I guess I shouldn’t pretend that I didn’t feel the end coming, some words come easier than the truth. I’ve been saving my thoughts for a rainy day, but it’s everyday. I’ve been saving my feelings for a better day, there’s no better day than today, right? I’ve been saving every dime to buy myself a new smile, I’d go broke just to see it happen. I’ve been saving my heart for someone special, I really should just look into the fucking mirror. and the only thing distance has taught me is how far my feelings can travel, how breaking windows with loose change only makes my pockets deeper. they will tell you that distance is why we love harder - we’re always stretching for words to find the meaning our hands close on alone, trying to find ways to hold on while borrowing breaths we don’t have. After a while, it’ll feel like I never even knew you… but loving you was worth losing you. I guess I really shouldn’t write about you anymore, but I will. I guess I really shouldn’t love you anymore, but I will. I guess I really shouldn’t dwell on the past anymore, but I will. The drugs will sound a little softer the next time my heart decides to sound out your name in a rhythm of hey, i remember you like it was yesterday, the way your smile invited my lips over for a conversation, the way your body language said we’ll be just fine, you and i, the way your heart doesn’t beat like it used to, the way my eyes looks when it’s past 24 hours of no sleep, the way my words seem like a maze, the way that i’ve wronged you, the way that i write about it in every metaphor, the way that we weren’t meant to work, but we did and that’s the worst part, isn’t it? even love turns its back on you.
I have a question that may be silly, but I dunno who else to ask. I'm a new witch, and I smoke weed. I'm finding it hard to meditate unless I'm high, even if it's just a tiny buzz. But, I can't do it otherwise and I have been trying for months. I almost feel like I'm cheating. Does this make it less valid, should I try harder, should I avoid weed at all? Sorry for bothering you!