you loved me like a distant star

I AM SICK OF THE SAME OLD SMUT IN FANFICS

I’m tired of smut just being porn star worthy, professional, distant fucking

give me fic smut where the characters are new and awkward and ‘oh my god am I doing this right?’ and 'no, oh my fuck you don’t put it there’

give me fic smut where the characters are crying but not like 'that’s good dick’ crying or 'shit that hurts’ crying but rather 'oh my god I love this person more than life and we’re so close right now’ crying, gimme some of that full out bawling

give me fic smut where it’s all a joke and they’re doing anything they can to purposefully kill the mood just to make the other one laugh

give me fic smut where they’re trying things out and maybe things don’t go as planned but they keep going anyway and have a good time

give me fic smut where the characters are literally teasing each other the whole time, but not like sexually teasing but more like insults that are their way of flirting like 'ow you bit my tongue, nice going you clumsy asshole’ and 'fuck you, I made you spaghetti and this is the thanks I get?’

give me fic smut where they laugh, be it because one of them did something funny/embarrassing or because they’re just happy????

like can people in smut fics be more than attracted to each other and not just sex machines with their only priority being fucking???

‘You can’t love someone unless you love yourself first’ Bullshit. I have never loved myself. But you… Oh God, I love you so much I forgot what hating myself feels like
arctic monkeys lyrics meme

SINGLES

  • they’d probably like to throw a punch at me.
  • i’ll be yours until the stars fall from the sky.
  • i’m a mad motherfucker.
  • you’re a rule breaker, baby.

AM

  • ain’t it just like you to kiss me and then hit the road?
  • it’s not like i’m falling in love I just want you to do me no good
  • i’m trying to change your mind.
  • i wanna grab both your shoulders and shake.
  • you and me could have been a team.
  • i’m a puppet on a string.
  • satisfaction feels like a distant memory.
  • unfair we’re not somewhere misbehaving.
  • will you pour me one for the road?
  • i can’t explain but i want to try.  
  • it’s kinda strange now you’re gone
  • have you no idea that you’re in deep?
  • i dreamt about you nearly every night this week.
  • ‘cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you.
  • was sorta hoping that you’d stay.
  • maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new.
  • we could be together if you wanted to.
  • you call the shots, babe.
  • maybe i just wanna be yours.   
  • if i had a heart you’re the one who should break it.

SUCK IT AND SEE

  • you look like you’ve been for breakfast at the heartbreak hotel.  
  • i’m sure that you’re still breaking hearts.
  • i’m hanging on by the rings around my eyes.
  • be cruel to me 'cause i’m a fool for you.
  • that’s not a skirt, girl, that’s a sawn-off shotgun and i can only hope you’ve got it aimed at me.
  • baby, i was made to break your heart.

HUMBUG

  • can I call you her name?
  • there’s absolutely nothing for us here. 

FAVOURITE WORST NIGHTMARE

  • try and keep your trousers on.
  • i’d probably still adore you with your hands around my neck.
  • i crumble completely when you cry.
  • it seems like once again you’ve had to greet me with goodbye.
  • take off your wedding ring.
  • do me a favor, tell me to go away.
  • stop flattering yourself.
  • perhaps 'fuck off’ might be too kind.

If I could trace the stars like a dot to dot page in a children’s coloring book, it would be you, you’re my galaxy. You’re all I ever see, you’re every face I see in a crowded hallway, every voice I hear. My favorite taste and the smoothest touch. Every smile and entrancing smell, you’re all my senses, you consume me. All of me. All of me sees myself coming home to you waiting for me, but when I do, I wake up from a dream that begs to be dreamt, to be lived. But there you are and here I am, and this distance is absolutely suffocating me.

Fly By Love

Of all the planes in the sky, steely blue–
Flying here and there, headed who-knows-where–
The one that will, finally, bring me you
Is what I wait for, in hopeful despair.

For now, I’m making the paper kind soar,
Like elegant starlings starring the sky,
Watching them settle on the ground once more;
I’m grounded when, to you, I long to fly.

I take up my skirt in both aching hands
And twirl, my love for you making me trill,
Spinning until I can no longer stand…
The earth absorbing my tears as they spill.

Will you, I wonder, still want to be mine?
I hope you still think I’m “the one” offline.

“I miss you." 
"I miss you too and since we are seas apart, I do this everytime I miss you.”
“Tell me, what do you do, how do you overcome missing me?”
“I lay down on my bed, close my eyes and breathe, slowly open them, feels like you are here by my side, smiling I look up to the night, to the sky, to the stars, counting them and wishing for more of you. And that’s it, that’s it.” A long sigh.
“Silly, this makes me miss you even more.”


Love beyond boundaries, lands and water.

—  BINI //long distance concepts
Hiding every cloud under a smile

Jungkook X Reader

Admin Abbie

Enjoy!!

I’m actually posting this story on my wattpad but i’m posting it on here to see what you guys think and if you want me to continue to post it on here let me know!

Black and white.

This was all you could see. They world that use to be so full of life and color was now plain and painful. Nothing was beautiful anymore, Even the stars you loved so much now only bring you painful memories. Sometimes you wonder….if that never would have happened, what would your life be like now? Would you smile? Would you laugh? Maybe….

That was all but a distant dream to you now, Nothing would ever be the same…And you accepted this. But even though this world is colorless to you, you still continued to live and try everyday. Mainly because your father wont let you do otherwise…He was the only reason you decided to stay here and keep trying. He is the only reason you are still alive.

You walked downstairs and headed to the kitchen for breakfast, Luckily you don’t go to school anymore so you could sleep in as long as you wanted! and you didn’t have to worry about homework or projects or just people in general.

“Good Morning Y/N!” Your dad said

“Morning dad, Heading to work soon?”

“Indeed i am honey, I’ll be home early today though to make dinner! So don’t worry about that tonight.”

“Alright.”

Your dad got up after he finished his toast and coffee and before leaving he gave you a kiss on the forehead and headed out the door. You were now alone and your schedule today was..well…it was empty. You didn’t have any friends and the ones you did have are all scared of you now. So your best option is to watch TV or listen to music, Which is nothing new for you.

Keep reading

“You see, normally when one needs a vacation, you take leave snd go somewhere nice for R&R, but something about being capable of distant travel just makes that needlessly hard. Most dudes go to like Japan or Fiji or something, not that Star City sucks or anything, just, it’s not as glamorous as some places  work’s taken me.”

2

“If you saw humanity as I can see it, Uncle Jem said, a whisper in his mind, a lifeline. There is very little brightness and warmth in the world for me. I am very distant from you all. There are only four points of warmth and brightness, in the whole world, that burn fiercely enough for me to feel something like the person I was. Your mother, your father, Lucie, and you. You love, and tremble, and burn. Do not let any of them tell you who you are. You are the flame that cannot be put out. You are the star that cannot be lost. You are who you have always been, and that is enough and more than enough.”  (Nothing But Shadows, Tales from The Shadowhunter Academy #4)

the law of falling bodies (act i)

first part of the indie au: carmilla and danny accidentally become famous, elle accidentally becomes more than rough sadness, and laura exists somewhere beyond them all.

ft octavia and lexa and a whole lot of swearing at myself for ever thinking this was a good idea.

act i: carm is very small and very sad, mattie is glamorous, kirsch is a puppy, danny is kind, and elliot learns to be someone new.

//

‘forgive me, distant wars, for bringing flowers home.’
- wislawa szymborska, ‘under one small star’

//

you don’t remember much about your home before the wars began.  You were maybe six when the fighting came to your home, and only eight when your papa was killed while he was out getting you a new shirt for your school uniform.  Your mama would not speak to you, so you had to ask your teacher at school the next day, still in your old ripped school shirt.  You remember asking why your papa didn’t come home, because he said he would and you needed a new shirt and you also hadn’t slept very well because he didn’t rub your back and sing you that lullaby in his mother’s language, and you remember her getting very, very quiet.

Your mama answered you finally a few days later, said he wasn’t going to come home anymore; she said he had been blown into tiny pieces, and that you should stop asking because it was rude and upsetting.  You just didn’t understand, but mama was very sad, so you stopped asking.

The kids at school told you what was going on.  They explained to you, softly on the playground outside, that your mama’s people and your papa’s people did not get along sometimes.  They explained that the loud bangs that had become commonplace in your home were bombs, and guns, and angry men, and they explained that sometimes, people that shouldn’t be are hurt by these weapons.  They explained that your papa was ‘collateral damage’—a term an older boy with a scar on his cheek explained to you when you asked by simply motioning to the thick pink cord down his face.  You didn’t ask again.  

Your mama stopped speaking your papa’s language with you, stuck to her native tongue, so you would practise by yourself in your room at night time, whispering the lullaby into your sleeve so your mama wouldn’t hear.  You didn’t want her to get sad; more than that, you didn’t want her to hit you again.  She had started doing that when she caught you speaking Serbian or soft words of Hebrew, slapping you with the back of her hand, muttering apologies later when she came to tuck you in.

Zogu,’ she would say, softly into your hair, ‘forgive me.  I don’t mean to be so cruel; sometimes my heart just aches.  Sometimes it simply hurts too much to hear.  Please understand.’  So you would turn over and place your hand on her cheek, very softly.  

‘It’s alright mama,’ you would whisper, ‘it’s alright.  I miss him very much too.’  And she would sniffle a bit then pat your tummy, say, ‘goodnight, zemra ime,’ and turn out your light.

Keep reading

the signs as Taylor Swift lyrics
  • Aries: "Long live the walls we crashed through
  • How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
  • I was screaming long live all the magic we made
  • And bring on all the pretenders
  • One day, we will be remembered" - Long Live
  • Taurus: "Untouchable like a distant diamond sky, Mmmm
  • I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why
  • I'm caught up in you, I'm caught up in you
  • Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun
  • And when you're close I feel like coming undone" - Untouchable
  • Gemini: "I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
  • I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
  • Oh, I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world" - A Place In This World
  • Cancer: "Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
  • Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
  • And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
  • I've never been anywhere cold as you" - Cold As You
  • Leo: "Hold on, baby, you're losing it
  • The water's high, you're jumping into it
  • And letting go... and no one knows
  • That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
  • That you might not be the golden one
  • And you're tied together with a smile
  • But you're coming undone" - Tied Together With A Smile
  • Virgo: "Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
  • Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
  • People are people, and sometimes it doesn't work out,
  • Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out." - Breathe
  • Libra: "This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
  • I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
  • I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
  • I was enchanted to meet you" - Enchanted
  • Scorpio: "Stood there and watched you walk away
  • From everything we had
  • But I still mean every word I said to you
  • He would try to take away my pain
  • And he just might make me smile
  • But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead" - Haunted
  • Sagittarius: "Oh, a simple complication,
  • Miscommunications lead to fall-out.
  • So many things that I wish you knew,
  • So many walls that I can't break through." - The Story of Us
  • Capricorn: "It was a few years later, I showed up here.
  • And they still tell the legend of how you disappeared,
  • How you took the money and your dignity, and got the hell out.
  • They say you bought a bunch of land somewhere,
  • Chose the Rose Garden over Madison Square,
  • And it took some time, but I understand it now." - The Lucky One
  • Aquarius: "This is the last time I'm asking you this,
  • Put my name at the top of your list,
  • This is the last time I'm asking you why,
  • You break my heart in the blink of an eye." - The Last Time
  • Pisces: "And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid
  • I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did
  • I've been spending the last eight months
  • Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end
  • But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again" - Begin Again

you are nothing more than just
a distant memory in my brain,
with not-so distant memories of happiness,
love,
and heartbreak.
not-so distant memories of
wedding plans,
star gazing at two in the morning,
and school hallway make-out sessions.
so, what do i do, with all these memories
that haunt my dreams at night?
because i have tried to move on,
to kiss boys who call me nice names,
but their lips taste like poison
compared to yours.
and now i’m left with swollen lips,
a broken heart,
and tainted memories of a stranger who i know all too well.
—  the story of my first heartbreak @soft-snuggles

anonymous asked:

What are your absolute favorite fics?

Bless you soul for asking anonnie, I’ve been wanting to do a post like this for awhile now ୧( ॑ധ ॑)୨

Angst aka Some of the most Beautiful Writing You’ll Ever Read

Give Me Your Hands (I Will Pick the Stars For You)  I miss you like the moon misses the sun, destined to chase you until the end of time.

(This is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I really love fairy tales and this was brilliantly written.( ɵ̥̥ ˑ̫ ɵ̥̥) )

American Beauty/ American Pyscho  A drabble for each song on fall out boy’s album american beauty / american psycho.  

(I love Fall Out Boy’s music oops im an angsty teenager sue me and these three drabbles perfectly portrayed some of my favourite songs.)

Distant Dreams Jungkook is the sun. Taehyung is the moon.

(I’ve recced this fic numerous times because I can’t get over it. It’s terribly lovely.( ・ᴗ・̥̥̥ ) )

Drama? Fluff? Angst? Brilliant plots. And some sarcastic humour.

Strictly Business  Smart and handsome millionaire Jeon Jungkook is around his secretary Kim Taehyung pretty much 24/7, and in the three years the exceptional older boy has worked for him, Jungkook has finally learnt what it feels like to be loved.

(This was on of my first Taekook fics to read [it was ongoing back then] and I still really love it.) 

Ritch Bitch  When you make six figures a year, Valentino isn’t that big of a deal.

(10/10 would do again.໒( ♥ ◡ ♥ )७ )

Get Me Out of My Mind (Get You Out of Those Clothes Taehyung never thought he’d fall in love with his roommate. Then again, he never thought his roommate would have been a literal gift from god either

King of the Library, Knight of His Trade Moral of the story? Don’t fuck with Jeon Jungkook or else you’ll end up ruining your perfect attendance to chase his coattails. 

(This story is everything you need in life. I am Tae and Jeongguk. Like mix the two characters and you get me.)

I’d Give You Some Violets but They Withered It’s no secret Taehyung loves flowers. Jeongguk hates sunlight.

(Very lovely. I just really like this. ˉ̞̭(′͈∨‵͈♡)˄̻ ̊ )

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Taehyung is a lost college student. He falls in love with the radio DJ on Cool FM who comes on at midnight every day.

(I love this fic. Like the plot and storyline. Gguk and Tae are frustrating but their characters have depth.)

I hope you read and love these fics as much as  I do! And sorry for this being such a long post. 

♡ Admin N(ezzie)

Stargazing (Daryl Dixon imagine)

imagine: you and Daryl ditch one of Deanna’s parties for a spot of (accidental) stargazing and a night of bonding. (2,495 words)

based on this request from anonymous: this is going to be the most vague thing ever but I’ve always loved star gazing one shots so maybe like there’s a party at Alexandria and Daryl and the reader don’t want to stay and they end up on a roof looking at/talking about stars and it’s all fluffy and cute (as fluffy as Daryl can get anyway tbh)

an: i loved this request so so much!! there’s actually not much stargazing involved but i hope you like what i did with it :) - georgia

as always, please message me for credit if this is your gif!

The distant buzzing of music and talking was the first thing I noticed as I walked down the street. The second thing was the painfully bright light coming from my destination, the third a figure stood outside, obviously hesitant to enter. I felt exactly the same.

When Deanna had invited us to the first party, I’d been in complete disbelief. Myself and my group had just entered the Alexandria safe-zone, we were clearly not in a good way, and she had the audacity to invite us to a party? Although Maggie, Glenn, Tara and the rest had begged me to join them, I’d stubbornly refused. Drinking acidic alcohol in a room full of strangers was the last thing I wanted to do.

This time, the pleading look on Michonne’s face was enough to convince me. After hearing them all insist the last one wasn’t too bad, I didn’t have much reason to say no. I was reluctant to cause them any more stress than necessary and apparently, leaving me alone in the large, cold house that was full of echoes made them feel bad. Tara’s promise of getting me drunk made the prospect of socialising with our new neighbours a little more bearable.

However, as I approached Deanna’s home, I regretted saying yes. My heart was beating ridiculously fast in my chest and I felt my palms begin to sweat. I was a little late and had ordered my family to go on without me, which they did so reluctantly after I had repeated “I’ll be right there!” a thousand times. Having to enter the unknown territory alone was a frightening idea; luckily, the stranger lurking outside was no stranger at all.

“Waiting for a written invitation?” I called to Daryl as I approached a little more confidently. At least I wouldn’t be the last to arrive alone. Daryl’s head snapped round to throw me a brief grin before he diverted his gaze back to the house which now loomed above me menacingly.

“I ain’t sure I’m goin’,” he muttered uncertainly, shoving his hands into his pockets and turning to face me.

“Well, I’m not going in alone,” I stated, raising my eyebrows, challenging him to leave me stranded. He let out a puff of air and shook his head at me. “C’mon, let’s just go in together.” Another glare. “Please?”

“Fine. But if I leave after two minutes don’t go accusin’ me of ditchin’ ya.”

“Deal.”

Daryl and I climbed the stairs to the front porch side by side, both looking equally awkward and nervous. You’d have thought we were being forced towards the front door with a gun to our backs. We found the door unlocked and wandered in slowly. I folded my arms over my chest and hoped we hadn’t drawn too much attention to ourselves by entering late. Fortunately, it appeared that the residents of Alexandria enjoyed these parties far too much to notice a couple of latecomers.

A prod in the back reminded me that the normal thing to do would be to enter the large room everyone was gathered in, rather than linger suspiciously in the hallway. I turned to frown at Daryl, silently communicating to him that I didn’t appreciate being pushed forward into a crowd of strangers. His expression was stormy as he took in the scene: people were laughing, drinking, eating and chatting in every inch of the room. I couldn’t help but think it was as though they were unaware of the world we lived in and I would’ve bet that the same thought was running through Daryl’s mind.

I took the opportunity to absorb Daryl’s appearance, as it appeared he’d made the tiniest effort not to look like he’d just turned up after a day of hunting. He wore dark jeans and a black button-up with his leather vest over the top. Though his hair was as messy as always, the visible skin on his arms and face appeared clean, which was quite the improvement on Daryl’s usual efforts.

He caught me staring and smiled sarcastically before taking another step into the room and leaning against the nearest wall. Though Daryl may have not seemed pleasant company to anyone else, his presence was calming to me. We’d been close since the prison, both being similarly quiet and uncomfortable around strangers. Our mutual shyness had been a hurdle when we first met, but eventually we became more open with each other and realised how much we had in common.

I stood next to Daryl, my arms still folded and his hands still buried deep in his pockets, and observed the mass of strangers who outnumbered our friends ten to one. I’d occasionally catch a glimpse of a familiar face, but they were soon engulfed in the ever-moving crowd of people. Several times, Tara and Rosita beckoned me over and I waved dismissively, mouthing that I was fine where I was. I felt bad for not joining them but I knew that it would most likely lead to me being introduced to people I didn’t care to meet.

I turned to Daryl with a sigh and saw that he was already looking at me. Expecting him to turn away in embarrassment, I felt my cheeks turn a little red, but he kept his eyes fixed on mine. I grinned awkwardly and attempted to cover up my girlish reaction to his stare. “It’s hot in here.”

“Uh-huh,” Daryl grunted, looking away and observing the party-goers once more. “This ain’t my kinda party.”

“Oh yeah?” I responded, laughing. “Is any party your kind of party?”

“Not really,” he scoffed. “A little more beer would’ve helped, though.”

I looked around to see what he meant and saw that many of the guests stood without a drink, seemingly happy just to stand and chat. The thought that Daryl and I needed the promise of alcohol to have a good time made me laugh sadly and I decided he was right. This wasn’t my kind of party either.

“Let’s go,” I mumbled, picking up my bag from the nearby table I’d placed it on and walking out without waiting for Daryl’s response. I knew he’d follow.


Instinctively, Daryl and I walked out of Deanna’s house and in the direction of our own. However, as we approached our home, an idea popped into my head. As aware as I was that the idea was completely irresponsible, I voiced it anyway.

“Hey, let’s climb onto the roof.”

“What?” Daryl replied with an exhale of amusement.

“I don’t wanna go home,” I explained. “I want to do something fun.”

“Gettin’ yourself killed might not be so fun.” I sighed, not wanting to do something so careless without someone to share the enjoyment with. Daryl suddenly jogged over to the side of the house and looking up towards the roof. Without warning, he placed a foot on either side of the piping that ran from the ground to the top of the house and began climbing. I laughed and rushed over to join him. 

“Isn’t there a window we could’ve climbed out of?” I shouted to Daryl as we made our way upwards. The climb was easier than I’d expected as the pipe jutted out at the sides every metre or so. Despite this, I was extremely relieved when I looked up to see Daryl had reached the roof and I only had a short way to go. 

“Y’alright?” Daryl murmured as he gripped onto my upper arm to help me up onto the sloping rooftop. Forgetting I was wearing a dress, I launched myself forward and lay down without thinking about the consequences. A cough from Daryl alerted me that I was a little more exposed than I’d have liked to be. Blushing again, I pulled my dress down as Daryl chuckled and lay down next to me.

“First party of the apocalypse was a disappointment,” I joked to break the tension. “At least we didn’t embarrass ourselves, though.”

“Saved that for after the party, did ya?” Daryl replied, holding his hands up apologetically when I threw him a disapproving look.

“Michonne said I should wear this dress,” I mumbled, suddenly feeling the need to defend myself from Daryl’s judgmental eyes. In fact, the reason I’d been late was because I’d come downstairs in jeans and a t-shirt to find everyone looking significantly smarter. Michonne had given me directions to a dress I could borrow, which didn’t turn out to look as awful on me as I’d anticipated. It was grey, long sleeved, with a scooped neckline and loose fit. It had taken ten minutes of examination from every angle before I finally convinced myself that I looked half-decent.

“Didn’t think ya were a dress kinda gal,” Daryl practically whispered, staring up into the sky which had turned from deep blue to the darkest black in the time we’d been at the party.

“Nah. Feel kinda stupid in it, now,” I responded, tugging down on the skirt as I spoke.

“Well, at least ya look nice,” he said quickly, as if wanting to get the words out before the courage escaped him. Daryl had never so much as complimented my personality before, so the approval of my appearance caused me to look over at him in surprise. His eyes were fixed firmly on the stars above and I smirked before gazing in the same direction.

“Thanks,” I breathed. “So, know any constellations?”

“The fuck’s a constellation?” Daryl grumbled and the laughter his comment brought me eased any awkwardness between us. 

We lay on our backs staring up at the gleaming stars and I marveled at how every time I focused on one, another seemed to appear. Daryl and I had been silent for a while and just as I was contemplating interrupting the peace, he did the job for me.

“What you got in there?” Daryl asked, gesturing vaguely to the small bag I’d balanced on my stomach. I sat up and turned to face him as he rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his hand. Clearing my throat dramatically, I prepared to present Daryl with the few belongings I’d shoved in the clutch that I’d found in one of the wardrobes.

“Here we have a ring,” I began, forcing my voice to be loud and deep in an impression of a television host. Just the sound of it brought a small smirk to Daryl’s lips. “And some lipstick! Wow.” My voice dripped with sarcasm as I pulled each item out of my bag with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Next up, a rare packet of tissues and… a condom?”

Daryl snorted with laughter as I stared at the small package, completely bewildered by its presence. “Hopin’ to get lucky?” Daryl questioned, still wearing a stupid grin.

“Yeah, totally,” I scoffed. “No… it must’ve been in there already.”

“Pfft, sure,” Daryl joked. I rolled my eyes at his immaturity and threw the condom into the air, where the wind caught it and carried it into the distance. “What a waste.”

I laughed quietly, trying not to let my mind wonder what would’ve happened if Daryl and I had decided not to “waste” the condom. Feeling myself get more flustered by the second, I continued rummaging through the bag.

“Nail varnish!” I exclaimed, holding the bottle of dark blue liquid in Daryl’s face. He scrunched his nose up as if already aware of what my next suggestion would be. “Let me paint your nails.”

“Nah.”

“Please?”

“Definitely not.”

“Pretty please?”

Ten minutes of protesting from Daryl and persuading from me lead to our next deal: Daryl would allow me to paint his left hand with the navy polish in exchange for me agreeing to actually get drunk with him at Deanna’s next party. I’d pleaded with him to let me do both hands, but he assured me that no amount of alcohol in the world would convince him to let me do that. I personally didn’t see the difference but I was thrilled that he was letting me do it at all.

“Hold still,” I muttered as I prepared to paint. Daryl lay his hand flat against the roof but every time I neared him with the brush, he’d jolt away ever so slightly. I became increasingly frustrated and eventually grabbed his hand in my own, holding it in my lap and finally beginning my artistry. Daryl’s skin burned against mine and I pretended to be unaware of his pulse against my fingers. I could feel his gaze fixated on my concentrated face as I painted all five nails quickly and held his hand up to eye level, feeling proud of my work. Eventually, I forced myself to meet Daryl’s eyes and let go of his hand, though it took him a few moments to draw away.

He studied his freshly painted nails with apparent disgust, poking at them with his other hand and making faces when the polish stuck to his fingers. I simply laughed at his naivety. “Why’s it all wet?”

“You’ve gotta wait for it to dry,” I explained. “But you’ve ruined it, now.”

“What a shame,” he smiled sarcastically. “Whatcha wanna do now?”

“We could go get drunk,” I suggested.

“At the party?” 

“Nah, just inside,” I said, nodding to the house below us. Daryl stood up and I took this as agreement to my plan. He held out his non-painted hand to me and I took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet. “Who’d have known it? Daryl Dixon is a secret gentleman.”

“Shu’up.”

“I’m gonna tell everyone,” I sang, making my way over to the pipe we’d climbed up and looking down nervously. It seemed at lot higher than when we’d ascended, but I found my feet quickly and climbed down to the ground in minutes. Bitterly, I thought about how the months we’d spent wandering outside of these walls hadn’t been for nothing: I could climb down pipes!

I stood at the bottom waiting for Daryl and shamelessly admiring his arms as he effortlessly clambered down. When he was a few feet from the bottom, a flashing glint caught my eye and I looked to my right to see the condom lying on the floor, waiting for me. I glanced over to Daryl, who still had his back to me, before rushing over to grab it and shove it in my clutch. Unfortunately, I hadn’t been as stealthy as I thought and I straightened up to find a smirking Daryl having caught me in the act.

“I, uh…” I stuttered, blushing furiously and not knowing what excuse I could give. Honestly, I’d just wanted to have the damn thing just in case a moment arrived where I’d need it, but the look on Daryl’s face seemed to suggest I’d already decided when that moment would be. “Y’know. Don’t wanna waste it.”

“Yeah. Right,” Daryl said, nodding with a falsely serious expression. “Let’s go get drunk.”

You are to me, like the galaxy. I wish you weren’t so difficult to get to, I wish you weren’t so distant, either way, I get lost admiring you. Will I ever be close enough ? Part of me still hopes so. People say it’s the black holes in your eyes that sucked me in, but I could’ve sworn I saw galaxies in them.
—  I wish on stars for you
I wanted the essence of you. Those moments of starring,, heavy breathing, I could feel the shivers running down my spine, and my hands going cold, my body longing for your warmth. We felt so distant, and we’d always want to be closer and to feel each other’s sking touching, colliding, pressing.
After a while, I realized I didn’t want you to be ine forever, nor did I want you to love me later. All I wanted was you to touch me and make me unholy, and I wanted to commit those sins and wake up feeling like hell in the next morning. There was a thunderstorm outside, and we were rivers away, and I was feeling too cold without feeling your body heat. I wanted to whisper, telling you “make me burn, baby”, and I wanted to bite your neck and taste your skin, taste you.
While alone, in bed, I dreamt about your hand around my throat and your mouth telling me that you were mine. I could feel your lips wandering through my skin, exploring the mountains and valleys. I wanted us to be teared apart that night…
Why me, after all? A question I can’t answer, and I still don’t trust you for your answer, but your “I’m-No-Saint” face makes me forget about the doubt and let go of myself and say “fuck you” to the rest of the universe.
I am lost in your cigarette scent and inside your naughty eyes, showing me the sparkle of your always high soul. Your hands hold and take me with a kind of creepy urge, as if I was gonna disappear later. But I won’t, so you just pass your fingertips on places I’ve never thought of, and that makes me have goosebumps and surrender.
What are we?
We are the night sky tempesties and thunders, the stardust and solar storms, fighting to find each other in the middle of nowhere and find peace into each other’s despair.
—  E.V. Cazallas
We look up at the same sky see the same stars, see the same sun, moon, same world. Yet somehow the world we used to share, the things I used to feel with you, for you, have become so distant. I used to feel like when I looked up at the sky and saw those stars, no matter what I felt like I could hear your voice through the wind cutting in between them, like you were there too. Like you were right next to me on the same star. Now the distance between us feels like chasing a rainbow after a storm, you’ll never actually find the end because it doesn’t end, missing you, chasing you, doesn’t end. We used to look up at the same sky, i used to be able to feel close to you even when we were worlds away. Now I feel like every time I talk to you I have to wait for the moon to set and the sun to rise again, because now, that’s how far you’ve grown from me. A distance I’ll never be able to reach, running after you is like chasing after a sunset, you’ll never get there, but the thought of touching the flaming red sun at the horizon is so beautiful you keep running even though in the end you’ll get burned.
—  What it’s like to love you
Did I ever tell you
That your eyes are like jewels
Pale sapphires that I could stare at like the stars in the night sky
Did I ever tell you
That your hair feels like cotton
I love to bury my fingers in it because it’s so incredibly soft
Did I ever tell you
That your scent is intoxicating
So wearing your shirt to bed helps me to fall asleep easier
Did I ever tell you
That you’re the perfect height
When you hug me my head lands on your chest and I can listen to your heart beating
Did I ever tell you
That your laugh is beautiful
It makes me want to kiss you whenever that smile breaks out onto your face
Did I ever tell you
It’s so cute when you say “buh”
Knowing I’ve flustered you somehow that you can no longer find words to use
Did I ever tell you
That even though you live so far away
My feelings for you don’t fade and continue to grow
Did I ever tell you
It hurts to be away from you
But it helps me realize with each passing day just how much I love you
—  did I ever tell you just how much I really love you
Sometimes when I look at you, I feel like I’m gazing at a distant star. It’s dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago. Maybe the star doesn’t even exist anymore. Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything.
—  Haruki Murakami, South Of The Border, West Of The Sun
One day in the distant future, or who knows, maybe one day soon, we will watch the stars together and admire the universe and all its beauty. Thinking about it makes me smile a little bigger and softly laugh to myself. I love it. I like you. I look forward to that day.
—  8:32pm thoughts// beautiful, beautiful, magnificent desolation