you have some red on you

- are you going to eat this?

a/n : so i took a stab at a jughead one shot, which was surprisingly challenging because his character is so interesting and hard to get right. but hey, have some drabble that i’ve managed to spew into some writing.

word count : 974 

{jughead x reader}

Originally posted by noahsweetwne

Disappointment. That’s all you seemed to ever feel. That nauseous drop in your stomach, an inconsolable hole. But you were used to it, you’d been let down your whole life. Your dad leaving when you were just eight years old; your mother becoming a work-consumed robot, incapable of showing human emotion to her daughter; and your brother just being a down right dick. A trait he had once again managed to show tonight.

You sat in the retro red booth of Pop’s, a chocolate shake sat in front of you. You swirled the straw around the tall glass before taking another sip. You were waiting for your brother to show. You wanted nothing more than to see him but apparently he didn’t feel the same way. As much as you didn’t want to admit it you knew he wasn’t coming. You’d been sat with false hope for about an hour now, simply watching the people that entered and exited the diner. You saw your friend Archie Andrews enter the shop earlier to pick up and order. You two weren’t best friends but you were his lab partner. He gave you a smile which you returned with a fake one, although he didn’t pick up on your facade.

“On the house” you heard a voice from beside you as a basket on onion rings was placed on your table. You cast your eyes up to familiar face of Pop. He gave you a pitiful smile as he wiped his hands on his apron. You gave him a grateful smile. “Didn’t show again?” He questioned despite already knowing the answer. This wasn’t the first time your brother had stood you up, and you’d managed to admit yourself that it most likely wasn’t the last. You let out a sigh.

“More onion rings for me right?” you joked, your sardonic humour presenting itself earning yourself a look of pity off Pop. You picked one up and shoved it in your mouth, silently praying the conversation would end. You appreciated Pop’s charity but you hated people feeling sorry for you.

“Just let me know if you need anything” He offered, motioning to your almost empty chocolate shake. You followed his gaze and picked up the glass and passing it to him with a sheepish smile. He took the glass from your grip and smiled, walking off to top it up. You relaxed back into the booth again, your eyes landing on the basket of food in front of you. However, the pang of frustration managed to put you off as you edged them further away from you across the table. You ran your hand through you dark hair, another sigh of melancholy escaping your lips. Just another night at Pop’s alone after being stood up by Dean the dick you thought. Pop returned with your shake and placed it on the table, leaving you with your thoughts. Before your mind could crawl any further into the dark hole of depression and angst someone slid into the other side of the booth.

“Are you going to eat this?” he inquired, your basket of onion rings now sat in front of him. You shook your head silently, as he popped one in his mouth. Who was this boy? His eyes were slightly sunken, a dark shade visible underneath them. He had dark unruly curls that poked out from the front of his dark beanie. His small pink lips moving slightly as he consumed your food. You stared at him as he ate, taking in his features.

“Do you always stare at people when the eat their food?” He questioned catching your gaze; your cheeks reddened slightly. His tone was serious, put the playfulness in his eyes was evident enough for you to make a comeback.

“Well technically it’s my food” You retorted with a smirk. He stopped chewing for a second and stared at you, his dark eyes boring into yours.

“Touché” He countered, picking up another onion ring. You sat in silence as he finished the basket and sighed with content. You snickered quietly as he cleaned his fingers on a napkin. “So” he started, pushing the basket aside and leaning forwards. You did the same, placing your hands on the table. “Why have you been sat alone until now looking like humpty dumpty just fell off the wall… for the twenty fifth time?” He asked. You let out a laugh, your lips twisting into a playful smirk.

“How did you know i love Humpty Dumpty so much?” You sassed. He rolled his eyes playfully and shrugged his shoulders. You sighed before responding. “My douchebag of a brother stood me up, again.” A look of pity flashed across his eyes, sparking your short-temper. He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off. “Anyway, i don’t know why i’m telling you this when i don’t even know your name,” you quipped, taking a sip of your shake.

“Jughead Jones, the third” he responded causing you to choke on your beverage. He inspected you factiously, as if waiting for you to respond with a witty comment. But you didn’t. You composed yourself and stuck your hand out. “Well, Jughead Jones the third, it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance” You said gallantly. He gladly accepted and took your hand in his.

“So, mysterious Humpty Dumpty lover” he started making himself comfortable on his side of the booth, wait laced in his tone. “Tell me more about yourself, how do you feel about Jack and Jill?” You let out a giggle, earning a grin from the boy opposite you. You may have only just met Jughead, but you were already thanking fate for throwing you both together as you sat in Riverdale’s famous chock’lit shoppe until the early hours of the morning, escaping your merciless realities together.

anonymous asked:

Child au where the boys have a nightmare and you come and comfort then instead of letting then deal with it by them selves??

Admin Mawile: (〃⌒∇⌒) Awwww~


-His nightmares are all about the same thing, and there’s really nothing you can do to bring Edgar back. He doesn’t understand why you want to try to help him over something so minor, and while he’s happy for the company, it still feels strange to have someone try to comfort him. 


-He hates to be seen in anything resembling “weakness”, and honestly expects to be punished for making trouble when you enter his room. You may not realize exactly why he’s so shaken, but the expectation of a beating has left him far more upset than just the dream. 


-He’s unlikely to admit to being disturbed by the dream, but the red face, sniffles, and glassy look in his eyes tells you everything you need to know. You’ll have to make some excuse as to why you’re staying with him, as he’ll insist he wasn’t having a bad dream. 


-He’s practically attached to your leg the moment you enter the room, sobbing and burying his face against your thigh. You can’t get him to talk though the tears, and Teddy is kept in a death grip at his chest. He’ll probably fall back asleep in your lap soon after. 


-Any signs of upset are covered up the instant he hears you coming, and he’s smiling by the time you get there, a faint redness around his eyes the only hint at his distress. He won’t admit to being bothered by any dream, and fakes just wanting to see you and have some company. 


-He’s reluctant to let you know how scared he was, but can’t stop sniffling long enough to tell you he’s fine. He winds up in your lap, still crying, and trying to stutter out that he doesn’t need you while simultaneously clinging to your shirt like he never wants to let go 


-He doesn’t like needing anyone’s help, but it’s rather difficult to deny the tear streaks and shaking hands the nightmare left him with. He’ll permit you to stay by his side, but only because he’s afraid of the stupid, emotional problem getting worse if he’s left alone. 


-When he hears someone coming, the memories of the people haunting his dreams take over. He’s hiding under the bed when you find him, one blank, terrified blue eye staring at you like you’re a demon. You’ll have to lay on the floor with him to coax him out. 


-He doesn’t have nightmares very often, but all of them are about the same thing. When he does dream about the same, mysterious fire, he doesn’t feel too bad about going to you for comfort. It’s not like you’d be offering if you were upset about it, and you both need to get back to sleep. 


-It’s rare that he even seems upset over a nightmare, just sitting the middle of his bed and staring off into space. He willingly accepts your comfort, but is visibly confused about what you’re trying to do. He honestly doesn’t understand why you’d feel the need to help him. 


-He fully expects to be punished for allowing himself to be affected by a mere dream, and is trying to keep his face calm and impassive, even as tears are still dripping down it. He has trouble believing that you only mean to help, and can’t quite calm down with the threat of pain so close. 


-The idea of you seeing him upset is horrifying, and he might try to hide under the bed to avoid you. He’s seen what happened to Carla when he cried over dreams, and he’s half expecting you to do the same thing. It makes him feel even worse, but he’s afraid to let you even come close. 

anonymous asked:

Ok a fives company question: what little quirks/habits do they all find cute ab each other?? (Also this fic kinda ruined me like now all I wanna read is poly!hamilsquad anD THERES NOT ENOUGH FICS!!!)

girl me too. i’m doing my best to supply for the poly ship but i am only one person. i can’t do it alone. 

i have so many but here’s just some major ones!


  • when he sews, makes this face. he gets really concentrated and he kind of bites his lip and furrows his eyebrows together and he just looks really cute. you all know it as The Look and you always tease him about it.
  • can fall asleep anywhere
  • carries around stain removers/mini sewing kits/first aid kits bc he cares too much about you all
  • he doesn’t just say “red” or “orange”. he’ll say, ”look at that scarlett blouse” or that “blood orange necklace.” he can never just say blue. he’ll say robin’s egg. it’s really cute to you all. he just knows a lot of colors.


  • has a habit of mumbling out loud when he’s writing. sometimes he mumbles sentences in his sleep. it’s cute. he corrects himself until he falls asleep. 
  • talks a lot during movies. mostly cracks jokes but when he starts to question the accuracy of the movie, you gotta tell him to shhhhh.
  • most likely to correct your grammar mid-sentence. it’s out of love. he just really pays attention to words and is not at all trying to belittle you at all!
    • “i just felt so nauseous -” 
    • “you mean nauseated.” 
    • yeah, nauseated. so i asked if i could go home early.”


  • taps his pencil a lot along the desk when he’s thinking. usually, herc can make a song out of whatever beat he’s making. (herc is your resident freestyler.) 
  • if it’s incessant, that’s how you know he’s very stressed. usually you hold his hand so he can calm down a little.
  • when he doodles, he hums. sometimes laf hums with him.


  • when he was first learning english, he would sometimes mix up idioms/sayings. it’s so precious though. 
    • example! phrases like “she has a green thumb” confused him.
    • you: “yeah! eliza gardens in new york! isn’t that amazing? she has a green thumb” 
    • laf, looking at you with concern: “do you have one too, mon cher?”
    • you, giggling: “no! no! it’s an expression, gil!” 
  • from my fic you know when laf first wakes up, he’s usually stuck in french. that’s why he prefers to get ready with alexander. it just makes it easier. 

all four boys sing in the shower. it’s very cute and makes mornings more fun.

Hurts Like Crazy: Jerome Valeska x Reader (Fluff)

So I got a request that asked: “It crossed my mind that Jerome’s face is probably really sore because of all the staples. I was wondering if you could do a imagine where Jerome and the reader are just relaxing at home in their pajamas and he like groans in pain or something because of his face and his SO the reader proceeds to straddle him and lightly kiss the staples on his face as she cradles his face in her tiny hands and they have a little moment, maybe a joke here and there. Also sorry about my English 😊”

This story only contains swearing, enjoy! Takes place during Season 3. I got some of these jokes off the internet.


Jerome sauntered into the living room with his red robe he had retrieved from a resale shop, while also his striped pajamas underneath.You had taken them from Galavan’s apartment when he died. You couldn’t find the robe, but you’re glad he found it. You were wearing pajama pants and a sleep shirt. Jumping over the couch to sit next to you he clapped his hands,
“What are we watching?”
“You can pick, I got all the horror movies on the table right here.”
He gasped in awe, “Aw, you kept my movies!”
“Why wouldn’t I? I like horror too Jerome.”
“Oh right, sorry. The good old noggin still doesn’t remember a few things.”

When he took back his face from Dwight and stapled it back, his task was to find you, and he did. It wasn’t that hard because he had almost ran you over when he fled the exploding building that Dwight was in. You yelled at him for that and cried your eyes out, but the two of you ending up kissed each other and headed back to your apartment.
“How about we watch Rosemary’s Baby?”
“Jerome, you picked my favorite. Seriously, you can pick anything.”
“It is? I thought you liked Saw?”
You barfed in your mouth when he said that, and he chuckled, “You never liked it? After how many times did we watch it? What was it, over twenty times?”
“I thought you liked it?” You gagged.
“Not really.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“No, I’m being very serious.” He told you as he made a fish face, causing you to giggle.
“Just put the DVD in you goof!”

The two of you hugged each other as you watched the movie. It was nice feeling his chest against your head again. “Hey, wanna hear some jokes?” Jerome whispered in your ear.
“Okay, go for it.”
“Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.” Jerome snickered, causing you to cackle. “I bet Greenwood is rotting in his grave when you told that joke!”
He laughs louder, “Oh shit you’re right!”
“Do another one!”
“I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction!” He giggled the last part.

He kept telling jokes through the entire movie, making you uncontrollably howl.
Eventually he began to rub his face with his hand, groaning in pain.
Furrowing your eyebrows you asked, “What’s wrong Jerome?”
“It’s nothing gorgeous, want me to tell you another joke?” He grinned, and you frowned.
Straddling his lap, you cupped his face in your hands and kissed him.
Going away from his lips you rasped, “Is it the staples? I told I could’ve sewn it back on you know.”

He huffed before saying, “I know, I just look…cooler.”
“Is that even a word?” You giggled as you kissed his face all over. Hoping it would take his mind off the pain. “I don’t know, and stop it.”
“Stop what?” You teased as you began to kiss his neck, before sucking lightly.
His hands gripped your waist as he growled, “(Y/n), stop it. Or else…”
“Or else what?” You smirked before he began to tickle your stomach, causing you to laugh.
“I’ll tickle you to death!”
“Jerome! S-Stopff! Bahaha!”

When he had stopped tickling you, he intertwined his hands in yours before whispering,
“Thank you.”
“Your Welcome.” You kissed his lips.
The two of noticed that it was the end credits and you whined, “Aw, you didn’t get to watch the movie.”
“It’s fine. I like you more than anything. I love you.” He confessed, and you gasped.
“I love you too!” You hugged him happily as he laughed, “I know I never really said that but I’ll say it more often.”

Making a small yawn, you stretched your arms before closing your eyes, “You better.”
“Aw, are you tired?”
Carrying you in his arms, he tucked the two of you in bed, hugging you from behind as he caressed your hair before falling asleep as well.

I have an announcement to make~

Does your dash feel empty? Not enough fics or shitposts to keep you entertained as you scroll through this desert of blue??

Well, look no further!!

@shiros-eyes has all your wants and needs.

Fics that make your heart hurt

shitposts that will have you laughing for days

Seriously, follow red. Shes amazing, A+ and 100/10 friend. Like she wrote me a puppy fic??? and I died????

If yall dont follow red, you are missing out on some gold.

anonymous asked:

top 5 grell quotes from manga

I had to go back and read these. I’ve failed you. I stopped at Chapter 61 because it’s late and I have educations tomorrow.

1. “You shouldn’t be so rough on a maiden’s first night… If you ram such a BIIIG thing into her, she will… break ~” - Chapter 55 

2. (To Ronald) “You know, I’d rather do it with a more handsome guy than some brat like you.” - Chapter 56 

3. “I’ll paint him red right away.” - Chapter 59

4. “That’s rude! I’m just honest about my feelings.” - Chapter 57

5.”My, quite a handsome one aren’t you.” - Chapter 58

Honourable Mentions:

- “Even though a handsome man as a dog is also quite nice.” - Chapter 9
- “Hey, you, make that thing work already.” - Chapter 59
- (With Ciel, Sebastian, and Ronald) “Let’s kill him.” - Chapter 59
- “What a useless farce.” - Chapter 59


Well, tried ‘Garm Struggle’.

The main gameplay is divided into ‘story’ and ‘quest’. ‘Story’ is well just stories where some of the lines are voiced. Not quite sure what the main story is about actually… Something about some guy trying to destroy the world while you’re this ordinary high school girl whose parents are dead and you live with your uncle. The boy with short red hair, Mao, is your childhood friend. The one with blue hair, Sotaroh, is your classmate and you’ve been having strange dreams recently… That’s as far as I got.

The ‘quest’ is a series of puzzle battles where you have to link bubbles of the same colour to attack. All 5 of the characters are automatically part of your team. You can’t remove any of them and can only change their positions or who to set as the leader. You can equip different costumes and accessories on them.

There are 2 gachas - card and costume/accessory. Looks like the cards are just for getting special stories and do not affect your battle team.

Anyway, I guess it’s alright but the artwork isn’t really my style and not really interested in any of the characters… so I don’t think I’ll be keeping it.

I was tagged by @lizziethereader, thank you so much! :D

Rules: tag 9 people who you would like know better.

Relationship status: Taken 
Last song I listened to: Here with Me 
Last book read/listened to: “A Street Cat Named Bob: How One Man and His Cat Found Hope on the Streets” and it was quite a good one actually, I really like reading stories like that.
Favorite color: Grey, black, dark, wine red
Top three shows: “Shadowhunters” and “Outlander”, I really don’t watch many shows.
Top three characters: Magnus Bane, Rosalind, Portia (I don’t really have top favourite characters, so I just took 3 from my long list)
Top three ships: Wessa, Malec, BeatricexBenedick (It honestly changes every time I’m asked)

Sooo I have to tag 9 people, huh? Assuming you all don’t hate me already for everything I tag you in (some of you do): @lucifer-says-hii, @gun-under-petticoat (you two I know pretty well already, but just for the sake of it ;p) @slythaerinss, @flourishandblotted, @every-story-is-worth-being-told, @messofawriter, @britishboysandbooks, @myelephantlikescinnamon, @the-quote-books

SSS - Lady In Red

Here’s a glimpse into the first part of Lady In Red, it’s unbeta’d and subject to change of course.  A snippet from this story was posted to @loveinpanem as part of the Valentines Day writing prompt. 

“It’s a masquerade ball Katniss.  You’ll be wearing a mask; no one even has to know you’re there, it’s not like anyone who’d attend will know you anyway…aaaaand it’s a weekend cruise.” Madge’s face takes on a wistful expression.  “We really did have fun last year – it was a great girl’s weekend.” Madge says, glancing back over at Johanna.  

Johanna nods with a resigned sigh. “It was fun, Kat…free booze, free room…oh, and the food was to die for.”

“Oh yeah, me and Delly absolutely gorged ourselves the next day.  Everywhere you turned there was another specialty buffet.  It’s all you can eat or drink until you disembark on Sunday.”  Katniss had to admit that a weekend of free food and drinks was starting to appeal to her.  

“I really need your help…please, Katniss…please…please…pleeeaaase…plus, you sort of owe Delly.”

Shit!  She knew Madge was gonna play that damn card. “Okay, I’ll do this on one condition,” Katniss says with a defeated sigh.  

“Anything you say Kat, I swear!”

“You two can’t abandon me and go running off with some gentleman,” Katniss says, using air quotes and an eye role to emphasize the word gentleman.

anonymous asked:

if you receive a red, pink, white, yellow and black rose... who would you think have sent you each rose?

“Obviously some people that don´t know I am not into floral stuf….”

//come on Tryn Play along

“Fine but you need to find every meaning of those!”


Pink Rose: “hmm… Anni ( @the-hastur-house ) I guess, she too inocent to have any malice… at least towards me or Luxana Crownguard” ( @luxanna-banana @luxthecrownguard )

Yellow Rose: Taric would seems the guy who would make this gif” ( @gemknighttaric ) “but I would have my reservations… this is a tricky rose… Luna would send me one or two” ( @flametales )

Red Rose: “Oh man the list is long..”

//Don´t be cocky, pick one

“Fine… it could problably be (Old) Aurora( @fire-dancer-aurora) or Inku ( @inkuqu, they are the ones I feel more close…”

White Rose: The barbarian held the delicate flower, it looks so diminute compare whit his hand but he know how to hold it and it doesn´t crumble between his fingers.. his lips finally part just to say a word “a… Ashe…”
@decorum-avarosan @ashe-avarosa @frozen-ashe  @sona-and-friends

Blue Rose: “This one would be coming from Braum no doubt, always telling me to chill or Scarlet.. IF SHE EVER TRY TO APOLOGIZE!!! @scarlet-jester

Orange Roses: “The ones whit the flame would came from Shyvana to remaind me she is watching me from above… if sending roses was her thing” @a-dragon-named-shyvana

Balck Roses: “There is only one being so twisted enoug to send me this kind of gift… the only creature that know how to hurt me in the deepest part of my being…” His hand close around the floral bud making the petals rain over as his eyes ignite whit undiying hate “The Darkin” @thedarkin-blade

“Lulu would send me Roses too but I don´t think they would have one single color… or form… or be actually roses….” @khazixslulu

Some fractured fairy tale ideas...

- Cinderella went to the ball to kill the prince.

- “All hail Alice, the Queen of Hearts.”

- Rapunzel is the witch’s illegitimate daughter, and she is being kept safe from a king who would have her killed on sight.

- The Little Match Girl is a now phantom luring people to their deaths.

- Little Red Riding Hood is a werewolf.

- “So… You’re the Pied Piper, eh? I thought you’d be taller.”

- Princess Snow White and the evil Snow Queen? One and the same.

- “If you value your life, my life, the lives of everyone in this city… you won’t wake the sleeping princess.”

- The land of the Twelve Dancing Princesses is falling apart at the seams, and the rest of reality with it.

- A witch who made some bad decisions in her youth is forced to adopt and raise a child.

- After Jack the Giant Killer ruthlessly murdered their king and threw their world into turmoil and war, the inhabitants of the Sky Kingdom must rebuild their lives.

- “What… what is it?”
“A firebird – the last of her kind.”

Lipstick Magick

Wine red/Maroon/Crimson: Powerful words, strength, queen/king-like beauty and power, cursing. Wear when you want to put a bite into your words.

Poppy Red/Scarlet/Bright Reds: Love, playfulness, draw attention, courage. Enchant these colors for when you have to give a presentation, or for love spells.

Rose Pink/Lighter Shades: Friendship, Love, peace. Enchant for maybe going out with friends, setting a dispute, etc.

Peach: (My personal favorite) Use this color in beauty and confidence spells, or anything requiring some bravery and/or emotional strength.

Purples/Violet/You get the Idea: Love, astral realm, psychic abilities, intelligence. Ladies- if you are like me and deal with men who frequently claim you are less intelligent because you are a woman, enchant a purple color.

Reddish-Brown: deceit. Idk how or why you would use this but its a common color so.

Black: protection, the otherworld, litterally anything you want really.

My Return Giveaway!

Alrighty! So it’s been a few months. I went through a really rough time for a bit, but now I’m back, for good. I missed you guys.

During my absence, some of you were extremely generous when you heard my situation and gave me way too much. Now it’s time to pay it forward!

The Goods:

3 Prizes up for grabs! There will be 3 separate winners.

  • One (1) of the new onsies available on the store!

(You can get any of them, doesn’t have to be the one pictured below)

  • One (1) copy of the Million Dollars, But… card game!

  • One (1) of the microplush blankets, your choice!

(You can get any of them, doesn’t have to be the one pictured below)

The Guidelines:

  • You must be following me. This is supposed to be a giveaway for those of you who have been with me through the hard times, but I’ll welcome anyone new too! I post stuff from within the Rooster Teeth family, and the occasional funny thing.

  • I ship internationally! Don’t fret, fellow Canadians or friends in Australia or whatever. I’ll get it to you somehow :)

  • Reblogs count as an entry. Sideblogs aren’t allowed to avoid cheating and entry bloating, UNLESS THEY ARE ROOSTER-TEETH RELATED AND OVER 2 MONTHS OLD. I understand that some of you seperate your main blog from your Rooster Teeth stuff, so that’s alright.

  • You can reblog it as much as you want! Be courteous to your followers though, please.

  • The giveaway will end on New Year’s Eve, at 11:59:59 PM EST.

Best of luck to everyone! I’m happy to be back :)


Good Pokémon Edit® Edit Starter™ Starter Pack Expansion: Cute Bits

Last time the collection elicited scary fire bone creatures that gave me nightmares, so I wanted to come up with a pack that would have cuter things. The very exciting Pokémon Cute Bits expansion pack comes with even more parts than you could ever imagine:

  • Jigglypuff eyeball
  • Wigglytuff flupik
  • Slowbro mouth
  • Chansey egg sac
  • Togepi feet and body triangle
  • Dedenne mouth and ears
  • Marill face, tail ball, tail tail, inner ear, and arm
  • Primarina starfish
  • Lickitung tongue and fingernail
  • Bellossom blossom
  • Caterpie eyebrows
  • Tangrowth arm
  • Torracat paws
  • Cobalion feet
  • Smoochum lips
  • Ditto body and mouth
  • Jangmo-o scale
  • Morelull body
  • Squirtle limbs and tail

As always, I’ve gotten the ball rolling with a creation I call Skullycat. It’s a fat cat whose face has been melted off and is now a skull that has like some kind of bony hair growing out of it or something. All the red spots you see on Skullycat are blood. Clearly I’ve followed my own instruction of making something cute and not at all scary. I hope you have even more success than I did!

Youtube Rewind: It’s time to look back on the best parts of youtube during 2016
  1. That one guy who goes on two hour rants about political shit and keeps showing up in your recommendations no matter how many times you tell youtube that you don’t want to see his shitty content.
  2. Some horrible gaming Top 10 channel that you watched 3000 hours of despite hating all of their lazy content.
  3. 24/7 livestream of a crosswalk.
  4. Another video about keemstar getting into drama. This time he doxxed a four year old and Ethan from H3H3 is pissed, but Leafy is standing in solidarity with him and Grade A Under A is coming in to dish out the real truth about the situation. Also, who the fuck are any of these people?
  5. YouTube Red Originals. PewDiePie now has a show about visiting haunted houses or something? Markiplier is like an actor or a dancer or some shit and has a fucking reality show? They both look so dead inside. They have less views than the youtube poops you made when you were 12.

“Cersei even undid your swaddling clothes to give us a better look,” the Dornish prince continued. “You did have one evil eye, and some black fuzz on your scalp. Perhaps your head was larger than most… but there was no tail, no beard, neither teeth nor claws, and nothing between your legs but a tiny pink cock. After all the wonderful whispers, Lord Tywin’s Doom turned out to be just a hideous red infant with stunted legs. Elia even made the noise that young girls make at the sight of infants, I’m sure you’ve heard it. The same noise they make over cute kittens and playful puppies. I believe she wanted to nurse you herself, ugly as you were. When I commented that you seemed a poor sort of monster, your sister said, ‘He killed my mother,’ and twisted your little cock so hard I thought she was like to pull it off. You shrieked, but it was only when your brother Jaime said, 'Leave him be, you’re hurting him,’ that Cersei let go of you. 'It doesn’t matter,’ she told us. 'Everyone says he’s like to die soon. He shouldn’t even have lived this long.’”

The sun was shining bright above them, and the day was pleasantly warm for autumn, but Tyrion Lannister went cold all over when he heard that. My sweet sister.

Not the Ballsiest Dwarf

Context: In the castle courtyard, waiting for our rewards after successfully stopped a dragon from demolishing it.

DM: What do you want to do now?

Chaotic Evil Dwarf(ooc): RANSACK THE TOWN!

DM: Make me a perception check (rolls 14). You see some guards coming up to you with a hammer and rope.

Dwarf(ooc): I feel threatened and strangely aroused.

DM: The young dwarf holding the rope winks at you.

Dwarf (leaning casually on a wall, winking back): Can I rope you into having a drink with me? We could get hammered, and then you could hammer me all night long ;) 

DM: The dwarf’s cheeks turn red, she snatches her companion’s hammer, and hits you in the dwarf parts with it. She then says ‘I don’t think you could take me’ as you squeal and slump to the floor.

Dwarf(ooc): With my last agonising breath before I pass into the cold relief of oblivion, I grunt just loud enough for all to hear: “Sorry. I thought you were a guy”

DM: Before your consciousness fades, you Hear Generic Guard A, who has now been given his hammer back, say something that comes across as muffled. The dwarf then replies ‘they’re probably so small he might as well not have any’.

Dwarf(ooc): My final thoughts before my mind disappears like my testicles are: “That insult hurt worse than any hammer could”


Originally posted by sweetly87

Request:  Can you do an imagine where Newt is allergic to on of his creatures but he’s being ridiculously stubborn about it as he doesn’t want to admit that he could possibly be allergic to one of his babies.

Can you please do one where the reader and Newt are just cuddling and Newt’s being cute and teasing the reader about the blush they have and CUTENESS EVERYWHERE? I’M SORRY

You heard Newt sneeze while handling one of his creatures, you and him brushed it off and you continued feeding Frank and giving him some love. You went in to the kitchen and started making dinner and when it was ready you called Newt in and he had a little red nose and his eyes were watering a little bit. “You alright?” You asked walking over to him.

“Perfectly fine, yes.” He said with a shy smile. You raised your eyebrows but left it alone. You served dinner and he smiled at you when you were pouring him a glass of water, he’d never drink unless it was a special occasion.

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” You asked, blushing slightly. Even though you’d been dating for years, you’d still blush at the littlest things. Newt would too.

“You’re beautiful.” Newt said simply. You shook your head laughing at him.

“You’re an idiot.” You replied, making him laugh.

“I love you.” He said, smiling.

“And I love you.” You replied, sitting down. As you were eating and chatting, Newt’s face seemed normal again. You thought it was quite odd. He couldn’t be allergic to one of his beasts, could he? When you had finished dinner, you went back out to finish feeding the creatures. As Newt went back to the ones he was feeding previously, you heard another sneeze come from him. You looked over at him and he was furiously rubbing at his eyes. You walked over to him, “Newt, darling?” You asked.

“Yes, love?” He replied, sneezing again.

“I think, I think you’re allergic to Jeffrey.” You said quietly.

“No! No it’s simply a cold.” He tried to reason, he didn’t really know why because he knew you would see right through him.

“No it’s not and you know it.” You said sternly.

“But he’s my baby! I’m his mummy, what am I going to do? I have to keep him and look after him.” Newt said, getting upset.

“Hey, hey, darling it’ll be okay. I’ll tell you what, we keep him, and I’ll look after him okay? You can admire from afar. He will understand. I promise you, I’ll be the best new mummy he could have okay?” You said, holding his hands. A few tears fell down his cheeks but you quickly wiped them away.

“Okay. Okay, you can do that.” He said quietly, giving you a watery smile. You wrapped your arms around him, and let him cry in to your shoulder.

“I know, I know it’s hard. He loves you though, and I love you my dear.” You said quietly in Newt’s ear. You gave him a quick kiss. “Okay you go and lie down and I’ll be there in a second okay?” You said kissing his cheek, he nodded and went to lie down in your bed. “Hello Jeffrey. I’m going to be your new mum. Newt is a tad allergic to you but that’s not your fault at all. No it’s not. But I’m going to look after you and you are going to be so loved.” You said, before leaving Jeffrey be. You wandered in to yours and Newt’s room and collapsed on the bed with him. He pulled you in close and started whispering sweet nothings in your ear. You began to blush and tried to hide your face in Newt’s shirt.

“Awe look! My baby’s blushing! You’re adorable love.” He teased smugly.

“Oh sod off Newt that’s not fair.” You said, kissing him.