Never Let Her Go (Thomas JeffersonxReader)
This is a modern spin off of “We Know.” What if there was something more behind the confrontation. What if there was something personal James and Thomas had against Alexander and what if there was something Alexander wanted to keep more than his reputation?
Alexander stood, quaking and terrified, completely at the mercy of Aaron Burr, James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson, because of what they knew. He timidly handed them the letter, knowing that he might be signing away his happiness in order to clear his name.
He saw Thomas’s myriad of emotions: anger, confusion, a glint of hope.
It was a pivotal moment of a hurricane of emotions that had been going on for years. It had begun in the senior year of college.
Your head jerked up, your attention captured once again by his brilliance and his fiery passion. You grinned watching him passionately argue his case.
“Y/N!” Your friend said, jerking you back to attention. You to tried to hide your blush at being caught. He didn’t seem to notice.
“Hi Thomas.” You said, smiling at your friend as he slid into the seat next to you with his lunch.
He looked handsome as ever, his curls wild, his smile broad, and his eyes seemed brighter than ever. The only thing lacking was…
“Thomas, where’s Ashley?” You asked.
“Who?” He asked.
“She isn’t my girlfriend. Wasn’t. Anyways, whatever we were she got upset with me for spending so much time with you, so she had to go.” Thomas said.
Your heart warmed. In all the years you guys had been in college, he’d had one or two girlfriends. He never let them interfere with your friendship. You didn’t date anymore. Not after a horrible experience where your boyfriend had cheated on you. That had scarred you. Even today, you sometimes felt as though you weren’t enough for anyone.
“But that’s not what I wanted to talk about…I got you something.” Thomas said, sliding your favorite dessert across the table to you. You smiled at his sweetness. You noticed his eyes wandering, and you followed them. You saw your other friend James Madison. For some reason he was sitting under a tree, quite a ways away from you guys. He was nodding at Thomas, seemingly encouragingly.
Thomas turned back to you.
“I, uh, heard that you’ve got a crush on somebody. Some strong feelings. Do you wanna tell me more about that?” Thomas asked, a sly lilt in his eyes.
Suddenly you realized that James had told Thomas about your crush on Alexander Hamilton!
“I can’t believe James told you. Well, for your information. It is indeed true. He’s extremely intelligent, and handsome and passionate….I don’t know what to do about it though.” You said.
Thomas’s grin nearly split his face in half and his eyes were so bright they rivaled the sun.
“Y/N you are amazing. You are intelligent, and sweet, and gorgeous, and supportive. Any guy would be lucky to be with you and if they know you well enough then they know that. Go for it.” He said.
“You’re right.” You said. Getting a burst of courage from Thomas’s words, you stood up from your chair.
Thomas looked confused and baffled. You didn’t notice, as you focused on Alexander, making your way to him.
“Y/N!” Alexander smiled when he saw you. He had finished his argument and had been sitting by himself writing something.
“Can I talk to you?” You asked.
Thomas couldn’t breathe. That’s what it felt like for a few seconds, like he was being smothered. He felt so helpless and powerless and utterly crushed.
“Thomas. What was that?” James asked.
“Yeah James! What was that? You said that she liked someone and said that I needed to make a move. I thought that you meant me. I thought you meant that she had finally realized her feelings for me!”
Thomas yelled angrily at James.
“No! I meant that she had a crush on Alexander and I wanted you to man up and tell her already before you have to go through the pain of standing her be with him! Thomas. I know you. You’ve loved her since senior year in high school. I still don’t know why you haven’t made a move.”
“I’ve been waiting for her. None of these other girls work for me. During high school she wasn’t interested in relationships. She wanted to get into college, this college. I wanted to help her. After that, I was waiting. Eventually she would see that we belong together…now all of a sudden she’s interested in relationships but not with me, her best friend, but with ALEXANDER?!” Thomas was alternating between mad and sad.
“It’ll be okay, Thomas. You know how Alexander is. Chances are he’ll mess up.
They’ll break up. It’ll get better. One day, she’ll be happy, because of you. You’ll make her happy.” James said, trying to comfort him.
Thomas locked the door to the emptying classroom, cornering Alexander after the debate.
“Hamilton. I need to talk to you.” He said.
“Jefferson, I think you got it all out in the debate.” Alexander responded.
“It’s not about that. It’s about Y/N.”
Alexander stopped. A small smile appeared on his face.
“You want to talk about my Y/N? My amazing girlfriend?” Alex said.
Thomas felt a knife twist in his heart when Alexander called you his. Alexander knew this.
“You love her. And I can see why. She’s amazing. And you know what? You missed out on a great girl. Once in a lifetime. She’s been friends with you for years and you never made a move. I did. And now she’s mine, and I’m not letting her go.” Alexander said.
Thomas felt like he’d just taken a fury of blows. He was almost doubled over in pain from the truth and the impact of Alexander’s words. Yet, he maintained his composure.
“You better make her happy. Give her the world, because she deserves it. And I’m letting you know now, if you ever, ever do anything to let her slip from your grasp, if you ever jealousies e her happiness, heaven hell me I will, take her and I will hold onto her and cherish her. You understand. You ever let her slip…” Thomas trailed off in fury and pain and longing.
“I’ve got to go. I have a date with the most amazing girl in the world tonight.” He said, walking out the door, leaving Thomas wallowing in the pain of heartbreak.
In one way James had been right, Thomas thought, smiling,mad he saw you. You looked radiant, more beautiful than the sun, as you walked down the aisle in your white dress, towards the later where he stood. His heart ached with love for you. Even as you joined hands with Alexander and made your vows to him.
It was painful being up here. Being in your wedding party. He should’ve been the groom, not one of the men of honor, but he was your best friend and when you’d asked him and he said yes, you’d been so happy. James was right. In the end, Thomas had made you happy, just not in the way that he wanted. James had been wrong. Everything didn’t turn out okay. Alexander was no good for you. Thomas knew that. He’d always known that. You didn’t realize it until months after the wedding.
Thomas barely noticed. His heart had shattered the moment you said, “I do.”
Alex was never home. At first you could understand. You guys were both hardworking. Yet, it began to hurt when he would be gone for days at a time, then come home and still not be there…
You spent more time with Thomas than with Alex. Just like when he’d been dating, the same rules applied, you never let your significant other ruin your relation- friendship. You guys had set expectations of time you were supposed to spend together and you held each other to that. That’s how you ended up spending more time with Thomas than with Alex.
You couldn’t help but notice how similar Thomas was to Alex. Handsome, intelligent, passionate…. You’d always loved him as a friend. You couldn’t help but wonder if the similarities between him and Alex are what drew you to love Alex.
You pushed he thought away as you prepared for the spring break trip with your family. Surely this is a way you could spend time with him. You reserved two tickets and two spots at a resort in the Bahamas. That night was one of the few nights Alex was at dinner. You had coerced him into a date night.
“Hey Alex. Guess what?” You asked.
“What?” Alex asked, not even looking up from his phone.
“Well you know how we haven’t had the chance to spend a lot of time together.”
“Yeah. I do wish we had more time to spend together y/n.” Alex said looking up from his phone and putting it away in his pocket.
“Well next week is spring break, so I booked us some spots at a resort in the Bahamas!” You said excitedly, beaming.
Alex’s smile turned a but uneasy.
“Uh, about that. I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it to spring break. I need to work.” He said. You felt your heart drop in disappointment. You barely heard his excuse about getting a plan through Congress and how much pressure he was under.
“I’ll make it up to you Y/N, I promise. When this is all over I’ll take you wherever you want to go. It’ll just be the two of us for two whole weeks. All that alone time with you sounds like heaven. I love you…”
His words said one thing. His actions said something totally different.
“What are you doing for spring break y/n? I know that you took off and that your plans with Alexander fell through. I figured that everyone else already has plans by now…” Thomas trailed off.
“You’re absolutely right. I guess that I’m just going to lounge around the empty house.” You said.
“Well, I have a place in France and I know of many fun things to do there. Would you like to do come with me? It’ll be just like good old times. Remember our senior trip in high school?” Thomas asked.
“Yes! Thomas I’d love that. It sounds like so much fun…but I don’t really know if that’s appropriate.” You said, trying to stay loyal to Alexander. This trip sounded too close to being romantic and that wasn’t right. No matter how much that twisted evil part of you longed for it. Longed for Thomas.
You ended up going to the Bahamas with Angelica. Alex stayed home. Where Miss Maria Reynolds walked into his life.
That brings us back full circle. Alex stood in a room, cornered by Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Aaron Burr. They knew what he’d done. Despite all the money he’d paid, he was still here in the second situation he most feared. If Thomas had his way then the first situation he most feared might happen and he couldn’t bear the thought of that.
They read the letter. Aaron looked mildly appalled, James looked furious, Thomas had a myriad of emotions on his face.
“Whaaaaa-” he trailed off.
“How could you do this to Y/N?” James asked, furious. Thomas was as well. You were their friend and Alex had hurt you. They were both mad. They knew how much this would hurt you.
“What the hell is your problem Alexander? You have the most amazing girl in the world and she still wasn’t enough for you. You don’t freaking deserve her! I always knew you didn’t.” Thomas yelled.
“He’s paid almost $30,000 to keep this hidden.” James said. Realization dawned on Thomas as the room cleared out.
“You didn’t pay all that money to protect your reputation. You were trying not to lose her. You remember years ago, I told you if you ever let her go….” Thomas shook his head, a wry smile forming on his face.
“Wait! No! Please!” Alexander cried.
Slowly, he lowered himself to his knees.
“I can’t lose her. I’m begging you. I know what you’re going to do. You’re going to try to take her, but she’s happy with me. I can make her happy, I swear just-” Alexander looked like he was on the verge of tears.
“You remeber when you ditched her during spring break. I invited her to Paris. With me. Just us. Alone.” Alexander gasped, looking up at Thomas in anger.
“She said no. She declined my offer saying that it would be inappropriate. She didn’t want to do anything that could possibly resemble disloyalty to you. And you repay her by going and bringing another woman to your bed! You don’t deserved her. And you know it. You knew what this cheating would do to her. You also know that she’s not going to be able to forgive you for this. You’ve let her go Alexander.” Thomas said, leaving the room.
When you found out you were numb, shocked. At first you were angry. How dare he?! Then you were just sad. How come you weren’t enough for him? Were you truly never enough for anyone? You packed up your clothes into a suitcase. You had a job, you had money, you didn’t need Alexander and this empty house that he had bought.
“Y/N?” Alexander cried, when he came into the house and saw you.
“How could you?!” you screamed at him.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it I promise you. We can fix thi-What are you doing?” he asked gesturing to your suitcase.
You ignored him and continued moving towards the door.
“NO! Y/N please.” He fell to his knees in front of the door.
“I love you.” He whispered, tears running down his face.
Your heart broke at the sound of the tender lie he had whispered too many times. You walked around him and slammed the door behind you, breaking down once you were outside.
On the other side of the door, Alexander brushed his lips, remembering when he had kissed you goodbye that morning. It was the last time he would ever kiss you.
“Y/N. Come over. I’m not going to let you wallow in a hotel room by yourself during a time like this. If you’re not going to be with Angelica or Eliza or James or any of your other friends, then you are going to be with me. You are not going to go through this alone. Get down here to Monticello.”
You hung up with Thomas and drove out to Monticello.
He was there to greet you with a pair of sweats, an array of your favorite snacks, and a large fleece blanket. He’d gotten quite a few tips from Angelica and Eliza.
“Why am I never enough for anyone? Why can’t anyone love me?” you asked after 2 minutes of crying on Thomas’s shoulder.
“Y/N. It’s not a problem with you at all. I love you. I’ve always loved you. When Charles cheated on you, Alexander cheated on you, I still loved you. I’ve always loved you. And all of this time I’ve sat by and watched these guys who don’t deserve you…You are enough. You’ve always been enough, more than enough to me.” Thomas blurted.
You pulled away from him, wide-eyed.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Not now. You need time. We both need time. Here, I’ll call Angelica. You can stay with the Schuylers. I’m calling them now.”
Your friendship didn’t suffer. Thomas was still there for you, like he had been before. He helped you through the tough transition of the divorce. Your friendship continued as though nothing had happened…but in the back of your mind, his confession was still there. The seeds had been planted, and in spite of everything else, they grew.
A few months after the divorce, you and Thomas had your first official date. He was an amazing boyfriend. Just right for you. For once in your life, you’d found the right man, who realized your worth and realized that you were more than enough.