you really want me to cry

Pulse Part 13

Part 12

Genre: Fluff
Words: 2,026
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: Injuries, you’re gonna squeal i can’t wait
Summary: Soulmate AU in which one’s heartbeat becomes perfectly in sync with their soulmate’s once they meet.

The following week or so had become a routine. Bucky would cater to your every want and need, making you food that you could keep down, scratching your arms or back to calm you, helping you bathe, and just talking about nothing and everything. The two of you had really gotten to know each other better than he ever thought you could in the small amount of time you had together, and you still had a couple more days to spend with him before his fiancée came home.

His fiancée. Bucky had barely even thought of her since the crash. She had been constantly texting and calling him, no doubt wondering why he wasn’t in contact with her while she was away, but he couldn’t bring himself to even send her a simple text. He knew she was probably worried, but he felt a surge of guilt in the pit of his stomach whenever he just saw her name flash across his cell phone screen. He knew he wasn’t in a relationship with you, but the draw he felt toward you was undeniable, and he felt he would be betraying that loyalty he felt by acknowledging his planned marriage with this other woman.

He needed to eventually, though, whether it be to confirm his relationship with Samantha or to end it altogether. Something needed to be done, but he couldn’t break off years of friendship and love over the phone. She needed to come home first, and then, once he saw her in person and looked into her blue eyes, if he felt like it would be best to let her go, he would.

In the meantime, however, all of his focus was on you. On the way you gently curled into the sheets of his bed, careful of the incision on your side. On the way you giggled at his playful jokes and groaned at the mention of the time left until you could take your next painkiller. On the way your hair was tangled beyond belief from moving your head against the pillow so much. On the way your stressed body was still so antsy to get out of bed that he almost wanted to force you back down every time you sat up in fear that you would hurt yourself.

It was passed time for you to start walking by yourself though. The routine of it all was supposed to help, and getting back to normal right away was of upmost important when it came to your injuries. Bucky had been trying to prolong it as long as possible though, because he didn’t want to see you in more pain than you were already in.



He watched as you stretched your legs out in front of you, wincing only slightly at the pull in certain areas. “Can I go make lunch for myself?”

“Getting sick of my cooking?” He deflected.

“More like getting sick of just sitting here. I want to get up.”

You didn’t even wait for his response as you started making your move to rise from the bed. His hands immediately rushed to your aid to help ease the strain, and you gratefully let him use some of his own strength to lift you off the bed and to a sitting position.

“This makes me nervous,” he admitted.

You rolled your eyes even though your heart warmed at his confession. “I’m fine.”

“Your car was hit so hard it flipped upside down. You were impaled with metal.”


He sighed. “Give me your hand.”

Only being able to offer your right one due to your left being in the cast, his other fingers lightly grasped the upper arm that was uncovered to help balance both sides of your body and take the weight off of the side with the incision.

“How are your ribs?” He asked as he helped you stand. Your knees shook from the little walking you had been doing, but they felt much better now that you were standing.

“They’re fine. Feel the same as when I’m laying down.”

“So not good,” he clarified.

You gave him a look before starting to take slow steps toward the kitchen. Bucky was hovering over you your whole way there, arms out and ready to catch you or hold you if something were to happen. Once you finally made it to the cupboards, you opened one and went to reach for a box before Bucky stopped you from stretching.

“No,” was all he said as he reached to the top shelf for you and got your favorite cereal down. “Don’t push it.”

You got the milk out of the fridge in the meantime, turning to watch as Bucky got a bowl down for you and started to pour the cereal inside. “Hey! I was supposed to be making this.”

He scoffed. “It’s cereal. Making this as your own dinner isn’t much of an accomplishment.”

“You’re just mad I made you get Captain Crunch Berries and not the peanut butter kind.”

Your hand shook slightly as you tried to balance the mostly full milk in your right hand to pour into the bowl. Your side and ribs ached as your abdominal muscles clenched to help support the weight. Bucky noticed your struggle and lifted the bottom of the carton while you held the handle.

“Of course I’m mad. Getting a Captain Crunch that isn’t peanut butter is a sin.”

He helped lower the milk down before screwing the cap back on and returning it to the fridge for you. The fridge that had bills and unopened but important mail stuck unto it, many of the envelopes addressed to Samantha Reed. You tried not to let it damper your mood, you did, but it was difficult as you felt yourself falling more in love with Bucky. The past couple of days you had spent there you had really gotten to know him more and there wasn’t one part of what you learned that you didn’t like. You were completely and utterly fascinated by him. If you were close before from being soulmates, you were even closer now as you laughed together, shared details on your histories and favorite things to do…

“(Y/N)? You okay?” Bucky asked as he watched you stare at your untouched cereal.

You didn’t know how to answer. What was going to happen when you had to leave in two or three days. Where were you going to go? Who was going to care for you?

You knew Steve would offer to keep you safe and have Natasha stay as well to help, but that seemed to you like going in circles. You didn’t want to go back there and have another emotional breakdown. You wanted to move forward, but you didn’t know how to when you have been letting yourself stay out of reality.

Because that’s what this was: unrealistic. In a few days you will be gone. Bucky will be back with his fiancée in this loft where he would pretend you never stayed in the first place. Things would go back to being awkward and tense between the two of you. You would still have a madman stalking you, threatening you, slowly driving you to insanity. And you would be alone again. Because that was what always happened.

“What’s going on?”

Bucky’s hand softly landed on the small of your back. You swallowed. You were so tired of being alone. You didn’t want this feeling of love you had developed in the small amount of time you had been living with him to go away. You wanted to swim in the depths of it- to drown in it.

You turned slowly to face him, his palm going from your back to the counter near your side, leaning into you as you looked up to him. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern, his eyes bright.

His jaw tense before loosening.

His eyelashes fluttering as he blinked.

His lips so pink.

His lips so… soft.

Soft. That was the last word that flowed through your head before everything completely left. Your mind became a blank slate as your body completely relaxed. You were leaning into him, his touch on you- everywhere- but nowhere at the same time as he remained as careful as possible. His lips moved against yours, gentle but hungry, his teeth nipping lightly in between kisses.

You could barely pay attention to where you were putting your hand, too overwhelmed by the feeling in your chest as you finally connected with your soulmate. Everything snapped into place. It was like a puzzle piece- a perfect fit that completed the picture. It was a wire that had been missing that was now fixed and helped to light up the entire room. Your body was floating, relaxed as it no longer felt pulled on, drawn, exhausted from trying to find your person. Relieved as you finally found him.

He pulled back with a gasp, one of his thumbs running light circles over your bruised ribs, the other hand firmly pulling you toward him by your lower back. He squeezed his eyes shut in an almost painful gesture, grimacing as he rested his forehead on yours. “I’m feeling so much right now my heart hurts.”

Your right hand came up to stroke his stubble-covered jaw. “Don’t run away from that.”

He didn’t reply as he attempted to control his breathing, put out not from the loving kisses that the two of you shared but from the wave of emotions tugging at his heart as it sped up in rate.

“But Samantha-” he started, and you immediately opened your eyes, pushing his chest back with your one available hand and avoiding eye contact at all cost. “No, I just meant that I need to talk to her before we do anything else. I don’t want to be that person.”

“Bucky,” you tried to reason against your own morals, “I’m your soulmate. I think she’ll understand.”

He didn’t say anything once again and that’s when the self-doubt started to kick in. Was he worried about cheating or did he really want Samantha in the end?

“What are we doing, Bucky? Playing house until the person you actually love comes home and you toss me in the corner once again? Apologize, maybe cry to make me feel an ounce of sympathy for you?”

“No! No, no no, (Y/N), not at all-” he rushed out.

“-then what?! I understand that you want to be a good guy, but you weren’t worried about being a good guy when you hurt me ten times over! Only for her, right?”

You wished you would have stopped talking at his wounded look, but you kept going. “Look at the physical pain I have been put through. Mentally- emotionally, I feel even worse. ‘Cause of you.”

“I want to-”

“I’m not playing these games anymore. If I need to get out of this city to get away from you and that fucking maniac, then I will. This isn’t fair to me, Bucky, and you know it. You fucking know i-”


You froze at his outburst, watching as his face softened after yelling, his footsteps slow and his hand raking through his hair before his arms caged you back against the counter. He tried to keep his face passive and strong, but his muscles relaxed and his blue eyes were warm as they bore into yours. His soft lips were parted and you wanted to cry at how much you wanted to just dive into his arms.

And then he was kissing you again and you were flying. Nothing had ever felt as good, as fulfilling, as wholesome, pure, loving, warming, encompassing as it did to be in Bucky’s arms with his mouth on yours. You were completely and utterly a mess.

When his warm breath hit your lips as he pulled back, you looked into his eyes. The two of you were as close as before, and you were tempted to diminish the distance once again, but he spoke before you could.

“I don’t love her like I love you.”

And then the distance closed.

OKAY this is unedited and not proofread so I’m sorry for any mistakes ily and i’m sorry for the wait i’ll write sooner again if you give me feedback ok thx

anonymous asked:

hey jen, I know you get swamped with tons of messages but I wanted to say that you're my favorite artist and also such a cool person. I hope you're taking care of yourself and that you're doing well. Your artwork and words encourage and inspire me (and thousands of other ppl) so often and I just hope that you feel loved and encouraged in your own life <3

aww dude come on, don’t make me cry. I needed to hear something like this today. Thank you. Really. ♥

mhizuki  asked:

Hi! I'm sorry because I keep rambling under your posts about Rika xD but I'm halfway day 7 and after the visual novel with Rika and I'm incredibly sad about her childhood. Also everyone is nagging Yoosung and I feel bad for him, I want to scream "LET HIM BE EMOTIONAL IT'S PERFECTLY FINE". Funny thing is that when I start a route I need time to be involved with the protagonist but with V i really can't feel anything, I don't hate him but I admit I like more "Ray" and Rika as characters xD

no it’s ok, i’m always ready to talk about rika :’’’’D
uggh and yes the vn about her childhood made me cry fr, no one deserves to be treated like that ;((( and yes, i’ve seen so many people say they were annoyed with yoosung on V route and i’m ??! do you feel no sympathy omggg, he’s in so much distress and he literally said he wanted to kill himself and people are like “wow so annoying”,,, i felt so bad for him i actually cried, several times (again dfghj), also idk i guess i like very emotional characters in general but,, yes i’ve said this before but let him be emotional without treating him like a child !!! omggg it was so frustrating how the other characters belittled him as well,, justice for yoosung pls take him seriously :’’D

and as you know, i dislike V so anything romantic w him made me cringe honestly, i mean sure i want him to get better too but……. no :/// also idk about others but i always like to think i’m playing dating sims as myself, i mean MM doesn’t have an actual main character but even w other games that DO have mcs w names and personalities i just… ignore that :’’D so if i don’t like a character i hate that my only option is to act like i want them lol

Thank you!! And of course anon!! [I’m not really happy with this, so feel free to ask me for a rewrite!]
•Although it wasn’t necessarily a Halloween costume, you wanted to go to the Halloween Overwatch party in matching kimonos
•When you told him about your idea he was confused. Then you showed him the costumes and he understood.
•He politely refused.
•You begged him for a little while. He only agreed when you started fake crying.
•When you arrived he was a little awkward, but appreciated the compliments from people saying how cute you two looked.
•Eventually warmed up to it and would link arms with you.
•Lots and lots of compliments saying how pretty you looked.
•Will play with your hair and may even style it in a bun to match your outfit.
•Picks out candy for you, and then maybe feed them to you if you want him to.
•”My flower you look lovely in a kimono.”
•You didn’t even need to ask. When he saw the cowgirl costume you had picked out he encouraged it greatly.
•He didn’t even need to dress up to fit the part and you pouted a bit (although he made it up to you with a little kiss)
•When you showed up at the party people were a bit confused when they saw McCree without a costume. As soon as they saw you, though, they understood what was going on.
•Constant attention and compliments from him.
•Will show you off like you’re made of diamonds. Anyone he sees he will grab them and show them how amazing you look in shorts.
•Will put his hat on your head and say “yee haw cowgirl” and wink afterwards.
•A hand is always on you. Whether it’s on your hip, thigh, or shoulder.
•Will totally go trick or treating if you want to, but it’ll probably end with both of you making out and scaring kids off.
•"Darlin’, you look absolutely stunning in that outfit.“
[Please message me if you want a non-female version, this is the only thing I could really think of. Sorry about that]
•He had never been too fond of Halloween in the first place
•So when you told him you wanted to match costumes with him and asked him to dress up as an American soldier he declined.
•You hoped showing him yours would change his mind since it was the same thing, an American soldier outfit, but he held together and refused.
•He kept telling you he was too old for this stuff, and you would countered by saying that you we’re doing it so he should to.
•Eventually you resorted to begging. When that didn’t work you tried bribery.
•He only agreed when you allowed him to wear his visor all night.
•First arriving at the party was odd. He stood by your side rather awkwardly, his arm linked in yours, with you doing all the talking and thanking as people complimented you two on the matching outfits.
•After some time he warmed up to it and would at least talk to others.
•Halfway through the party he was at least comfortable with it and would tell you how cute you look in baggy camo pants.
•Will try to make up for the first half of the party by showering you in compliments and doing whatever you want for a while.
•May try to get into character by making you call him commander ;)
•May or may not sneak off his visor when no one’s looking to give you a kiss (even though he said he wouldn’t.)
•”Guess you were right about this costume thing. You look very nice, too.”

Beginning - John Murphy Imagine

A/N: kind of strayed from the prompt and not as angst but I hope y’all enjoy!

Originally posted by hedajohnmurphy

prompt list can be found here !!

Reader x John Murphy

Words: 1,502 

Warnings: not exactly nsfw but mentions of smut related stuff more than once, swearing

Prompt: “Are you crying?”

“You know, if you really wanted to be carried by me you could’ve just asked?” His smirk that covered his face said it all. He didn’t even have to speak for you to know a sly comment was going to be blurted out of his pretty mouth. Ever since the beginning, there’s been something there between you and Murphy.

“The tough (Y/N), left to fend for herself because of a sore ankle. How devastating.” His smirk was still prevalent. Even though you were being piggy backed by him and you couldn’t see his facial features, you could imagine it.

“Give me a break Murphy, I don’t need your shit.” You huffed, ready to be silent softly leaning your cheek on his the back of his shoulder. Although there was a lot of sexual tension between you and Murphy, both of you just covered it with sarcasm and taking the piss out of each other. But as of right now, you were tired, hurt and completely done with his shit.

And he noticed. Normally you’d go back and forth until you got back to camp, but when you put the to and fro to an abrupt stop, he was confused. And naturally, Murphy would’ve proceeded to taunt you, but he felt like your sudden quietness meant something.

Keep reading

merlinconsultinginthedogpark  asked:

So I left a comment on AO3 but I wanted to come here and tell you that I finally had the chance to read Carrying Up His Morning Tea and it was absolutely amazing. The writing was beautiful and it made me cry and smile. I basically just adore the story and wanted you to know. Hope your having a good week so far hun 😊

thank you so much lovey!! i really appreciate it <33

anonymous asked:

how do you write???????? songs??? i mean, i personally have taken voice lessons for 6 years and do concerts and everything but i cant write for shit? at all? and your songs are so fuckgind AMAZING i want to cry; what's your secret??

this is way too nice omg thank you so much thank u for jerking off my ego boner 

if you’re trying to get into songwriting, a really good exercise is to take songs and remix them!!! ie, mash them up with another song, play around with the melody, change the tempo or message of the song. i always like to challenge myself and make little tweaks to my favorite songs and it helps me understand song structure/melodies a little better

i’m constantly humming to myself and usually the base melody i come up with is pretty boring so i play around with it (like how i’ve described in the previous p) until i come up with an original melody that i’m happy with!! or sometimes i have a story in my head i make up with then go from there. lyrics come really easy when i have the melody already but occasionally the lyrics come to me first and then i use the vibe to help write the melody

i wrote more on this here :)

<333 thank u so much for ur kind words and i hope this helps u 

anonymous asked:

I think you're a great person. You have done everything that you could to tell your stories to the best of your abilities so fuck the haters. I also think you are really sweet and that you take criticism politely and that shows how mature you are. Anon hate is fucking pathetic. They are just jealous of how great you are writing fics. You don't get paid for this so that makes me admire you more! I read almost all of your Joker imagines

That was so incredibly sweet and thoughtful of you. I’m actually crying. I just want to give you a big big big hug. ❤❤❤❤

Originally posted by tiya-minuscule

Stop it

Im so done with my art begin reposted or traced.. I actually had a panick attack some minutes ago because of my art begin reposted.. Im still shaking and crying.. Im really not feeling good… I feel like everything I’ve drawn dont matter anymore.. Im feeling like everything ive done is destroying.. Please if you care at least a little for me stop reposting.. or at least credit me and dont tell you made it.. This just makes me feel really horrible and sad.. Im sorry i had to vent here because i dont have somewhere else to vent…

I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life.
—  Unknown

good morning. we love u so much birthday boy.
윤기오빠 생일축하해요!~ 시간이 지날수록 더 사랑해요……♡ㅠㅠ 당신이 자랑스러워요. 내가 더 나은 사람이 되고 싶게 만들어요.진짜. 오빠 그동안 고마워요. 사랑해요. ♡♡♡♡

you didn’t ask for playlists but here

all are from { my spotify }

dancing around the room with wet hair and mismatched socks

these songs give me unrealistic expectations for my first date and I’m kinda okay with that

rain is when the clouds cry and my soul wants to sing

that one person who sits in the corner brooding listens to this as they stare at everyone

let’s sneak out on the roof just to stare at the stars while the wind blows around us

you really don’t want to talk to me if this is playing

it’s dark and we’re running through dimly lit streets, sitting and staring and not caring and feeling too much

when everyone leaves and it’s just me alone at night on my bed with my laptop

never been in a relationship but I made a breakup playlist anyway

there’s a stillness about the night that’s extremely calming 

Hug Me (안아줘)
EXO (엑소) Chanyeol (찬열)
Hug Me (안아줘)

“그냥 날 안아줘 나를 좀 안아줘
아무 말 말고서 내게 달려와줘
외롭고 불안하기만 한 맘으로
이렇게 널 기다리고 있잖아”

“Just hug me, please hug me
Don’t say anything and just run to me
With a lonely and anxious heart
I’m just waiting for you like this”


Did you talk to Javier after the competition?
Translation credit (a-m-n-o-s) 

I decided to draw a scene from the first chapter of my fic even though I should be writing the new chapter instead.