you made this world why not explore it

It Takes A Long Time To Get Over Yourself

Oh, man. This letter has taken me an embarrassingly long time to write. Probably because I haven’t written anything but e-mails and Tweets for 12 years.

If the last year has taught me anything, it’s this: it takes a long time to get over yourself.

Last March, after 7 years on the road, I decided to take a break. I was excited about this. I’d imagined myself watching tv all day, being a “chill person”, eating doughnuts because I didn’t have to wear latex catsuits anymore. The reality was not quite the joy ride I’d been expecting.

I’ve been an artist for over a decade but up until this year, I hadn’t realised how much my sense of self had been defined by my role as an artist. I’d never thought of “Marina and the Diamonds” as a persona or a construct, and I didn’t think the stage-me was very different to the sofa-me. MATD was an exciting vehicle that helped me express ideas and thoughts to people. But just as people construct online personas, artist construct visual ones, and over time, the lines between art and reality can drift apart. 

I can’t remember when I first became conscious of it but I started to feel like there were two parts of me, artist self and private self, and there was nothing in between to link the two anymore. I was one or the other, and neither part of my personality could be present in the same environment. Perhaps because I’d spent most of the past 8 years devoted to being an artist and this hadn’t presented many opportunities for other parts of my personality to grow. When one part of a personality dominates, other parts shrink and life can take on an unreal, two-dimensional quality. I felt confused as to why I no longer felt like I fit into the world I’d built. I don’t think my feelings are exceptional (particularly in entertainment) but I wonder if you are someone who has experienced this in a different context.

I’ve always been interested in identity. In my twenties, I felt frustrated by how regularly my identity seemed to shift and change until I began to consider the idea that a fixed self may not exist. I explored this in “Electra Heart” by deconstructing aspects of female identity in a portrayal of female archetypes. However, the past year has made me re-examine this idea. Not being able to equate my identity to a job, project or visible entity has created a lot of discomfort and uncertainty in me. Which has been a surprise, as I thought I felt secure in myself. How can I be so sure of who I am if I am so susceptible to change? A lot of what contributes to our idea of identity is down to pure chance - ethnicity, social class, upbringing, religion, job, relationships - who are we without those influences?

Everything in western culture feels so geared towards self-definition, but I wonder if having a looser idea of yourself could make life richer. The past year hasn’t been full of rainbows - I feel like my brain has been brutally rewired - but letting go of a perceived idea of myself has resulted in a new kind of personal freedom. My image is no longer a main source of identity, nor are previous signifiers like clothing (more on this in a future post), designer brands + other things I subconsciously used to define myself.

Lasting change rarely happens over night. This past year has been painful and slow. But I’m in a more genuine space than I was a year ago and I would never want to go back to that stunted way of being again. In fact, the only solace I had in this period was being able to read the books and blogs of other people experiencing significant life transitions, so I hope this might be of help to anyone who is going through a similar stage.

Truth is, I’m not planning ahead much right now. I am indeed going through my “what should I do with the rest of my life” phase that most people go through at 21. Which is… cool. But I’m grateful to have the opportunity to explore different interests, and starting marinabook is a part of that. I’m starting a Psychology course soon, which I am SO excited about, and I’m ready for a brand new chapter. I hope you’ll be a part of it.

Some people have been asking about new music and I’m always flattered to be asked. I know one year is like an aeon in digital time! The honest answer is I don’t know when that will be, but the connection I have with music has always flowered from an honest connection with myself, and I trust my instincts. Whenever I get back on stage again, I would love to feel like I am the sum of my parts, not the sum of a persona or an image. That’s the goal. A lot of reality with a little bit of fantasy. So, marinabook is a way for us to stay connected while I work that out.

I miss you all!

Ask a question or share thoughts here.

Love from,

Further Reading

Brilliant explanation of personas here. 5 minute read.

Podcast on how our views about the Self affect our views on death.  By “Philosophy Bites”.  15 minutes.

Illustration by Lan Truong

Horizon Zero Dawn and Cultural appropriation: A very different view.

For the first time EVER, I’m sitting on the other side of a discussion about appropriating native culture.  Why?  Well, let me lay the framework.

First off, I’m not a guy who “knows a Native American” or has a “Native friend”  I am a 100% Anishinabe (Ojibway) dude who lives on reserve and has fought racism, stereotypes, pan-Indianism, and cultural appropriation fiercely for as long as I can remember. I’ve been the victim of horrendous racial violence as a child, adolescent, and adult, and I’m also a gamer.

I am the first to point out anything that smacks of any of the above and after I saw the Dia Lacina essay on “Horizon: Zero Dawn” being culturally insensitive and appropriating Native culture, I felt for the first time in a situation like this that I had to say something in rebuttal.

Lacina takes issue with the use of the words Tribal, Primitive, Braves, and Savage being used in the game (fyi they’re used to describe predominantly white people in game and they’re White words we didn’t use to describe ourselves thus I claim no ownership of, nor want to, anymore than I want to be a redskin, Indian or Wahoo)  

It seems (IMO) that most of her beef comes from an apparent belief that numerous aspects of generic tribal culture that appear in the game (making clothing from skins, hunting with spears and bows, living in a Matriarchal society, etc) are the sole domain of the Native American and just to be safe and cleverly keep her POV less subject to scrutiny, she applies it even more broadly to indigenous people world wide (I will just refer to us in particular as NA cuz I’m lazy and I also don’t refer to myself as a Native American) and basically that anything that is remotely “tribal” shouldn’t be used in gaming without our or someone else’s permission.

 In fairness, I don’t know if she’s actually played the game but as someone who is currently in the midst of doing exactly that, I can tell you that I have a pretty good idea of what stuff triggered her being upset and why, and while I absolutely respect her right to get offended by whatever she likes, and she makes excellent points about some other games, I am going to point out that there are flaws with this logic.

First of all, the basics: HZD is set in a post-post-apocalyptic future where people are living in tribal groups in a very destroyed world.  Machines exist but as hybrid animal/dinosaur type creatures and technology is pretty much non-existent in day to day human life.  

The heroine of the story is a red haired, white girl named Aloy who lives as an outcast with her adopted father, Rost.  Without giving a lot away, they are fiercely shunned by the local tribe for something Rost did and also the fact that Aloy is motherless.  

Impressively and rightly, though somewhat dismissively remarked upon by Lacina, is the way women and especially women of color are portrayed so positively in-game as this particular tribe is a total Matriarchy run by elders of various ethnicity.  African, Asian, White, and a variety of undefined people of color are common everywhere in the game.  (The leader of one band of warriors is a very fierce, commanding, intelligently portrayed black woman with a powerful presence.)  It reflects a fairly global society from a “skin color” perspective without any horrible accents or broken speech.

They worship an “All-Mother” goddess and their culture is (at least how I saw a lot of it) fairly heavy on European i.e. Celtic, Germanic, Scandinavian, etc type symbolism and the rest is filled in with mostly generic tribal-ish stuff that you could find in countless cultures around the world.

 I really didn’t get a “Native American” vibe off the game.  Of course, I don’t automatically presume to claim sole ownership of things like tribal life, hunting with bows and spears, and worshiping spirits of various elements solely for my own.  Random fact: Because there are over 500 distinct First Nations in N. America, we, believe it or not, didn’t all ride horses, live in tipis, use bows and arrows, tobacco and sage, and worship Eagles and Wolves.  Why? Well…use your brain.  Tobacco and Sage don’t grow EVERYWHERE, horses came over with the Europeans (and if you saw where I live you couldn’t have and cant for the most part get a horse through the bush if you tried) Eagles and Wolves don’t live EVERYWHERE….get the point?  Anyways….

If you examine Rost, he like most of the men has a braided beard and other seemingly Viking/Middle Ages inspired features, is white, speaks clear, unbroken English, and is a loving, protective and very positive role model for the girl.   Aloy for her part, is also fairly Viking-esque (to the point of looking incredibly like Lagaertha from the show Vikings but with red hair) also Egrit from GoT, and is no damsel in distress who needs men to save her. NOWHERE in the game have I encountered any Tipis, wigwams, Sweatlodges, or Non-White people speaking in stereotypical “Me smoke-um peace pipe, He go dat-a way” fashion.

The  opening cinematic is very touching (and long) as we see the orphaned Aloy as a baby in Rost’s care being carried around in a bundle on his back (which pretty much every culture did in one form or another at some point in time) and him ultimately taking her to the spot where a child of the tribe receives it’s name.

I really liked this idea as it isn’t often portrayed in a lot of mediums outside of stereotypical “Dances With Wolves” bullshit. Also, naming ceremonies are not the sole domain of NA people and what occurs bears zero resemblance to any NA ceremony I know of.  (It was actually a little Lion King at one point lol) But it’s a powerful moment in the beginning with much more that occurs during it but I won’t spoil that either.

Aloy herself is a pretty complex character.  She’s extremely independent, defiant, and questions pretty much everything about why things are the way they are and wants to do something about it.  You actually begin playing her as a 6 year old which is pretty unique and even then she’s tough and fearless and determined to explore her world.  

She is in no way hyper-sexualized (I’m looking your way Overwatch) Her clothing and everyone else’s, is utilitarian and appropriate for the environments she lives in, and so far, I have not encountered anything with her or any other character that made me go “WTF?”and trust me, my radar for that shit is HIGHLY SENSITIVE.  This isn’t Avatar, people.  It’s not John Smith. It’s not The Great Wall or Pocahontas.  This isn’t white dude shows up and saves the helpless non-white people while helpless native woman falls in love with him stuff.  It’s a fictitious future where we maniacs blew it up, damn us all to hell!

But here’s the more annoying thing for me as an actual Anishinabe.  I don’t need people speaking for me or getting offended on my behalf.  I am very capable of doing that myself. I am also in no way writing this claiming to be speaking for any other NA people or persons. It’s based on my observations from actually playing HZD and examining the various fictional “cultural” elements in the game.

If you see a skin tied inside a hoop and automatically assume it’s a dreamcatcher” ripping off “our culture” (FYI Dreamcatchers are a 20th century thing whose popularity was a result of pan-Indianism that exploded in the 70s.) or if you see feathers on a spear or as part of a costume (nowhere is anyone wearing a single eagle feather in the back of a beaded headband or a Dakota looking headdress either) and automatically presume it to be ripping off NA culture, you’re REEEEEEEEEEALY reaching.  If you think caring for the environment, obeying matriarchs, worshipping elemental spirits, or making your own clothes is solely the property of NA culture, see previous statement.

By all means get offended.  Get offended by Chief Wahoo.  Get offended by the Washington Redskins.  Get offended that thousands of Native women have been murdered or gone missing and nothing’s been done about it.  Get offended by Johnny Depp or Robert Beltran playing Native people instead of actual Native people getting those roles.  Get offended by shit like Adam Sandler’s “Ridiculous 6” where a native woman is called a “hot piece of red prairie meat” or Depp’s “Lone Ranger” movie.

Get offended that my family was destroyed by the Residential Schools and that the 60s scoop took babies away from their families and people, that forced sterilizations took place and mass graves of dead Native children exist at former Residential School sites.

Don’t just jump on the I’m offended bandwagon because you saw some feathers or skins or spears or bows in a game and immediately grew indignant and wanted to claim them as OUR culture.  They’re not.  They’re almost globally universal in numerous cultures at various points in time.  Get offended, as she rightly mentioned, when the game Overwatch sexualizes the shit out of almost every female character and takes West Coast tribal art and makes a costume out of it.  

THAT is appropriation.  White people holding powwows in Europe (powwows are also pretty much not traditional and are extremely pan-Indian, not to mention full of us appropriating each other’s Native cultures ie. Dakotas wearing Jingle Dresses, Ojibway wearing Dakota regalia, etc) is appropriation.

This game……I’m just not seeing it the same way.  And I’m nobody.  I have no ties to Guerilla or anybody other than myself and my community.

19 reasons why I’m grateful to Shawn ❤️

You showed us that hard work and dedication pays off and to never give up on our dreams

Thanks to you I got to meet the most amazing people and make friends from all around the world

I got to travel to other countries to be at your shows and also to explore their culture 

You made me never doubt the person you truly are and feel like you’re my friend because this is a person to person relationship

 I’ve never connected to anyone’s music like with yours before and this is something I’m very very grateful 

Experiencing the shows, being part of the Shawn Mendes World Tour and Illuminate World Tour made me believe in magic 

 You being the cute dork and the kindest, funniest person ever put a smile on my face even when I wasn’t happy at all   

I got to meet you a couple of times and every time I felt like I was meeting a friend after a long time and you give the best hugs #fact

Not only you make the best kind of music but your taste in music is amazing too & I love that you share the songs you love with us

You never miss a chance to let us know how much you love us and how our support means the world to you

You always give your best, at every single show, no matter if there are 2000 people watching or 20,000 and that is extremely admirable 

Even tho a lot of people in the fandom are problematic, you handle every situation very maturely 

Your love and passion for music makes me fall in love with everything you do more and more every time if that’s even possible

  You are so mature for your age, you have such a beautiful mind and a pure heart 

You showed us how even tho you get more and more famous every day, you’re still that humble and kind guy we fell in love with years ago  

Your songs are so special to me that it’s the hardest thing to pick one favourite & I literally get offended when someone asks me to choose 

  Never thought someone would sound EVEN BETTER live than recorded but you proved me wrong and I’m so glad you did 

 I’m SO grateful that you’re a literal meme, I can’t tell you how much I love using memes of you #sorrynotsorry (also here’s one of many)     

Thank you for all the amazing memories that I made thanks to supporting you, I’m looking forward to making many more in the future    

Happy Birthday Shawn  ❤️

A reminder to my fellow RPers

“Your character is so unoriginal” is nothing to feel insulted by. The real world is littered with unoriginal people who make up our friends and family. Our fiction is made of unoriginal characters we adore. Unoriginal is another word for popular, and one shouldn’t feel pressured into not playing what they like simply because other people do too.

“Your character is such a snowflake” is quite the same. Narrative worlds allow for you to have a space to imagine things that other formats won’t let you. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a space in which to explore different ideas. If the lore of the medium doesn’t support it, you can still find a nice niche to play it with those that like your character.

“You only RP with your close friends!” happens to be quite a moot point too. We all have a limited time (some more, and some less of it) and nobody owes anyone time if they’d rather have fun with people who they know are like-minded.

“Your writing is awful!” is another rich example, in a hobby in which I’ve seen practically nobody claiming to be good writers themselves. I’ve certainly never seen any roleplayer speaking of their grade A writing ability; only of their love for playing characters. Many of us don’t even live in English-speaking countries. To expect something that was never promised to you is simply delusional.

I’m sure you can think of many more statements blurted out on a daily basis to judge the RP of others, and most can be summed up to people bashing others based on their own, one-sided expectations. Here’s the thing though: RP is a collaborative effort.

We walk a fine line in our hobby, in which sometimes it seems like we have to surrender to the desires of what other expects a character should be like.

Roleplay is an exercise in imagination. You owe nobody originality. You certainly don’t owe anyone having to conform to what the “norm” is, and your time is certainly not public property. Those who want to RP with you will find you, and those who don’t can go elsewhere. Nobody should be shamed for how they spend their time with a hobby that’s basically playing pretend with other people.

There’s only two rules to RP:

  1. Don’t hurt other people OOCly.
  2. Have fun.
Fred Weasley; spontaneous weasley.

Originally posted by moeezaslam

“Roman Holiday” ~ Halsey

Disclaimer: Most lyrics in italics.

Warning(s): Smut, some cussing, recklessness, angst, beware of sadness!

You and the Weasley Twins had just graduated from Hogwarts. The two mischievous red heads were sending off a firework of their departure. Once you saw the bright, red-orange firework explode you beamed. They sprinkled the night sky so brightly. You saw Fred, and smiled at him. The three of you were best friends, you’d usually scorn the two for their mischief being the one to keep them under control.

Fred looked at you and winked. You blushed uncontrollably, George laughed at Fred.

“What’s so funny George?” Fred asked. “How she blushes uncontrollably when you look at her? She always clenches her legs together when you two talk. Come on Fred and just shag already.” George smirked at his twin, who was flustered. “How are you so sure that she likes me?” Fred questioned George. “Bloody hell Fred you’re the most dumbfounded person I know and that’s saying a lot.” George shakes his head.

You looked at the talking Twins curious of their conversation. You left the area, heading to your dorm to pack all your items. You grabbed one of your own books and went in the Common Room to find out a party had been started. You sighed, and dropped off your book. You were about to stay there till one of your friends called your name out.

“Y/N!” Corey called out.

“What Corey?” You huffed. “Fred Weasley wants to talk to you.” Corey breathed. “Oh OK, I’m coming.” You walked out fixing your clothing and hair. You bumped into someone, “Huff! Oh my I’m so sorry!” You then looked up to see Fred grinning at you. You sheepishly smiled, “It’s OK, twinkie.” Fred called you by his nickname for you. “I’ve already told you many times that I hate that nickname.” You pouted. “Anyway why did you want me for?” You interrogate.

“I’ve wanted to know if after we leave Hogwarts. If you want to come with me and George to the Muggle world?” Fred asked. “Sure! That’d be lovely Fred.” You smiled. “Can’t wait to be out of Hogwarts. Yet I’ll still miss my home from home.” You beamed.

“Life is so spontaneous. Don’t you think Fred?” You asked him. “Sure is.” Fred muttered. “I can’t wait to be living an adult life, odd I know, but I feel like I’m ready. Ready to be a Ministry worker. Reader to find my love life. Have a kid or two, but the first thing I’m gonna do is have a nice cup of tea and read a Shakespeare novel.” You giggled. Fred laughed and sighed, “I’m ready for that too, sadly this war that’s going on is something that I want out of this world.”

“Me too. Life can be so spontaneous, Weasley, too spontaneous it’s horrifying. You never know what happens.” You shivered. “Well thank you for the offer.” You turned around starting to walk back to your dorm. “Wait Y/N!” Fred shouted over the booming of music and screams. “Yes, Fredrick.” You quirked. “I’m gonna pick you up late and bring an extra pair of clothes and some pajamas.” Fred said. “OK.” You chuckled.

You made it home. Where your mom and Dad greeted you with hugs.

“I’m glad your back.” Your mom cried. “I’m happy to see you two.” You hugged your mom and Dad. “I know that you will be with us for a long time to come. And you will have the opportunity to visit us as much as you want. Also since you graduated, your father and I decided to let you go out into the city with a friend.” Your mom told you. “Are you serious?” You coughed. “Yes. Just contact us every chance you get to make sure you’re safe.” Your Dad smiled. “Thank you so much.” You embraced them both again.

You went to make a cup of tea and grabbed a Shakespeare’s classic. Just as you were about to sip on a cup of tea late night, an owl flew in.

“Hello.” You chirped at the owl. You grabbed the letter and opened it.

‘Come outside.’

- F.W.’

You went outside and saw Fred in a used light blue truck. You quickly went inside and grabbed all the stuff Fred told you to get. You went into your parents’ bedroom. You grabbed a tiny, pink bottle of perfume, spraying the rose scented mixture in your neck.

You went out and greeted Fred, without George. You wondered for a moment.

“Where the bloody hell is George?” You look around for him. “He’s gotten sick.” Fred smiled sheepishly. “Oh well I hope he gets better.” You entered the car in relization. “So where are we going Fredrick?” You bit your tongue. “Where going to explore the city late night!” Fred cheered.

Do you remember the taste of my lips
That night I stole a bit of my mother’s perfume?
‘Cause I remember when my father put his fist
Through the wall that separated the dining room
And I remember the fear in your eyes
The very first time we snuck into the city pool
Late December with my heart in my chest and the clouds of my breath
Didn’t know where we were running to
But don’t look back

The windows were rolled down. Your heart thumping, you were with Fred Weasley, he looked at you and smiled. You were afraid at the same time, like what if this was a sick prank to try to reveal your feelings to Fred. You gulped, the lights flashing on your face. You’ve never really explored outside of your home. That’s why you joined the Twins, they’ve always been up to something and you joined at times. Discovering more of the Wizarding world made you have ambition to know more.

“Y/N, I’ve got to tell you something.” Fred sighed. You looked at him, “What is it Fred?” You whimpered. You were afraid of what he might say. Even though Fred is sweet as a tangerine, he frightened you, not only you thought life is spontaneous. You thought Fred was too, he is like a boggart that comes out and surprises you with your greatest fear well he could if he’d known. Fred parked in front of a motel that seemed properly groomed and nicely fixed.

“I like you. I’ve liked you since the first time we’ve met. I’ve never really had the nerve to tell you for six years. Life is truly spontaneous in a good way, I mean I’ve finally told you out of the blue that I like you Y/N.” Fred became quiet once you intertwined your hand with his. “I like you too Fred. I know that I’m the most obvious really. I blush as bright as your ginger hair. Thank you for telling me Fred.” You pecked his lips, you pulled away for a second staring into his eyes.

Fred dove right back in pushing his lips against yours. You unbuckled your seatbelt, climbing over onto his lap. Rubbing your hips forward to give friction between the two of you. “Well aren’t you surprising as well?” Fred bit your neck. The belt that Fred still had on bothered you immensely. As you were about to unbuckle the seatbelt Fred opened the door, pushed you out, and unbuckled his own belt.

Fred then kissed you again, opening the door to the back of the back of the vehicle. He put you in there his legs in between your hips grinding himself into you. “Oh god.” You moaned. “I can feel you beneath my panties.” You smirked. You were only wearing a long sleeve maroon shirt with a black skirt. Fred tugged of your shirt, his fingers tracing your stomach. You were about to pull your skirt off before Fred pulled your hand away. “I want you to look like an innocent school girl sweetie.” Fred said, grabbing a tie and putting it on you.

Fred began taking off all of his clothing. Only leaving himself in boxers. Your hands went everywhere on his body, his abs which were slightly visible, his soft face which you laid kisses on, and his biceps which you clung onto.

Could you imagine the taste of your lips
If we never tried to kiss on the drive to Queens?
‘Cause I imagine the weight of your ribs If you lied between my hips in the backseat
And I imagine the tears in your eyes
The very first night I’ll sleep without you
And when it happens I’ll be miles away
And a few months late
Didn’t know where I was running to
But I won’t look back

Fred took of your panties, while you took his boxers off. His member sprung out hitting your stomach. “Oh damn.” You moaned. You touched the beady red head, and rubbed it against your folds. You let Fred do what he wanted, you felt him rubbing himself against your entrance. Till he pushed his whole length in. Your breathe hitched, he was a pretty good length and width for you to receive pleasure by.

“Oh Fred it hurts.” You groaned. “I’m so sorry Y/N.” Fred began to pull out, until your legs pulled him back in. Making both of you moan. “No, don’t pull out. Stay inside me.” You begged for him. Fred sucked on your neck slowly, but roughly pounding into you. Your juices lubricating his manhood. “Your so tight. Fuck I can fuck you all day till you can’t walk straight for a week and your sweet little pussy is loosened.” Fred cooed.

“Yes, please do that.” You gasped. Fred’s hair stuck to his forehead, beads of sweat on yours. You were writhing under him your eyes rolling around. Your mouth opening whenever he thrusted into you.

Fred didn’t know what was really happening. He never thought that it would happen. He thought that it be a sweet kiss and perhaps a date, but you were already squirming underneath him as he pounded himself in your womanhood. Fred rubbed your clit to add more pleasure. You lolled your head around, “I’m almost there. Fuck me harder.” You scratch his back your nails digging into his skin surely to leave it red next morning.

Fred grunted loudly. Both of you heard the slapping of your skin against his. Fred seemed flustered his thrusting sloppy. “I’m gonna cum.” Fred groaned. “Me too.” You squinted your eyes shut. The pit of your stomach about to burst in pleasure like the fireworks Fred and his brother sent off at Hogwarts.

Then, you came your walls clenching on Fred’s member milking him. Fred came as followed letting his white ecstasy pump into you. Fred began to thrust slowly to end your highs, pulling himself out not really wanting to loose the feeling of you. His cum was leaking out on the car seat from your womanhood.

Fred picked you up and kissed you passionately. You grabbed a blanket you brought and wrapped it around you and him. You then drifted to sleep on top of him. Fred twirled his fingers through your hair, your head laid against his bare chest. Fred locked the car and fell asleep with you.

“Fred?” You mumbled. Your eyes fluttering open wide. “Yes, love.” Fred caressed your head. “Good morning.” You looked him, “That was amazing.” “I’d say the same.” Fred kissed the top of your head. You both grabbed your clothing and changed. You stretched outside of the car. “Gosh I smell like sex.” You blurted, Fred chuckled.

“Let’s go. I’ve ordered a room for us yesterday, but clearly that didn’t happen.” Fred joked. “Good because I smell like a good night.” You wink at Fred.

You showered and got ready, dressing in your favorite outfit. It consisted of a pair of high waisted denim skinny jeans with a tan lightweight coat and boots. Fred dressed in a white shirt with jeans. You looked at him and smiled. Is this what you both have become.

“Y/N?” Fred called out.

“Yes.” You said.

“I probably should’ve asked you this before we did you know what. Will you be my girlfriend?” Fred asked.

“Of course.” You gleamed.

“Fred, how did you get this room?” You interrogated. “A few Muggle friends helped me.” Fred slyly grinned. “I wonder who.” You sarcastically asked. Corey was a Muggle she was born from a wealthy family. Her, Fred, and George are best friends, so you concluded it must’ve been Corey.

“Maybe when we come back after our journey we’ll have an adventure?” Fred played with your hair. “Or maybe we’ll go back to my home to drop me off?” You smirked.

Close To The End Of Harry Potter’s Seventh Year

You and Fred laid down on the bed exhausted. “Amazing as always, love. But that position was crazy.” Fred laughed. “Almost two years Fred.” Your hand traced figures on his bare chest. “Just two more months.” Fred smiled. “Why is sex with you so exciting and ravishing?” You chuckled. “Because I’m Fred Weasley.” Fred replied.

“That reasoning is so invalid.” You rolled your eyes.

After three weeks, you felt unsettling symptoms. Your mother had told you that you were the most troubling pregnancy she’s had and ever heard of. During that time she told you of those symptoms and the common ones. You became nervous each time you had a symptom. You took a test and came back out of the restroom as a soon-to-be mother. It was all going swell for you. You had your career as a healer, Fred was always with you, and you were going to start a family. You decided to wait a little longer to tell Fred the great news, but that’s when a spontaneous tragedy struck.

A war on the loose and Fred wanting to battle. You joined Fred not willing to leave him alone.

“Love, I need you somewhere else. I’ll be sure to tell Ginny to get you once it’s over.” You obliged and went to help students and staff that had been injured. Your healer skills went to work, you seen young children all bloody and bruised it made your heart shatter.

Feet first, don’t fall
Or we’ll be running again
Keep close, stand tall

That’s when you heard an explosion. You looked up and ran outside quickly trying to find Fred. You sprinted to a big group of people realizing they were the Weasleys due to their red hair.

You heard their cries, “Fred!”

You shoved through and saw Ginny crying. You looked at Fred he was all broken. “Fred! Fred! Fred, please stay with me come on we have to get you to-,”

“It’s OK. I’m fine.” Fred muttered. “No, Fred. Please Fred you can’t leave me or your family. Not just your own, but ours too. Fred your gonna be a dad. Like you’ve always wanted.” Your eyes dropped tears, your hand clenching onto his. “Tell my baby I love him or her. You’re going to be a great mum Y/N. I believe in you. I love you and our family. You’re the brightest light I’ve ever had in my life. You loved me and all my mischief for years Y/N. I’ll never forget about my whole family especially you.” Fred smiled, his hand slowly rubbing your stomach as his eyes fluttered closed. His hand falling to his side. He lost grip on your hand.

“Fred.” You called for him. “Fred!” You wailed. George grabbed you and held you tightly. “Fred.” You whimpered. Everyone came into a group hug, their cries for their dearly beloved Fred loud rang through the battle.

All the joy and the glee just had to go away and only Lord knows why.

“How have you been?” Molly asked, putting vegetables in boiled water. You were chopping up more vegetables, you being out of focus kept cutting till you were about to cut a finger.

Molly grabbed your wrist before you sliced through your finger.

“Oh my, I’m sorry Molly. I’m out of focus. I was thinking that if I’d helped him-, h-he would’ve b-been here! But it’s all my fault!” You shouted, reaching for a knife. Molly grabbed your face, stopping you and then gave you a soft yet stern look.

“Y/N, you look at me. You are part of my family know. You are the person who filled Fred’s life with joy. Now, be a mother! You’re a strong, kind woman that is capable of so much. I need you to be strong for Fred, because despite him being not here. The bundle of joy is there is like a small version of the both of you and your love. Let me tell you that being a mother is the most splendid thing that ever happened to me, you’ll be blessed once that child is born. Be strong.” Molly held your face, tears running down onto her hands.

You coughed, choking on your own sobs, “OK.”

“Ginny!” Molly yelled.

“Yes, mum!” Ginny came down out to the kitchen.

“Take Y/N out to get fresh air, please Ginny.” Molly ordered Ginny.

“OK. Come on Y/N.” Ginny held your shaking hand and slowly lead you outside.

“Y/N I need you to be happy. Happy thoughts. This child needs with mum to be happy.” Ginny soothed your nerves.

“H-How?” You stuttered.

“Y/N, when Fred left you. He didn’t do it on purpose nor to blame you. He did that to none of us.” Ginny and you were outside. “Y/N, when I met you when you greeted me at the Gryffindor table we had a connection. I trusted you with all my life and I always told you what was happening, I never told anyone but you before hand when I was dating Dean. You are a part of our, this world.” Ginny hugged you.

“Fred is safe. He’s OK. I promise.” Ginny said and with that you went into another state of mind.

Fred never meant to hurt you’re feelings. You weren’t the one to blame. Perhaps you lost everything you’ve cared for, but that’s what you thought. Fred never did hurt you’re feelings never once in your relationship and even now that’s what you had to comprehend. You had to stay strong and live life for the life you’re meant to care for. You weren’t going to let anyone down. Not now or never. Maybe, just maybe life was leading you on a road you weren’t prepared for.

“Thank you Ginny.” You laid your head on her shoulder smiling.  

“No problem Y/N.” Ginny replied.

“Oh they look so much like Fred, don’t they mum.” Ginny cooed, Molly nodded. “You want to hold one of them.” You asked Ginny. “Oh, yes, please. I can’t believe I’m an aunt!” Ginny cried carrying one of the twins.

“What’s their names?” George questioned. “The little prince is Fred George Weasley. The little princess is Ginevra Molly Weasley.” You told George, he looked at you. “Thank you Y/N. Fred would’ve loved to be here to see his own children.” George’s eyes spilled a few tears. “He would’ve been the best father. But he is, in their heart and blood he is the best father.” You gripped his hand.

“You want to hold Fred?” You stared at George. “Sure.” He sniffed, you handed him Fred. “Just like Fred. He looks so bloody much like him.” George laughed. Molly and Arthur were filled with joy to be grandparents. “Who are the godparents?” Arthur asked.

“Fred’s godparents are my friend Corey and Harry.” You said, Harry who just had entered after grabbing a quick drink smiled. “The more the merrier, huh?” Harry commented. Everyone chuckled at Harry’s statement. “And Ginny’s is Rubeus and Minerva.” You finished.

The children were passed around. A joyful aura filled the room. More visitors came to see the ginger twins. At last when it was late in the afternoon and the only person to be staying by your side were George and Ginny; someone came in.

“Y/N.” You and the rest looked up.

“Fred.” You smiled. “I’m not hallucinating?” You questioned yourself.

“No, you’re not. I can see him too.” Ginny flabbergasted.

“Oh and there is-, my children? I thought that we’d only have a child, but Twins! This is splendid.” Fred shouted. The Twins giggled loudly. “They recognize their own dad. What’s their names?” Fred smiled at his children.

“Fred and Ginevra.” You stammered.

“Fred and Ginevra, lovely names you choose Y/N.“ Fred told you. “After you and Ginny.” You responded to his comment. Fred grinned at you.

“Fred? How are you here?” George spoke up. “I’m a ghost. I came here after I heard Minerva speak the news of her being named godmother of my child. To be fair Hogwarts was getting quite boring as well.” Fred responded.

“We missed you.” Ginny blurted.

“I missed every one of you too.” Fred confessed.

“Fred.” You called him out.

“I want to you to be with our children as they grow up. If you want you can stay at our home.” You say.

Fred went up to you, “I’d love to.”

“You’re still my spontaneous Weasley. Aren’t you?” You grinned.


It was a curse and a blessing for your life to be full of spontaneous events, your just hoping the afterlife will go with ease. And then you’ll have your spontaneous Weasley with you forever.

Spontaneous (adj.): happening naturally, without planning or encouragement.

Tagging(s): @muttfanfic @gracemaclyndon @softballqueennm67 @nomascara @baby-princess14 @nefariousxwitch @georgie-99 @ilovemilk2k16 @thehalfbloodweasley @accio-emma @archiekins-ronnie @padfootorionblack @coco40245 @slytherinsdragoness @rory-is-in-ravenclaw @garcia2blanca @tf-is-fanfic @itsmagical @perfectslytherin

04. lullaby

prompt: the night we shared making love → vampire!jungkook

pairing: jeon jungkook | reader
genre: vampire au / soft angst, implied smut
word count: 1,616

He wasn’t much older than yourself when you had been turned.

The very youth in his eyes reminded you of a simpler time, when all you could think about was getting out of your provincial village, with opportunities just waiting for your departure. And yet, the last remnants of freedom had fallen short when your entrance into Europe was halted, all by the false promises of a new life and even bigger riches that, as you thought of them now, were not all that great. His doe-like eyes were wide and curious, attentive, if not nervous as his hands roamed every nook and cranny of your bare flesh.

Jungkook had been no one but a passing face at first. He didn’t imprint any particular thought in your mind or enact heinous acts against your character—he simply didn’t do anything to you. His nature was withdrawn, yours reserved. Yet somehow your union still surprised others in your shared friend groups, because out of all people, you two found one another without really trying. The thing with him that set him apart from all the others that came before him was the fact that he could make you feel anything at all.

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Made In Abyss Crash Course

So you wanna know about that big ol’ hole in the ground where people die, right?

Yeah ok. Let Bondrewd tell ya about the Abyss.

Set in a fictional unnamed world, Made In Abyss is a tale about people delving into a giant death hole located on a small island in the middle of the ocean. Around that hole, there is a town called Orth. 

Orth was created for the sole purpose of exploring this giant death hole, and it has the look of a Seventeenth Century coal mining town.

Now, why do people go into the Abyss? Why would anyone want to ever go down there?

For Artifacts and riches, why else.

Literally all over the place.

Cave raiding became a big then when people found out there was magic shit down there that when you touched it could stop time or shoot laser beams. Sells for a shit ton of money, and that’s the main source of income for Orth. They raise orphans and townsfolk into Delvers, who go into the hole to retrieve relics, which they then sell for money to fund the town, the cycle continuing on forever.

Quick stop, best time here to explain what the Delver levels are. You don’t start out as Rambo and go guns blazing into the Abyss, you start as baby.

Bells: Stupid babies who can’t do nothing but learn fundamentals of the Abyss, can’t even touch the bad hole.

Red Whistles: You can go down to the first layer, congratulations, have fun. 

Blue Whistles: Can go down to the second layer of the abyss; actually helpful and not a burden on society.

Moon Whistles: Teachers, gonna tell you about how to be a Delver. You get to go down to the third layer safely, but if you’re an idiot, you can go to the fourth.

Black Whistles: Actually really cool guys, basically the best most people will ever reach in their lifetime. Can go down to the fifth layer and hang out with Bondrewd.

White Whistles: THE COOLEST OF GUYS AND GIRLS. All you gotta do is have someone who loves you a lot die in front of you and entrust their wishes into you. They then turn into a whistles which only the person who was entrusted with can use. Have fun kids. Can go to the Sixth Layer and below, which is referred to as the Last Dive (Aka the curse will kill you if you try to climb back up, but hey it’s not like White Whistles have anything better to do.)

Alright we got that out of the way.

Big whoop, right? Sounds like a normal good time, but here’s the problem.

There’s a fucking curse in this death hole and it’s gonna fuck you up real good.

You see, the Abyss isn’t just one big hole; it’s separated by layers, and each layer has its own FUN WACKY EFFECT™ When you try to climb back up the hole. Going down is fine, though. It’s a one way trip if you aren’t experienced. 

Alright, lets go step by step, since this is basically the meats and potatoes of this post. 

THE FIRST LAYER,  Edge of the Abyss

Depth: 0~1350 meters

This is the first layer and consists of everything below the entrance of the Abyss up until the second layer. It’s a super easy place to start out, and it’s where most Delvers begin their careers.

Strains of ascent: Light Dizziness and Nausea, not bad, right?

THE SECOND LAYER, Forest of Temptation

Depth: 1350~2600 meters.

It’s a forest located on the second layer. Shit gets real here; there’s deadly monsters and poison plants.

Once you hit around 2,000 meters, the forest inverts and becomes known as the ‘Inverted Forest’. Located there is a base set up by the White Whistle Ozen.

You can go hang out with her. 

Strains of Ascent: Heavy nausea, headache and numbness of limb. Get them vomit bags ready, since you’ll be experiencing that every 10 meters you climb.

THE THIRD LAYER, The Great Fault

Yeah fuck you, it’s about 4000 meters of sheer cliff face.

Depth: 2600~7000 meters.

Literally just a cliff you need to find a way down. There’s holes that rodents have dug into the walls that Delvers use to climb down, as trying to scale down with rope is probably gonna get you killed. There’s a bunch of flying beasts here that will eat you and your family. 

Strains of Ascent: Vertigo combined with visual and auditory hallucinations. Have fun climbing that.

FOURTH LAYER, The Cup of Giants

Depth: 7000~12000 meters.

Not that bad in compare to the Fault, but it’s still incredibly dangerous due to the effects of the curse. The landscape is constantly changing as the Cup of Giants is actually composed of giant plants that form cup shaped heads that are shifting and changing on the daily.

The completely formed ones have water in them.

The ones that don’t have boiling acid.

There’s a lot of stuff here, such as the Eternal Fortunes garden, which is fun. (It’s not. It’s full of flesh eating insects.)

Strains of Ascent: Intense Full-body pain and hemorrhage from every single orifice of the body. Heyyyyyyyyyyy, FUNNY WACKY EFFECTS™

THE FIFTH LAYER, The Sea of Corpses

Depth: 12000~13000 meters.

It’s the shallowest of layers, but it’s also the largest in width (about 10,000 meters). Different from the other layers in that 1. The ground is covered in snow and the tempature is colder than almost everywhere else in the Abyss. 2. It’s also comprised of mostly ocean. 

Once thought to be the furthest Delvers could go, until Bondrewd found a way to pierce into the Sixth Layer.

The location of Bondrewd and his Forward Operating Base, Idofront.

To get to the Sixth Layer, you need to be a White Whistle, as only White Whistles can activate the elevator leading down.

Strains of Ascent: Complete sensory deprivation, confusion and self-harming behavior. Can’t get worse, right?

THE SIXTH LAYER, The Capital of the Unreturned

Depth: 13000~15500 meters.

This mysterious layer is the last stop for many White Whistles. Return from this point on is impossible without the loss of humanity.

Not much is known about the Sixth Layer, but balloons sent up through the Layers have talked about a ruined golden city, and a strange white ring that glows within the Abyss. 

Strains of Ascent: Devastating body alterations that result in the loss of humanity and sometimes death. (This transformation turns people into Narehates, which is the term for those who were affected by the Sixth Layer’s curse.) Yeah it gets bad. At least the next layer spares you this horrible fate.

THE SEVENTH LAYER, The Final Maelstrom

Depth: 15500~????? meters.

Even less is known about the Seventh Layer, except for one thing.

Strains of Ascent: Certain death.

Have fun exploring the Abyss, and remember…

Delve Safely

ya know what? i’m just gonna make a list of the stuff i want in ultra sun and ultra moon. it’s long, but whatever. all important. all of it.

-lake of the sunne/moone to have more plot significance it has necrozma’s symbol on it for crying out loud

-more screen time for gladion

-more interactions with lillie and gladion (and hau ofc)

-dirt on the thrifty megamart

-mohn to have more plot significance. come on man, stop eating beans and get back to aether your wife is terrorizing the world with aliens again

-that pikachu-themed trailer better be part of the plot bc i’m gonna be mad if they showed it to us only for it to be off on some side road that you could very easily miss

-more exploration of ultra space. i wanna hatch an egg there.

-more dimensional/time travel shenanigans side-eyes the lake

-plot twists. give me my frickin plot twists. i want mystery dungeon-level plot twists.

-solidified info as to what exactly made lusamine go bonkers and how she was before that

-why space man was stuck in the desert. how did he get there. why did he forget everything. where did he go.

-what tf necrozma is. pseudo-ultra beast? legendary? a really weird-looking deoxys?

-team skull backstories

-a valid reason as to why zygarde took its ground-dragon booty all the way across the ocean to alola and scattered itself into 100 frickin parts

-red, blue, and green to make more cameos. especially green. she got robbed of any appearance in sun and moon (i guess it would be blue in japanese versions)

-more! info! on! kahili!

-more tapu action

-nintendo plz let me give my character a plain ol’ ponytail. plz

-while i’m on the subject of hairstyles boys should get more of them. they have nothing compared to the girl hairstyles.

-do not make a child go hunt the ultra beasts on their own. interpol, wat r u doin?

-if you gotta make the child go hunt the ultra beasts at least give them a team of people who know what tf they’re doing is that too much to ask

-if your pokemon can walk with you i will probably throw all of my money a whole two cents at nintendo the movement sprites already exist come on

Standing In The Outfield (2/2) + A CS Fanfic

A two part fic about baseball, the friend zone, and what happens when your unresolved feelings bring you home after five years away. Inspired by the song ‘The Outfield’ by The Night Game.

Okay, here’s part 2!  Sorry for the delay, but I decided to finish this and then do a third part that will be like a smutty outtake of sorts. Thanks for your patience, friends! Hopefully the next one won’t take as long. Enjoy! :) [Read Part 1 Here]

Word Count: 4.8K
Rating: Still T for now


It was almost like the world stopped spinning as Killian braced himself in the swiveling desk chair. He silently willed his legs or mouth to move, but both were definitely far too difficult with the way she was standing so nonchalantly in the small office’s doorway. He’d allowed himself to dream of this moment once or twice since they exchanged conflicted goodbyes all those years ago, but his imagination had clearly fallen short.

Seeing Emma again wasn’t something he could have ever prepared for - and his wide eyes and timid smile gave him away in an instant. Then again, maybe she’d always noticed how he looked at her. It’s not like that had changed in the time they spent apart.

“Hey, I….didn’t mean to interrupt, but I heard you were back,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I guess I had to see for myself.”

She hadn’t changed much since they’d last seen each other, but Killian allowed himself to take in the beautiful details that made up this woman like it was the first time. Her hair was slightly shorter, but still hung in loose waves over her shoulders. She was dressed a bit beyond casual - jeans that were more tailored than the ones she used to wear and a detailed white top paired with a gray jacket - which made him feel a bit self conscious about his worn out denim and zip up hoodie. Her suede flat shoes certainly rivaled his laced up Nikes and he wondered briefly just what was causing her to dress so differently these days.

People change, he silently reminded himself - and while the idea tugged at his heartstrings, he couldn’t help how he felt so elated to see her. He hoped desperately that she felt that way too, but the anxiousness written all over her face was definitely giving him pause.

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Media Today

Request: Hey there! I love your imagines and I just love what you’re doing for other POC and making an inclusive place for us where others will not. Do you think you can make an imagine where the media is going crazy over the fact that Captain America is smitten over a black woman, but he doesn’t gaf and has no problem defending your honor? Thanks girl! ✨ @squad-princessxo

You and Steve walked hand in hand down the street. You had plans to go get coffee, well you were getting coffee. Steve had his super soldier energy and he never needed midday coffee or tea or anything. Caffeine probably did nothing for him in the first place.

“Well maybe if you just slept like a normal person,” he suggested with a taunting smile.

“My best ideas come at the dead of night. Let me live my life, Steven,” you playfully snapped. You tried to really sell the gag with a stern glare, but it didn’t work. The moment you looked up at him you smiled.

“Yes, like your idea to write about a man-eating frog.”

“Okay, no I was on pain meds that time. That doesn’t count,” you laughed thinking of the god awful outline you wrote for a new story. At the time you thought you were a regular Stephen King. In the morning it sounded more like a tumblr cryptid. It amused you so much that you showed Steve and he hasn’t let you live it down

“Whatever you say, doll,” he smirked, pulling you closer to him. You heard the tell-tale shutter of a camera and turned towards where you heard the sound. As you turned you heard the sound again and your eyes easily found the man holding the camera who was taking pictures of you and your boyfriend.

“People are taking pictures,” you informed casually, looking up at Steve to gauge his reaction. He frowned a little and looked over his shoulder.

“That’s the problem with the 21st century, no privacy,” he grumbled.

“I thought it was that we relied too heavily on technology,” you reminded him of an earlier conversation in which he had gone on a rant about  how addicted to technology the youth was. It was one of his “old man rants” or so you called them. They never failed to make you laugh a little.

“If people weren’t so addicted to their technology there’d be no market for candid shots of people like me. Journalists would be forced to talk about real things, photographers would take pictures that meant something.”

“I dunno… I guess media is problematic… but it’s a necessary evil.”

“Is that what you think?”

“I do, because for every shitty smear campaign a trashy reporter pioneers, there’s another reporter who has a platform to talk about the real stuff. It’s a balance.”

“Well I hope you still think that when our story comes up tomorrow. I can see it now. Beautiful dame caught with national hero,” he made a sweeping gesture with his hand as if to mimic the big bold letters that would be used, “Wedding Bells for Captain America? Captain America caught in Manhattan with Beautiful Mystery Woman.”

“Oh shut up,” you laughed, hitting him lightly on the arm, “If those are the stories then I think I can live with it.”

Steve held open the door to the coffee shop, and gestured for you to walk in. The rest of the day was normal. You had coffee, teased Steve about being a celebrity, and he teased you about being so beautiful that of course people had to take pictures of you. It was nice to make light of something that you knew truly annoyed Steve. He hated paparazzi. He didn’t see the point in it. What was the point of following him around for pictures, and making assumptions about what he was doing, or what he was thinking. It seemed sort of trivial. At first, it had made him hesitant to go out, to explore the new adventures this modern world proposed, and then he met you. You were something out of this world. Eccentric was the world he used to describe you if anyone asked what you were doing and why you were doing it. She’s… eccentric, he’d say with a fond smile as he watched you live like you knew tomorrow wouldn’t arrive. He liked to take pictures of you, when you were making silly faces, or just staring up at him, listening to him when he spoke because his words were important to you. He often wished he could have a picture of the two of you when you’re lying in bed and you insisted upon being the big spoon because you said he needs to be held more often. He walked you up to your apartment door after the day was over, gave you a chaste kiss, then left as you were safely inside your home.

    That morning you woke up to an endless wave of text messages from friends and family. You hadn’t told anyone who you were dating. You didn’t want to have to constantly tell people no they can’t come meet Captain America. No, you can’t convince Captain America to come to their kid’s birthday party. It was much more drama than you felt like dealing with. However your messages were full of people asking why you hadn’t told them. You reeled wondering how they figured it out… and then there was a picture of a magazine that your best friend sent you and a corresponding screenshot from Twitter. Part of you felt surprised by the overwhelming hateful messages towards you, but that part was small and naive. You weren’t surprised, as you read it you kind of nodded because honestly it was about what you had expected. It was easier to look through and shrug off the hate from nonblack people. It didn’t hurt as much because they knew nothing about you, and it was easy to decide you had very little in common, but then there were tweets from people who looked like you. Black men and women berating you for being in a relationship with Steve. Those hurt a bit more, because they should know better. Either way, you stopped reading, assured yourself that they didn’t know you at all, and that they barely knew Steve, so none of it was real none of it meant anything. Nevertheless, you stayed in bed, deciding not to venture out of your home, afraid of the attention you might receive.

Shortly before noon, there was a knock on your door. You got up lazily to go to the door and then look through the peephole. It was Steve, so you opened the door without any further thoughts. You closed the door after him and tried to think of something to say in the few seconds before you turned around. You wondered if he knew, if he saw the things people were saying, and if they’d made him ashamed of you, if he was here to break up with you. You couldn’t bring yourself to come right out and say it, to just ask him why he had come.

“Hi,” you greeted as you turned around. You tried to lean against the door casually. The corner of his mouth quirked up a little at that.

“Hi,” he looked at you the same way he always did, then he opened his arms to you. You accepted his embrace gratefully. He crushed you gently against his chest. His hugs were always firm, they were grounding. His hand cradled the back of your head.

“Have you seen?” you asked quietly, voice muffled by his chest.

“Yeah,” he sighed. You were quiet again, processing that. He had seen, did that mean he’d seen everything, all of the hate and the ignorance and what did he think of it? Did he think anything of it at all? No of course he thought something about it, Steve had an opinion on just about everything.

“What now,” you asked.

He breathed in slowly, his chest rising and taking you up with him. He smelled so good, and you drank in his scent as if it was the last time you were ever going to smell it. His hands brushed your hips, skimmed across your waist as they came up to hold your outer arm. You looked up at him as he clearly wanted you to do.

“Now,” he began, “we continue as we were.”

He didn’t say it like he expected you to find it easy to do as he said. He spoke to you as if he was imparting you with a burdensome task, because he was.

“I’m gonna talk to a few people,” he assured, cradling your head again, and pulling you close to him once more.

“When you say talk to people, you do mean talk right?” you asked now that you could breathe easier.

“…As long as they say what I want to hear.”

“And what do you want to hear, Steve,” you looked up at him again, chin resting on his chest.

“I want to hear an apology.”

You smiled at that, thinking of some skeevy reporter getting their ass handed to them by Captain America. He bent and picked you up by the back of your thighs, making your wrap your legs around his waist. You felt like a koala as he carried you to the couch to sit with him.

“For today though, how about a movie, we’ll order in, and just enjoy each other’s company.”

“Ooo talk dirty to me, Steven,” you laughed.

Within the next few days you and Steve were back to normal. You hadn’t forgotten about the harsh words but it was easy to disregard them, to go about your life. It was a couple weeks of normality, save a few photographers who tailed you to your publisher’s office a few times. One day as you were getting your afternoon caffeine boost, you heard Steve’s voice. You looked around trying to figure out where it was coming from. Your eyes landed on a little TV in the corner. He was in casual clothes leaving some shop.

“So tell us about the girl, Steve. Don’t you think after your last girlfriend, I mean Sharon was beautiful-”

“Son, I get the feeling you’re trying to call one woman more beautiful than the other.”

“Well come on, she was-”

“Y/N is a beautiful woman, and more important than that she’s a good person.”

“I’m not saying she’s not-”

“I wasn’t asking your opinion on her,” Steve smiled cockily, “see what people like you fail to realize is, your opinion doesn’t matter. I don’t care. You don’t have to like her, you don’t have to approve of her, you can continue to be bigoted, hateful people and Y/N and I will be fine, because I want her and she wants me and it’s as simple as that. Have a good day,” he waved and walked away. You smiled at that, at his blunt dismissal of the man. You knew you’d be with him forever.

A Love Lettter to Class

It is difficult to celebrate the first birthday of Class without acknowledging that it is over. No meta or gifset could ever really do justice to a whole show that, while small and often beautifully rough around the edges, touched our hearts and is intending to stay there even after it is long gone. If I have something in me that could come close to it, I probably already wrote it in my final meta for Class Appreciation Week at the beginning of the year.

So this is a love letter. Maybe I call it that because a thank you letter sounds too final. But it is full of thanks nonetheless.

Above all, Class, I adore your characters. I fell in love in an instant. Because how could I not get excited about Charlie, his awkwardness, his pain and love? How could I not be taken in by Ram, the way the cocky star footballer surface cracked, his trauma, his loyalty? How could I not adore April, with her eagerness, and kindness so vast that she could share a heart? And how could I not be head over heels when presented with a Tanya, her intelligence, her resourcefulness, the way this litte nerd craved a connection with her peers?

In time, in that way too short time, these four people only became more interesting. As loveable as Charlie is, as caring as he can be, his stubborness and the grey nature of his morality came ever closer to the forefront. Ram proved himself to be brave and giving, capable of reaching out eventually, but also quick to lash out. April taught us just how tough her kindness was and to not mistake it for being nice. And as smart as Tanya is, she saw reason to fight, in a situation that called for more than just being clever. They found friendship and love, pulled together and pulled apart, real, human, alive.

There are no words for Quill. There are too many words for Quill. I love her strength and how she is breaking apart beneath her pain, her loss, her captivity. I love her indifference, her sarcasm, her cruelty, and her abiding allegiance to those she considers her people. I love her rage against injustice, her perseverance against it, how she seeks freedom above all. I love the things she does not understand and the ones where she can offer wisdom. I love her merciless need for revenge. I love her gentleness, comradeship, protectiveness. I love her, for everything she is and can be.

Class, you are not only heartfelt and beautiful. You are moving and wise. And you are also wonderfully odd and disturbing. If Doctor Who is a show that is inherently built on the weird and the strength, then there could be nothing more conventional about the concept of Class. A ragtag band of teenagers solving mysteries and saving the world has been a staple good in the books I’ve read, tv shows I’ve watched and movies I’ve seen since I was a child. But Class, you always go just a step beyond what is necessary.

The violence of you is only ever one dimension of that, between headmasters being skinned alive to people being bloodly devoured by pretty pink flowers. I never thought I’d see a shadowy alien menace make love to their henchman in his evil lair of darkness. To this date, I’m still decidedly unsure if that’s something I ever wanted to think about. You clearly had no intention to ever, ever stop. “Why is everyone looking at me like that” was the most Class way to end a first series. And would have been such a Class way to start a second one.

While you are in my life, Class, you succeed where only so few have, to make me care about what happens between the lines, between the words. A scene is a world and your worlds are endless. They continue to invite me in. You made me explore heroism. You made me ponder divinity. You made me examine human connection, freedom, and pretty things with teeth. And so, so much more. You made me think, as much as you made me feel.

I love you, Class. Because you made me love you, in so many ways.

List 93: Top Ten Anime I want to make a Game for

I love video games. I would easily say it is my favorite hobby I do. Usually it takes a backseat nowadays to me doing other things in my life but it is truly the one I find the most passion in. That got me to thinking what anime would I want to turn into games? I started visualizing genres and unique ways to turn them into games and my imagination went wild with the idea. It really was one of the most fun ideas I’ve come up with in a while. I ordered these in less of quality and more of how proud I was of each idea I came up with for them. I also put genre and studio making it to make it really feel more alive to me. Game on!

10: Kids on the Slope

Genre: Rhythm    Company: Nintendo

This was a given with the show in question. I sat for a while thinking over whether it or Your Lie in April deserved this spot and settled on Kids for a few reasons. I figured a time piece of music would be very neat to see in gaming. We always get certain series or styles but never one time period aside from like when Rockband did stuff for Kiss. You can play one of 4 instruments: piano, drums, trumpet, and double bass. The music selection would all be songs from the anime and time period. A jazz based rhythm game made by men in Nintendo who grew up in that time period. The would for sure connect with the title and bring out the music quality to the highest standard. 

9: Gurren Lagann

Genre: Mech Open World Adventure   Company: Monolith Soft

This one would have you building your own mech form the start and working through the story of Gurren Lagann with it as a part of Team Dai Gurren. Once the 7 year gap happens you would have tons of side quests and ways to upgrade and remodel your mech while taking on tons of challenges. Monolith loves mechs to death so I figure who better to display Mechs at the most over the top in gaming form. References to other famous Mech anime would be nice too as a way to make it feel special. Unlockable mechs for certain Gundams and the Evas from Neon Genesis would be a true delight. 

8: Rurouni Kenshin

Genre: Action  Company:  Rocksteady Studios

Following the story of Kenshin beat for beat is what I want here. The game would be split into 3 parts. The first would be a section in Tokyo where basic missions and gameplay is taught while getting through the start of the story. Then you would get to Kyoto and have a much larger area to see and the story would build up to the Shishio arc. Then you would end off with Kenshin’s backstory and Enishi’s arc with a Tokyo filled with tons more to do. You would have also side unlockable stories playable with Sanosuke, Yahiko, Kaoru, and Saito. I chose Rocksteady for it’s great open world design, and combat flow in the Batman games. I think bringing that to a Kenshin game would be fantastic. Mix their love to drop hidden facts about the city and characters with obtainable secrets and this game would be a love letter to Kenshin fans. Telling the story from start to finish and constantly giving you new abilities as you work through the story. 

7:Kill la Kill

Genre: Beat’em Up   Company: Platinum Games

Name a company that makes better crazy action games then Platinum? With Bayonetta and Metal Gear Rising alone I’m convinced they could make a wonderful adaptation of the Kill la Kill world and make the action feel like the anime did. I’m undecided if I want the actual story to be the focus or just let them make an original plot within the world. I’d rather like to play Ryuko though and kick ass with my scissor blades. So I think I lean more towards that for sure. 

6:Fullmetal Alchemist

Genre: Action Adventure    Company: Bandai Namco

Haha Looks like I forgot to type something here the first time!

FMA’s game would follow the story of the series of course(brotherhood), and you would play everyone from Ed to Mustang to Winry. Varieties of gameplay styles and modes to keep it fresh while hitting the player hard with the feels of the story itself. It would hit all the marks and try to be a little bit of everything just like the actual series. Bandai makes tons of great titles like the Tales series so I trust them to figure out a way to make it all come to life with a perfect equivalent exchange. 

5: Fate Series

Genre: Open World Action-RPG    Company: From Software

Fate is a pretty dark world and the set up of the Holy Grail War is fantastic. Give players the option to choose from almost a hundred options of heroes of the past, present, and future and let them take part in the war. Letting you improve as you battle and explore trying to find intel on the other competitors would allow you a ton of freedom while playing. Mix all the options and each playthrough would be unique as well. I think a risk/reward battle system like From Software is known for would work here. You are rewarded for being more risky but at the same time show all your skills and you could be at a disadvantage when trying to fight future heroes. I think it would be a very challenging battle of wits and reflexes at least. 

4: Kuroko no Basuke

Genre: Sports    Company: 2K Games

Anyone remember NBA Jam and NBA Showtime? The hilarious bombastic basketball video games that would let you dunk from almost anywhere on the court. Imagine the basically superpower of the Kuroko cast in video game glory. Let people play through the story or exhibition matches and let them go crazy with every character’s special traits. Heck you could even make a few fake new character with weird abilities just to spice it up a bit. I’ll let a sports series expert handle this one and make it crazy as can be. 

3: Magic Kaito

Genre: Heist Stealth    Company: Level-5 

With Persona 5 on the cusp on being released world wide it made me think, why not a Kaito game in a similar vein? You could play through a multitude of scenarios made for the game including all sorts of characters from Aoko to Conan. Be Kaito Kid and use what the game gives you to make it through the police, other adversaries, and of course Conan again to best them all as the phantom thief! I think this game would be full of laughs and creative level design open to player to explore. Think like a funny Hitman game, where you steal instead of kill. Any fan would be in for a treat and I think Level-5 has a huge track record that would reassure me. 

2: Spice & Wolf

Genre: Economics/Dating Sim   Company: MPS Labs

From the creators of Civ. I want a fantastic simulation title. You play through the world of Spice & Wolf as Kraft Lawrence and try to get Holo to her home. The game would have travel segments like Oregon trail, a romance meter to build with Holo, and a very complex world economics system to learn and master. If you are able to be the best at all of them you will get the best and true ending of the game. Anything from death to Holo leaving you can happen, its up to you to master the market and your heart to get the true end! 

1: The Girl Who Leapt Through TIme

Genre: Choice Based Adventure    Company: Naughty Dog

So, I was thinking lets have a new character that you play in the same world as the Girl Who Leapt Through Time. You are given 100 jumps to make. And the game takes place over the course of 3 months. So around 90 days. Every day you play through like a simulation game building relationships, leveling up certain personality and knowledge stats and overall learning about the world. At any time over the 3 months you can jump back in time after completing any new task. Which ones are important and which ones are truly unimportant in the grand scheme? Maybe they are all important. Work your way to a happy ending and not the bad one you see in your dreams on day 1 of the story. It would make players really try their hardest to appreciate every little decision and I think I want the perfect graphics of realism from Naughty Dog and their little touches to make this a true classic through time. 

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own any of the above pictures. The credit goes to the original creators of each and thus will be considered theirs. Enjoy the pics!

What anime would you make a game out of? I tried to use a variety of genres and ideas but I’m sure there are tons more out there! Tell me somewhere on the net!

See ya Space Corgis!

Something Good: Tom Holland x Reader

Request: a Tom x black reader based on Something Good from Sound of Music where she finally opens up to him about her past insecurities during a breakdown and finally tells him that she loves him after he’s said it dozens of times ???

Warnings: Abusive scenarios and strong language.

You stood in front of the large bay window of your shared apartment, watching the rain pour and the wind blow through the trees. Something about rainy days calmed your soul and relaxed your spirit. 

Tom walked in the living room to see you staring blankly outside, “Good morning beautiful” He walked behind you and snaked his arms around your waist. “Good morning.” He sent shivers down your spin as he kissed a  path from your ear to your shoulder. “I love you so much.” He breathed. You hated when he said that because you never could say it back. Of course you loved him but your brain, your lips, something didn’t allow you to say it back. 

You smiled and turned to him, “Coffee?” You asked. “I’ll get it.” He offered kissing you on the lips and walking to the kitchen. 

Your fingers lingered on the spot his lips left. “I actually bought a new creamer. Did you want to try it?” He asked from the kitchen, “Sure.”

You heard him brewing the coffee as you sat at the window and watched the rain fall. Suddenly thunder crashed the morning sky, triggering you. 

“No!” You screamed bursting into tears and covering your ears. Tom dropped his mug and ran over to your crouching, shivering figure.  “Love what’s wrong?” He tried to grab you but you fought back, accidentally scratching his face causing it to bleed. “Get off of me!” You screamed. 

“Baby, calm down! It’s me!” He grabbed both of your wrists. You opened your eyes and saw it his him ad you burst into tears. “I’m sorry.” 

He pulled you into a warm embrace, completely ignoring the burning bleeding scratch above his eyebrow. “What’s wrong?” He kept asking. “Please tell me what’s wrong.” He begged. 

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anonymous asked:

So, picture Kara and Cat going to Vegas for some conference Cat has to attend. And why'll Cat is in some meeting and Kara gets bored of just waiting in the hotel so she starts exploring. She finds her way to the Heart Attack Grill. If you don't know what that is, the have the most calorific burger made official by Guinness world records, its called Quadruple Bypass and has 27 pieces of bacon on it, its 9,000 calories...just look it up.

“So, I assume none of this is your idea of a good time?” 

Cat gestures to the swarm of people flooding the Las Vegas streets. She hasn’t seen this much glitter in one concentrated area since Carter had spilled three bottles while trying to make her mother’s day present. She supposes this area is known for providing a good time, and that only escalates on holidays like Halloween.

Kara shrugs. While she doesn’t necessarily appreciate how crowded everything is, she enjoys the time she gets to spend with Cat, and being allowed to come to this conference is pretty much a big deal. She says, “Well, I don’t mind. You look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

“There’s no high quite like being the keynote speaker at the largest journalism conference in the world,” Cat replies, a smirk sitting smugly and permanently on her lips. “So, of course I’m enjoying myself.”

“I bet.” Without thinking, Kara takes her hand and holds it.

Cat doesn’t shrug free of the casually intimate grip. “As I will enjoy just about anything for the next six hours, we might as well do what you’d like.”


Cat should have known better than to give Kara carte blanche control of their schedule like that, but she hadn’t thought to restrict plans from possible heart attacks. That’s how they end up at the Heart Attack Grill, with Kara three-quarters of the way through the Quadruple Bypass.

“Are you doin’ okay, hun?” The waitress looks as concerned as Cat feels.

“Could I get another order of fries?”

Cat’s eyes bulge, and the waitress staggers back. She jots the order down and stumbles back toward the kitchen. Cat leans forward.

“Kara, I don’t know if you’re aware, but normal people who look like you can’t humanly eat all that.” She stresses the word humanly and waits for Kara to understand.

Kara slows down and pats her stomach. “On second thought, maybe I should quit while I’m ahead….”

fallen--lilith  asked:

Hello! How about Ludwig's, Antonio's, Lovino's and Francis's reaction when thier S/O asked them to runaway with them. Not in a bad way, just like a quick vacation without plans and everything. Thank you so much!


“Runaway? Haha, you are muy cómico! …Wait, you are serious?” To say the least, he was shocked! Runaway? But, why? Wasn’t this fun already? Once you explained what you meant, he instantly agreed. But…where should they go? Italy? No…France? Yeah, no. After a while, they just decided to go somewhere in the Caribbean. After all, the beach was and is always the place to go!


“…Alright, fine. But no actual running, alright?!” Lovino would be as lazy as possible. He was fine just hanging around the house all day. But you managed to drag him out with a shower of kisses to his face. He was in a daze for the rest of the day and agreed to anything you said. He kind of regretted that when he found himself in your car on your way to France. That’s the last thing he wanted. Ever. But, he didn’t see the ‘french asshole’ anywhere, so he was alright. Next time, he’ll try not to be fooled by those kisses. Keyword: try.


No real running away would take place here. Ludwig was already flooded with work from his boss, so he can’t leave his country until he was done. Maybe he can’t take off on Friday and Monday so you both can have a long week ended. It would mostly just be the two of you literally walking all around Germany. It was nice, though! You learned a lot about the country in only four days! It made you want to learn the language in the end…maybe next time you want to hang out with him, you can get him to help!


“Mon amour, why didn’t you say so sooner?!” Francis would be extremely excited! Two weeks together traveling and exploring Europe together? It was one of his goals on the list he had stored in his desk. ‘Explore the world with my love.’ It can finally be checked off! He was mainly trying to make it as romantic as possible. Maybe a small black box will come out soon…? Who knows, but make sure he doesn’t try and take off another week!

hotdamnitslaura: I was inspired by @emafton to reread my favorite book East of Eden (go read it now if you haven’t) and just over 100 pages in this passage made me stop. I don’t think it could ever stop being relevant: “And this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual. This is what I am and what I am about. I can understand why a system built on a pattern must try to destroy the free mind, for that is the one thing which can by inspection destroy such a system. Surely I can understand this, and I hate it and I will fight against it to preserve the one thing that separates us from the uncreative beasts. If the glory can be killed, we are lost.” Carry on, warriors ✨


Hob  (Runic Games  2017)

Hob is the latest title from Runic Games, the developers of Torchlight 1 & 2. Set in a half organic, half machine world, it’s a wordless action/adventure game filled with exploration, light combat and mild puzzles. Drawing inspiration from titles such as Zelda, Ico and Shadow of Colossus (maybe even a bit of Metroid?), Hob takes things from each game and then adds its own spin on top of them while offering up a couple of new ideas in the process. After a friendly robot names Jeeves seemingly wakes you up to a partially deconstructed planet being taken over by an unknown life form, you start on a journey to get the world back to the way it was, all while finding out a bit more about what happened while you were slumbering.

After spending around 30 hours playing the game twice (average playtime seems to be around 10 hours) and spending almost another 35-40 just running around exploring and taking screenshots, i can safely say Hob has become one of my favorite games of all time. Even after spending all those hours getting to know the game world pretty thoroughly, i still crave more. While playing, and even afterwards, the feeling of one more thing waiting to be discovered was always present. And i don’t just mean normal gameplay type things (like a new upgrade, story revelations or a brand new area), i also mean things like little spots on the map you haven’t made it to yet, or maybe new paths to objectives you never realized were right in front of you. And this, to me, is why Hob is such a special game. The world, and the characters that inhabit it, are so full of detail, mystery and charm, you can’t help but want to explore and experience every last thing the game has to offer, big or small. Runic Games has utterly succeeded in creating an unique, intriguing and atmospheric world that just begs to be discovered. I never got tired of trying to reach a new vantage point just to take in the beautiful views or scouring the different areas looking for the subtle environmental storytelling.  

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Day 9: Saddest game scene

The ending to Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky.

You thought Pokémon was too kiddy to be serious and heavy? You’d be surprised how much better things get outside of the anime and main series of games. Even in simply grabbing this still off of Youtube, I had to turn off the music, and even then, exert a ton of willpower to not cry.Video here if you have tissues on hand. 

Now, if you want to just take the ending at face value, the video’s right there. But it runs so much deeper once you talk about it. Ever since your partner finds you beached, claiming to be a human despite clearly being a Pokémon, the two of you become fast friends, and you serve as their pillar of strength, giving them the courage to chase the dreams they were after. You join the Explorers Guild together, form a team, help out Pokémon in need, take down wanted criminals, and even when your mysterious past comes to light, your partner’s faith in you never wavers. The two of you learn that you really were a human, one who came from a desolate future with Grovyle, another trusted partner to rewrite history and create a new future. 

Together with your new and old partner, you set out once more to change history, departing for the source of the cataclysm, only to once again be confronted by Dusknoir, a foe who also hails from that ruined world. After a thorough trouncing, your partner steps away to activate the lift to go forward. This is when Dusknoir speaks to you and Grovyle, giving his reason for trying to stop them: if history is changed, they, as denizens of the future, will disappear. Grovyle knew and accepted this, and though it’s news to you now, you felt the same when you were a human. Grovyle drags Dusknoir back to the future, leaving you and your partner to save the world. And thanks to the power of the unbreakable bond you share, the two of you do just that.

But as the two of you depart, your objective complete, you shortly find Dusknoir’s words coming true, as your body starts to dissipate while that goddamn music plays give me a minute *blows nose* Players will realize this is actually the only time in the game where you speak. You have a lot of dialogue in this game as any protagonist should, but it’s all in the form of thoughts. Up to this point, there was never so much as a dialogue box for the few times you had to directly say something, even your name, to another Pokémon. And the words that come out are a hearfelt farewell. You say goodbye to your closest friend, telling them through every tear they shed how happy they made you, as you cease to exist altogether.

This is the kind of scene that perfectly demonstrates why gaming is the penultimate artform. It’s because it’s not just some character onscreen leaving, it’s us. We saved this world, we accepted what it meant, and now we are leaving our dear friend behind. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need tissues, again.

Promise Me.

Originally posted by svnteen-idiots

pairing: jihoon x reader
au: mermaid!reader

Your parents had warned you about the dangers of the surface. The creatures of the surface world were merciless animals, who killed each other and would not hesitate to do it. You had been taught to never swim too close to the shore, in case the currents brought you to land and you end up being killed. Your entire life you had looked up at the surface with the longing. As you got older, you got progressively more interested in the creatures who walked on two legs. You had let yourself get closer and closer to the shore whenever you went swimming.

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ellynore-moonwood  asked:

Hello, Dark We know that Mark makes YouTube videos on video games, home challenges, charity streams and short film skits for entertainment purposes. However, what would you do if YOU had a YouTube channel? What sort of entertaining videos would you be willing to create and provide for us to watch? I hope this question doesn't sound too... bothersome, sir. Thank you for your time to read this, anyway. - Ellynore


The cooing sound of Dark’s interest was light and airy in comparison to the normal baritone that came from his speaking voice. He lifted his hands, and slowly rubbed his palms together, leaning back in his seat with a whimsical expression. A coy grin, and he speak with one leg crossing over the other.

“My dear lovely, what an inspiring question. One I myself have never had the time to think over. Might I add that I am quite fond of your work.”

The most swift wink coaxed one eye shut, before he continued.

“While of course a fascination with horror genre would be cliche, I do possess a desire to dive into sultry, wicked parts of the human world through the games they have created. To uncover such horrible monstrosities of the human mind by the generated worlds they make, to frighten, to insight, to terrorize. You would see quite a bit of horror games on my channel, and perhaps philosophy as to why and how it was made. On top of that, of course, I would like to explore my musical talents, and express my abilities with the cello and beyond. Poetry, musicals, opera, reading novels, all of that sorts would be found in blend and kind.”