you make me feel shit

Like I get it when people try to say “hey be healthy not fat” but when they say “literally nobody will marry you because you’re fat” it makes me feel like shit TBH.

I’m trying to lose weight but I struggle cause of anxiety and cause of my health and joint issues. Literally the only reasons I’ve lost weight recently is cause I’ve been pretty much not eating (cause of my meds killing my appetite, not intentionally) or because my stomach flips out about something i ate.

Like last year I lost 30 pounds in one month because I was in the hospital and it made me so sick.

Idk I just worry so much about my body and whether or not my weight affects my appeal. And when people say things like that it just feels really shitty. I’m well aware of my health, and I don’t mind that. But don’t tell me that someone can’t love me.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.