how to get a girlfriend (easy)
what you’ll need:
- one (1) box of captain crunch
- a copy of fallout: new vegas (pc or console, both work)
- lactos-free milk or soy milk (never regular milk)
- one (1) can of sprite
- find a girl you like
- make sure she’s into girls by giving her the can of sprite (by then i hope i’ve made it well-known in the gay community that sprite is for gay ppl only)
- mention you play fallout: new vegas. of she gets excited, you’ve already got yourself a date. if she doesn’t know what that is, invite her over to your house to play
- yeah then do that. eat captain crunch while playing. kiss her on the mouth. ask her to be your gf.
- you get married and have three kids, a dog, and a cat. you live in a nineteenth-century home in the middle of kansas. you work the farm while your wife has her canning business.
- sometimes you see a figure in your field of wheat and turnips: humanoid, shifting, like it’s made of smoke. every time you approach it, it vanishes. you chalk it up to your mind playing tricks on you.