you never think of me

i’m almost entirely done processing Feelings About C, i think—although of course i’ve probably said that before and will perhaps say it again; these things come in waves, it isn’t a linear process, &c—but i keep getting stuck on, like, how do you reconcile (1) having someone assert [in that last conversation, even, so it’s not as if the data was out of date] that your relationship has been good and valuable to them, with (2) their seeming total disinterest in maintaining said relationship? i mean, more and more i think, well, probably i just don’t get a reconciliation; we humans contain multitudes and not everything we do is logically explicable or even in accordance with our own nominal values, and we lie to each other and even to ourselves, sometimes without even realizing it, because we need to preserve our own egos or are trying to preserve those of others, and ultimately i have to accept that we can’t wholly possess other people, even in understanding; sometimes to exist in this world is to have mysterious wounds visited on us without warning or justification, and the only thing to be done is to learn to bear that wounding with grace…

but still and all, a tiny wailing abandoned part of me can’t help wishing i understood!

Les Chevaliers…

Happy birthday Zen!
Here’s my April Fools’ prank. I promised something spicy but you get fluff instead. I hope you’re not making a sad face. I’m smiling (: 

NO I CANT

WHEN RHYSAND REALIZES THAT THE BOY THE CARVER LOOKS LIKE TO FEYRE IS THEIR SON AND THEY LEAVE AND HE JUST QUIETLY ASKS IN THE DARK “WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE?”
LIKE HE CAN’T BEAR TO HOPE FOR THAT MUCH AND HE’S REALIZING HOW THERE WAS ONCE A POINT THAT HE THOUGHT FEYRE WOULD NEVER LOVE HIM AND NOW HE’S STARING DOWN THE BARREL OF A FUTURE THAT COULD NEVER HAPPEN IF THIS WAR GOES BADLY AND HE HEARS THAT THE CARVER WEARS THE FACE OF THEIR SON. HIS AND FEYRE’S AND HE JUST HAS TO CHOKE OUT THE WORDS IN THE STIFLING DARK
“WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE.”
AND THERE’S SO MUCH LOVE IN HER VOICE WHEN SHE, FEYRE, HIS MATE, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND POWERFUL THING IN HIS LONG LIFE, TAKES HIS HAND AND SQUEEZES AND SMILES SOFTLY AND THERE’S THAT HOPE IN HER TOO AND JUST REPLIES
“LET ME SHOW YOU.”
AND HE SEES THE FACE OF HIS SON AND HIS HEART CRACKS OPEN WITH ALL THE LOVE AND LIFE AND HOPE WITHIN IT HE THINKS HE MIGHT COLLAPSE WITH IT.
BUT FEYRE’S THERE- SO MUCH LOVE AND LIFE AND FIRE AND STEEL HOLDING HIM UP AND WALKING THEM BOTH TOWARDS THE LIGHT
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT- I’M FUCKING NOT.

3

What a great episode I watched it nearly nine hours ago and I’m still yelling g o o d

[The first one is now available as a design on my redbubble!]

fat lesbians? are honestly such a blessing

2

the fact that you’re alive is a miracle
just stay alive, that would be enough

7

did some facial ref practice with the vento aureo gang also @ davidpro part 5 when????

3

Its has been a pretty harsh week for me, I need more loving Jumin as father on my dash :P Will update this AU once in a while

Also if anyone confuse, Junha is my OC , daughter of Jumin and MC. && I believe Jumin will spoil his daughter (rotten)

More on this series:
Junha AU - Birth
Junha AU - Father’s Day

No, I don’t care how many times he apologized or how many nights you spent crying over him. You can never go back to him, you can’t let him play you ever again. I know he’s been your best friend for years and that once upon a time he told you he loved you, but HE left you. He decided he didn’t want you, so now you have to move on and know that you are worthy. He’s going to regret leaving and he’ll come right back, but no you can never go back to him.
—  Letters to myself @iloveyouforeverandmore
10

[What do you sleep in?]  “Nada.”