you high bastard

anonymous asked:

Would you guys be wiling to do one that doesn't have Steve in it but is all about Steve? I'm thinking of Fury's initial meeting w/ Sharon asking her to protect Steve. Then, subsequent meetings where she reports relevant happenings. But since there are no relevant happenings (until TWS), Sharon's reports consist mainly of Steve's general comings and goings, his lame attempts to hit on her, and the embarrassing stuff he does when he's alone.

“Did you think I didn’t know?”  Fury raised an eyebrow.

“I think my recruiter didn’t look into it.  I expected you would know, sir.”  Sharon stood at parade rest, only allowing the slightest twich of her lips towards a smile.  

Fury hummed.  “It’s why you’re here.  And not why you’re here.”

“Sir?”  She liked Suduko, crosswords and thousand-piece puzzles.  Fury was more like one of the Fates speaking in riddles than anything else.  

“I chose you for this assignment because Former Director Carter wouldn’t trust anyone else with this detail.  I also chose you for this assignment because regardless of whose blood you’ve got, you’re the only one I trust with this assignment.”

Sharon let out a slow, steady breath, feeling the tension bleed out of her shoulders.  “Thank you, sir.”

***

Fury was mulling over a stack of paperwork, steam curling from his World’s Best Boss mug that sat at his left elbow. (She was pretty sure it was a gift from Natasha).  

“Your monthly report, sir.”

Fury looked up, and sat back.  “Go on.”

“Exercise commences at 0400 hours each day, and ends at 0600. Grocery shopping every other day, a—“

“—Single or multiple trips?”

“Supersoldiers only need single trips, sir.”

Fury smirked and sipped his coffee.

“Between 1400 and 1600 hours each Sunday he cleans and sings.  He orders take out once each week, only on Saturdays for his weekly movie marathon.  He’s reached the 80s, if I’m not mistaken.  There were a lot of lightsaber noises and don’t-you-forget-about-me’s coming from his apartment last week.  And the joke about his midday coffee run being ‘A mission from God’.”

“Anything unusual or concerning to report?”

“The number of times he’s watched Indiana Jones is concerning.”

“Oh?”

“He was reckless in the field before, sir.  I worry what new ideas he’s been picking up.”

Fury smiled, all teeth.  “This is exactly why I chose you for this assignment, agent.”

sassy-dictatorship  asked:

How do you get over someone who you never dated and is also currently your best friend

BEATS ME???!? I literally could N O T get over my first “thing” (oh high-school you bastard with your “not dating but we’re kind of dating”) for like 3 years it sucked. He was a diiiickkkkk but he was such a little bitch. ugh

Reminder: your ask box is not google

Hi team, over the coming couple of years I’m predicting that we’re going to see qn upswing in malicious online trolling from racists, xenophobes, misogynists and assorted creeps, and the prime tactic they are going to resort to is exhausting us.

They know we don’t have infinite energy and they know that we believe in explaining ourselves to a fault. They will ask dumb questions, they will try to trick you into educating them again and again and they will not listen because that is not the game they are playing.

Some tips for the upcoming bullshit we’re going to have to deal with:

1. Do not feed them - their goal is to exhaust you and make you repeat yourself, do not reply to their messages, do not publish their asks, if you are even a little suspicious delete their message immediately.

2. Google exists - if a person really wants to be educated on a topic they can do so themselves. Even if a person is genuinely curious they should not ask you to perform the labour they will not and make it easy for them.

3. Educate for yourself - if you want to make a post or write an article about a topic, do so, but never do so in response to a troll, this just gives them more openings to question you and others in the future. When you shout from your rooftop the word will get out, but if you answer questions at your door the only people listening will be the door-to-door misogyny salesman.

4. Education is a job - and if someone wants you to educate them on trans issues 101 they should be prepared to pay you for the privilege. You are not their textbook.

5. The third law of robotics comes first - protect yourself above all else. You have limited time and you have limited energy. Even the most good hearted person in the world with the most genuine curiousity does not have a right to that time or that energy. Protect yourself before you serve your community.

6. Work smarter, not harder - ask yourself before each post whether this will do what you want it to. You cannot educate everyone on everything so be conscious of your audience and be conscious of your message. Stay on topic, keep it short and keep it sweet.

——

I believe in all of you, the next few years are going to be tough and we are going to give them hell. Save your strength, fight when it counts and we are going to kick these nazi homophobe chauvanistic nightmares right in their goddamn teeth.

Every time a black girl posts some love for black boys, there’s always some dude going “What if I’m lightskinned though?” Like, lightskinned isn’t a separate race you high yellow bastard lol

Kyoya: Do you really want to know how I got injured?
Hikaru: Yes.
Kyoya: I was hula hooping. I attended a class for fitness and fun.
Kaoru: Oh my god.
Kyoya: I’ve mastered all the moves: the pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle…
Hikaru and Kaoru: Why are you telling us?
Kyoya: Because no one will ever believe you.
Hikaru and Kaoru: You sick bastard!