you know what sales is, kid

chirrut + baze as yr chinese dads


  • wakes you up at 6am every day to train before school
  • pulls your ear when you’re being a shit. does the one finger shake in your face while he lectures you
  • knows every other dad at the dim sum restaurant, somehow, every time
    • remembers all their names and all their kids’ names and what they’re studying in school
  • your friends love him
  • tells your friends lots of embarrassing shit about you
  • never coddles you until you’re sick, then won’t leave you the hell alone
    • you swear he brews your herbal medicine more bitter + disgusting than it needs to be on purpose
  • will never give you allowance and indignantly asks what you even need money for every time you talk about it
  • bad presents. it’s always fucking socks or a screwdriver or something
  • stands and watches you doing homework
    • ETA: you can try to text on the dl. but he knows. he smacks the phone out of your hands.
  • interrogates all the partners you ever bring over (but waits until you’re out of the room to do it)
  • bad cop


  • good cop 
  • constantly talking shit in mandarin around non-mandarin speakers
  • secretly spoils ya when chirrut isn’t around
  • your friends are terrified of him
  • gets you + your friends to stand on his back when he does pushups
  • buys cheap stuff in bulk. ‘you don’t know when it’ll be on sale again’
  • interrogates all the partners you ever bring over (but you can tell exactly what he thinks of them because he’s staring you dead in the eyes while he does it) 
  • doesn’t care how well you’re doing in school except that you’re doing better than that next door kid whose parents he hates
  • incense burning all the time in the kitchen and bathroom
  • dumpling making machine. hand-minces the meat with a bigass cleaver
  • always trying new recipes from the cooking channel
  • PDA all the time. both you and chirrut are lowkey embarrassed but you’re used to it by now
  • ask him anytime for a piggyback ride and he’ll give it to ya
Boo! // Kim Taehyung


the prompt: When you have time, could I request a ghost!AU with Taehyung of BTS? Where you move into a new apartment but don’t know that it’s haunted. And ghost!Tae is so ready to scare you off by pulling some horrific haunting stunt, but wait, you’re actually really cute?? And nice?? Pretty soon, you discover his existence (which explains all the weird things that have happened), so he takes to teasing you from the shadows and making your life difficult and just generally being a loveable nuisance~ Humorous everyday scenarios between you two ensue… Possibly ending with a love confession from Tae?

words: 3474

category: fluff + comedy

author note: i researched poltergeists for this and it was really scary •_• also, i want ghost!taehyung to be my best friend. enjoy!

- destinee

Originally posted by suga-com

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anonymous asked:

Hey Gray! I love your blog :D I was wondering if you could do this request: RFA+Minor trio reacting to MC's and their own child being bullied in front of them (like maybe the bullies didn't see them RIGHT THERE) for being chubby but the daughter/son is like really chill and hits them with a 'I'm used to it it's ok' thank you :DD I'll request more now!! Good luck with your blog and excuse my english lolol

Hey now, you’re an all star I’m so sorry nobody is allowed to apologize for their English on this blog. You’re really good with it, so don’t worry at all! English is a bitch to learn, and if anyone judges you I will f i g h t. Also, no matter how many other blogs I’ve seen in the past, I still don’t know who makes up the minor trio. I’ve seen it mentioned a lot, and I always assumed it’s Jaehee, V, and Saeran. If it’s someone else, I’ll gladly write for them, too! (Dialogue of fat-shaming in Jaehee’s. Just a heads up!)


  • He had to pick up your kid from school one day because he got off from work early
  • Yoosung drove there just a little too early when he saw your child getting harassed by three other kids
  • oh no
  • nonononono
  • Instead of just driving up, he parked that damn car and walked up
  • Just far enough so they thought he was a highschooler  even if hes older hes still small you can fight me on this
  • Once he was in earshot, his only thought was how dare they
  • The things they were saying were downright disgusting to him
  • Yoosung walked right up and tapped one of them on the shoulder
  • “Hey there buddy boy, I’m going to ask, no, tell you to kindly leave and never speak to my child again”
  • Your kid just kinda bip bopped along with him after he turned to leave after the kids had given half-hearted apologies
  • “Hey, Dad?” “What? Do you want ice cream? We can go. If you want to talk, we can do that, too” “I just wanted to say that you didn’t need to do that. What they said is pretty normal for me”
  • oh hell no
  • Yoosung just nodded slightly “But it doesn’t have to be” “It’s just like that, but can we still get ice cream?” “Yep! Just don’t tell, MC!” “Will you promise not to tell them about my school either? I don’t want them worried, since you seem to be”
  • So they went out to a small shop that wasn’t too far away from your home and talked about animals
  • Then once they got home, you could see him looking concerned at your child when the put their bag from school up
  • He went to his office and typed out an email
  • Turns out, he got the three kids suspended
  • PTA Dad Yoosung won’t stand for that shit
  • Didn’t tell MC because he promised


  • You can’t tell me he’s not a PTA dad either
  • Sure, practice sometimes doesn’t allow him to go to every meeting
  • But you know he’s ready to fight Nancy at the bake sale because what were those brownies, Jesus, Nancy
  • aNYWAYS, you both had to go to one of those lame ass schools fairs
  • you couldn’t say no to your kid because those puppy eyes reminded you of Zen’s
  • You were waiting in line for food while Zen was buying tickets for things and you let your child go off with their friends
  • Then the yelling started dAMMIT, ZEN
  • “How dare you talk to my child like that?” “Well, um, sir-” “No, I’m not hearing it from you, young man” “I want to say-” “Not you either, young lady!”
  • Zen walked back with your kid in tow and he was fuming
  • “MC! Can we leave? There’s much better food at the restaurant we passed” “Only if you tell me what happened, because it looks like our daughter is perfectly fine” “No, she is nOT. They were making fun of her weight! How dare they insult our princess” “Zen, You sound like a script right now, calm down”
  • Your child just mumbled, “Well, that’s what happened during school anyways”
  • Turning around so quickly that you got bitch-slapped by his hair, he looked at your kid
  • He was n o t having this shit
  • “Who cares if you’ve got squish? There’s just more to love! Those kids are douchebags” “Zen-” “As long as you’re comfortable with you, there’s no issue. If you feel bad because of that snotbag, I will find out who his mom is and raise hell” “Zen-” “That one girl looked like her mom runs a drug cartel. I should know, too, because her mom is probably Bethany” “Hyun!”
  • He turned back towards you flashing a slightly awkward smile
  • “MC, that boy was a beast
  • “Not this again” Well, damn, if your kid is sick of it, he probably should be, too
  • You ended up leaving after your kid was done with his shit wanted to leave
  • He may or may not have raised a little hell on the board
  • Gave a two minute monologue on bullying at the monthly meeting

Jaehee: (Good end and after end spoilers)

  • Your son liked to hang around the café after school was done with a few friends
  • He came in one day with several people, a few being ones you recognized
  • You were taking orders and Jaehee was wiping down tables along with picking up dishes
  • cue dramatic plate falling when she overheard their conversation
  • “Maybe your clothes wouldn’t be so big if your  parents didn’t bake so much for you” “He’s right. All those pastries can’t be that great. Especially with how little you do in PE” “Maybe stop eating all of your lun-”
  • “Excuse me, but who are you, ma’am?” “Just a friend of this kid” “Get out of this café” “Who are you? Where’s the manager?”
  • “Mom, it’s fi-” “I’m Mrs. Kang, the owner of this establishment, and the disgusting comments you are making are towards my son. Leave
  • The girl turned bright red and moved to gather her things
  • Jaehee’s badass arm stopped her from properly getting up
  • “I thought it was heavily implied that you were to apologize”
  • She was downright glaring at this kid
  • You paused when nobody else was at the counter and turned your attention to what was going down
  • This look wasn’t even reserved for customers who threw orders at her
  • Once the girl left after having to repeat her apology several times, all the others followed, trying not to maintain eye contact with Jaehee
  • She slid in the booth across from your son and had a lengthy discussion about what was wrong for people to say
  • Jaehee had had enough in her life getting treated awfully, so your kid wasn’t allowed to have any of that
  • That night, you had to talk her out of fighting that kid
  • “Jaehee, that’s assault” “MC, it’s justice


  • He was dicking around with the security system at your kid’s school
  • It’s not stalking if its not obsessive
  • The system’s visual aspect may not be strong, but the audio was pretty okay
  • Seven just wanted to hear what your child was doing after the bell had rung (I had to look up if it was rung or rang just now)
  • As soon as he heard what a person was saying that was most definitely not your child, he was ready to f i g h t
  • Your kid came back from school that day and went to greet him
  • He may or may not have turned around in an office chair dramactically
  • “So who’s Jun Ho? He sounds like a real biiiii-I mean, jerkwad” “How do you know who he is? He’s in one of my classes.” “Some teacher emailed me saying he was being rude to you. Making remarks on your appearance or something” “Oh, yeah, he does that a lot. It stopped bugging me awhile ago”
  • Red Alert: How About No?
  • “He shouldn’t be saying things like that in the first place. Why do you even talk to him?” “Jun Ho gives me food” “As much as I love food, you should never be degraded to get it” “But it’s soda, and I can’t take that to school” “You won’t get in trouble if no one finds out. That’s besides the point. Can you please drop that douuu-um, that trashcan? You don’t deserve to be told anything that’s negative about yourself that isn’t constructive”
  • Your kid just tried to assure him that It’s Fine, Dad but it most definitely Was Not
  • So then he went into every social media account he could find of Jun Ho’s and left some lovely messages and photos for the kid to find later


  • you know this motherfucker sent your kid to a private school
  • He didn’t realize that not every person would be magically nice to eachother
  • Just let him believe
  • Jumin was content with that for awhile until The Incident
  • Your son was walking back into your home as he was video chatting people at a party
  • For some reason, their conversation dropped off to what sports people were playing and some dumbass in the background made a rude remark to your kid
  • Jumin walked over and took the phone from your son’s hand and got the attention of the teenagers
  • holy shit, that was the dude that their parents made those important business deals with
  • that suit is probably worth more than all my organs
  • damn, he looks like he’s about ready to fail all of us in a class
  • Please refrain from ever contacting this phone ever again. Your words are unappreciated by myself”
  • Your son was desperately trying to mute him repeating that it was all okay
  • Jumin was still drilling these kids
  • “Furthermore, it is not any of your business to inquire about an individual’s health whatsoever. I will have you make good note that everything in this household is meticulously organized, so no, you’re not ‘concerned for his health’ or any other excuse that is as incompetent as yourselves. Have a good evening”
  • Sassy Jumin snapping that hang up button
  • Then he held out the phone to your son that took it nervously
  • “You’re never to speak to them again” “Dad, I-” “No, it is absolutely not fine. You will not be told that just because you’re not of the bare minimum weight, that you are any less of a human being. You are to be respected. If you are to speak to any of your classmates, please inform them that all business deals with their families will end soon.”
  • He most definitely called all of their parents that evening to tell them of these changes
  • Blocked every number he could
  • Also made sure that any future advertisements that were made by any department were to be inclusive of plus-size models


  • There was a new museum and he was invited to attend it’s opening with his family
  • No way this Cotton Candy Man could say no when your daughter got excited at the mention of an artist she loved that was to have an exhibit showcased
  • Everyone had gotten dressed up for the occasion, including V in a snazzy I’m so sorry that I use that word suit, yourself in comfortable formal wear, and your daughter wearing a tighter blouse with a skirt
  • What she wore didn’t bug you or Jihyun, whatever made her the most loving to herself was fine by you
  • The three of you had walked in and were walking around to greet other guests and enjoy hors d'oeuvres
  • Your daughter walked off to admire the paintings until who you recognized as one of her fellow students walked up to her
  • There was no use in eavesdropping so you continued to walk as V walked into the room of the pieces
  • He honestly didn’t notice them until he could hear your child’s voice
  • Then he noticed what the other party was saying
  • Calm Dad walked over to them and apologized for his interruption in the conversation to tell off the student for what they were saying about your daughter’s outfit
  • “Hey, Dad, Mi Na wasn’t bothering me” “Then she was bothering me. Mi Na, please refrain from speaking negatively about my daughter’s appearance in the future. I assure you that whatever clothing she wishes to wear will not effect you”
  • You looked over to see the “Bitch, you ain’t shit” smile on his face and got interested to see what was going on
  • He explained to you the situation then spoke to your daughter again with a short lecture on Why She Was Perfect and Why People Suck
  • Got the girl kicked out from the museum afterwards
  • To make it up, even though “It was fINE, DAD,” V was able to get artwork from the artist your daughter was so excited to see


  • this one’s going to do with an ice cream parlor I’m sorry
  • He agreed to go on a family outing as long as the crowds weren’t too big
  • Hey, if you made it this far, don’t mess it up
  • To his favorite ice cream parlor first!
  • None of you cared if it was eleven am
  • It was always time for ice cream
  • While you three were waiting in line, your child noticed that the person scooping was the dickbag of an upperclassman that had been harassing them for a couple of weeks
  • Saeran noticed how they acted and offered to get a table with them so that it would fit into conversation easily
  • They nodded and went with them so that he could ask what happened
  • Your kid told him that the boy at the counter was giving him shit for his weight and that “It’s perfectly fine”
  • Then Saeran was p i s s e d
  • He assured them that they were perfectly fine as long as they liked themselves
  • Saeran then offered for them to go back in the line where you were ordering your food
  • Your child was slightly anxious as to what he’d do to the worker
  • He glared at that upperclassman so strongly that you thought he had killed Saeran’s joy in life
  • Considering how much Saeran loved his new family, he pretty much did, so the kid deserved to be scared for half a minute
  • He then smiled at you when you handed a cone to him and you sat down with the three of you eating happily
  • Saeran noticed the glances he was getting but didn’t mind them
  • He glared at the kid again for good measure when he held open the door

I’m sorry that this took me so long! Also, no offense if your name is Nancy or Bethany. They’re just my go to PTA Mom names. I’m going to try to get at least two requests up each day. I hope that this was to your satisfaction, but I’ll happily fix anything if you see fit. Much love to you all!

(Zimbits, slight AU, 2.8K, under a cut because it got long.)

They asked him every year. Sometimes, even more than once a year if he wanted to be on Samwell’s promotional material.

Jack said no every time because he really didn’t have any interest in having his face plastered on billboards and on every brochure and course calendar they handed out to students, both prospective and current. He’d had enough secondhand publicity from his parents’ careers and he wasn’t going to go seeking it out while he was at Samwell.

The only allowance he made was when he was photographed with the rest of the hockey team because he understood that hockey was a big selling point when it came to convincing people to attend their school. One of the team photos was enlarged and put up in the sports complex, right between the women’s volleyball team and Samwell’s dance team. It had already gotten vandalized this year by some drunk LAX bros and had to be replaced (which the university was not happy about and last Jack heard, the bros responsible were on suspension from the team).

The university couldn’t get Jack, but they got Ransom and Holster to agree to photos other than the team one. There were some of them pretending to study in the library, or looking happy and not-stressed as they socialized. These ended up on the cover of last year’s Campus Life magazine and both Holster and Ransom both joked that they were wasting their time at school when they should be modelling instead. It still didn’t stop the recruitment team from continually asking Jack who refused to change his mind.

Little did he know it was about to be changed for him.

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“I wasn’t ruining myself anymore. I was just a kid again, the way I was supposed to be. In that way, Gianni is probably the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“God, I pity your future spouse. Constantly living in the shadow of the Amazing Gianni.”
“What, you jealous?”
“Of what? Your status as the president of the Gianni Fan Club?”
“You know, I was considering letting you join as secretary, but maybe I won’t. Too bad, because we have some kickass bake sales.”

OK so Breakfast looks small but it’s very filling. Eating ½ cup of almonds in the morning is no easy task. I usually eat macadamia nuts, but almonds are way cheaper and easier to buy in bulk. They can be raw or dry roasted, salted or not salted, it doesn’t make too much of a difference.

Eggs are always cheap - and filling.

I included a couple of options for lunch depending on what’s on sale. Be smart with the lunch meat choice. When in doubt, always chose smoked… honey has sugar. You can also go for more quality deli lunch meat depending on budget. Tuna is the same - get what you can, or opt for higher quality.

For dinner there are a lot of choices depending on what is on sale. As far as the butter is concerned, I know many tell you to only go for the Organic/Grass Fed/Kerry Gold stuff, but you could also get organic store brand butter, or… you know, just BUTTER! The same can be said about salad dressings - sometimes the only thing I have in the house is the kids’ basic Hidden Valley Ranch. 2tbsp of dressing is not going to kill you… just make sure you’re reading labels, checking carbs, and not buying anything that says “lite” or “fat free” and you’ll be fine.

DIY ELECTROLYTE DRINK: Don’t waste $$$ on sports drinks!

You’ll Need…

¼ tsp Morton Lite Salt

1-2 tbsp Lemon Juice

½ Packet of Sugar-Free Sweetener

16-20 oz Water

anonymous asked:

DRUNK OBI AND SUZU DISCUSSION :3 (MODERN AU) PLEASEEE (and thank u so much u rock)

Obi’s just finished laying out their blanket, weighing down the corners with the biggest stones he can find – he suspects that these are really just smoothed out chunks of concrete, probably from when they jackhammered out the original path to put in more eco-friendly boardwalks – when Shidan’s undergrad whips open the cooler and shows just what sort of liquid refreshment he thinks is appropriate for a turtle watch.

Obi goggles. “Is that all beer?”

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The Versatile Scarf

Author: C. Ford

Characters: Sherlock x Reader

A/N: A one-shot for those people (like me) who can’t get enough of a certain high cheek-boned detective’s scarf.

(Credits to the owner of the pic.)

Summary: Sherlock Holmes being his usual indecent self while clothes shopping.

Themes: Fluffy. A wee bit suggestive.

Word Count: 500+

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anonymous asked:

Any advice for parents wanting to home school? I'm scared people are going to advise me of being a brain washing cultist.

I’ve been SOOO excited to answer this ask because I have so many good things to say about homeschooling! Actually, if I’m honest, I have absolutely nothing bad I can possibly think of. I was homeschooled all the way through 12th grade and there is nothing I would change. I will ALWAYS be grateful to my parents for devoting themselves to me in that way, and especially my mom for sticking with it - from the rocky years of highschool, to back when I was an elementary brat. Looking back, we agree it was worth any struggles tenfold.

The first thing you need to know is this: you will be ridiculed. At some point, somewhere, someone is going to criticize you. Whether it be your teaching, your abilities, your discipline, or your morals, the world is going to try and push you down. Therefore, you need to be confident, you need to know your motivation as to why you are doing this, and know that, as the parent, only you know what is best for your child.

A good way to kindly explain that to someone is to know the benefits of homeschooling. And the list is long!

— Homeschooling gives you the freedom to specifically tailor the curriculum to your child’s needs. Whether going slower or faster, you can go at a pace that is comfortable to you and your child. For example, division was a nightmare for me as a child, but I was reading at a 12th grade level by early grade school. Therefore my algebra was slow moving and required a lot of repetition, but I blew through English.

— Homeschool students as a whole score significantly higher on standardized testing, with the low range being 15-30% improvement, and typically score above the average collage admission test. All of this is regardless of the education level of the parents and any degree of formal they may have. You don’t need to be a certified teacher or have lofty degrees to teach your children effectively.

— Building off both the other points, I would argue that homeschooling leaves you over prepared for college. I briefly mentioned math is not my strongest suit. I thought, in going to college, that I would be behind, but I actually placed significantly higher than I thought I would. Socially, homeschoolers are generally more prepared as well, for as where public schoolers function primarily with their same age group, homeschoolers tend to be more accustomed to a variety of ages - from toddlers to senior citizens - and that can allow one to adapt well into different class, work, and social settings.

— For those with illnesses, physical or mental limitations, homeschooling’ flexibility is a definite asset, as it allows you to modify your schedule as needed, even on a day-by-day basis, and you don’t have the stress and pressure of missing school days - you can do the work when it is convenient for you.

— Homeschooling encourages enjoyable learning and self-motivation. I going to the aquarium and watching the school kids have to breeze through it in two or three hours. But for us homeschoolers, we could spend all day there, and we did! Why? Because I found it fascinating! I would read every brochure on the tropical fish, ask questions of the staff as I pet sharks and sting rays. Homeschooling doesn’t limit learning, it encourages exploration and deep thinking. You don’t have to rush through.

— Homeschooling encourages family bonding. Most the time, we all did school in the same room, either at the kitchen counter or consuming the kitchen table in books and papers. We would take a break from math and mom would read to us everything from history to science to fiction. Reading was a huge part of my homeschool life, and even now that I’ve long since graduated, my family still likes to read aloud together.

— It saves time. Where my public school friends were in school for eight hours a day and then spent several hours on homework, I got my school done in an average of four hours max. I would be done by noon, and the out climbing trees with my brother for the rest of the day. Learn about the world and then go live in it! I would have missed out on so much if I hadn’t been homeschooled.

— This next point is very important when you’re talking about “brain washing”. Public schools are growing increasingly more aggressive toward adverse opinions, any mention of God, and in many cases are implementing revisionist history. Not even biology is taught correctly anymore with this distorted view of sexuality. Homeschooling allows multiple view points to be explored and allows for deep research into why such a point is incorrect, what actually happened historically, ect. Public schools expect things to be taken at face value too much of the time. Homeschooling promotes critical thinking and exploration. You don’t just slam the door on counter views, you talk about them and discuss it. Additionally, homeschooling is not just for the religious. There are many people, including atheists, that homeschool simply because they recognize the benefits to their lifestyle and, most importantly, their child.

— Homeschooling protects your child. We have all heard people talk about how “sheltered” homeschoolers are. The only thing I was ever sheltered from was bullying, profanity, sexual jokes and harassment, violence, and peer pressure. I had many social circles and events (the joke among homeschoolers is often that they’re never home), but it was always in a positive environment. I would have been so much more insecure if I had had to face the things all my public school friends did, but instead I grew up knowing I could be confident in who I was. On the same note, it is important to make sure your child has a healthy amount of social interaction. Awana, youth group, various clubs, sports, are just a few ways you can make sure your child is active.

— Homeschooling saves money. Both within your home, and in regard to tax dollars spent toward public schools. There are great monetary and economical benefits to homeschooling.

— Public schools are a fairly modern development. For thousands of years the bulk of one’s early learning was done at home or in a relatively small school where you still received that one-on-one instruction - very similar to homeschooling. The norm was not 30-40 kids with one teacher. It wasn’t the massed produced learning you see today.

Now a few more things before we go…

There is a HUGE array of curriculum out there, you can pick and choose from a virtually endless myriad of resources. Find what works for your child. Know that often what works for child #1 does not work for child #2. I went through three math books until I found what really worked for me. Don’t be afraid to try different things. (And also look for homeschool book sales to buy at! You can save lots by buying used)

FIND A SUPPORT GROUP. This is HUGE for you as a parent because when challenges arise, and I PROMISE you they will, you are going to want someplace to look for solid advice. A network of good friends, co-ops, homeschool church groups, homeschool academies - whatever it is, find a group of homeschoolers near you where you can ask questions, present your challenges, and get positive feedback. More so than that though, you need encouragement. The best people to give that to you are people who have been in the same spot.

Know your legal rights as a homeschooler. I would highly advice checking out the Homeschool Legal Defense Association (HSLDA). They have fantastic resources on a general basis, but it is really important to know your rights as a homeschooling parent. At the very minimum, check out the state requirements and know what you’re obligated to do. When I was homeschooled, I didn’t need to take hardly any standardized tests, but there were a lot of people saying I needed to. So even small things like that are really important to know (it saved me a lot of anxiety).

Homeschooling isn’t always easy, but I promise you that the rewards far outweigh the cost. It is worth every moment. There are few ways better than this to show your child just how very much you love them.

Last thing! I came across this nifty page with all sorts of facts and statistics on homeschooling that is an easy and enlightening read [x] and a quick shout out to my many friends that brainstormed with me on this (readers, I hope you know you’re getting the best advice out there thanks to them! ^^ )

  • Jack: *approaches kindergarten dealer kid*
  • Jack: Okay what can i buy in kindergarten?
  • *Choices appear*
  • Jack: I fucking knew cigarettes would be for sale!!! Screwdriver... voice recorder... I don't know what i need yet.
  • Me: You are supposedly like 3 years old... Preety sure you don't need any of that.
Helpful Shopping Advice for Customers Updated Edition
  • Unpack your shopping basket
  • Don’t talk about religion, peoples sexual preference or politics
  • Don’t tell racist or sexist jokes
  • Wash your re-useable bags regularly
  • If you can’t fit a box of cereal in your “re-useable” bags dont bring them to the supermarket, theyre too small
  • Don’t yell at the staff
  • Don’t throw a tantrum like a 5 year old when you dont get your way
  • Don’t try to get someone fired because you didn’t get your way
  • If you dont want an item dont just stuff it anywhere, ESPECIALLY REFRIGERATED ITEMS either put it back or give it to the staff
  • Don’t eat or open anything unless you’ve paid for it
  • Don’t let your kids eat or open anything unless you’ve paid for it
  • Don’t let your kids climb the shelves or displays
  • Get off your fucking phone when the cashier is trying to serve you
  • Listen to what the staff are saying to you - like when to swipe your card, what the sale applies to ect.
  • READ the product ticket and sale signs, They tell you everything you need to know. Yes they can be confusing sometimes, ask the staff if you need help. Don’t throw a hissy fit at the register because you read the sign wrong.
  • Saying please and thank you won’t go astray. Manners are free. If you’re polite staff are 203% more likely to want to help you and go out of their way for you
  • Don’t expect the staff to read your mind, tell them what you want/need
  • If you’re having a bad day don’t take it out on the staff, if you’re in that much of a shitty mood do everyone a favour and stay home.
  • Standard plastic bags stores use to pack your items are not designed to be reused, don’t bring them back in to be used. If you want re-useable bags buy them.
  • Shopping trolleys and baskets are not rubbish bins
  • Shelves are not rubbish bins
  • Change rooms are not toilets
  • If an item doesnt scan it’s not free. Don’t make that joke. please.
  • Staff make mistakes, they are human
  • Show your ID when requested, don’t make a huge deal out of it. It’s the law and store policy, if you want service it’s required.
  • If you want to return an item BRING BOTH THE ITEM AND THE RECIEPT, most stores require a reciept for a return and they certainly aren’t going to give you a refund if you didn’t bring the item with you.
  • Don’t make an ass of yourself when they won’t refund an item due to policy or having no reciept.
  • Staff will get fired for not adhearing to policy, their job is more important than breaking the rules for you. If you have a genuine issue with the policy speak to the manager.
  • Don’t be an asshole.
  • Don’t go shopping if you’re sick, not only can you make other customers sick but you can make the staff sick. Many staff can not afford to have the time off work if they get sick, have consideration for how your actions affect others.
  • DO NOT LICK YOUR FINGERS before handing the cashier money or cards, not only is this disgusting its increadibly unhygienic.
  • Do not go to a store and expect the staff to be your personal shoppers for 20+ minutes, they have other work they need to do before the end of their shift and most can’t spend that much time with just one customer. HOWEVER if you have a disability and need genuine assistance doing your shopping and are unable to have a carer or family/ friend help you, call the store ahead of time as some stores can make arrangements to have a staff member assist you for a period of time.
  • Do not eat fruit or vegetables before you have paid for them. Almost all produce items are sold by weight and so alters the price. While the price may only be different by a few cents, but having many customers do it can put the sales out buy hundereds of dollars meaning the store will cut hours and a staff member will lose their shifts. It is very unhygeinic for the cashier to be handling a half eaten fruit, and this is also considered stealing, do you really want to be arrested over 35 cents?
  • Children under the age of 9 should be supervised at all times! I cannot tell you how many times we’ve caught unsupervised childeren wandering around the store, climbing shelves, eating the lollies and playing with the toys (in general destroying merchandise). If the child were to wander out of the store, be abducted or injure themselves you would be the first to complain. It is not the staff’s job to watch them, it is your responsibility and quite frankly bad parenting.
  • The staff are NOT babysitters, DO NOT leave your children with them.
  • Registers, counters and dining tables are NOT change tables, if your child needs a nappy/diaper change do it in the restrooms, also dispose of the nappy/diaper in the appropriate bin, don’t leave it around the store for staff to clean up.
  • Please don’t start to unpack your groceries while the customer ahead of you stil hasn’t finished unpacking theirs
  • USE THE DIVIDERS! Dividers are there so the cashier can distinguish between your purchase and another customers purchase, by not using one all you are doing is causing confusion and slowing things down.
  • Don’t leave the checkout before the cashier has finished counting your money or your card transaction has been approved. If something has gone wrong with the payment (i.e card declined or money given was short) not only will the cashier get in trouble but if you can’t be found you could be charged with theft.
  • If you’re planning on doing your shopping late in the day it is a good idea to call the store ahead of time to see what time they close DONT come to a store within 10 minutes of closing time. Just dont.
  • When it is announced that the store is closing within X minutes it means you have X minutes to have paid for your shopping and left the store, NOT that you have X minutes to keep shopping and then meander down to the checkout when you feel ready. I can’t speak for all stores but at mine i don’t get paid past closing time and if you think i am hanging around and working for free you are sorely mistaken.
  • If the store needs to be evacuated for whatever reason, do what you are told and leave the store.
  • Don’t be an asshole. (This is here twice because i cannot stress this point enough)
the signs as white suburban moms
  • aries: "fight me helen, i know my son is better at soccer than yours"
  • taurus: "why didn't my dessert sell the most at my daughter's 5th-grade bake sale? i'm suing the school"
  • gemini: "what is twerking? i want to know what that is. i'll try it to impress my teenage kids"
  • cancer: "family bonding time! we're going to disney land and i got us all matching neon green t-shirts! we'll take a picture at every ride! so much fun!"
  • leo: *wears the current teenager fashion* "i'm with it, i'm hip, i'm the cool mom"
  • virgo: "connor, clean your room or you get no tv for a week. i swear to god this household is a mess"
  • libra: "how was school today, meaghan? yolo swag, am i right? you're the chillest daughter ever. blaze the 420, lol"
  • scorpio: "gretchen, hold my purse while i fight this bitch"
  • sagittarius: "kids, don't do so much homework. here, play video games and sneak out instead! want some of my vodka?"
  • capricorn: "i'd like to speak to your manager"
  • aquarius: "does anyone want to join my book club? we can read the sisterhood of the traveling pants"
  • pisces: *watches soap operas and goes on facebook too much*

Okay, I know everyone’s coming up with ideas for PTA characters for the PTA Sans thing, but here’s one I haven’t seen yet: What if one of the moms on the PTA was a Muslim?  Let’s call her Maryam.  Linda would probably be like “Honey, do you have to wear that scarf thingie on your head?  It makes me uncomfortable.”  And Maryam can feel everybody silently judging her every time radical terrorists do something.  When Linda’s like “We should have the kids do Christmas crafts in class again,” Maryam has to be the one that’s like “Not everybody celebrates Christmas, you know.”  When Maryam tries to bring some sweets she grew up with to the bake sale, like baklava or qatayef, the other parents judge her ‘cause it’s not a “traditional” dessert like brownies or lemon squares. And Sans would totally stick up for her because, in a way, the monsters in the Underground judged the whole human race because of the actions of a few of them, and that was a total disaster.  So, when he sees the same thing being done to Maryam, he just flips his lid.

So I take my buddies to the comic shop whee they sell D&D books at cost (20% off) so I got a new pathfinder book, some comics, and dice. My kid got himself some magic cards. Buddy 1 got a 5e players handbook, dice, and comics.

Buddy 2. My dude, let me tell you.

Buddy 2 gets all the non-adventure pathfinder books he doesn’t have. All of them. The he goes, “Ya know what, we’re having fun with 5e, I could see us sticking with it a while.” And gets PHB, DMG, MM, and Volos. Tops it off with a set of dice.

We get to the register and there’s a bin of dice for sale. It’s supposed to be open, and something like $0.75 each or some such. It’s still wrapped in shipping plastic and marked $75. Owner of the shop is all “Yea, I always wanted one for new people to borrow from on game nights, so I thought I’d mark the entire thing one price.“ He looks at buddy 2 with his stack of already at cost books. “I’ll give it to you at cost if you get it out of my store. $55.”

Guess what goes on the stack of books? If you guessed a bin of dice, you are correct.

$510. on D&D. the only thing not at cost was a set of 7 dice. Plus he got a free box because no plastic shopping bag made by man will carry all those books.

But I’m not done telling this tale! Because then? Chipotle.

Buddy 1s bank calls him to make sure he’s out of town buying weird books. Buddy 2 begins ranting about how his bank should have called him faster, but he never got the call at all.

We all shrug and buddy 1 places his order. Everything is fine.

I place my order for 2 identical bowls (gotta feed the wife at home too) and despite some confused looks, reality is still holding together.

Buddy 2, still causing us all to laugh about his purchase, places his order. “It’s going to be double everything, you’ll need two shells.” He warns. They bring in the new girl for “training” and also to laugh at her first attempt at a double. She earns a gold star, did excellent.

Get to the register, buddy 1 has paid. I’m paying. Cashier hands me food and a receipt, sees double wrapped food, looks to buddy 2. “Hey a Goku vs. One Punch Man shirt! you wore the right shirt today!” and never tells buddy 2 his total, just signs the receipt and puts it in the till. “Everyone have a nice night!” he says, as we grab forks and go for the door.

Buddy 2 is still confused, and trying to thank me for buying him food. I explain I got my card back before he was cashed out. Buddy 1 agrees with my observation. “$500 in books and free burrito? okay” Buddy 2 says.

And that is the most surreal thing to happen to me in a while.

Fox’s Carnival

A little fox!Hux fluff for @letmeputitinyourbutt !

Hux has had enough exposure to humans that he can pass himself off as one–albeit a slightly odd one–pretty damn convincingly. Thanks to the things he’s observed, and a prolonged time spent living with Ren, he’s not surprised by things like cars or soda or cell phones. He always wears clothes in his human form, and actually rather likes big comfy sweaters, and has even come to enjoy tailored things because he understands this is a way of showing off for Ren–and Hux is, above all else, a little show-off. 

But some things, a fox just can’t resist being, well….foxish about.

“Hey. Heyyy.” Ren waves his hand in front of Hux’s eyes, trying to break his concentration. They’re at a local carnival, just a little one set up at the city fairgrounds. It’s mostly stuff for kids, a moonbounce and a game where you grab rubber ducks and claim a prize. There’s mini-golf and horseshoes and a bunch of local vendors selling beaded jewelry and T-shirts and sandwiches and lemonade. For a $1 donation to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, attendees can attempt to dunk the local weatherman into a pool of water by hitting a target. 

And there is a little petting zoo, which is causing Hux to go into a sort of hypnotic trance of desire. It’s the chickens, Ren decides, or maybe the lambs. “Hey. Look at me.”

Hux blinks so hard and fast that it’s like he’s got sand in both eyes. Turns to look at Ren.

“None of that here.”

“They’re just, uh! They’re just there!” Hux was standing with both hands gripping the little fence, white-knuckled, but now he’s relaxing slightly. “They’re just right there!”

“How about I buy you a chicken sandwich? And you can go hunt for a rubber duck, too.”

Hux moves away from the fence to lean into Ren. “They’re distracting me. Maybe that’s a good idea.”

They walk around the enclosure where all the pigs and chickens and goats are being manhandled by first graders. As they walk past the chickens, they fluff up and squawk and run away, catching Hux’s scent, and the parents blame their children for being too rowdy, and both Ren and Hux laugh.

“Two chicken sandwiches, please,” Ren tells the young woman selling them at the food tent. Hux has been sufficiently distracted from the fresh, live chickens with the promise of a cooked one so close at hand. Ren can nearly see him drool.

“No bun on mine,” Hux cuts in.

The woman looks a little confused.

“He can’t do gluten,” Ren says quickly.

Their sandwiches, one sans bun, are handed over, and as usual, Hux nearly melts his mouth off trying to eat it before it cools. The way his tongue is hanging out as he pants over the too-hot bite is particularly foxlike. 

“How many times have I told you not to do that?” Ren teases.

“A lot. Smells so good though.” Hux nuzzles him. “Like you.”

“Are you calling me a chicken?”

Hux laughs. “You know what I mean.”

Foxes are the least picky sort of eaters there are, Ren has learned, and Hux wants to try everything that’s for sale. “You throw up later, it’s not my fault,” Ren pretends to scold, but it’s really worth the joy of seeing Hux lick up cotton candy with the delight of a little kid. He is similarly impressed by candied bacon and caramel apples, but the jalepeno poppers are too strong for him and he opens his mouth and lets the fried cheesy blob fall out, wincing. Ren helps himself to the remainder and then kisses Hux’s sticky-sweet cheeks.

As promised, he takes Hux to get a rubber duck prize. The number on the bottom of the duck Hux finally settles on correlates to a dud prize–a palm-sized Beanie Baby bear. Hux has no clue what he’s supposed to do with it.
“Gnaw on it when we get home,” Ren suggests as they walk away, down to the hill where they can watch fairgoers at the dunk tank. “Bury it. It’s like, reusable prey.”

“Hmm.” Hux is intrigued by that notion. 

“Or I can hide it when we got home and you find it.”


“Yeah, why not. Or like, fetch.” He’s not sure if that idea is condescending–he’s not a dog–but Hux smiles anyway and turns the bear over in his hand, like he might throw it for himself to catch at any moment.

When the sun sets, the carnival volunteers set up a big screen at the bottom of the hill so everyone can watch ET under the stars. For the first hour of the movie, Hux is transfixed, but spending hours and hours in his human form makes him antsy, and he starts to shift and look around anxiously.

“Do you want to–?”

“I’ll just walk over to the bathrooms, by the treeline.”

“Okay. Leave those chickens alone.”

He needn’t have worried; the animals have already been packed up and returned to their home farm. Ren watches the movie on his own for about ten minutes when the kids nearby start looking away from the screen and pointing at something.

“A fox! A little fox!”

Ren looks too, and there, a safe distance away, is the faintest glimmer of red fur reflecting the light of the movie. The fox runs, tosses something with a flick of its head, then hops, air-light, once, twice. Grabs it again and tosses it again.

“Mommy, the fox has a toy!”

The mother laughs.

“Maybe it stole it from the carnival, sneaky thing.”

Ren bites his tongue so he does not tell the woman that the fox won it fair and square, paid its 25 cents to draw the duck, and lays back on the blanket instead, waiting for Hux to return, to curl up in his lap, content, ready to be mesmerized by the film once again.

For the PTA Undertale AU

PTA Muffet (AKA Spidermom)

  • Brings in her own baked goods because no one wants any of Helen’s gluten-free ‘goods’. ‘ * What did I do to the lemon squares? Why I just gave the hockey team new pucks Ahuhuhu, why do you ask?”
  • Slams on Linda (Like any good guardian to Frisk) “ *You know Linda you should really take that mask off, it’s scaring everyone.”
  • Loves to infuriate the unholy trinity with sans or the hell of it 
  • If any kids tease Frisk..well let’s just say “ *Ahuhuhu! It’s lunch time, and I forgot to feed my pet~”
  • The kids love Muffet, even though the parents bitch about her scaring children because she’s a spider. “ *Oh no, they aren’t afraid of me. However they should be quite afraid of what you look like without make up on, Dianasaur Ahuhuhu~!” *sans gives thumbs up*
  • Bakes for the bake sale (obviously) and to the parents to complain she has a comeback. “ * ‘Why is the croissant so rubbery?’ You ask? Well…it’s because fake bitches like you can’t digest real food.”
  • Caters for field trips along with Grillby.
  • Lets children dance along with her and the spiders. 
  • Only lets Frisk swing on her arms like monkey bars because she trust the cinnamon roll baby, to the PTA mothers’ dismay. “ * Remember Frisk, if you want off tell me okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”
  • Overprotective Spidermom 
  • Sometimes lets children play with her pet…after she fed it…

Dear Disney,

For your next major film, would you please focus on Roger Radcliffe and Anita and how they fell in love?  I know absolutely nothing that happened between falling in the pond and walking into the church, and, quite frankly, this saddens me.

I have listed below a pros and cons list of doing a movie like this:


  • Every single person who grew up watching 101 Dalmatians will go see it.  That’s a lot of people.  That’s a lot of profit.
  • Those two are probably the biggest and most wonderful dorks the company has ever created.  Wouldn’t it be lovely to revisit them?
  • More Cruella backstory.  Who doesn’t love to write and animate a villain backstory?  My word, you people love that crap right now.
  • Dogs.
  • You’re super into revisiting old movies, what with the revisit to Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and the upcoming Beauty and the Beast.  This could just be another link in that celebration of Disney works phase the company seems to be going through.
  • People pay good money for nostalgia.  Again, think of the profit.
  • This could mean a return to 2D animation, which seriously needs to happen.
  • It would be the most beautiful love story ever written.  Ever.
  • Dogs.  Everyone loves dogs.
  • I will single-handedly earn back production cost by going to see it in theaters.  Seriously.  I went to see How to Train Your Dragon 2 over fifty times.  Don’t doubt me on this one.
  • Seriously.  I wanted this for my entire life.
  • Half of your profit will come directly from me.  That is a promise.
  • Anita is a delightful being of adorableness and sass, and Roger is the biggest dork on the block.  They’re perfect.
  • Also, dogs.
  • Consider the cost of producing the 2D Princess and the Frog (106 million) with that of Tangled, which came out one year later (260 million).  It is, like, so cost effective to make 2D movies right now.  Which means more money in the box office.
  • Seriously, I know you can afford to do this.  You own, like, a fifth of the world right now.
  • Literally, you could write a 100 million dollar check to make this happen and have the money back by the time its validated.  Maybe that’s not totally true.  But you had a gross income of 20 billion last year.  That’s over three hundred million per week.  You would literally have made back the money for making this movie in less than a week.
  • And you’ll definitely earn it all back in box office sales.  Maybe twice over.  I don’t know.  I’m dedicated.
  • So is the Disney fandom.
  • Think of the merchandise sales.  I know your puppy dog sales have been down because kids haven’t been exposed to 101 Dalmatians in a long time.  I know.  You’ve been cutting back on production.  But think of the increase in sales.  Think of the increase in merchandise.  Barbie-sized dolls of Roger and Anita.  Funko toys of Roger and Anita.  I don’t know.  Just do what you did with Elsa and slap Anita’s face on everything from shampoo to lamps.  It worked once, didn’t it?
  • We don’t need another princess.  We need a starving artist falling in love with a lovely lady he accidentally pushed into a pond.  That’s real love.  That’s real life.  Because not everyone gets a real palace, but a tiny house in London with your own Sir Galahad can definitely be your dream castle.
  • Two words: Park profit.  Kids will flock to get their pictures taken with Anita and Roger and get their autographs in their little books.  And guess what that means?  More tickets sold.
  • One word: Dogs
  • It’s what Walt would have wanted.


  • Honestly, I couldn’t think of any.  But an all pro’s list is just silly, so…
  • You…can’t…write them into Once Upon a Time because you already gave Pongo to someone?  Nah.  I’m sure the writers would figure out how to work with this one too.

In light of the above lists, I see the implementation of this idea as a necessity.




This film would also contain dogs, which is a huge bonus.  Who doesn’t want to see a dog on screen?

I’m an extended day teacher of 5th grade.

On their last day of school, my kids quicky came up to me, and demanded to know what’s going on. Why is everyone saying Cap is a bad guy? “Ms? What’s going on?”

I had to explain to crying and angry 5th graders about why/how Cap is Hydra.

And one of my girls, Abby, who was wearing a Captain America tee-shirt, clutching her shield backpack and had sat with me everyday after homework time to listen to me tell them comic storylines, goes “He can’t be Hydra, Ms. He can’t be. His my hero. He can’t be. What about Bucky? Why would he be someone who hurt Bucky?” And I’m honestly so fucking angry about this.

These kids don’t care about sales, or understand about the money. All they know is the man I told them about. The hero that I would them tell stories about, everyday if they behaved.

“Come kids, let’s sit outside and I’ll tell you about the first time Cap ever met Tony. Or about the time he really wasn’t him, but a Skrull! But he beat them in the end. Or about Sam becoming Captain America! He did! What do you want to hear about today?

Come on guys, Cap would want you to do your homework first!

If Steve Rogers, all of 45 pounds, could stand up to bullies, so can you. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t, because I know Cap thinks you can!”

We printed out posters, the Cap Wants You ones, to support voting and their anti bullying campaign.

These kids don’t know about the politics behind this. They don’t care. All they know is Captain America is everything they thought he fought against.

All they know is Captain America is the bad guy.

“But he can’t be, he’s my hero..”



Originally posted by cptnstevens


“I don’t wanna go!” Emma cried, as Dean tried to get her dressed. Dean sighed.

“I know, baby, but you don’t have a choice.”

Ever since they had moved, Emma had been fighting him. Dean knew that it was hard on her, but he hadn’t had a choice. Lydia was gone and his job transferred him. He hated having to pack his five year old up and move her away from the only life she ever knew, but it was that or lose his job.

After a while, Dean finally got Emma dressed and fed and in her booster seat. The school that he had enrolled Emma in wasn’t too far from his new office, which he liked. He walked her inside and had a brief conversation with her new teacher before he kissed the top of Emma’s head and went to work.

After a day of introductions and annoying phone calls, all Dean wanted was to pick his daughter up and relax. The kids were outside playing when he arrived. Several parents were watching from their cars or were on the playground with them.

Dean got out of his car and walked into the play area. Emma was laughing and running with some other kids. She let out a squeal of delight when Dean scooped her up and kissed her cheek. At the same time another little body slammed against his legs, leaving dirty handprints on his suit.

“Alfie!” A man’s voice said, coming closer. The little boy went to his side and grabbed his hand. The man looked at Dean with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Dean said. “It’s not like Emma’s never done it before.”

The man smiled. Dean tried not to check him out and fail miserably. The guy was hot, about his age, with dark hair and blue eyes.

“I’m Dean Winchester,” Dean said offering his free hand. “We just moved here.”

“Castiel Shurley.”

“Daddy, I want chicken nuggets.” Emma said, pulling Dean’s attention from the other man.

“Chicken nuggets, Papa,” Alfie agreed, tugging on Castiel’s sleeve. Cas smiled at Dean.

“Would you like to have dinner with us?” He offered. Dean considered it. He had chicken nuggets in the freezer at home, but He and Emma could use friends here.

“Sure. I’ll follow you.”

The McDonalds was busy, as to be expected. After Alfie and Emma finished their food Dean and Castiel allowed them to go to the play area.

“Where did you move here from?” Cas, as he had instructed Dean to call him, asked when they were alone.

“Kansas. My job moved me here.”

“Emma seems to be adjusting well. I work at the school. I saw her playing with a some other kids. They seemed friendly.”

“Good. We just got here a few days ago. She hasn’t really gotten a chance to settle in.”

“Children are very resilient. She’ll be fine in a week or so.”

“You know a lot about kids?”

“I’m a child psychiatrist. I volunteer at the school two or three times a week.” Dean nodded.

“What do you do, Dean?”

“I’m the head of sales and marketing at Sandover.” Castiel studied him for a moment.

“You don’t like your job, do you?” Dean laughed a little.

“Does anyone?”

“I do. I like helping people–children.”

“Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I was going to quit, then Emma came into the picture. She’s my top priority.” Castiel nodded.

“I know that feeling. Alfie is my world. I’d give up everything for him.” Something flashed through Cas’s eyes that told Dean that he already had.

“They look like they get along well,” Dean said, nodding towards where the kids were playing. Cas smiled.

“It appears so.”

They let them play for a little while longer before telling them it was time to leave. They said their goodbyes and went home.

Emma and Alfie became fast friends and played together every day. When Dean had no choice but to work late, he knew he could trust Castiel to take care of her until he left the office, and vice versa.

One day meetings and spread sheets and everything under the sun going wrong kept Dean in the office until after ten. Cas had told him over the phone that it was okay and he would put Emma to bed there.

“I’m sorry it’s so late,” Dean said when Cas opened the door for him.

“It’s okay. She’s asleep in Alfie’s room. Would you like a glass of wine?”

“Yeah, sounds good.”

Cas went into the kitchen and got another glass. He filled it and handed it to Dean before settling next to him.

“So,” Cas said. “Have you been hit on by the single moms club yet?”

“The what?”

“The single mothers usually try to go out with single dads. Especially the handsome ones.”

“So you think I’m handsome.”

“Shut up.” Dean smiled.

“No, I haven’t been hit on. Not that it would do them any good.”

“Oh really?”

“Emma is the only woman I need in my life right now.”

“What about men?” Cas asked, looking down at his glass.

“I might have room for a few more of those.”

Cas sat his glass down and scooted closer to him. Dean put his down and put his hand on the back of Cas’s neck.

There was no hesitation when their lips met. This moment had been a long time coming for the both of them. They still had things they need to talk about, issues to sort through, but for now they had this.

Dean felt Cas’s fingers trying to undo the buttons on his shirt and he stopped them.

“Not yet.”

“We’re working parents, Dean. We don’t exactly have a lot of free time,” Cas pointed out, trying again.

“We’re not sleeping together until we go out on date, Cas. A real one.”

“Fine,” Castiel relented. “Just kiss me again.”

Dean did.


Cas’s dad agreed to babysit so that they could go out. He was short, awkward man, but the kids were drawn to him.

The restaurant they chose was nice and there were no kids running around. They chatted idly at first but then Dean strived for the harder questions.

“What happened to Alfie’s mom?”

“She didn’t want children. She left as soon as she could after he was born.”

“Emma’s mom waited until she three. Our relationship was over, I don’t know why I didn’t end it sooner, before Emma could get so attached to her. I guess I just wanted her to have a normal family.”

“I don’t think that there’s any such thing. She’s probably better off with you raising her by yourself than with a mother that didn’t want to be involved,” Castiel looked down into his wine glass. “At least that’s what I tell myself.”

“How long has it been?”

“Two years.”


“Dean,” Cas reached out and took his hand. “We’re parents. We already have split our time between our work and kids. Dating is nearly impossible. I like you, you like me. We don’t have to do all of this.”

“I like doing all of this.” Dean squeezed hand. “I know we won’t be able to go out all the time, but I want to take you out and show you off, just as much as I want to stay in with you.” Cas smiled.


They had a nice time. Castiel told some of the funnier stories he had from work and the school. Dean told a few about Emma.

They walked into Cas’s house laughing. Cas hushed Dean because it was way past the kids bedtime. Chuck wished them a goodnight before ducking out the door.

Dean leaned in and kissed Castiel for the first time that night. Cas sighed against his mouth.

“Come to bed with me,” He whispered. Dean nodded.

They moved slowly, trying to keep quiet. The occasional groan or cry would slip out and they would pause to make sure that neither of the kids heard them. It was slow, but it was good.

Castiel curled up against Dean and laid his head on his chest.

“Goodnight, Dean,” He said, kissing Dean’s neck gently.

“Night, Cas.”


They decided not to tell Emma and Alfie about their relationship until they knew it was going to last.

Like Cas had said before, they were working parents. It was hard to find time for dates while they were trying to raise their children. The most romantic they really got were a few dates when Chuck could babysit and making out on couches while the kids were playing.

Miraculously, they had lasted six months when Cas asked Dean if they could tell Emma and Alfie.

“He loves you, Dean. And Emma. I love you, too.”

Dean had kissed him and agreed.

Neither of them had estimated on how hard it actually was to explain it to them.

“Are you gonna get married?” Emma asked.

“No, baby,” Dean said. “At least, not right now.”


“Yes, Alfie?” Cas asked, running his fingers through his son’s hair.

“Can we go play?”

“Yes, honey.” The kids jumped off of the couch. Dean wrapped an arm around Cas’s shoulders.

“I think it went well,” Dean said. Cas leaned into him and Dean kissed his forehead.


One of Dean’s favorite things was watching Cas with Alfie. They had different parenting styles, but they were both good styles.

Cas was the type that watched his son sleep, just to be sure he was still breathing, Dean would fall asleep in Emma’s bed reading her her bedtime story. Cas liked to touch Alfie’s hair when he walked by or was looking at something the little boy pointed out, Dean usually just let Emma do her thing. When Cas hugged Alfie he held on for as long as he could, he didn’t move from beside his bed when he was sick, he was loving an protective without being overly so.

“I never really had parents,” Cas explained. “They were always too busy. I want Alfie to feel more loved and cherished than I did.”

“I think that you’re doing a good job,” Dean replied. Cas leaned into him, closing his eyes.

“I’m trying. I never thought that I would be raising my child alone. It’s harder than I thought.”

“You’re not alone,” Dean said. Cas opened his eyes and studied him for a moment before he kissed him.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” They kissed again and Castiel settled back against his chest. Dean wrapped his arms around him and sighed, relaxing into the couch.

It wasn’t always easy. Sometimes after long days at work and listening to the kids scream they snapped at each other and didn’t speak for days. They always made up in the end.

After a little over a year of dating, Dean and Castiel got married. They didn’t bother with a big ceremony, because neither had time to plan it. They just went to city hall one day and exchanged rings.

They bought a house that had plenty of room for all four of them. Dean hated packing Emma up so soon, but the new house was only a few minutes away from there apartment. Cas said that she would be fine.

They sat the kids down at the kitchen table one day to talk to them seriously.

“Alfie,” Dean said. “How would you feel about me adopting you?”

“What’s that mean?” The little boy asked.

“It mean that I’d be your other papa.” Alfie tilted his head in a very Cas like way.

“But you are my other papa.” Dean smiled.

“And you’re my son. I love you, Alfie.”

While Alfie repeated the sentiment and Dean hugged him, Cas kneeled down in front of Emma.

“Emma, would you do me the honor of being my daughter?” Emma nodded and wrapped her arms around Cas’s neck.

They went out for ice cream to celebrate.

That night, after they carried the kids home and put them to bed, Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean.

“What’s this for?” Dean asked, hugging him back. They usually saved the hugs for the kids and went straight to the good stuff.

“I’m just happy,” Cas said, pulling back enough to look at Dean. “We’re really a family now. Legally.”

“Yeah, we are.”

“Thank you, Dean.”

“For what?”

“I had given up hope. Everyone I tried to have a relationship with has seen Alfie and ran. But you took him on, along with your own daughter. Thank you for loving me when no one else would.”

“I do love you.”

“I love you, too.” They kissed and Cas hugged him again.

“Let’s go to bed,” Dean said, kissing his hair. “It’s been a long day.”

“A good long day.”

Dean kept his arm around Cas waist as they walked down the hall to their room.

Cas was right. They were a family now, the Winchester-Shurley’s. It’s not the family Dean had pictured growing up, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

✨Squad Goals Season 2 Episode 20 Pt. 2✨

“Babe you’re a fucking pro at changing diapers” Justin says in shock before picking up a freshly changed Zara and placing her in the carrier we’d decided to tote her around in while we toured the next house.

“I watched Louis change Freddie loads of times. I’m surprised this worked out so well since i’ve never actually changed one” Justin makes faces at Zara and I’m able to catch the exchange on snapchat before Meagan clears her throat and motions around the home.

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