How I Know I'm Polish.
1. You or someone in your family owns a van with a white and red PL Sticker proudly displayed on the back windshield.
2. You have relatives who aren’t really your relatives and you refer to them as “ciocia” “wujek” anyways.
3. You sing the same song - “100 lat” - on every occasion weddings, birthdays, baby showers.
4. You watch soccer and always hope they will win in the World Cup.
5. You know very well Pope John Paul II was Polish and his name was Karol, not Carol.
6. You go to Midnight Mass every Christmas Eve and keep your Christmas tree up till February.
7. You drink your wodka straight.
8. You open your presents on Christmas Eve.
9. You don’t feel the need to add an “s” to pierogi because you already know the word is plural and it annoys you when others do. However, you still add ‘y’ to already plural English words… “chipsy”, dzinsy”.
10. You are forced to listen to Disco Polo by your parents.
11. You can spot Polish people like Asians can spot each other because They just have that “Polish Look”.
12. When others find out you’re Polish, they tell you about every Polish person they’ve ever met, which is most likely followed by them mispronouncing common phrases such as “czesc” or “dziekuje”.
13. Your name always gets slaughtered on the first day of school.
14. The thought of eating cow stomach (flaczki) doesn’t gross you out.
15. When you’re at a stranger’s house, you expect their garbage can to be Under the sink.
16. Every window in your house must have “firanki”, even in the bathroom.
17. Once in a while, you do a big “przemeblowanie” at home.
18. You always take off your shoes as soon as you step into someone else’s house.
19. You celebrate your birthday AND your namesday, “imieniny”.
20. You were extremely surprised to learn that an American wedding lasts hours, not days.
21. Your grandmother insists that you wear kapcie in the summer.
22. You know Chopin was Polish, not French.
23. You were speaking Polish before any other language.
24. You never ate meat on Christmas Eve or Good Friday (or any Friday during the year).
25. At every party that you attend people tell dowcipy and there is a disscusion about politics.
26. You know how to “kombinowac”.
27. You or someone you know wears bursztyn.
28. Your grandmother has a picture framed of Pope John Paul II, right beside your school photo.
29. When your family considers mushroom picking as “having a good time”.
30. You know you’re Polish when you have paper towels in the house but they’re just for show, because everyone knows you’re supposed to use a Szmatka lub scierka.
31. You thought that your Uncle’s name was ‘Szwagier’ until you turned 12.
32. When you were sick as a child you were stuffed with czosnek until you felt like you were gonna vomit.
33. All your friends wished they were polish because of smingus dingus.
34. You were beaten at least once with a wooden spoon, belt, broom, or all of the above.
35. You couldn’t say a bad word, even “stupid”, around your mother without getting smacked.
36. You have at least one relative who plays the accordion.
37. If you fail a blood/ drug test because you’ve eaten so much poppy seed cake some time before it.
38. There is a book by Sienkiewicz (Quo Vadis) on display in your house.
39. You are surprised to find that the toilets in the pub/restaurant/shop are free of charge.
40. You have kielbasa hanging somewhere in your kitchen.