swear to fuck!” You lowered your voice pulling out a gun and holding it to the man’s face. “Tell Tommy to leave me the fuck alone, now GO!” The man nodded and quickly walked away down the street leaving you standing with a crowd watching you. You sighed and made you way back into the house deciding it was time to get back to life. You got changed into fresh clothes and was brushing her hair when there was a knock on the door.

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#Balm

At first, he thinks she’s pregnant.

It’s not impossible- Not with the amount of time they spend shagging. They may use condoms and the pill but no birth control method is 100% effective (a fact his parents had illustrated beautifully by landing themselves with him.)

It’s not like the notion is an unpleasant one, either: he has occasionally found himself wondering what a little girl with Molly’s eyes and his curls might look like- Just as he has- occasionally- pictured a boy with Molly’s sweet smile and his laugh.

So no, given that he’s now committed to Molly, the notion of offspring doesn’t seem as off-putting as it once did.

In fact, he finds the thought rather… lovely.

Be that as it may, however, he soon deduces that it can’t be pregnancy which causes Molly to scurry into the bathroom as soon as she comes home from work, her head down and her cheeks reddened.

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Two Sugars, Extra Cream

Hello, lovelies! 

I do not expect chapter 2 of Bid Ye Soft Farewell to be up until next week (My SO is in town and I haven’t seen him in a while). SO, I’ve created this silly little ficlet in the meantime. Kind of crazy, kind of out of character. But I had a hell of a good time writing it! Hope you enjoy!


Caramel-Nut Latte, extra hot. Okay, 2 pumps caramel, 3 pumps hazelnut. 2 shots of espresso. Steam milk for extra 20 seconds and a caramel drizzle on top…

Beautiful, Beauchamp. You’re a goddamn coffee wizard.

“Caramel-Nut Latte for Duncan!”

I had been working for Mrs. Fitz for nearly a year at this point while putting myself through school. Though I loved the work that I did at university, there was always something so comforting and homey about the café. Perhaps it was the mismatched green walls, the exposed brick. Perhaps it was the baubles thrown haphazardly on the shelves, or the odd paintings Mrs. Fitz liked to pick up at second-hand shops. (The one with the chimpanzee queen was my favorite). Perhaps it was just the constant smell of coffee that reminded me of my Uncle Lamb– God rest his soul. It was an odd little place, but it was mine. I belonged here.

As if conjured by my own thoughts, I heard the tell-tale backfire of Mrs. Fitz’s ridiculously old car.  She really needed to upgrade.

“Ooooh, Claire, lass! Come help me with the milk! I heard we were runnin’ low, so I bought three crates full!!” Mrs. Fitz was terribly excited about that milk. I, however, did not share in that joy. I knew “helping” in this case meant “carry them all in for me.”

“Aye, aye, Captain Fitz,” I saluted her before going into the trenches. Or the trunk of her car. They looked similar at any rate.

She was making herself a latte when I walked back in with the third crate of milk.

“Mrs. Fitz! I’m utterly shocked that you would waste company products for your own use!” I placed my hand over my heart dramatically.

“Ach. I bought the stuff. I’ll do wi’ it what I please.” And with that she took a sip, smiling the whole time. Should I tell her she had foam on her lip? “Help yourself? I need to speak wi’ ye for a moment.” I waved her off.

“I’m all right. What’s going on?”

“My nephew is moving back into town, and he was needin’ a job. I told him he could work here. Could ye train him a bit? Show him how everything works?”

“Mrs. Fitz…” I was feeling extra dramatic today.

“Claire, dinna…”

“I am appalled that you would use your position as owner and operator of this establishment to hire those you are close to. Where is the democracy?”

“Tis no a democracy. Tis a dictatorship.” Mrs. Fitz was the great-auntie I never knew I wanted. I couldn’t help but laugh at her wit.

“Of, course I’ll help. When is he coming?”

“This Saturday, he’ll be back.”

“I’ll be here. Oh, and Mrs. Fitz?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve got some foam on your lip.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Saturday mornings were slow mornings. No one had to be at work. Well, besides me, I suppose.

I was leaning against the counter when the overhead door bell jingled. Perk up, Beauchamp. Don’t look like a slacker.

“First customer of the day! Congrats! What can I get for you?” I looked up at the man. I mean, really up. Could a man really be that tall, or were two kids pulling a Little Rascals on me? He leaned down, elbows on the counter. Now, I could really see him. Red curls. Blue eyes. Freckled nose. Was he made out of marble? I had never seen features so sharp.

“Are ye Claire?” His voice was like the honey I put in my Darjeeling.

“Yes, I am. Who wants to know?”

“I do. I’m Jamie. Mrs. Fitz is my great-auntie. She said ye’d be helping me? Learn, I mean.”

“OH! Of course! I’m sorry. Come in, come in,” I said as I lifted the flip-counter. He ducked under my arm to get through. “Sorry, that was a bit awkward. You could have lifted it yourself.”

“Aye, it’s all right. I appreciate the chivalry, madam.” He drew out the word ‘madam’ as long as he could. I bowed in return. He chuckled. We were off to a good start, here.

“So, Jamie what to you know about coffee?” His cat-eyes went totally round at the question.

“Well, ye drink it.”

“Mmhmm. And have you ever made coffee before?” I was skeptical that he had even heard the word coffee before today.

“Aye! I make it every day in my Bunn coffeemaker.”

“Bunns are for shmucks. This is the big league. Can you handle it?” He faked a look of concern before turning his attention back on me.

“Aye, I think so.” He nodded as if trying to convince himself.

“Can you take the heat?!” I was starting to sound like a coach, and he, my star player.

“AYE!”

“All right! Let’s start with espresso, shall we?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“So, you’ve grinded the espresso beans. Now what?”

“I put it in the machine…”

“No, no! You’re missing a step!”

“I tamp it!”

“Yes!” Jamie was a quick learner, his brain absorbing the things I said and did. Like a big ole ginger sponge. “You’re really getting the hang of it, especially for someone who didn’t even know what a tamper was when he woke up this morning.”

“It looks a bit like a weapon.” He rolled the bell shaped instrument in his hands.

“Perhaps to people with violent tendencies,” I said, giving him a pointed look. He just rolled his eyes. “How about you try to make yourself a latte or cappuccino?”

“Nay. I dinna drink lattes,” he answered distractedly, still playing with the tamper.

“Have you ever tried one?”

“No. I’m a simple man. Dark roast. Two sugars. Extra cream. These other drinks, they’re much too fancy for me.”

“Oh, Jamie,” I whined. “Be adventurous. Live a little!”

“Aye! All right! If it’ll get ye to stop squealing like a wee hog!”

“Did you just call me a hog?” I should be offended shouldn’t I?

“No, I said ye were like a hog. Big difference.” Yeah, definitely offended.

“Oh, well. Of course. Huge difference.”

“Oh, come, Sassenach. I was only teasing ye.” Oh, no, Mr. Fraser. You would not get off that easily.

“I know,” I mustered to most dejected voice. “No, big deal, right?” Could I fake cry right now? That would be the icing on this revenge cake.

“Claire, lass. Truly. I dinna mean it. Ye’re no like a hog. Ye ken that right?” God, that sincerity was killing me. I’d have to put him out of his misery…

“Oh, I know,” I perked up with a huge smile on my face. I’m pretty sure I was showing top and bottom teeth. Realization cam over his face.

“You wee-“

“Gotcha!”

“Ye’ll pay for that. Make no mistake.”

“Bring it on, Fraser,” I crooked my fingers at him, and then quickly let them fall. “Later. We have a task to accomplish.”

“Which would be…?”

“You. Drinking some frilly, fancy coffee you wouldn’t have otherwise.”

“Fine.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

               I decided to make Jamie my favorite specialty latte. 1 pump chocolate. 2 pumps almond. 2 pumps coconut. 3 shots of espresso. Extra hot. Whipped cream and chocolate drizzle. I handed it to him hesitantly.

“What did ye put in this potion?”

“Just drink it, Ron Weasley.”

He took a small sip, smacking his lips a bit and licking cream off his mouth. That motion was a bit distracting.

“So…?” He contemplated for a second, eyes studying the ceiling.

“Weel, tis a bit sweeter than I like…”

“But…”

“But, it’s no bad. Well done, Sassenach.” I blushed prettily and batted my lashes.

“They do say I make the best coffee in town.” This wasn’t a lie. Some people did say that.

“Do they now? Well, I’m glad I was adventurous and tried one of your frilly lattes.”

“Good.” We sat in silence for a few moments, as customers milled around. He was sipping coffee. I was day dreaming about that argument I had with a customer last month… What an arse.

“Claire.” Jamie broke me from my reverie.  

“Jamie,” I answered just as formally.

“Since I’m being daring, I’d like to ask ye a question.”

“Um, sure.” Weird, but okay. He took a deep breath.

“Would ye like to go to dinner wi’ me sometime?” That was definitely not the question I was expecting. I was thinking more along the lines of ‘Not to be rude, but why does your hair look like that?’ or ‘Can you help me bury a body?’

“I’m sorry?”

“Dinner. Wi’ me. Tonight, possibly?”

“I wasn’t expecting that, but yes. Jamie, I would love to have dinner with you.” I pleasant surprise, that was.

“Aye? Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Thank God. That could have been embarrassing. Is 7 okay?”

“7 sound perfect.” Jamie Fraser, prepare to get the pants charmed off of you.

Hopefully literally.

Paparazzi [Part II]

Pairing: SherlockxReader

Warnings: Kidnapping, little fluff at the end, mormor angst, gunshot (to the shoulder), badass reader, little Sherlock…

A/N Okay, so, I had a plan with th mormor thing, but I took it too far… my mormor shipping has become quite the little probem, I’ll admit. It’s also like 1.6 K words, so…. I’m sorry. I’m also sorry it’s so late. -CE


Last time on Paparazzi…
I’m going to have so much fun with you, pet.” He whispered heavily into your ear while the other jabbed you in the neck. The last thing you could remember was everything turning black, and a lunatic giggling jumbled up with the words, “So… much… fun.”

The drugs wore off rather slowly, creating fog in your vision until it cleared enough for you to see the dull, throbbing grey of the room. There was movement in the dark, just enough to alert you that you weren’t alone. 

“Well, would you look who decided to join us? You’re little fan!” A voice sang- the same voice that had taunted her earlier, belonging to an utter lunatic. Your breath caught slightly when you heard a deep chuckle. His buddy was there, and he had to be just as insane, if not more, to do what he did to those women. You knew that… you just hoped you weren’t the next victim.

“Well, well, well. The little reporter who managed to do what Scotland Yard couldn’t- I’m honored!” The tall blonde chimed sarcastically, messing with a gun on a smooth silvery table. Moriarty’s fingers drummed along your jaw, but you refused to react. You had to do everything Sherlock told you: stay calm, and find a way out. Among other things, but who could remember those?

“It wasn’t difficult, you practically left a trail.” You remarked blandly. As his blue eyes fell to navy, you wished you had the skill of just biting your tongue. 

“What did you say?” Moriarty seemed rather intrigued by your sass, but continued to to type away at his phone, leaning haphazardly on a metal table. The other- Sebastian -just seemed pissed.

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Crash into Me (Ch.2)

(Juice x OC Janna)

@chaosmieu & @juiceboxxortiz 😘😘

Originally posted by soaimagines

(Gif not mine)

One handed she followed Jax and Chibs to Juice’s place. When she parked the guys came over and helped pry Juice free from her hand and brought him into the house.

Settling Juice on the couch Chibs phone began to ring. “Hello?… Aye. …. On our way.” Chibs shut the phone and slipped it back into his pocket. “Jacky Boy, we gotta go kid.” He went to the kitchen and pulled a burner from the drawer.

Making their way back out they found Janna in the truck gathering her bags from the back seat. “Hey love,” Chibs called to her. “Jax and I’ve gotta go. Juicy is set up on the sofa. I’ll be back later to check in on ya.” Pulling out the phone he started punching numbers into it. “Here take this my numbers innit. Call if you need anything darlin.”

With that they were gone leaving a confused Janna standing in the driveway.

Grabbing the rest of her stuff she made her way into the house. Preparing herself for a disaster. She was instead pleasantly surprised to find the place very clean, right down to the freshly vacuumed rug that sat in the middle of the hard wood floor.

Setting her things to the side she made her way to the kitchen and plugged the phone in as it was low when Chibs gave it to her. Noticing a radio on the counter she turned it on and let the music drift through the space. Deciding that food would maybe be a good thing to have when he woke up she opened the fridge and started cooking a real home cooked meal while Juice slept heavily on the couch.

A few hours later Juice woke to the smell of food cooking and the sound of music playing in the kitchen. Slowly he sat up and stood awkwardly on one foot and limped his way to the kitchen. Standing in the door way he tried to not be seen as Janna danced around his kitchen singing along to the radio.

Smiling at her he listened for a moment

“…Yeah I fell in love with Jack Daniel’s again. JACK DANIEL’S IF YOU PLEASE. KNOCK ME TO MY KNEES YOU’RE THE FRIEND THERE HAS EVER BEEN THAT DIDN’T DO ME WRONG. JACK DANIEL’S IF YOU PLEASE. KNOCK ME TO MY KNEES YOU CAN KILL THIS PAIN DRIVING ME INSANE SINCE MY BABY’S GONE.”

She finished with a dramatic cry. Juice started clapping at her performance causing Janna to jump in surprise. “Shit!” She squealed rushing you turn down the radio. “You scared the crap outta me. What are you doing up anyway? You shouldn’t be walking on your foot.” She scolded as she went over to help him to a chair at the table.

“Sorry. I woke up to the smell of something delicious and a woman declaring her love for another man in my kitchen.” He smiled at her blush.

“I hope you don’t mind I raided your fridge and cooked for us.”

“Not at all it smells amazing.” He said stretching his neck to try and see what was on the stove.

“Well it’s just about done. Maybe we can change your bandages while it finishes?” Janna suggested.

“Yeah that’d be great. Could you do me a favor first?” She nodded and listened carefully as he asked her to go to his room and get him a shirt and gym shorts.

Finding what he had asked for where he told her they would be Janna went to the living room to get the supplies Tara had given her to change the bandages on his leg and arm.

When she got back to the kitchen she found Juice had already gotten his shirt off and was starting to pull the wrap from his arm. “Here I’ve got it.” She said rushing over to help him.

Juice let out a hiss when she applied the burn cream to his upper arm. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.” She kept saying over and over. When his arm was done Juice stood on one shaky leg to take off his heavy and tattered cargo pants. Not even caring that Janna was there he dropped the pants and any dirty thoughts she may have thought she would have at seeing him in his underwear went out the window when she saw the blood soaked gauze on his leg. The burn ran from about the middle of his calf up the side of his knee and mid way up his thigh. The icing on the cake was the black swollen blob that was his foot. “Oh my God.” Janna dropped to her knees and was fighting back tears as she slowly pulled the gauze from his leg. “Juice I am so sorry. Oh my God this is all my fault. I…”

“I’ll be ok Janna.” He reassured her. Looking up at him she saw he was smiling trying his hardest not to let the pain show so she wouldn’t feel worse than she already did.

Seeing it wasn’t working he decided to maybe change the subject. “Thanks for staying with me. I’m just gonna go ahead and apologize for anything I say while on the meds.”

At that Janna let out a snort trying hard not to laugh but the reddening of her face gave her away “Oh Fuck. What did I do?” He groaned.

“Well, first you tried to flirt with me by winking but all you kept doing was blinking at me. Then you kept calling me baby.” She laughed.

“Is that it? Please tell me that’s it because that’s not too bad.” He asked hopeful as she started to tape fresh wraps to his leg.

“Well when we got in the truck I asked if you were ok with this.” She indicated to her being in the house. “And you said of course babe then grabbed my hand tride to kiss it but more drooled on it then passed out and wouldn’t let go.”

Juice was blushing!! Actually blushing beat red and mortified at his own actions. “Jana I am sorry I really … fuck… I am so sorry.”

“Juice it’s fine really!!” She reassured him wrapping his knee and then working on his thigh. “Not gonna lie you even made me feel pretty for a minute there.” She blushed as she smoothed the tape over the top of his thigh. Juice caught a shiver when her finger tips brushed over his skin.

Juice couldn’t help but think she was pretty as she knelt infront of him picking up the supplies. He was broken from his trance by her voice. “Here.” She said.

“Huh? Oh.” He noticed her indicating to the shorts she had gotten him she held them open and helped him pull them up to his hips so they wouldn’t brush the fresh bandaging on his leg. “Thank you.” He mumbled into her hair when she stood up. She was so close having helped him dress. Catching her eye before she could move they stared at eachother a moment. “Ya know I think by now I should have gotten you more than a couple drinks.”

Janna laughed and blushed turning away attempting to distract herself from the cute funny shirtless guy with… holy crap that body… “Umm are you ready to eat? Suppers done.”

“Yes please.” He fought with his shirt for a minute while she got plates out but ultimately gave up his shoulder was sore and the tape was pulling on his arm he wasn’t fighting with a t-shirt. Not when she’d already seen him in his underwear, and hell, she’d even helped him dress like he was a damn toddler.

As she filled their plates a knock came at the door. Janna moved to open it but Juice had some how hopped over in two strides and pulled her from the door. “Are we expecting some one?” He asked in a whisper.

“Yeah. Chibs said he’d come by if he could.” She looked worried. “Why?”

“I didn’t hear a bike.” Was all he said pushing her behind him and grabbing a gun from the top of the fridge. Janna’s eyes went wide for a moment and she crowded behind Juice. As he moved closer to check who was knocking on his back door, another loud bang sounded followed by the familiar Scottish drawl.

“Juice boy! Janna Love! Open up iss me!”

Sighing in relief Janna moved around Juice and opened the door. “Hey love ya aright?” Chibs asked noting her startled face.

“Yeah ya just scared us a bit.”

Confused Chibs turned to Juice “Didn’t hear the bike and all the sudden someone’s banging on the back door.” Juice said pitting the 9mm back in its place over the refrigerator.

“Ahh sorry bout tha. Drove tha van. Is actually rainin out.”

Looking past him out the still open door Juice and Janna saw that there was no lightning or thunder but there was indeed a steady but light rain fall blanketing the early darkness of the night.

“Have you eaten?” Janna asked Chibs.

“No.”

“Would you like to stay for supper? I made plenty.”

Looking to Juice who nodded Chibs stepped in shutting the door behind him. “That be lovely darlin. Do ya need help?”

“No no go sit I’ve got it.” She shooed him to the table with Juice. They laughed as they heard her scooting a step stool around with her foot so she could reach everything in the upper cabinets.

“So how bad was I? Janna said I tried to flirt with her and failed miserably.” Chibs laughed.

“Aye tha ya did. Tha best was Tara was talking to us bout your condition and you kept trying to grab that sweet arse o hers.” He laughed harder as Juice just dropped his head in his hands.

Janna pulled them from their thoughts as she set the plates on the table and dished out drinks. Handing Chibs a beer and Juice a water. “I don’t get a beer?” He asked.

“Not with this you dont.” She placed his meds on the table next to his plate.

“Ahh lass this look amazing. What all ave we got ere?” Chibs said picking up his fork and knife.

“Baked chicken mashed potatoes green beans gravy and cornbread.” She smiled. “A southern soul food specialty.”

Digging in they all chatted about Janna and where she was from. About her family and theirs. Cautiously she asked if they wouldn’t mind filling her in on the no hospital policy and the need for Juice to have a gun over the fridge. Neither man wanted to scare her but they knew they should at least let her know a little bit.

They gave her minor details about how they were apart of the club that they kept the town safe doing what police couldn’t do when it fell outside the parameters of the law. Juice finally leveled with her saying. “Janna we try to be good guys but we’re not. We’re outlaws we do bad things but we try to do them for the right reasons.” He realised he wasn’t saying what he wanted to say so he sighed placing a gentle hand over hers. “We’re not always the good guys. But .. we’re good people and you are safe with me. With any of us.”

Janna smiled squeezing his hand. “That’s all I needed to hear.” She was fine as long as she felt safe and oddly enough she did. They continued to eat, Juice and chibs having seconds. When Janna reached for her drink to take a sip Chibs was telling a good one on Juice letting Tig be attacked by a stripper at the Jelly Bean. “I’m telling ya love all we saw was Juice side step and this strippers arse flying over his shoulder and her thighs around Ol Tiggy’s neck.” They were laughing so hard Janna missed her own mouth with her drink and spilled water all down the front of her shirt.

“Oh my God can I just not keep my drink in my damn mouth today?” She fussed at herself trying to wipe up her mess. “Did I tell you that’s what almost killed you by the way. I spilled my drink on me and took my hand off the wheel for a second and nearly killed you.” Juice was trying to help wipe up what had spilled on the table but was distracted by her shirt sticking to her chest.

Staring at her his mouth went a little dry. “Umm it’s fine really. Here.” He thought he may be able to speak to her if he wasn’t distracted and handed her his shirt that he never got on.

“Thanks” she said and stood, whipping her wet shirt over her head with out a second thought. Juice and chibs would’ve enjoyed the show had they not been met with a colorful assortment of bruises that painted up and down her side.

Grabbing her hips where she stood next to him Juice ran his fingers over the marks looking up to her when she hissed in pain. “Who did this Janna?”

“Juice it’s not..”

“WHO?!” He cut her off angry that anyone would do this to her. “I swear to God Janna…”

“I DID IT!” She blurted out.

Juice’s forehead creased in confusion and he looked to Chibs. Janna slid Juice’s dry shirt on and sat down. “I did it. It was an accident. I was at work. I pulled a little ford Fiesta onto the lift but the balance was off. When I hit the button to lift the car, it slipped. Knocked me back into one of the tall metal tool boxes. That’s also why I’m looking for work they fired me.” She looked ashamed. “It’s like I said I’m a clutz.” She laughed at herself embarrassed.

Seeing her upset Juice felt like such an ass. “Janna .. I’m …”

“Stop. Please.” She stopped him. “It’s not your fault. It just sucks. And it’s a little bit embarrassing.”

Chibs began to get a bit uncomfortable watching the two. He could tell Juice wanted to talk to her but wasn’t sure bringing it up infront of company would be appreciated. “Well I better be off now.” He stood from the table. Gathering his plate and bottle. “Do ya need any help with this lass?” He held his hand out to the left overs on the counter top.

“No thank you. I can get it. Did you want to take anything with you?”

“No need love. I’ll be back by tomorrow. Dinner was spectacular darlin thank ya.” He walked over to give her a quick hug and a peck on the forehead. “I’ll see ya Juicy.” He he nodded to his friend and went to leave. Smiling as he saw Janna fussing over Juice through the window and Juice smiling never taking his eyes from her.

“Did you take your medicine?” Janna asked as she put the last dish into the washer.

“Not yet. I didn’t wanna make an ass outta myself during dinner.” Laughing she brought him a fresh glass of water. Taking the pills she went to help him up to go to bed.

“Just take me to the couch. You can have my bed.”

“What? No Juice..”

“Janna it’s fine. Really.”

“I am not nearly killing you and kicking you out of your bed in the same day.” She stated trying again to steer him down the hall to his room. Juice stood firm though.

Janna looked up to him not realising how close they were at first. He held her gaze and leaned in “Then stay with me.” He whispered to her.

“Juice I…”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch. You’re either staying with me or alone. Either way it’s in the bed.” Brushing her hair back from her face Juice smiled. “Besides you’re gonna have to check on me throughout the night right? Makes sense to just be together.”

Janna was really hoping it was the medicine talking but had a feeling it was only helping him say what he wanted to say. “Fine.” She relented and helped him to his room. She figured she could just get him to sleep then slip out later.

What she neglected to take into account was that drugged Juice was strong and handsy. When she climbed into the bed beside him he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in close. He fell asleep almost instantly and she tried to wiggle away but like with quick sand the more she struggled the deeper she sank into the mattress and Juice held firm.

It wasn’t long before exhaustion took over and she fell asleep.
The Lesser of Two Evils - Part 3

Original request: I was messaged with a great idea from @avengersrulez1536 where the reader is Regina’s sister. Although she is nicer than her she is just as evil as Peter Pan….someone who she is about to come face to face with. Oh and she is a pirate! :D 

This is Part 3 for you all! I’m not 100% sure on whether to end it here or if you would like me to do another chapter (that gets a little more smutty) sooooo let me know!

Peter Pan x EvilPirate!Reader

Words: 2033

Warnings: Violence, dark behaviour and sexual advances.

Disclaimer: None of the GIFs are mine. All credit goes to their creators <3

So….he was going to continue playing this little game of his was he despite you showing some of the power you held inside of you? That’s fine, you will go along with it for now, but he was going to end up regretting it. You were determined to make that so. A snarl edged up onto your lips as you felt the suffocating presence of the shadows once more but before you turned your attentions to them you wanted to say one last thing to the demon of a boy still on the floor before you.

“I suggest you stay out of my way while I deal with these little pests of yours otherwise the next time my magic finds its way towards you it won’t be your arse hurting…it will be that pretty little face of yours.”

The image of wiping that smug little smirk right off his face was more than enough to have you feeling a little smug – although that didn’t last very long when he decided to pipe up once again….he really did seem to like the sound of his own voice.

“So, you think I’m pretty huh?”

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2

Temple & Hands

11

“I just can’t grant you the time off over Christmas.” My manager sighed, like he felt badly about it.

And I knew full well the bastard did not feel bad about it. How could he? It was his fucking decision whether I got the holidays or not. How could he possibly feel badly about it when it was his decision to say no?
My god. I know it’s a fucking cliché, but I hated that man.

“Well, yes you can.” I pointed out. “I haven’t used my holidays yet, and I’ve earnt them. I’ve literally worked for those holidays, and I can take them when I want. All you need is two weeks’ notice, and I’ve given you a month, so you can absolutely grant me the holidays.”

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have a cleaned up but still ridiculous ‘brought together by a minor car accident’ au because jily. and llamas.

“Hello? Ma’am? Are you okay?”

Lily opened her eyes to find a boy staring at her through her car window with mild concern on his face. Two boys, actually. She blinked, trying to refocus her gaze. Didn’t work, but he was so pretty she almost didn’t mind seeing two of him.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

Lily took stock—her knee hurt like hell, but the airbag had deployed and prevented serious injury. Her greatest danger seemed to be repeated sneezing from the bloody white powder still hanging in the air.

She rolled down her window. “I think so, yeah.”

“Thank fuck—I mean god. I mean shit.” He rested a hand on the roof of her car and leaned forward. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Lily said, leaning her head back on her seat. “Did I hit the llama?”

The grin slipped of his face—faces. “You don’t remember what happened?”

“Er…I hit a llama?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I didn’t?”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“There was a llama…right?” She swore there was a llama, and swearing, and swerving.

“A llama, or a mutant sheep,” he said, grinning slightly. Lily’s vision finally focused—there was only one of him now. He was far handsomer than her blurry vision had given him credit for. 

He had a very nice smile, didn’t he?

“You really don’t remember?” he asked. She shook her head. Or started to, but stopped, due to the pain. Good Teeth leaned forward. “Are you sure you’re okay? Were you unconscious just then?”

“No,” Lily said, because that was the appropriate reply when someone asked you if you were just unconscious.

“Right,” he said. She could tell he didn’t believe her. She didn’t believe her.

“Was I unconscious?”

“Maybe. And you didn’t hit the llama, you hit me.”

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30 minutes locked down ~ Sirius Black X Reader ~ Imagine

Originally posted by marauderseraimagines

so this his my new imagine! taugh it’ll had been cool to have a start to the 30 minutes locked down game, and who’s the most likely to have started this?! SIRIUS ! so here we go! have fun :)


˵ Hey guys! I’ve got an idea! Do you know that muggle game: 7 minutes in heaven? ˶ asked Sirius.

˵Yeah that’s something about locking two persons in a closet or something.˶ answered Remus an annoyed look on his face.

˵Yeah, do you get where I am going? We could lock Evans and Prongs together! ˶ he responded.

˵ The only thing you forget is that Evans is stubborn AF and 7 minutes is not going to do anything and moreover isn’t it supposed to be random? Like we’re supposed to pick something out of a bag that tell who you’re locked with? ˶ Lupin add.

˵Well it’s easy to trick the bag and for the time matter we could just prolonged it! 30 minutes could do the trick! This is as easy as that! ˶


The thing Sirius didn’t mentioned was that he really wanted to have an excuse to do a party that y/n would attend and that his friend would not have their attention on him. He knew otherwise he would not be able to talk to you. Not that he was shy, the thing was he wanted to be able to talk casually with you, without having his friend whistle at him. He knew that it would make him look like an asshole.


A few days later, at the party, he explained the rules of the game to the group and everybody accepted. The bag was passed from guy to guy and couples went in the room, one after another, the party as high as ever. Then, you turn came up.

Sirius was passing the bag and realise at that moment that maybe that game wasn’t his best idea to distract his friend from him. What if you choose some guy and end up liking him at the end of the night. What if you liked him so much that he couldn’t have a chance with you afterward?  

On your side, you had like Sirius but that game was changing everything, he really wanted to snog the first girl he could wasn’t he? Why would have he done that otherwise. He always had flirt with many girl, but something about how he wasn’t trying to impress you but actually know you, your interest and how you were feeling had made you think, maybe, you were different to him. Maybe, he liked you the same way you like him.  You were not excited by that game and really if you could you would have skip your turn.

˵It’s a dog muggle toy…˶ you said, annoyed at the game.

˵H-hum… that me actually.˶ he responded nervously. Great! You taught, now you were stuck with the exact person that had made you mad in the first place for half an hour.


You two entered the room and the light went off indicating the start of the 30 minutes.

˵Did you really needed the 30 minutes to be in the dark? ˶ you asked even more annoyed by what was intended by the darkness of the room.  

˵I guess … I thought it would be fun…˶ he answered shyly.

˵Fun if you want to snog that badly….. ˶ you add.

˵Yeah, I didn’t thought about that ….˶

˵Clearly! ˶ you said more mad then you thought you were about the game.

˵Hey! no need to be rude! What’s the problem? ˶ he asked defensively.

˵ I’m just not the biggest fan of the game, you know it’s pretty insulting for girls, being treated like you’re just an object, just someone a guy would make out with because he is locked with you, maybe it is fun for SOME people but I don’t think it is.˶ you responded.

˵I didn’t meant it like that! I only wanted to push the circumstances a little bit for my friend! James really like Evans and her friend told me she thought she liked him too even if she didn’t wanted to admit it! I tricked the bag for it to happen! It was just an excuse! ˶ he half lied.

˵What?! You tricked the bag! So every couples are determined by you! ˶ You said half outraged by the fact, half relived that it wasn’t his intention to snog the first girl walking by.

˵ No! Just Evans and Potter! ˶ he said. ˵I’m so dumb….she’ll never like me after that….. ˶ he then whispered.

˵Oh ok! But what did you said? I didn’t heard that last part.˶

˵Nothing! Nothing…. How did you heard something I was whispering?”

˵ Because I’m just beside you˶ you said chuckling a little. ˵you know you should improve you lying game, you just lied about saying something and two second after confirmed that you did in fact said something by asking how could I have heard it.˶

˵I’m not a lousy liar! Take that back! You should know I’m the one that locked professor Slughorn In the second floor girls’ bathroom, and even Dumbledore didn’t find out it was me! Proof I can lie! ˶

˵ For Merlin sake! What’s gotten to you Black! First you couldn’t lie properly and know you let an information that could lead you to detention into the hands of someone that is not part of your little crew! ˶

˵I don’t know…˶ he answered clearly knowing that you were the cause of all this. He was going crazy, beating himself up for all this when you crashed in something coming from nowhere, hurting your foot.

˵ Ouch! ˶

˵Are you alright? ˶

˵No, my foot hurt really bad ….˶

˵ I’m so sorry! It’s all my fault˶ he said checking you to be sure you had no serious injury.

˵ How could this be your fault? And why are you apologising? This is so not like you Sirius! ˶

˵Well I had the idea for this party and I wanted to do this game so Evans and Prongs would end up together and my friend would leave me along this night, but it turns out that your hurt and you probably hate me…˶

˵Why did you wanted your friend to leave you along tonight? You like to be the center of attention! More like want to be the center of attention! And why does it matter if I hate you or not? You have all the girls of our year in your hands! ˶

Sirius wasn’t a person that liked to reveal his self to others unless they were close to him. On all the marauders only James knew he liked Y/N. Not that he didn’t trust Remus and Peter less, he didn’t wanted James to know either but he had found out since he was the only other in the marauders to actually have a serious crush on someone. He didn’t wanted to tell Y/N but he knew that if not you would know he was lying and you would probably hate him more for it.

˵I arrange this party to have an occasion to talk to you and learn more about you, but since James know I like you I didn’t wanted him to do something to let people know. Otherwise I would have been an arse, I know how I act, and I didn’t wanted you to see that. So I created the games thinking everyone would have their attention on him instead of me. Oh and to answer all your question, the other girls don’t matter to me. I only care for YOU to like me because I have a crush on you and wanted to ask you out on a date, but I suppose this is over now. ˶ he responded a sad smile on his face.

He liked you! He actually liked you! All the things that he had done you taught were to get the first girl around were in fact to get you. You WERE special to him. You closed the distance between your faces, already close from one another from when he had taken care of you, and put your hand on his cheek.

˵Maybe it’s not over… ˶ you responded to him.

His eye grew bigger as he understood what you meant.

˵B-but I screw everything up! ˶ he said confused.

˵ You didn’t actually. You were considerated, you tried to avoid attention so you would not be an arse, you arrange a whole party to spend time with me and you told me I as special to you then you are to me, when I taught I wasn’t different from any other girl.˶ you answered.

˵So I’m special to you? ˶ He said with a cheeky smile.

˵ Shut up and kiss me! ˶ You said a bigger grin on your face.

He placed a hand on your waist gently, then kissed you slowly at first, getting to know your lips. How’d they move, the way they felt against his, the reaction he was getting from them. Then the door opened. The 30 minutes was over.

˵ For merlin sake Peter! Knock on the door before opening it! Do you even get what that game was supposed to do! ˶ Sirius said, hopelessness in his voice.

˵Now I get why you didn’t wanted to have to have your friend around.˶ you laughed. ˵ You’re not the nicest around them.˶

Severus Snape Imagine: “Nothing more than a friend – Part 2”

Please can you do a second part to the “nothing more than a friend” imagine with young! Severus Snape? Thanks !❤

Notes and warnings: Slytherin reader. Mentions of bullying. It is recommendable to read the first part to better understand this story. Click here to read Severus Snape Imagine: “Nothing more than a friend – Part 1”

Requested by @maraudersxtrioximagines


You were in the Slytherin Common Room, reading while sitting comfortably on a black leather couch. You had just come from a walk by the Black Lake and wanted nothing more than to relax and forget about the OWLs. You were engrossed in the book, when all of a sudden, you felt the warmth of somebody sitting next to you. You couldn’t help but raise your head up and face the intruder. You were surprised to meet a pair of deep black eyes, the same ones you still dreamed of at night, but were careful to suppress a gasp and keep your face emotionless.

“Did you mean it?” he asked, his velvety voice sending shivers down your spine.

You furrowed your brow.

“Mean what?”

“That I could count on you.”

You remembered the way your heart broke last year, when you realized that you and Severus would be nothing more than friends. He had kept his distance from you all this time, probably ashamed and at a loss of what to do about your feelings for him, which hadn’t changed one bit, nay, they intensified over time.

“I am a slytherin. I always help my kind, and I still care for you…” you provided.

“So the offer still stands?” he asked, quite coldly, although you noticed the slightest hint of pink coloring his usually pale cheeks.

“Yes.”

“Good. I need your assistance.”

Despite his steady voice, he looked agitated, and you could tell that whatever he was about to ask would be serious.

“I want to get Lily back, and you are going to help me.”

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Lord of Shadows: a pretty harsh review (and analysis on the great and not so great parts)

(Super long sorry)
(Unpopular opinions sorry)
I loved this book while reading it, the plot flowed well, the characters were quite lovable, but once I finished it- it felt like I had read nothing at all. The only feelings I had came from the whole situation with Kieran and Mark and Cristina, and that was just because I’m a total sucker for sad romances where one loves the other way more than they are loved back but ANYWAYS.

(THE KIERARKTINA ANALYSIS IS NEAR THE END)

Plot
Villians
Unseelie King
Isn’t even half as threatening or formidable of an archenemy as Sebastian Morgenstern, and that makes the whole story quite weak already

Seelie Queen
She’s going to do something that will bite the shadowhunters in their arse the moment Julian gives him the Black Book. Predictable. She could’ve done way more manipulation on the others as well.

Zara and the Cohort
Everyone who fought in the way againt the Circle/Valentine is still alive. There is no way that within 10 years people who go back to wanting to brand downworlders and such. They remember the last time someone wanted to do that a massive war broke out and their relatives died. Also Zara is a two-dimensional character: her goal is weak, and she doesn’t seem to have any human/likeable qualities. So she’s a Regina-George-type character, made to be hated, but the Unseelie King has already taken that role. Repeat: Sebastian Morgenstern was a way better villian, since he had a single human quality: he wanted to be with his family, his sister and his brother. This brings us onto my next point

Characters
Both the villians and the heros both had very single-trait, non in-depth personalities, probably due to the amount of characters and arcs.

Emma: too unflawed. Her emotions are quite simple throughout the book (there could’ve been great inner turmoil about whether she could give up being shadowhunter to love/protect Julian). She killed a rider too easily- making her seem to powerful.

Julian: He was a pretty horrible person in this bk but in terms of character depth he’s not too bad. He loves his family and would do anything for them and it’s shown in a variety of ways. I’ve been comparing him to Cersei, since he’s on the whole “family is most important” and “manipulation” thing. However, considering that he’s practically been running the family, he should definitely sound less whiny and more mature.

Cristina: I don’t even know what to say. I can’t even remember what you did apart from sing lullabies and be attached to Mark. Her lack of more personality sucks because Kieran keeps saying she’s really nice and kind and stuff, but it’s not that supported really. She could’ve contributed way more to the fantastic love triangle, by trying to actively push Mark away because she’s seen how much Kieran loves him. Her selfishness here doesn’t lone up with her wanting to end the Cold Peace for both faeries and shadowhunter’s gain.

Mark: I hate him and love him. Cassie made a good decision in making him quite the douchebag, not quite loving Kieran as much as he loves him and not caring enough about Kieran’s feelings. But that makes him the most realistic of all characters: he feels regret since he’s practically ditched Kieran the minute he didnt need him (I mean there’s the whole “you made my brother and sister get tortured but you saved my other brother” thing which should’ve been Mark’s excuse to himself about why he’s not choosing Kieran, but he’s doesn’t and runs around with Cristina anyways. Interesting.

Kieran: I love him to much to make any judgement. Also he’s a faerie- they aren’t exactly “humans” and their emotions are more 2D so…

Ty: Better character compared to some others, and we now understand mildly how the twins and Kit work together as a team (since Kit needs to become one of the only people that understand Ty due to Liv’s death) . Also his loyalty to family as seen by the letter to Annabel. Cassie has laid great groundwork for him. Can’t wait for him to be a main character.

Kit: He and Ty need potential to evolve in the next series so I’m giving them some slack. I’ll do more analysis on their relationship later.

Liv: She loves her brother and is curious about Kit and she’s a generally more “realistic” character. Really thats it. I wish I felt tears for her death. I dont. Cassie could’ve developed her even more as a character, but then that would make her death more painful so. But her importance to Ty and the rest of the family is written enough that it would justify the changes that will happen due to her death.

Dru: TBH Cassie could’ve not spread the characters out so much that we’re kinda at a lost. Time spent writing about Dru could’ve been used on main-er characters, but Jaime needed an introduction. So did she. Looking forward to reading more about her in TWP.

Diego: A character with multiple loyalties! Yay!

Diana: It would’ve been way more influential if she had been forced by Julian to explain why she couldn’t apply for the institute instead of dropping it like a “bonus” story which makes her seem like then token LGBT character. It’s a great plot twist that couldn’t have seemed even more forced. It’s kinda sad that a brilliant character reveal was ruined

Gywp: He’s leader of the Wild Hunt and I know he’s in love with Diana but he’s not Magnus, who’s always had nothing better to do than help hot shadowhunters. (Jkjk)

Magnus/Alec/Jace/Clary: domestically cute and cameos that contribute to the main arcs.

Now, onto the more controversial topics:
THE ROMANCE
Julian/Emma: This entire book is supposed to be about them balancing dealing for their love of each other with saving the world. It’s written in a whiny way and not nearly enough character (If you’ve read the Throne of Glass series, then you’ll understand- they needed the long-ass training scene between Aelin and Rowan). We never read about how they fall in love and that makes the emotions quite plastic…? It would’ve been fantastic to read more about how they fell in love instead of how they are insanely tortured now. It doesn’t emotionally appeal to me at all.

Cristina/Mark/Kieran: Words cannot express how much I fucking love this romance arc. It gives me so many feels, and half of them make me cry. I’ll analyse Kierark first. When it first debuted it felt like the “token hot gay ship thats thrown in for the fangirls to get off to”, but then as time passes we slowly learn how toxic this relationship really is. Kieran doesn’t love anything else in this world apart from Mark, having no family, no friends to love him. Whereas with Mark, he’s always been surrounded with love, with his half-brothers and sisters, Emma, Helen… etc. He doesn’t understand how much he means to Kieran, and Kieran definitely loves Mark more. In the Wild Hunt, it’s shown just how much Mark depended on Kieran to stay sane, which suggests, as Cristina says, that Mark owes a debt to Kieran. But it is not nearly that simple. Kieran’s love for Mark is what kept him sane, and love is unconditional in most cases, including this. It is undeniable that Mark, despite him having the possibility of not being in love with Kieran when they first become lovers, due to it merely being what he needed, it is certain that Mark does feel for Kieran. Even when Kieran betrays Mark, Kieran believes it to only bring Mark back to him. I see someone so broken that they’d do anything to have their lover back, not a selfish bastard who doesn’t cate about Mark at all. Kieran doesn’t understand “Family”, and in his defence the Blackthorns are a large enough family to survive without Mark. I’m not saying Kieran is entirely blameless, but its a totally understandable thing to want things to go back to how they used to be, and that is extremely human and (“I betcha you would have done the same”). Their love is insanely primitive and raw, and it is more of a “need” to both of them. Kieran needs someone to give him love, Mark needed someone to keep him sane.
Then we move onto Mark. For some reason, the faerie-blooded characters seem to act the most human in this series. Mark is a bloody douche for stringing Kieran on, while pursuing Cristina, but then that’s exactly what he craves. He needs someone to love him, in a simple way. He craves normality, and that comes in the form of Cristina, whom he finds himself attracted to, originally physical (he says he wants Cristina and that Kieran wouldn’t mind: he was not emotionally attracted to Cristina. But now that he’s spent time and realised how easy she is to love, he loves her). Kieran and Mark’s relationship is not just sexual, or romantic, or friendship, or brotherhood- it’s insanely complex and dependent and its toxic but they will never be able to remove the bond between them. They’ve experienced life and death together. But Mark doesn’t want to be burdened by such a heavy emotional relationship anymore, and that’s understandable, so he turns to Cristina. Kieran cannot bring himself to hate Cristina, since she wants the Cold Peace to end and that shows how much she cares for everyone and how she uncharacteristically wants to protect faerie rights despite being a shadowhunter. Cristina also oddly finds their relationship arousing instead of being jealous of Kieran, which leads to some of the fandom wishing for a polyamorous relationship. (Including me to an extent). On one hand Cristina could neutralise the toxicity of Kierark and also slowly teach Kieran to love other people, which would result in him not requiring the entirety of Mark’s love. (Cuz currently, Kieran love mark with 100% of his heart and wants Mark to do the same. If Kieran loved other people it would be less toxic, since Mark does HAVE to share his love with his family even if Cristina is out of the picture ) On the other hand, it would be great for Kieran to find someone who will love him as much or even more than he loves them. The smol deserves more love in his life, don’t you think? Also, I forgot to mention that Kieran does need to go back to the Wild Hunt, or he might become Unseelie King, and then Kierkark could actually be impossible, but I firmly believe they’ll always love each other, maybe not as much as before, but they’ve left quite the imprint on each other’s lives
(The stars will go out before I forget you, Mark Blackthorn)

Ty/Kit: LIKE THEY COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER SO WELL TY DOESN’T OPEN UP EASILY WHEREAS KIT DOES (he’s already attached to the Blackthorns) And Kit is so much more outgoing and cool and GAH its a great ship looking SO forward to TWP. (Srsly I have so much hopes for TWP cuz in my opinion TDA is a bit of a weak arc and the only redeeming characters seem to be Mark’s drama (I don’t think we’re going to see this in TWP I’m sad)

Gwyp/Diana: super cute and deserves more love

In conclusion:
I love Cassandra Claire’s style and how she can make character relationships insanely lovable. The fact that she always protects the characters all of us love from dying is great too. But @cassandraclaire if you see this, please do consider these points made by a fangirl who is nitpicking a bit (I hope this series ends up as good as TID) for the greater good😂 (Also Diego/Kieran ain’t too bad of a ship either😏😂)

If you disagree with any of these, I am open to dicussions:) Just please don’t blindly hate on this: all of us are entitled to opinions, you have yours and I have mine. Let’s respect each other, okay?

Old Wounds - Chapter Six

previous

Gigi checked the video screen at the door and scowled. Pulling her grey cardi tight around her, she opened the door to her flat to confront the interloper. “What?”

“Aren’t friends allowed to drop by unannounced anymore?”

Jack was being charming and that was a bad sign. It meant he was up to something. He wanted something from her and the last time he had wanted something from her had ended up a disaster. Yes. Everything about last night had been a disaster. Everything. It would be in her best interest to avoid him and his charmingness so she didn’t end up crying in a hotel room again. That was a good streak to start. Days since crying in a hotel room. Today was day one. She squinted at him until her eyelashes interfered with her view. “How do you even know where I live?” A sudden thought occurred to her spine went rigid. “Did you get it out of my medfile?”

He held up both hands like he was warding off a mugger. “No. After last night, I wouldn’t dare violate your medical privacy.”

She relaxed slightly. But only slightly. Because somehow he had gotten into the building too without her buzzing him up, though that was probably due to one of the other tenants letting him in. It’s not like she actually swiped the doorpad more than fifty percent of the time. His stupid beard combined with how nicely he was dressed meant anyone would have let him in because they would have assumed that he wasn’t an arse. Which he was, she reminded herself. Complete and total arse.  “Then how do you know where I live?”

Jack rubbed the back of his neck and grinned sheepishly. “Your mum told me.”

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The Dark Affices: Lord of Shadows Analysis

(Unpopular opinions sorry+mostly criticism but the book is good, its just Imm irked by these points GAH )
I loved this book while reading it, the plot flowed well, the characters were quite lovable, but once I finished it- it felt like I had read nothing at all. The only feelings I had came from the whole situation with Kieran and Mark and Cristina, and that was just because I’m a total sucker for sad romances where one loves the other way more than they are loved back but ANYWAYS.

(THE KIERARKTINA ANALYSIS IS NEAR THE END)

Plot
Villians
Unseelie King
Isn’t even half as threatening or formidable of an archenemy as Sebastian Morgenstern, and that makes the whole story quite weak already

Seelie Queen
She’s going to do something that will bite the shadowhunters in their arse the moment Julian gives him the Black Book. Predictable. She could’ve done way more manipulation on the others as well.

Zara and the Cohort
Everyone who fought in the way againt the Circle/Valentine is still alive. There is no way that within 10 years people who go back to wanting to brand downworlders and such. They remember the last time someone wanted to do that a massive war broke out and their relatives died. Also Zara is a two-dimensional character: her goal is weak, and she doesn’t seem to have any human/likeable qualities. So she’s a Regina-George-type character, made to be hated, but the Unseelie King has already taken that role. Repeat: Sebastian Morgenstern was a way better villian, since he had a single human quality: he wanted to be with his family, his sister and his brother. This brings us onto my next point

Characters
Both the villians and the heros both had very single-trait, non in-depth personalities, probably due to the amount of characters and arcs.

Emma: too unflawed. Her emotions are quite simple throughout the book (there could’ve been great inner turmoil about whether she could give up being shadowhunter to love/protect Julian). She killed a rider too easily- making her seem to powerful.

Julian: He was a pretty horrible person in this bk but in terms of character depth he’s not too bad. He loves his family and would do anything for them and it’s shown in a variety of ways. I’ve been comparing him to Cersei, since he’s on the whole “family is most important” and “manipulation” thing. However, considering that he’s practically been running the family, he should definitely sound less whiny and more mature.

Cristina: I don’t even know what to say. I can’t even remember what you did apart from sing lullabies and be attached to Mark. Her lack of more personality sucks because Kieran keeps saying she’s really nice and kind and stuff, but it’s not that supported really. She could’ve contributed way more to the fantastic love triangle, by trying to actively push Mark away because she’s seen how much Kieran loves him. Her selfishness here doesn’t lone up with her wanting to end the Cold Peace for both faeries and shadowhunter’s gain.

Mark: I hate him and love him. Cassie made a good decision in making him quite the douchebag, not quite loving Kieran as much as he loves him and not caring enough about Kieran’s feelings. But that makes him the most realistic of all characters: he feels regret since he’s practically ditched Kieran the minute he didnt need him (I mean there’s the whole “you made my brother and sister get tortured but you saved my other brother” thing which should’ve been Mark’s excuse to himself about why he’s not choosing Kieran, but he’s doesn’t and runs around with Cristina anyways. Interesting.

Kieran: I love him to much to make any judgement. Also he’s a faerie- they aren’t exactly “humans” and their emotions are more 2D so…

Ty: Better character compared to some others, and we now understand mildly how the twins and Kit work together as a team (since Kit needs to become one of the only people that understand Ty due to Liv’s death) . Also his loyalty to family as seen by the letter to Annabel. Cassie has laid great groundwork for him. Can’t wait for him to be a main character.

Kit: He and Ty need potential to evolve in the next series so I’m giving them some slack. I’ll do more analysis on their relationship later.

Liv: She loves her brother and is curious about Kit and she’s a generally more “realistic” character. Really thats it. I wish I felt tears for her death. I dont. Cassie could’ve developed her even more as a character, but then that would make her death more painful so. But her importance to Ty and the rest of the family is written enough that it would justify the changes that will happen due to her death.

Dru: TBH Cassie could’ve not spread the characters out so much that we’re kinda at a lost. Time spent writing about Dru could’ve been used on main-er characters, but Jaime needed an introduction. So did she. Looking forward to reading more about her in TWP.

Diego: A character with multiple loyalties! Yay!

Diana: It would’ve been way more influential if she had been forced by Julian to explain why she couldn’t apply for the institute instead of dropping it like a “bonus” story which makes her seem like then token LGBT character. It’s a great plot twist that couldn’t have seemed even more forced. It’s kinda sad that a brilliant character reveal was ruined

Gywp: He’s leader of the Wild Hunt and I know he’s in love with Diana but he’s not Magnus, who’s always had nothing better to do than help hot shadowhunters. (Jkjk)

Magnus/Alec/Jace/Clary: domestically cute and cameos that contribute to the main arcs.

Now, onto the more controversial topics:
THE ROMANCE
Julian/Emma: This entire book is supposed to be about them balancing dealing for their love of each other with saving the world. It’s written in a whiny way and not nearly enough character (If you’ve read the Throne of Glass series, then you’ll understand- they needed the long-ass training scene between Aelin and Rowan). We never read about how they fall in love and that makes the emotions quite plastic…? It would’ve been fantastic to read more about how they fell in love instead of how they are insanely tortured now. It doesn’t emotionally appeal to me at all.

Cristina/Mark/Kieran: Words cannot express how much I fucking love this romance arc. It gives me so many feels, and half of them make me cry. I’ll analyse Kierark first. When it first debuted it felt like the “token hot gay ship thats thrown in for the fangirls to get off to”, but then as time passes we slowly learn how toxic this relationship really is. Kieran doesn’t love anything else in this world apart from Mark, having no family, no friends to love him. Whereas with Mark, he’s always been surrounded with love, with his half-brothers and sisters, Emma, Helen… etc. He doesn’t understand how much he means to Kieran, and Kieran definitely loves Mark more. In the Wild Hunt, it’s shown just how much Mark depended on Kieran to stay sane, which suggests, as Cristina says, that Mark owes a debt to Kieran. But it is not nearly that simple. Kieran’s love for Mark is what kept him sane, and love is unconditional in most cases, including this. It is undeniable that Mark, despite him having the possibility of not being in love with Kieran when they first become lovers, due to it merely being what he needed, it is certain that Mark does feel for Kieran. Even when Kieran betrays Mark, Kieran believes it to only bring Mark back to him. I see someone so broken that they’d do anything to have their lover back, not a selfish bastard who doesn’t cate about Mark at all. Kieran doesn’t understand “Family”, and in his defence the Blackthorns are a large enough family to survive without Mark. I’m not saying Kieran is entirely blameless, but its a totally understandable thing to want things to go back to how they used to be, and that is extremely human and (“I betcha you would have done the same”). Their love is insanely primitive and raw, and it is more of a “need” to both of them. Kieran needs someone to give him love, Mark needed someone to keep him sane.
Then we move onto Mark. For some reason, the faerie-blooded characters seem to act the most human in this series. Mark is a bloody douche for stringing Kieran on, while pursuing Cristina, but then that’s exactly what he craves. He needs someone to love him, in a simple way. He craves normality, and that comes in the form of Cristina, whom he finds himself attracted to, originally physical (he says he wants Cristina and that Kieran wouldn’t mind: he was not emotionally attracted to Cristina. But now that he’s spent time and realised how easy she is to love, he loves her). Kieran and Mark’s relationship is not just sexual, or romantic, or friendship, or brotherhood- it’s insanely complex and dependent and its toxic but they will never be able to remove the bond between them. They’ve experienced life and death together. But Mark doesn’t want to be burdened by such a heavy emotional relationship anymore, and that’s understandable, so he turns to Cristina. Kieran cannot bring himself to hate Cristina, since she wants the Cold Peace to end and that shows how much she cares for everyone and how she uncharacteristically wants to protect faerie rights despite being a shadowhunter. Cristina also oddly finds their relationship arousing instead of being jealous of Kieran, which leads to some of the fandom wishing for a polyamorous relationship. (Including me to an extent). On one hand Cristina could neutralise the toxicity of Kierark and also slowly teach Kieran to love other people, which would result in him not requiring the entirety of Mark’s love. (Cuz currently, Kieran love mark with 100% of his heart and wants Mark to do the same. If Kieran loved other people it would be less toxic, since Mark does HAVE to share his love with his family even if Cristina is out of the picture ) On the other hand, it would be great for Kieran to find someone who will love him as much or even more than he loves them. The smol deserves more love in his life, don’t you think? Also, I forgot to mention that Kieran does need to go back to the Wild Hunt, or he might become Unseelie King, and then Kierkark could actually be impossible, but I firmly believe they’ll always love each other, maybe not as much as before, but they’ve left quite the imprint on each other’s lives
(The stars will go out before I forget you, Mark Blackthorn)

Ty/Kit: LIKE THEY COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER SO WELL TY DOESN’T OPEN UP EASILY WHEREAS KIT DOES (he’s already attached to the Blackthorns) And Kit is so much more outgoing and cool and GAH its a great ship looking SO forward to TWP. (Srsly I have so much hopes for TWP cuz in my opinion TDA is a bit of a weak arc and the only redeeming characters seem to be Mark’s drama (I don’t think we’re going to see this in TWP I’m sad)

Gwyp/Diana: super cute and deserves more love

In conclusion:
I love Cassandra Clare’s style and how she can make character relationships insanely lovable. The fact that she always protects the characters all of us love from dying is great too. But @cassandraclare if you see this, please do consider these points made by a fangirl who is nitpicking a bit (I hope this series ends up as good as TID) for the greater good😂 (Also Diego/Kieran ain’t too bad of a ship either😏😂)

If you disagree with any of these, I am open to dicussions:) Just please don’t blindly hate on this: all of us are entitled to opinions, you have yours and I have mine. Let’s respect each other, okay?

anonymous asked:

Jily prompt: everyone's born with their soulmate's name tattooed on their wrist like a birthmark (found this au somewhere on tumblr cant remember where)

Found a link to the prompt here.

“So your soulmate’s name is Junks?” asks Mary, squinting at Lily’s wrist.

Lily frowns, tugging her sleeve over her wrist. She doesn’t normally have it on display, but since Mary revealed the name she had on her own body, she figures it’s a fair exchange. “I’m fairly certain that’s not actually what it says. They just seem to have horrible handwriting.”

“Or horrible parents,” Mary offers. “‘What a rubbish baby. Let’s name it after what it looks like.’”

Lily laughs, but kicks her. “Stuff it, MacDonald.”

Mary turns her gaze up to the ceiling of their flat. They sit side-by-side on Lily’s bed, leaning against the pillows. “S’pose it doesn’t matter if they’re unfortunate-looking. You’re predestined to love them.”

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Magic Fingers - A followup

So to the Nonny who asked if I was going to write more, I am sorry to have lied to you but I swear, at the time I had no intention on writing more. But then I got struck by an idea and like many seemed to want more for some reason? (Are the spa aus new coffee shop aus???) so yeah i did write more xD

There is is still 0% facials or spa-related stuff in it, but 100% panick-y Eggsy who thinks he has fucked up with 100% flustered Harry who thinks he has fucked up too.

@virgosista @gentlekingsmen @agent-eggy @lady-mephistopheles @insanereddragon @zombiisheep @agentdagonet

Magic Fingers - Followup

It is a complete coincidence that Roxy is still at the front desk when Mr Hart comes out to pay. The only reason she’s so sure that it is him while having never seen him before is only because she knows all the other clients that are around today. That and she has to admit Eggsy was right.

The man is very handsome.

However, he seems to have none of the confidence she had expected him to possess from everything Eggsy had been telling her for weeks now.

Not that he looks shy exactly as he walks up to the counter to pay, but rather sad and resigned.

What the hell happened in that room?

“I am terribly sorry to bother you with this, but could you be so kind and tell Eggsy that I am sorry to have put him in such an awkward position. I have no excuses for my behavior, just assurances that it won’t happen again and that I won’t be bothering him again. I can just hope I didn’t cause him too much distress.”

The only reason she gets away with staring blankly at the gentleman (in that suit, there is no way she can think of him as anything else) and doesn’t feel rude about it is because he is looking at anything but her.

“What?” She is usually far more eloquent than this, but Mr Hart is clearly becoming more and more nervous as she went without saying anything and she is still not sure what happened. Is she supposed to be mad at Harry or Eggsy right now?

The question makes Mr Hart look even more flustered if that was possible, but strangely enough, it’s also what makes him looks up to meet Roxy’s gaze for the first time.

She doesn’t know what he makes of her expression, but he nods at her like a man condemned before starting to explain.

“I know it wasn’t appropriate at all for me to ask him to dinner while he is working and I don’t kn-” He trails off before shaking his head. “No, I know exactly what made me forget myself and ask him out, but my feelings for him doesn’t entitle me to anything. I am sorry that he felt he had to flee the room, but I don’t blame him. Just tell him I am sorry to have misread the situation so completely and that he won’t have to worry about seeing me again, even at the cafe.”

The silence while she processes what Mr Hart is telling her must be getting to long for his comfort because he honest to god starts shuffling on his feet, like a schoolboy meeting the principal over a prank gone wrong.

“Of course, if there are any consequences to my harassment, I am not trying to escape them, all the contact information you need should be on file. I-”

As soon as she raises her hand, palm up, he stops talking and she feels kind of bad at the way he gulps, but it’s clear she has more urgent matter right now.

“Could you just please wait here for a moment sir?”

She’s never seen one, but she feels like this is what a man walking up to get executed would look like.

“It’s not, it’s not bad, just wait here.”

Her words don’t seem to reassure him, but her priority is to find Eggsy and shake some sense into his dumb head.

She doesn’t think Mr Hart would try to leave, he seems far too honorable for that, but she still stops Amelia in the corridor and asks her to make sure no one makes him pay and that he stays put. Who knows how long it will take her to convince Eggsy to get out of his hiding hole.

It takes a couple of minutes, but she finally finds him in a supply closet, hugging one of the very large and very soft towels to his chest.

He doesn’t seem to be having a panic attack, simply in need of some comfort and she takes a few calming breaths before going to sit down at his sides. She might want nothing more but to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he starts being sensible again, but she knows it won’t actually help either Eggsy or the poor Mr Hart.

“So mind telling me why you’ve just broken the heart of the bloke you’ve not shut up about since you first saw him?”

She nudges him gently with her elbow, but that only makes him curl up tighter around the towel.

“I’m such an idiot.”

There is a long silence, where she waits for him to expand on it, but it soon becomes clear that he’s not going to open up yet.

“I hope you’re not waiting on me to deny it, because you’ll be waiting a long time.”

“What? No, I wasn’t- I am an idiot.” He’s looking at her now and she would call it an improvement if only he wasn’t looking so much like a broken man. “I don’t know why I was thinking I could have something good…”

His words make her fear that maybe Mr Hart hasn’t been entirely honest with her, that more has transpired in that room then simply the gentleman asking Eggsy out for dinner and Eggsy fleeing the room, something far more “inappropriate” and if it is the case she will go back at the front and gut him with her bare hands.

Before she can do more than think it though, Eggsy continues and prevent her from maiming a man on a misunderstanding.

“The fantasy was nice, but really once we go to dinner, he’ll see I’m just a pretty face. Maybe good enough for a quick roll between the sheets, but that’s not what I want…”

He trails off before hiding his head again and the desire to shake him comes back even stronger.

“So wait let me get this straight. The man you have been talking with for months, and when I say talking, I do mean talking, the kind where he knows all about your obsession about musicals and where you know he’s got a dead dog in his loo,” she stops there for a moment, because she is still waiting for Eggsy to agree with her that the dog thing is fucking weird. But, he must still simply think it a cute gesture of a man who loved his canine companion very much even in death because he doesn’t say anything. “Anyway, that man you’ve nearly spend more time with than you did with me lately, for the first time you make a move so that the two of you would see each other somewhere else than that cafe. And not anywhere, but at your workplace. And the man comes, is clearly interested in you more than your sweet arse and when he invites you for dinner, you flee the room because you don’t want to be another notch on his bedpost? That’s what happened, right?”

“Yes- No- I… Roxy, I’m a sham, a fuckup, maybe he thinks he likes me, but once we’re on a date he’ll see me for who I really am and he won’t want anything to do with me. It’s better if I- Hey! Give that back!”

Instead of giving him back the towel she just wrenched away she throws it the other side of the room and puts her hands on Eggsy’s cheeks to force him to look at her.

“Gary Unwin, you are not a fuckup, nor are you a sham. Sure you had rough time, but when your mum got pregnant after your stepdad got sent to prison you turned your life around to provide for her and the baby instead of washing your hands off of both of them. You’ve got a steady job, you’re actually saving up now that you’ve paid your debts and your sister probably thinks you’ve hung the moon. Heck you probably would have if it wasn’t already up there if it meant she would smile. You’re sweet, you’re funny, you’re responsible and reliable. You might not have told him everything, but you haven’t been leading him on and you haven’t lied to him either. Sure either of you might realise it’s not doing it for you down the line, but that’s what dating is all about.”

Eggsy seems far calmer now, but it’s plain to her that he’s still not back to his confident self. His next words only confirm it.

“But I’ve never dated before… Not seriously.”

“Then tell him that. Seriously Eggsy, the man seemed more worried about you than anything else. If you weren’t interested, it wouldn’t matter but you are and he makes you happier than I’ve seen you in years.” Whenever he is back from one of his coffee non-date, he has the look she has titled the “Cloud Harry Look”. That he’s never complained about her teasing is enough to tell her he’s got more than just a simple crush on the man. “You deserve to be happy. And I might not know about Harry, but he deserves at least a chance.”

Eggsy closes his eyes, but he’s not trying to escape her this time, instead he leans closer until their foreheads are pressed together.

“You really think so?” She forgets sometimes how young he still is, that for all his bravado, he’s got his own insecurities. That sometimes, he needs to borrow others’ strengths too.

She forgets, but whenever she’s reminded, she’ll gladly lend him some of hers.

“I really do.” She breaks their hold, but just so she can press a kiss against his forehead. “Now go put that man out of his misery and enjoy a nice dinner, yeah?”

There is a new resolve shining in his eyes and he even manages a small smile before he gets up and help her to her feet.

She follows him out of the supply closet, but she lets him dash off alone to the front desk after he’s given her a quick hug.

She’s done whatever she could for him now. It’s his turn to work for his happiness.

Watching Extremis for the first time

(Spoilers below)

-Who’s narrating?

-If you serve as executioners to everything… then you execute flies and mosquitoes and stuff like that?

-”The destruction of a Time Lord–”
 STOP RIGHT THERE, AND DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME THE DOCTOR’S GONNA BE EXECUTED.

-Holy shit the Daleks are actually an impressive race, they killed a ton of those Time Lords that are supposedly so hard to kill

MISSY??

-WTF

-”I didn’t expect you.”
 Well then who’d you expect, some other Time Lord who miraculously survived the Time War?

-Ah, gotta love them Daleks with their gossipy mouths, spreading rumors everywhere.

Why is his suit so worn. I’m concerned.

-”They can’t know I’m blind, Missy. no one can know.”

-HA

-FUCKING FINALLY

-SO IT WAS MISSY ALL ALONG

-CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THOSE HUNDREDS, THOUSANDS, MAYBE EVEN HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF THEORISTS OUT THERE WHO GOT IT RIGHT

-”Please, I’ll do anything. Just let me live.”
 I…

-*phone notification jingle*
 wut

I DON’T LIKE THIS, I DON’T LIKE THE TITLE OF THAT EMAIL, OR THE COLOR OF THAT EMAIL, OR THE GALLIFREYAN LOADING BAR, OR THE GLITCHY GLITCH EFFECTS

Do all these people have fevers or is the weather just really hot??

-So I’m guessing he uses the shades to aid his vision now?

-Well, as long as he’s not completely in the black I’m fine

-”ve arrrre to com heerre dirrectly frrom the vaticaan”

-The pope???

-what is going on????!?!?!?

-”Pope Benedict. Lovely girl. What a night. I knew she was trouble, but she wove a spell with her castanets.“
 wut

-”The Pope doesn’t zoom round the world in the Popemobile, surprising people.“

-I am so confused and worried right now

I was kinda losing focus while reading the transcript of this episode and then BOOM, SUICIDE PICTURE FLASHES, WTF

-”Assume nothing. Assumption makes an ass out of you.”

-”I thought you’d moved out from here?
 “Yeah, slightly didn’t work out. Second attempt on the way.”

-”I don’t like knowing their names. I only get attached.”

-”Of course not. I have very strict rules about men.“
 “Probably not as strict as mine.”

-”Oh, I’m sorry. Here’s me thinking that she dragged some poor, terrified man home.“
 Poor lady doesn’t know what’s going on, but talk about getting out of a tight spot.

-My favorite scene in the episode so far omg

-Ah yes, Bill’s house pipes that always go VWOOOORP VWOOOOORP.

-”Well, whatever this is, and actually it’s not anything yet, it is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.”

Gotta love how them popes come with a pre-installed church organ sound effect

-I only understood one word that sounded like “Doctor”.

“You’re all going to hell.”

-I love Bill omfg

-”Pope Benedict said that you were more in need of confession than any man breathing. But when the offer was made, you replied it would take too much time. On behalf of the Catholic Church, the offer stands. You seem like a man with regret on his mind.“

-Well, that went down in a bad way…

The very fancy scifi watch hidden under the very fancy fantasy-ish robes

The Doctor suspects Darth Sidious is up to something.

-Nope, nevermind, that was Nardole.

oh

OHHH

-”Warning: I have full permission to kick your arse.”

-”Because I don’t like being worried about. Around me, people should be worried about themselves.“
“Yeah, shall I tell you the real reason?“
"No.“
"Because the moment you tell Bill, it becomes real. And then you might actually have to deal with it.”

-This episode is about as religious as Doctor Who gets, in my opinion.

…dafuq

-We all know who this looks like

-The library of Blasphemy, huh?
That’s quite some Hogwarts stuff there.

-”Harry Potter!”
THANK YOU BILL!

-"The layout is designed to confuse the uninitiated.”
"Sort of like religion, really.”
I can confirm this true, for reasons.
"You happy in those shades? Not dark enough for you?”
“In darkness, we are revealed.
Bill: When did he get so emo?

-”Well, take a few more minutes if you like. Knock yourself out. Actually do. Do that. Knock yourself right out.”
Pffft

That’s one great big hood you got there. But pray tell, how do you see what’s in front of you?

-well shit

-”Without hope. Without witness. Without reward.“
What?

-”You’d be wizard at writing Christmas crackers, you two.”

-I thought Christmas crackers were paper sausages with confetti inside them?

Alright, where’s the orange portal?

oHh my GOD

-FUCKING JUMPSCARES!

-”I think there’s someone in there.”
"Yeah, we are very slightly getting that.”

wHat TEH FUCk

-”Hey, there’s wifi down here!”
 “Of course there’s wifi. It’s a library.“

-”Reading chair with a safety belt?”

-Apologies if I seem to be taking too many quotes directly from the episode(s), but I just love the Series 10 dialogue okay

-THAT GUY SHOT HIMSELF

-”Because you’re sending us into the dark, after a man with a gun.“
 Not as dangerous if said man is dead…

-WEll Nardole got a little weird there

-Bill: *voice cracks* “nARdOLE”

-Nardole: *sees hand* *voice goes up by two octaves* “HIEWIEW”

That’s a pretty gun, but it wouldn’t do much damage in battle.

-”It would be stupid to go and look.” *goes to look*

-DON’T BURN THE DOCTOR’S BRAIN DON’T YOU DARE MOFFAT

-NOW THAT MOFFAT IS ACTUALLY WRITING THE EPISODES, I AM GOING TO BE DOUBLE WARY OF EVERYTHING

WHAT?!?!!

-WHAT THE EVERLOVING RASSILON FLIPPING A TABLE ON A HARLEY DAVIDSON?!?!?!

THE PENTAGON??

the flipping kind of videogame portal hub is this

Meanwhile, in another part of the world, aliens freak out as a bald head pops outta nowhere from the wall of their living room.

-”Cardinal, it worked. I can see.”
 Yes!

-”Not well enough, not yet.”
 Okay…

-”The thing about the universe is, whatever you need, you can always borrow, as long as you pay it back. I just borrowed from my future. I get a few minutes of proper eyesight, but I lose something. Maybe all my future regenerations will be blind. Maybe I won’t regenerate ever again. Maybe I’ll drop dead in twenty minutes.”
 NO!

-”You know, I’ve read a lot of books that this chair would be quite useful for. Moby Dick. Honestly, shut up, and get to the whale.“
 omfg

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD OF GROOT AND A SILENT

-”This is not a game.”
 “This is a game.”

-Why is that CERN scientist so excited, and more importantly, why does he seem drunk and why is everyone in the cafeteria so gloomy?

WELL THAT ANSWERS THE LAST QUESTION

Reading a legendary script on Microsoft Word.

-(On an unrelated note, I was saving these screenshots and naming them as each alphabet. The one right above happens to be Z.)

-(Could be some other text program but that’s what I think)

-So the screen was getting blurry not because the BBC didn’t want us to commit suicide but because the Doctor was going blind again

-GEEZ THOSE MONKS ARE CR-REEPY ASSES

-THEY’D DO WELL IN A HORROR GAME

Don’t you dare tell me the whole first half of Series 6 was set in a fake world or virtual reality or something like that

-Were those white things all portals to a virtual world

-At least Bill and Nardole got out safely.

-”Are you okay?”
 “nOOO - Yes. NooO

“Could be the Doctor.”

-Let’s hope not

-Let’s really, really hope not.

-”They’re projecting everything.”
 CALLED IT

-AND THE PEOPLE IN THE HOLOGRAMS REALIZED THEY LIVE IN HOLOGRAMS?!?!

-But what if??

-What if our lives are really just holograms

-(I went on Omegle to get a stranger to think of a random number, but ended up answering questions about English)

-(This one person was asking “what does ‘single out’ mean”)

-”You know, like the holodeck on Star Trek, or a really posh VR without a headset. Through there, those places, that’s basically Grand Theft Auto.”

-More and more references each episode, huh, BBC?

I uh… happened to pause here so…

-”Please don’t let me be right.”

-Oh shizzles

WHAT IN THE NAME OF A RANDOM DALEK

-NARDOLE IS NOT REAL??

-WHAT IF BILL ISN’T REAL??

-WHAT THE EFF??????!??!?!

Why did the blood change color?

-’Total communication blackout at the White House’? hat happened?

-Did all the people in the White House commit suicide and how did the Doctor come here?

-Ah, the portal yes…

-cold fraggling shizzles…..

-”The Veritas tells of an evil demon who wants to conquer the world. But to do it, he needs to learn about it first. So he creates a shadow world, a world for him to practise conquering, full of shadow people who think they’re real.”

-OUR WORLD IS A SIMULATION GAME FOR HIGHER BEINGS, CONFIRMED

The screen ‘popped’ a bit here - it shook a little as if it zoomed slighly in then back out very quickly, accompanied by a tapping sound as if someone had knocked (into) it. Not sure if others saw this too or if it’s something with the site that I’m watching this on.

-Okay, I’m watching the Doctor explain this shit to Bill, and I’m having about as much of a crisis as Bill here

-And then the Super Mario mention though

-Please don’t tell me the past six episodes were holograms

-”A puppet Doctor for you to practice killing.”

-The Doctor Puppet account was worried about that line, yes

-Was that the email he got at the beginning of the episode??

wHOA chill please

At least the last six episodes weren’t all fake.

-Then when did the hologram-reality start?

-”It means I’m a scary, handsome genius from space and I’m telling you no, she’s not out of your league.”

-”I have the feeling that we’re going to be very busy. Call her tonight.“
 Aww

-I hope Bill actually gets a girlfriend sometime this season

o i   g e t   o f f

-wHAT

*insert relatable quote about Monday mornings*

Some fast fingerwork there… NO I DID NOT INTEND TO SOUND LIKE THAT

-The guy is becoming uneasier by the second

-I don’t like the whirring sound??

-How are they gonna move her to the box in the middle of the water

It ends here?!

-Oh yeah right… They’re supposed to be a three-parter. Followed by another three-parter to finish off the season.

-Welp, looking forward to the next episode and possibly a lot more things to freak out over!

So Desperate For A Dog, He Accidentally Kidnaps One | Phan Tweet Dabble

Summary: If the dog makes it into their flat on its own, is it really so bad for Dan to stall and enjoy having a dog for a little while?

Word count: 800

Genre: Domestic fluff

No warnings

Read more from the collection of tweet-based Phan dabbles here

Based on the following tweet:

Also available on AO3

7th of March 2017

It was an honest mistake really, besides was dognapping even a thing?

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Not much had changed since the incident (and really it wasn’t much of an incident at all ) Y/N seemed to shrug it off as something all friends do for each other.  Though Harry wished that this would have led into something more, he knows it was just wistful thinking and knew he had to get over it. They’re adults kind of – casual blowjobs shouldn’t be out of their vocabulary. 

or

Harry likes Y/N and things get not so friendly after awhile

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