you only wish you had pitching like ours

You know” she said, touching his fingertips like she always used to, “I really wanted it to be you. Everything about us seemed so right. We had our whole future figured out. Why couldn’t we make this work?”
“I did too.”, he answered, “I thought you were always gonna be the only one for me. I never thought that I’d ever be able to look at another girl when you existed. I wish it had been that way.” He looked at the sky that had turned pitch black and wished to drown in the dark so she wouldn’t have to see the tears in his eyes. “Then let’s go back. If we had the chance to start over, would you love me again?”, she looked so hurt, so desperate. Something he had never wanted to see.
“I wish.”, he whispered so quietly he himself could barely hear. “I wish that I could go back and love you the way you deserved to be loved, the way you deserve to be loved. But I don’t think I’m the right person to give you everything you deserve to have.”
The next sentence that escaped her lips broke his heart in more ways than he could have ever imagined. “So what makes you love her so much more than you were ready to love me?
—  I really wanted to have this talk with you because I would rather have drowned in tears than in silence like I did
e.e.