you have no idea how much of a pathetic fan boy i am of this show

Live Blog TWP Ep. 6

This week I had just over 5 pages of thoughts as I watched the episode.  The timeline has become so convoluted I just can’t.  I think I nit pick more at the historical side of things in this one (not comparing the historical story of Henry & Elizabeth of York to the show, but rather other historical aspects).  Enjoy!


IT”S BEHEADIN TIME BBY

The whole royal fam turned out for this thang.  The fact they’re all wearing the same clothes lets me know this takes place on the same day William was arrested…. Come on, I know it was the medieval times, but surely they had more than one or two changes of clothes in their wardrobe.  They are the king and queen after all.

Lizzie grabs his hand like “don’t listen 2 the haterz.”

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Twenty One Pilots x Reader : Friday Night Fun

A/N: As always, requests open. Love you guys! Sorry if I’m inactive or not posting as much, due to school starting up this week. Don’t be afraid though, I still plan to check in daily and try to at least post one fanfic a day. I love you all! You’re amazing! Hope you enjoy this!

You went to the drive thru of Taco Bell, ordering their favorite burritos and a couple drinks too. You knew Josh and Tyler had a long day at the studio, and they would be exhausted, tired, and hungry by the end of the day. You grabbed the food and drove to the studio, arriving with two large bags full of Taco Bell. You knocked on the door, and their manager let you in, and you walked in, standing outside the glass of where Tyler was recording some vocals. “Hey y/n!” Josh greeted happily.

“Hello,” you smiled. “I thought I’d bring you boys something to eat.”

“That’s really nice of you,” he grinned. “Thank you. Tyler should be done soon. We just finished recording my drums.”

“How’d today go?” you wondered, handing him a bag.

“It was a long day, but it was fun. We got a lot accomplished,” he stated. He took a peek in the bag and instantly smiled. “How’d you know my favorite order?”

“I know you guys,” you just laughed.

“Thank you so much,” Josh repeated. “You’re awesome y/n.”

Tyler looked around and you guys made eye contact, and he grinned. A couple minutes later he was done recording, and he got out of the studio, greeting you with a hug. “Hey y/n!” he exclaimed.

“Hi Tyler,” you chuckled. He released the hug and you handed him a bag, and he looked in, a huge smile spread across his face.

“You didn’t have to,” he insisted.

“But I did, because you guys deserve it,” you reminded. “How you feeling?”

“Tired, but we got a lot done, so happy,” he nodded slowly. “Good job, Josh.”

“You too, Tyler,” Josh replied.

“So what do you guys feel like?” you wondered.

“Maybe a nap,” Josh joked. “That sounds nice.”

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” you rolled your eyes. You argued with Tyler about driving until finally he complied, and you drove them both to your house, both of them in the back seat eating their Taco Bell and singing a silly song about Mexico. You, Josh, and Tyler had all been good friends growing up. While they started a band, you started your own business, however you still all stayed close. It was always on Fridays when you’d all get together and hang out, whether they were at the studio or on tour or whatever. Your job was flexible, and you were able to travel if they were a while away, and if not, you could always still Facetime them.

“Hey y/n, I had an idea,” Tyler piped up.

“What?” you wondered.

“How about we go watch a movie?” he asked.

“Oh yeah!” Josh agreed. “I’ll buy.”

“You sure?” you wondered. “What movie are we even going to watch?”

“I don’t know, but let’s go. Come on, it will be fun,” Tyler begged.

“What time is it?” you inquired. “Are there even any showings left?”

“Of course there is,” Josh insisted. “Come on.”

“Okay, okay,” you agreed, making a U turn and driving to the nearest movie theater. You looked in your rearview mirror, sneaking a glance at the boys in the backseat, who were busy munching on their tacos. You pulled into the parking lot and they threw away their trash, and you walked into the movie theater, looking at the board.

“There’s only one showing left,” the employee sighed. “Sorry guys.”

“It’s fine. Uh, what movie is it?” Josh wondered.

The employee pointed at the marquee, and you all three looked up, staring at what it read. It was a horror movie, and you cringed, but the smile on the boy’s faces was impossible to resist. “Y/n, it’s a horror movie!” Tyler exclaimed. “That means a thrilling adventure filled with stupid screaming and really cheesy monsters and jump scares.”

“I think it would be fun,” Josh shrugged. “What do you say?”

“Let’s go!” Tyler grinned.

“You’re just saying that because I’m paying for it,” Josh laughed.

“No, really. I think it would be fun. Don’t you y/n?” he asked.

“Uh yeah,” you nodded, although you weren’t quite sure what you were getting yourself into. It sounded like something strange, and it wasn’t every day you would go to the movie theater with the boys, so you decided heck, why not. “Let’s go.”

“You sure?” Josh wondered. “It’s okay. I know you’re not always the biggest fan of horror films.”

“What am I? A crybaby?” you retorted. “I can put up with it.”

“Okay,” Josh chuckled. “Just looking out for you, y/n.”

“Thanks,” you whispered, giving him a small smile.

Josh bought you guys the tickets, Tyler got a large popcorn for the three of you to share, and you bought a couple pops for everyone, and you all entered the theater with a couple minutes to spare, Josh sitting in between you and Tyler. During the commercials, trailers, and previews before the film, you all tried to throw popcorn in each other’s mouths, acting like children. One of your favorite things about being with Tyler and Josh was the fact that you were always having fun, no matter where you were or what you were doing. They always managed to find a twist on life, make things seem better and bigger than they appeared, and there was never a dull moment between the three of you.

The movie began to start and you all calmed down a little bit, staying in your chairs and beginning to watch. The first jump scare made you stifle a scream, but you heard a pathetic feminine sounding yelp and you and Josh both whipped your heads around to stare at Tyler, who had just jumped in his seat and spilled the popcorn all over his lap. You and Josh both burst out laughing, Tyler’s face turning red but eventually joining in with the laughter, and then you guys kept watching. A few scenes made a shiver go down your spine, but when someone got murdered all of a sudden, you found all three of you accidentally let out a scream. Once there was a really good jump scare, and you practically fell into Josh’s lap, jumping up and falling on top of him, and you both chuckled, you mostly embarrassed. Another time Tyler jumped back, and hit his head on the seat, making you concerned, but he reassured he was just fine. The rest of the movie was filled with occasional yelps, screams, laughs, and also Josh almost falling out of his seat, but it was a great experience nonetheless.

When the movie was over and the lights came on, all three of you stared at the mess of popcorn and spilled drinks you had created, looking at each other and bursting out laughing. The ride home, which Tyler insisted he would drive instead of you, you three tried to guess who was scared the most. “Definitely y/n,” Josh chuckled, turning to you. “You almost fell on the floor!”

“Me?” you laughed. “You did fall on the floor!”

“How about Tyler’s screams though?” Josh reminded.

“Shut up, you were scared as heck too,” Tyler rolled his eyes. “Josh was just trying to be brave.”

“Whatever,” Josh shook his head.

“I thought it was fun,” you grinned. “I’d do it again.”

“We caused a mess though,” Tyler reminded.

“Yeah, but we always do, no matter where we go,” you admitted.

“So what do you think? What’s up next?” Josh wondered.

“Most places are closed,” Tyler sighed.

“Yeah, that rules out most things,” you added.

“How about my place? Since we’re already kind of freaked, how about we watch some Stranger Things on Netflix? Creep us out even more,” Josh offered.

“Sounds scary,” you cringed.

“Sounds like fun,” Tyler shrugged.

“Sounds like a plan,” Josh decided.

“Let’s do it,” you all three agreed. Looked like this night would be filled with a lot more screaming, laughing, but also tons of fun. There was nothing else you’d rather do then spend time with your two best friends in the entire world.

Idol life | Jimin, You

Part One | Part Two


We aren’t perfect. We will never be

You sat in the large black chair in front of the large mirror with bright flashlights lining the perimeters. Taking out your phone, you pressed the home button and it turned on, revealing a selfie of Jimin kissing your cheek and you crinkling your nose. You smiled at how cute it was but then a notification flashed on the screen.

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The Love Square: Chapter 3

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

Pairing: Ladynoir

Summary: She wasn’t sure when she’d starting falling for her partner, but the revelation one day made Marinette extremely uncomfortable.

Chapter One, Chapter Two

Note: Did you all enjoy the long cliffhanger I left? (I’m sorry) So after like, 5 days I’ve finally decided to post chapter 3. Not my favorite of the three so far, but chapter 4 is gonna be better, guaranteed. Enjoy!

When Ladybug opened her eyes, none other than Adrien Agreste was standing in front of her, and all she could do at first was blink. Adrien turned red under the stare of his partner, wanting her to react other than the surprised stare she was giving him.

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░ ❀ here’s a huge, alphabetized list of sentences from assorted television shows that you can use for ask memes!

❛ A girl can do anything she puts her mouth to. ❜
❛ A solution would’ve been birth control. Too late. Move on. ❜
❛ Actually, I prefer to be called ruler of all that is evil, but I will answer to Satan. ❜
❛ Age doesn’t matter. You can die at any time. ❜
❛ And you’re… Well, I’m sure you have a wonderful personality, dear. ❜
❛ Anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for. ❜
❛ Anywhere you go, I’m going. ❜
❛ Are you saying you don’t wanna get with this? ❜
❛ At least she had a husband to kill. ❜
❛ Back off, I’m starting! ❜
❛ Because what’s the point in them being happy now if they’re going to be sad later. ❜
❛ Boy, you are really not a morning person. ❜
❛ But if I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair. ❜
❛ College is breaking my spirit. ❜
❛ Come back to me. Forgive me. I love you. ❜
❛ Do I look helpless? ❜
❛ Do you hear yourself sometimes? Like when you speak? ❜
❛ Do you think it’s easy for me to see you with somebody else? ❜
❛ Do you want ants? Cause that’s how you get ants. ❜
❛ Do you want me to have you committed or would you rather check yourself in? ❜
❛ Don’t be baby. I only sprain. Next one I break. ❜
❛ Don’t blame me for your sexual tension. ❜
❛ Don’t go out of town. Don’t go anywhere. ❜
❛ Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy. But he is not the sun. You are. ❜
❛ Don’t take this personally, but get out. ❜
❛ Don’t you want someone real? Someone you can scratch and sniff? ❜
❛ Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole. ❜
❛ Dude, you fugly. ❜
❛ Every man has his weakness. ❜
❛ Everybody’s got it all wrong cause you and I both know damn well that you’re still in love with me. ❜
❛ Everyone I know is either getting married or getting pregnant or getting promoted and I’m getting coffee! And it’s not even for me! ❜
❛ Excuse me, when exactly did you lose your soul? ❜

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A/N: So this part is directly inspired (and also using some of the wording) from @scribefindegil‘s tags, which can be read here: http://reaganwarren.tumblr.com/post/137582251470/peekabooitsmiko-reaganwarren-an-okay ‘cause I reblogged them because I loved them so. They had captured Dipper and Mabel’s personalities so well in their tags that I genuinely don’t think I can write this part without quoting the phrases while still being in-character for Mabel and Dipper, but those parts are 100% scribefindegil’s words and ideas. My stuff is some of the detail-work and descriptions. Thank you everyone for being so receptive of the first part! And thank you, @peekabooitsmiko, for the fan art you had drawn of the first part! It was so cool! @pinesinthewoods @taccoman @aspiring-procrastinator (I am listening to Riptide by Vance Joy on repeat while writing this, btw, in case anybody was interested.)


Stan shooed Dipper up the stairs after Dipper had had his fill of left-over baked bread and milk, but Dipper was far from being able to go back to sleep. He grabbed the journal and peeked out down the staircase. He flipped through the journal as he kept an ear out. He could hear Stan trying to get Jimmy to wait for his decision about the deal tomorrow, that Dipper had been right and he really did need to go to sleep.

“I mean, there’s no time limit on this, is there?” Dipper could hear Stan say. He couldn’t really hear what Jimmy Snakes was saying in response, but it seemed that Grunkle Stan was getting his way this time.

Dipper closed the door, then hurried to his bed and turned on the light and flipped through the pages of the journal. Red glowing eyes, moving patchwork, red glowing eyes, moving patchwork….

Dipper barely registered that he was disturbing Mabel, but her moaning as he started to click his thinking pen repeatedly did get his attention.

“Dipper, what on Earth are you doing? Go to bed,” Mabel mumbled, rolling over to give him a rather pathetic glare.

Mabel,” Dipper whispered urgently, getting up and moving to her side of the room. He turned her light on and tried to show her the journal, but Mabel just moaned louder and rolled over. “This isn’t the time for sleep, Grunkle Stan’s in trouble!”

“Wha-?”

“It’s that Jimmy Snakes guy and -”

“Uuuugh, Dipper, c’mon.”

“Really! Mabel, I heard them, Jimmy wants Stan to do something for him that’ll get him out of some kind of deal, and his eyes glowed red, and the snake skeleton on the back of his jacket started moving, and he was buttering Grunkle Stan up with all these nicknames, like sweetheart and kitten baby, for some reason, and he’s up to no good! Mabel, wake up!”

It took part of a moment for Mabel to register what Dipper had said, and suddenly she was sitting straight up and looking even more awake than Dipper was.

“Wait, what was that last part?” Mabel asked.

“He’s up to no good!”

“No, before that!”

“He - He called Grunkle Stan cute nicknames? Like, sweetheart and stuff?”

“Oh-my-gosh-oh-my-gosh-oh-my-gosh, Dipper! Do you think they used to be boyfriends!?”

Dipper stared at her for a moment.

“What?”

But Mabel was no longer listening. She had gotten up off the bed and ran to the bookshelf, then pulled out her mini-Gravity Falls village and set it up in the middle of the room. Dipper raised an eyebrow, but he walked over to see what she was doing.

“How could I not think that Grunkle Stan might like boys too!? This changes everything, I have to re-do all my matchmaking algorithms! Oooh oooh, I wonder if Grunkle Stan would like the big buff black guy with the tattoos!”

Dipper just stared at her.

“What - ? Mabel, what are you doing!? How can you think of matchmaking at a time like this?”

Mabel gasped all of a sudden, then jumped up and grabbed Dipper’s shoulders, shaking him slightly.

Dipper, what if Jimmy’s here so they can get back together!?”

“No, he’s not, Mabel - !”

“This could be the matchmaking project I’ve been looking for! Dipper, this is fantastic, and they’d be so cute together! Grunkle Jimmy has a nice ring to it, too!”

No, Mabel! Haven’t you been listening!? Jimmy’s a bad guy! We shouldn’t try to re-create some kind of past relationship that I’m pretty sure you just made up just because you want to match-make somebody! He’s up to something bad, and he wants Grunkle Stan’s help with it - or the something bad is something he’s going to do to Stan!”

“Dipper, not everything has to be a big supernatural mystery. He’s just a guy from Grunkle Stan’s past who happens to be rough around the edges.”

Rough around the edges? Mabel, he spat on Grunkle Stan today - yesterday, I mean!” It was past midnight by this point, after all.

“You heard Stan, Jimmy didn’t really mean anything by it, it was just a biker thing. And Grunkle Stan has his own throw-up on his shirt, a little spit isn’t gonna hurt that tank top much.”

“Well, I don’t believe it for one minute! Jimmy Snakes has got to go, and if you’re not gonna help me, fine! I’ll do it on my own!”

“Dipper - !”

But Dipper turned away from her and went to his bed and huddled on it, the journal open in front of him as he faced his bedroom wall. The annoying pen clicking started again, but Mabel didn’t say anything about it. Instead, she went back to her matchmaking props. So if Jimmy was Grunkle Stan’s type, then she could cross out Old Man McGucket and Toby Determined….

Dipper tried to figure out what Jimmy Snakes could be. Possessed by a ghost? Maybe…. But what kind of ghost? At least a category 5…. But what if it wasn’t a ghost? What if it was something else? But Dipper just didn’t have enough information on Jimmy to have any idea. Glowing red eyes fit lots of different things, though admittedly most were not some kind of shapeshifter that could take human form. But how could Dipper be sure that they weren’t?

Dipper also couldn’t forget what Mabel had said. She was matchmaking behind him as he sat here, after all. Stan and Jimmy? A couple? Why would Grunkle Stan like a creep like that? Sure, Stan was kind of a gross old man, but that didn’t mean he’d fall for someone like Jimmy Snakes. Even if he liked boys, which Stan had never mentioned before.

But as Dipper failed to get any headway in his research, the thought wrapped itself around his brain until it was occupying his thoughts no matter what he did.

Sleep was very, very far away by this point.

Maybe it was because he was sleep-deprived, but his thoughts were making him sad, and his mouth started to tremble, no matter how hard he pressed them together.

Mabel was starting to feel like going back to sleep when she heard her brother sniffle.

She got up off the floor and went over to Dipper.

“Dipper?”

Dipper sniffed again, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. He then rubbed the back of his hand against his shirt.

“W-what if they were together and Jimmy was a bad boyfriend?” Dipper asked softly. Mabel furrowed her eyebrows.

“Dipper?”

“What if he hurt Grunkle Stan back then and now it’s just more of the same? What if spitting and saying rude things isn’t normal and Grunkle Stan just thinks it is?”

Mabel crawled up onto the bed and looked over his shoulder. She took the journal from Dipper, then dabbed the tear stains on the page before closing it shut.

“Don’t worry, bro-bro. If Jimmy Snakes is bad for Grunkle Stan, I, the Romance Expert, will be able to tell. If he really is bad, I’ll help you get rid of him.”

Mabel pulled up a bed sheet, then wiped up Dipper’s face with it.

“Let’s try to get some sleep before breakfast, and I can make some Mabel Juice in the morning, okay?” she said.

“Okay.”

“Awkward sibling hug?”

Dipper nodded, then pulled her into his arms.

“Pat, pat.” they both said.

Mabel then got off Dipper’s bed and went to her own. She watched to see if Dipper was actually laying down and curled up in a blanket before getting into her own bed and doing the same.

They only got about two hours worth of sleep before they were woken up by their grunkle.

anonymous asked:

Why do you say that you don't wanna talk about Zerrie lately? Tag zerrie shit as 'oh i didn't want to post that' etc?

It’s a bit complicated.

At first I didn’t talk about Zerrie [or Payzer] at all because I found them irrelevant to Ziam. And they kinda are, tbh, if you see the bigger picture. But then Zerrie became so stressful and we all had to make analyses about tattoos and engagements and pet zoos etc. etc., so I really couldn’t help myself.

Now it’s a different story. Zerrie is now ENTERTAINING. There’s nothing that stresses me out about it anymore, nothing that causes me to panic. It’s all just a cause to have a laugh and move on. But I feel bad about it cause even tho I’m sure Zayn and Liam themselves are way calmer about it now, it MUST be stressful to them. It’s still a bad situation with lots of mistakes and lies involved, so me laughing about it feels misplaced. And like - how many times can you laugh about the same thing? It all feels repetitive. The laugh of the day is ‘the truth Perrie knows about Zayn’. Yeah. That he’s Indian. Give me a break.

Plus -whenever I/we freak out about Zerrie or even just LAUGH about it, we still give Modest exactly what they want - ATTENTION! Every time we make fun of Perrie’s new shenanigans, we create buzz around her name. We may not buy LM merchandise, but we give hits to news articles about LM, we give hits to their interviews, we publisize LM for people who do not share the same disdain as us to actually look into them.

And LM WOULD deserve the attention, if only they tried a bit harder to conceal how bullshitty they are. They never practice what they preach, they act all empowered but then you have Perrie shaming people for their weight and appearance in general, we get reports of them being rude to fans, they seem to have let whatever fame they have get to their heads, and they are huge victims of their marketing campaign because the people who are trying to sell them have no idea what they are selling. I don’t know about them individually, but LITTLE MIX are not empowered, not feminist, not badass. They are four talented girls that are desperately trying to make it with the assistance of Zayn Malik [and yes – the other three hate it, and they may very well be feminist and fierce and all that jazz but they STILL participate in it, their image is still influenced by Zerrie and Perrie herself, ya feel?], because that’s what their managers decided for them - and they decided WRONGLY, but the girls are still trapped in that image.

I have gone way off topic but this whole ordeal with LM’s image vs reality is just sad. You can’t proclaim to be feminist and have a member who has struggled with her weight, and then have Perald say her haters are probably fat and smelly. You can’t proclaim to be fierce and flawless and then have Perald ‘decide to be native American for a day’. You can’t proclaim to be all about friendship and equality and then have Perald dominate music videos [Word Up is the Perald show feat. backup dancers], have people carry her bags when the rest carry their own. You can’t proclaim to be confident and loving yourself and then have Perald have several plastic surgeries before she even hits 21. You can’t proclaim to ‘need no man’ and then have Perald participate in a clusterfuck of an unhealthy relationship - that’s either as pathetic as a cheating show or as over the top as a study of desperation - that’s not even REAL.

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Tired of pretending (Luke imagine) part 3

Request: 


A/N: There are no words strong enough to express how incredibly sorry I am for neglecting and abandoning my blog the way I did… I felt so pathetically uninspired and pressured and somehow I just gave up. 

But I’m back, and I hope you can forgive me and trust me again. I feel so much better and my writers’ block is almost completely gone! 

Also I want to thank all of you that are still here! Waiting and hoping that I’d come back. I don’t blame anyone who unfollowed during my absence, but I’m forever grateful to all of you that stayed <3

This imagine was requested ages ago and my plan is to work through all of the request I have left on my to do list, and then hopefully open up my inbox to new requests!  

Part 1, Part 2 

MASTERLIST

To do list… 


——


[Y/N]’s POV


When the concert is over, I linger by the front row fence, while everyone else heads for the doors in the back of the arena. I don’t exactly know what I’m waiting for, but I know Luke saw me. Maybe I’m hoping that he’ll come back out and talk to me, although I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen. Even if he wanted to, security wouldn’t let him because of all the fans still in the room. But I stay anyway.


Suddenly someone touches my shoulder and I spin around expectantly. The tall and wide figure of a security guard stands before me and I feel my heart sink to my stomach.


“Miss-” he begins with a scratchy voice, but I interrupt him.


“I know, I know.. I’m leaving!” I start to walk away, but he places his hand on my arm stopping me.


“I have specific orders to collect you and bring you backstage!” he says and my eyes widen as I stare at him surprised. The guard starts walking the opposite direction of the exit and I quickly follow.



When we enter the backstage area, my heart is beating so hard, I’m certain someboy might hear it. I swallow with difficulty, to get rid of the vile taste in my mouth – without success. We pass stageworkers packing all of the boys’ stuff into large trunks and bags, and they all look up with confused faces when they see me. I feel my face heating up. I’m sure what all these people know about me, or what happened between me and Luke but considering some of the nasty looks sent my way, I’m guessing they have a pretty good idea.


It feels like we’ve been walking for an eternity (it was probably just 5 minutes) when the security guy finally comes to a halt outside a simple white door with a small sign reading ‘Dressing room’ on it. I glance at him nervously but he simply nods before walking back the way we came. I put my hand on the doorknob and take a deep breath. I have no idea what to expect, but I guess there’s only one way to find out.


I push the door open and take a step into the room. Three pairs of eyes dart my direction and I freeze. Michael, Ashton and Calum all look at me with displeased looks, to say the least. To be honest, they look more or less furious, and I feel a lump growing in my throat. I was not prepared for this.



Calum’s POV


As soon as we hear the door open, Ash, Mikey and I ready ourselves for what’s coming. We’d been discussing what to say ever since Luke disappeared 15 minutes ago and now it was time to give [Y/N] a piece of our minds. I thought we had made it clear that we wanted nothing to do with her at my house this morning, but apparently she didn’t get the message. Coming to our concert with that sign was just unacceptable and it was a recipe for disaster – we were all sure of it.


[Y/N] freezes in the doorway when she sees us and seeing the confusion and fear in her eyes I almost feel sorry for her. She isn’t a bad person. She never meant to hurt Luke. But because she did, it was up to me, Mikey and Ash to protect Luke from her and that meant keeping her as far away from him as possible.


“[Y/N]” Ashton said after a moment of silence between the four of us.


“Where’s Luke?” she asks quietly, not looking at us.


“We asked Andrew to get you, because we have something to say to you” Ash continues ignoring her question. [Y/N] glances up from the floor, looking as frightened as a deer in headlights, but hastely looks away, twisting her hands.


“Did you really think it was a good idea?” I ask her gently, my sympathy for the girl in front of me taking over a little. She shrugs defeated.


“I don’t know…”


“It wasn’t!” Ashton’s tone is so harsh I can almost see [Y/N] physically flinch. I give him a quick glare for being so insensitive, before I speak again.


“We told you this morning that it’s too soon! Why would you do something like this?”


“I’m sorry I messed you guys up! I didn’t realize… I had to do something, you wouldn’t even give me a chance to explain, you wouldn’t let me see him… I didn’t know what else to do!” [Y/N]’s voice is barely more than a whimper and the tears are evident in her eyes as she’s blinking frenetically to hold them back.


“So you thought: I’ll just show up at their concert after 5 months with a big freaking sign that says that you want him back, right when he finally starts to get over you?” Michael counters sarcastically. [Y/N] doesn’t answer, she just looks at the floor and I’m pretty sure she’s crying now.


“You have to leave” [Y/N] simply nods at Ashton’s statement and disappeares through the door without even looking at us. After she’s gone the air feels heavy in the room.


“Did we… Did we do the right thing?” Michael asks finally. We all look at each other with uncertainty. Ashton nods his head slowly.


“Yeah… We can’t risk letting her back into his life. She’ll just hurt him again!”


“She left him last time we were away, and she’d do it again for sure!” I add, mostly to try and suffocate the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.


“She? [Y/N] was here?!” I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a heavy breath. Luke’s voice is squeky and worn out, but non the less equally panicked and hopefull. The three of us in the room turn around and face a puffy eyed, messy haired Luke standing right outside the dressingroom door. “Where is she?”


“She left…” Ash says warily. Luke looks down the hall in both directions then back at us.


“When?” he breathes, wetting his lips. He looks almost crazy. Like he’s ready to run a mile to find her.


“Luke don’t-” I begin but he precedes me.


“I have to! I have no choice. I love her” and then he takes off.


——


A/E/N: I just wanna say that all feedback is greatly appreciated, as usual. Like/Reblog and message me your thoughts!

I also want to apologize, I know this isn’t as good as maybe the previous parts, but I blame it on the fact that I haven’t been writing anything at all for a long time and it’s gonna take me a few tries to get back into old writing habits and finding my flow again. Okay, thanks for understanding! I lub choo guis <3

Reunited (Cameron Dallas Imagine)

Requested: can yu make a little story where Cameron and y/n have been friends since they were born and y/n had to move and Cameron never saw she again until she goes to magcon and he recognize her and yu can finish it off 😊😊 thanks 💚💚

AN: Thanks for the request melissalovesmars! I hope it’s okay that I used (Y/n). Hope you guys all like it! Remember anyone can feel free to request anything! Love you lovelies 💞

(Y/b/f/n)= Your best friends name

Italics=Flashback

I woke up to the sound of my phone vibrating. I rolled over and checked it. (Y/b/f/n) had texted me. 

‘Did you hear Magcon was going to be in town today!?‘ 

She was such a complete fan girl. I hadn’t told her yet that Cam and I used to be best friends. She would completely freak. 

“Come on (Y/n) just jump!” Cam said to me from the water. 

“Are you kidding me Cam!? We shouldn’t even be here in the first place!” I yelled down to him. 

“Oh stop it! You shouldn’t be an angel your whole life! Just jump!” Cam persuaded me. 

He was right. Although we were only 13 and probably shouldn’t continue to be trouble makers that’s just what happened being around him. I jumped off the dock and met him in the water. 

“See that wasn’t so bad!”

“Okay you’re right, that was pretty fun.” I said as I splashed him in the face.

That’s how it usually went with Cam. We always found a way to have fun. Although when I turned 14 my family had to move away. We both were heart broken when I left but over time we slowly lost touch. I started seeing him on different social medias. He joined Magcon and it was like I never existed to him. He was having the time of his life while I was missing him everyday. 

I texted (Y/b/f/n) back

‘Are you serious? You know we’re 18, we shouldn’t be fangirling over a group of boys.‘ 

‘I already bought VIP tickets for us. We’re going. I’ll be there in an hour.’

Fuck. She really was serious about this. I guess I was going to have to face Cam after 4 years of not seeing or really even talking to him. 

I sluggishly got out of bed and took a quick shower. When I was finished with my shower I walked over to my closet with a towel still wrapped around my body. What was I going to wear? I searched through my clothes for several minutes before deciding on a simple outfit that wasn’t too much but still cute. I don’t know why I was so worried about what to wear anyways. He probably didn’t even care about me anymore. Why would he? 

I heard the front door open, knowing it was (Y/b/f/n) since she never knew how to knock. 

“Come on (Y/n)! We need to go now or else we’ll be late.“ 

I honestly didn’t know what her rush was since we did have VIP. I took one last glance in the mirror, grabbed my purse, and headed downstairs. 

“Okay can we go already?” She asked me annoyed tapping her foot on the ground. 

“Yes, let’s go get this over with.” She gave me a confused glance but it quickly disappeared as I followed her out towards her car. I started to get nervous on the way there. It’d been so long since I had seen Cam, I didn’t know what to expect. 

“What am I going to do with out you (Y/n)?” His voice cracked, almost as if he was holding back from crying. 

“Cam stop it. We’ll keep in touch and make trips to see each other.” I said trying to make him feel better. 

“But your my best friend. How am I going to get away with being stupid with out you to help me?” He wined. 

“You’ll find a way Cam. Just think like me.” I gave him a sly smirk. 

I always knew Cam and I had a crush on each other. That’s just what kind of happens when you’ve been friends with someone since birth. We were attached at the hip. That’s why leaving was so hard. Even though we were only 14 when I left, we couldn’t imagine being away from each other. 

“(Y/n) what’s going on? Your shaking your leg like crazy.” (Y/b/f/n) stated. 

I hadn’t even noticed I was doing that till she pointed it out. I guess I really was nervous. 

“Oh idk. I guess I am pretty excited to meet them.” I played it off to her. 

“Yes! Finally! All I’ve wanted was to fangirl with you! This is going to be great!” She exclaimed. Oh god. This day is going to be horrific. 

We pulled up to the venue and already there was a ton of screaming teenage girls lined up. (Y/b/f/n) quickly parked the car and we walked towards the line. They were starting to form the VIP line since it was almost time to go in. I started to feel stupid. I didn’t want the first time I’d see Cam to be at a Meet and Greet. I felt so embarrassed. 

“Hey I have an idea. Come with me.”

She didn’t question anything because she knew when I had a plan it wouldn’t be something stupid. I pulled her arm and walked to the back of the venue where the tour bus was parked. There was a security guard standing in front of the doors. 

“Are all the boys in there?” I asked him. 

“Yes, they’re just about ready to enter the building. Do you need something?” He looked concerned but also that I was probably just another fangirl. 

“Can you tell Cameron Dallas that (Y/n) is here to see him. It’s very important.“ 

"How do I know this isn’t a scam?” He questioned me. 

“Go in and tell Cam, once you see his face you’ll know it’s not a scam.”

The security guard seemed hesitant at first but then went in the bus and left the door open a little bit so I was able to hear what’s going on. 

“Excuse me, Cameron Dallas, (Y/n) is here for you. She says in important.” The whole bus got silent. 

“No, there’s no way she could be here." 

“She’s standing right outside sir.”

I see a hand start to move a curtain at the window right next to the door. He peaks out slowly and once he sees me he closes it back quickly. 

“Okay I’ll be right back guys.” Cam said to all the people on the bus. 

He slowly walks down the stairs out of the bus with his face in shock. 

“Hi Cam.” I said as casually as possible. 

“H-hi (Y/n)." 

"This is my friend. She’s a big fan.” I motioned behind me. 

“Okay she can go on the bus and meet everyone. I need to talk to you alone." 

(Y/b/f/n) went into the bus closing the door behind her. Cam came up and embraced me in a tight hug, lifting me up a little bit. 

"I’ve missed you so much (Y/n).” He said into my hair. 

“I missed you too Cam.” I said as I pulled away from the hug. 

“W-what are you doing here?” He questioned me. 

“Well my friend told me you guys were in town so I decided I’d come with her." 

 wanted to tell him the truth. That I came here to see him. But sounding pathetic didn’t seem like such a great thing right now. 

"It’s been so long.” He said sadly while looking down. 

“Yeah I’ve noticed.” Sure maybe that response was a little bit rude but I was upset. Almost mad. He never made the effort to talk to me, just pretended like I didn’t exist. 

“It was just too hard (Y/n). I know we were young and all but when you left it hurt. A lot. And idk I just couldn’t push myself to call or anything." 

The sadness in his eyes made me so sad. I guess it was just as hard for him as it was for me. 

"Well I guess I could say the exact same thing. I really missed you Cam.”

A big smile grew on his face. He came closer and embraced me in another hug. He pulled away and grabbed my face with both his hands, just staring into my eyes. 

“God I’ve wanted to do this forever." 

I was about to ask what he was talking about when he slowly leaned in, pressing his lips against mine. I had kissed people before, but it never felt quiet like this. He started deepening the kiss when there were loud noises coming from the bus. We pulled away and just smiled at each other. I looked at the bus and noticed some of the boys peaking through windows. Then they started to come out of the bus. 

"Okay lovebirds, Cam’s got a meet and greet to go to." 

Cam gives me one more hug while whispering in my ear. "Meet me here right after the show.”

And walks off with all the boys. 

Who Is This Girl? - Luke Hemmings Imagine

Requested? Yes!

Luke imagine in which he thinks a fan is cute, and goes on a hunt to find out who she is

(it’s from his p.o.v) enjoy!

“Hey, luke!” Ashton calls from behind me. I turn around, looking down at the older boy in front of me.

“Yeah?” I say as Ashton grins at me.

“The lads and I are thinking of meeting some fans before we head backstage. Wanna go out?” He asks, shoving a thumb over his shoulder and pointing towards the exit.

No matter how chaotic it may get outside, meeting fans is one of my favourite things. There’s nothing like meeting the people who support you, who love you, who appreciate your music. It’s wonderful to meet them, the least we can do to show our gratitude to these dedicated, wonderful people. So, with that, I nod, and follow Ashton to the door.

Once we’re outside, the heat of the sun beating down on my shoulders, my eyes squinting in the white light, I hear the screams, the commotion of the fans coming to meet us. The white light of the outdoors eventually fade into a tolerable dim, allowing my face to relax and smile at the on coming fans.

The commotion is typical. Saying hi, getting twitter handles, taking pictures. In all the bustle, though, I see a face.

Every other face is blurry, out of focus, moving. But this one girl. Her eyes are glittering under the sunlight, her hair shiny, falling loosely around her pretty face. She’s trying to push through some other people, a look of frustration on her face. But, the crowd sucks her back in, and soon she’s drowning in a sea of faces.

I try to make it look as casual as possible, turning my attention to that part of the crowd so I can make my way over to this girl that I can’t stop watching. She’s wiggling her way through the crowd until it starts to separate before me, making it easier to take pictures in an organized fashion.

A few smiles and clicks later, I’m nearly there. She’s watching me, excitement brimming up in her vibrant eyes, her soft, pink lips turning up at the corners.
I’m about to reach out when she’s bumped from behind.

“Dammit!” She hisses, her phone being knocked from her grip and shattering on the ground before her. I watch as her heart shatters along with it. We both stand there a moment, staring at the pathetic phone on the concrete at our feet.

“Here,” I say, diving down to pick it up. “Sorry about your phone.”

“Oh, it’s not your fault,” she waves it off, shoving it in her pocket. Her voice is sweet, gentle. She’s not making eye contact, no matter how much I duck my head down to try to be at eye level.

“Regardless, it sucks,” I say, putting my hand on her shoulder. I feel a tingle run up from my fingers all the way through me. Her eyes dart up to meet mine.

“Well,” she smiles. It’s breathtaking. “Now I can’t get a picture with you.” She turns the phone over in her gentle hands, observing the spiderweb design of the cracks, completely enveloping the delicate glass of the phone.

“Just take one on my phone,” I suggest before I even think about what I’m saying. “I’ll just… I don’t know. Post it on twitter after, then you can keep it.” She smiles again, her eyes beaming with satisfaction.

“That sounds amazing,” the words ease out through her lips. I smile down at her. Her face is beautiful. Her voice is soothing. She’s such a delightful height and presence.

I take my phone out of my pocket, reaching out to take the picture, leaning in to get both of our faces in the shot. One click, and it’s time to move on.

“Thanks so much!” She says, her voice slightly hushed. She’s skipping away from me and back through the crowd, dismissing me to move on to the other fans, phones out, ready to take photos.

And she’s gone. I don’t even ask if she’ll be at the show tonight. I don’t ask for her twitter or even her number. I didn’t ask for her name.

So, once we’ve met as many fans as possible, and we’re backstage again, waiting for the show to begin, I sit on the couch, completely immersed in the image of her on my phone.

“Dude,” Calum says from the other side of my phone. “What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing,” I glance up from my screen to look him square in the eye. “Why?”

“You’re frowning at your phone and chewing your lip ring,” he says. I am. I immediately release my bottom lip from between my teeth. “You reading hate? You know that’s a bad idea, bro.”

“No, it’s not that.” My words come out as a huff. “Just a fan I met. Can’t stop thinking about her.”

The boys all turn to look at me now. Calum’s brows are furrowed, Ashton’s got one eyebrow cocked. Michael just shrugs. 

“Then put on a hell of a show,” he suggests. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I didn’t see her in the crowd!” I shout over the din of the crowd on the other side of the walls. I had just put on one of the best shows of my life, and I’m not even sure if she was there to see it. I pull my in-ears off, untangling myself from the wires. “I give up.”

“Nah, buddy, don’t give up,” Ashton slaps my shoulder with his drum sticks. “Didn’t you take a picture with her on your phone?”

“Yeah,” I say, entering the door to the dressing room, slumping down on the couch. I grab my phone, opening it to the picture and turning the phone around so my bandmates could see.

“Luke,” Ashton speaks up, the corners of his mouth turning up. “You can’t give up on this one.”

“Just tweet the damn picture, Luke!” Calum says, walking away.

“Don’t be such a pussy, Hemmings,” groans Michael as he follows Calum.

“Okay,” I sigh, opening the twitter app. I type in the caption.

Posting this for a lovely fan I met today! If anyone knows who she is, help me find her!

I shove my phone into my back pocket, exhausted from the day, and follow the boys back to the tour bus.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I awake to the buzz of my cell phone, stuffed under my pillow. I sit up, my eyes tired, my body groggy, my skin still covered in sleep as I stretch the exhaustion out of me. As soon as I’m conscious enough, I grab my phone, ready to begin the hunt.

It takes two hours of scrolling through my feed. Countless accounts claiming to be her, it only takes a second of scrolling through their account to realize it’s not. Then, one tweet catches my eye.

@Y/F/T/N: That’s my friend, Y/N. She told me she broke her phone yesterday? 

I immediately reply.

What’s her account? I need to know. Thanks xx

“Luke?” I hear Calum above me. “You up?”

“Yeah,” I say, locking my phone and throwing the blankets off me. “Breakfast?”

“Mm, breakfast,” Calum groans, stretching out. 

We’re sitting in the lounge, eating cereal, when I can’t take it any more. I tried to have a normal conversation with Calum. About the show, about what we’re doing today, about how great Cheerios are, but my mind kept wandering to that girl. I’m so close to knowing who she is. 

“Just check your bloody phone, Luke,” Calum groans, clearly noticing my inner struggle. I smile, whipping out my phone. 

I stare at my screen for a second, looking at my mentions. 

@Y/T/N.

“I got her name, Cal.”

“What?”

“I got her name. Finally,” I grin. I panic, my grin drops into a frown. I stare at Calum, he looks back, confusion plastered on his face. “Now what?”

“What do you mean, ‘now what’?” Calum grunts, rolling his eyes and getting up to put his bowl in the sink. “Talk to her, you dumbass.”

A/N: That took sosososo long to write my apologies x 3000. Like it literally took so long to write I tried to go back into my blog to find who requested it, but I couldn’t find it it was SO FAR BACK. I’m stupid. But. Yeah. I hope you like it!!!!!!

xxxxx

Roxy’s Romantic Troubles

theneonwerewolf asked:

(apologies if you already explained this but) What do you make of Roxy and John holding hands and Roxy blushing? It kind of throws a bit of a wrench in the JohnVris, although we don’t know for sure how John feels. Me and my friends are predicting that part of Roxy’s arc is that she will be heartbroken once again. What is your take on it?

Hoo boy. 

Okay, this is going to be a long one, brace yourselves guys. And it’s going to be brutal. Apologies to JohnRox fans in advance. I swear on my gravestone I’m not trying to hate on the pairing. Yes, I’m not fond of it myself, and yes, JohnVris is my OTP, but I make a conscious effort to not it let inform my meta stuff. It will probably come off that way anyway though, FML, I try.

Ahem.

To put it bluntly: Evidence is pointing towards JohnRox crashing. Possibly hard. 

See, here the thing. JohnRox isn’t even about John’s character arc. I’m afraid JohnVris has that honor. It’s about *Roxy’s* character arc. It’s about her growth and the undercurrent of ‘wanting to find a boyfriend to make me happy’ that’s run through most of her story. Anyone else see a serious issue with the bolded line?

That’s a genuine problem for her. She has this idea in her head that a relationship is the key to happiness for her. That’s why she desperate, and hits on nearly everything. Like her ‘flirtLARPing’ with the Auto-Responder, while suggesting Dirk should be ‘more’ like the AR because the latter is willing to indulge her.

This was actually a red flag of how this is a problem for her. During one of her first pesterlogs with Dirk, she makes it clear she’s not very happy with Dirk being gay since it means he’s ‘off limits’:

‘Too bad he’s gay’? Does that sound like something you should say to a gay friend? Like, ever? Combine with the implication that Dirk should indulge her flirting every now and then, and, well…

To be fair to Roxy, she does realize it’s wrong:

But that doesn’t excuse the underlying issue of just how much Roxy has put stock into the idea of a boyfriend/husband being able to make her happy. To the point that Dirk has this very telling pesterlog post-Trickster pre-God Tier:

Dirk here reminds me of myself in a scarily similar situation. I had this friend who was really nice, had a crush on me, but I couldn’t recepriocate ‘cause I’m aro-asex. He respected it, but as he tried desperately to look for a girlfriend I felt guilty that I couldn’t just fall for him and help make him happy.

We aren’t in touch anymore, but in hindsight, I realized I shouldn’t have had to feel that way. Repeat after me: *No one* is entitled to a relationship. Those who believe a relationship will make them happy are effectively saying ‘I refuse to take responsibility for my own happiness. I want someone else to make me happy.’ Going into a relationship thinking that is a recipe for disaster. And that’s kinda Roxy’s issue…

Another notable incident is when, in her first pesterlog, she (intentionally or not) guilt-trips Jane by reminding her that she’s ‘being a good friend’ by having declared Jake ‘off-limits’ on account of Jane being interested in him. Because she would be *totally* all over him if it wasn’t for that and you should be grateful I’m sacrificing potential happiness for yours:

Got a little snarky there, sorry. I’m not dissing Roxy here, okay? She actually ranks up there in terms of favorite characters. But the emphasis she puts on romance shows signs of being unhealthy.

Like during the moon conversation post-Trickster:

She acts like the non-existance of a lovelife is a horrible, depressing thing. While she admits how ‘pathetic’ it is, if you keep in mind she thinks love=happiness it reads more as ‘Am I not allowed to find someone and be happy?’ I sorta want to shake her and yell, ‘You don’t NEED anyone to be happy!’

We had another name for a character like this before Act 6: Eridan:

Now, don’t get me wrong here. Roxy is nowhere *near* as horrible as Eridan. But they have similar ‘romantic desperation’ problems. See the above conversation, where Eridan just sees Nepeta as the ‘kittycat shipper girl’ and Karkat makes it clear that was wrong?

We’ve already seen a similar problem with Roxy towards John. To quote:

It brings up a question: Does Roxy really see John as his own person, or does she view him more as ‘Jake, with some of her best friend Jane’ mixed in?

It does NOT help that during her FIRST conversation with John, Roxy was already thinking this:

‘Boyfriend material’? What happened to, you know, being *friends* first? How can she think something like that when she knows practically *nothing* about John? She wasn’t even really listening when he was telling her about himself!:

If the Vriskagram upd8 proved anything, it’s that Hussie knows his characters, and that he knows what he’s doing with them. Roxy is probably no exception. She and John have had only, what, three or four conversations? And just within those conversations, I’m seeing some pretty worrying stuff. Like:

John expresses that he’s uncomfortable with the idea that Roxy is technically the mother of his friends. Roxy doesn’t have a problem with it, but it’s still a concerning disconnect.

Combined with signs she views him more as ‘Jake/Jane combo’ then an actual person, and it really doesn’t look good…

There are a couple other things I wanted to address.

First, there’s a point in Homosuck where Caliborn addresses the various ‘badges’ God Tiers receive as they level up. And there’s one he mentions that EXPLAINS SO FUCKING MUCH:

Read that underlined one. Read it over and over until it sinks in. THIS is why JohnVris was our first ‘serious’ romantic arc. Because Vriska, by virtue of having climbed many, many God Tier levels, must have that badge! Allowing her to pursue a romantic interest in John without it being ‘awkward.’

Roxy, being freshly God Tiered with no chance to level up, doesn’t have that badge. And given the conversation here:

It’s probably fair to say John doesn’t have the badge either.

The second thing is, the whole ‘forced romantic arc’ seems to be a reference to Roxy’s Wizardly Herbert story, which lampshades the very thing we’re seeing with JohnRox now (the story building romantic tension between them quickly):

Underlined something important: The characters in the story weren’t very happy with the ‘forced’ relationship either, and decided to just ‘ride it out,’ implying that they *wouldn’t* be getting together despite the story’s attempts otherwise.

These scenes help further establish the parallel:

Here’s the thing: The point of the Wizardly Herbert story was that the romantic tension was built up quickly in a forced manner and it was AWFUL. Even the characters admitted such!

The Wizardly Herbert story is often cited as ‘JohnRox’ evidence, but I think that’s missing the point. And it strikes me as self-defeating since the WH story was lampshading and parodying couples forced together by the story. I’m just saying, the parallel probably isn’t a *good* thing for a potential ship.

The last thing I want to address: The ring.

Well, given the Wizardly Herbert parallel above…

And there’s something extremely important to remember. Remember WHY John gave Roxy the Ring of Life?:

Because he wanted to help her help her friend, Calliope. There wasn’t anything romantic implied about this. It was just John, in his usual heroic way, deciding to help someone in trouble. Roxy, however, seems to read more into it…

Know what I think? I think the ring is a red herring. There’s some real signs of trouble in JohnRox. Especially on Roxy’s side. Look at her blush. ‘Squee! I finally found someone! I can finally be happy!’ But that’s the thing. She knows precisely *zip* about John. And given how for her love=happiness…It really, really doesn’t look good.

If/When the ship crashes, it will be in service of Roxy’s character arc. She needs to learn that she doesn’t need a guy, or anyone else, to be happy.

Apologies for using your ask as a springboard for a theory post, Neon, but it seemed like as a good an opportunity as any.

Hope you enjoyed!

I’ll forget what I’ve done, I will be redefined
A personal essay about Years & Years

(Content warning for discussion of depression)

I bought Years & Years’ album ‘Communion’ around three days before a depression that had threatened to arrive for several weeks hit me harder than it had for several years. It became the soundtrack to that particular bout of my illness, and my recovery, as well as the other side, where I am now. It would be corny and embarrassing to turn this into a confessional, but this record, and Olly Alexander’s voice in particular, felt so much like a friend to me during the summer of 2015 (I listened to ‘Communion’ every day) that I can’t help but align it very specifically to my personal experiences.

During the worst weeks, I had almost completely pushed away everyone that I cared about. I rejected all but the barest, blandest contact with my friends, my boyfriend, my mum. They knew what was going on of course, but I didn’t think I deserved contact with any of them. None of them felt real, it was just me and ‘this’. There was nothing else and I could see no future for myself – not in a nihilistic way, in a genuine, pathetic, banal way. I needed something to tell me who I was again, because I was losing that, and I couldn’t find the words myself.

I booked a holiday to Paris by myself because I needed to be somewhere where I didn’t know anyone and I didn’t speak the language and I couldn’t face the idea of being around anyone else for 3 days straight. I spent the holiday walking around Pigalle and Rome, looking at paintings, writing idealistic, indulgent, awful prose about beautiful boys I saw sat outside cafes and listening to Years & Years over and over and over again. On the last day, I walked through the station to get my Eurostar home, passed a billboard for ‘Communion’, and almost burst into tears.

I’m not going to go into huge detail or specifics about what it was that made ‘Communion’ the thing that I latched onto (as this isn’t a confessional). It was everything that I’ve already talked about – the longing, the dancing while crying, the tension between feeling in the moment and looking back differently. I saw my friend do a lecture earlier this week on symbolism in Victorian art, and one of the things that she talked about was how symbolism was about giving the viewer something to interpret, it was about the potential of the symbol rather than the specific, concrete meaning of it. I think that’s the magic of deriving meaning from music, too – it doesn’t matter why a certain song means the thing you want it to mean, or how you got to that point. It matters that it means something at all.

I wrote yesterday about finding it difficult to listen to ‘Shine’, and I think this is because on a record that described my feelings of confusion and self-doubt perfectly, it initially appeared too cheerful, too removed from what I was experiencing when I first starting listening to ‘Communion’. I often skipped it when listening to the album. But when I started to feel better, it felt more like a release and a celebration of vitality than a reminder of what I was missing out on, what ‘normal’ people were feeling. The line ‘I’ll forget what I’ve done / I will be redefined’ really helped me, as did the repeated ‘ooh ooh oohs’ when they reappear at the very end of the song, the bit that feels like coming out of a haze into the light. That’s so, so cheesy, I know – but after feeling nothing every single day for so long, taking solace in anything is a fucking miracle, and it doesn’t matter if it’s tacky or clichéd or just some backing vocals that aren’t even real words.

I’ve always been a fan of overwrought emotional art – I like Pedro Almodovar and Bas Jan Ader and the Romantic poets – but it all felt like it was from another time, a time when I was better. These books and films and songs felt like my friends, which is why I pushed them away. Years & Years was new and that’s why it showed me myself and let me get better. I’ll forget what I’ve done, I will be redefined.

‘Communion’ feels more personal than anything I could ever make myself. It feels so personal because it’s not showing me to the world, it’s not expressing whatever representation of myself that I want to show to others; it’s showing me to me. This is what you feel. This is what you have always felt. This is who you are, really, and what nobody else can know. The name feel appropriate.

Of course, Olly and Mikey and Emre didn’t ask for this, and I wonder whether relating so closely to someone else’s art is like an invasion of personal space. Isn’t it such a cliché anyway? A record ‘saving’ you? Pop music knowing you better than you know yourself? Popstars putting the words in your mouth? Isn’t that why it’s called pop music? Because it’s popular, it’s usual, it’s common, it’s what we all think and feel and do and see. It’s lowest common denominator. It tells us what we feel so that we don’t have to articulate it by making records ourselves. Does everyone else really feel like that too? It is showing everyone themselves, like it shows me myself? Does everyone feel like me? Am I usual, common, like everyone else?

I’ve never really, really loved anything that’s super super popular before. Pop music makes up the majority of what I listen to on the daily, and I’m a major advocate for pop, but the songs that I relate the most deeply and specifically to, the songs that speak my thoughts back to me, tend to be from artists who are popular but not million-selling, Radio 1 A listers – Elliott Smith, Owen Pallett, Patrick Wolf.

Years & Years are super super popular. I have to admit it is a new experience for me to watch them performing ‘Real’ or ‘Foundation’ or ‘Memo’ in front of a large crowd at a festival, and see everyone else singing along. All of those people – do they feel it like I feel it? The sensation of feeling a deep connection to a certain group or a certain song taken to the extreme is feeling like it’s just you, you REALLY get it, all these other people couldn’t possibly understand. When Olly Aexander looks down the camera at the beginning of the ‘King’ video, when he looks into the crowd, it’s YOU he’s looking at. It’s selfish, and you obviously know it isn’t true, but a part of you believes it.

This is part of the inherent competitiveness that exists in fandom, too. Who’s liked them the longest? Who likes them the most? Who likes them in the right way? This kind of thing is mostly associated with pop fandom, boyband fandom or anything else that’s enjoyed by teenage girls, and it’s evident in Years & Years fandom too – every post on Instagram and Twitter is followed by hundreds of replies and comments and confessions of love and pleas to be noticed and requests to play Poland/Chicago/Germany/etc again.

I have nothing whatsoever against these expressions of fandom, but I don’t feel I relate to them either, which is probably normal for a 28-year old woman. I’ve spoken a lot about duality this week, about the power of Olly Alexander’s performance and Years & Years’ music being in their ability to be one thing and the other at the same time. I feel that same duality when I go see Years & Years – when I’m in a crowd, dancing, enjoying it with everyone else, feeling part of a larger something, but also reflecting, and feeling a connection to it that’s so, so personal and specific to me. ‘Communion’ didn’t save my life, but it certainly helped me to live in it again as a fully functioning person.

(that’s my hand and my friend’s top hat)

After you’ve broken up...

Harry:

I walk around the party absent-mindedly, my brain buzzing from the alcohol. My best friend, Michael, walks up to me and I turn to him and smile. “How are you doing?” he asks. I reply with, “I’m okay,” which I say a lot because I don’t like to lie and tell people that “I’m great” when I’m not. “What’s on your mind?” he frowns, “is it Harry?” I roll my eyes. “Yeah,” I sigh as a more emotional song comes on the speakers and I groan (aren’t parties supposed to always have upbeat songs?) “I saw him talking with a girl,” I say quietly. “Do you know her?” “Yeah,” I nod, “It’s his ex. Cara.” “You know they’re just friends,” Michael pats my back. “It’s not my business who he talks to. It’s his life and we’re not even together anymore.” Harry and I broke up because we can’t stop fighting and ever since he started his otra tour we hadn’t been talking and so we called it off. It wasn’t one of those “clean” breakups. He was very defensive and told me that he loved me about a billion times that night, but I explained to him that I simply couldn’t do it anymore and that I don’t believe in long distance. “She’s really pretty,” I sulk. “And so are you,” Michael says loudly, “And if you really want him, you should tell him that.” I look at Michael and purse my lips with sad eyes and fix my skirt before starting to walk down the stairs with him. As I’m walking down, I see Harry start to walk to the door alone. I instantly start to get nervous, my heart beating really hard in my chest and the alcohol starting to sting my eyes as if my tears are made out of vodka. Harry catches a glimpse of me, turning his entire head to look up at me walking down the stairs. The moment seems like it lasts forever, when really, it lasted less than a single second. He walks by the staircase and to the front door as if he didn’t even know who I was. As if we were strangers and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach and I bite my bottom lip hard, trying to contain myself. I finish walking down the stairs and watch him leave the house. I immediately retire to the kitchen and take an entire bottle of vodka in a hand and gulp down the few shots that was left in it, knowing that I’ll never even have him. Not even as a friend.

Louis:

I open my computer and rest it on my lap, the apartment seeming incredibly empty since my boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, moved out about a week and a half ago, leaving hardly a trace except for the smell of his cologne. I have hardly left my house in days. It was a really stupid reason why we broke up, too. He was under the impression that I wanted to move on because Harry, his best friend and my closest guy friend, and I were talking and he overheard us. He said he heard me say, “I don’t know if it’s going to work out. We’ve been in the same place for a while and I feel like I want something to happen for a change.” He thought I wanted to break up, but I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I wanted to marry him. Now I’m left with a massive lump in my throat that’s been there for days and a cabinet running low on food, which probably means I should go to the supermarket soon and stock up on popcorn and soups. I search up “one direction interview” online and instantly an interview comes up, with the date saying it happened two days ago. I quickly click on it and turn up the volume. It’s pretty boring for the most part until the interview says, “Louis…” sort of somberly and I immediately chime in. “So… this is recent and if you don’t want to answer, you have every right… but you and Y/N recently split, am I right?” Louis looks up at her and shows his teeth with a sad smile and then it disappears. He doesn’t say anything and so the interviewer keeps talking. “but all the fans want to know why… I mean, you two were together for a pretty solid amount of time, am I right? You were such a lovely couple.” I bite my lip in anticipation and wait for his answer. He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees, wiping something out of his eye to avoid eye contact. “Yeah, uh,” he stutters, “We did recently… break up… I don’t know if she’d want to keep it confidential for now… so I think we should just honor the chances she doesn’t want it broadcasted…” My heart beats hard in my chest as I stare at him. “I respect that,” the interviewer says and he purses his lips and nods again and they just move on with the interview. Louis looks sad the whole rest of the time and I grab my phone, unlocking it and clicking on our text conversation. The last thing it read is “coming home now,” the night he overheard me and Harry and I click on the text box and stare at it for a second, thinking of what to write. I slowly type in the words “I love you” and then look at it blankly and raise my finger next to the send button. After a few moments of overthinking, I delete the letters one by one and close my computer.

Liam:

I walk to the backstage area, going to pick up Niall because he promised me a night out a little while ago. Niall and I had become really close friends since Liam and I started dating about nine months ago. I peer through the door, which is cracked open, but decide not to come in when I see Liam sitting across from Niall shirtless. I stand there and just eavesdrop a little. “You’re taking her out to dinner?” he asks and I know immediately that they’re talking about me. “Bro, just because you two split, doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends anymore,” Niall defends and Liam squirms a bit, resting his jaw on his hand and moving his head around a bunch with a sort of bitter look on his face. Then I accidentally press on the door a bit and Liam’s head whips around and we make eye contact. Great. Now I have to walk in. I open the door slowly and step partially inside. My eyes remain on Liam as he stares at me. “Hi, Liam,” I say quietly and then can’t help but smile because he looks really cute. He rests his head in his hands and then smiles faintly at me and my heart melts a little bit. “Ready?” Niall interrupts and I snap out of it and look at him. “Uh, yeah,” I nod and then look back at Liam. “See you around, Y/N,” he says quietly. “I hope so,” I whisper, kind of hoping he heard me.

Niall:

“I don’t know,” I puff out a sigh, looking at him look away from me, “I just think it’s time… you know?” “No,” he shakes his head, “I don’t know. In fact, I think it’s a very bad idea.” “You’re just… so busy all the time and I keep getting a bunch of hate and I don’t know how to handle it…” I decided to join him for his concert and when we were walking inside and a bunch of fans attacked me, called me fat and pathetic, worthless… and Niall did nothing about it. I don’t really expect him to much because there isn’t much he can do, but it’s just getting really overwhelming. Lost in thought, Niall snaps me out of it. “Y/N, what is this?” he asks, grabbing my hand and pulling up my sleeve a bit. I look at him blankly and then shake my head, tugging my arm away from him. “I’m going to be in the audience tonight,” I say, “I love you so much. I just need time.” “Yeah… the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing. I get it. You can just tell me you don’t want to be with me anymore.” “I do!” I frown, raising my voice, “I do! I just need to sort out some stuff. Niall, please.” He shakes his head, “unbelievable,” he utters and then starts to back away, turning and walking to the door where the other boys are. I walk to the A3 section, first row right next to the stage that the boys hooked me up with. I know I’m in view and the entire night I stand and sing along to the songs like nothing’s wrong and Liam, Harry, and Louis wave at me every once in a while and Niall avoids eye contact. He walks by to sing to this portion of the audience that he was ignoring because of me. I catch him look at me and I smile and wave, but he just runs his hand through his hair and walks the opposite direction, looking away and tears threaten to sting my eyes as I watch him continue to fake a smile and sing for his fans.

I’m a big girl now (Harry Styles imagine)

Masterlist

Daddys little kitten

Crashing down onto the duvet set beneath me i admired my boyfriends toned figure. He was an absolute sex god. I adore him. He is everything i’ve ever dreamed of and i wouldn’t change him for the world. Everything about him is perfect.

We met at school when i was 12. In year 8 i got moved to top set for Science and i got paired up with him. He was clever, but pretended to be the class clown. In fact, he still does. We instantly connected and well, the rest is history!

But now, im 17 and haven’t had the best life in the world. When i was 16 and taking my GCSE’s my parents walked out on me and my older brother Brody. They left us some money to survive with a small meaningless message stating that they couldn’t do it anymore. Pathetic, i know.

Luckily Brody finished university two years later and was able to get a job quite quickly in order to provide for us both. Life was good living with Brody and we managed to get by with the help of his left over student loans. However, when he realised i was with Harry things began to change. He was different with me and banned Harry was stepping foot in the house.

I was expected to listen to him having sex with random blondes over the weekends, but when it came to me having my boyfriend around it was condemned as being wrong. Hypocritical as far as i’m concerned.

So now i have to sneak Harry in the house. We didn’t tell his mum and step dad as it’s not something you really bring up in conversation is it? Plus, if i spend too much time at his place it will become obvious.

So here i am, trying to embrace the small amount of time i have with my boyfriend. 

-

“Try and stay quiet baby” he murmured whilst peppering wet sensual kisses down my neck. Brody has no clue about mine and Harry’s relationship. He just can’t grasp the idea that im a big girl now. I can make my own decisions and date whoever i want. But not in his eyes. When he banned Harry from entering the house he also banned me from dating him. But i didn’t listen as usual.

Harry pulled my nightdress above my head and began to knead my breasts causing me to lightly moan. “Mmmm, Harry” i whispered seductively.

“You like that baby?” he asked whilst moving further down my body and breathing a hot breath onto my throbbing centre.

“Mmmmm, yes Daddy” i moaned.

“What the fuck?!” a loud voice was soon heard whilst harry fell on top of me in order to cover my half naked body. I grabbed my pajamas top and put it back on to cover my trembling body.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!” Brody shouted whilst grabbing Harry by his hair.

“Brody, please stop!” i began to whimper. My brother didn’t listen. No, he did the complete opposite. He began to punch my innocent boyfriend repeatedly. In the face, in the stomach, everywhere he could.

Now Harry is tall, but he isn’t exactly buff or strong, not compared to Brody. Harry wouldn’t hurt a fly. “Brody stop!!!!” i screamed. “Leave him alone!!”

Harry’s trembling body began to cough and wheeze. “No, im going to show ‘daddy’ the consequences of messing with MY sister” Brody shouted whilst dragging Harry out of my room and into the hallway. He then threw him backwards into the wall causing Harry to yelp out in pain.

My shaking limbs collapsed next to Harry whilst i pulled him into me and cuddled him tightly. “Baby, its going to be okay” i whispered into his ear. He groaned as a reply.

Just then hustling from downstairs could be heard. It was the sound of Brodys friends making their way upstairs to inspect the commotion. “Brody, what the fuck man?” Scott spoke dumbfounded by his best friends actions.

“He fucking deserved it. Nobody touches my sister like that!” he growled, clearly still angered. “He needs to get to hospital before he bleeds out!” Michael spoke.

“Don’t be a bunch of pussys” Brody spat whilst i climbed to my feet and ran into my room to put my Ugg boots and pants on. I reappeared onto the landing with my car keys in my hand.

“Can you boys please get him in my car. I need to get him to hospital” i trembled scared for my boyfriends well being. “Of course” Scott spoke whilst Michael ushered Harry downstairs and into my car.

I stared at Brody disgusted by his actions. “How could you!” i spat. “How could you do that to him! After everything he’s done for me Brody! After mum and dad left he was here for me and all you can do is beat him up!”

“Yeah, and i’ll do it again if i fucking have to!” my older brother shouted. I dramatically sighed and began to walk downstairs.

“You think everything is about you Brody but its not! I’m going to make sure Harry is okay and i’m staying at his until you sort you’re head out. And dont even try and stop me!”

Those were the last words i spoke to my brother.

This was requested by anon. Sorry i dont know who you are but i apologise for it taking so long! I hope you enjoy it! Message me with feedback.. thinking of making this into a fan fic if it does well! Like if you read!

Kirstie xx

Birthday - DP

Drabble request: Birthday

Requested by astrophantomplanet.

.

Jack woke up extra early on the ninth of December.  He slunk out of bed, careful to not wake his beautiful wife, walked past his sleeping children, and padded through the dark house.  The sun was hours from rising.  A cold chill had crept into the house overnight, making Jack shiver as he creaked open the door to the lab and worked his way downstairs.

Not turning on the fluorescent lights – they would be blindingly bright – Jack stood at the bottom of the stairs to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the lab.  Ectoplasm glowed from hundreds of different places in the lab, like little flashlights scattered around.  Green mist spun from the open portal, dancing across the floor in a glowing carpet. 

In the silence of the predawn hours, the ectoplasm buzzed.  The small overhead fan clicked as it spun in lazy circles.  The acrid scent of ozone curled through the lab.

Jack grinned.  This was his favorite place in the world.

He moved down through the lab, daring to walk across the darkened lab in bare feet.  The ectoplasmic mist on the floor was disturbed by his passage, swirling up like little feathers before settling back down to the floor.  Really, he should turn on the air filters and clean the air before being down here for too long, but something else that had his attention this morning.  It sat on the table in the corner of the lab, a bright green bow on top.  It was his birthday present.

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