you know you wanted this

I booked myself in for a massage tomorrow with my physio lady cause my jaw and neck are all locked up from the dentist today and it makes you fill out a little questionnaire to better tell your PT what kind of treatment you need. except when I was filling it in I’d just taken a bunch of pain killers and words were hard but then I logged back in to make sure I’d actually booked it and

Reason for your visit?

What kind(s) of pain are you experiencing?

Special Requests

Just learned about garden path sentences.

They’re basically a literary prank– the sentence starts out in such a way that you think you know where it’s going, but the way it ends completely changes the meaning while still being a complete and logical sentence. Usually it deals with double meanings, or with words that can be multiple parts of speech, like nouns and verbs or nouns and adjectives.

So we get gems like

  • The old man the boat. (The old people are manning the boat)
  • The complex houses married and single soldiers and their families. (The apartment complex is home to both married and single soldiers, plus their families)
  • The prime number few. (People who are excellent are few in number.)
  • The cotton clothing is usually made of grows in Mississipi. (The cotton that clothing is made of)
  • The man who hunts ducks out on weekends. (As in he ducks out of his responsibilities)
  • We painted the wall with cracks. (The cracked wall is the one that was pained.)
occupations to consider:
  • stay-at-home cat mom who takes afternoon naps in the sun and reads a lot
  • a beekeeper in france that owns lavender fields and makes lavender honey
  • isolated writer with a fireplace and a big picture window overlooking snowy mountains
  • widow of a rich man who died of suspicious causes but still left everything to her, villas and vineyards and beach houses and all
  • mysterious village witch who is rarely ever seen, never seems to age, and is known for curses and helping women in need
  • crazed maenad following Dionysus to participate in rituals that may or may not include animalistic murder and orgies
  • remote but beautiful goddess who scorns all men that dare look upon her radiance and hangs out with a lot of nymphs

“they” is shorter than “he or she”

“they” is more inclusive than “he or she”

“they” flows more naturally than “he or she”

I don’t want to see “he or she” ever again

2

just a quick pouty, blushing, younger shiro tryna get lance’s (aka his hero) attention

matt: aww someone’s got it really bad
shiro:…*doesn’t even deny it*

from @punkshirogane’s wonderful reverse shance au!

5

This has been in my head for like a week. I like to think that Stan is ridiculously susceptible to genuine compliments, especially ones from his brother.

hey, you.

hey, yes, i’m talking to you. i know you’re probably scrolling right now but this post wont take too long to read.

i just wanted to give you a quick reminder that you’re beautiful. yes, i know what you’re thinking, wow what an idiot they cant even see me, but that isn’t the case.

regardless of your looks, how long your hair is, how white your teeth are, how skinny you are, how tall you are, the colour of your skin, how big your butt is, you are beautiful. because you’ve made it this far. you have gotten through every fucking day in this shitty universe, and you are here right now, looking at this post. you have survived heartbreak, sadness, loneliness, trauma, and just all the general ups and down of life, and you are alive right now to tell the tale of it. you’ve pushed on through everything.

sometimes it doesn’t seem like it’s worth it, like you’re worth it, but you are. one day, that’ll make sense. you’ll be sitting somewhere nice, watching something, maybe someone, and you’ll remember all of the things you had to get through, and it’ll all make sense. 

congratulate yourself on getting this far. it’s a big thing, yet you’ve done it. if you ever feel like you aren’t worth it, i want you to know that it’s all going to be okay. you impact so many people’s lives, and you are some people’s entire worlds. people love you, they look up to you, they admire you. don’t give anyone the ‘life would go on without me’ excuse, because you know it wouldn’t. no one recovers from that.

you, my friend, are beautiful. dont you dare ever forget it.

Have you seen me? A fear submitted by Chelsea to Deep Dark Fears - thanks!

My new book “The Creeps” is available now from your local bookstore, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository, iBooks, IndieBound, and wherever books are sold. You can find more information here.

Here, have a thing

Slytherin: Hey, Ravenclaw, you said you would help me out if I needed something, right?

Ravenclaw: Yeah, what’s up?

Slytherin: The password to my dormitory is something bigoted again, and I was hoping I could stay in your dormitory. Could I have the password?

Ravenclaw: Of course! Just knock on the knocker and answer the Eagle’s question.

Slytherin: Wait, I have to actually think of things to get in?

Ravenclaw: Yeah, what’s the problem?

Slytherin: Fuck it, I’m asking Gryffindor, they can’t possibly be asked to think.

funny tumnglr joke: bi culture is being into girls and then seeing a guy and remembering you’re unfortunately into guys too, haha!!

me: please stop trying to make me, a bisexual, feel as if part of my attraction is dirty and tainted, i already get that enough from straight people about the OTHER part of my attraction and it just makes me feel like i need to quash down parts of myself for anyone to ever accept me