you have have all my monies

Nothing says “sorry” like Roses

Namjoon x Reader

1.4k words

Genre: Fluff

Summary: You wok at a flower shop, and Namjoon needs something that says “sorry I burned your kitchen down and spilled your grandmothers ashes; please give my dog back.” 


“What did you do?” 

The words slipped past your lips before you could stop them, but it was an obvious question that you didn’t usually have to ask. Normally, when nervous men walked into the small florist shop, they wanted nothing more than to tell you why they were sleeping on the couch this time. You had heard everything, nothing surprised you anymore–other than this clumsy young man wandering around as though he had no idea how he had gotten there.

“Sorry?” He said, turning abruptly to face you.

“Not to be nosy, but I might be able to help you if I know what you’re looking for–or what you’re apologizing for.” You said, and the man rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at the floor. “You don’t have to tell me, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” 

“I set her kitchen on fire.” He muttered after a moment.

“Oh. Well nothing says sorry like roses–” You started, but he shook his head.

“That’s not all. I broke her vase…” 

“That’s not so bad.” You said, giving him a reassuring smile. “You can give her a new one with the flowers.”

He shook his head again. “It had her grandmothers ashes in it.” 

“Oh.” That had you stumped for a moment, and he continued before you recovered. 

“Her parents hate me. She says I don’t spend enough time with her. She moved out last week and took my dog. So I need something that says “Sorry I burned down half your house, spilled your grandmothers ashes, and that I’m not very likable. Please forgive me, and give Monie back.” 

You nodded slowly. This would be tough. If you had known him as a friend, you probably would have told him to give up–at some point, relationships weren’t going to get better. You had seen it all, heard it all, and flowers could only do so much; you weren’t a miracle worker.

But not only was he a customer, his dog was at stake.

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3

LEGEND OF KORRA: TURF WARS PART ONE GIVEAWAY!!!

Hello Everyone! The long awaited day is here and the book released today at local comic stores!!!

I personally ran into some issues getting my hands on the book but I managed to find a place with spares and bought an extra to do a giveaway! I wanted to do my part to support the artist, especially after all the leaks. 

Cause SUPPORT YO’ ARTISTS!

So one lucky person will receive one copy of the book absolutely free and within a comic sleeve as pictured! Unread, as I have my own copy.

WE TALKIN’ PRISTINE HERE!!!

Below are the rules:

  • 1. You *DO NOT* have to be following me. I’m not doing this for followers and honestly I personally don’t care about a follow count. (In fact if you follow me you have my sincerest apologies)
  • 2. Must be living in the US and willing to provide your address if I contact you. Sorry but I’m currently on short term disability and international shipping is $$$ cash monies $$$. Also if you are under 18 please make sure that you have permission from a parent or guardian to disclose your address! The book is all ages listed so no issues there!
  • 3. Reblogs and likes both count, I honestly don’t care I just want to spread the love! So everyone can get up to 2 chances!

GIVEAWAY ENDS NEXT MONDAY (JULY 31) AT 11:59PM EST!!!

If contacted and messaged, you have 24 hours to respond (i will list the time you have to respond by in my message!) If you do not respond I will reroll a winner and they have 24 hrs and so on!

@prom-knight Thank you so much for all that you are doing, congrats on the book doing so well that its sold out already in places. You have done a wonderful job with your fantastic artwork and can’t wait to see the rest!!

By Night ~ Taehyung x Reader

Rated: M (thigh riding, daddy kink)

Genre: Smut (some initial fluff)

Word count: 1,286    

This is my first BTS fic ever, I hope it’s ok please don’t judge too hard! Xx I’ve been inspired by a lot of videos of sleepy Tae from Bon Voyage! 

You’d just finished brushing your teeth. It was the end of a long day’s work, and you were so incredibly ready for a good night’s sleep. Carefully placing your toothbrush back in the cup holder, you waddled out the bathroom door, switching the light off as you went.

It was quiet.

Unusually quiet. However, you could make out a large lump under the tangled crisp white bedsheets. Curiously stepping nearer this figure, you began to hear noises.

‘Hmph…… er mmmmm’ almost a moan. You could hear the clicking of saliva as a tired boy pursed and un-pursed his lips repeatedly in an evidently deep state of slumber. Finally reaching the figure, you could see the mop of tousled, sandy brown hair sticking in various directions just above the top of the sheets.

Ever so delicately, you smoothed your hand lightly into this bushy but fluffy caramel mess, until you picked up a pace and began to rake your hands continuously through the luscious locks. The boy’s eyebrows began to knit together and furrow. Could it be….. a nightmare?

As if in a struggle or through irritation, the boy restlessly shifted, tossing and turning in his warm cocoon. More of his facial features came into view. This was the angel you knew laid so vulnerably before you.

In that moment, his lips looked so peach pink, plush and temptingly kissable. His long, feathery lashes, which gave his face a youthful look fluttered like the tiniest wings of a butterfly. The side profile view did wonders to show off his accented jawline, and his honeyed skin glowed under the soft amber bedroom lighting.

He still had smudges of eyeliner, the remains of make-up he had failed to wipe off in a hurry to fall into the cushiony nest.

Not only this, but his neck was also in perfect view, stretched out before you.

What you could only dream of doing to this boy right now….

Part of you wanted to start gentle, be soft and playful. Pepper light kisses starting at his nose, being sure to kiss every beautiful feature. But then again, that sinful, manly, vein covered neck. Those pouty, pretty lips. What would It be like to scatter hickeys all over that neck? Mark the territory? Mark what is yours and will only be yours? Lick a long, wet stripe up it?

You were torn.

“J-Jagiya…”

“Jagiya please…”

A deep, throaty and guttural moan echoed off the bedroom walls.

“H-hnnnnng please I’m desperate… so-so desperate…. I-hnn”

All of a sudden, a pair of firm, strong hands gripped sharply, digging into your hipbones. The next minute, you were flopped the other side of this boy held in a tight embrace, staring into the deep, sparkling almost lustful orbs of….

KIM TAEHYUNG.

“Jagiya….. you finally came.”

You were so confused, you had been here all this time. He must have been deeply dreaming. Your head was whirling and you couldn’t think straight. You could only focus on the jewelled beads of sweat pouring down this prince’s face, threatening to spill into his smokey eye make-up, framing the hooded cat eyes.

The boy man pulled you in harshly, making you gasp in shock. You could feel a wetness closing around the fleshy shell of your ear as sucking noises filled your surroundings. A deep, yet whispered moaning groan flooded your senses:

“Don’t you ever think about leaving me this way again…”

The man proceeded to nibble and bite down on the lobe of your ear as he gripped you increasingly tighter and tighter.

“Mmmmmm you don’t know how long I’ve waited…”

The man flipped you over as your blurred, lust cloud vision tried to make out the swirling patterns of the ceiling above. He had pinned you down, his thick thighs straddling either side of you. He tilted your chin up, staring face to face with this sinful angel. His look was challenging and cocky. He smirked and ran his tongue teasingly slowly over his bleeding bottom lip, from where he had obviously viciously bit down a little too hard.

Slowly, he began to run his large palms up and down, up and down feverishly at the sides of your body. It was slow. So, so slow. You were a shivering mess, the electricity had ignited within you, a burning fire sending tingles all over.

He placed a long finger abruptly against your lips, regaining your senses.

He bent down towards your neck……

“Shhhh, don’t tell.”

He licked a long, wet stripe up your neck and blew hot air across the large surface area. You closed your eyes, as your breathing became more rapid and irregular.

He then proceeded by pulling you into a deep and passionate kiss, It was very rough and it was as if you could feel the sexual tension burn between the two of you, sparks flying. He didn’t hold back, sucking on your fleshy bottom lip and biting down ravenously like a vampire trying to draw blood. 

It was hard to hold back your moans as he went to nibble on your collarbones, beginning to grope whatever he could get hold of, your breasts and sometimes even your ass. How could this man be as sweet as one of heaven’s angels but as devilish and horny as hell?

“Mmmmmmm you’ve been a naughty girl.” He purred seductively, his voice dripping with hunger as he chuckled smugly.

You began grasping his large, meaty thighs, kissing the inners, getting closer and closer to your prize. But a husky honey voice interrupted your actions. 

“Did daddy say you could touch? Does baby want a punishment?”

You remained silent, simply opting to bite your lip and continued to stroke this man who had been sculpted by the gods. 

“Touch without permission one more time and you’ll be in for a spanking kitten - don’t test me, you don’t know what I’m capable of.”

“Now, if you’re so obsessed with my thighs, why don’t you show daddy what you can do…” 

You wasted no time in stripping down to just your underwear and clambering on top of Tae’s thigh, bouncing up and down in anticipation.

You slowly started grinding smoothly over the man’s leather clad thigh back and forth, shivering from the pure pleasure it sent straight through to your core.

Your whines combined with Tae’s animalistic groaning, panting and grunting was simply orgasmic. You knew it wasn’t long until you would reach climax.

“Ugh… oh my god….. Jagiya…. p-please don’t stop angel you feel so wet, I’m so hard fu-”

That was the final straw, with a deep drawn out sigh your legs spasmed uncontrollably as you rode out your orgasm.

“Y/N, touch me…. touch me right now.”

You palmed his rock-hard cock through the material of his black skinnies before reaching into his boxers, spreading the precum before licking the head.

With just a few strokes, Tae was shooting his load over his golden chocolate abs with whispers and promises of forever, the lust still laced clearly in his voice.

The room was once again silent, only small whimpers and tiny pants reverberated around the suite.

Opening your eyes, you were met with the elusive Kim Taehyung once more. This was in no way a dream. He greeted you with a boxy smile, a faint pink blush tinting his cheeks, planting a single chaste kiss on your forehead. 

“So up for another round Y/N? I still think your spanking is in order for waking me from my beauty sleep.” Tae lowly whispered as he innocently ran his long fingers through your disheveled mess of hair.

The duality of this man…… if one thing was for certain, you knew you were in for a long night for sure……

I have sinned, and I am so so sorry. Thank you so much for reading though! I hope it didn’t suck too much! Remember my asks are open if you have any questions at all or if you want to request a BTS fic! I’d consider doing ships too! I love Jikook and Sope ♡

Like Father, Like Son | Rap Monster

Originally posted by rapnamu

Description: You go out shopping with your family when Namjoon and your son get sucked into the world of Kakao Friends store.

Word Count: 1k

[Masterlist]


The bookstore has always been my favorite place to spend a huge chunk of time. It’s relaxing and it’s also where I met my husband, Namjoon.

We were in the same section browsing the opposite ends of the non-fiction alphabets. The space was small so once we both reached the center of the bookcase we had to shimmy by each other. Shorty after, I ended up wanting a book from the top half of the shelf that I had to overstretch myself and still couldn’t reach until Namjoon handed me the same book he had been holding and got another one for himself easily, due to his height. We ended up going out for coffee to talk about the book we both ended up getting.

When Moni was born Namjoon read to him every night whenever he was home. He would lay Moni on his chest in the rocking chair of the nursery and read different types of books. As Moni got older he liked looking at the photos in the books until he learned how to read then he started reading more and more.

As soon as we enter the bookstore, Moni goes straight for the children’s sections. Namjoon and I go our separate ways into the store. A few minutes go by as I wonder around each sections of genre. I finally find a book that sparks my interest but it’s on the top shelf. I extend my hand to see if I even have a chance at reaching it. To my dismay, my fingertips only reach the bottom of the book, not enough to slide it out.

Suddenly, someone is pushing into my back to reach up for that same book, “Ma'am, you have really good taste in books.”

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THIS IS MY HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS MADE THIS POSSIBLE — !

like honestly,  you guys are incredible ?? i owe you all so much for making me feel so welcomed & loved in such a short span of time ! i’ve only been up for a few months & i’m already loving you guys so much. i have made some really close friends already, who deserve a lil’ special THANK YOU of their own. so without further ado, here is a huge thank you to these cocoNUTS

@facadesmiled / ace

ace, man, where do i even begin ?? we’ve been through it all…the thick, the thin & basically everything in - between. it’s just been the two of us together for literal YEARS now - it’s nuts but in a wonderful way. you never cease to make me smile & feel giddy & happy, you are honestly the brightest & sweetest ray of sunshine & incredibly talented in everything you do. & i will never thank you enough for all you’ve done for me : when i needed a shoulder to cry on, when i needed someone to rant with, when i have bizarre rarepair ships that border on the edge of crack & seriousness, & when i simply want to relax. i’m keeping this short for the sake of things, but honestly i cannot express how much you have meant to me & will always mean to me through words alone, & i’m proud to call you my girlfriend  ♥ ♥ ♥

@moanaialiki / monie !

MONIE MONIE MONIE !! i am so glad that i approached you on anon that one day shyly introducing myself as “a new maui” bc honestly? that started the budding of a beautiful friendship between us & i’m always glad that i did befriend you, because you’ve ended up meaning a hell of a lot to me. your mo.a.na is amazing & you bring your own beautiful take on her to the table, but you are equally amazing as your own memey self. i’m so glad i was able to find you & click with you, because you really DO mean a lot to me & i’ll never take you for granted !!

@seetheirsoul / @servesthegods / blue !

BL U E !! you’re an amazing person to talk to & your portrayals are always so flawless ?? thank you for bringing to life kubo & allowing me to cry about these two demigod brothers with you ! i’m so glad i’ve been able to form a friendship with you & given ma.ui such a meaningful relationship. i hope to continue to get to know you better & breaking our hearts with these lovely boys !!


& now onto the rest of my mutuals & beloved followers, who i am eternally grateful for, below the cut. pardon if i missed anyone ! in no particular order  )

Keep reading

Army’s right now and the following week ʘ‿ʘ

Hearing that our boys are making it big once again.

Hearing that all concerts are sold out, because it’s the only chance we have lol

Waiting to see other artist reaction to DNA and our fanchat like:

And looking all JUNGSHOOK…

US FINDING OUT MORE NEWS ABOUT THEM

And just patiently waiting for this day to come

Us when we see our boys perform in our T.V.

Cry as well

Us as well if we see any hate comments of them

And lastly us when everything is over

Lastly, can I just say that I am so proud of them making history and to see how far they have come. I been an army since their debut and it makes me feel like a proud mother. I know for sure I’m going to cry when I get to see them on my screen. I thank you all army’s that have been supportive and have stick with our boys in their tough times. Once again protect our boys from all cost and send them many love, like they do to us.

Piece by Piece (1/?)

Requested by anon : A fic based off Piece by Piece by Kelly Clarkson. This is going to be a multi chapter fic. I have no idea how many chapters yet but I like the idea so I’m gonna see where it takes me.

Title :  Piece by Piece

Pairing : Derek Morgan x Reader

POV :Mostly Derek’s but switches occasionally

Word count : 1273

Not beta read, sorry for the bad grammar and any typos


Originally posted by prettyboyspence


“Are you sure she will be okay with this?” Reid asked nervously as he and Morgan stood outside Y/n’s door.

“Of course she’ll be fine with this, she loves us. And besides Garcia will kill you if we didn’t invite her to the picnic” Morgan chuckled knocking on her door.

He secretly couldn’t wait to see her face. He envisioned her with messy hair, big round eyes and gaping mouth. Maybe she would be wearing shorts, or barely any clothing, or naked or…

“Who are you?”

The men looked left and right trying to identify the voice. “Did you hear that?” Morgan asked Reid.

“I’m down here”

They looked down to see a little girl peeking through the doorway.

“Hey sweetie is ….”

“What’s your name” she pouted, eyebrows furrowed in anger as she pointed at Morgan.

“Derek. And this is my friend Spencer. We are friends of Y/n’s is she here?” He replied crouching down.

“I need to see some ID please” she ordered, crossing her arms around her chest.

 He smirked and showed her his FBI badge. She pulled it from his hands squinting at the photograph and then at Morgan’s face.

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so i would just like to say a very HUGE thank you to everyone reading this. i made eleven on a whim - she was originally an oc for the book i’m writing, but i was rewatching stranger things at the time and decided to turn it into an eleven blog with the help of a few friends. i’ve always been very nervous about my portrayal of eleven, mostly because i was not the first and not the only one and due to my anxiety i’ve always been weary of playing canon characters for these reasons. but through eleven ( & just recently might i add ) i’ve kind of learned to accept certain things about myself and about playing a canon character that i hadn’t realized before. not to mention i have made some wonderful friends in the month i’ve been here. you all have been so kind to me on even my worst days, and i cannot thank you enough. so below is a list of some wonderful people, and i can’t wait to write more with all of you. - syd x

Keep reading

gbeing trangendre trensexuel go to docttoreé and get to th surger How Ity Goes Whend

Hewwlo Dottore. Please’d To Meet Yo MO

ny New Legal Name is; Brebst Growth. u. 

Thansk For Doing  (Thinking About Doing) The Vaginé Surger On Me Pingy. 

I Ahm Hev Beein On Hromongs For One Year. 

Beeng Presant As Feminininine For One Year. 

MY parentsw Are Accepting. 

Grumperents Dead So Dont Half Two Wory About That. Haha,. 

Yesth I Am Aware Thast I Wil Not Be Allow To Sex Fuxk For Threiy Month.

Yeash th I Aknow About That I Will Have To Dialate A lot At First And Then Not As Much Later,.

Yeah U I HAve All These PAperworksn For You From Psychonologists From About With Into Doing Assesmnet About MY Gender Dyspongia. 

*drops the paperss* Oh Woops. Im Juous t A Little NButterfingers Today. Oh You Got it. Great, Good. 

Oueh You Want ME To MAke Sure I nUNderstnad The Resulkmt OF Srugery. YEs. I Will Look At These PHotographsg.

….

YEah Thats A Pingye.s

….

Yes. That’s Vageing. A. Aftergusergery. (Immediate) There’s Sutures.

THast Afyter Sixth Monbth Healing. More Healed Than BEfore Was. 

Thast After ONE Year HElaoning. Much More EHEalted. Healed. Looks Good Todd. Whose Todd? Oh Just A Little Ingside Joke. Sorry Dottore.\

Anywhom Inm Amnswer Two You’re HQuestoin Yes I’m Certina That Vegina Is Right For MNie. 

Well It was Nice To Meet You Too. 

Schedule Next Abouintment With Admin? YEs Will Do. CErtainly.
Godbye Dottore

anonymous asked:

Omg i love Moni and I love his fashion and I love his his characterization and I just really love Moni??? Can I draw fanart of him? Would he get along with fallen angels? Does he think the human fashion industry is trash lmao Does he have a background? Does he stay in hell or on Earth? Does he have a role in Hell? Does he even live in Hell

Oh my god there’s so much happening in this ask but first of all thank you!!! I’m glad to hear that you like him aaaahhh I’m so happy for all the kind words and everything!! ;; Fanart is always welcome, even the thought itself is warming my heart!

Rest I’ll be putting under a cut since this ended up being much longer explanation that I anticipated lmao—

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60 truths tag

Thanks for tagging me @kookmejeon
1. Nickname(s): potato, lazy, motionless,savage
2. Bias: Christian Chimchim
3. Blood type:  A
4. Relationship status: Mentally taken by Park Jimin
5. Birthday: 30 July
6. Zodiac sign: Leo
7. Pronouns: She/her
8. Hair length: medium
9. Height: 5′4 | cm
10. A crush: Actually 7 all of BTS
11. What do you like about yourself: oh god so hard whyyy I am very funny
12. Right or left handed: Right handed
13. List of three favourite colours: Pink, red and BLUEEE!
14. Right now eating: Noodles
15. Right now drinking: Water
16. I’m about to: write some crap fanfic
17. Listening to: BTS Spring Days
18. Kids: Depends
19. Get married: Someday
20. Recent phone call: Dad
21. Have you ever dated someone twice: Nope
22. Been cheated on: Nope
23. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed someone only my parents and cat
24. Lost someone special: Nope
25. Been depressed: When the teacher give holiday homework
26. Been drunk and thrown up: Nope. I can’t even drink so yeah
27. Had glasses or contacts: No but I think I might need them in the future
28. Had sex on a first date: Nope , I have never been on a date
29. Broken someone’s heart: Yes by eating their food in front of them
30. Turned someone down: Nope
31. Cried when someone died: Nobody I know died
32. Fallen for a friend: Nope
33. In the last year have you made a new friend: Yes 5 kpopers, my cousins friend and people I met at random places because I played my music too loud.
34. Fallen out of love: Noppe
35. Laughed until you cry: I don’t cry much when I do it got something to do with Kpop and BTS
36. Met someone who changed you: My best friend changed me and BTS (especially he innocence)
37. Found out who your true friends were: I knowww
38. Found out someone was talking about you: If I did , they would be running but I wouldn’t care hater going to hate
39. Lips or eyes: Lips
40. Hugs or kisses: Both but more kisses
41. Shorter or taller: Shorter than me friend they tease me and I get my revenge
42. Romantic or spontaneous: Both
43. Sensitive or loud: Both
44. Hookup or relationship: Relationship
45. First best friend: First day of school. Are still are best friends
46. Surgery: None
47. Sports I joined:  Irish dancing , tennis and swimming
48. Do you believe in yourself: Yes when it comes to BTS
49. Miracles: Happen
50. Love at first sight: ice cream
51. Heaven: Hell
52. Do you have any pets: I have a cat called Luna and four fish : Tae, James, Monie and Picky
53. Do you want to change your name: No I find my name unique
54. What did you do for your last birthday: Eat cake and sleep
55. What time did you wake up today: I was awake all night reading fanfics
56. What were you doing last night at midnight: Reading fanfics
57. Something you can’t wait for: SUMMER and BTS’s new albums
58. Last time you saw your mom: One second ago she is sitting in front of me
59. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Found out about Kpop sooner
60. What’s getting on your nerves: homework and then people say Kpop is Chinese or Japanese

I want to tag: @fandomslut900 @randomlazymusiclover @bfkook @jungk0oksthighs @hoseoks-hoe @whatwhot @with-kook @emomemekook @exoticmaknae @earthtotaehyung @thetextingbangtan @textingseventeen-bts @textmeillbuyyoufood @yoongguksx @yoongiisii @ursa2416 @infires-reactions @our-kpopreact @park-jimeme @allforbts @armyfanclub @aigoothais @smuttyassholes @sugaswagboy @sugamysavagebaby @softspringday @funnyransom @frenchmonhannah @googlebts @got7exobtsfluffyfiction @hoseoks-hoe @jungkookfortunekookies @j-hoe-imagines @jik-ook @kpopfanfictrash @kookies-for-taehyung @kpop-text-messages @kpopfanticscenarios @lilacnamjoon @lmaobangtanboys @lattaewithsuga @littleadventures21 @cowjimin @chokemejimin @btslovestrong @bts-meme @btsiconsw @btsgroupchat @bangtanbombimagines @minminyoongi @meme–suga @mint-kook @marikit257

anonymous asked:

do y'all realise that exols are just as problematic too? check yourself before you come for bts.

SJSDJDJ im saying this for the last time .. i have nothing against bts .. i was a stan .. i spent all my monies on seeing them in concert i rlly have no reason to hate them .. so why are ppl coming at me for liking exo as if im doing the same to them for liking bts djfd can u not read or

unaccountablypeckishmrbishop  asked:

Oh, Lord Momonga, I have a proposal for increasing the economic power of Ainz Ooal Gown. Since coins from YGGDRASIL can be sold for nearly five times the amount of gold in the New World, why not sell them, and then put the newly acquired New World coins through the Exchange Box. It values items based on their material, so a New World coin, or two since that is the base value the YGGDRASIL coins seem to be worth, should result in a YGGDRASIL coin, which could be sold. Infinite monies cheat!!

Surely you have considered that using Yggdrasil currency will result in a large  information compromise for the Sorcerous Kingdom.  So far, players have yet to try and get in my way, but they may still exist somewhere. There is also no guarantee that the new world coins I receive will all be 100% quality gold.  There is potential for counterfeit and lower purity standards as well.  There is simply too much at risk here.  It would be far more interesting to establish a nation and begin a taxing scheme in exchange for long term stability in an uncertain world. 

doctorzero  asked:

Hey, you're in a position to answer something I've always wondered. I hope I'm not being too indelicate by asking, and fell free to tell me where to shove it if I am, but I'm curious about the practical day-to-day impact of having mechanical digits. When everything is built with the assumption you've got ten squishy meat-fingers, how does having a rad robohand affect things like typing, cooking, playing with kittens, manufacturing improvised explosives, and other daily hand-specific tasks?

Ok, so I’m gonna have to start this out by saying that I’m a HUGE fan of your work (especially the latest stuff, you keep getting better) and a lot of it has been a huge inspiration to me, for better or worse. 

If anyone else is reading this, and wants to know what a cyborg has playing on loop all day every day, go check this marvelous individual out, and maybe give them some monies to make more.

Now that my fangirling is out of the way, on to the hands.

The first thing you notice is that my hand is big. I haven’t posted any pictures in a while (though that should change shortly) but, where my bio hand is a solid Large, my mech hand is well into the XXL range. Most lever handles designed for average hands take three out of four fingers to use. You get pretty good at that pretty quickly, which leads me into the next thing:

It becomes a part of you so fast, you don’t even realize it. Within two weeks of wearing my hand, I was reaching for things with fingers I forgot to put on that morning. It becomes so natural to use you don’t even think about it.Not that it matters if I forget about it because

Everyone notices, and wants to know about it. Seriously. EVERYONE. It;s fine for me, because I think it’s the coolest fucking thing ever, but if I ever go out anywhere, I have to expect to tell someone about it. Cashiers, bus riders, people I’m standing in line with, people walking to class… Everywhere. I used to be very reserved and rather bad at talking to people, but I get a hell of a lot of practice now.

And then there’s the little things. I usually take it off for typing, because the big bulky fingers on the single muscle system can’t really handle little keys, but I can hold my phone or tablet in one hand easily, without accidentally activating the touch screen. I can lift hot lids off of pots, and choke up on the handle so my hand is right against the pot. 

I’m taking a Digital Electronics class right now, and between the plastic fingers and the rubber coating I can safely poke at something or use a claw to separate two resistors that want to touch but shouldn’t, without frying anything. I used to do a lot of work with christmas lights at my old job, and I could check and change bulbs on strips that were plugged in without fear if stabbing or shocking myself.

I can carry ALL the groceries in one trip, because I don’t have to deal with circulation. I can carry them in the cold for the same reason, and I can carry them for a long distance because the downward pull of the bags makes my fingers lock into a “closed” position, so I don’t even have to work to keep my fingers shut. My hand has a “cruse control” for carrying bags.

I can carry all the groceries for a long time through the freezing cold, because I still don’t have to worry about circulation.

This also goes for holding onto exceptionally hot or cold drinks. So long as it doesn’t cook the leather palm, I’m good. 

I will gleefully backhand large steel doors open just because that part of me is essentially made of armor, and I CAN. It also helps that I have a 3D printer behind me, that can replace any part of it in anywhere from two days to a few hours. My parts are semi-expendable.

A lot of my thoughts about my hand recently have been about the claws I’ve added recently. As a designer and fabricator, I can design my hands to look and feel exactly as I want, and they can have some crazy shit like that. Claws are super useful, in addition it being totally badass.

We’ve worked a lot of the kinks out over the last few years, But here are a few issues I’ve run into:

-six fingers broken in the first five weeks.

-Cable in pinkie finger broken, making everything super fancy.

-Cable broken in middle finger, making everyone offended.

Also, if my hand is getting in the way of something, I’ll take it off. I used to keep a carabiner on my hand to clip it too a belt loop if I felt the need to remove it. Then it became an “only whenever I’d be wearing shoes” kind of deal, where I’d put it on when I go out, and then take it off for most tasks at home. These days, as I upgrade my hand, and become more and more comfortable using it, I’ve started wearing it for more tasks around the house too, including things like cooing, cleaning, cutting brass casings and building circuits for class the next day. The more I use it and the better it gets, the more things I use it for, and the more often I wear it, but I can always take it off if I feel the need. 

It’s also important to note that, for me, my mechanical hand is my off-hand. I don’t use it for everything the way someone who uses two of these would, and thus I don’t encounter the same kinds of problems.Most of what I list here are benefits, because I have a sort of “fiddler crab” effect going on. I have two different hands that compliment each other. One delicate but dexterous, the other durable and slightly awkward, but still very useful.


If you have ANY other questions at all, I’d be happy to answer in asks, or in messaging, if you want anything more in depth. 

  • me: all right, brain. we're an adult, OK? we have shit to do, and it is piling right the fuck up around here.
  • me: I mean, for fuck's sake, four pieces of overdue writing! two of which we are being paid actual cash-monies to write!
  • me: and all our bags from loncon are still lying unpacked in the bedroom! the toddler threw our boots at the exercise bike, and you just know we're going to trip over that shit, and yet we haven't tidied it up!
  • me: and did I mention we have work tomorrow? work for which we have to set an actual goddamn alarm?
  • me: my point, brain, is that we really ought to be DEALING with this like the mature, capable human we're ostensibly meant to be, and being as how it's now after midnight, this would seem like a pretty good time to act rationally.
  • brain: but consider though: more fanfiction!
  • me: ...
  • me: I find no fault in your logic. carry on.
Gather round, ducklings. For I bring you the secret of the cheap burritos.

I know a lot of you are in college/grad school/real life, and need to eat, and for as few monies as possible. Therefore, I bring you my burrito recipe. It’s so simple and easy that you’ll feel stupid for not having realized it yourself. 

Here’s your ingredients. All of this cost me….. $24? It depends on what you already have at home. Tortillas are necessary, and really, you can buy any ingredients you want in your burritos. You want pork? Treat yourself.  Beans? Treat yourself! Steak? TREAT YOSELF. Turducken? TREAT. YO. SELF.

For this round, I’ve collected up chicken, mexican rice, refried black beans (with lime), enchilada sauce, and avocados. I do recommend salsa or enchilada sauce to keep it a little goopy after you microwave. Use spices, too! I like cilantro, so I dump that in. Cumin and chipotle are good ones too, or adobo, if you’re into that.

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1 - Heartbeat

Karrueche

I got the kerosene and a desire
I’m trying to start a flame in the heart of the night
- The Fray

“Mike, please don’t make me do this.” I turned to look at him and the blank expression on his face told me that he’s not phased by me being scared right now. I knew this time would come, I just prayed it wasn’t anytime soon. This is my training, my initiation into the family business so to say.

“Just do it and get it over with.” Trell gritted out as if he has anything better to do. I turned back to the man lying on the table and stared into his beady dark eyes. If there wasn’t any tape on his mouth he would most likely have a smirk on his face. I opened the medical bag that sat on the stool next to me and pulled out a syringe.

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