you know what else is in the way

The issues with the recovery vs. anti-recovery discourse in a nutshell.

First problem: Nobody knows what anyone else is talking about (but they keep arguing like they do).

no one actually defines recovery the same way.

  • when we talk about ‘recovery’ half of y'all use that word to mean “doing what you can to manage better in your day to day lives” and the other half use it to mean “being totally cured, completely and utterly mental illness/neurodivergence/disability free” so we constantly end up with 2 or more people arguing about recovery thinking the people they’re arguing with are defining it the same way as they are but in reality everyone involved is talking about a different thing entirely.

whether you define recovery as managing better or being cured there’s also an issue of interpretation there because different people have different ideas about what managing better and being cured mean as well.

  • does 'managing better’ mean simply doing what you can with what you have? or are we defining it as nothing short of getting out every day and living some 9-5 job, white picket fence sort of life? i’ve seen people define it both ways and a thousand ways in between. when you consider recovery to be about being 'cured’, how do you define that? how do you see it happening? are you acknowledging that there are people who cannot or do not want to be cured and saying this shit anyway or are you only thinking about say, only depression, but simply not naming that thing in your post which brings me to

when we talk about mental illness, neurodivergence, and disability, people are STILL hopelessly vague.

  • take a sentence like “if you’re mentally ill recovery is possible” and ask yourself what mental illness are we talking about? what is your definition of recovery? because we’ve already established that 'recovery’ could mean any number of things and 'mental illness’ tells us nothing. are we talking about depression or anxiety? or are we talking about personality disorders? psychotic disorders? what? saying you can be cured from depression is not the same as saying you can be cured from a personality disorder - tips people share to help manage anxiety are not going to be applicable to all mental illnesses. y'all are constantly saying 'mental illness’ in posts when you’re actually only talking about depression or something and people with mental illnesses that are not depression are reading that and thinking “what the fuck” because what’s true for depression is categorically false for plenty of other shit.

people are constantly ignoring physically disability and chronic illness in discussions about recovery.

  • 'recovery’ is not only a term used in discussions WRT mental illness but also with physical illness and disability so when a person who is chronically ill or physically disabled sees a vague “recovery is possible” post even if you did not intend for it to be about them they have no way of knowing that when you’re being vague as fuck about what you’re actually saying and who it is your post is about. and i shouldn’t need to explain to y'all why telling a person who is physically disabled and has zero chance of that ever changing that they can be 'cured’ is on a whoooole other level than telling someone with depression they can be cured.

Problem Two: Y'all can’t tell the difference between personal anecdotal posts and posts that are specifically addressed to/for other people.

raise your hand if you’ve been victimized by regina george had some “we can’t all be neurotypical karen” comment added to a post you made about your own experience with some kind of coping mechanism or something you did that helped you with whatever is going on with you?

  • a lot of people involved in these discussions see a post that says “i tried yoga and it helped with my depression” and they think it’s the same thing as “you need to try yoga because it will cure your depression” but…they are totally different. personal anecdotes are not personal recommendations, a person talking about something THEY did to help with THEIR self =/= a person telling YOU what to do to help with YOURSELF.

y'all also constantly misconstrue posts that are brainstorming different potential coping mechanisms and positive things to do with posts that are specifically instructing you to do something and assuming that these posts are guaranteeing you 100% that all the things on them will work or your money back.

  • example: y'all see a post that’s like “here’s a list of some positive things you can do to help with your anxiety” and you think the OP is specifically saying that all of them will work for everyone…but that’s not what those posts are about. they’re not instructions, they’re ideas. they’re not meant to tell a person what to do or even promising them that any of that shit will work, they’re for brainstorming and coming up with something that might be helpful.

Problem Three: Some of y'all think too narrowly.

a lot of people on this site have an issue with black and white thinking.

  • nuance who? y'all don’t get that not only are all mental illnesses, neurodivergencies, and disabilities the same but that people who have the same thing are not going to experience that thing in the same way. example: two people with bpd can have a WILDLY different experience with it and can have wildly different methods of dealing with it. what works for the one can have the absolute opposite affect on the other.

y'all assume that you can see one post a person made or even a couple of posts and you think you know everything there is to know about them and their experiences.

  • but a person’s blog is only just a SMALL window into their life (even when they run a blog specifically about their mental illness, neurodivergence or disability you STILL don’t know even the half of what there is to know about them). you can’t see a couple of negative posts and assume that that means the person making them is “doing nothing” to help themselves or that they’re “anti recovery” because those posts are just a small fraction of who they are and what they’re doing. this is also even more ridiculous of an assumption because plenty of people use their blogs specifically FOR venting their negative shit and who someone is IRL is never going to be a living, breathing personification of who they are in their vent tag.

as much as people talk about “the mental illness community” or whatever, the fact is we’re not actually a community.

  • we’re a bunch of people with one common thing posting in the same tags and occasionally we form little connections when we all follow some of the same blogs and we see the same familiar usernames but we’re not a community in the sense that there’s a community leader or a set of community rules or a list of things unifying us together or, for that matter, any actual interaction between us. the fact is that tumblr is a website with MILLIONS of users and the view you have of certain groups of people on tumblr (the mentally ill, neurodivergent, or disabled for example) will depend radically on who you follow and what tags you’re viewing. if you hate being exposed to negativity and people who are negative about their lives, you can prevent that from happening by simply not following those people, by blocking them, and perhaps by finding other tags to post in. saying “tumblr is anti-recovery” is much like saying “the city of new york is anti-recovery” just because you stumbled across some people in a back alley complaining about their anxiety. you can leave the alley and go somewhere else that’s more suited to you, you don’t have to stay and tell the people there to shut up because they’re not being positive enough for you.

And problem four: Some of y'all are just assholes.

  • i think the majority of the recovery/anti-recovery argument could be solved if we were all a little less vague in our posts and made an effort to word them as specifically as possible and if we were all just a little less narrow-minded in both our thinking and listening but there are still people on this site who are just jerks because they will always assume that they know better than anyone else and, worse, that they know other people’s experiences and minds better than those people do and will absolutely lose their shit if anyone tries to tell them otherwise.
  • this goes back to more black and white/no nuance thinking and it’s a problem on this site that goes well beyond recovery discourse. the solution for this is for all of us to try and think more critically, listen more carefully, and consider other people beyond just our initial reactions. most of being an asshole comes down to not caring about other people—not caring about how they feel, what they think, what they have been through—and the rest comes down to caring so much for ourselves and what we personally feel and think about any given thing that it makes us ignorant to everything else, so obsessed with our own opinions that we’re happy to fall face-first into the pond and drown in them. we all have to be cautious that we don’t fall into that and that we don’t end up creating our own little bubbles where our voices are the only ones we hear and we can do that by talking (not vaguely) and even moreso by listening to others when they speak.

anonymous asked:

Do you ever plan to stop obsessing over Dragon Age? The art you make for it is beautiful, but man... I would love to see something different besides Overwatch occassionally...

thank you!! hahah I honestly don’t know!! I nurture and treasure my obessions a lot because they are hard to come by for me and they fuel me in a way that nothing else can 😖 I run more on inspiration than I do on discipline so jumping from one obsession to the next is the most reliable way to keep my head afloat, but we can’t know for sure what or when something will catch our eye so I stay in my cozy home obsession until the time comes 😣

One of my highschool flings messaged me the other day telling me that he was in love with me … not cool lol.
Anyways after telling me he was in love with me he tells me that he’s sorry for being a jerk all this time. So i asked him why? He said “you’re a bigger girl and while i think you’re beautiful I️ didn’t know what my friends would say”
And you guys i cried so hard. Not Just for me but for all of the other beautiful amazing women who are done the same way because of how someone else’s opinion matters.
It began to become very clear to me. It does not matter how nice and kind and how damn good of a woman i am. Someone will always dislike me or judge me.
It hurts, of course. We strive for perfection as women and humans. Something so subjective and unattainable.
I’ve come to realize that i can be a big girl and kind and smart and whatever else I want and that’s all i can be. No one can take that away from me.
So I’m proud of all my curves, long legs, and big shoulders and arms. My long legs and strong arms take care of people and that’s what matters.
Do what matters.


Gif source:  Wade  |  Carisi

Imagine being Wade Wilson’s little sister and having to introduce him to your boyfriend, Carisi.

——— Request for anon ———

“Wait… That’s your brother?” Carisi can’t hold himself back, caught off-guard enough that the way he was pointing at your brother at the moment was sheer reaction over anything else.

“Wade,” you groan, rubbing your temple for a moment as you look over to your brother— what the hell was he wearing? He looked like a tourist. Had he done this just to crash your date with your boyfriend? “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, hey, sis, just passing by and caught you eating with this lanky dude, who you have been avoiding letting me meet,” Wade’s voice is cheery and fake, “so I decided to take matters into my own hands. Hi, how ya’ doing? You’re a cop, right? My sister has told me nothing about you, though I have my ways of finding out things she doesn’t want me to know, like that one time when she was nineteen and—”

“WADE!” you cut him off, fuming as you quickly take control of the train wreck of a one-sided conversation that had Sonny looking between the two of you and trying to figure out how possibly you could be siblings. “God, I didn’t want you to meet each other like this. Sonny, yes, this is my brother, Wade Wilson. Please excuse him, he is an idiot sometimes.”

“Aw, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me!” Wade clutches his chest sarcastically, “Just about brought a little tear to my eye.”

“You know I want to kill you right now, right, stalker?” you growl in annoyance, only getting a grin from Wade as he pulls up a chair, scraping the floor loudly and obnoxiously in a way that has you sighing again.

He sits into it before he asks, “Mind if I sit with you? So, Carisi, huh? That Italian?“
Sonny shoots you a glance that says you have a lot of explaining to do before slowly responding with an elongated, “Yeah…”

Looks like your romantic brunch with your boyfriend had been completely derailed.

anonymous asked:

That post with all the shaking hands and friendly was fine and made me feel glad about the lgbt community being all friendly and the like. But then geekandmisandry had to ruin it, and worse, you had to reblog it without calling her out on being a bad ally and a bitch. Super ashamed of you rn, ngl. =/

Not gonna lie anon, super ashamed of us too - why? Not because we reblogged the post - but that apparently we haven’t done our job and you are here to act like heterophobia exists. 

The post in question by the way. 

Anyways, @geekandmisandry wasn’t being a bad ally to anyone except straight people, which you know what, we are not obligated to be nice to oppressors. In addition to that, nice job on using a misogynistic insult? I’m ashamed of you anon. 

Go find someone else to whine at.

Mod Bethany

Edit: the OP of the post of the aphobe which is the only reason it’s being removed

About Drake’s and Bertrand’s argument.

This situation is really starting to get on my nerves! 😡 Drake had all the right to explode at Bertrand that night and everything he said is right. The guy lost his sister for god knows how long, then he finds out that people who he calls them his friends (and we all know Drake doesn’t open up to people easily to become friends) knew all along where his sister and why she left? I mean Bertrand did know that it has something to do with what happened between them, yet they both looked on his face everyday like nothing happened. And we all know by now how the nobles treat the commoners like Drake. Hell, they treated us that way even by Bertrand and you all that time were complaining about it and hating on him. No, I don’t feel sorry for Bertrand. He deserved it, he had it coming and I’m glad it was Drake not someone else.

And let’s face it. Bertrand had sex with Savannah then pushed her away by giving her a long speech about how they can’t be together and now after Drake found out and came to confront him about it he says that she misunderstood?! Maybe if he told Drake about it before it would work but now after all this time, I don’t think if we put anyone in Drake’s shoes would take it easy like nothing happened.

anonymous asked:

This isn't really a question but I just kinda needed to tell someone so on the bus on the way to school the bus driver handed me a note and told me not to let anyone read it or see it. I thought I was at trouble at first and then I read it. It said something along the lines of what name she should call me in front of everyone else. I replied with a thank you and told her my preferred name. I know I shouldn't been glad she said anything at all but idk it made me feel like an outsider

Lee says:
The only not-questions we accept are good vibes, not vents (as stated in the faq)

anonymous asked:

I assume you’re a teenager that’s trying to figure out the world and that’s ok. You’re entitled to your opinion and perspective about what’s right and wrong. It’s just really curious to me: why are you making a stand against homosexuality on tumblr? It’s one of the few places where alternate sexualities are appreciated online as opposed to oppressed and attacked openly. You are being intolerant and disrespectful by voicing your oppressive opinions about sexuality here.

1) Lol you’re demeaning nature is hilarious. I’m a young adult, yes, who is trying to figure out the world…like everyone else in the world. However, logically that has no bearing on the validity of my position. I’m sure you as an educated, mature adult would know this ad hominem fallacy is a classic and terribly naive way to attack…

2) This is actually a moderately decent question. It goes to the fact that this site has become a seedbed for alternate views on…well, truth and morality. What is being expressed here on this site is just plain not accurate, not based in fact, science, or morality oftentimes. And this goes across the board, not just in relation to sexuality. I want to expose this and bring alternate views for people to consider as opposed to having one, unanimous voice of immorality masquerading as “tolerance and respect”. 

3) Don’t name call. Another classic fallacy that is SUPER popular these days is to just call someone with an opposing view as ignorant, intolerant, oppressive, etc. What if I’m telling the truth? If I really am right, then I am NONE of those things. 

  • Negan: hmm..If you're still *The Guy*....if you indeed have always..... been.... the guy....then why the hell didn't you know about the widow leading an army of your people straight up my ass in Alexandria ? ....You know what i think Gregory ? I think you're playin' both sides.... i think you are a thin dicked politician threadin the needle with your thin thin dick.... now is listening to you the right way to go? or is it the right place and time for somethin else....
  • Me: *emotionally dehydrated/exhausted from JDM being an absolute daddy in this scene*

you know what? fuck everyone who says you gotta go through very specific and/or prestigious creative channels to be a “real” writer/artist/musician/etc.

literally just fucking do it. just get out your preferred medium and transfer that shit from your brain onto it. fuck everyone who says you have to get a book deal, go through publishing houses, go to art school, get several degrees in music theory, or whatever else. just start doing it and as long as you stay mindful of what works and what doesn’t, you’ll figure it out along the way.

anonymous asked:

you're disgusting and truly dont deserve to call yourself a true crime blog. you have a fangirl blog.

well im sorry you feel this way. but the thing is im not a girl. so how can i be a fan girl????? and i already know im disgusting sweetie. but you know what else is disgusting? going out of your way to put someone down :) have a good day <3 also hiding behind anon is disgusting <3 fucking stop being a cunt and come off anon. love you <3

anonymous asked:

I admire river so much and I can say he is a huge inspiration to me and I love him, though people always same me for saying that. I don't like him like that, I respect him and admire his passions and his work. I'm not a crazy fan girl and people make me feel ashamed of my admiration for him as a human being... I love him but not in a way like that. I don't know if this makes sense I just feel pushed down and shameful ...

You don’t need to prove yourself or River to anyone. No one else’s opinion matters. People are going to think what they want but if your intention is genuine and your heart is in the right place then that’s all that matters xx

anonymous asked:

Hi! So basically I’m half way through my fitness journey and I’m doing well however I’ve recently moved to a new city and started at a new gym. It’s really busy, particularly the weight areas, and I just feel really out of place and like I don’t know what I’m doing compared to everyone else even though I’m comfortable using all the equipment at other gyms, it’s just so daunting cause there’s so many people and everyone is getting in my way? Any ideas how to help this?

You could ask a staff member if they notice a trend in when the gym is the busiest? If your schedule is flexible, you could try going at a different time. It may just take you some time to get used to the new location and gain confidence, even though you know you’re comfortable using the equipment. But ultimately, maybe this gym isn’t a good fit for what you want. There should be plenty of smaller, private gyms around if you’re willing to pay for them.

anonymous asked:

Character name: ota, room: bedroom

How Does This Character Sleep: Ota prefers to sleep on his side, it’s more comfortable that way.

What Are Their Pyjamas Like: He has teddy bear pyjamas no one knows about. He’s quite fond of them but only wears them occasionly when he knows no one else will find out. Too bad everyone else already knows. A certain somebody couldn’t keep their mouth shut. It was just too cute.

What Do They Dream About Usually: Ota sometimes has some pretty crazy dreams. Once he dreamed you had turned into a literal dog and freaked out but then it turned out he was a dog too! Ota knew he needed to tone back on the dog treatment after his dreams started becoming warped. He also dreams about you a lot. Especially you and him in bed… Though it often results in you scolding him for having such errotic dreams. In reality, you really didn’t mind his dreams, they were just embarrassing hearing his fantasies out loud.

How Neat/Tidy Is This Character: Not very. Ota generally leaves his place a mess always saying he will get to it later but later never comes. He’s always covered in paint somewhere on his body. Though when it comes to going out on a date, he usually washes himself until he is sparkling clean. Ota only wants to look his best for you.

How Affectionate Is This Character: Ota can be very affectionate but sometimes you have to work for his affection. And his kind of affection is often different to the norm. But he can be very sweet in his own way.

Not sure if these are any good. I get nervous doing things like this. But I hope it’s okay.

anonymous asked:

How do you decide a budget for yourself in college? The way my health is, its been made very clear that I need to eat (whats considered to be a lot by broke students) or I’ll suffer the consequences. However, I dont have a very reliable source to tell me what I can and cant spend, or what’s necessary. How do I stop feeling bad about buying food? And its not like I can just get a job on campus, mostly because my mental health would likely take me down on the first day.

i’m sorry;;;; i honestly don’t know the best way to go about budgeting so i don’t feel comfortable suggesting anything but if anyone else knows the best way of managing their money/money saving hacks with food please feel free to comment! 

i hope you can find a way to buy food without feeling bad about it because it really is the most essential to purchase. even if you don’t have a job, hopefully there’s other opportunities like volunteering to participate in a study for cash or some brief telecommuting gigs online

Notes to the girl whose house I live in

by reddit user JJX2525

It took me a week to find where you keep your wifi password. A whole week! I was really worried you’d thrown it away, but lo and behold, there it was in the cutlery drawer of all places. Everything about the way you organize things confuses me. I guess because you live on your own now you just put things any old place. I know there was someone else before, I heard you talking about him on the phone. Johnny, I think? Jimmy? Anyway, I know because you said it was tough being alone. But you’re not alone, of course. You have me!

Keep reading

I think it’s very interesting when people talk about their love stories. Like when you guys blog about, “my and my husband, me and my boyfriend” or just anyone talking about how they fell in love. 
There seem to be these very definitive phases. It doesn’t matter how long that phase lasts. There seems to be a moment where you know it transitioned to the next phase. People will be like, “Oh my God, we were friends for six years and there was this moment and we knew and then it changed. Then there was a moment and it got even deeper. Then there was a moment and we knew” or like “I saw this person and there was this moment and we knew.” Everyone has a different story with how they connect with someone else and what i find interesting is the moment where it switches. You always hope that switch is going to move forward and not backwards because it can happen either way. I always wanted to structure the song where each individual section of the song sounded like a move forward in the relationship but still being listenable. So I wanted the verse to seem like it’s own phase of a relationship, the pre-chorus to sound like it’s own phase of a relationship, and the chorus to sound like it’s own phase of a relationship. I wanted them to all have their own identity but seem like they were getting deeper and more fast paced as the song went on. So finally I was able to achieve that in a song
—  Taylor introducing King of My Heart on iHeartRadio

“He was lost, Cas. Our last hunt, he almost didn’t make it back and said he saw Billie.”

“He saw Billie?” Castiel parroted. They were both still in the war room in the bunker, the aftermath of recent events still fresh and new in their minds as Sam recounted what happened while Castiel had been “away.” 

“Yeah, and it wasn’t great.” Sam bit his lip. “Cas, When Mom disappeared…when you died. I think it broke him to a point where he couldn’t come back from it and deal with his grief. More than one night he’s had nightmares where I’d have to get him out and it’s always your name that’d he’d scream.”

“Grief is a complex emotion that is difficult to understand. The both of you have suffered with it greatly, but I have passed before.” Castiel paused, cognizant the statement should make no sense to anyone else except for the three of them. “He had been in grief then but had managed to find a way out. What made this time different?”

“I saw your wings, Cas.” A voice interrupted them from the threshold of the war room.

It clicked in Castiel’s head then. Understandable. "Dean.”

Keep reading

dan: there will be a pinof later this month…but we’ve got something else to get out of the way this month…*looks down* er…something that…we’ve been meaning to er…talk about for a long time [and] we’ve decided it’s finally time to share with the world so er…hope you look forward to that

me (esp. @ 10 secs in):

ps. he said something abt “graphic design” afterwards so hold ya demon horses pals lmao i know the feel but lol let’s not make a mountain out of a mole hill i’m just laughingngfn at how he worded that jfc