you shall be the end of me

anonymous asked:

I was binge watching Freddieismyqueen, and can we just, talk about how crazy UAN era Larry was? Like, Jesus Christ it's like watching porn.

LISTENNNN. It has been ages since I received an ask like this and now you shall all pay. 

Originally posted by 1dlarryluv

EXCUSE ME SIR.

Originally posted by 2dlarry

Iconic.

Originally posted by lhrry

It hurts.

Originally posted by 1dlarryluv

Originally posted by thestylinsongifs

THIS THING. WTF??? ‘OH HELLO I’M SO RELIEVED YOU CAME BACK TO ME SINCE YOU WERE SO FAR AWAY FROM ME ON THE OTHER! SIDE! OF THE STAGE!”

Originally posted by stylinson-crew

LOUIS UR HAND. PLS!

Originally posted by lhrry

Originally posted by 1dlarryluv

pORN!

Originally posted by pitchblackorpale

Beginning of the show…

Originally posted by yslandvanstrash

End of tHE SHOW. RIP.

Originally posted by youfuckingloosah

REST IN FUCKING PEACE. 

Imagine Bangtan: Tattoo Artist & Piercer! Jeon Jungkook

Hey guys! So, this is going to be a different profession AU! for all of Bangtan~

I hope you enjoy it!!! 

Yoongi | Namjoon | Hoseok | Jimin | Yoongi | Taehyung

Originally posted by jeony

Okay so, this is how I see it going

  • After you’re done with your exams and shit, you made this plan to fulfill your dream of getting a tattoo and extra ear piercings
  • So you ask around for a good place to go to and book an appointment with the best guy there
  • After a couple of drinks and some encouraging pep talks from your friends, you decide to head out a bit early, just to make sure you aren’t late
  • And you’re sitting in the waiting room when you see him
  • He’s got the most beautiful tattoos all over his right hand, covering the length of it and his piercings shine under the lighting, making you blush furiously
  • Because how the actual fuck can a guy look that hot?!?!!? I know this is a cringe line but someone needs to arrest him for being so hot like wtaf
  • This had by far got to be the most handsome man you’ve ever seen in your life and you’re practically drooling
  • And then he gives you a heart attack by walking towards you
  • You’re internally freaking out like ‘why is a hot guy walking towards me???’
  • And he’s like, “Y/N?” leaving you super confused but you nod your head yes and he smiles softly at you before being all swag like, “Okay hon, let’s get you pierced and tattooed up, shall we?”

Keep reading

my older sister advice today is a little more serious because just today i learned some more facts than i have in a great while, and this leads to the conclusion that i shall share with you:

don’t screw with drugs

drugs are like the bad boy equivalent of a man who looks appealing because ‘hey he knows how to live life he can teach me how to live’ but instead you end up in a motel and broke because he took your money for bologna and now he expects y'all to get it on in the lice-infested bed even though you been working your ass off trying to make it so the both of you aren’t homeless

then he breaks up with you and is like “sorry babe you’re always working and im so lonely and tiffany is great and im just not attracted to you any more” like??? bitch i didn’t realize i was the placeholder for a sex toy!! fuck!!

instead you get yourself a husband who wears sweaters, okay? a man who loves you and kisses your forehead and helps you pay the mortgage and y'all can sleep in a bed with fresh sheets that smell like downy okay

out of the two pick the husband

don’t mess with drugs okay

the-caws-meow  asked:

I have a cute Davepeta memory for you!!! One time, Roxy let me do her hair! And I decided to make like, a bunch of tiny braids that stuck up and went everywhere. She rocked the look for a few days and it was magnificent. In return she did mine like how she kept hers but it wouldn't stay because my hair was extremely short at that point so we actually glued sequins on the ends of my hair. The clacking drove most of everyone mad so I made sure to be an ass and "accidentally" shake my head a lot

ok so 

this is my favorite thing ever and I’ve loved reading it whenever I visit my inbox but I just had to do a thing so here

Hope these are ok!!! (I had to draw them during class I just couldn’t not draw it lmao)

9

Ok this blog is not about politics, but somehow it’s about my life.
So here I am, living in Russia, the country of beautiful people: talented musicians, artists, dancers, doctors, teachers and all other professionals who know how to be a good person and how to do things right.

But the rest of the world judge us just by one politician. Radical, homophobic, aggressive. The world says - that’s their leader as a representation of the nation. So let me show you what our nation is.

Today, on March 26, we had meeting protests against the government throughout the country in 99 (!) cities and towns. People were clamoring against the system and corruption with slogans ‘Russia shall be free’, ‘Russia without Putin’, ‘The criminal has to go to the prison’. In Brazil or South Korea that would end for the government in a fair law court…  But what we got as a feedback? When thousands of unarmed russians went to the street to shout out for justice, thousands of policeman and soldiers started to arrest them. There was no exception for women, children or oldman. I was there, in the heart of Moscow, protesting with others. 

And here I want to say that it literally hurts me when I see in social networks like tumblr all the hatred adressed to Russia. When you are afraid of russians, when you think of us as rude homophobic savages who barely know what civilization and human rights is.

Please
, try to look deeper on what happens here.
We are people. And we need your support. 

As a bonus, photos from another date in St. Petersburg

F. Scott Fitzgerald for the Signs
  • Aries: "The fire blazing in her dark and injured heart seemed to glow around her like a flame."
  • Taurus: "We’ll survive, you and I."
  • Gemini: "There were girls who would tear you apart with their lips."
  • Cancer: "Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they’re born."
  • Leo: "I love her and that’s the beginning and end of everything."
  • Virgo: "Whatever I am, you did it."
  • Libra: "Beauty means the scent of roses and then the death of roses."
  • Scorpio: "The sadness of the past is with me always."
  • Sagittarius: "I want excitement; and I don’t care what form it takes or what I pay for it, so long as it makes my heart beat."
  • Capricorn: "All life is just a progression toward and then a recession from one phrase— I love you."
  • Aquarius: "I shall go on shining as a brilliantly meaningless figure in a meaningless world."
  • Pisces: "She looks at him once more, with infinite longing, infinite sadness."
snippet from LoS 5/23/17

Snippet from Lord of Shadows - unexpected alliances…


Lord of Shadows

Kieran muttered something under his breath and said, “I will swear loyalty to Mark. I will do as he bids me do, and follow the Nephilim for his sake. And I shall argue with Prince Adaon for your cause, though it is his choice in the end.”

Something flickered in Julian’s eyes. “No,” he said. “You will not do this for Mark.”

Mark looked at his brother, startled; Kieran’s expression tensed. “Why not Mark?”

“Love complicates things,” said Julian. “An oath should be free of entanglements.”

Kieran looked as if he might explode. His hair had gone com- pletely black. With an angry look at Julian, he strode toward the Shadowhunters—and knelt in front of Cristina.

Everyone looked surprised, none more than Cristina. Kieran tossed his dark hair back and looked up at her, a challenge in his eyes. “I swear fealty to you, Lady of Roses.”

  • Me: You know what? I'm tired of hiding my love for my otps, I'm tired of always hiding in fear of being judged because I ship the gay. I WON'T STAND FOR THIS ANYMORE. THIS. ENDS. NOW. From now on we shall stand, we shall print fanart on our shirts, we will put fanart on our phone, we will put the otp as our lock screen and not care who sees! We will-
  • Person: Hey can I borrow your phone?
  • Me: *erases files of otps, swipes away the saved fan fiction, exits out of Ao3, AFF, F.net, Wattpad, and Devianart, changes lock screen to generic flowers, changes home screen to generic cheesy quote, deletes tumblr and instagram*
  • Me: *cough* Of course

(Unfortunately our consistent party tends to be just three people: myself, my husband, and a friend of ours. When I’m DM, I’m almost constantly caught off guard by the things my players do. Even when I go out of my way to try and come up with every possible thing they could do, they manage to do something unexpected. Here’s a few examples…)

Bear Hunting

(Story is an elven man is a mentor to a young human boy. His parents died under mysterious circumstances; everyone believes a bear killed his parents. After some investigating, it was determined that the elven man killed both parents with arrows to the heart, on account of they were going to sell their son into slavery. This follows.)

Husband: I let the elf go and go hunting.

Me: Uh, okay. What are you hunting for?

Husband: A bear.

Me: ….. *retrieves Bestiary* Ooookay then…

(He eventually succeeds in killing two bears, then brought one to the boy as ‘the one that killed his parents’. I actually, honestly expected him to kill the elf mentor…)

Overreacting

(A young boy is causing a scene in a city, harassing some guards. My players come and get the situation calmed, getting the guards to leave. It turns out that the boy’s father was a wizard who was wrongfully executed and he’s taking out his anger on the guards. Then this happens…)

Me: The boy, still distraught, casts Magic Missile at (husband). Take 2 damage.

Husband: Ow.

Friend (a ninja): I jump kick the boy in the head.

Me: ….what.

Friend: *hard stare*

Me: …. (We roll appropriately) He takes 12 nonlethal damage and is knocked unconscious.

Friend: *to my husband, in character* Shall I dispatch this miscreant for you, master?

Husband: NO.

Brothel Battle

(A slaver ship captain is in a brothel. I expected the players to just wait on the docks for him to return. Instead, they split up and end up at the brothel together. One is an Inquisitor (husband), the other is a vigilante (friend). Both are male. I fully expect both of them to enter as patrons. Instead…)

Friend: I disguise myself as a woman named ‘Rose’.

Me: …..Okay.

Husband: *shaking head*

Friend: I go inside and pretend to be looking for a job.

(We RP him approaching the Madame, and her offering rates and such things for 'Rose’. Note that the vigilante’s hero name is “The Wild Rose”, the brothel’s name is “The Blooming Rose”, and the Madame’s name is “Rosa”. The place is also heavily guarded by false patrons wearing masks. Husband comes in as a patron looking for a woman of Rose’s exact description, so he’s escorted to her room as her first patron. Then they just wait in the room for the man they suspect to be the captain to come by. After actually yanking him into the room when he turned down Rose’s advances [he preferred strong women, but Rose was dainty and childlike], they fight, and win. However, an alert goes up. I expect the pair to jump out the window. Instead…)

Husband: I run out of the room and around the corner, duck into another room, and cast Invisibility on myself.

Friend: I scream and pretend (Inquisitor) killed my customer.

(They proceeded to escape and even took the captain’s boots before they left, both of them invisible at this point.)

A Whole New Use for Bear Traps

(Same as the previous game, the two are sneaking around the house of a rich family and spot bear traps in the garden. I expect them to either move the traps, spring them, or ignore them. Instead…)

Friend: I PICK UP THE BEAR TRAPS.

Me: ….Okay, you do so.

(Few moments later, after a successful perception check to notice footsteps nearby…)

Me: You hear someone sneaking around.

Friend: …..I HOLD THE BEAR TRAPS IN MY HANDS AND READY AN ATTACK.

Me: …..WHY.

(It was an ally of theirs sneaking around, but he barely managed to NOT get her head stuck in a bear trap. Later on he used them again on a guard. Rather than roll damage, I just accepted it as the guard died instantly. For his sake…)

Being Alexander Hamilton's Child would include...

Originally posted by purelintrash


Being Alexander Hamilton’s Child would include (Modern)….

  • Alexander first got news of your birth during a vicious  argument with Tjeffs
  • “Shut up you french loving hoe! I have to go witness the miracle of life!”
  • “We’ll finish this later, Jefferson!”
  • Him knocking down several nurses on his way to the delivery room
  • “S-Sorry on my way way to meet my kid!”
  • “I’ll clean that up later! I promise!”
  • He got there in record time
  • Him passing out while witnessing your birth
  • Philip handled it better than him
  • Him and Eliza smiling at each other lovingly as they hold you
  • “What shall we name her/him, Alexander?
  • “How about (Y/n)?”
  • “That sound perfect,”
  • Him showing you off to his friends
  • Laf and Herc arguing about who the godfather was going to be
  • Laurens ended up being your godfather and Angelica  you’re godmother
  • “I’m gonna be the godfather!”
  • “No mon ami i’m gonna be the godfather!”
  • “Alexander!!!”
  • “John, me and Alexander would like you and Angelica to be the godparents,”
  • “It would be my honor Eliza”
  • Him not having a problem staying up late to watch you
  • (It’s not like he sleeps anyway)
  • “I won’t let anyone hurt you,”
4

“If this word should turn out to be a ‘Te moriturum saluto,’ perhaps it will brighten the dark moments a little to think how you have meant to someone more than anything ever has or ever will. What you have striven for will not end in nothing, all that you have done and been will not be wasted, for it will be a part of me as long as I live, and I shall remember, always.”

―Vera Brittain to Roland Leighton, 26th September 1915.

Wallah one day you’ll stand in front of you Creator and you shall be questioned about every single thing you’ve done in your life and it’ll be different from the way you’ve been questioned on this dunya, you can’t run away you cannot lie, you cannot hide, you cannot even speak! Your skin your hands your eyes your ears your body parts will be speaking for you as witnesses. What have you touched that disobeyed your Lord what have you listened to that would displease Allah, what have you said that was against the words of the Above, where have your two feet taken you, a place that would please Allah or have you sinned instead? Ask me about my good deeds and I’ll remain silent and ask me about my sins and I promise I will not be able to count that which I remember leave alone that which I’ve forgotten about! Oh that day we shall see how we’ve been destroying ourselves and saw it all as pleasure, see how much pain it caused us not only in our hereafter but right now in this world, open your eyes and focus more on yourself, you shall see that Allah never needed you once you look back at your life when it has ended you’ll ask Allah, beg Him to return even if it was only a day just to worship Him a little more. Here’s a reminder to go and ask for His forgiveness for the sins you’ve committed knowingly and unknowingly, remember you’ve been put here for a reason, guard your hayaa , your modesty and humble yourself. Be kind and smile, forgive and move on, leave the past where it is for you cannot go back and times doesn’t wait for you. Read your Qur'ān before you sleep, wake up for fajr and perform your wudhu. Don’t rush your prayers and staying longer in sujud, listen more to Qur'ān and leave alone music, if we only spent the amount of time we spent on listening to music and talk/ do unnecessary things and learn our deen, how simple would it be to win Allah’s happiness and be happy ourselves! You don’t understand what favor you do yourself, your soul belongs to Allah and it yearns for its Creator, give it what it wants and you shall not regret. Wake up sister, wake up brother. It is time to wake up.

anonymous asked:

Tell me about the domestic house cat.

Long ago in a kingdom by the Nile, a people cried out to their gods in anguish. A plague of rats, rats and mice and vermin of every shape, had devoured the grain and robbed the people of their dinners.

One god heard them, Bast, and tasted the meat and smoke of their offerings. She went up into the desert and found a pride of lions.

“Give unto me your smallest cub,” said the goddess, “that I may make an end of this plague.”

“Goddess,” said the lionesses, “surely you deserve the strongest and largest of our young for this divine mission.”

But Bast paid no heed, and took with her the weakling cub, so much smaller than her brothers and sisters.

“Blessed are thee, small daughter of the lionesses, above all others. Though you are small, you shall be brave. Once thought weak, you will be made strong, and entire kingdoms will sing songs of your greatness.”

And such is the wisdom of the gods, who make their greatest triumphs out of those who seem most unworthy. The small lion became a cat, with a goddesses blessing and a hunter’s heart, and soon the waters of the Nile ran red with the blood of the vermin.

For the smallest of lions is still a lion. For a small hunter is still a hunter. And the least among us are not to be underestimated.

In which I seduce the villain of a side quest

Context: So this is the same Mae Gjallarfjall who seduced the pirate captain on the first game. In a later session, we have arrived at the capital of Fountland, which will serve as our base of operations for most of the campaign. The party decided to run some sidequests to make some cash and possibly find some loot. So we pick two bounties that are the opposite of each other. One is a dude who wants help fighting off an army of 5000 people, and the other is the army of 5000 looking for more help. Our way of completing both was… unusual.

DM: So, you guys arrive at the camp of five thousand men. One of them turns to you guys and asks “Who the fuck are you?”

Me (OOC): I pull out the job poster and tell him I’m looking for his leader.

DM: He points you the right way and wishes you luck.

Me (OOC): We continue on to the tent and I walk in without announcing myself.

DM: You find Meb in her tent, barely clothed and sitting on a throne made of men. She looks at you as you approach.

Me (OOC): I roll Persuasion to sway my hips seductively as I continue forward. *rolls +2 and ties Meb’s Initiative check*

DM: She raises an eyebrow at you and smiles. She greets you and demands that you state your business.

Me: *holding up her Help Wanted poster* I came to see about your job offer. You have five thousand men at your disposal against a single enemy, and yet you cannot best him? Why?

DM (as Meb): Ah, yes, I and my… rival, shall we say, have a contract in place. I’m only allowed to send one soldier per day.

Me: And for what ends?

DM (as Meb): To steal a cow.

Me: What’s so special about this cow? Can’t you just buy it from him? If you have the money for an army, surely you can buy a cow.

DM (as Meb): It’s a really nice cow. And he won’t sell it to me.

Me: Well, if you haven’t already sent your soldier for the day, I’ll go next and end this whole feud.

DM (as Meb): I like the sound of that. For now, find yourself a tent and rest up for the night. He’s tougher than you may think.

The rest of the party salutes and turns to leave.

Me (OOC): As I turn and walk out, I roll Persuasion again to sway my hips. *Rolls +3 and successfully seduces Meb*

DM (as Meb): Except you. *pointing at me* You stay. You’ve caught my eye… What’s your name, hun?

Me: Name’s Mae Gjallarfjall. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

DM (as Meb): Oh, we’re going to be far more than mere “acquaintances.“ (OOC): Roll Initiative.

Me (OOC): *critfail*

DM to me: You fail to notice her grab a whip from her throne as she steps towards you.

The rest of the party, meanwhile, comes up with a plan to con Meb by disguising Paladin’s horse as the beautiful cow. In the morning, McCooly (the dude with the cow) would feign loss and run away with the real cow, giving the horse to Meb as per the feud contract. I, however, was getting laid, so I missed all of this.

DM: It is morning! Cocka-doodle-doo! The cow says "Moo!” McCooly is waiting in his usual spot just between his ranch and Meb’s camp. Mae, you wake up very sore but strangely refreshed.

Me: Welp, time to take care of this job. (OOC): Doot doot doot. I head out to where McCooly is.

DM: He charges you with a very predictable path at a very slow speed, and winks at you. Initiative.

Me: *+2 Initiative, +3 Block*

DM: You successfully block. He says “Oh no, you are so fast! How did you ever see my attack coming?”

Me (OOC): I punch him right in the face with Storm Fist. *Rolls +2 for contact and +5 for damage, fail the stun chance, but land the cooldown reset*

DM: He looks at you funny and whispers at you “What are you doing, you’re supposed to go easy!” He then swings his spear at you again. It is very easy to read.

Me (OOC): *+1 Initiative* I notice, and +2 Block.

DM: You block again, and he says “Well, I guess I don’t have to hold back either.” He’s trying to shiv you with the spear. Initiative.

Me (OOC): *Same rolls as lats time.*

DM: You do NOT block, and you get shivved for 7 damage.

Me (OOC): That’s 3 after armor, I take it as HP. My turn?

DM: Yes.

Me (OOC): I’m going to poke him right under the jaw in that soft spot between the bone.

DM: I guess that counts as Bare Knuckle. Roll.

Me: *connects and does 5 damage* And now, I spend a fate chip to instantly reset the cooldown of Fist of Havoc, and I’m Smashing. *rolls 36 damage*

DM: …aw… why? You killed McCooly. He’s like, the coolest NPC ever, man.

Me (OOC): Afterwards I roll First Aid to keep him from being completely dead.

DM: So after he wakes up, he shakes your hand and compliments your strength, and hands you 90 gold to split between the three of you. He then takes the fake cow over to Meb and hands it over. Meb then tosses you an additional 90 gold to split, and blows a kiss at Mae.

New Avenger

Request:

Hello! Request for an Avengers x reader where the reader is a new avenger and the team discusses what they think if her. The reader is really positive and bubbly!            


Thor has created a chatroom: What doth we think of Lady Y/N?

Thor has invited Clint, Bruce, Tony, Natasha, Steve.

Clint: Are we gossiping? We’re so gossiping.

Thor: I merely wish to know your opinions of her.

Clint: GOSSIP

Thor: Wherefore art thee like this?

Steve: I think she’s a very intelligent woman with exceptional fighting skills who makes a great addition to our team. Not only is she a remarkable agent, she is a lovely person too, very sweet!

Tony: yes

Steve: Really, Tony? That’s ALL you have to say?

Tony: You already said everything there is to say??? Jeez. I agree with you.

Natasha: She’s like sunshine embodied…

Clint: Natasha and Steve ARE IN LOVE with Y/N. SPREAD THE GOSSIP! It’s a LOVE TRIANGLE.

Thor: Cease this unbecoming behavior right now!

Natasha: Never change, Clint.

Bruce: I agree with Nat. It’s so nice having Y/N around!

Clint: LOVE SQUARE!

Thor: IT’S TIME TO STOP.

Clint: NO.

Thor: YES.

Clint:NO. Huh! Italicized and bolded, beat that!

Thor: Hmmm… Let’s see … THEE SHALT CEASE ACTING LIKE THIS OR I WILT ANNIHILATE THY GAMING BOX AT ONCE!

Clint: Look, he has threatened my LIFE in front of you all!

Steve: Simmer down, Barton.

Keep reading

Viktor and Yuuri do an engagement photoshoot after the season ends and after they get officially engaged. I say ‘officially engaged’ because Viktor thinks they’ve been engaged this whole time, but Yuuri Katsuki probably won’t accept anything other than Viktor getting down on one knee in front of God and everybody and carefully announcing the words, “Yuuri Katsuki. Yes, you. Love of my life. Light of my world. Will you marry me? As in be my husband? As in be bonded to me by the rite of holy matrimony for as long as we both shall live?”

So they do an engagement photo shoot once all of this happens, mostly because their fans cry ugly tears at them over multiple social media platforms until they do it, but also because Phichit has this Shiny New Photography Degree that he’s aching to do something with, and because they both agree that they want something to remember the whole thing by.

And of course, the whole world is going wild imagining what Viktor “Extra” Nikiforov’s engagement pictures will look like. There will be skates. There will be gold medals. There will be costumes with either sequins or feathers or maybe both. The eye make-up will be able to kill a man and it will look like a Cirque du Soleil publicity release. There might be doves? Probably artificial snow. Will Katsuki even be IN them or will it just be Nikiforov, standing there and looking profoundly and intensely Russian.

When the photos are finally released, they are posted very quietly to Instagram at one o’clock in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Phichit posts the whole roll on an account he has exclusively for his more professional photography; they are all captioned, “Celebrating the engagement of my two good friends and two good people, Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov.”

They aren’t what anyone was expecting.

The pictures are taken in the Saint Petersburg flat. Yuuri and Viktor are both barefoot in most of the pictures. They are wearing matching sweaters, both in subtle and calm shades of blue. Black jeans. In one picture, Yuuri is kissing Viktor’s cheek and Viktor is looking at the camera with soft eyes and soft mouth and imperfect hair. In another, Yuuri is sitting on the couch with Makkachin draped over his lap; Viktor is standing behind with his arms braced on the back, almost like he’s presenting them; this is them, my little family, the two beings in the world who mean the most to me. 

The picture that gets the most likes–the only one that Yuuri reposts; the only one that Viktor cross posts to all of his social media; the one that ends up being printed out and hung in apartments and houses around the world, from Hasetsu to Saint Petersburg to Bangkok–is taken on the little balcony off their bedroom. The sun is setting, and Viktor has Yuuri between himself and the railing. They are facing away from the camera. Phichit told them to hold their rings up to the sun, and they did. The shot is done over Viktor’s shoulder–silver hair, the top of a raven-haired head, and two hands stretching out towards the sky, rings glinting gold.

2

JuminV Week - Day 7 | Spring

For @juminvweek

I TRIED TO BE AESTHETIC OK– Lets end the juminv week with some bittersweet moment shall we because that is what this relationship all about anyway- //slapped Ahhh finally done- Not like what I expect it to be but I am just super tired and I really want to complete this event so–
Damn the week is over and so my life 

Thank you to the wonderful mods, Honestly I love all the prompt, its well picked and choosen //yes
I am happy to be able to complete this, and I hope by the time the next JuminV week I am still in the fandom to angst once more

But but juminzen week is comingggg and I am still considering whether to join or not hhfhfhfhf

Nothing to look forward anymore but in case you guys havent see my previous submission, link is down below~ wwww

LIST :

Day 01 | Day 02 | Day 03 | Day 04 | Day 05 | Day 06 | Day 07

Rolling for "AC"

Our party is playing a homebrew D&D and basically no one is all that serious and the DM allows a lot of stuff to happen. We are tasked with awakening metal dragons to aide in exterminating the overpopulation of chromatic dragons. A series of unfortunate events lead us to discovering a potion allowing for speaking and understanding draconic, thus allowing for us to awaken a gold dragon.
DM (dragon): You wish me to help you, and what do you offer as sacrifice?
Otter-folk Paladin: *rummaging bag* shiny pearl?
dragon: you offer me mere food, you must be joking?
As the party thinks of something valuable to offer…
Me (male weapons master Nephilim)ooc: I roll to seduce the dragon *nat20, cue party dying of laughter*
I’m then dragged and carried to the front and held up like an offering.
DM: …I mean the cave is decorated with fine art, and this is what you decided on… Fine, you draw the dragon’s attention.
dragon: I will take that one in exchange
Me: After you help our cause! Do we have a deal?
dragon: yes, I suppose that will do. The rest of you may wait outside the chamber, and you (me) shall stay here.
-cut to scene-
DM: Upon returning, the dragon transforms into *rolls* wow, ok. It transforms into an male adonis-like elf, but he keeps the dragon D.
Me ooc: wait what?! gawd is this what I think is gonna happen? -_-
DM: Roll for anal circumference, d100 = cm.
Me:…93?!
(in another campaign, the alternate meaning was used to explain me missing a few sessions as me being kidnapped by a frisky golem… I also ended up rolling high, RIP)

littyr  asked:

what do you think drives lady macbeth's cruelty and do you sympathise with her at all?

This post and this post might be of interest. But I think ‘cruelty’ is the wrong word. Cruelty implies violence for the sake of violence and enjoyment of violence. (See here.) Lady M doesn’t revel in the violence. She doesn’t delight in it the way some of the characters in, say, Titus Andronicus do, or even Margaret in Henry VI does after the murder of Rutland/during the murder of York. For Lady M violence is always a means to an end. “Infirm of purpose” is what she calls her husband when he starts to get faint-hearted. He’s too full of the milk of human kindness “to catch the nearest way.” For her, it’s all about the outcome. The ends justify the means. Like I said in one of those posts, I think her driving force is ambition. She wants more than what she has. 

Interestingly, she never expresses any personal desire to be queen. She does, however, use the singular possessive pronoun ‘my’ when she says “The raven himself is hoarse / That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan / Under my battlements.” She claims the crime as her own, and even though the idea of murder occurs to her and her husband independently, she is the criminal mastermind. She says,you shall put / This night’s great business into my dispatch; / Which shall to all our nights and days to come / Give solely sovereign sway and masterdom.” And at the end of the scene: “Leave all the rest to me.” This regicide is her baby–and I use that word very deliberately. There are a million possible explanations for why Lady Macbeth is so desperate to seize this power for her husband. My guess is it has something to do with that baby she mentions in 1.7 which doesn’t appear in the play. A woman’s function at this point in history was basically to be a baby-making machine and ensure the survival of her husband’s line. She hasn’t been able to do that (for whatever reason) and her husband, at least, is already middle-aged, so that procreation window is rapidly closing, if it’s not closed already. By early modern standards, that’s a huge dynastic failure. My guess is that her power-grabbing is about agency and compensation. Maybe she can’t continue Macbeth’s line, but she can make him king. And she does

But here’s the other part of it which I think is really important and often gets overlooked, and it goes back to the fact that Lady M never expresses a personal desire to be queen. She wants her husband to be king, and she thinks he is fully deserving of that office. “Thou wouldst be great;” she says, “Art not without ambition, but without / The illness should attend it.” AND THIS IS SO KEY. Because Lady M is nothing if not full of ambition. What she’s saying here is “You don’t have enough darkness in your soul to do this, so I’m going to do it for you.” Now. Is that somewhat fucked up? Absolutely. However, that is an enormous sacrifice to make. I’m not going to get into this in depth, but there’s a lot of natural law theory floating around in this play. What’s important to know is this: In the protestant ethos of this play, if you commit regicide, you are 100% going to be damned for eternity. There’s no doubt about that. So, in an insane backwards way, this is actually an incredibly loving, selfless thing to do on Lady M’s part. She is willing to sacrifice her own salvation to make her husband king. Let that sink in. That is so much more hardcore than just saying, “I’d take a bullet for you, babe.” She is willing to burn for all time to put him on the throne, and not only is she willing, but it’s her idea, not just something she does with her back against the wall. That is a crazy kind of love. And that’s one of my favorite things about this play. This is not a unanimous opinion by any means, but I firmly believe that even though the Macbeths are terrible tyrannical people, they are desperately, devotedly in love with one another. Their language is incredibly intimate. In his first letter Macbeth addresses his wife as “My dearest partner of greatness,” and throughout the play they are constantly struggling to help and heal one another. Theirs is a relationship built on love and equality, whatever else they do (and however their relationship is also sometimes toxic and fractures through the play). Look at Macbeth’s conversation with the doctor in 5.3 when his wife’s health begins to fail: “ If thou couldst, doctor, cast / The water of my land, find her disease, / And purge it to a sound and pristine health, / I would applaud thee to the very echo, / That should applaud again.” That. Is. Love.

So. Why does Lady Macbeth do the terrible things she does? There’s no certain answer. Ambition has a lot to do with it. But I think that ambition is rooted in guilt about what she hasn’t been able to provide her husband with, and a passionate yearning to make up for that, somehow. Leo’s character says in Inception that positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time, and I think that’s true here. Lady M doesn’t orchestrate Duncan’s murder because she’s inherently cruel. She does it for love.