you own my childhood

When my mum moved out of home, she got herself a Rough Collie she named Jessica Mary Winch (Winch was her maiden name). Recently I have been pining for a Rough Collie, but I don’t know if I could handle a big dog or such a full-coated dog.

so anyways im rewatching the mask of zorro and vividly being reminded of how elena “while you were getting blackout drunk in some hole in the wall i was studying the blade” de la vega was truly such a formative influence growing up

but you know what

i have dealt with so much on my own, since my childhood. I dealt with trauma at 8 by myself. I dealt with suicide attempts from ages 12-18 myself. I’ve dealt with depression for 10 years now. I’ve suffered heartbreak twice. i applied, got accepted, transferred universities all by myself. and i’m gonna graduate and move by myself, for myself. as much as my parents have tried to convince me that i’m a failure, a loser, and unworthy of anything good, i will not let their words affect me. I believed these lies for 21 years. Not anymore. I’m intelligent, and incredibly caring, and capable of anything I want to achieve. And Imma do it for my mufuckin self

anonymous asked:

I call bullshit on your 'drawing from when you were 4'. Anyone who knows anything about children would do the same.

What do you mean? :/ 

I keep all my drawings from when I was a kid in a blue folder. If you want I can show you some more. (Sorry for bad quality photos, I didn’t really have time to scan them all in.)

These are from various ages from 1-5!

(Some of them are yellowed because my grandparents obviously put them on the fridge and wall for ages for me and they smoke a lot) So I don’t know what else you want out of me but what makes you think I faked my own childhood drawing??? :/

Watching Liberty Kids and sortof sobbing. Henri lost his parents and grew up as a slave boy for a mean ship captain. Moses was a slave too. James lost his parents in a house fire. Sarah lost her locket, and her father has been missing for a year.

And James just used his dead mother’s wedding ring to replace Sarah’s lost locket. That is just. ADORABLE. MY BABIES. OH. PLEASE JUST GET MARRIED.


Opal: I- wait what?

Sunrose: You’re right. I sheltered you too much. I took away your childhood out of my own stupid fear and guilt. I never should have done that, Opal. You’re an adult, a smart, loving, and strong adult.

Opal: Mom I, I’m sorry. I didn’t me-

Sunrose: I’m the one who should be apologizing. Everything you said is true and I deserved it. I just thought I could keep you in a nice little bubble, just you and me. Like it always was. I guess, I have some explaining to do..

Opal: Mom, you don’t have to. I understand.

Sunrose: No, you don’t. I planned on never telling you about your father because I thought you didn’t need to know. But you’re older now, and deserve an answer. 

Sad but unsurprising aspects of my job: the kids who need the most practice reading are always at the sites where I have to work with 5-6 energetic little boys at once, while a lot of the kids who already excel get a full hour of one-on-one attention. I wish I had time to work with everyone individually, especially with the kids who need the most help, but the program doesn’t have the resources to hire that many people. As it is, there’s a limit to how effectively I can help six kids at once, especially when some are strong readers who want to tear through the book immediately, some are weaker readers who struggle over relatively simple words, and some will barely stop crab-walking around the rest of the reading circle long enough to read three sentences. It does make me a little more annoyed about the long lunch breaks and gaps in our schedule, though. I know we can only offer supplemental instruction, and that ultimately the kids’ fates will primarily be determined by their schools and their parents and their own ability and work ethic, but I still feel like we have a responsibility to help the community as much as we feasibly can.

I guess I can’t feel too bad about my role in this situation, given that I’m trying my best and am offering at least some reading practice to all the kids I work with. Also that I spend the school year tutoring kids who are still learning English, and those kids do get extensive, long-term one-on-one assistance (and I’m trying to get our group to expand that program to help multiple kids a week at a school that needs even more help than the one we work with currently). But man, I still wish I could do more.

anonymous asked:

If it doesn't make you uncomfortable... do you have any pictures before you knew you were trans? Were you really boyish then?

ahaha! no, i wasnt. and its not uncomfortable for me at all! it is for some people though, so always make sure to ask.

my hairstyle stayed the same for 12 years. oh my god.

like i tell everyone: i was always a boy. always. maybe i didnt know it (i grew up with a very, VERY vague suspicioun, but dont feel bad if you dont know at all for a while!! it doesnt make you any less trans <3) but i was. so i dont say “i was cute as a little girl :)” and i dont appreciate others saying it. i always say i was a little boy, because i was.

and, well…

…damn, i grew up cute. little kid me would be v happy

Imagine that we stay up all night, your words and mine melding together and forming our very own foundations for everything that will follow. You ask me about my childhood and I’m sick of sugarcoating it. I say, “you’re just as guarded as I am,” and you knock down enough space in your walls for me to crawl through. We create our own constellations in the silence of the nighttime, your thoughts a whisper as we try not to wake up anyone else. Imagine that we stay up all night, your eyes the only thing I ever want to look at anymore, your hands kept to yourself. Imagine that we stay up all night, and by the end of it, we’re still not even tired.
—  imagine // r.e.s
What is it like owning a GSD?

The breed that helped me through my cynophobia and really got me into dogs (shoutout to my childhood acquaintance Jake)

For those of you who own German Shepherds, what do you like about them vs dislike?

What would you tell someone who is having a difficult time sifting through the loads of breeders out there, in search of a stable and healthy dog?

And… What do you prefer- show or working lines?

I’ll tag a few of you I know have experience:

Imagine that we stay up all night, your words and mine melding together and forming our very own foundations for everything that will follow. You ask me about my childhood and I’m sick of sugarcoating it. I say, “you’re just as guarded as I am,” and you knock down enough space in your walls for me to crawl through. We create our own constellations in the silence of the nighttime, your thoughts a whisper as we try not to wake up anyone else. Imagine that we stay up all night, your eyes the only thing I ever want to look at anymore, your hands kept to yourself. Imagine that we stay up all night, and by the end of it, we’re still not even tired.
—  imagine /// r.e.s.

A while back, the very awesome Katie did a Sailor Jupiter pic. Since then, I have really wanted to draw my own childhood hero, Sailor Mercury! Thank you for being “the brainy, responsible one” I so desperately needed, Ami. Thank you also for sharing my name, with one tiny spelling change. Maybe someday I will draw you an even BETTER picture! But ‘til then… this was a good way to spend an evening.

don’t talk to me about zayn malik loving books.

don’t talk to me about yaser and trisha buying baby books for doniya. don’t talk to me about how they asked for diapers and books for trisha’s first baby shower. and second. and third and fourth. don’t talk to me about yaser probably reading baby books to trisha’s stomach. don’t talk to me about yaser and trisha taking really good care of doniya’s books so they could read them to their next kid. and the next and the next.

don’t talk to me about yaser and trisha reading to baby zayn in english and urdu. don’t talk to me about zayn grabbing for the pictures. don’t talk to me about zayn demanding to turn the pages himself. don’t talk to me about zayn memorizing the stories and the cadence of the words before he learned to read. don’t talk to me about zayn sitting on his own, making up new stories for the illustrations in his picture books.

do not even BEGIN to speak to me about zayn learning to read and write in english and urdu and arabic. don’t talk to me about his terrible handwriting. don’t talk to me about how he wrote the letter Z backwards until he was like seven. don’t talk to me about how he insisted on storytime every night until he was twelve and too cool to let his mum and dad tuck him in. don’t talk to me about how yaser and trisha encouraged him to read aloud to them. DO NOT even THINK about speaking to me about him reading aloud to waliyha and safaa.

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It’s not uncommon for me to hear a general disdain or comical references to the stereotype of therapy immediately going to the client’s relationship with their parents. It’s interesting to me that this topic is met with an eye roll, as if it’s some petty dilution like the term “daddy issues”–but don’t get me started on this phrase. The hesitance to explore parental relationships usually stems from the fear of making one’s parents look bad, so it’s a strong component of loyalty. This is quite normal and understandable. But the more disheartening reason is the belief that one’s childhood is irrelevant to the current problems and conflicts in your life. In this sphere of thought, I’ve found that the general public believes one of two things: 1) that you can separate yourself from the experiences of your childhood and remain unaffected by them; 2) that you can “rise above” it’s negative aspects without confronting and dealing with them. When either of these beliefs takes root, it dismisses such an intrinsic, formative time that provided a foundation for who you are today, what you value, what you fear, how you see the world, how you see yourself, and how you engage relationships. 

For those who grew up in a healthy home and had a happy childhood of ease and stability, it can sometimes be even harder to acknowledge the areas in which you need growth and healing. It can be hard for these clients to acknowledge their own pain out of fear of blaming or disrespecting their parents, but in acknowledging that you, a unique and flawed individual, were raised by flawed and unique individuals, it’s assumed that there are unhealthy ways in which you view yourself, the world, and how you engage relationship with others. A perfect childhood does not exist because perfect parents and perfect children do not exist. As a Christian, I acknowledge that parents are entrusted with the role of nurturing and equipping a child with self-sufficiency and competence until they are able to face the world without their direct assistance. It is my belief that this is demonstrative of the gospel, and it is a tangible picture of the ultimate paternal love and security we’ve been adopted into through Christ to God. With these beliefs, I acknowledge the limitations and fallibility of what it means to be responsible for another human, and so I’m comfortable with the fact that there is no such thing as a perfect parent-child relationship. In this process of thought, I’m led to conclude that if all parent-child relationships are flawed and mere depictions of our sonship with God, that we all move into adulthood with varying degrees of unmet needs whether it be due to a parent’s omission of care or commission of harm.

It is these unmet needs that deserve our exploration and attention. With time, our relational dynamics with family members change as we move from dependence to independence, and with these varying degrees of unmet needs, we enter into new relationships where we start to see how each person comes to the table with their own unique history, way of thinking, and needs that may differ from your own. We are made for relationship because it is in relationship that we must face ourselves as we see how we are different from one another. It is in relationship that we are wounded, and it is in relationships that we are healed. What wounds you in relationship may sometimes not be what your partner has done, but in how their action triggers a painful experience from your past when a certain need was left unmet by your parent. The most powerful aspect of marriage is that your spouse becomes your new resource person–your new attachment figure. It used to be your parents, and now it is them. They do not continue what your parents began, but they function correctively, ministering to the parts of each other that were mishandled, neglected, or wounded. It is in this retroactive work that we are sanctified as it rehabilitates the emotional and mental health and wholeness of the person. Restoration reaches into the past so that moving forward is possible. Reaching back is hard. It can feel counterproductive, overwhelming, triggering, and even harmful if you don’t have someone to serve as a voice of reason, encouragement, and guidance. This can be done in relationship, but when you don’t have someone who feels willing or equipped to do so, therapy is such an amazing option. 

Therapy commonly reaches back into matters of childhood, because it is there that most seeds were planted–good seeds and bad seeds. Therapy is just a gardening process. It’s where you go when you’re tired of trimming down the weeds because they’re too thorny to pull out. We locate what is choking out beauty and harvest, and we uproot it. We cultivate the soil and nurse the sick flowers to health. We look at how different parts have different needs and require different care, and we kneel alongside you, we get dirt on our knees and under our fingernails, and we do it together until you can do it on your own. 

So that’s my spill on childhood, gardens, and why going to therapy is something worth considering.

-L, thoughts of a therapist 

Ok so with the recent bear episode, I am going to create a story depicting Riley;s feelings towards Maya and their friendship. This is something i have been thinking about for a while, and I want to explore Riley’s feelings through the triangle, and season 3 with some episode from season 2 :) 

so here is a short snippet :) If you want me to continue please let me know :) 

“Riley are you ok?” Maya asks as she is halfway out the door with everyone else to get Tacos. She sees Riley standing there a with a sad and disappointed look on her face and she stops to see how her best friend is feeling.

“No I am not ok Maya!” Maya makes a shocked look at her tone, thinking that maybe Riley was just exaggerating.

“Riley it’s just a bear!” Cory and Maya try to tell her, both wanting to get their tacos but Riley frowns “It’s not just a bear, it’s something that means the world to me, something is from my childhood.”

“Riley come on don’t be stupid.”

Riley whirls around to Maya “Don’t call me stupid! I didn’t call you stupid when you were upset about the bay window because it was part of your childhood, even though it was MY ROOM! But the moment I am upset about something relating to my own childhood you don’t care.”

“Riley of course I do!”

“No Maya, because once again you are making it about you even though you know how much this bear means to me.”

More in the Anders Meets the Inner Circle series: Dorian!

(Blackwall | Cullen | Cole | Dorian | The Iron Bull)

He got to know Dorian later, after he’d settled in to his new role at Skyhold a bit. Dorian spent most of his time in the library, also a place of intense interest to Anders, so it was only natural their paths would cross. Dorian was at first polite, but wary, chatting about airy nothings even as he kept his proverbial guard up at all times. 

Whether he disliked Anders in particular for some reason, or had just learned harsh lessons about being too trusting in general, Anders did not know. But it was clear to Anders that behind the disinterested facade, Dorian was a sociable, warm-hearted man who was lonely and adrift in a strange world. In many ways, he reminded Anders of himself in his own youth – well, himself, if he had been wealthier. And snobbier. And more fashion-conscious. And –

Much like himself, at any rate. 

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