i can’t stop thinking about what kind of criers dan and phil would be. i feel like dan’s crying would be a slow build up. his eyes just get watery at first, and he tries so hard to keep it in, but eventually the tears start cascading down his cheeks. he’d get a runny nose and his forehead would crease out of frustration because he hates crying, but he does it all the time. when his crying hits its peak, he’d be a blubbering mess, wiping furiously at his tears and constantly blowing his nose. he doesn’t like to be comforted while he’s crying, but when he’s finished and all that’s left is tear stained cheeks, he’d cling to the closest thing, preferably another person that would play with his hair, rub his back, and comfort him quietly.
phil on the other hand is a quiet crier. it happens really suddenly because he’s not afraid to be emotional and soft. his tears build up and he doesn’t try to hold them back. his eyes get red and puffy, and he tries to wipe away the tears quickly with his sleeve. he gets sniffly, but hides it by taking deep breaths through his mouth. his eyes are glossy and doe-like when his crying reaches the climax. he likes to be held the whole way through, even if it’s just someone holding his hand or resting a hand on his knee. physical contact calms him down and helps him feel more real. his favorite thing is when people rub their fingers up and down his arm, it nearly lulls him to sleep, but it distracts him from whatever it is he’s crying about.
Can’t we just put aside our differences and all agree that whether you love ice-skating boys or esper kids that what we’re all really excited for is another season of an egg and a toaster in domestic bliss?
The point at which men feel compelled to make a separate, masculine fandom name for themselves, the better to differentiate themselves from other, presumably female fans inhabiting the same space, is the point at which they feel their gender to be not only relevant to their expression of fandom, but so important that it needs its own word, lest we confuse them with women.
The fact that men seem only to be interested in doing this on entering traditionally or predominantly female fandoms says a lot about the logic behind it. Where fans are presumed to be male, there’s no need to assert their maleness with a masculine name; where fans are presumed to be female, however, they strive to differentiate themselves, not only to void the risk of being mistaken for women, but to rebrand the actual property as being for men.
If such men were genuinely interested in disproving gender binaries and the sort of sexist logic that tries to steer their tastes in other directions, as is sometimes claimed, they wouldn’t feel the need to establish that the thing they like has masculine properties, as though they couldn’t or wouldn’t like it otherwise. This isn’t like the oft-ignored female fans of comics and videogames asserting, rightly, that such things are for everyone, which category happens to include them; it’s men expressly stating that an originally or traditionally feminine property isn’t really feminine, the better to make it for men.
Following this logic, female-dominated fandoms are only worth joining if men can make absolutely sure that their support isn’t confused with female support, or their interests with female interests, the better to assert their more selective ownership of the property. Crucially, this move also has the effect of forcing women to either accept the gendering of the fandom and adopt their own, feminine nomenclature - possibly one the men themselves have created, heedless of the fact that it was irrelevant prior to their insistence that it wasn’t, as per the term pegasister - or to refuse the binary and so have the male term become synonymous with the fandom as a whole, as though male interest is the only kind that matters.
tl;dr: If you’re a guy and your first thought on approaching a new fandom is “how do I make a name that describes my interest in this thing while letting everyone know that I’m a dude”, then do us all a favour and stay the fuck out of it.