you say

WWE Warforged Wrestling Entertainment

CONTEXT: 4 man party into a corroded farmhouse turned swamp with a plant that hosted corpses nearby. After making constant dex saves and plowing through doors. I’m playing a warforged paladin with built in armor that weighs a little under 800 pounds. What happens next may not be expected

DM: You make your way down the stairs first, testing the strength of each step beneath your weight. Make a dex save every 5 feet down.

Warforged(me): *rolls above 10 most of the way down* Not to worry citizens, I will give my life before you!

Rogue: What if that thing controlling the corpses is causing this house to crumble?

DM: You hear an eerie screech echoing from somewhere below you.

Warforged (OOC): Now you’ve done it…

DM: Everyone make a dex reflex save

Rogue: *rolls 12*

Ranger: *rolls 14*

Wizard: *rolls 4*

Warforged: *rolls 20*

DM: Both the (Rogue) and (Ranger) keep their balance, however (Wizard) starts to tumble into the now gaping hole in the center of the main hall. (Warforged) as you rolled quite high and are near him I’ll give you a free action before the encounter.

Warforged: (OOC) I wish to push past (Wizard) and elbow drop into the hole.

DM: Okay, roll me an acrobatics check

Warforged: *rolls 20 again*

DM: Oh.. uuh okay, you make a great leap crushing the wood boards behind you. Elbow out, diving towards the gaping hole…

Warforged (OOC): I wish to start playing “Electrifying” out of my voice synthesizer.

DM: As you turn on your mysterious new aged robot music the screeching from the basement of the farmhouse is soon replaced by a large splatter followed by “DO YOU SMELL, WHAT (Warforged) IS COOKIIIIING?”

Rogue (OOC): I’m never playing with you again…

Ranger (OOC): And not experience the first wrestler of the Warforged Wrestling Entertainment world?!

the posture theory

for @drownedpoet​ and the two anons who asked

  • neil has great posture
  • since he’s shorter than most adults, standing and sitting up straight always gave him a better vantage point to survey areas when he was on the run
  • it also helped when he was younger and had to appear older 
    • so people would stop asking so many questions about why “such a nice young boy was doing things he shouldn’t be"
    • it made things like buying cigarettes, driving, and carrying a gun so much simpler when he wasn’t being interrogated every five minutes
  • breathing was much easier as well in the bulletproof vests he always wore
    • wearing kevlar is a lot like wearing a chest binder, it’s restrictive and makes breathing a pain in the ass
    • sitting up straight was at least a partial solution to this problem
  • not to mention it gave him an intimidating look that kept people at a healthy distance and made sure he wasn’t bothered
  • it also made it easier to jump into a fighting stance in a seconds notice if necessary
  • sleeping back to back with his mother reinforced the habit 
    • neither of them could sleep if there was even the smallest gap between their bodies
    • life on the run from people constantly trying to kill you makes you rightfully cautious and a little bit paranoid, so it’s nice to have the grounding weight of someone you trust at your back
  • he also used to be a dancer, but that’s another au/headcanon
  • andrew, on the other hand, has terrible posture
  • his childhood was spent slouching down trying to disappear and look like less of a target
  • he would sleep curled into himself with his back against the wall so he would be harder to grab
    • it also made it harder for drake to take his clothes off
  • hiding was easier as well
    • getting used to being tucked into himself made squeezing into tight spaces for up to a couple of hours at a time to avoid drake much more comfortable
  • slipping away from being held is about 90% easier when you’re slouched as it allows for quicker movement
    • this didn’t take andrew more than twice to learn
  • andrew never really saw the point of good posture when his body never really belonged to him anyway
    • this is his depression talking, but he doesn’t care
  • i mean what’s the point of worrying about posture when you don’t plan on living long enough to be affected by it?
New Series: Rekindle

re·kin·dleˌrēˈkind(ə)l/

verb

  1. relight (a fire).
  • revive (something that has been lost).

You first got with Dean when you were in Highschool, stayed with him even though you both went to colleges in different states, and married him after he received his doctorate in education. At first, it was like a fairytale. You moved into the big house with a pool and a six-car garage. You had enough money to back up any and every vacation you could ever dream of going on, and you couldn’t be happier.

Jump ahead five years.

You’re bored to death. The only time he’s home is when he’s correcting papers, sex is now on a schedule, and your conversations are always lacking. Even with marriage counseling, nothing is changing. Where are the butterflies? What happened to the chemistry?

You fear that you’re falling out of love with him, and he’s become less of a partner and more of a roommate. Just as the thought of divorce comes to mind,  your favorite authors come to town to do a seminar. 

Gabriel and Donna Hascum, writers of top selling books such as  “Your marriage is over, let me tell you why”, “Seven reasons your first partner hit the road, Jack”, and “Living single: why riding the single lane isn’t 100% terrible." 

Though he’s reluctant, Dean allows you to drag him to the seminar, and some way or another, Gabriel and Donna convince you both to enter their highly intensive “Marriage rekindling” boot camp. It’s a full year of them assigning sexual and romantic tasks for you both to do, tailored to your specific relationship, with each of them “coaching” you.

Their approach is…odd, at best, but you’re willing to do anything to fall for your husband again. 

COMING 1/25/17: A  Deanxreader romcom 

Why… are the phrases people use to describe romantic love… the same ones… that pop into my head when I’m writing a posessive asshole…

Since I hit the 100+ on the end of the week it was on saturday or sunday my busiest time since I had to study for my driverlicens test (wich I passed on the first part but not the secund I’m still happy for it though XD ).
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I seriously didn’t expect so many, I’m bleased to have all of you and I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Now art Waffle? What fun is that I allready know @nata110 @anonymousbathtub @wolfoftonight @toggy001 @ashwolfcub @rebelcolors @albatronic1987 @xgemdrawzx @clockwork-cricket @uzbosti will spam me XD so why not do GIFTS instead it’s all OPEN!!!!!!!!