you have to check him out

I really love Kimberly in the scene when Billy dies. There are some people who are the type to immediately spring into action when disaster strikes. They don’t freeze, they act. You’ll see that in many high pressure situations. In Billy’s death scene, Kimberly was shown to be someone who acts in those situations.

When they pull Billy out of the water and set him down, she immediately pushes Jason aside and starts checking for a pulse, and she’s the one who has to tell everyone that he’s dead. They all react in their own ways. Trini turns away, trying to conceal her tears, Zack puts his hand over his mouth to suppress a sob, Jason just freezes and stares. They might have stood there all night if it weren’t for Kimberly telling them to help her pick him up. She was also the one who made that decision, to take him back to Zordon.

I really love scenes like that, when we can see how characters react differently to horrible situations. And Naomi Scott’s performance in that scene was perfect.

anonymous asked:

I'm looking for a sterek fanfic in high school.. Derek works at a coffee shop and Stiles comes in every morning before lacrosse practice.

@scruffysterek says it’s this one!

Originally posted by yourcoffeeguru

a latte problems can be caused when you cannot espresso yourself by HaleHole (SweetFanfics)

(1/1 I 8,786 I Explicit I Sterek)

There’s exactly one hundred and forty-six minutes left until his shift is over in addition to another thirty-five minutes of leaving, biking home, racing up to his room and turning on his laptop so that he can check out the video Erica has sent him and it’ll be just about the longest evening shift he’s had.

Highschool/Coffee shop AU where nerd!Derek is crushing hard on rich!stiles but neither of them have the courage to act on their feelings. It’s a good thing Lydia and Jackson are there to give the pair a necessary push.

inspirationwhereneeded also thinks it might be this one:

It’s Too Early For This by thepsychicclam 

(4,966 I Teen I Complete)  *sterek, high school au, basketball player!derek

Derek loves his job at the coffee shop, especially because Stiles comes in for coffee before early Saturday morning lacrosse practices. The problem is that Derek is too shy to do anything about his crush, and the situation is not helped by the rivalry between the basketball and lacrosse teams.

Puerile

pairing: finn balor | original character

summary: finn won’t stop playing around in the doctor’s office. you’re already pregnant with one child, and finn is your other, much, much older child.

or

“Put the balloon animal down, Finn.”

tags: @neversatisfiedgirl @ambrosegirlforever @baleesi @motleymoose @justhavingfun123469 @blondekel77 @wrestlingxbalorxrollins @wrestlingnoob @kyoukohorimiya @nickysmum1909

author’s note: @ambrosegirlforever requested this so long ago.


“Okay, please put that down, Fergal Devitt. We are here to have a check up for our child, we are not here for you to act like one.”

Finn pouts and lets the ballooned glove in his hand deflate, “You’re so testy today.”

I raise my voice several levels, “You’re so testy today.” He laughs when I mock him, but then shoots quickly out of his seat to retrieve something. “What are you doing?” I ask immediately.

Keep reading

TalesFromTheFrontDesk: Never been threatened like that before

Wow…I’m shaking still guys. I just had the angriest guest I have EVER had. It’s a busy Thursday night. We’re sold out. Room 1519 just checked in maybe 10 minutes prior to this lovely guest Gcoming to the desk. I had been running around trying to find supplies for a roll away bed. I come back and their is a guy at the desk, pacing. I can immediately tell he’s pissed off. I ask him how I can help him. The following conversation ensues Me=Me MD= McGunholder Douchebag

Me: Sorry about that wait, I was running around the hotel. How can I help you?

MD: The people above me sound like they are having a party. Can you shut them up? I have to leave at 5 am and I’ve been trying to call you guys for hours but noone ever answers.

Me: I apologize about that sir. I have been running around the hotel, and I’m the only one here. I can call up there and ask them to quiet down.

MD: Well you need to shut them up. I can’t believe this.

Me: I’m sorry sir, what’s your room number?

MD: 1419

Recognizing the room because they just checked in, and knowing that he couldnt have been calling for hours “Ok sir, I’ll call up there. If they haven’t quieted down in 15 mintues after I call up then give me a call and I’ll go up there again.”

MD: Yelling at this point YOU HAD BETTER SHUT THEM UP! I’M A CONCEALED CARRY AND IF YOU CAN’T I WILL GO UP THERE WITH MY GUN AND TELL THEM TO SHUT UP!

Me: “Well sir, I understand how this is upsetting, however, if you go up there, especially with a gun, I will be forced to call the police. I cannot have you threatening other guests safety because they are being noisy.”

MD: I DON’T CARE! YOU CAN CALL THE POLICE THEN. JUST SHUT THEM UP. IF YOU DON’T I’M GOING UP THERE WITH MY GUN, AND THEN I’M COMING DOWN HERE TO YOU!

Me: I’ve had enough at this point so i say firmly “Sir, I will handle it. If you go up there, gun or no gun, I will have you removed and arrested from this property. Now, I suggest you allow me to handle it, and I will.”

MD: Storms off, and flips me off

Me: “have a better night sir”

MD: Whips around Don’t you dare be facetious with me! NOW DO YOUR FUCKING JOB AND SHUT THEM UP BEFORE I DO!

Me: “Sir, I wasn’t being facetious, I was simply wishing you a better night. Now, your room number is 1419?”

MD: Storms away SHUT THEM UP!

Me: Sir, I genuinely cannot remember your room number.

MD: Flips me off

Me: “Okay…”

MD: As elevator is closing FUCKING 1419!!

I’m shaking because of this encounter. I call my boss, because I honestly want this guy out of my hotel, and she says just to watch the camera and if he goes up call 911 immediately. I’ve never had someone threaten with a gun because the people above them were walking around for 10 minutes. Like I understand you need sleep, however, there is no need to threaten to bring your gun out… I need a vacation. Or a biiiiiiig bottle of tequila. One or the other.

By: lnels2278

anonymous asked:

Do you have any proposal fics? <3

Hi Nonny!

Certainly! I have some fabulous fics on my Wedding and Marriage Proposals Fic Rec List, so check out that list there! It has A LOT of proposal fics on it, because I LOVE wedding proposal fics. (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*) .。.:*♡

Here are two others I need to add to it that I have come across while I have been doing a mass-sorting of my fics:

Extraordinary by queenoftrivia (G, 2860 w. || Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Morse Code, Est. Rel, Violins) – Sherlock’s deduced that John’s going to Italy to buy him a violin. Even the greatest detective alive makes a few mistakes.

Never-Ending Cycle by orphan_account (T, 17,211 w. || Christmas, Est. Rel., Proposal, Fluff) – Or, four times Sherlock Holmes attempted to propose to John Watson, and the Christmas Party at which he finally did. Sherlock thinks he’s a miserable failure, John is confused, Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade provide some unsatisfactory advice, and Mummy is, as always, the solution. All in a lovely, fluffy holiday theme.

Hope you enjoy them, Lovely!! <3

anonymous asked:

After searching for ages I finally got a job! It's not huge but it's something to get me started again. Rebooting my life. Point is, I work at a library now and I wanted to know if you had some librarian Sterek? I'll even take hanging out at a library Sterek! Thank you and have a nice day!

AND

Anonymous said:Could you do a sterek library sex rec?

Congratulations! I have always wanted to be a librarian. I guess I’ll console myself with being a curator of fics instead of books. And for the second ask, some of these contain sex and some don’t.  And our librarian!Stiles tag.- Anastasia

Originally posted by pikasuz

checking him out by Marishna

(1/1 I 1,063 I Teen)

He was back.

Tall, dark, and broody was back on his floor for the third Friday night in a row… with a partner. Of course TDB would have a gorgeous, blonde girlfriend.

he Derek Hale Munch for BDSM Beginners (Friday Night in the Salinger Library, Room 4) by house_of_lantis

(1/1 I 3,884 I Mature)

Everyone told him that college was a time for experimentation and personal growth, the first step towards adulthood and the real world. Stiles Stilinski is a freshman and he leaps into the fire with both feet, drawn in by the sexy and mysterious Derek Hale, who also happens to be the toppiest Dom and also the president of the university’s BDSM club. What began as a healthy curiosity for the kinky and the perverted turns into a journey of self-discovery as Stiles learns about and accepts his kinks and who he wants to teach him to truly submit.

Maybe this time with clothes? by fairyfey

(1/1 I 1,840 I General)

“But” Scott pointed out “You had time to get dressed. Did you not think you were going to die?”

Stiles waved his hands about, as much as he could whilst holding a takeout box and chopsticks and rolled his eyes.

“Does it matter? The building wasn’t really on fire and I got a hot guys number!”

“Yeah, a hot guy who wears pink underwear” Scott grumbled.

Stiles sighed.

“Scott, your boxers have cartoon puppies on them, are you really one to judge?”

Scott, looking defeated, asked when Stiles was going to call Derek.

Talk Nerdy To Me by stileskolpath

(1/1 I 1,922 I Teen)

Stiles’ textbooks have been going missing…

… And are coming back with highlights and notes and shit.

He suspects a werewolf is to blame.

Derek and the Librarian by tabbytabbytabby

(1/1 I 1,855 I General)

Derek never goes to the library, instead preferring to buy his books. However, when he can’t find the next book in the series he’s reading at any of the local stores he’s forced to go to the local library. There he meets Stiles, the librarian. After that Derek finds himself going to the library more and more often just to see Stiles. Little does Derek know, Stiles is taking extra shifts at the library in hopes of seeing Derek.

Come On Down by captaintinymite (augopher)

(1/1 I 2,215 I General)

Stiles has been working to complete the unfinished items on his mother’s bucket list for a while now. He’s down to the last two items on her list of twenty-five: Appear on the Price is Right and See Stiles meet that special someone.

He’s got the first one of those in the bag when he hears those famed words, “…come on down! You’re the next contestant on The Price is Right.” Little did he know, he’d manage to complete the second one too.

and that’s a wrap by the_problem_with_stardust

(2/2 I 4,120 I Teen)

An insanely attractive guy and his terrifying dog move into the Preserve. Too bad Stiles is a magnet for embarrassing situations.

He Blinded Me With Library Science by mklutz

(1/1 I 6,575 I Explicit)

Stiles blinks. “Right, the reading room. Do you have your, uh …library card?” he asks. He’s never been able to make that sound normal and not vaguely dirty when he actually means wand.

You Say That You Care by Nirvana

(7/8 I 10,316 I Mature I MCD)

Derek Hale is the son of Lawyer Talia Hale and Architect James Hale. He is a famous Cage Fighter. At the age of twenty-two years old, Derek found the love of his life and his mate Stiles Stliniski. Derek sadly went to Costa Rica for a year. It was found out that he had a scandalous fling with Kate Argent. When Stiles found out he was devastated, he went on a retreat for three months to find himself. Upon coming back Stiles decided that he needed to be with Derek. His mother always said ’ try and love your mate through the good and bad.’ Derek was ecstatic, he and Stiles made love for three whole days.Three months went by before either of them realized Stiles was pregnant. When it was found out, Derek denied the child completely. When the six months went by and Charlie was born Stiles didn’t put Derek’s name on the birth certificate. Stiles forgave Derek two in a half months later and everything was fine until Charlie’s first birthday. Jennifer Blake showed up drunk. She  told everyone who would listen about how she’d been sleeping with Derek before the pregnancy fiasco. She explained how she had aborted three of Derek’s children and he still kept coming back  At that moment, Stiles realized Derek Hale was Unconscionable.

Echo by reillyblack

(1/1 I 31,046 I Explicit)

A monster explodes all over Stiles one night while the pack is fighting it in the woods. Stiles passes out and wakes up to a reality where he and Derek are happily (and sappily) dating and living together. Is he viewing the future? …Or something else?

Anything to make you smile by Oywiththepoodlesalready

(8/8 I 38,313 I Teen)

In which Derek gets a new roommate whose best friend takes to practically living on their couch pretty quickly.
Which wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that said best friend is the same guy who’s been holding Derek’s table at the library hostage for the better part of a month.
And, oh yeah, there’s also this thing where Derek might maybe be the tiniest bit in love with him.
Easy peasy.

Inside This Place Is Warm by wolfcloaks

(20/20 I 40,057 I Explicit)

oming down; One love, two mouths

Stiles Stilinski:

-Senior at Berkley
-Double majoring in Human Biology and Biomedical Engineering
-Student Librarian
-Closet Artist
-Basket case extrodanaire
-Hopelessly crushing on Derek Hale (read as: pining)

Derek Hale:

-Grad Student at Berkley
-Philosophy Major
-Dog enthusiast
-Does not cry during The Notebook, fuck you,Laura
-Is definitely not pining over the librarian with the cute moles
-Would very much like to tell the librarian’s curly haired boyfriend to fuck off

Or

Where Derek and Stiles are complete dweebs in love and jump to horribly inaccurate conclusions

Or

When your meet-cute turns into a bit of an (light) angst fest but it’s all ok in the end

Things Left Unsaid by Dexterous_Sinistrous

(5/5 I 40,262 I Explicit)

Struggling with library patrons, being an uncle to Scott and Kira’s baby, being grossed out by his dad and Melissa’s adorable domesticity. Those were things Stiles could handle. What he couldn’t handle were his feelings for Derek Hale. Feelings he thought he squared away years ago, the night Derek left Beacon Hills for good–at least that’s what everyone thought.

But after dedicating a collection in the public library to the Hales, Stiles gets to reevaluate just how strongly a certain Hale can affect him. It doesn’t help that everyone knows to ignore talking about the night Derek left. The night Derek and Stiles left a mark on each other.

Now, they both have to struggle through being there for Scott and Kira, while trying not to kill each other. Through the shared tears and laughter, they both come to realize there are more than a few things they left unsaid.

The Company I Keep by secondstar

(19/19 I 67,551 I Explicit)

Stiles has a favorite table at the library. Then some asshole comes along and steals it from him.

It Makes You Stronger by Ems_Is_The_Name

(12/? I 71,180 I Explicit)

Meet Stiles a junior at a small California college. He’s a teacher’s assistant and a librarian. While on a mission to find someone to give a lecture he meets the young and rich Derek. The attraction between the two is electric and they can’t seem to stay away from each other. Derek is pretty experienced in the sexual field while Stiles is a virgin. Can he handle that? Follow along as Stiles finds out his limits in a way that causes him to lose Derek because talking is way to easy. When Derek re-enters his life things are different and so is Stiles. Come with them as they learn to trust each other and accept who the other is despite their flaws.

The Moon’s Gonna Follow Me Home by turningterrific

(2/2 I 82,866 I Explicit)

Derek doesn’t want to call the window repair guy. He doesn’t want to sweep up the glass. He’ll inevitably miss a few shards and pull them out of the bottom of his bare feet for weeks.

He doesn’t want to try to make this place feel like home when it isn’t.

Derek stayed in Beacon Hills and tried to make it work because he wanted pack, wanted purpose. He gave his best effort and found himself back where he started: alone, with a few begrudging allies. He’s tired, and even though his werewolf body heals quickly, he feels the weary ache down to his center.

He packs his car with the few things he cares about enough to drag them from place to place. He locks the loft and calls a realtor about listing the building he’d bought in a misguided attempt to secure a future.

And then he leaves.

anonymous asked:

♡: Accidentally falling asleep together with Wally west :0

Prompt: Accidentally falling asleep together with Wally West.

A/N: i recently discovered @tgwltw‘s blog and her writings made me realize how much i love Wally <3 shoutout to her and her amazing writings, you guys should check out her stuff if you have the chance x in other news, i’m so sorry this is so short !! 


You could visibly see the weariness behind Wally’s eyes as you approached his sagging figure. His green eyes had lost their sparkle and his usual flirtatious grin was wiped clean from his lips. You wrapped your arms around his waist allowing him to burrow his head into your shoulders and wrap his arms around your figure. Breathing in his scent—a mix of mint and coconut—you hugged him tighter as you missed his embrace. It wasn’t the first time he had a mission away from home, but instead it was his first mission away from you.

The two of you haven’t been together long before he was given this assignment. He left everything he’s ever known and his newfound relationship in an attempt to help stop evil. He was brave, one of the bravest people you have ever known and you were proud to know that he was willing to give up everything in the name of justice. But at times, you wished you could be at least a bit selfish. He was your boyfriend too, and as terrible as it sounded, you wished the world could pause for a second and let the two of you have a moment of peace together. Of course, you knew that the world did not work that way, which forced you to keep your turmoil internalized. However, all of your grievances were soon forgotten the moment he stepped through the door.

He pressed his lips against yours and this kiss reminded him of home. After all, home was where the heart is and clearly his heart belonged with you. His lips were familiar yet foreign to you, and you enjoyed every second of it. He pulled away, but instead of pulling away completely, he began to press sloppy and lazy kisses down your neck. You wrapped your arms around his neck, attempting to pull him closer to your body then he already was, as he continued to nibble at the supple skin on your neck. Your hands begin to tangle themselves in his hair, gripping it as if it was your lifeline. Immediately, you weren’t opposed to taking it to the bedroom, but as soon as you could even suggest that idea to Wally his kisses suddenly stopped.

“You’re such a tease you know that, West,” your voice was dripping with sarcasm, opening your eyes and looking at your boyfriend slouched on top of you. Upon further inspection, you came to the conclusion that he had actually and truly fallen asleep on top of you. You couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, gently pushing him up and slipping out from underneath. He wasn’t even startled by your movements, instead remaining as blissful as ever.

Before you left the room, you took a blanket and wrapped it around him, making sure that he was perfectly warm and comfortable. You pressed a small kiss on his forehead, before flicking off the light—allowing your hero some much deserved rest.

I hate being in a relationship

I miss being alone. I miss feeling lonely. I miss myself.

You know what, being in a relationship sucks. You think having a boyfriend is fun? Romantic? Oh, it’s more like ‘stupid’. Why the hell do you need to tell him everything you do when you don’t even have any idea about anything he does? Why on Earth would you stay calm just because you’re a girl and that you need to have patience when he’s out of control? Why overthink while he’s just having fun? Why get sad when he’s sleeping or watching TV instead of cuddling with you? Why get jealous when he’s with his “friends” or when he’s checking out a pretty girl out there at the counter while you’re actually there beside him? Petty things, but you’re deeply affected. Bullshit. I hate being in a relationship.

So I was writing this draft with tears and anger. My fingers were uncontrollable, typing those words my heart felt. I didn’t even bother to re-read or check, I just typed. And then he sent me this message-

Keep reading

TalesFromTheFrontDesk: Random guy just came in and made drug deals on Facebook via the business center computer

So I’m working my normal 3-11, and suddenly, a shady looking dude comes in and heads straight to the business center. The business center is right by the entrance, and he seemed to not want to be seen. I approached him to see what was up.

FD: Sir, are you a guest here?

GUY: I’m with a guest here. (this was obviously bullshit)

he then told me he just was checking his facebook real quick. I probably should have kicked him out, but I was slow, and had worked 10 days straight, and really didn’t wanna get into an altercation with this guy. SO i just told him OK, and made sure to keep a close eye on him.

He ends up sitting there for like, an hour, and then finally leaves. As soon as he leaves, I go over to the computer he was using. His facebook is left up, and his inbox is full of recent messages from people looking to buy/sell hard drugs. What, if anything, should I do??

By: dawctorj

Like

Reader x Nakajima Yuto

Post-Breakup

Word Count: 441

Your face filled Yuto’s phone screen as he scrolled through your Instagram account. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t do this, that he wouldn’t check up on you after the breakup because he didn’t want to know how you were doing. And yet here he was, scrolling through your most recent posts.

You had somehow gotten even more attractive. Maybe because you weren’t his anymore? Was he just missing you? Maybe. But you looked happy. Out with your friends, having lunch with your family, posing with some guy.

Yuto tried to ignore the pang of jealousy he felt in his chest at the sight of you with your arms wrapped around another guy, him smiling down at you with an all too familiar expression on his face. It was the same way that Yuto had looked at you when the two of you dated. An expression full of care and adoration.

Looking at how you had tagged the picture, Yuto recognized the guy’s username. It was the same one that had appeared in the likes on all your other photos, the same one who had commented on the more recent ones about how good you looked or how much he couldn’t wait to see you.

It was obvious what was going on but thinking about it still burned Yuto up inside. You were already seeing someone else and, even worse, you looked happy. It wasn’t that he wanted you to be sad. Despite the breakup, Yuto wanted nothing but good things for you. There was just a part of him that had hoped he could be a part of those good things. And seeing you so happy with someone else just made it even more clear that there wouldn’t be any going back, that your breakup was final and that he, like you, should move on.

Refreshing his feed, Yuto saw that you had posted a new picture. You had moved into a new apartment and you looked so excited, sitting on the floor of your empty, soon to be furnished, living room. Even if his feelings were still a little hurt about your new boyfriend, he couldn’t help but smile looking at the photo. His thumb moved towards the like button, scrolled through his feed some more, moved back towards the like button, refreshed the feed one more time, and then settled on the home button, closing out of Instagram.

He would get around to unfollowing you eventually. For now, he would settle for not liking the picture, for not letting you know that there were times like these where he couldn’t help but let you cross his mind.

anonymous asked:

Hi~ umm i don't want to bother you (so please feel free to ignore me ;; ) but I'd like to know... do you have any favourite videos of chanyeol? I love him so much and I could use something to cheer me up ;;♡

hello boo~!! no no, you are not bothering me at all, please don’t think thath ; u ; why would i ignore such a sweet person like yourself? ;; and yes i do! i have tons of them! this took me so much time to answer, because i couldn’t find some of the videos;; i’m sorry for that, but here is a small list of my favs ; u ; i think i replied to a smiliar ask tho, if you want to check it out -> here;

Auto-Complete

So, our last voice project got a crazy good response and @lightsintheskye seemed really happy with our work, SO! WE DECIDED TO DO ANOTHER FOR FUN. This one was a little more difficult to complete, but it was worth the work! Hope you enjoy!

Warning: Gets a little loud at times and contains swearing, however, its best heard with headphones!

Voices: @taidatenshi as all Toon Links, @goat-boi-dubs as Ocarina of Time!Link and Breath of the Wild!Link, @vowgan as Twilight Princess!Link, and now introducing @actornoj as Skyward Sword!Link and A Link To The Past!Link!

Comic by: Lightsintheskye

Music Used: Aboda Village music from the Spirit Tracks Soundtrack

2

There are no actual jazz chickens in Eddie Izzard’s new Believe Me: A Memoir of Love, Death and Jazz Chickens. But there’s plenty of insight into what makes the beloved comedian tick – he credits coming out as transgender in 1985 for giving him the confidence to build his career.

Check out his conversation with NPR’s Kelly McEvers here.

– Petra

OKAY ALSO WE HAVE TO INCLUDE THIS BECAUSE REALLY HOW COULD WE NOT. 

Ah! Ah!  You said death! I heard you!

Langst but not really

I’ve read lots of fics about an alien leader being mean to Lance and then he just spits out all of his insecurities and the team is there to say “Oh Lance, you’re so important, we love you!” And that’s good and all.
But imagine:
An alien leader is mean to Lance but Lance does not lower his head. He just stares right into the aliens eyes, serious expression on.
“I don’t quite see the qualities of a blue paladin on you” the leader says.
The team doesn’t even get a chance to respond before Lance starts speaking.
“Then maybe you should have your eyes checked, sir. Be more grateful for the people who risk their lives for your safety”
Why? Because, although Lance is used to being called out, he knows when he really messes up but and will not let other people treat him like everything he does is bad.

He knows his place and even if he isn’t on the highest position he knows he’s good.

anonymous asked:

Prompt: Game 7 of PVD vs. SEA

“I’m gonna propose,” Jack huffs through red-stained teeth and a cut lip. “right here.”

“Now?” Eric asks, throwing off his gloves to push off his helmet.

“Right now,” Jack nods, “but only if you want to.”

“But you lost.” The music is deafening and out of the corner of his eye, Eric can see Cricket grinning like a loon before a swarm of reporters and several cameras.

“And you won,” Jack counters, tossing off his own gloves to cup Bitty’s face. “And you have no idea how proud of you I am. Six years ago you’d pass out if you got hit. Tonight you ran me into the boards. Twice!”

“Cause you were being an asshole, Sweetpea.”

“And it was great, but you know who helped you through that? I did,” Jack grins. “Checked you so many times you forgot you hated me. So it’s kinda like I won too, you know? I won because I get to see you fearless.”

Eric grabs a handful of Jack’s jersey and pulls him down into a kiss, heedless of the flashing lights and screaming spectators. When they separate Jack’s expression is dazed.

Another siren goes off and Jack shouts, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you!”

“Me too!” Bitty yells, fighting tears of exhaustion and happiness.

“Great. Let’s get married! But not here. Later. I love you.” Jack cradles Eric’s sweaty face and peppers kisses across his cheek.

“Wait,” Eric protests, finding Sorenson’s blond head a short way away. “What about right now? Our backup is ordained.”

Jack stares at Eric and grins like he hasn’t just lost Game 7 of the finals. Like Eric isn’t about to hoist the cup. Like they didn’t just out themselves on national television.

“Yeah?” he breathes, pulling Eric into a hug. “Sounds good. Let’s do it.”

A rare snake-related post by me-

I have had Vision, a dwarf BCI and my youngest snake, for roughly 9 months now. He will be a year old in July, so by snake standards he is still very much a baby. In the past 9 months, he’s gone from, for lack of better words, a bitey defensive asshole to a relatively passive and trusting creature who simply has Rules ™ on how, where, and when he can be touched. I used the same method to produce these results as I do with all of my reptiles, including my young snake of a notoriously aggressive and defensive species (Amazon Tree Boas) and have frequently been asked how I manage to get these animals that instinctively bite first and ask questions never to allow handling and pictures without drawing blood.

On my dog blog I’ve mentioned the concept of body autonomy a few times in relation to training dogs, and how it crosses over into husbandry in other species. In these posts I’ve detailed how I tame the larger birds at my job, how I teach my snakes not to bite me when I take them out, how I can successfully convince a thrashing dog to accept grooming without a fuss, how I teach cats to not turn into screaming demons for nail trims, and more. I also cover this in many of my dog training lectures at work as my students teach their dogs to allow grooming, nail trims, and medically related handling to prevent injuries and incidents when interacting with these animals. All of this relates back to body autonomy, and how we as humans have consistently ignored other species’ instinctive need to be autonomous.

I am no master animal trainer and do not play one on TV. I train pet dogs and service dogs and have begun to venture into competition, at one point I specialized in rehabbing aggressive and reactive dogs. I have trained various common pet animals in occasionally unconventional ways to do things that make life easier for the both of us, but I don’t claim to be anything special, because what I’m doing is not all that special. It is, however, uncommon for people to make these considerations with their pets and then they call in someone like me to fix a problem that didn’t need to start in the first place.

An example being: frequently on this website and others, the solution for convincing a biting snake not to bite you is to hold it still until it stops biting you. The snake will learn that biting you does not produce the desired result (you letting the snake go or putting it back in its cage) and thus will eventually stop biting you when you pick it up.

In the dog training world, we call this flooding and learned helplessness. It “works” because it produces what we wanted it to. The snake no longer bites when you pick it up. But it failed to address the root of the problem, and frequently if regular handling is not maintained the snake will return to biting you every time you touch it. The snake had learned that there was nothing it could do in order to make you stop doing what it didn’t like, and so had learned that it was helpless against the much larger human. The snake in this situation still doesn’t really want to be handled, it is merely tolerating it because it sees no other option.

While snakes have a much more primitive brain than dogs and thus a much more limited scope of emotions, aggression and violence are always expensive measures to use and thus are frequently considered last resort measures to make an unpleasant situation stop. They are costly in body resources- they take large amounts of energy, stress, and time to resolve, and wounds obtained from violence can become deadly with infection or severity. As a result, a bite should always indicate that whatever you are doing is so unpleasant to the animal you’re doing it to that they’re willing to risk their life in order to make you stop. The common pet snake knows it cannot win against an animal as large as a human. It is hoping you have not come to the same realization, and will not call its bluff.

This creates a problem. Like with dogs, backing off from a situation that is required after a bite will teach the snake that all they have to do to get you to leave them alone is to bite you. If I need to trim my dog’s nails, give him a bath, brush him, or have him examined by a vet, sure I could put him in a muzzle and force him to do it anyway, but it is counter-intuitive to teach him that all he has to do is bite me in order to get out of doing those things he may consider unpleasant. I need to be able to handle my snakes. This is not negotiable, just like the above things I do with my dogs are not negotiable. If I cannot handle them, I cannot check them for injury, disease, or distress. Backing off because my snake, or dog, has threatened to bite me is thus not a viable option. I must be able to complete the task, and the animal in question must let me.

Dogs, by comparison, are relatively easy to convince in this problem. I need to be able to do my dog’s nails. If I give him amazing treats on a good reward schedule, shower him with praise, listen to his body language to give him a chance to calm down and destress before pressing on, and remove my own negative emotions from the equation, he will learn to let me do his nails and even offer the position required for the task within a relatively short amount of time. He does not have to like having his nails done, but I can convince him to like he benefits he gets out of it. Cats and birds and small mammal pets like ferrets, rabbits, and rodents may be slower, but follow much the same way.

I can’t give a snake a treat. That’s not really how snake digestive systems work. I can’t give them a toy. I can’t give them praise. The subtleties of snake body language are much harder to read due to a lack of eyelids, ears, and limbs. Dogs, cats, birds, ferrets, all of these are social creatures that practice social bonding and feel an emotion similar to love (in the dog’s case, actually do feel love). Snakes are not social creatures and their brain is not capable of producing the chemicals involved in the emotion we call love. I cannot convince a snake to love me or to like being handled. That is not something their biology is able to do. Does that mean I have to rely on flooding and learned helplessness in order to get them to let me handle them?

I keep stressy species. While all reptiles are more than capable of stressing themselves to death, my current list of exotic pets includes a special needs ball python with a severe neurological condition, a brazilian rainbow boa specifically purchased from someone who breeds minimally stressy snakes because he got tired of the species’ reputation for being bitey assholes, and a dwarf bci locality (read: like a subspecies, but not different enough to get their own scientific name) known for being defensive bitey assholes. Previously, I had a special needs corn snake that was a defensive bitey asshole, an amazon tree boa that was remarkably handleable despite the species’ reputation for being aggressive and defensive bitey angry assholes, and a few foster ball pythons that came from neglect situations and had never been handled before leading to them being defensive bitey assholes. Stress is common in situations where aggression or violence is utilized, even if it is being utilized by the animal and not the human. If the stress from moving can kill my beloved ATB Hydra, why would I intentionally expose him to situations where he would feel required to use violence again and again until he learned that that was not a way out of the situation?

I did not flood my snakes. I hold them. They do not bite me. It has been a long time since any of them have even struck at me, and the majority of the bites and strikes I have received have been from when I was learning the snake in front of me or from me intentionally ignoring their body language and handling them a way I knew they didn’t like for whatever reason. Snakes do not bite without cause. Whether you, a human, can see that cause or not, snakes do not bite because they are vindictive or mean. As said, their brains are far too primitive to feel such complex emotions. Even wild snakes do not bite without provocation- whether you intentionally provoked them or not does not matter, simply whether they felt provoked enough to need to defend themselves possibly with their lives.

Vision came to me unsure of my intentions and of whether I could be considered safe. He certainly didn’t believe I should be picking him up. At two months old, the world is a scary place to a baby snake where nearly everything is bigger than you and nearly everything wants to kill or eat you. I do not blame him for doubting the warm giant cooing over him with grabby hands. To him, I’m sure I am some baffling mixture of hawk, bear, and wild canine. All of these things readily kill and eat snakes, all of these things may be persuaded to not kill and eat this particular snake if he bites them.

Instead of picking him up and allowing him to spend precious resources stressing himself to the point of repeatedly biting me- which hurts, by the way, so I don’t really want to be bitten any more than I need to be- I allowed him to show me things about him. I let him show me what he does when he’s nervous, when he doesn’t want to be bothered. I let him show me what he does when he’s curious and feels like investigating what’s in front of him. I let him show me how he does and does not like to be touched. Like many snakes, he seems to enjoy being scratched lightly under the chin. Like many snakes, he doesn’t seem to appreciate being tickled on the stomach. He prefers to create a “foot” about 2/3 down his body and use it as an anchored perch when exploring my hands. He does not want his tail to be touched. When he is nervous or unsure of potential danger, he will retract and coil himself into a loose ball. If pressed before he recovers, he will “expand” the “ball” quickly and vocalize. If he continues to be pressured, he will threaten to bite and will begin to try. If he is allowed to relax, he will recreate his “foot” and resume quietly investigating his surroundings.

Today, I took the lid off of his enclosure and lifted him out without a fuss. While this is not a first- we accomplished this task about 4 weeks in- only in the past few weeks has he not immediately retracted into his loose ball and required me to wait a few minutes for him to relax before touching him. Instead, he immediately made his “foot” and began to investigate, leaned against my finger as I scratched his chin, and maintained his confidence throughout the time I handled him. Sure, I could possibly get a similar result through the first method of flooding and teaching him that he is helpless against me, but I don’t need to. I can get a confident content snake that is not only tolerating my handling but also showing curiosity and intelligence without forcing him to accept my hands as things he has to deal with in his life.

The people espousing these methods always ask me how I managed to take such nice, interesting pictures of Hydra without bleeding- or joke about how much blood they think I lost inbetween shots- and are always surprised when I tell them that I don’t get bit because I understand a snake’s need for autonomy and allow the snake to tell me their “rules” for being touched and then follow those rules or understand if I break them I will get bit. As a result, I don’t break their rules unless I have to, and thus I don’t get bit unless I have to. This allows me to handle and investigate my snakes, look in their mouths, check their vents and between their scales, touch their heads, and rescue them from fluke accidents such as Quetzal’s injury with his decor without the snake taking their frustrations out on me. It also allows me to take some pretty pictures of them outside or on props without worrying how I will retrieve them without being bitten when I’m done. 

2

Top left photo courtesy Lee Towndrow/Little, Brown and Company

On his first day in the seventh grade, Sherman Alexie opened up his school-assigned math book and found his mother’s maiden name written in it. “I was looking at a 30-year-old math book,” he says — and that was the moment he knew that he needed to leave his home.

Alexie grew up on the Spokane Indian Reservation in the state of Washington. His mother was one of the few people who could still speak the native language, but she didn’t teach it to him. In his new memoir, You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me, he describes growing up surrounded by poverty, alcoholism and violence.

Check out his conversation with Fresh Air’s Terry Gross here.

– Petra

3

With all these attacks you shouldn’t be out on your own.
—  Well, I’m not on my own, I’m here with you, High Warlock of Brooklyn.