you may call me old man

“Shalom. You know that means “hello” and “goodbye”? Just like “aloha”. But you probably knew that. Something that you may not know is that today, my boyfriend got a tattoo… Of the Kool-Aid man. Oh yeah. And believe me, Al… It’s no.. ‘Love is pain’. This is Piper, by the way. Blast from the past. Recognize my voice? Boy, well, I guess things… You know things are bad when you’re calling old girlfriends from the bathroom floor in the middle of the night, huh? How are you still… In my brain? Where are you? Do you miss me? Probably not… I miss you. I don’t know what I’m doing. Shalom.”

Buffy one liner starters
  • ❛ Thank god we’re hot chicks with superpowers. ❜
  • ❛ It’s a big rock. I can’t wait to tell my friends. They don’t have a rock this big.  ❜
  • ❛ I’m seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.  ❜
  • ❛ Great, now I’m gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.  ❜
  • ❛ That’s a weird place for a horn… That’s not a horn. ❜
  • ❛ What is your childhood trauma?  ❜
  • ❛ Excuse me, I have to call everyone I have ever met, right now.  ❜
  • ❛ That’ll put marzipan in your pie plate, Bingo  ❜
  • ❛ What’s the matter, life flash before your eyes? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea? ❜
  • ❛ I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.  ❜
  • ❛ Do you like my mask? Isn’t it pretty? It raises the dead! …Americans  ❜
  • ❛ This will give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO ME!  ❜
  • ❛ Tact is just not saying true stuff, I’ll pass.  ❜
  • ❛ Sorry, but I’m an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies.  ❜
  • ❛ We saved the world. I say we party.  ❜
  • ❛ Your mouth is open and sound is coming out. This is never good.  ❜
  • ❛ I want my expiration date to be a long time from now… Like a cheeto.  ❜
  • ❛ That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn’t wearing my yummy sushi pajamas.“  ❜
  • ❛ I’m afraid we have a slight apocalypse.  ❜
  • ❛ What ever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.  ❜
  • ❛Besides, "I’m here to violate your firstborn” never goes over with parents. Not sure why. ❜
  • ❛ If the Apocalypse comes, beep me.   ❜
  • ❛ What can I tell you baby? I’ve always been bad.  ❜ 
  • ❛ Seize the moment, cause tomorrow you might be dead.  ❜
  • ❛ I may be dead, but i’m still pretty. ❜  
  • ❛ I’m sixteen years old, I don’t wanna die. ❜
  • ❛ There is only one thing on this earth more powerful than evil. and that’s us. ❜
  • ❛ I gotta have a plan? Really? I can’t just be proactive with pep? ❜
  • ❛ You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked. ❜
  • ❛ I don’t know how to live in this world if these are the choices. ❜ 

  ✧  (  sentence   starters     →    twin   peaks

 triggering mentions ;   death, murder, rape, violence, blood, etc.                                    please change any pronouns to your own liking or as you see fit !

  • ❝ She’s dead… Wrapped in plastic. ❞
  • ❝ I’m holding in my hand a small box of chocolate bunnies. ❞
  • ❝ Wanna know why I’m whittling? ❞
  • ❝ Is it funny to you? It is not to me. ❞
  • ❝ You know, this is — excuse me — a damn fine cup of coffee! ❞
  • ❝ You know, I think I’d better start studying medicine. ❞
  • ❝ I hear that you’re real good at what you do. ❞
  • ❝ I feel like I know her, but sometimes my arms bend back. ❞
  • ❝ That gum you like is going to come back in style. ❞
  • ❝ You may think I’ve gone insane… but I promise. I will kill again.
  • ❝ Can you hear me? Catch you… with my death bag!
  • ❝ Will this sadness that makes me cry my heart out — will it ever end? ❞
  • ❝ You’re the most cold-blooded man I’ve ever seen! ❞
  • ❝ I’ve never in my life met a man with so little regard for human frailty. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve had just about enough of you and your insults! ❞
  • ❝ The old rustic sucker-punch, huh? ❞
  • ❝ Something very, very strange in these old woods. ❞
  • ❝ Call it what you want. A darkness, a presence. ❞
  • ❝ What do you see? Is it a dream, or a nightmare? ❞
  • ❝ I’ve got one man too many in my life and I’m married to him. ❞
  • ❝ It may appear as such, but could it be a clue? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t believe you were ever my age. ❞
  • ❝ Did she tell you that there was no goodness in the world? ❞
  • ❝ I’m telling you this because I don’t want to have any secrets from you. ❞
  • ❝ Eyes are the mirror of the soul, someone has said. ❞
  • ❝ How much would you like to start with? How about three hundred? ❞
  • ❝ Now I’m going to get the food and you’re going to get dressed. ❞
  • ❝ I feel like I’m going to dream tonight. Big bad ones. ❞
  • ❝ Why is it so easy to make men like me? I don’t even have to try very hard. ❞
  • ❝ I think a couple of times he’s tried to kill me. But guess what? As you know, I sure got off on it. ❞
  • ❝ Hmm, isn’t sex weird? ❞
  • ❝ I don’t know, she seemed to have reached a kind of peace with herself. ❞
  • ❝ I like to think of myself as one of the happy generations. ❞
  • ❝ I pride myself in taking a punch and I’ll gladly take another. ❞
  • ❝ Are you looking for secrets? Is that it? Maybe I can give you one. ❞
  • ❝ I would assume you’re no longer interested in girls. ❞
  • ❝ Does a heart pump blood as it pumps love? Is love the blood of the universe? ❞
  • ❝ Love, like blood, flows from the heart. Are blood and love related? ❞
  • ❝ There’s an epidemic of multiple gunshot wounds following this chick around. ❞
  • ❝ It’s almost like when they didn’t bury you deep enough. ❞
  • ❝ When you see me again, it won’t be me. ❞
  • ❝ Let nature guide us. Nature is the great teacher. ❞
  • ❝ Are our appetites, our desires undermining us? ❞
  • ❝ Nothing is simple. We live in a world where nothing is simple. ❞
  • ❝ Seven is difficult to balance, but not impossible if we are able to divide. ❞
  • ❝ It is happening again. It is happening again. ❞
  • ❝ Sometimes when we are ill, we are not on our best behavior. ❞
  • ❝ I mean, did he have a big, booming voice or what? ❞
  • ❝ I believe you. I applaud your desire to do the right thing. ❞
  • ❝ But you don’t believe me, do you? You think I’m mad. ❞
  • ❝ If we’re not at the right place at exactly the right time, we won’t find our way in. ❞
  • ❝ You and I have an appointment at the end of the world. ❞
  • Want, not need. I don’t need anything. ❞
  • ❝ When there are chances for reflections, there can always be two — or more. ❞
  • ❝ ______, there are many cures for a broken heart. ❞
How you Interact: Youtuber Friends

Originally posted by marielgum


  • A lot of giggling.
  • I’m not even joking; most of your time spent together is laughing at stupid shit or making jokes that make you curl up in a ball because your stomach hurts.
  • You pull faces at each other from across the room or just stare at each other with blank expressions until one looks away of laughs.
  • Near to nothing gets done when the two of you are working on the same thing. Or it’s hurriedly finished at the last second.
  • The videos with you in it are nothing but sarcastic comments and giggling. It’s amazing you actually manage to finish a game and get any type of content for the channel.
  • Amy has designated corners for the two of you.
  • When she’s had enough of your antics or something really needs doing; she’ll sit you in your corner (or at your desk) and put Mark at his.
  • You both grudgingly do the work but snap comments at each other, earning yourselves a harsh look from Amy.
  • But Amy loves you none the less. She’s always excited to see you and the two of you get along so well, it scares Mark.
  • “Oi pretty boy, get your ass over here and help me!”
    “Quit your bitching I’m coming!”
  • “You have such a big head for such a tiny man.”
    “Which head are we talking about here?”
  • It’s a friendship built on humor, but the two of you are always there for each other. With tight hugs that would crush your spines, and long deep conversations that last for hours. Sometimes you’ll call him late at night just to chat because you can’t sleep. And he returns the favor by calling you early in the morning to give him ideas for his channel.

Originally posted by jacksepticeyegifs


  • The sheer volume of your conversations would shake the ground. And the energy radiating from the two of you would power cities for centuries.
  • When the two of you hang out, it’s a lot of silly shenanigans. Small pranks and I can assure you things will be thrown.
  • You try to copy his wild hand gestures, even try matching his intro voice. However you fail miserably. But he gives you a thumbs up for trying.
  • You end up just mimicking everything he does, and smile innocently when he figures out what you’re doing and glares down at you.
  • When he sings at random moments, you respond by singing either beautifully or make some sort of noise that resembles a banshee. Either way, the two of you make stupid little songs out of everything. Usually you both end up laughing half way through and don’t remember the lyrics afterwards.
  • Wiishu just rolls her eyes and shakes her head at the two of you. Even though she adores you; my god you are so much like Jack it’s like having a twins.
  • You Irish bastard! Get back here so I can kick your pasty ass!”
    “Come at me! I’ll take ya on with one hand tied to my crutch!”
  • You poke fun at his facial hair, threatening to shave it off if he pushes you too far. He responds with a pout and an angry bluff that he’ll turn your hair green if you so much as dare touch him
  • “You have the intelligence of a 4 year old”
    “Says the man who only recently realized why a horn is called a horn.”
  • The two of you may be loud, but everyone adores your friendship. They enjoy seeing the two of you together as it seems to make the world a little brighter. He’s a friend you can count on and talk to about anything. A friendship meant to last.

Originally posted by aj-squidkid


  • Everyone thinks you’re dating. Sometimes the two of you play it off that way just to get a reaction. He’ll run up behind you and hug you tightly. You’ll yell “Blue-Berry Babe!” across the room it get his attention. 
  • Once, you actually kissed his cheek in front of Mark just because he wouldn’t shut up about how cute you two are. Not only was Mark surprised, but Ethan couldn’t help but giggle and flush a deep red. 

  • But it’s a pretty platonic, laid back friendship. 

  • The two of you playfully yell at each other out of nowhere. Something might fall off his desk and Ethan will blame you for it. 

  • You had screamed at him once because you ate your last bit of pizza and you wanted a bite of his. 

  • At random times the two of you will start dancing to whatever music is playing. Even if there’s only silence one of you might be humming and the other will dance wildly to the tune. 

  • Uncontrollable laughter at random times at stupid things. 

  • You help him with his channel. Doing funny little challenges, maybe a few multiplayer games. His fans love you. They ship you just as much as Mark, Tyler, Amy and Katherine do. 

  • Whenever you’re feeling down he’ll bring you your favorite food and cuddle with you till you feel better. And you return the favor tenfold.

  • Poking his sides as you pass him. He almost crumbles to the ground and pokes his tongue out at you. He’ll get revenge when you least expect it. Tackling you out of nowhere and tickling you relentlessly. 

  • You had missed him dearly when he moved to LA. But you had quickly joined him after getting accepted at a school/job. He helped you move and supported you through the “settling in” part of your new life.

  • You’re his support and you are his. Ethan adores you, adding you as apart of a family he’s built since he moved to LA. You take silly selfies and post them on twitter and Instagram so you have something to embarrass him with later.

anonymous asked:


FINALLY here are A FEW of my FAVORITE/MOST INTERESTING facts about my second favorite founding father! 

  • James Monroe is the youngest founding father, born in 1758 in Virginia. 
  • He had one sister and three brothers- one of whom (Spence) died when he was fifteen. Monroe was very close with his mother, who was also his teacher until he was eleven and at the age of sixteen his father died.
  • 1774 was also the year he started College of William and Mary and was a devoted student. He started with intentions of studying law- but dropped out months later to enlist in the 3rd Virginia Regiment in 1775. 
  • June 1775, Monroe, and other students joined twenty four older men in raiding the arsenal at the Governor’s Palace in Williamsburg. They used the loot of 200 muskets and 300 swords to arm the Williamsburg militia. 
  • During the Revolutionary War, he served under General George Washington, and was an aide de comp for General Stirling. 
  • In 1776, James Monroe was a hero at the Battle of Trenton. He was sent in an earlier boat across the Delaware River by General George Washington to scout. He nearly died at the battle, wounded at Trenton- he was shot in the left shoulder, he bled fast because the bullet severed an artery and he only survived because the volunteer medic stuck his finger in the bullet hole to stop the bleeding. He carried the shrapnel in his shoulder for the rest of his life. 
  • In John Trumbull’s painting The Capture of the Hessians at Trenton, December 26, 1776, Monroe can be seen lying wounded at left center of the painting. In the famous painting by Emanuel Leutze, Washington Crossing the Delaware, Monroe is depicted holding the American flag.
  • In 1777, after the Battle of Brandywine, George Washington sent for French speaking James Monroe to stay with Lafayette (who had been shot at the battle) throughout the night. According to Lafayette, James Monroe spent the entire night talking about how much he loved Thomas Jefferson. (Giles)
  • Monroe also wintered at Valley Forge, eventually reaching the rank of Colonel in the Virginia service. 
  • During the time that Monroe was stationed with Aaron Burr- Burr fell in love with Theodosia Prevost; and so did James Monroe. (Isenburg)
  • In 1780 the British invaded Richmond, and Governor Thomas Jefferson commissioned Monroe as a colonel to command the militia raised in response and act as liaison to the Continental Army in North Carolina.
  • Monroe did not return to William and Mary after the war, but finished his legal training with then Virginia Governor Thomas Jefferson who became one of his closest correspondents along with James Madison.
  • James Monroe and his wife, Elizabeth Monroe, had a particularly close relationship and married in 1786. Their warm family life is illustrated by his wife and two daughters, Eliza and Maria (they had a son but he died at sixteen months), who all accompanying Monroe on nearly all his official travel, including diplomatic assignments in France and Great Britain. 
  • During their time in France, the James and Elizabeth attended Napoleon I’s Coronation in Notre Dame Cathedral. Elizabeth was very strong and instrumental in fighting for the Lafayette’s rights and land as well as making sure while Marquis de Lafayette was in prison, his wife–Adrienne de Lafayette–wasn’t guillotined and got her freedom. 
  • The Monroes also provided support and shelter to the American citizen Thomas Paine in Paris, after he was arrested for his opposition to the execution of Louis XVI. 
  • Did you know that James Monroe once almost got into a duel with Alexander Hamilton? They both squared up in the home of Monroe’s family-in-law before Hamilton declared a duel to which Aaron Burr stopped from happening. 
  • Monroe moved to Albemarle County, Virginia to be near his friend and mentor, Thomas Jefferson. His farm Highland actually shared a border with Jefferson’s Monticello. With the addition of their colleague James Madison—whose home in Orange County, Virginia was situated on their way to and from Washington. Three presidents of the United States were neighbors. 
  • When Monroe was Governor of Virginia in 1800, hundreds of slaves from Virginia planned to kidnap him, take Richmond, and negotiate for their freedom. Due to a storm on August 30, they were unable to attack. Monroe influenced the Executive Council to pardon and sell some slaves instead of hanging them.
  • 1803, Thomas Jefferson sent him to France to assist Robert Livingston with the negotiation of New Orleans. Finding Napoleon strapped for cash and willing to sell the entirety of the Louisiana Territory, Monroe took advantage of a deal that would double the size of the nation.
  • As Envoy to Spain, Monroe took a journey by mule from Paris to Madrid to negotiate with Spain for the Floridas. 
  • During James Madison’s presidency, James Monroe held TWO cabinet positions at once–Secretary of War and Secretary of State. He was the only person in America’s history to of held TWO cabinet positions at the same time. 
  • Monroe’s first presidential term was coined the Era of Good Feelings.
  • His inauguration was the first ever to of been done outside. 
  • His daughter–Maria–was also the first to be married at the white house!
  • James Monroe was the first president to travel by steamboat. Towns across the country greeted him with parades, lavish dinners, and other grand events. The city of Charleston, South Carolina actually barbecued an ox in honor of his visit.
  • 1820, Monroe saw no opposing candidates, and he was re-elected with all but one electoral votes. The one electoral vote against him was the result of a man who wanted George Washington to be the only president elected unanimously. This was the last time the United States saw a candidate run without serious opposition- Monroe was the only president besides Washington to do so.
  • James Monroe has a song about him written at the time of his presidential campaign called “Monroe is the man”. 
  • One time, William Crawford (secretary of treasury) called on Monroe at the White House to suggest a list of appointments he wished the President to approve. However, Monroe objected to Crawford’s list and said that he intended to make his own. Crawford lost his cool and snapped at the President, “Well, if you will not appoint persons well-qualified for the places, tell me whom you will appoint that I may get rid of their opportunities!”. The President was not intimidated by Crawford, telling his Treasury Secretary, “Sir, that is none of your damn business.“ Crawford was not easily intimidated, either (he killed a man in a duel years earlier). Monroe’s remark led Crawford to charge at the 67 year old President with his cane, waving it at Monroe while calling him a “damned infernal old scoundrel.”  Monroe was quick to grab two red hot tongs from a nearby fireplace for self-defense and threatened to personally throw Crawford out of the White House. 
  • Monrovia, Liberia is the only foreign capital in the world named after a United States president. 
  • Monroe was recognizably old-fashioned in choosing his attire. He was the last president to dress in the style of the Revolutionary War era (which was considered outdated) and was called nickname “The Last Cocked Hat.”
  • James Monroe was sent a drawing of a penis while he was president with a goofy note. 
  • Because the white house burned down in the War of 1812 and the white house fund was broke- James Monroe had to dip into his own pocket to fix the white house and provide dinners for his guests. His wife Elizabeth chose all of the inside decor and furniture! By the time he finished his presidencies, he had lost his Virginia estate and was $75,000 in debt partly due to his wife’s poor health who likely had epilepsy and severe burns from when she collapsed near a fire. 
  • James Monroe burned his correspondence with his wife after she died. He also burned many of his papers/letters in an attempt to keep a private life. When Elizabeth died, he predicted he would not live any longer. Elizabeth had been his political adviser and James frequently sought her advise.  
  • Shortly before his death, James Madison and James Monroe (best friends and rivals) sent each other a heart felt letter. Monroe felt that he was fading and sent Madison a letter detailing how much he thought of him, and appreciated him, loved him through the years and how depressed he was that he would never see Madison ever again. Madison, getting emotional (who knew) sent him a letter back, scolding him that he shouldn’t be so negative because Monroe was going to get better and they were going to be able to hold one another again. Monroe never did get better. 
  • Like John Adams and Thomas Jefferson before him, James Monroe died on July 4th on the 55th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence. 
  • Monroe’s last words were, “I only regret that I should leave this world without again beholding him.” you wondering how this “him” was? IT WAS FUCKING JAMES MADISON. HE WAS TALKING ABOUT JAMES MADISON WHEN HE DIED. 
  • After his death, family were careful to place James in perfect alignment next to his wife. 

this little shit

so hey do you think Izuku ever asked All Might who “Toshinori” could be, because Gran Torino mentioned the name once and figured it must’ve been someone fairly important??

and All Might just. spurts blood in surprise and he’s all flustered and replies with something like “W-W-WELL, MY BOY, UM….. W-WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT NAME??”

and Izuku replies, oblivious, “Well, when I first met him, Gran Torino called me it. I thought he was just a senile old man at first, but I know that’s not true now. I thought the name might’ve belonged to someone he taught before, or it might be someone you might know…”

‘MORE SO THAN YOU REALIZE, MY BOY!!’ Toshinori internally screams

Izuku continued, “… then again, it might just be a random name. He was playing dumb with me to get me to let my guard down…”

Toshinori, meanwhile, may or may not be panicking as Izuku muses to himself

cornbreadcrumbs  asked:

I find myself in a Jon Snow mood. A lot has been said (rightly so) about Jon's mistakes and failings. What about Jon Snow appeals to you? What are his best qualities in your opinion, and what has he done to earn his spot as hero and head of the dragon?

What appeals to me about Jon is that GRRM has constructed his arc so that whenever Jon starts to act like The Hero in the most predictable, single-minded sense, he gets diverted and/or slapped down, and is forced to grow and learn in more interesting ways. That’s not to say the related tropes are bad, and indeed, they’re still very much there! But GRRM does not allow Jon to lean on those tropes to get through his story. They will not guide him, they will not mold him, they will not save him. This is the sort of thing that shapes Jon Snow:

Donal Noye leaned forward, into Jon’s face. “Now think on this, boy. None of these others have ever had a master-at-arms until Ser Alliser. Their fathers were farmers and wagonmen and poachers, smiths and miners and oars on a trading galley. What they know of fighting they learned between decks, in the alleys of Oldtown and Lannisport, in wayside brothels and taverns on the kingsroad. They may have clacked a few sticks together before they came here, but I promise you, not one in twenty was ever rich enough to own a real sword.” His look was grim. “So how do you like the taste of your victories now, Lord Snow?”

“Don’t call me that!” Jon said sharply, but the force had gone out of his anger. Suddenly he felt ashamed and guilty.

“The old man is Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch,” Sam reminded him. “You’ll be with him day and night. Yes, you’ll pour his wine and see that his bed linen is fresh, but you’ll also take his letters, attend him at meetings, squire for him in battle. You’ll be as close to him as his shadow. You’ll know everything, be a part of everything … and the Lord Steward said Mormont asked for you himself!

“When I was little, my father used to insist that I attend him in the audience chamber whenever he held court. When he rode to Highgarden to bend his knee to Lord Tyrell, he made me come. Later, though, he started to take Dickon and leave me at home, and he no longer cared whether I sat through his audiences, so long as Dickon was there. He wanted his heir at his side, don’t you see? To watch and listen and learn from all he did. I’ll wager that’s why Lord Mormont requested you, Jon. What else could it be? He wants to groom you for command!”

Jon was taken aback. It was true, Lord Eddard had often made Robb part of his councils back at Winterfell. Could Sam be right? Even a bastard could rise high in the Night’s Watch, they said. “I never asked for this,” he said stubbornly.

“None of us are here for asking,” Sam reminded him.

And suddenly Jon Snow was ashamed.

Craven or not, Samwell Tarly had found the courage to accept his fate like a man. On the Wall, a man gets only what he earns, Benjen Stark had said the last night Jon had seen him alive. You’re no ranger, Jon, only a green boy with the smell of summer still on you. He’d heard it said that bastards grow up faster than other children; on the Wall, you grew up or you died.

Now, of course, the Hero Must Learn a Lesson. That’s super tropey. But what makes it different is the message coming through: being a badass in the training yard and elevating the warrior corps of the NW above the others are not what make you a hero, and may indeed reflect your blind spots. Donal telling Jon that he can only wipe the floor with his future brothers because he was raised as an elite is one of GRRM’s most direct political assertions in the series, and is an absolutely vital moment for Jon’s arc going forward. Jon’s failure to understand the ramifications of being the Lord Commander’s squire pays off four books later when he makes Satin his squire; he’s learned in the interim what that position means, and the empathy he experienced for Sam is emotionally and thematically connected to his elevation of Satin.

James Monroe once chased his secretary of treasury around the white house with a pair of fire tongs.

William Crawford (secretary of treasury) called on James Monroe at the White House to suggest a list of appointments for patronage recommendations he wished the President to consult upon. However, Monroe objected to Crawford’s list and said that he intended to make his own. Crawford lost his cool and snapped at the President, “Well, if you will not appoint persons well-qualified for the places, tell me whom you will appoint that I may get rid of their opportunities!” he then demanded to know who he was going to appoint. The President was not intimidated by Crawford then replying: “Sir, that is none of your damn business.“ Crawford was also not easily intimidated, either (he killed a man in a duel years earlier). Monroe’s remark led Crawford to charge at the 67 year old President with his cane, waving it at Monroe while calling him a “damned infernal old scoundrel.”  Monroe was quick to grab TWO RED HOT tongs from a nearby fireplace for self-defense and when he threatened to personally throw Crawford out of the White House and the secretary did not comply, Monroe proceeded to chase him out of the executive mansion WITH THE FIRE TONGS. 

The Bucharest Way

Pairing/Characters: Bucky Barnes (he goes under the name Jamie while in Bucharest – I made that up, don’t hit me), Steve Rogers (mentioned)
Warnings: angst if you really, really analyse this piece (don’t do that hahahah)
A day in the peaceful life of Bucky Barnes while in Bucharest.
Word Count: 1.2k+
A/N: This is the most unclimactic thing I have ever written. It’s tame but I like it.

Originally posted by nerdyfandomimagines

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Peter Parker - Three

One | Two // Their first date (final)

Add (remove) yourself to (from) my taglist!


“Is there anyway we could have movie night at your place tonight?” You looked up from the cash register, sneaking a quick glance at Peter standing right in front of you. He looked up to see if your boss was paying attention to you two – your boss had kicked Peter out quite a few times for being a distraction – and went back to whispering to you. “May’s gonna be there all night – I’d love to avoid any sexual innuendos.” You giggled into your hand, nodding your head.

“My dad’s going out on business, but my mom has the late shift tonight at the hospital. You can stay over! We bought a new blow up mattress.” Peter smiled at you, nodding again before going back to pretending to look at the candy bars in front of him.

“You actually gonna buy something today, Parker?” Mr. Fowler, your boss, walked up to the counter, eyeing Peter skeptically. Peter looked back at the candy arrangement, shrugging his shoulders. “Or did you just come by to flirt with my cashier again?” Your face reddened and so did Peter’s, but not so obviously. Peter shrugged again, looking over at you.

“She is pretty,” he smiled at you, holding his arms up in defense when Mr. Fowler told him to ‘pay up or get out’. Peter told you he’d see you tonight, waving Mr. Fowler off as he walked out of the pharmacy.

“Your boyfriend’s annoying.” Before you could tell him that Peter wasn’t your boyfriend, Mr. Fowler had already disappeared into the back of the store – leaving you at the empty front to think about the fact that Peter Parker just called you cute. The same boy who couldn’t even brush his hand against yours, while walking next to you, without stumbling out rushed and fumbled apologies just called you… cute?

Did I just call her… cute? Jesus Christ, Parker. Peter shook his head to himself, heading toward his apartment to pack an extra set of clothes for himself, knowing anything you had wouldn’t fit or flatter him. He walked into the apartment, shouting for Aunt May. He didn’t hear a response so he assumed she went out grocery shopping.

“You called?” Peter nearly jumped, his hand slamming against his chest to restart his heart as he tried to catch his breath.

“Jesus, May. You can’t sneak up on me like that.” She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Really? Can’t sneak up on Spider-Man?” Peter gave her a shy smile, turning toward his dresser to pick out some sweats and an old white t-shirt. “Where ya’ going?” Peter picked out a fresh pair of boxers, too, shoving a couple of DVD’s in there with them.

“Uh – to (Y/N)’s. Her parents are gonna be out and she doesn’t want to be home alone.” Peter gave her a lame excuse, not wanting May to ask questions but also not wanting to accidentally hurt her feelings by telling her he needed a little space – or, rather, alone time with you. May hummed, nodding.

“I won’t be here tonight, either.” Peter raised his eyebrow, looking at her skeptically. “I have a third date tonight.” This caused him to narrow his eyes at her.

“Why didn’t I hear or know about the first and second date?” She shrugged, picking up one of his small collectibles and twirling it between her fingers.

“I don’t talk about dates with my nephew. But, tonight might lead to something–!”

“Oh, god, May. That you definitely shouldn’t be talking about with your nephew.” Peter twisted his face in disgust, trying to shake the image out of his head. May laughed lightly, nodding as she walked out of his room.

“Just call me later – so I know you’re safe.” He nodded, even though May didn’t see it.

“Yeah, you too. I want to hear about this date – just the date part. Need to make sure he’s good enough for you.” May smiled at the back of her nephew’s head, softly humming to herself, heading into her room to get ready.

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My Own|| Old Man Logan + Laura

Originally posted by red-hoocl

Requested by Anon; these should all be posted by later tomorrow! I can get two out today and two out tomorrow!

Prompt:  Could you make Logan request where Y/N and Logan are fighting about taking Laura to North Dakota (you worked with Gabriella in the hospital) and he gets all mad at her and asks why she cares so much and she says something like “Just because you don’t claim her as your child doesn’t mean I won’t! I love that girl and I’m not going to let anything happen to her, with or without you.” and they end up making up w/ a very fluffy ending?

This is short, but I hope you enjoy!

Tag List: @house-of-penguin @drewkelliii @weasleytheking @agirlinherhead @itsbrittbrattt @xavier-chxrles @katiedreamy @cleanslates @let-it-go-and-live-again @liveourlifelikenobodyelse @avengers-bucky-fanfic @buckybabble @castawaybarnes @rivertales @tigers-have-teeth 


You were sitting in the passenger seat of the car Laura had stolen shortly after the massacre at the Munson Farm, where X-24 had killed Charles Xavier and nearly killed Logan. The entire fiasco had been to get to Laura and return her to the arms of Transigen. You’d been a co-worker to Gabriella inside the Facility, which was how you’d grown so close to young Laura Kinney to begin with. 

That also happened to be how you’d come across The Wolverines path. Logan Howlett was a cruel, narcissistic, grief ridden old man who had seen too much and had never lived enough. You’d taken her in as your own daughter whenever Gabriella had died - and then she’d grown incredibly protective over you. 

You were human. She wasn’t. 

You knew an argument was coming to light whenever you sent Laura into the gas station for food, turning your attention towards The Wolverine who was white knuckling the steering wheel. He’d obtained serious injuries through his altercation with X-24, knocking him into a 24 hour coma to regain the minimum amount of strength he’d lost in the endeavor. That wasn’t was threw you for a loop. 

It was the way he kept looking at Laura. The resentment that flashed across his face as you flipped open the XMEN comic tucked beneath your leg and set it on the dashboard. “That girl has never known a family in her entire life, not until she’d grown up with all those kids in Transigen. I would know. I helped raise her, you imbecile. Can you explain to me why you can’t find the space in your heart to let her in?” 

Logan slammed his hand against the comic book which caused you to jump several feet in your seat. “You may think she’s mine y/n but the face of the matter is, she was built from me. She’s not my blood and she is definitely not my daughter!” He snarled. Most people would’ve been terrified at the animalistic tendencies that radiated off of the old man, but not you. You’d been around him long enough to learn to deal with demons. A week was enough time to learn the facade most people fabricated. “Why do you care about her so much? And you call me the narcissist-” 

  “That would be because you are a narcissist, you imbecile.” You snapped, crossing your arms over your chest out of irritation. “You’ve never learned to care for someone long term because everyone you have ever loved has died. I understand how that overtake you. It’s terrible. But for you to literally disown your own blood that you haven’t gotten to know yet.. It’s pathetic.” 

  “You don’t get it, do you!? Everything in that book is a LIE. Eden is not real! I should know because if it was, my life wouldn’t be a living hell!” Before you could react to the sudden tension that filled the car you were pressed against the window, Logans torso pressed against your own as you slowly lifted your eyes to meet his own. You were completely trapped in the crevice by the passenger seat. “Why-Why do you care so much?” 

  “Just because you don’t claim her as your child doesn’t mean I won’t! I love that girl and I’m not going to let anything happen to her, with or without you.“ You replied quietly as your cheeks suddenly became flushed at the sudden realization of how close Logan actually was to you. In the distance the sun was just beginning to set over the trees, casting a golden hue over the valley as day slowly morphed into nightfall. “I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe.” 

Logan cursed under his breath and released you from his grip, shifting his body so he was upright in the drivers side of the car as you eyed Laura sitting outside the station and casually sipping Pepsi from a bottle. “We’re getting close to bordering on normality. You’ve endured enough.. and you’re one of the few humans I know with a drop of humanity left. I’m not letting you make that trip by yourself.” 

You brought yourself to your knees and rested your hand against his shoulder as your lips dragged across his cheek; slowly but surely, warm lips meeting his scarred skin as you kissed his cheek. Your heartbeat slammed against your sternum as you pulled away for him only to smile to himself, choosing to remain silent as he tried to block out the burning sensation on his cheek from your touch. 

Oh.. he was screwed. 

Laura grinned widely when you motioned for her to join the two of you in the car, scooting closer to Logan and tentatively wrapping your fingers around his knee. A shiver ran down his spine at the intimate contact, but as he met your warm gaze in the dark through his peripheral vision, he felt a sense of peace wash over him as he slid the key into the ignition. 

  “Time to go to Eden, kids.” 

The Bear’s Lady

Imagine being Beorn’s wife.

Word count: 1884

“Come on, get inside!” Someone cried, disturbing your slumber. Something smashes against the door, startling you awake. Thinking that it might just be your husband, you turn over, pulling the blanket back up to your chin. More thuds make you frown. Beorn wouldn’t come to the house in bear form, unless things were more dire than you could imagine. “Open the door!” You frown, hearing the same voice speaking. It is not Beorn.

“Quickly!” Another voice roars. Swinging your feet over the side of the bed, you grab your large shawl, wrapping it around your shoulders. The night is not cold, and usually you sleep naked, more than warm enough with Beorn in the bed with you, but tonight he had smelled Orcs on the wind and gone hunting, keeping the riverlands safe from the black scourge.

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Shit I’ve said while playing various video games

“Come hither, you fuck.”

“I’m completely ignoring my duties so I can date this cute boy/girl/_____.”

“Oh look at me I’m adorable, I’m gonna kill a _____!”

“I’m so fucking proud of myself……I’m trash.”

“Awwww look at that! S/he/it loves me! You can tell by how its jaw is unhinged over my face and the fact that it’s drooling on me~!!”

“No. Nope. Nah. No thank you–I SAID NO. No no no no nononnono—”

“S/he’s the best bug/_____ ever, oh oh and also? Fuck you s/he’s mine.”

“It’s too late to propose to me now! Don’t even think about it doing right here there’s a goddamn corpse in this room!”

“Honestly if he were my butler/lord/______ I’d have a very hard time being a proper lady.”

“People die in basements. I am not going down there.”

“He called me a lady. ….No one has ever called me that before.”

“YES! Give me the high quality meat! Yessss throw it at my face.”

“It’s going to kill me I just know it is.”

“At least _____ is nice to me.”

“Back it up there friend—I SAID BACK IT UP THERE BUDDY.”

“He’s the nicest bug/person/_____ here and he didn’t call me little. I’m going to marry him.”

“My reward should be that you touch my fucking face. That’s what I want.”

“He’d better be an old man, I swear to god.”

“I just want to see _____ again, is that so much to ask?”

“We need to get the fuck out of here, I think it eats children.”

“I’m not afraid of you, I have a _____! Oh..oh wait I forgot to bring it shit.”

“Pat me on the head and tell me I did gooooooooodddddddd.”


“I’m too full of sin to die here.”

“I may be small and cute but that doesn’t mean I can’t rip your spinal cord out of your ankle.”

“Please be sensible.”

“I feel like I messed that up but at least I tried.”

“If you even think about touching my garden I’m going to stuff your corpse into the scarecrow outside.”

“The beacon in this hellhole is that fact that you’re waiting for me…and this shotgun. Mostly this shotgun.”

“The treasure at the end of this quest? Me.”

“I’m the smallest one here, that means you have to throw me at the _____.”

“Does that mean I’m pretty?”

“Not today bitch, not today not tooooddaaaayyyyyy~”

“You aren’t worth it, I’m sorry. You’re not worth getting my face impaled repeatedly on death spikes.”

“I haven’t told _____ that I want to touch his/her’s face with my mouth yet I CAN’T DIE.”

“After I hit the ground I’m going to slap you. Even if I die I’m going to slap you.”


“It’s okay. I’ve passed through this room hundreds of times and I never saw a person/monster/______ so it’s saf–AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH OH MY GOD WHY WHY FUCK WHY?!?!”

“YES my favorite is here!!!!”

“The sheer amount of joy I’ll get from rubbing your face in this is going to be enormous.”

“God fucking damn it _____ you’re so lucky that I want your goddamn ______.”

“I’m covered in dirt, bird shit, leaves, blood and the corpse of _____ but at least I’m here.”

“It’s so beautiful…so horrifyingly beautiful I almost forgot that it wants to ram me on that meat hook over there. Almost.”

“I’m balls-deep in cold, hard cash.”

Dear Rhett and Link,

As a kingdom of Mythical Beasts, we (particularly your LGBTQQIA fans and allies) wanted to thank you for choosing the Trevor Project for Gifticality this month. So several of us have written to let you know what it means to see you supporting LGBTQ people. 

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Not Good Enough | Peter Parker Imagine Part 1 |

Anonymous requested: Can you please do a DC and Marvel crossover imagine where reader is a part of the batfam, and she’s like super self-conscious. And then the avengers need their help and she is crushing on Peter (Parker) and her brothers like unintentionally make fun of her and she gets super embarrassed and runs away? Idk that might be super confusing.
I can do that! I made the reader 18 (so is Peter in this) and Bruce’s actual child, and Damian’s full sibling, meaning she was trained by the league, contributing to the self-doubt she has. I hope I portrayed the self-consciousness of the reader right. If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone, you can always talk to me xx
Also this is going to split into 3 parts. I can’t help myself. It’s becoming a problem.

Summary: Life as a Wayne child was hard, made harder by the Avengers sudden need for you.

Warnings: Swearing, self-degrading talk, self-conscious reader, asshole paparazzi, unintentional bullying, I think that’s it?

Originally posted by donnatroya

Originally posted by mysharona1987

Living in a family like yours made things more difficult than you’d care to admit. Being one of the children of Wayne put you in the limelight, something that you hated. While your brothers weren’t exactly fans of it, they weren’t reported about in the same way.

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San Junipero

Title: San Junipero 

Pairing: Kevin Keller x Joaquin 

Warnings: Some angst, maybe some slight cursing. 

Summary: It finally hits Kevin when Betty asks him how he is doing- He’s gone. He remembers the vaguest things about Joaquin and misses every single thing about him. 
That’s when he makes a decision. 

A/N: You waited forever and it’s finally here- a Joavin fic! 
And, listen; yes, it is a very short fic but I always like to leave room for a part two. 
Do you guys think I should continue this or not? 
Also note that I haven’t seen the episode from Black Mirror that the town originated from and I only know half of the story so there may be some mistakes! 
As always feedback is greatly appreciated and I hope y’all enjoy! 

Tag List; @sunshine51879 @dempsey-mantle @emotional-wrek-hello @day-dreaming-nightmare @nafa1604 @aezthetically @theselfishllama @angstylittleteen 

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NSFW warning! This story is alittle gross. I work at a vape shop. We sell batteries, juice, etc. The location we’re in was a cell phone store before they went out of business. For some reason, we get really odd phone calls from people looking for random things. Unfortunately I got the pleasure of speaking to an older man who some how got our number.
Me: “thank you for calling _____, how may I help you?”
C: (very hush hush voice) “hi, I was wondering if you guys sold.. vaginal dialators for elderly women that are…looking to start seeing men again?…”
Me: “this is a smoke shop”
C: “what’s that? So you guys don’t sell them?”

WHYYY?!?! Normally I’d figure this was a stupid prank call, but no. This man was old, and very serious. Like, I could have gone my whole life happily not knowing they made those or that old men were buying them for the women they’re seeing, but now I’m scared for life.

Mr. Parker

Pairing | Peter Parker x Reader

This is high key atrocious

Warnings | none just fluff.

Originally posted by spydoor-man

Peter was in a rush. There was a crime to be stopped just a few moments ago which caused him to be late for his study date with you. He began then pushing through the crowd to get to the library in his high school, instead of just walking through, but he ended up pushing the wrong person. Flash Thompson. “What do you want, Parker?” Flash asked, pushing him down to the floor. “I-I didn’t m-m-mean to I-I just I–.” Peter tried explaining, but just ended up stumbling over his words.

“Whatever, Parker.” Flash said, backing Peter up against one of the lockers, “How about I–.” But before Flash could finish, “What did Peter ever do you you, Eugene?” (Y/N) asked, her hands on her hips. At that, Flash angrily sighed, looking back at Peter, “Next time this happens, you’re dead Parker.” Flash then began walking away, causing Peter to look at Y/N.

“Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” Peter asked Y/N referencing ‘Star Wars’, causing you to lightly chuckle. He never fails to make you smile.

You briefly kissed him on the cheek and said, “Just tall enough. Let’s go brainiac.” Then, grabbed his hand leading the both of you to the library.

You sat there confused as Peter attempted to explain physics to you. You probably could have gotten it but, ironically, science wasn’t your best subject.

“Earth to Y/N” Peter said bringing you back to your senses.

“Sorry. Mr. Parker My tutor is just so adorable when he’s explaining science to me.” You said teasingly.

“Can you not call me Mr. Parker? It makes me feel old.” He said ignoring the slight flush in his cheeks. It only made me laugh more.

“You wanna do something else? Because it’s obvious you don’t wanna pay attention.”

“Let’s hangout at your house. Hopefully Aunt May will tell me more child stories and pictures about you.” You grinned. Knowing he would now say no.

“Lets not. Come on. I have something to show you.” Peter said packing up his books while you did the same. “Wait outside for me?”



“Yeah. Put your arms around me and hang on tight.”


Since Viacom had taken down the previous LSB video clips and now that the episode aired on Spike, it is thankfully now forever going to be on Spike’s Youtube page. 

I am NOT going to tell you how many times I have watched this since it aired in May. That number will go to my grave with me. But let me give you my thoughts on this:

This very performance was what hooked me on Tom. He went behind the umbrellas looking like a 12 year old having done a cute (but also very impressive and smooth - people commented on his great tap skills) Singing in the Rain number and came out looking like a 25 year old hot man in drag and showed us his incredible dance and acrobatic skills but what truly got me was his utter confidence and giving zero fucks if some homophobic douchebag would call him “gay” just because his feminine moves were too on point. His confidence and him owning it despite being very nervous (as we found out later) were the biggest turn on for me. Like I want a man that comfortable in his own skin.

And as he said himself, he never did “this type of dancing” before, but yet with minimal rehearsals (he said they had three) he fucking nailed it; his moves , especially when he first came out as Rhi were clean and so well-executed, and his facial expressions throughout were spot-on..Like the look he gives when he slut-drops to his umbrella in the gif below..

His upper body is flexible, allowing him to do the body rolls very effortlessly while so many women would have a hard time doing them as good as he did. And afterwards when he first moved his hips like that you can hear a very loud guy in the audience go “WOAH!”, ha ha. That is one of many males questioning their sexuality watching this performance, lol. He turned on people of all sexual orientations: straight guys, gay guys, straight women, lesbians, no one was safe.

And then the sexy look he had in his eyes when he walks to Z, pointing at her. Dead. Then the rain starts, making everything even sexier than it already is. What kind of a porn show is this?! Help!!..And he goes into his more masculine moves, spidey skills, and the highlight for me is the last gif below when he is on the floor and does that sexy body move followed by running his finger through his mouth. I mean at that point I was gone..Fuck me! He was so hot.

And the finale the (handless) front flip death drop on a WET FLOOR. Do you know how utterly wrong it could have gone? That was sooo extra and so perfect, and NOT an easy thing to do even if you have basic gymnastic abilities and are doing it on dry floor. 

And when it was over, he rose, with that serious “that is how you do it!” look on his face and did that very English stage bow….