you have grown up to the man you were destined to be

washingtonpost.com
Perspective | I wanted to understand why racists hated me. So I befriended Klansmen.
My collection of robes and hoods is still growing.

By Daryl Davis,  September 29 at 6:00 AM:  Daryl Davis, author of “Klan-Destine Relationships,” and subject of the documentary “Accidental Courtesy,” is an award-winning musician, actor, lecturer and race relations expert.    

“One night in 1983, I found myself playing in a country band at a truck stop lounge. I was the only black person in the joint. Taking a break after the first set of music, I was headed to sit at a table with my bandmates when a white gentleman approached from behind and put his arm around my shoulders. “I really enjoy y’all’s music,” he said. I shook his hand and thanked him. “This is the first time I ever heard a black man play piano like Jerry Lee Lewis,” he continued.

I told him that Lewis was a friend of mine and that he had learned his style from watching and listening to black blues and boogie-woogie pianists. My new fan didn’t buy it, but he did want to buy me a drink. While we sipped, he clinked my glass and said, “This is the first time I ever sat down and had a drink with a black man.”

Why? “I’m a member of the Ku Klux Klan,” he said. I burst out laughing. Then he handed me his KKK membership card, and I recognized the Klan’s symbols. In that moment, I was overcome by a question: How could anybody hate me when they didn’t even know me?

I was no stranger to racism. Having grown up a black person in the ’60s and ’70s, I knew that prejudice was common. But I had never understood why. Sitting in that lounge with my new friend, I decided to figure it out in the only way that made sense: By getting to know those who felt hostility toward black people without ever having known any.

Several years later, I recruited that man, whose name was Frank James, to put me in contact with the grand dragon of the Maryland Klan. He tried to deter me, warning that the leader would kill me. But eventually, after I promised not to reveal how I’d gotten the grand dragon’s contact information, James gave it to me.

By then I had decided to travel around the country and interview KKK leaders and members from various chapters and factions to get the answer to my question: How can you hate someone you’ve never met? I was planning to write a book detailing my interviews, experiences and encounters with these Ku Klux Klan members. (The book, “Klan-Destine Relationships,” was published in 1998.)

I had my white secretary, who typically booked my band and assisted me with my music business, set up a meeting with the Maryland grand dragon, explaining that her boss was writing a book on the Klan and would like his input. Per my instructions, she did not reveal the color of my skin.

The grand dragon agreed to participate, and we secured a room at a Frederck, Maryland motel, where my secretary filled an ice bucket with cans of soda so I could offer my guest a drink. Regardless of how and what he felt about me, if he entered my room after seeing the color of my skin, I was going to treat him with hospitality.

Punctual to the minute, there was a knock on the door. The grand nighthawk (the grand dragon’s bodyguard) entered first, and then the dragon himself. “Hello,” I began, “I’m Daryl Davis.” I offered my palm, and the dragon shook my hand as he and the nighthawk introduced themselves. The dragon sat in the chair I had set out, and the nighthawk stood at attention beside him.

We were both apprehensive of the other, and the interview started haltingly. We discussed what he had hoped to achieve by joining the Klan; what his thoughts were on blacks, Asians, Jews and Hispanics; and whether he thought it would ever be possible for different races to get along. A little while later, we heard an inexplicable crackling noise and we both tensed. The dragon and I stared each other in the eye, silently asking, “What did you just do?” The nighthawk reached for his gun. Nobody spoke. I barely breathed.

Seated atop the dresser, my secretary realized what had happened: The ice in the bucket had started to melt, causing the soda cans to shift. It happened again, and we all began laughing. From there, the interview went on without a hitch.

It was a perfect illustration that ignorance breeds fear and possibly violence. An unknown noise in an ice bucket could’ve led to gunfire, had we not taken a moment to understand what we were encountering.

Even though the grand dragon, who now prefers not to be named, had told me he knew that white people were superior to blacks, our dialogue continued over the years. He would visit me in my home, and I would eventually be a guest in his. We would share many meals together, even though he thought I was inferior. Within a couple of years, he rose to the rank of imperial wizard, the top national leadership position in the Klan.

Over the past 30 years, I have come to know hundreds of white supremacists, from KKK members, neo-Nazis and white nationalists to those who call themselves alt-right. Some were good people with wrong beliefs, and others were bad people hellbent on violence and the destruction of those who were non-Aryan.

There was Bob White, a grand dragon for Maryland who served four years in prison for conspiring to bomb a synagogue in Baltimore, where he had been a police officer. When he got out, he returned to the Klan and later went back to prison for three more years for assaulting two black men with a shotgun, evidently intent on murder. But after I reached out to him with a letter while he was in prison for the second time, Bob became a very good friend, renounced the Klan and attended my wedding.

Imperial Wizard Frank Ancona, who headed one of the largest Klan groups in the country, would also become a very close friend. When Frank was killed this year (his wife and stepson have been charged with his murder), one of his Klan members, knowing how close we had been, called me and told me before notifying the police. I accepted the Klan’s invitation to participate in his funeral service.

Three weeks after this summer’s violent clash in Charlottesville, I was invited by the leaders of the Tennessee and Kentucky chapters of Ancona’s branch of the Klan to speak at their national Konvocation. I accepted, spoke and took audience questions after the lecture. Whether or not anyone there immediately changed their minds, we talked as people — and we all benefitted from that.

I am not so naive as to think everyone will change. There are certainly those who will go to their graves as hateful, violent racists. I never set out certain that I would convert anyone. I just wanted to have a conversation and ask, “How can you hate me when you don’t even know me?” What I’ve learned is that whether or not I’ve changed minds, talking can still relieve tensions. I’ve seen firsthand that when two enemies are talking, they are not fighting. They may be yelling and beating their fists on the table, but at least they are talking. Violence happens only when talking has stopped.

And sometimes, people do change. One day in 1999, after having been in the Ku Klux Klan for about 20 years, the Klan leader from the motel interview, whom I watched go from grand dragon to imperial wizard, called me, said he was leaving the Klan and apologized for having been a member. He told me he could no longer hate people. I had not turned out to be what he had always thought of black people. He went on to become one of my best friends, and today I own his robe and hood — one set of many in my collection of garments donated to me by apostate Klansmen and Klanswomen,

which is always growing.”

Note: this is a continuation of a post // extremely long

101 reasons why Jikook/Kookmin is my ultimate OTP
or 101 times Jikook made my heart flutter (Part 2)

PART 1

51) A jikook compilation wouldn’t be a compilation without THE back hugs.

Hands on waist…

Chin on shoulder…

52) Not long after Jimin tweeted a pic of ramen, Jungkook indirectly replied to him by posting FOUR selcas of him along with a message telling him his ramen looked bland. idk about you but i found this interaction cute.

53) The artistic couple.The muscle pig and manggaetteok drawings that were featured in Snow App. They even drew the chicken drawings on the menu at Isac. I can imagine them sitting and drawing random things together. ㅠㅠ 

54) Jimin posted not one but three videos on Jungkook’s birthday, which means he wished Jungkook three times on SNS and made my head spin thrice.

55) Jimin and Jungkook took photos of each other sleeping.

56) When Jungkook thought there was no camera around when they were rounding the corner so he went up to Jimin and slid his hand around his waist. Little did he know they got caught on camera. I’d like to thank Yoongi’s vj for this awesome footage.

57) The many times Jimin has summoned Jungkook for Armys. In simpler words, Jungkook always tweets something after Jimin, and we all know how seldom he appears on Twitter.

58) “hyung has cute toes” Okay but like who lingers around his friend’s photo shoot and randomly blurts out that he has cute..toes????

59) The look! Jungkook’s expression when he’s feeding Jimin earns him a spot on this list haha. Tbh They’re kinda like eyefucking eo when jimin’s being fed. look at Jimin’s eyes. Apart from that I like how Jungkook fed him.

60) Their interactions the whole ISAC. Masterlist 👣

61)  How can I miss this? Jikook in Japan..this one has a special place in my heart. Back in 2016, it had been just a casual discussion between me and my friends on kakao. Never thought jikook would continue displaying PDA every single time they go to Japan. What’s more when they have very strict no-camera policy during concerts.

62) The amount of heart eyes they shoot at each other.

63) When they had a dinner date in the dorm to promote Mala Hot Chicken. What baffled me was that Jungkook mentioned beforehand he wanted to sleep but he still accompanied Jimin. I’m soft.

64) Jimin has made it very apparent, truly obvious that he likes jungkook. Whether it’s liking him as a dongsaeng, or just someone he’s extremely comfortable with, Jimin always, without failing, reminds us who he dotes on. “Why do I like you so much?” Lately, I’ve been crazy because I like Jungkook so much. I think of this as a start of something beautiful, and I am so glad Jimin didn’t even hesitate in expressing his feelings towards the maknae. I think this might have helped jungkook unwind. Look at jungkook now. That’s some character development right there :)

65) Massage. Quoted line from AHL mentor, Tony Jones “They are very touchy feely and to them, it’s nothing. I’d walk into the room and Suga’s massaging V’s neck or Jimin’s giving Jungkook an intimate back massage..”

66) When Jungkook bent down so he would get closer to Jimin and put the rein-kook headband on Jimin’s head. They’re separated a lot of times during fansigns but somehow they managed to get tgt at the end.

67) When Jungkook blows a kiss, then turns to Jimin whose lips are puckered and does the same to him, using the same fingers he used earlier. Okay I’ve been meaning to say this. Realistically speaking, if you pucker your lips and you put your fingers on them, wouldn’t your saliva stick to your fingers? I’m not trying to imply anything here, just genuinely asking haha.
140529 Ameba Studio

68) When a webtoon artist gave Jimin two dolls, but Jimin decided to give one to Jungkook. She even posted a webtoon of them. To be honest who wouldn’t?

69) *screams to the people in the back* ALL-NIGHTER FRIENDS!!! As written by the man himself, “ALL the time, it’s just the two of us doing something at night. I don’t know what we do”

70) Jungkook scribbling hearts all over Jimin’s birthday drawing. He’s one whipped man.

71) Just other instances Jungkook and Jimin flirting on stage. 

//gif above isn’t mine//

72) When Jimin and Jungkook chose each other when asked “if you were a girl, who would you date?”

73) The shocking fact that Jungkook demanded an apartment from Jimin as a graduation gift. Like, apartment? of all things? What kind of domesticity is this?

74) The way Jungkook takes care of Jimin even though he’s the younger one, and how Jimin is there when he’s the one seeking comfort.

75) I will never forget the Gayo Back hug, ever. I’ve mentioned back hug somewhere above, but this is different.This deserves a point of its own.

76) When Jimin took off one of his rings at the airport and gave it to jungkook.

77) When Jungkook stopped in front of Jimin during his part in For You at Osaka concert, and kind of directed the lyrics for Jimin. Jimin just couldn’t stop smiling afterward :(((
The lyrics are:
It smells like you
The road that I walk on
I plug my earphone to my status
My true feelings lie beyond there

78) When Jimin and Jungkook steered away from the bunch and instead opted for some alone on the cruise. people say you smile the brightest when you’re with someone you love, yes?

79) The fact that Jimin wanted to become napa cabbage after seeing Kook dressed up as a bunny, so he could eat him, albeit choosing to be cheese initially. What even is that statement lol 👣 

80) The morph of their dynamic. I kind of miss their old moments, when Jimin was bolder, more carefree, and Jungkook seemed to be too shy to reciprocate. (on camera). Now they have matured. They have grown up well. A wave of nostalgia sweeps over me. The transition of their relationship is extremely beautiful.

81) When Jimin became Jungkook’s makeup artist for a day, hovering around the set, even drawing a pic of a bird that’s used as a prop later.

82) their size difference might be exaggerated at times, but you really can’t deny that it is cute, even if it’s not much.

83) When Jungkook changed the lyrics in Spring Day to Jimin.                      
Like a small piece // Of Jimin // That floats in the air 

84) When Jungkook showed to the world what a sweet boyfriend he is,making jimin laugh, sitting him on his lap, hugging him on his birthday. Sweet sweet jungkookie.

85) Let’s state the obvious- 21CG choreos!!! i love how they evolved, just like their remarkable, legendary nmd lift.

86) Their sensual dance covers.

87) When Jungkook guides and encourages Jimin during games/missions.

88) The many times Jimin has been spotted wearing Jungkook’s clothes, despite the well-known fact that Jungkook doesn’t share clothes. Newsflash: Jungkook wears Jimin’s too!

89) We know Jungkook knows Jimin like the back of his hand, but that doesn’t mean that Jimin knows any less. I think they spend time together way too much.👣

90) How often the word “JIMIN” trips off Jungkook’s tongue- this what fascinates me the most. At one time he even mistook Jin for Jimin.

91) Jimin’s eagerness to kiss Jungkook for his Coming of Age, being the first one to hold out a hand for a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Bon Voyage season 1

92) When Jimin waited over an hour for Kook to finish filming BTS Flower Boy mini drama, even though he’d finished his part. Jimin couldn’t even stay mad at him for not telling, like how fond is he?


93) The fact that Jungkook is more than comfortable speaking in banmal with Jimin.He once said in Idol Party that he prefers talking in jeondaetmal (polite language) with his hyungs but look at the amount of times he’s dropped the honorific and called Jimin by his name. uhm, let’s talk about treating the other as equals?

94) Jimin and Jungkook, the human embodiment of Piske Usagi.

95) When Jungkook’s bro drew Jungkook as Muzi and Jimin as Con, the inseparable duo on Kakao. Bro knows. 👣

96) In Kkul FM 2016, When Jungkook and Jimin nearly intertwined their fingers . Scoffs bh seemed to think it’s okay to abruptly cut off their scene. What intrigues me most is that they weren’t even looking but their hands still somehow managed to find their way around. Also other instances they hold hands. I love how Jungkook’s slightly bigger hands envelop Jimin’s smaller ones. *Jimin’s pinky tho!*

97) How they’re destined to meet. The fact that they’re both from Busan, have matching moles, Jungkook’s bro named Junghyun and Jimin’s bro named Jihyun..imagine what would’ve happened had Jimin not been the last one to enter Bangtan.

98) When Jimin said he’d be looking at the ocean with Jungkook but Jungkook straight up rejected him and chose to go on a trip with his bro instead. It was quite a strong statement but a moment later Jungkook proved it wrong by reaching out and squeezing Jimin’s hand underneath the table, kinda like a reassurance that it’s all part of a joke. He cares. He truly does.

99) During Jin’s birthday prank at MAMA, these two couldn’t keep their hands off each other. The moment they entered the bathroom, they almost shut everything out-talking to themselves, picking on the cake- until the members gave them the signal to stop w/e they’re doing. Months later Mama kindly revealed another footage, this time consisting of just them, in the bathroom, jungkook right in the middle of buttoning up his jacket, wearing nothing underneath. How was I supposed to sit still?

100) When Jungkook and Jimin take skinship to a whole new level, or simply put, the times Jikook makes us question the real intention behind their acts and excessive skinship.

101) Last but not least, Perhaps my all time favorite moment- When Jungkook was caught observing Jimin’s every move, literally had his eyes only on him.

(Mark 1:17 onward)

I super love this video bc the song chosen matched so well with the situation- like they wanted to reach out but couldn’t so they stayed put, could only observe the other from far…

and that’s it!
thank you, you made it to the bottom of this post! In short, everything about jikook makes me feel content. I had thought of doing more  but despite my brain literally screaming at me “Include this! You forgot this!”, I had to stick to 101. Anyway, I hope this mends your longing hearts. Have a lovely day! Thank you for reading!

Bonus because I have to:

when the members revealed on BTS KKul FM 2017 that Jungkook bought a birthday present only for Jimin. Am I your favorite hyung?

When Jungkook, the youngest in the group, called Jimin who is 2 years older than him a baby. 애기야가자 !

punsbulletsandpointythings  asked:

Your myth retellings are gorgeous. Would you tell another please? Maybe something with Hermes?

Pandora is made from earth, shaped by the hands of Hephaestus and made in the image of his beloved wife. Aphrodite gifts her with grace and charisma. Athena teaches her to weave and bestows cleverness upon her.

She stands in front of Hermes, and the god frowns and touches her with a single fingertip on her chin, moving her head one way than the other. “They’ll eat you alive,” he says, and she doesn’t understand.

She tilts her head to the side and smiles a vacant smile. All of the cleverness in the world will do her no good without any context. “We are the same,” she says, pressing a hand to Hermes’s chest. She is made from earth and has the skin to mach. He is a celestial god, and his skin is the same rich shade of brown.

He did not ask to be born any more than his mother asked to bare him. His creation, just like hers, is at the whims of Zeus. All for some little lost fire, all because Prometheus wanted his people to be warm, and, well, he is the god of the thieves after all –

So he gifts her with deceit, with selfishness, with cunning. Her smile leaves her face all at once as she’s filled with self-awareness. “He’ll be angry with you,” she says, “I am not what you were supposed to make.”

“Gods have short memories,” he says, and doesn’t bother to hide the contempt in his voice. “Do not worry about me, gifted child. You have larger problems than my fate.”

He has turned her from something pure into – something more like him. Her face darkens even further as her perfectly crafted mind slots all the pieces together, and he can’t help but find her lovely. It’s how she was made, after all. “I can’t stop it, can I? Whatever they’re planning for me to do?”

“No,” Hermes says, “but now you might be able to survive it.”

“Will I want to?” she asks, and he doesn’t answer. She doesn’t expect him too.

~

She hides from everyone, lives in a cave at the edge of the city. The gods had called her the first woman, but that’s not true, she can see.

There are women. They smile and laugh have work roughened hands. She aches to join them, but she has the beauty of a goddess. They will know. If she joins them, they will know she is not of them, and it will set into motion whatever trap Zeus has planned.

She is not human, not in the same way, molded from clay by a god’s hands. But she is of humans, and not eager to bestow upon them the harm she’s destined to bring them. She bathes in streams where only nymphs reside, steals into the city in the cloak of night and pilfers from the baker’s trash.

“When they said they sent my brother a wife,” a low, amused voice says too close behind her one night, “I had not expected a begger.”

She whirls around, hard bread clenched tight in front of her, an incredibly inefficient shield. Her breath catches in her throat when she sees him, dark and tall and eyes like the night sky. He looks like Hermes. Like her. “Who are you?” she demands. They’re in an alley corner, and of her gifts flight is not among them. She’ll have to fight him to get away.

She’s not afraid of him. Maybe another mortal would be, cornered in the middle of the night by a man she doesn’t know. But she’s no normal mortal woman, and besides – he has something comforting about him, like the hearthfire attended by Hestia. Something warm.

“I am Prometheus,” says the man, and no wonder he reminds her of fire. “What do they call you?”

“You are meant to be in the deepest pits of Hades’s realm,” she snaps, and shifts her grip on the stale bread so that she can throw it at him. He’s the whole reason she’s here to begin with, him and his thievery.

He shrugs and walks closer to her, watching her like one would watch a wild animal. Good. Here, in this dark alley where no one would find a cooling body until morning, it is he that should be afraid. “Gods forget,” he says, “and Hades had grown cold in his place beneath the earth.”

She pauses, considers. “You stole fire for Hades?”

“No,” he corrects, “I stole fire for the people. But Hades benefited as well. Enough that he was willing to forget the terms of my punishment.”

“What do you want?” she asks for the second time. “Why are you here?”

He stops, too close to her, “The question is why are you here?”

She steps into his space now, following him as he backs away from her, “I am here because of you, fire-stealer, because gods may forget but they do not forgive, and I am the punishment they have unleashed upon the world.”

“What a punishment you are,” he says, looking at her lips, and she forgets to hate him only long enough to kiss him.

~

Hermes watches her, watches them. He doesn’t know Zeus’s plan, if this is part of it or not, but he watches her, and he worries. He thinks it is, he can see Aphrodite’s magic clinging to Pandora, but he doesn’t know why.

He would go to his mother, but she’s always difficult to find, Gaea preferring to live in streams and rivers rather than face the man she bore a son for. But his mother’s father, on the other hand, is always in the same place.

“Grandfather,” Hermes greets, touching lightly down onto the earth, “How are you?”

“How am I always, boy?” Atlas grunts out, legs and arms straining as he holds up the sky above the earth. “Tired.”

Hermes lips quirk up the corners. Some days, he thinks he’s more Atlas’s grandson than he’s Zeus’s son. “I need some advice, Grandfather.”

Atlas raises an eyebrow, “I’m listening.”

So Hermes tells him everything, from beginning to end, because he can’t figure out what his father’s plan is, but Atlas might. He’s known the man for longer, at least.

Atlas nods, slow, and says, “A bride of gods, a gifted child. I can think of only one reason to create such a child.” Hermes waits. Atlas sighs and says, “There is a jar, within Olympus, that becomes sealed when it leaves the realm of the gods. After that, only a being neither mortal nor celestial may open it.”

“What are they planning to put inside?” Hermes demands, heart spiking. What are they planning to unleash upon the unsuspecting earth?

His grandfather smirks, “It doesn’t matter. What matters is this – what are you going to put inside?”

Keep reading

Call It Suicide

A/N: Well, it’s been a full month since my last fic that I posted and I felt like it was time for a new one. Another Harry Styles fic because he’s such a legend and I love him so deal with it. This took me a good few days to finally finish, hence why it’s legit the longest thing I’ve ever written, because I wanted to get this really good because I literally write my fics in one night normally so enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it x.

Based on: ‘Suicide’ by James Arthur

Dedicated to: @twerkit-hxrry, and TheHSquad: @17-blackaf, @harryxmac, @snlhaz, @spectralstyles, @wishfulharrie, @stylishmuser, @hes-writings94, @the2k17harry, @roseonhissleeve, @hs-1dfan, @soloharrles, @mizpahes, @hcrrystyles, @hes-a-rainbow, @lovingstyles87, @namelesspops, @gemmadorrego, @ever-since-kiwi, @harry-writings, @harrywavycurly, @harryslittlekiwis, @hotmessharry

Warning(s): Cheater!Harry, sad themes, swearing, a section of smut with very minimal Daddy kink

Word count: 8,005

Pairing(s): Harry Styles x Reader / Harry Styles x OC (Original Character)



It ain’t the gun,
It’s the man behind the trigger.
Gets blood on his fingers and runs.
It ain’t the lie,
It’s the way that the truth is denied.


Four years.

A relationship that had withstood all trying odds thrown at it, time and time again. A relationship that, from the outside, never once seemed anything short of miraculous. Four years of that relationship had been a blessing and to her, nothing and no one could ever give her the satisfaction nor sensation of pure love and dedication, she feared she may never find something quite like it again.

It’s funny how certain situations arise, that are unexpected in the worst way possible, which make the mere thought of carrying on with the toxicity of a failed relationship unbearable.

It had taken a whole three months for her to coax a confession out of her tattooed lover which, during that time, almost made her physically ill to think about him, not only being sexually (but possibly also romantically) inclined with another woman, but lying so blatantly to her face about the multiple occasions he had, ‘ran out to get some deodorant’, during the dead of night, only to come back to their shared home in the morning with a different type of exuberant smell catching in the air from his body and clothing.

When confronted about this, however, the long-legged man stood in front of her, but yet, no eye-contact was maintained, and shook his head, pushing past the fragile woman he claimed to love for an extended period of time before slamming the heavy, mahogany bedroom door, muttering incoherent sentences on his way that normally consisted of, “Gettin’ on my fuckin’ last nerve”, and, “I ‘ave half the mind t’ leave you right fuckin’ now”.

Of course, it was when the luminous moonlight danced across the wooden floorboards of the bedroom, illuminating the whitewashed walls as if it was their own private, personal stage where they could showcase their undying love for one another, or so she once thought.

It was when the early hour of 3am came creeping around the corner with only the sounds of the wind whistling and the leaves whispering to keep her company as she laid in an empty, king-sized, luxurious bed that was meant to be a symbol of their companionship.

It was when she felt the all-too-familiar feeling of abandonment and loneliness twist inside her gut as fresh, hot tears sprung to her eyes and trickled down to her ears whilst unmoving and staring at the intricate detail of the high ceiling. She had been doing this for so many nights she was near confident that she could recite how many swirls and dots collected in the design from her counting.

Of course, it was then that she understood that she was no longer the apple of his eye. That he had escaped from her hold and found refuge in someone else’s arms. Someone else’s kiss. Someone else’s touch.

He would never admit this though, no, he would much rather sneak back into his own home where his significant other would lay, pretending to be asleep through her dry, tear-stained cheeks, rolled over to her side of the bed with him removing his clothes to slide skilfully underneath the untouched covers on his end, like he had been used to trying to not disturb her, before pressing a chaste kiss to her neck and whisper those three words that held no real regard.

He didn’t mean it.

Not since he started smelling like a perfume she could not recognise.

Every morning, a smell of fresh coffee and breakfast foods invaded his privacy that would jolt him awake, noticing his lady of four years had already made her side of the bed and left him a note in her cursive handwriting, that he used to adore, as she did routinely since they moved in together.

And every morning he would stalk downstairs to find her cooking for the both of them out of the kindness of her broken heart despite knowing about his infidelity and unfaithfulness before he wrapped his strong, manly arms around her trembling waist as sobs racked through her entire being.

Although, these said tears were soothed almost instantly as she felt the dry lips of the man she loved along her jawline and neck, peppering gentle kisses to her skin. She knew she shouldn’t be so easily swayed when he hadn’t even muttered a single word to her but she couldn’t control her feelings; feelings of anger and despair quickly dissolving into ones of adoration and desperation towards the figure looming over her.

A shaky hand was raised to caress his prickly, stubbly cheek as she closed her eyes and enjoyed one of the rare moments of intimacy the couple shared nowadays, willing herself not to shed any more saltwater from the seas swirling in her eyes.

A waft of the faint smell of cinnamon and honey contrasted with her regular scent of vanilla and fruits that brung her out of her Harry-induced daze, making her pull away from the man she could no longer trust.

“Don’t walk away from me. Please. No’ today.” He pleaded, she almost could have believed he was being genuine if it weren’t for the black lace thong she’d discovered discreetly hidden inside his trouser pocket whilst doing the laundry last Sunday. He knew this, yet he still didn’t bother to hide the piece of evidence elsewhere. It was almost as if he had wanted her to feel her heart drop to her stomach.

“Harry, by my walking away, it gives you the leverage you need t’ turn in the opposite direction and in'a her bed.” She spoke in rebuttal under her breath; hoping her words wouldn’t travel far enough and stop short before they could reach his ears; in a way, recreating how whenever she gave him her all, it never seemed to find its destination within him and instead go off-track.

Perhaps that was the reason why her love wasn’t reciprocated.

“Wha’ did you jus’ say t’ me?” The sound of heavy footsteps coming back round the large, marble countertop placed in the middle of the spacious kitchen to her after grabbing a snack from the cabinet, not only made her anxious but also incredibly uncomfortable as she never wanted to carry such negative conversations with the center of her affection, knowing that he would deny all the objectives she would present to him, similar to how he had before.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it, baby.” She forced a fake smile onto her face, an expression she had grown accustomed to whenever she looked too deep into his pools of jade he called, ‘eyes’, digging out information she never thought she would have to read. She turned her body around to crash against his chiselled chest, trapping her between the oven and his own furnace, his body giving out warmth she used to find comfort in. “I didn’t say anything important, I promise, now gimme a kiss.”

Seemingly satisfied with the answer he was provided with, he leant in to press his lips hard against hers and rested his palms on her hips.

Undoubtedly, it was one of the most difficult things she had ever had to do. To kiss him as if her heart wasn’t crumbling like the walls around her; suffocating her, was too much to bare as she finally pushed him away and wiped her lips with the back of her hand.

“How dare you stand here and kiss me with tainted lips you’ve put on another girl. How dare you stand here and pretend you’re committed t’ us. And how dare you stand here and make me a fool for loving you when you go out and make love t’ that woman you found at a dingy, dark nightclub one lonely winter’s night.” The streams of emotions flowed down her red, puffy cheeks as she expressed her discontent and disappointment from within.

It had been a long time coming and she knew she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Not when he made no effort to admit to his wrongdoings, but instead gave her false hope towards a relationship that was barely alive.

His arms tried to reach out towards his beautiful explosion but she couldn’t stand to look at him for longer than she had already endured and backed away from his softening stare.

He couldn’t continue his façade, not anymore.

“No, sweetheart, please…” He began to somehow explain months of late nights and cold shoulders, but she had heard and lived through everything she needed to in order to make her final decision as she knuckled away her falling tears and practically sprinted to the bedroom to collect her belongings. “It jus’ happened! It was out of my control, baby, you have t’ believe me!”

She had to leave.

No more could she sit there and act as if they were the couple they used to be in the beginning. No more could she sit there and act as if he was the man she fell in love with.

The door clicked shut just as she zipped up her suitcase, signalling he’d now entered the room that was once filled with the purity of their love. The moment he slept next to her curled up body in the middle of the Stygian night after he spent his evening in a stranger’s bed, the barrier was broken and was replaced by one of deception and distrust.

His feet padded furiously against the pristine, fluffed rug situated at the center of the space before slamming his hand on top of the lid of the luggage in an attempt to keep the woman he genuinely loved deep down from leaving him.

“Harry. Get your hand off.” She threatened with a calm, gentle voice which she never used unless she was livid behind her cool, collected nature.

“Listen t’ me. I didn’t mean for this t’ happen, I didn’t mean t’ lie t’ y-…” He, again, was cut off by her forcefully lugging her property out from under his grasp and onto the floor with a loud ‘bang’.

“It wasn’t the lie! It was never the lie! I’ve known for months, Harry. ’S the way you denied the truth every single time I asked you about it! And if you’re implying that that’s the worst of it, I don’t even wanna think about the things you’ve done t’ her and vice versa.” She stayed glaring straight into his watery irises for a few seconds before spinning on her heel and walking out, deserting a broken man with his broken heart gazing at the now wide-open entrance with traces of her vanilla scent lingering but her nowhere to be found.


You’ve been killing softly and finally,
That is too much. (Oh)
And I’m all out of whiskey,
To soak up the damage you’ve done. (Oh)


         You would think drowning her sorrows in her tears and heartbreak would’ve been enough to express her emotions but no. She had managed to find herself amongst sweaty, filthy bodies in a large bar from which she had drunk her fifth glass of strong alcohol, she could barely see straight.

With the toxic fluids coursing through her veins, the pumping bass of the latest chart-topper beating her heart for her, and conversations of the blurred people around her resounding in her psyche, she had had enough.

Hard to believe, but it was a rare occurrence that she would even bother to dress herself up and emerge from her temporary abode, with her estranged high school friend she had recently been in contact with, to appear at the local bar she used to go to with Harry whenever they wanted to get away.

It used to be a sort of sanctuary for the two of them. It used to be a chance to just talk about their day and their feelings to each other without anyone else prying into their business. But now it was, and would forever be, “the place where he met her”.

“The place where he inadvertently broke the bond between lovers which he vowed to never do”.

Yet still, there she was.

Sitting alone on a high stool, gripping the side of her glass so tightly that the beads of condensation evaporated under the red heat of her fingers and inner turmoil.

She had just been staring at the wine glasses hanging down from the ceiling, like bats in a cave, whilst downing her beverage in record speed which allowed her to move swiftly onto her next drink. Even the bartender had started to get conscious of her intake and that was enough for him to then refuse to supply another source of liquor.

Her newly rekindled friendship with her high school classmate had been put to the test that evening and unfortunately, by her having no one she knew around in her presence, let her know that she need not care for the whereabouts of her friend as they didn’t care for hers after the second round of alcohol.

The sudden deprivation of a stinging solution making its way down her throat since she had been scolded like a child for the excessiveness of her drinking, made her mind wander into the fields of betrayal that replaced the meadows of happiness she used to frolic in with the man she used to think she would one day marry.

As soon as her gaze fixated on the empty glass in front of her, the saline tears poured over the barrier of her waterline and left her silently sobbing through her harrowing heartbreak.

Dying from a broken heart was something she had only read about in the news and never once believed it to ring true but as she sat there, in Harry and her bar, she could practically feel her chest contracting and splitting into two halves. Although, she didn’t really understand how considering he still had her heart in the palm of his hands and desperate for his love.

The mere sight of a grown woman openly, and drunkenly, weeping must’ve been hard for surrounding strangers to handle since by the time she had ceased her muffled cries to soft sniffles and looked up with bloodshot, sore eyes - most of the partygoers she had mixed in with had departed and left only her and a few stragglers behind with a busied bartender wiping down spilt beverages with a cloth.

The palms of her hands were raised to her reddened face and rubbed over her features to try and soothe her outburst of feelings as a heavy sigh was blown out from her pale lips in response to the heavyweight she felt in her chest.

Heels clicked on the floor of the building as she dug into her purse to find flimsy pieces of paper that represented a form of payment she could offer the man behind the counter for the alcohol she had consumed.

“On the ‘ouse.” A clear, but deep voice sounded from in front of her as her glass was collected, “Yeh look like yeh had a bad one so don’t worry 'bout it.”

Her hard and focused stare switched from her trying to find her money in her purse to kind, pitiful, sapphire eyes as she faced the generous bartender.

“Noo. No, I can’t jus’ no’ payy yew. ’Ve 'ad like nine'een drinkss-..” Her slurred speech in between her not-so-subtle sniffs and hiccups made the stranger chuckle and she watched how his shoulders moved, fascinated by the way they were connected to his body that she felt the need to touch hers to confirm her suspicions that yes, she had shoulders too.

“Don’t mention it, love, I’ll call you a taxi.” He informed the unsteady woman the other side of the counter before picking up his phone and dialling a number he knew off by heart from the amount of times he had to ring because of previous passed out customers.

Love.

A completely innocent and everyday nickname she had been called before by many people, but this particular time made her legs shake and her lip quiver as she fought to hold back more streams of sadness.

Harry used to call her, “love”.

Harry used to show her love.

And Harry used to give her love.

But that was all gone.

All of it wasted and bestowed onto the other woman in her relationship.

She supposed it was a good thing that he had decided to take that route. She supposed it was a good thing that he made it clear she wasn’t enough. That she wasn’t what he wanted. That way she could confidently move on and find another to treat her right.

But her heart wouldn’t allow it.

Her heart remained in the familiar hands of her puppeteer and continued to make his own lovesick puppet out of her. Why? She may never understand. She only knew that he had a fatal hold on her; squeezing ever so softly but growing tighter with each and every day that passed by, that she feared she might have wound up helpless and perishing in his addicting arms.

He had been killing her softly, albeit unknowingly, but she had finally decided it was too much and escaped his grasp physically.

His emotional duress on her, however, was a different story altogether which she thoroughly believed she would never be able to evade.



If there is one thing that I’m guilty of,
It’s loving and giving when you take too much.

//•//
If there’s anything I’m guilty of,
It’s loving you too much.


         “Harry, stop!” The exclamation was followed by a giggle as she extended her hands out to cover the lens of the new, vintage camera she had purchased especially for him on their third year anniversary as a strong, steady couple.

“You’re jus’ the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen, darlin’, I 'ave t’ take photos t’ capture your beauty.” He exaggerated and winked when he switched his eyes to stare at her smiling face rather than through the viewfinder.

“Ew, you’re such a dork.” A pillow was lugged at his head which, as a result, made his curls fly out in every direction possible, him then looking like a human version of Simba. “You look the most attractive you’ve ever looked right now, baby.” A snort came from her button nose as she reached for the device in his hands, turning it on him and clicking the shutter multiple times at different angles.

“And you just sounded the most attractive you’ve ever sounded.” He spoke in rebuttal before shaking his hair out of his face and tamed it slightly.

A playful pout was brought upon her lips as a sign of her disappointment that her masterpiece was ruined but she continued to shoot amateur pictures of the stunning man with legs either side of her hips since she would never tire of looking at his perfectly structured face and features that were God’s gift.

“Oi, ’m s'posed t’ be taking pictures of you, my love.” His hands found their way to his hips and she figured that, in that moment, he had never looked more adorable so the shutter sounded once more to signal that she’d documented the sight on the roll of film in the camera. “’M gonna need yeh t’ stop before I get rowdy.”

“Rowdy?” A loud guffaw sounded as she lowered the camera down to her lap and just merely glanced up at the mess of curls on top of her in disbelief and fond. “I’d like t’ see you try t’ get 'rowdy’, honey, you’re the most calm and collected person I know.”

As soon as she placed the photographic equipment to one side, her arms were pinned above her head by a strong force coming from her short-haired lover and before she knew it, she could feel his fringe tickling her forehead since he leant forwards and hovered over her.

“I can be rowdy when I wan’ to, yeh know that more than anybody, pet.” He lowered his voice down at least one octave as he spoke, a glint of mischief in his sparkling eyes.

“Mm…” She pretended to think as a borderline seductive hum sounded from her throat. “I have no idea wha’ you’re talkin’ about, H.” A shake of her head only further exaggerated her point as she tried to prove her unknowingness and innocence.

A low, breathy chuckle resounded from deep in his chest, seemingly-always-minty breath fanning over her face gently, before he pressed a loving peck to her plump lips.

It was intimate moments like these where she felt she had never been more content, nor could she probably ever be more content without him.

It was intimate moments like these where she felt almost certain that there would never be another man more catered to her soul as he was and she intended on keeping him forever.

“‘M gonna love you ‘til the day I die.” The soft whisper coming from his lips transferred onto hers and she could feel tingles rush throughout her body. “Ev’ry day I spend with you jus’ gets better and better, I don’t know wha’ you’re doin’ t’ me.”

A caressing touch was brought to his cheeks as she pulled his face up to stare into his emerald eyes. She never got tired of looking into the windows of his soul - she thought as if they held information about himself that was only revealed if someone was to gaze intently into them.

“And ev’ry day I spend with you, makes me wan’ t’ never live another day without yeh, you’re my world.” A grin started to grow on his features but she carried on before he had the chance to reply, fearing that if she didn’t tell him what she had wanted to for so long, she might never get the opportunity, nor courage, to again. “You, Harry Edward Styles, are the reason tha’ ev’ry morning when I lie in bed next t’ you, I wan’ t’ scream at how much I adore watching you yawn and stretch when yeh make that little noise to shake the tiredness off. You are the reason tha’ ev’ry night when we take a shower together, I wan’ t’ kiss yeh until our lungs give out because I don’t ever wan’ t’ stop. You are the reason tha’ ev’ry time when I see yeh performing, I wan’ t’ jus’ run up on stage with you and show ev’rybody there that you’re mine and how proud I am of you. Words will never be able to describe how much I’m smitten with you, Harry, you’re the most amazing guy ‘ve ever met and I’ll be damned ‘f I see another chick on your arm.” She had to pause momentarily as she felt a familiar touch wiping away a stray tear that had trickled down her cheek in the heat of her emotions before nervously laughing and continuing to finish her mini-speech. “I love you. I love you so fuckin’ much, I don’t think you’ll understand.”

The only response that was mustered from the tanned man was a shake of the head in disbelief at the meaningful moment that she had just shared with him, he felt a slight twinge in his stomach he couldn’t identify before placing his elbows either side of her head, careful not to rest on her sprawled out hair, and, once more, pressing his raspberry lips against hers in a passionate seal of affection.

He shifted his weight onto his forearms in order to place himself in between her bent legs without breaking their kiss and let out a quiet groan of satisfaction against her mouth. Her hands reached up to tangle in his cut curls, tugging on them lightly just as a teaser. He ended up cupping her behind as he pulled away from her soft lips to flip their bodies over to allow for him to be the one on his back and situated his woman on top of his hips, squeezing hers temporarily as an indication to keep kissing him.

And when has she ever refused him?

A small smile appeared on her face before dropping her top half down onto his chest and reconnecting their pairs of lips. Hands pressed to his firm chest as legs straddled his frame before trailing her fingers gently down to the hem of his shirt.

“Take it off, baby.” A breathless plea was heard from the man underneath her which gave her the boost of confidence she felt she needed which encouraged her to remove the first item of clothing from his toned body and she couldn’t help but run her hands up and down his beautiful torso. “Now le’ me see you.”

She raised her own top over her head herself and threw it somewhere unknown, just as she did his t-shirt, and revelled in his reaction to her reveal, noting the way he trailed his eyes up her exposed chest and bit his lip. “Look a’ you. My gorgeous girl.”

She felt the rose colour blush onto her cheeks, she thought she would’ve been better off as a traffic light, before she looked down to try and hide the obvious effect he had on her but was stopped by his forefinger lifting up her chin and guiding the other hand to the clasp of her lace bra, unclipping it expertly with a single movement, and looking at her intense eyes. “I never wan’ you t’ feel like you have to hide around me.” The straps fell down her shoulders as soon as she relaxed her arms to remove the piece of lingerie, giving her significant other a firsthand view of her bare chest, whilst he fondled her breasts generously and massaged them. “You’re beautiful and you’re mine, I wan’ yeh t’ believe it.”

Her head tilted backwards at the sensation of him having her cupped in his hands and lovingly playing with her as she felt a tweak on her left nipple and a wet tongue flick on her right. A short intake of air gasped from her throat in surprise at the sudden attention but she wasn’t complaining.

To show her gratitude, she found that her hips started to grind down on him - both their clothed crotches rubbing against one another, making them both let out a soft sound of appreciation.

“Wanna taste you…” She chirped after she had plucked up the courage to tell him while his mouth was still on her, alternating between each nipple.

“’M not stopping yeh, baby.” He spoke in reply as he detached himself from her boobs, giving them playful, but gentle, little smacks, and watched them jiggle slightly to his amusement.

By him taking it upon himself to lay back down, she took it as a sign to hop off him momentarily and hook her thumbs inside the matching lace material of her panties (she hadn’t bothered to put on bottoms - she liked wearing his shirts) before swaying her hips side-to-side. She liked to give him his own private show every once in awhile to watch him grow harder within the constraints of his jeans as he watched her.

Some could say she had a slight kink for exhibiting herself for him and she felt proud that he liked what he saw every time, enough to show off that cheeky smirk of his that she loved so much and bite his lip.

She successfully managed to drop the skimpy thong to the floor and stepped out of it, rendering her completely naked, whilst she crawled back onto the bed and in between his spread legs.

Her hand flew straight the the button of his skin-tight, charcoal jeans and pulling down the zip slowly, flicking her eyes up to see his face that construed his impatience. A light titter came from her lips as she begun to pull the waistband of the item of clothing down his legs and off his body teasingly, planting pecks down his thighs and legs in the process but intentionally avoiding where he needed her most. “God, sweetheart, please.” He started to beg, he couldn’t wait anymore. He felt painfully hard already and she wasn’t doing anything to relieve it - just make it worse.

“Oh, ‘m sorry, honey, I didn’t realise you wanted me so bad.” She feigned innocence with a pout of her bottom lip before she grinned mischievously and palmed him through his boxers.

The sudden attention to his most sensitive area made him rut his hips forward onto her hand with a half-arsed apology mumbled from him before a low groan erupted, interrupted by her reaching up and connecting her lips to his in a kiss as she continued to work him through the thin material.

As she felt a wet patch forming due to the pre-cum leaking from his tip, she concluded that there had been enough teasing so she pulled herself away from his luscious lips as his boxers followed suit with his jeans and were tossed aimlessly somewhere in the room.

Standing to attention, the red, aching head of his dick looked too enticing for her to ignore as she started to give him kisses and kitten licks. A small growl of approval from him gave her the confirmation she needed to then flatten her tongue against the underside of him and lick a stripe along him until she reached the tip, swirling her tongue around it like a lollipop.

A shiver was sent through his body as he looked down at his lover and gripped her hair in his fist. He watched her lips wrap around his, he must admit, larger-than-average size and take as much as she could fit in her mouth before she began to suck.

A strangled cry came from him as she unexpectedly opened up her throat and attempted to take all of him. As soon as her nose touched his trimmed hairs, he let out a yelp of pleasure since he felt himself at the back of her throat before she gagged, making the muscles clench around him which made it feel even more pleasurable.

“Shit, you take my cock so good.” That sentence alone was enough to make her feel on top of the world as she pulled off to catch her breath for a second, a string of spit still connecting her to him as he reached down to swipe it up with his fingers and proceeded to press them to her mouth, making her open up and taste him.

“You taste amazing.” She praised him back, knowing that it’ll give him the confidence boost he needed to really fuck her into the mattress soon.

After her regular breathing was regained, she, once again, dived back onto his pulsing manhood and begun to hollow out her cheeks around him whilst working her tongue around his girth but making sure no teeth were present as she bobbed.

Constant affirmations of pleasure tumbling from his bitten lips only made her move faster before she raised one hand to what she couldn’t fit in and expertly moved it in sync with her mouth.

“Fuck, if yeh keep goin’ like tha’, baby, ‘m gonna cum.” The warning was enough to convince her to pull off of him with a ‘pop’ and sit back onto her knees, looking down at him with a virtuous look on her face but with spit dripping down her chin. “You look sinful, yeh fuckin’ tease.”

She had to bite her lip to hide a subtle smirk and she kissed up his torso before sitting back on his hips, making sure to be just in front of his length so he could rest on her arse as she bent down to give him a passionate, open-mouthed kiss.

His large hands roamed her back as he reciprocated the kiss by pushing his tongue in, meeting hers. An enticing hum was let out as she circled her hips gently, rubbing up against his already throbbing cock. He pulled away only to duck down and start to press his mouth against her neck, beginning to suck bruises into her skin to mark her as his to everyone that looked.

Her tease only further continued as she heard him groan in desperation when she rubbed against a particularly sensitive spot before he decided he couldn’t take it anymore and threw her down onto the bouncy bed as he held himself up with his hands, adjusting to be perfectly slotted in between her legs that locked together around his torso as she ran her fingers through his hair that fell down.

“Harry?…” She spoke up in a soft voice and he could feel her breath on his face by how close they were.

“Mhm?” He reached down to position himself against her clit and began to jut his hips forward and back eliciting a high-pitched squeal.

“F-Fuck me.” She had the wind knocked out of her as soon as he entered her before she could finish her request.

Both parties let out loud moans as they both felt each other in the most intimate way possible. He let her adjust to his size impatiently since it took all of him to not move inside of her. The warm, wet walls of her womanhood drove him crazy and he swore he nearly came undone already when she clenched around him.

“You ready, honey?” He asked shakily, he just wanted to feel every inch of her.

A timid nod came from her a few seconds later signalling her consent and he wasted no time in dragging himself out until just the tip was engulfed before plunging back into her tight hole, encouraging another in-sync moan.

Gradually, he picked up a regular rhythm and fastened his speed as soon as she muttered the words, “faster” and “harder”. The sound of skin slapping on skin filled the air mixed in with their combined moans and groans.

“Yeh feel so good, so deep.” She plucked up the confidence to try her hand at some dirty talk he had never heard from her before but he had to admit, he felt himself twitch at her words.

“God, you’re killin’ me.” He shivered as he picked up his pace.

“Yeah?…” She smirked as she leant up to press her wet lips against his, moaning against them. “Fuck, Harry, don’t stop.”

Every word she said stroked his ego even more and it turned him on to no extent to get praise that he was doing everything she wanted. With a few more hard thrusts, he felt the familiar twist in his stomach.

“You gonna cum for me? You gonna cum for Daddy?” The nickname just slipped from his parted lips as he breathed heavily but it didn’t go unnoticed by her, making her let out an exaggerated moan to let him know.

“Mm, Daddy’s so good t’ me.” She paused to peck his lips once more before arching her back as he brushed against that special spot. “‘M gonna cum. Want yeh t’ cum inside me.” She whispered.

Never had she been so relieved she had decided to take up the pill since she never wanted to stop feeling this level of ecstasy.

Hearing those words whispered so filthily from her cherry red mouth tipped him over the edge as he released hard, surrounded by her squeezing walls, which in turn, caused her to become sensitive and orgasm with him still deep inside of her as they both yelled each other’s names in pleasure.

The only noises that could be heard was their heavy breathing and the parting of lips as they gave each other loving pecks, trying to come down from their highs as he carefully pulled out.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened t’ me, you know?” She rolled onto her side to face the man that collapsed by her side and cuddled up to him, tracing the watch she had given him as a second Valentine’s Day present. In fact, she had the watch that matched. It came as a couple’s collection, what could she say?

“I know, baby girl. ‘N’ I love you very much.” He replied tiredly as he followed her movements on the timepiece.

“I love you too.”

         Though, how was she to know that he told her empty promises and gave her false assumptions?

The watch she had given him? He had unexpectedly dropped the bomb on her that he had supposedly ‘lost’ it one day nonchalantly, as if he didn’t really care, after coming back from one of his never ending nights out.

She still had hers.

She never took it off since she bought them both unless she showered and went to bed.

She always put it back on in the mornings even if she didn’t have plans. She just loved having the strap to remind her of their love when he wasn’t around.

However, whenever they fought, it always seemed to her that he forgot to speak with an underlying tone of adoration like she did since she could never really stay angry at him. Always pinpointing the cons of the situation they were arguing about and making her feel guilty that she even brought it up.

But ever since she packed up and walked away from his hold on her, she figured that the only thing she was genuinely guilty of, was loving him too much. Giving him too much.

She gave him everything she had to offer and during the first few years, she thought it was enough for him to believe she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

It was only when she started to feel her grip on him slipping away from her that she knew she was his second choice. Something that she never wanted to be.


If somebody asks how we died,
Please look them straight in the eye.
Call it, “suicide”.
Don’t fabricate, just tell 'em, babe.
It was suicide.
Don’t sugarcoat it, just let them know.


         The two men stood conversing with each other as they discussed the art that was on display for the event they were invited to. They had been colleagues before; however, they had lost contact after one of them took up a new job opportunity, meeting again after a good year or so and decided to catch up.

The art gallery consisted of the most recent masterpieces from unknown artists around the globe. It was an event organised to give exposure to struggling individuals chasing their dreams and it was people like Harry and his status who were invited to review the artworks and buy them if they were impressed. All the money earnt from these purchases go back to the original artists, which in turn, correlated to more of said artists’ pieces being on display in the future.

The prices they were going for weren’t exactly the cheapest either.

“‘Ey, didn’t your girl wan’ t’ be an artist?” Obviously, the break-up hadn’t reached the likes of Harry’s newfound pal yet and it instantly wiped the smile off of his face.

“Yeah.” A remorseful chuckle was puffed out, “Yeah, she did…”

“Actually, where is she? Yeh should’ve brought her along, yeh idiot, she would’ve loved this! Las’ time I saw yeh both, you couldn’t leave each other alone.” The uninformed man stood next to him gave him a playful nudge and a wink of the eye without noticing the sudden deflation of his friend.

“She, uh… She’s not my girl anymore.” He finally confessed after swirling his drink in his cup as he was pondering whether or not to actually tell the man beside him.

“Oh, shit, H, I didn’t mean t’-…” He began to apologise for being so insensitive but was interrupted by a shake of a curly head.

“‘S all good, don’t worry ‘bout it.” His eyes cast downwards, losing the twinkle in his eyes as he tried to smile genuinely.

“If yeh don’t mind me asking, mate, wha’ happened? You seemed so happy.” A hand was placed on his shoulder roughly as a form of comfort as he sighed heavily.

“It just… Didn’t work out.” A dismissive sip of his beverage came afterwards as the guilt of brushing his four-year relationship off like it was nothing came creeping up on his conscience.

“D’yeh really expect me t’ believe that, Harry?” The questioning tone of the man that clearly didn’t believe his reason for the end of his relationship only made Harry feel even worse about his disregard and internally convinced him to elaborate.

“It was my fault.” He rubbed his hand over his face, he didn’t realise actually talking about it would affect him this much - especially in public. “I, um… God. I cheated on her.”

The recoil of the friendly hand on his shoulder signified the disappointment his friend felt towards him but kept his mouth shut, willing him to continue to explain.

“She was everything I thought I wanted, that I needed. I had no doubt that she was the woman I could spend the rest of my life with.” Harry painfully started to release his pent up feelings ever since she walked away from him the week before. “I still think she is, you know?…”

He trailed his sentence off like he was ashamed to admit his feelings. He felt as if he didn’t even deserve to mention her name, let alone keep thinking about their future together. He pulled himself together, though, he owed her character enough to explain the situation fully and not give people even the faintest idea that it was her that caused the death of their relationship.

“I ruined four years of the happiest times of my life, Nick, for nothing… It was ‘bout five or so months. It lasted for five months. It jus’ happened, I never wanted to jeopardise wha’ her and I had bu’ it was when she was away for one of her work trips.” He felt the water building up behind his eyes, ready to start falling at anytime but he had to get it out. He didn’t care if he was in public or not, it had been eating him alive not being able to talk about it with anyone. “I went t’ the bar her and I always went when we were free. We used t’ talk for hours about jus’ anything. Each other. Our days. Our families. Our future… How much we loved each other…”

He had to quieten his voice at the end otherwise he knew he would’ve burst out into ugly tears. Not like he hadn’t been doing exactly that ever since the front door closed of their shared home. Well. His home. He didn’t even think it was a ‘home’ anymore. She was the one who made it feel like a home to him and when she left, it was just a building in which he slept in every night. With all of her belongings gone after she had come to pick up the rest, catching him in his time of vulnerability when he opened the door where he hoped she would’ve been back in his arms within the hour, it was just a house. There was no warmth left within its walls; only faded memories he tried so hard to block out as he spent his nights with a skimpily-clad woman he didn’t even know the middle name of.

“I met her at that same bar and we jus’ got t’ talking. I told her how lonely I felt with the love of my life away for weeks over a few drinks I bought us. By the time she was running her hand up ‘n’ down my leg, I wasn’t in my senses and jus’ allowed her to. The first time she kissed me the same night, I couldn’t stop her even if I tried - I was so far gone. And I… I enjoyed it. It’d been so long since I actually held someone close, video calls and textin’ can only do so much, y’know? ‘Fore I knew it, I woke up the next morning in someone else’s bed and her naked body beside mine in the exact same state. All of it jus’ spiralled out of my control from there, she never stopped callin’ me for another hook up and I couldn’t bring myself to say ‘no’… I should’ve, I know I should’ve, I had a perfect life with the perfect girl but I guess, for a moment, I wanted something else. Somethin’ new.” He didn’t even attempt to hide his shame as he looked up towards the ceiling to keep the rivers that flowed in his eyes at bay.

“She didn’t even try t’ leave as soon as she found out. She told me she knew at the third month about wha’ I was doin’ and said she stayed t’ try and change my mind.” He brought a closed fist up to his mouth, refusing to break down in such a public place, and already receiving a few judgemental stares from passersby as he struggled to contain his emotions. “God, she tried t’ change my mind…” He weakly let out a breath. “She did ev’rything for me. Her attitude towards me never changed at all, she still loved me with ev’rything she had. The best girl I could’ve ever asked for was all mine and I didn’t even give her a second glance most nights when I climbed into bed with her after I came on another girl’s tits.” His sudden outburst of anger directed at himself brought unwanted attention from the few that surrounded him, earning some disapproving stares and shushes.

“Why don’t yeh call her, H? You’re in bits.” A piece of advice was given to him from Nick who stood silently throughout his whole rant. The reply to it, however, was a mocking laugh as Harry threw his head back.

“Would you forgive me if you were her?” He stared blankly at the artwork in front of him, they must’ve been stood there for 10 minutes at the least.

Once again, silence was the dumbfounded man’s only response to his rhetorical question, and that was all Harry needed to nod to himself as if he finally understood. That he finally let it sink in that his relationship was indefinitely over and there was nothing he could’ve done to make it better.

There was only so many tears he could hold in at that moment before he couldn’t physically keep his wall up and all the emotions came rushing through the floodgates of his distress and trauma.

He had managed to keep himself together for all of the times he had to inform acquaintances of his new relationship status by simply brushing it off and saying exactly what he had told Nick at the beginning. But it had become too much for the secretly heartbroken man finally, and there he was. Sobbing disgustingly into his hand as he tried to cover his cries up to leave at least some of his dignity remaining intact.

He had come to the conclusion that it was never what she had done. It was never what she had said. And it was never what he thought he felt; like he just fell out of love with her. But it was everything to do with the way she still loved him unconditionally after acknowledging his unfaithfulness to her and it made his heart hurt.

By realising this too late, he had to live with himself knowing that he pushed her too far off the edge and that he actually did love her after all.

He still loved her.

But instead of falling asleep to the sight of her radiant face - peaceful as she cuddled into his body, he had to tell everyone that he, himself, killed the best relationship he had ever been in.


He had to call it ‘suicide’.

10 | You’ll Never Walk Alone

BTS + GOT7 X READER [GANG!AU]

WORD COUNT: 5,308

series warnings: mature themes, strong language, violence, substance abuse, eventual smut. this chapter contains graphic content such as violence and alcohol

Originally posted by aestheticvbts

masterlist | ask | prev | next

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February/March fic rec!

I suck, I know. I’m late. This is ridiculously short. 

(ok, it’s not short now, but it was before I added in some fics that are gathering dust in my inbox to be read. There’s more fics I haven’t read in this rec than the opposite. oops.)

The Morning After the Night Before (4K): Harry and Louis have more or less grown up together, even now as adults it’s tradition for their families to spend a few weeks in the summer at a beach house together. Problem One: Louis has been in love with Harry forever. Problem Two: It wont stop raining.

I Slam Therefore I Am (4K): Louis and Harry are both creative souls but they aren’t friends, not by a long shot. This is the Rival Slam Poets AU that no one asked for.

I Found A Love (4K): Or the one where Louis is a nerdy English major who may just run into his happily ever after while working his shift at the local library.

Come and Kiss Me Like the First Time (5K): Louis meets Harry at his sister’s wedding.

just the sound of your voice (6k): It’s just. Harry’s so fucking quiet during sex and now Louis’ obsession with it is…it’s incessant. Louis questions it day and night, the enigma of it buzzing around his head like an annoying mosquito — all of the reasons why he’s so quiet consuming every one of his waking thoughts. Like, maybe he turns into an alien during sex if he’s not really careful? So he has to concentrate so hard on not turning into another creature he’s effectively struck mute from it. Or maybe…maybe he’s like one of those people who’s into tantric sex, like Sting or a throwback from the 1960s? And when he’s about to orgasm he travels to another plane of existence or something.

Twelfth Night (6k): Queen Anne holds a masquerade ball to try and find matches for both her children on Twelfth Night. While anonymity reigns, Prince Harry spends the ball getting to know a handsome stranger. 

‘Til I Tasted You (15K): Louis is Harry Styles’ biggest fan. It doesn’t matter that Harry is famous for being a food blogger and Louis can’t cook to save his life. At least, until Harry offers to give Louis a cooking lesson. Then it matters just a teensy bit.

Carried Away Like Butterflies (17K): It was probably a huge mistake for Louis to let his former One Night Stand move into his spare room, especially when said One Night Stand doesn’t seem to remember him.

Then We Talk Slow (20K): A famous/non-famous AU in which Louis banters back and forth with his new record company on Twitter, only to find out that Harry is the man behind the tweets.

Dance Like Warriors On A Battlefield (20K): Down in the arena, the triumphant gladiator places his foot on the back of the loser, holding him there as he waits for instruction on his next move. Kill or let live. It’s barbaric, really, the bloodlust involved in this sport. Louis is pretty sure that if it wasn’t for his distaste for the killing there would be a lot more blood soaking that sand. As it is, his father rarely gives the kill order anymore. He gives the order to let the loser live. Louis rolls his eyes, turning away. He doesn’t miss the way the gladiator’s eyes linger on him.

Like Candy In My Veins (31K): Basically the A/B/O, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, Christmas AU that nobody asked for.

All the Right Moves (32K): This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back. There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students, Harry can hear this boy nearly shrieking, his laugh more like a cackle than anything.

The Reason Is You (37K): Louis is running out of time to find a summer job. His best friend offers him one that promises early mornings, late nights, long hours, and the best people he’ll ever meet. Lucky for Louis, one of those people is Harry Styles.

tangled up in you (45K): There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

Safe and Sound (You’ll Always Be) (58K): When a failed case and a guilty conscience leaves Harry more than a little lost, his boss presents him with a new, less taxing assignment to help him cope. An escape from all the madness is just what Harry needs to get his life back on track. It’s just too bad his new client has a grin like the devil, a pair of electric eyes that Harry simply can’t get over, and no intention whatsoever of letting him catch a break.

Feels Like Coming Home (60K): The last thing Harry Styles expects when he’s hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that’s exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn’t heard one word from Louis, and he’s moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he’s a chef, isn’t easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he’d left turn out to be not so easily forgotten.

When We Were Younger (76K): Sixteen year old Harry Styles’ world turns upside down when he logs on to gay teen chat to discover somebody has stolen his photos and used them as their own.

Perfect Storm (80K): What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding. Harry and Louis choose the latter.

Dress you up in my love (103K): Harry is single, and more than anything wants to find love. Agreeing to sign up to a dating website was a bad, bad idea. Niall’s bad, bad idea. Louis is single, but has no interest in relationships. Or so he tells himself. 

Harry is a lawyer whose boss, Nick, happens to give him a bonus, which he decides to splurge on a new work wardrobe. Louis is a frustrated designer, working as a personal shopper at Selfridges. Louis happens to be working on the day a very beautiful, but out of his depth, new customer ambles into their department in need of advice. Louis might have just found the muse he never knew he was looking for.

We Are Only Just Beginning (129K): In the dim light of a dorm kitchen, Harry Styles meets a boy who flips his life upside down. Three years later, he’s a senior in college, ready to take on the world with the love of his life by his side. And then Louis Tomlinson admits he doesn’t know what he wants to do after college after all, and Harry’s world flips again, this time not so pleasantly. He can’t imagine his life without Louis, but he’s starting to worry he might have to.

Zhang Yixing//Sovereign - Part 1


Summary:
Two kingdoms are at war with another, and being the illegitimate warrior, wildcard princess, you’re appointed to the war council - along with the youngest prince of your allied country, Prince Yixing. He’s arrogant, believes he knows best no matter what - but you’re exactly the same. (1/ 2/ 3/ 4/ 5/ 6/ 7/ 8)
Scenario: Royalty!AU 
Word Count: 2,823

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I Know Your Wife (She Wouldn’t Mind) - Part Nineteen

Summary: It’s Father’s Day and, for the first time ever, you have a father to celebrate with. Your and JJ’s gift for Jensen goes viral, leading to a much needed conversation between Jared and your new father.
Words: 3.3k
Jared x Reader x Gen, Jensen, Danneel, JJ, Arrow, Zep, Tom, Shep
Warnings: fluff, mild angst
Beta: @blacksiren

I Know Your Wife - Masterpost

Your name: submit What is this?

Father’s Day, to you, was a somewhat foreign concept.

You never had a father. Your mom knew who he was, but he didn’t want you and you never wanted him either.

Anyone that would willingly leave their child with someone like your mother shouldn’t have a place in that child’s life, so you had no desire to search for him.

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Addicted. {Mafia & Soulmate AU) Part 1

Series: When you’re born, you can’t see a color until you meet the eyes of your Soulmate for the first time. Bangtan is known as one of the most infamous gangs around. This series will focus on the lighter side of things, their soulmates- Well, maybe they’re lighter. Maybe. 

Genre: Angst, Mafia!AU, Soulmate!AU, Fluff

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, violence, substance abuse, mature themes, strong language

Word count: 4,085

Summary: Suga, the Stealth and Weapons guy of Bangtan meets his Soulmate with a bang. He’d grown up believing in the idea of finding the person he was destined to be with and won’t let her get away. Even if she’s addicted, he’s determined to help her. He just wants to save his Blue girl.


You were fucked up. You were incoherent at this point, but goddamn did you fucking love it. Getting messed up, doing what you want… it was the lifestyle you had adapted to. As a child, you were the star of your parents lives. Straight A’s, sports, clubs… Everything to the nines as a privileged baby. When you left for school it all changed. You found drugs. You found alcohol. You found a love in breaking rules.

Right now you were cruising down a highway with your roommates. You’d moved off of campus for your junior year into this shitty apartment that you could all barely afford. There were four of you and right now you were all high as fuck. They were just high, but you… you were so twisted. Scotch whiskey never tasted better than on a fall day. They kept going on about the color of your hair today and how vibrant it looked. It was a normal golden brown, but you wouldn’t even know. Your brown was the color of grey.

His blue must have been grey. He definitely had it worse, not being able to see the clear skies or waters that were all around. It was terrible, not being able to see the color of your soulmate’s eyes until you saw them. Some people were denied the most beautiful sights until they ran into their soul mate. You were lucky- it was just a brown. Well, gold. Throughout your life you’d gotten all of the gold medals, but they didn’t really mean too much as they were just a plain grey.

It was all dumb, the way this world worked. Predetermined things deciding your fate… fucking insane.

You were at your high, windows all rolled down, smoking a blunt into the sunset. Throwbacks were blasting through the car as were the sounds of other cars, driving into the distance. You were happy. Laughing, singing. Everything was good. It was always good.

Then there it was. A moment of eye contact as you passed a black van. He had blonde hair and beautiful eyes. It was a brief few seconds, but you saw it. The specs of gold in his eyes that looked bored. He looked out the window to avoid whoever he was with. He was met with your eyes. Met with a fate.


He was intense. Min Yoongi was the most intense man he knew, as chided by everyone around him. Bangtan. The name of his gang that ruled the streets around them. He wasn’t in charge, but he wasn’t to be messed with. He stood almost 5’10 and this month his hair was blonde to throw off the allure that he was Bangtan’s baddest boy.

They’d just come back from a shootout. There were three of them in the car as of now and he sat shotgun while his friend Jin drove and Taehyung sat in the back. They were listening to old school Eminem and the two of them were rapping. They were shitty in his opinion, but he wasn’t in the mood to be vocal.  He just looked out as they passed the other cars, until his attention was drawn away. The first car on the highway to pass them revealed the most beautiful color his eyes had ever seen. Blue.

The world around him changed in the brief moment and suddenly the grey color in the sky was blue. It faded into the sunset, but he saw it. He saw the color of Jin’s jeans and the color of the car in front of them as it sped on by.

“Drive faster.” He demanded.

“What the fuck, dude?”

“Catch that blue car. I can see it. Catch that blue car.” And Jin stepped on it. Tae tried to buckle his seat belt, but instead he found himself struggling and flailing around the car. He eventually got it down.

Your friends were fucking confused. You went on and on about how you saw the color brown now, but they didn’t quite comprehend. None of you thought to try to flag down the other car, but then it hit you. The black van he was in hit your friends blue convertible. The four of you were stunned at first. You flew forward, the windshield broke with your weight being thrown threw it and you felt yourself bleeding. Your friends were both fine and the other car looked okay too. Her car was fine, other than the windshield you shattered. Your eyes dropped to the ground.

Feet were suddenly in view. There were black boots the cut off around the ankles and a pale white hand reached out to cup your face. Now, you could see the sunset. In front of that beautiful sight, was another one. His eyes bore into yours and he studied them. He didn’t pay attention to how hurt you were, he just looked into your eyes. Then he reached out and picked you up. It was so weird, being as incoherent as you were in this life changing situation, but he didn’t even notice.

You guessed he was blaming your state on the crash, but then you threw up on his black boots. Maybe then he got the picture.  You couldn’t even lift your head up to marvel at the new sight, but this was him. He’d understand if you vomited on his shoes. Maybe.


You woke up in a dark room in new clothes. Your body hurt, fuck it really fucking hurt. “Was I kidnapped?” Your broken voice surprised you, but not as much as the other voice in the room.

“No.” It was brash and deep. He sounded- tired. “It’s me- you don’t know me, but… it’s me.”

The light flickered on and he came into view. He wasn’t as tall as you’d pictured him, but he was taller than you. His skin was a milky white and his hair was blonde, but you could almost sense it wasn’t natural. He wore all black, except for his grey socks. Maybe he’d confused them with blue when he put them on; Before he had  met eyes with his soulmate.

You two locked eyes for a moment and he scrunched his nose. His demanding, scary aura faded as he smiled and reached out to rub a fresh cut on your cheek. “Y/N.” you spoke, reaching up to touch his fingers. A vibrant shock flew through both of your bodies, but you kept your hand uptop his.

“Yoongi- But nobody calls me Yoongi. It’s Suga to the rest of the world.” His voice was full of secrets that he seemed full well ready to expose to you. That name seemed familiar and you had recalled hearing something about the nefarious Suga and Bangtan Gang. You never really got involved with that shit, even though it was big in the town you now lived in. Your own life was complex enough without watching people die all of the time due to rivalry and drugs- you preferred to stay out of it.

“What am I supposed to call you?” Your voice was small. All of this was new and the only thing that was set in your moment was that you wanted to throw up again. And get high. You had a problem. Literally. “I’d like to call you Yoongi.”

“That’s fine.” his response was quick, “I’m not going to call you Y/N in front of people. I don’t want them to know your name. I’ll call you Blue in front of people.”

“Suga and Blue?” You couldn’t even make some snarky response because of how ill you felt at the moment. Your head was close to his and his hand was still on your face. You brought it forward to touch your forehead to his. “I don’t feel well.” you whispered.

His face was straight. “Nervous?” he looked prideful.

“No, I’m deprived.” he furrowed his eyebrow, obviously confused. “I- I don’t have a problem.” Classic excuse. “I just need something.” He was still confused, maybe he hadn’t figured out that you were fucked up earlier and that’s why you threw up. He probably thought it was from the car crash. The crash. “Where are my friends?”

“They went back home. We’ve purchased them a new identical vehicle. They’re fine.” He stood up and stretched his back. You guessed he was here for hours just watching you passed out. Maybe making sure you didn’t vomit in your sleep and choke to death within hours of meeting him. “Now, what do you need?”

It almost pained you to say it. You weren’t embarrassed ever except for some reason he was making you seem like you should be. He was in a gang, he dealt with drugs and violence every day. It was almost a surprise how he hadn’t gotten one look at you and know you had a problem. “I’m sorry.” you pulled your legs in close to your chest, biting onto the inside of your lip. “I just need to go- to go home.”

“To that shitty apartment you live in? With too many people, no personal space?” he scoffed and walked over to you, grabbing for your hand. “No. You’re gonna live with me from now on.”

You followed his pull, almost afraid of his harsh words. “No? You’re my soulmate Yoongi, not my keeper. Not my warden.” There was an alarming feeling in the room and he was almost confused. He kept pulling you behind him as he stepped into a hallway.

The walls were full of pictures of him and other boys. You guessed they were the rest of the Bangtan gang. Being on the inside, they didn’t look as threatening as the stories that were told about them around town. They were merciless dealers, hitman, and thieves. Now you were in their den.

“I know I’m not, but listen Blue.” you took note that you were out of the privacy of a closed door and therefore ears were on. “You’re my soulmate and I want you to be protected and not live in a shit hole that’s a step away from getting demolished. You can continue about your daily life, but now I’ll be in it. Probably the rest of Bangtan too. You can stay here with us. With me.” He stopped in front of a door that had Suga scribbled on the front of it, surrounded by cd covers. “This is our room.”

He let go of your hand and stepped back. His eyes watched your hands as they shook and slowly reached for the diamond plated door handle. It turned within your hands as it would come to a million times in the future. Yoongi let you go in alone and he disappeared without a sound when you turned to where he had been seconds prior.

The room was dimly lit already, meaning he hadn’t turned off the lights from whenever he had last been in here. There was a queen size bed off to the corner and the room wasn’t messy, it just wasn’t organized. There was a giant tv in front of the bed and on the other side of the room, there was almost a supercomputer surrounded by papers, cds. Sharpies, pens, and a bunch of different colored post its with scribbles on it.

The room was dark and you couldn’t figure out if you liked it or not. The world that you lived in was crazy. This whole soulmate thing was crazy. When you met your soulmate, it was almost routine to drop whatever was going on in your life and just to mesh with them. This was a lucky situation, the two of you were close enough to make it work and with him forcibly moving you into his life, this could be tragic or amazing. An amazing life with the man with a high bounty. Or you’d die, but that seemed to be a daily risk as of late.

Yoongi had gone to the Bangtan lounge where he’d found the other six members sitting around, discussing his brash actions. None of them were really judging because they’d all decided they would have done the same if faced with the situation. Then they all agreed that was pathetic of them to do, but they’d stick to their guts nonetheless. That’s who the seven of them were, infamous boys who acted before thinking most things through.

“How’d she take it?” Hoseok scooted closed to Jungkook leaving Yoongi room on the couch. He flopped down, forcing everyone to move farther away to make room for their Suga.

“She’s fine, but she keeps mentioning needing something, I don’t want to be invasive and divulge into her personal details, but I’m getting worried. What if she needs some kind of medication or something.” Yoongi was the lazy one of the group, despite how many kills or whatever he had wracked up over the past few years. His intentions were always grand, but it was strange to everyone else how much effort he’d put into this girl. Of course, they knew he was her one and only, they all knew that. Except, they didn’t expect this sort of change especially before barely speaking to her.

“Well, I did a bit of research.” Jimin spoke from the corner with his eyes glued to his phone. He was met with strange eyes. “I didn’t just want to let a stranger into our home with no knowledge. She could be working with the enemy or something-”

“Don’t say that, Jimin.” Yoongi groaned. “She’s my soulmate, you can’t fake that.”

“She’s an addict, Suga. She loves pills, weed, and alcohol. You got yourself a life sentence, not a soul mate.” he chuckled and Yoongi sank lower on the couch. “She’s gonna go through some withdrawal soon, must have also been why she threw up on your shoes. Go check on her, Suga. She’s sick and I guess someone somewhere thought you could fix her.”

The only thoughts that crowded Yoongi’s mind were about how if he had met you sooner he could have stopped this. All he wanted to do was blame himself. Such as if he had made a different turn somewhere, he could have saved you. He would always be full of guilt about not finding you- his soulmate sooner. He believed it was because he always stuck to the shadows when that definitely wasn’t the case. The two of you just never ran down the same path and it was something that should have been more obvious to him.

Meanwhile, you were stopping yourself from throwing up. You hadn’t been this- sober in a while. A lot of painful nights kept flashing in your mind and all you could seem to blame was yourself. There was a lot of wondering about how you wound up this- this pathetic. Relying on all of these illegal things and things to make you forget. Your life hadn’t been too bad, but here you were- suffering.

Yoongi ran into the room out of breathe. Before saying anything, he watched you writhe around on his bed in pain and his face spoke how you were feeling. “I’m sorry it’s me.” you choked out, sniffing up your runny nose. Your eyes couldn’t even look up to meet his, but you know how they probably looked. Disgust was a common thing people saw in you when you ended up like this.

Except when you mounted up the courage to look at him, they read pain. Same as yours. They wanted to help. Yoongi reached out and wiped your tears and wrapped onto of his arms around you, pulling you in tight. He moved around and positioned your hurting body onto his torn up one. The only thing in line of sight were his bare arms, filled with scars and a few fresh wounds. Your shaking fingers ran over them, tracing them up and down.

“Oh, Blue.” he hummed into your ear, flicking his eyes towards the open door. “Don’t worry, I’ve seen worse. I- I want to be here for you and help you. This shit is all crap, but- I know you’re it.” Within a flash his lips were on yours and you suddenly felt numb again. Only for a little bit and then your body was hot.

You kissed him back and the pain you were in floated away, followed by the sparks igniting from the kiss. “You don’t have to pretend.” Was all you kept thinking as the kiss became deeper. He ran has hands through your hair, brushing out the kinks that had formed within it. You pulled away first and you swore you heard a whine at the loss of contact. “I- I have class today.”

School was never truly the first thing on your mind, but maybe it would have to be now. You had begun school majoring in business, but you had quickly changed it to pharmaceuticals.  Was there even a question as to why? It was extremely ironic, but it had caught your eye along with the different things that came along with it. You swore up and down you’d stop the drugs the day you graduated, but it was clear to you in this moment that this was it. You were done because there was no way this guy was going to let you keep pushing yourself closer to death.

His eyes seemed to have seen the world and he wasn’t keen on the idea of letting you end up dead in some street because he gave you some cocaine Bangtan had laying around the home. You untangled yourself from him and woozily stood up. There was a moment before you swayed in your balance, but there he was to catch you. From now on, he’d be there to catch you. Which was good- you seemed to fall a lot.

Your eyes glanced at the large digital clock that was on his desk. “Can I shower? My class is in an hour and a half.” you whispered and reached out to the bed post to support yourself. “Then I can walk to sch-”

“I’ll drive you.” his voice was stern. “And pick you up. Our bathroom is right down the hall.” Yoongi stood up and ran almost like a maniac around the room collecting towels, shower things, and clothes for you to change into. It was so out of character for him to be crazed like this judging by his demeanor that you almost laughed. Almost.

Once he’d gathered everything, he motioned his head towards the door and you backed up to let him lead. “Hold onto the walls.” Yoongi ordered you. The bathroom was at the end of the looming hallway and as you walked by the doors, you heard noises from a few of them. Some held conversations you weren’t keen on listening into and some blasted music or a television show. However, the door next to the bathroom opened as the two of you reached the door.

A lanky man dressed casually in ripped jeans and a white shirt with dark hair had his eyes focused on you. His figure leaned against the door frame and a smirk covered his face. Yoongi didn’t take notice of this other man as he continued into the bathroom, but you had completely stopped. “So this is her?” he spoke and extended a hand to steady your shaking body. “What’s her name?” He didn’t even speak to you, just around.

“Jungkook, don’t you dare fucking touch her.” With a swift motion, Yoongi dropped everything in his hands to the ground and was in between the other member and yourself. His hands held your shoulders and his eyes threw daggers towards the dark haired man who let out a chuckle. “Go find one of your sluts if you want to fucking devour someone, don’t go near her.”

Jungkook kept a malevolent laugh going to himself as Yoongi shuffled you into the bathroom. Once he looked the door, the laugh stopped and the only open door in the home slammed. He picked up all the things he had dropped and placed them onto a shelf, laying them completely neat. “Who was that?” You questioned and sat onto the closed toilet.

“The fucking little shit of Bangtan. His name’s Jungkook and he thinks he can claim whatever the fuck he wants. His fucking beetey eyes were trying to claim you like I wouldn’t fucking notice.” his tone was harsh as he spoke through gritted teeth. “Kid’s a fucking good sharpshoot, but I try not to take him around important people. He wreaks of destruction and sex.” You laughed at the one until Yoongi glanced at you to stop.

“Aren’t you all in a-” your voice turned into a whisper. “-gang.” he rolled his eyes and let out a breathy chuckle as your voice returned to normal. “Don’t you have like some weird dedication to each other and have to- I dunno, care?”

He turned on the water and held his hand under it so he could get it to the perfect temperature. “Yeah, there’s that. That whole thing, but I dunno. Outside of work I tend to stay away from him when it comes to- females. Especially that. Kid’s always in some shit with some bitch he picked up at a bar. I’d risk my life for him though. I’ve done it before. For all of them, actually. Funny how that works.” Yoongi simply shrugged. “I’m gonna go into our room.” A shiver ran through your body as he spoke the word our. “I’ll come check up on you in like 15 minutes? Your school is about a twenty minute drive so that should be enough time.”

He turned away from you to walk out and as soon as his back was turned, you began to lift your shirt. You were still in the same clothes as yesterday and it was disgusting the way they clung to your body. You pulled it off to put it next to the clean clothes he was giving you only to find his eyes on you again. Yoongi cleared his throat. “I don’t want you walking alone around the house- not yet. It’s yours too now, but I need to ease you into the boys. Okay, Y/N? They’ve been in this life for quite a bit and some have mixed reactions about this whole soulmate thing, alright baby?”

Your face was hot as his eyes roamed your body and your crossed your arms to cover your breasts in an instant. “Y-Yep, got it.”

The moment he was gone, you removed the rest of your clothes and slowly stepped into the marble shower. The shower itself was spacious and covered in gold. There was no rust on any inch of it, so you could only infer it may have been pure gold. The water wasn’t too hot, actually. It was around the temperature you preferred. Warm but with a little bit of chill to keep you lucid.

However, you weren’t exactly all there in this moment. As you rubbed the soap over your body, you felt the bruises that were covering it from the car crash. The car crash that he had caused. You’d been ignoring it, but here it was in your face. That just seemed to be the way he was. When he had a goal, he was jet set on getting it and that had carried over.

As you got lost in your thoughts, you didn’t really notice until you slid onto the floor of the shower. You sat for a few minutes before hoisting yourself up and finishing cleaning yourself. You could almost feel the bruises darkening and hurting a bit more, but luckily most of them were in hidden spots. He heard a faint knock on the door almost instantaneously after turning off the water.

“Hello?” you called out, patting yourself dry with the towels he had left for you.

“Blue, I’m ready to go whenever you are.” his melodious tone flowed through your ears. “I have your bag and everything too, alright? I’ll be right here waiting.”

His dedication made you happy. You didn’t know him well- obviously, but the thought of having someone who you’re fated to be with that doesn’t reject it was almost alarming. A lot of people simply rejected the soulmate law. They didn’t want to believe that some weird push and pull of the world was truly controlling their destiny even if the proof was right there.


Author’s Note;; Feedback would be appreciated as I am going to write one of these for each of the BTS members. I’d like to know everyone’s thoughts and such!!

Hoseok’s installment!

Taehyung’s installment!

Jungkook’s installment!

Part 2 

Inspired by @nonbinarytonystark‘s prompt- Tony likes to wear Steve’s clothes


It was a thing.


It didn’t mean anything, per se… Steve’s sweaters were just cozy, okay? And his sweatpants were soft and his tshirts were baggy and they all smelt like something undeniably Steve-

Yeah. Anyway. Like Tony said. It was a thing.

To be honest, he hadn’t even expected anyone to notice, really- they were just a few clothes, after all. Nothing special. The team used his stuff all the time- what made this different? Nothing, that was what. It wasn’t like Tony… hoarded it, or anything. And he certainly didn’t steal Steve’s jumpers after bad nights in order to calm him down. That would just be stupid.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.

In fact, if he hadn’t come down one time, half asleep and wearing literally none of his own clothes, everyone probably would have just let it slide. Tony honestly hadn’t done it intentionally- he was just tired and a little shaken from the lovely morning nightmare that had served as his wakeup call, and Steve’s clothes were soft and big and smelt really nice.

It was calming. It was… home. 

So Tony had slid them on without a second thought and then trundled downstairs, pretty much still asleep. Mornings, especially early ones like this one, were most definitely not his forte.

Except… turns out that superspies were observant. Who’d have thought? 

Anyway, they noticed it immediately. Natasha just raised an eyebrow, but Clint was an asshole, so Clint wolf-whistled and jostled Steve’s shoulder, making him turn from where he was busily preparing his breakfast in order to look in their direction. Tony, still pretty much sleepwalking at that point, just tried to zoom in on the coffee and direct his body toward it. He doesn’t notice everyone staring, or Steve’s progressively reddening cheeks.

“Nice look, Tony,” Natasha says quietly, eyes still on the morning paper.

“Fuck yourself,” he says cheerily, and barely even winces when the spoon flies an inch away from his nose in response. He’s grown used to it.

Clint makes a move, ruffling his hair and then cooing, despite Tony’s grumble of protest. He would normally just punch him, but did he mention how tired he was? Really fucking tired.

“Don’t you just want to fucking bundle him up when he’s like this? How do you resist, Steve?” Clint asks, and Tony glares at him and turns to Steve, ready to hear a witty quip in reply, but the other man is just spluttering a little incoherently, eyes still fixed on the pale blue button-down that’s pretty much slipping right off Tony’s shoulders.

His face falls a little, because shit, Steve’s noticed. And now they’re probably going to have a long and awkward conversation about boundaries, where Steve tells him he needs to stop wearing his clothes, which will suck, because Tony loves Steve’s clothes-

He’s so caught up in his own head that he forgets to watch where his feet are going, and they catch on the overhanging material that hangs over his toes whenever he wears Steve’s sweatpants, and then he’s off, falling face first, destination: corner of the fucking tabletop.

Great way to start the day.

He braces for impact, a little yelp escaping his lips as he jerks his hands up on instinct- but impact doesn’t come. Instead, there’s a sudden tight pressure on his waist, and he realizes it’s an arm that’s just managed to snag him before he brains himself. Which is nice. Definitely helpful.

Steve is stood there, a little awkwardly, arm simply outstretched and holding Tony’s entire body-weight like it’s nothing, which is probably not something he needs to be thinking about when wearing thin sweatpants-

“Where are your glasses, Tony?” Steve says, fond exasperation evident in his voice as he pulls Tony upright again and then softly places a hand against his jaw, checking to see that all braining incidents had been 100% avoided.

Tony scowls, and shrugs. “Left them out somewhere- but I don’t need them to see my own two feet, Steve, only reason I fell was because your pants are-”

He’s about to say stupidly big, before realizing that, being the insanely clever person he is, he just managed to expose himself and his clothe-stealing ways right in front of the man himself.


Amazing. He was on a god damn roll this morning. God- he wished he’d just knocked himself out on the tabletop. 


But rather than frowning and pulling him up on it, Steve just blushes a little bit deeper, and Tony watches his eyes flicker down very briefly, before dragging themselves back up immediately and only making the blush go even darker, and at this rate Steve is going to be a motherfucking tomato, or his cheeks are going to burst open from too much blood rushing around in them.

“They suit you,” Steve says quietly,and Tony has to question whether or not he’s even conscious at this point, because that was definitely a lip bite, and Steve’s eyes keep flickering down toward Tony’s exposed collarbone like there’s a god damn magnet attached to the thing-

“Wait,” Tony blurted suddenly, squinting a little and hoping that his eyesight really isn’t failing him enough to imagine that, “do you…no way-do you like that?”

Steve laughed, and this time it was a lick of the lips, which was honestly just unfair at this time of day. “Uhhh-”

“he means he likes you wearing his clothes, but he’d prefer them back on his bedroom floor,” Bruce piped up, which was surprising, because everyone had assumed he’d just been napping on the tabletop.

Steve frowned. “Can you maybe let me flirt on my own, guys?” 

“Hey, you chose to do this in the communal room, your fault,” Clint said, before waving them away, “now shoo- go have your way with him or whatever, Steve- I don’t want to see any more of this here, I’m eating my cereal.”

Tony looked at Steve, still trying to actually conceive what was happening here. Steve just looked at him, waiting for a sign of confirmation, and when Tony gave a confused nod of his head, Steve wasted absolutely no time in sweeping him directly off his feet and into an effortless bridal carry, beginning to maneuver them both out of the communal room at a brisk pace.

Tony blinked, hands wrapping around Steve’s neck instinctively, feeling more than a little blissed out when all Steve’s warmth and softness and smell that he usually leeched off his clothes was suddenly pressed up directly against him. 

“Bye,” was all Steve called out, before sliding out into the corridor and immediately pressing Tony against the wall, mouth meeting Tony’s possessively, greedily.

“You really like the clothes, huh,” Tony whispered in amazement, in between kisses.

He was kissing Steve he was kissing Steve he was kissing Steve he was kissing St-

Steve smiled, hands wandering underneath the button down and slipping around his waist. “Every time, every damn time you’d come down wearing something of mine, I wanted to do this. I thought you were doing it on purpose- you had to be. There couldn’t have been any other reason you hadn’t noticed how I reacted to it.”

Tony opened his mouth to reply, biting down on a groan between breaths, but Steve kissed him again, picking him up once more, this time by the ass, and then waiting for Tony to wrap his legs around Steve’s waist before moving them forward. “I might make you keep the shirt on, though. It looks good. Real good.My clothes always look good on you”

Tony grinned, “possessive streak, have we, Rogers?”

“You have no idea,”

“I feel like I’m about to find out, though.”

Steve smiled, smug and dirty as he kissed Tony’s neck, whispering “damn fuckin’ straight.”


Okay. So maybe the morning was looking up, after all.

Fate is a bitch - Bruce Wayne x Reader

Warning : I was drunk when I wrote this, just coming back from a friend place…I drunk two beers, and that’s enough for me to get drunk, how weak am I right ? It’s because I never drink…Anyway, that’s why this fic is shittier than usually blahblahblah it’s all fun and game until blahblahblah I thought about not writing this and posting it, but then I promised two stories for tonight so still did it and I’m an idiot yes thank you very much. Look how great Bruce looks down there. Damn hottie. DAAAAAAMN HOTTIE. 

Decided to group two requests, because the two together inspired me. So here for a shy reader, newly a Justice League member, intimidated by the Bat. As usual, feedbacks are very welcome, hope you’ll like it :

PART TWO

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

________________________________________________ 

Destiny. 

You strongly believed in Destiny. 

No matter what people could say, how many arguments against it they had, and how much they were sceptic about it…it wouldn’t change your mind. You strongly believed in Destiny.

Because it was impossible only coincidences brought you were you were now…in the Justice League’s headquarters ! 

It wasn’t a coincidence that your path crossed Billy Batson’s, aka Shazam, one of the most powerful superhero in the World (though he was barely ten years old), and that you ended up adopting him.

It wasn’t a coincidence that you so happen to be a meta-human too, being able to manipulate the four elements. 

It wasn’t a coincidence that your son got noticed by the Justice League, nor was it a coincidence either that soon, the leaguers discovered he was only a ten year old boy in the body of a grown ass man (when he used his powers) and therefor, discovered that he had a mom…you. Who almost grilled Superman because you thought he wanted to hurt your boy. 

You believe strongly in Destiny, because hell, if all those chain of events were just coincidental, then wow…It just didn’t make sense. It was just too good to be true you know ? From your first meeting with four years old Billy to now, sitting in the League’s headquarter, in fucking Space ! 

The first one you met was Batman, and damn that guy was intimidating…But when he spoke to you, and when he congratulated you to have raised such a good boy as Billy, something weird happened in your heart. 

At first, you pegged it for a stupid teenage like crush. Like the slight infatuation you’d have on the most popular boy in school, or on a teacher, knowing damn well you’d never have a chance with them. But then…Then it was more than that. The more you saw and talked to him, the more you had…feelings stirring in your belly and such. 

Destiny. You strongly believed in it. 

So, when you started to fall for the Bat, you decided it was also Destiny…Only, sometimes fate could be a bitch, and would destin you to be a sad miserable human being. Because there was absolutely NO chance that you’d ever get with a guy like Batman, he was way out of your league. 

Keep reading

billboard.com
How Fifth Harmony Moved On and Took Control of Their Music: 'The Fans Are Our Fifth Member'
They may be down one sister since Camila Cabello’s messy exit from the group in December, but the women of Fifth Harmony are counting their blessings.

Ally Brooke Hernandez, 24, has a two-tone thing happening, with a black leather hat and skirt paired with a fuzzy pink sweater and pumps. Normani Kordei, 21, has accented herself with huge chrome hoop earrings and silver-dipped nails. Lauren Jauregui, 21, wears a lacy boho-chic blouse and carries her puppy, a rescue mutt named Leo. Then there’s Dinah Jane Hansen, 20, who peels off a trippy floral jacket to reveal a bright yellow tee that reads, in big block letters, “I’M A RAY OF FUCKING SUNSHINE.”

Fifth Harmony used to tour malls like this: shopped from town to town, crammed between kiosks for tchotchkes and lit by department store signs. That was in 2013, less than a year after its lineup was now-famously chosen by Simon Cowell and Antonio “L.A.” Reid flipping through the headshots of X Factor contestants on the verge of washing out. The teens twice tried to christen themselves, but the first name (LYLAS, for “Love You Like a Sister”) was already in use, and the judges hated the second (1432, pager code for “I love you, too”), so Cowell asked viewers to submit ideas online. Rebranded Fifth Harmony, they took third place and stepped off the show into a joint deal with Reid’s Epic Records and Cowell’s Syco Music.

But those are all tales of an earlier era, before 2016, the group’s biggest year yet – and the one that ended in shambles when, exhausted and unfulfilled, 5H lost Camila Cabello to a solo career. Last year’s 7/27 debuted at No. 4 on the Billboard 200, propelled by “Work From Home,” the first top 10 Billboard Hot 100 hit from a girl group in nearly a decade. But the acrimonious December split made even bigger news, with 5H accusing Cabello of quitting through her reps, and Cabello denying the accusations. It was… awkward.

“Try experiencing it,” retorts Jauregui when I volunteer as much. The rest of the group, as it so often does, rushes in to complete her thought. “I was literally going to say that,” Kordei quickly adds. “I get to sleep at night knowing we did everything in our power as friends, bandmates and human beings” to make it work. Then Hernandez: “You can’t change people.” And finally, Hansen: “Let’s just say we’re in a better place now – there are no secrets in this circle.”

Jauregui admits she nearly threw up from anxiety before the downsized 5H’s first performance, at the People’s Choice Awards in January. But today, the members are quick to (literally) high-five each other as they talk about their ongoing 7/27 Tour, the first in which they’ve built in real downtime, and a third album, due later this year on Epic. “Honestly, in this very moment, we could not be happier,” says Hernandez with more assertiveness than the Pollyanna-ish cheer that’s her trademark. Their first new single as a foursome, “Down” – a neon-edged dancehall bubbler featuring a warmly romantic verse from Gucci Mane (“Got me showing off my [engagement] ring like I’m Jordan”) – reached No. 42 on the Hot 100. Meanwhile, Cabello’s “Crying in the Club,” which entered the charts two weeks earlier, peaked at No. 47. Both are still active on the Mainstream Top 40 list.

“Crying in the Club” is a wide-screen, Sia-style ballad and “Down” is an airy dance track, but the two have more in common than just a chart trajectory: They’re both grown-up songs for longtime professional “girls” now expected to be seductive women. The 5H video, which racked up 21.6 million views in two weeks, even seems to offer some sly commentary on this, with the group pulling up to a seedy motel and writhing on beds in separate rooms. But the women have come up with their own narrative for the lyrics, which came to them from “Work From Home” co-creators Ammo and DallasK, and include “You the type that I could bake for/’Cause baby, you know how to take that cake” – as well as the chorus, “Long as you’re holding me down/I’m going to keep loving you down.”

“We dedicate it to each other,” says Hansen. “We’ve been together five years, so that message is powerful to us. We’ve been there for each other through ups and downs.” Hernandez hits her with an “Amen.”

The single is only a slice of what’s to come, because for the first time, 5H is co-writing its songs – over half, in fact, of those destined for the new album. Since January, it has been holding songwriting camps between tour stops, mostly at Windmark Recording, just two miles from here. The group typically breaks into pairs, then takes turns with that day’s writers and producers like 5H alums Monsters & Strangerz and pop and R&B producers Harmony Samuels (Ariana Grande) and Sebastian Kole (Alessia Cara).

“It’s not like they came in at the end and started riffing,” says Leah Haywood of Dreamlab, which has two songs on the album. “We sat and wrote verses together, because they’re empowered women who want to be pushing the agenda.” Justin Bieber’s go-to hook man Poo Bear, who worked with Skrillex on a 5H session, adds, “I was pretty blown away. They were hungry and excited and seemed like they had a serious new point to prove.”

Those collaborators create “safe spaces,” says Jauregui, where they can try ideas without fear of judgment. But the world outside isn’t so cushy. Plenty of popular girl groups have lost members and carried on, but none have found more success. En Vogue withered commercially without Dawn Robinson. Destiny’s Child hit peak sales just before LeToya Luckett and LaTavia Roberson were ousted. And the one Spice Girls album that followed the departure of Geri Halliwell was an abject flop.

One Direction provides a hopeful example – Made in the A.M. handily outsold its predecessor even without Zayn Malik. But the industry is perhaps kinder to boy bands. As much as its music (and videos) might be maturing, 5H is dedicating itself to an idea almost radical in its innocence: that four pop stars are better off as a single group – albeit with a name that, at this point, feels a bit silly. “The fans,” quips Hernandez, “are our fifth member.”

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, whose 15-year-old daughter Simone is “pretty tight” with Hansen, says 5H is “aspirational to so many young girls around the world.” He adds, “Once the drama [of Cabello’s exit] settles, instead of looking at it as a devastating loss, I look at it as an amazing opportunity for growth.”

We’re now inside, aprons on, at The Gourmandise School of Sweets & Savories. The women chat about how much they love SZA’s Ctrl as they pioneer new ways to Snapchat themselves, chopping scallions for quesadillas, charring tandoori-style chicken wings and deep-frying homemade potato chips. Overseen by a chef named Jamie, they share kitchen duties with an almost psychic ease – except for the cookies. The plan is for everyone to pitch in on a batch of the classic chocolate-chip variety, and that’s how it starts. But then Jauregui asks for white chocolate, Hansen requests pretzels, and Hernandez wants her Texas pecans (she’s from San Antonio). Soon one mixing bowl becomes four, and Kordei is in the pantry foraging hazelnuts, Rice Krispies and almond extract.

It’s a cute metaphor for how 5H’s members are cultivating their independence not only from their corporate minders but from one another. It’s also woefully inadequate in addressing Jauregui’s personal journey during the last few months, starting with a declaration she defiantly slid into an open letter to Trump voters, which she wrote for Billboard in November: “I am a bisexual Cuban-American woman, and I am so proud of it … I am proud to feel the whole spectrum of my feelings, and I will gladly take the label of ‘bitch’ and ‘problematic’ for speaking my mind.”

In March, Jauregui shared photos from a November “coming-out” shoot, as photographer Nicole Cartolano characterized it to MTV, with her then-girlfriend Lucy Vives (daughter of Colombian singer Carlos Vives). Her sexual identity has since cropped up in her music. Jauregui briefly made an appearance on the Hot 100 as a guest on Halsey’s “Strangers,” which, as a duet about an it’s-complicated same-sex romance, has inspired more than a few think pieces.

Jauregui’s openness speaks not only to the accepting nature of 5H but also to the potential for a mainstream girl group in an era where many minorities feel under attack. 5H is still a place for purity rings. Hernandez is wearing a “TRUE LOVE WAITS” band. She and Kordei identify as Christian, while Hansen is Mormon. But all insist Jauregui’s expression is “supported.” And Jauregui, who believes in “the universe and a god source, like an energy,” seems content with this. But asked if she would be comfortable singing about a relationship with a woman in a 5H song, she says she doesn’t know, “because it has to do with me personally. It doesn’t speak for everyone in the group, which is its own entity as an artist. That’s the whole reason for doing your own thing.”

Kordei has recently added a new chapter to her story, too. She competed on Dancing With the Stars this past spring, returning to a childhood passion. “I grew up dancing competitively and being in pageants, and my grandma made all my costumes and dresses. I remember watching the show on the couch with her, and she’d pause the TV to create sketches based off what she saw,” she says. Kordei and her partner, Val Chmerkovskiy, finished third, which is all the more impressive when you consider that for the first three weeks she flew to the Los Angeles tapings direct from 5H’s Asia tour, popping melatonin on the plane and chugging coffee (a new habit) before doing the cha-cha.

Hernandez recently dropped a summery song with DJ duo Lost Kings and A$AP Ferg. She also clocked a writing session with Christian country-folk singer Cindy Morgan and touts the acting career she plans to launch this year. Hansen has an unreleased RedOne cut featuring Fetty Wap and French Montana, and she loves tennis and jokes about becoming a volleyball star. “I’m at a place where I’m continuing to identify myself,” she says. In other words: find her part in what could become a multidisciplinary 5H empire.

“Last year, we all learned a lesson about mental health and making sure you step away from something. It just makes this stronger,” says Jauregui. “Fifth Harmony is the home base,” offers Kordei, “where we always come back.” “Yasss,” says Hernandez.

Of course, when your break from work is more work, there isn’t much room for, like, life. They all describe their days as a “blur,” and Hansen says she doesn’t know “what vacation means.” For those who keep asking: No, Kordei still hasn’t had a chance to go on that date with DWTS’ Bonner Bolton. And in a quiet moment in the kitchen, Hernandez confesses that there’s nothing she wants more than to get married. But the women don’t even have homes apart from their families – the houses would sit empty.

It was only 14 months ago, in the middle of my interview with the group for its first Billboard cover, that the same four sitting here broke down in tears detailing the extent of their fatigue and stress. “Jesus Christ, dark times,” recalls Jauregui, and they didn’t let up. The same day Cabello’s exit was announced, there was a leak of what seemed to be a recording of Jauregui telling Hernandez the band was treated like “literal slaves.” “I don’t know where that [audio] came from,” says Jauregui, “but that’s what the game does to you sometimes: runs you dry.” But it was a bit more than that.

“We were little girls coming off of a TV show and had a team of people trying to sculpt us into something we weren’t,” says Hansen. “They took advantage, like, ‘Get in there and record this, you thing,’ ” says Jauregui.

“If you’re told you can’t do something when there’s a creative desire to do it, that’s depressing,” says Geri Horner – nee Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice – who just released her first single in 12 years. “Spice Girls always wrote our own stuff, but I can relate to that.”

The long road to liberation began with 5H hiring outspoken music lawyer Dina LaPolt at the end of 2015. “I sat the girls in a hotel conference room and for five hours educated them on trademarks, copyrights and rights of publicity,” says LaPolt, who soon helped secure them new management with the preeminent firm Maverick (Madonna, U2, Miley Cyrus). “Then I educated them about every agreement they signed, which [were] the worst I’ve ever seen in the music business.”

LaPolt successfully transferred the Fifth Harmony trademark from Cowell to the group, meaning the women now own the name, along with the right to control how it is used and to profit from any deals. (The agreement – signed in April 2016, months ahead of Cabello’s exit – doesn’t name Cabello in the “Fifth Harmony Partnership.” “I don’t represent Camila,” is all LaPolt will say.) She then renegotiated 5H’s contract with Epic, which she characterized as “a very adversarial” process.

LaPolt and 5H stress that the group’s relationship with Epic is now good. The women count among their “saviors” the label’s senior vp A&R Chris Anokute, who came onboard near the end of making 7/27. (Reid left Epic in May amid sexual-harassment allegations.) “We raised our voices,” says Hansen, “and to have someone in our corner like Chris, who believes in us, is the most important element to make the wheels go.”

Which allows 5H to meet the challenges of being Women of Pop in the late 20-teens. Rihanna, Katy Perry, Selena Gomez and Lorde have all shown how much artistry, agency and album-building matter. Basically, the band needs to pursue the authenticity Cabello secured by going it alone. The challenge is not only doing that in a group, but also while relying on familiar themes, like girl power, diversity, body positivity and inclusion.

Jauregui is the first to admit she was scared about 5H’s future without Cabello. “We’d put blood, sweat and tears – and birthdays and funerals we missed – into this thing,” she says. “It’s our livelihoods and our families.’ This is the train, and now you’re like, ‘Is the conductor going to come through with the coals, or are we left here to die?’ ”

Hernandez says there were “many therapy sessions.” Hansen, at least, quit worrying when they released their first press photo as a quartet and everyone, including Ellen DeGeneres, started editing themselves into the frame, “trying to recruit themselves into the squad.” Which raises the question: Have they considered bringing in a new member? They answer in unison: “Heeeell naaaw!”

Aşk/Love

I honour of Valentine’s Day coming up here’s a list of words and phrases related to love and romance.

Pet Names

  • Aşkım - My love
  • Canım - My life (can be used by friends and family as well)
  • Bi(r ) tanem - My only one
  • Hayatım - My life
  • Sevgilim - My darling
  • Balım - My honey
  • Yarim - My love (Similar to aşkım, but meaning a destined written in the stars kind of love)
  • Sultanım - My sultan  
  • Tatlım - My sweety (generally used for girls)
  • Güzelim - My beautiful (used for girls)
  • Çiçeğim - My flower (used for girls)
  • Gülüm - My rose (used for girls)
  • Meleğim - My angel (used for girls)

General Love Related Words

  • Sevgililer günü - Lovers’ Day (Valentine’s Day)
  • Evlenme teklifi - Marriage proposal
  • Nişanlı - Fiance 
  • Rüyalarımın erkeğisin/kadınısın - Man/Woman of my dreams 
  • İlk göz ağrım - First pain of my eye (can be used with first love or first child/grandchild)
  • Ciğerimin köşesi - Corner of my liver (term of endearment used with loved ones to relay they are precious)
  • Buluşma/Randevu -  Date
  • Nikah - Islamic marriage
  • Düğün -  Wedding
  • Sevgili - Boyfriend/Girlfriend
  • Manita - Girlfriend (slang, used for casual short-term relationships, can be offensive)
  • Öpmek -  To kiss
  • Öpücük - Kiss
  • Buse - Peck  
  • Sarılmak - To hug
  • Sarılma - Hug 
  • Kara sevda - Black love (meaning blind love or intense love)
  • Mecnun -  Insane/Obsessed/Possessed (meaning madly in love, reference to the character Majnun in the 11th century Arabian tale of Leyla and Majnun. Qays falls in love with Layla as a child but once they are grown he is forbidden from marrying her. Qays becomes obsessed with Layla hence gaining the nickname Majnun meaning possessed. If you call a man Mecnun it means he is head over heels in love with a girl and obsessed over her.)
  • Meftun - Strongly infatuated (poetic word, rarely used in regular speech)
  • Ruh eşi - Soulmate
  • Koca - Husband
  • Karı - Wife
  • Eş - Spouse 
  • Sevmek -  To love (to have deep affection for, not romantic in all cases)
  • Aşık olmak - To fall in love
  • Aşk/Sevda -  Love (romantic)
  • Sevgi - Love/Affection (usually used in the platonic sense) 
  • Gençlik/Çocukluk aşkı - Young/Childhood/Puppy love 

Questions

  • Benimle çıkar mısın? - Would you like to go out with me? 
  • Sevgililer gününü benimle geçirir misin? - Will you be my Valentine?
  • Benimle dans eder misin? - Would you like to dance with me?
  • Benimle evlenir misin? - Will you marry me?
  • Biraz daha kalabilir misin? - Can you stay a little longer?
  • Seni bir daha ne zaman göreceğim? - When will I see you next?
  • Sensiz ne yapardım? - What would I do without you?

Romantic Phrases

(Some of these phrases aren’t common, but when I saw them on the internet I thought they were cute and worth sharing.)

  • Seni seviyorum. - I love you.
  • Senden çok hoşlanıyorum. - I like you very much.
  • Seninle olmak istiyorum. - I want to be with you.
  • Seninle kalmak istiyorum. - I want to stay with you.
  • Seni çok özlüyorum. - I am missing you very much.
  • Seni görmek istiyorum. - I want to see you.
  • Çok güzelsin. - You are very beautiful.
  • Çok  yakışıklısın. - You are very handsome.
  • Sen benim herşeyimsin. - You are my everything.
  • Sen benim ilk ve son aşkımsın. - You are my first and last love.
  • Seni bütün kalbimle seviyorum. - I love you with all my heart. 
  • Seni her zaman düşünüyorum. - I think about you all the time.
  • Seni kelimelerin söylediğinden daha çok seviyorum. - I love you more than words can say. 
  • Sensiz hayatımın tadı olmaz. - Without you my life has no flavor/ sweetness/ pleasure.
  • Ellerini hiç bırakmazdım. - I’d never let go of your hands.
  • Tek ihtiyacım senin sevgin. -  All I need is your love.
  • Sensiz yaşayamam./Sensiz yapamam. -  I can’t live/do without you.
  • Sana aşık oldum. -  I fell in love with you.
  • Sana ihtiyacım var. -  I need you.
  • Seni her zaman seveceğim. -  I will always love you.
  • Aşkım gün geçtikçe büyüyor. -  My love gets stronger day by day.
  • Aşkımız ömür boyu sürecek. - Our love will last forever.
  • Hayat seninle harika.  -  Life is wonderful with you.
  • Uzak olmamıza rağmen hep kalbimdesin. - Even though we’re far away from each other, you’re always in my heart. 
  • İlk tanıştığımız gün benim kalbimi çaldın. - You stole my heart the first day we met. 
  • Seni gördüğüm an aşık oldum./ Seni görür görmez aşık oldum. - I fell in love the second I saw you 
  • Sen benim için çok şey ifade ediyorsun. - You mean so much to me. 
  • Sana olan aşkımı taşıyabilmek için yüz kalp yetmezdi. A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you. 
  • Sen benim güneşimsin, aşkım. You are my sunshine, my love. 
  • Biz birlikte olmak için yaratılmışız. We were meant to be together. 
Kim Junmyeon//Flammable

Summary: Junmyeon was your wild first love, the one that left you both in pieces when it burned out - and now he’s just walked in as part of the most important business deal of your career.
Scenario: honestly I’m not really sure what this is
Word Count: 2,697

A/N: So this is my very first collab ever and it’s with @universitykpop! So I created a moodboard and without discussing it, we both set to writing a fic based around it, and I’m really excited about it! Here is Mel’s!

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You Deserve More Than Me- Part 1

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary- You are King Stevens beloved little sister, who is hopelessly in love with his best friend High Duke James. The only problem is James refuses to see you when he gets home from battle.

Message- I promise tomorrow will be a chapter from one of my stories. Probably Chapter 3 of Fire and Ice. I just kinda got inspired to write this today, but I did work on a bunch of other chapters for my other fics to! Also, should I do a part 2 to this?

Word Count- 1580

“I am to be married.” Your brother Steve says as he sits down next to you.

“To who? I have not heard any news of you courting anyone. I thought you said you would never marry, not after what happened to Peggy?” You ask as you lean against your brother.

“Her name is Princess Natasha, its necessary, this union will end the war.” He whispers. “I-I don’t think Peg would mind. Do you?”

“No, no. She wouldn’t. She’s been gone for five years now. She would want you to move on, to be happy.” You say as you pull your older brother into a hug.

“She was the love of my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever move on from that.” He murmurs into your shoulder.

“Even if you do not love your wife, you can still be a kind and caring husband.” You say as you run your fingers through his hair.

“You are right, as always.” Your brother mumbles. “Now that the war is ending, Bucky will be returning home.” That makes you perk up a bit. It was no secret to your brother, that you held affections for his closest friend. “Perhaps the both of us will be married before the year is out.” Steve joked.

“Ha ha, you are hilarious, brother. We both know Bucky always saw me as a child.” You say.

“You have grown up in the years he has been gone, I am sure he will notice.” Steve says.

“Perhaps.” You murmur. “Read to me, I am too tired to do it myself and it will distract you from your impending wedding date.”

“What book?” Your brother asks as you snuggle into his side even more.

“I don’t care.” You murmur and your brother laughs as he grabs a book off the table. Then he starts to read the book and eventually you drift off to sleep.

***

To say that you hated your new sister-in-law was an understatement. She was cold, calculating and never gave a straight forward answer. She wouldn’t even speak to anyone- accept the guard she brought with her named Clint- unless she absolutely had to, and that included her new husband, your brother. She even demanded her own courters, which while done in many other countries was not something done her.

“Do you think I did something to insult her?” Your brother asks as he walks into the private family room.

“I don’t think so, I think that’s just what she is like.” You say.

“Do you, do you think that she and that guard of hers are involved?” Steve whispers so low you can barely hear.

“She would be stupid to do that, it is treason after all and it is grounds for divorce.” You say as you pull your brother into a hug.

“Bucky should be here in the next week. I got a letter from him, he was gravely injured in the last battle. That is what has taken him so long to come home.” Steve says to you.

“But he is okay now. Right?” You ask.

“They had to cut off his arm, because of an infection.” Steve murmurs and your legs buckle and your brother helps you sit down.

“Oh, but other than that he is okay, right? The infection is gone? The amputation worked?” you question.

“I believe so yes.” Steve says. “I need to go, are you okay to be alone for the moment?”

“Yes, I am fine.” You murmur and Steve leaves the room after giving you one more glance. You take a couple moments to collect yourself and then you leave the room, having a destination in mind. You find Clint sitting with Natasha. It is Natasha who notices you first.

“Princess Y/N, is there something you need from me?” Natasha asks.

“I need to speak with your guard, alone.” You say coolly. Clint and Natasha exchange confused looks before Clint rises from his chair.

“Of course, your highness.” Clint says as he follows you out of the room. “What is it that you need of me?” he asks after you lead him into the library.

“I need you to stop having relations with Princess Natasha. I understand that things are different where you come from, but here in this kingdom, fidelity is important. We are faithful to our spouses and I know that you are aware that sleeping with the wife of the King is treason. You are going to be killed if you continue to do this.” You sneer.

“Princess Natasha and I are not sleeping together. I would never allow her to do something that stupid and careless. You should stop spreading these harmful rumors.” Clint growls at you.  

“I am here because my brother has expressed concern of her infidelity. If she is faithful why did she demand her own chambers?” you question.

“Can you truly blame her for not wanting to share a bed with a stranger? I beg that you clear things up with the King. Princess Natasha is a lot of things, but she will remain faithful to your brother.” Clint says.

“I will let my brother know. Have a good day.” You say as you leave the room.

***

“Bucky, please let me in!” You cry into the door. “You have been home a week and I have not seen you yet. I have missed you these last several years.”

“Go away, Y/N. I do not wish to see you today.” Bucky says from behind the door.

“I know what you are doing. You are trying to push me away. But I will not let you. I am sure you remember from our youth how good I am at pestering you.” You say back.

“I would have thought that you had gotten over your childhood crush on me by now.” Bucky sneers.

“You are in pain, so I will choose to ignore that rude comment. I am going to bother you until you let me in.” You say as you sit down by the door.

“Go find yourself a proper husband!” Bucky barks though the door.

“If you are not worthy of me, who is? You are the kindest man I know, you care about my opinion, you have the highest rank outside of the royal family and you are the wealthiest citizen in our country.” You yell.

“I am not a man anymore, I am crippled. I only have one arm, how will I hold you, how will I dance with you? If you were ever to fall pregnant how would I hold the babe?” Bucky cries through the door.

“If I’m not mistaken the arm is not the appendage that makes you a man. As for those other things, we will figure those things out. I was never one to enjoy dancing anyway.” You say and you can hear Bucky laugh in between his sobs. “I have always loved you, you know. My earliest memory is of me toddling after you and Steve in the garden and then I fell and scrapped my knee and you kissed it better.”

“I could never stand to see you cry, I would move mountains to make you happy.” Bucky whispers.

“You do not need to move mountains, just open the door.” You murmur. Then you hear shuffling and the door starts to crack open. That’s when you see him, his hair is longer than it used to be, it is a little past his chin, his face is unshaven, but not enough for him to have a proper beard. “Bucky.” You whisper as you move to hug him. Then he pulls you into his chambers and the two of you sit on the sofa. You talk for hours. Catching up on what each of you missed in the other’s lives, both of you laugh and both of you cry. Bucky tells you about the horrors of war and you tell him about your new sister-in-law.

“Perhaps she is still on guard. We were her enemies not even two months ago. I know first impressions mean a lot to you but you need to give her time to adjust.” Bucky says as he holds your hand. The two of you fall into silence for a bit, but then Bucky murmurs.  “I would think about you a lot, while I was away. You were my happy place, I fell in love with the memories I had of you. I had every intention of coming back and demanding Steve allow me to have your hand in marriage. But then this happened” Bucky motions to where his arm used to be. “And I knew that you would never agree to marry me.”

“You truly think so little of me?” You ask.

“No, but you are a princess. You have a duty to your people, you need a strong man to be your husband.” Bucky says.

“You are the strongest man I’ve ever met.” You say as you grip is face. “I would be honored to be your wife. If you ever felt inclined to ask me.” Then Bucky takes a deep breath and turns his whole body to face you.

“If Steve gives us permission.” He starts.

“Steve will give us his permission.” You say as you roll your eyes.

“Don’t interrupt my proposal.” Bucky says as he laughs. “If Steve gives us his permission, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

“Yes.” You whisper before sharing a chaste kiss with Bucky.

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home is wherever i’m with you

requested by @aussie-mantle

summaryYou and Tom met a few months back while he was on vacation in your hometown, and he proposes the idea that he takes you back to see London to meet his family–a place you had always dreamed of visiting.

pairings: tom holland x reader

word count: 1.5k 

warnings: a lil swearing

a/n: a little blurb for you about meeting his family, getting a taste of his backstory, kinda seeing another side of him. i’m so sorry this took so long, i’ve been crazy busy!! i hope you like it, darling! xx 


“I have something for you, darling,” came Tom’s voice in front of you.

You looked up at him from the morning newspaper you were reading, sipping a cup of coffee. “What is it?”

“It’s an early Christmas present,” he admitted, placing a thin envelope on the table before you.

Picking it up with furrowed brows, you tore it open and slid the two pieces of paper from it. As your eyes read the words, excitement flooded your veins and you raised your eyes to look at him again, positively speechless.

“Do you like it?”

“Tom,” you managed to squeak out, doing everything you possibly could to keep yourself from jumping out of the chair and screaming, “are you serious?”

“Very,” he replied, taking the seat next to you and grinning. “I’ve already made the arrangements; all you have to do is pack.”

Keep reading

Black & White - Chapter 8

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Bad Boy AU // University AU // Fluff

Word Count: 5.4k words

Plot: Baekhyun is the typical heartthrob that always gets what he wants.. until you came along.

Black and White: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9 (M), Chapter 10 (M)

Your arms stretched above your head as you relaxed your muscles. Your eyes diminished in size, squinting to adjust itself to the glowing ray of sunlight that penetrated the glass windows placed on the walls on your room. A small smile played cheekily on your face.

It was early. Way too early for you too be indulging in a state of giddiness but you couldn’t help it. Not when the first thing that cracked your skull open and slipped into your groggy mind upon waking up was a replay of the events that happened the day before. The kiss you shared with Baekhyun was on loop and you couldn’t fight the urge of your lips that threatened to curve upwards. From his agonizingly wet and smooth lips to the manly scent your senses were rewarded with from every inhale, you willed yourself to calm down. How he still smelled so good despite having not showered yet baffled you. It wasn’t fair.

The moment you reluctantly pulled the snug and comfy blanket away from your body, a blast of cold air smacked itself against your skin. Floor tiles felt icy beneath your feet and you yawned. Today was going to be a long day.


Your head was slightly tilted back to a certain degree as you read the words imprinted on the piece of paper pinned to the centre of the notice board. The results of the class for one of your recent assignments had been put up and you studied it while humming silently to yourself.

From your peripheral vision, you saw a figure on your right leaning itself against the notice board. His jet black hair was pressed against the surface behind him and his head was facing the direction opposing yours. There was no need to flicker your eyes towards the figure to perceive his identity, that would have been deemed pointless. You already knew who it was.

His presence itself was unmistakeable. From the confident way he held himself to the distinct aura that surrounded him, it was impossible for you not to know. You could even feel stares behind you and you knew that if you turned, you would have been met by curious eyes. This was the kind of attention Baekhyun usually received, the gender percentage mostly girls. You had been seen multiple times in campus with him and people were presumably wondering when   and how the two of you had gotten close.

“We all know you got a good score already, so come on. Lets go grab some lunch, i’m hungry.”

You resisted the smile that tried to fight its way to your lips. He was beside you and you knew that if you inhaled breaths deep enough, you might just be able to catch his addictive scent once more. Instead, you pulled your gaze away from the thin paper and towards him instead.

“I can’t. I have a class starting soon,” you frowned. His expression changed to mirror yours, albeit marginally. It was just a minimal tick of his lips downwards but you still noticed it. “Which is a pity because lunch would have been my treat today.”

“What? You paying for my lunch?” he questioned, his face sporting an amused expression. “What’s the occasion?”

Baekhyun pushed himself away from the notice board and began sauntering away, following you to your desired destination.

“Just because.”


“Because?”

“Because I want to,” you grinned.

“Aww, I am eternally inconsolable. I can’t believe I’m going to have to miss the grand opportunity of you buying me lunch. Don’t talk to me. I’m sad.”

Small laughter escaped your lips as you listened to his words. He was being irresistibly cute at this moment without even meaning to. Cute may not be an adequate adjective for him and you were sure that if you had not known him personally and you were observing him from afar, you would be nervous. He exhibited a very attractive and alluring look with his charcoal mop of hair, penetrating eyes and intimidating resting face. However, you had met him and you had gotten to know him and you knew what he was like. You listened to his words and you decided cute was the perfect adjective for how he was right now.

“What about dinner? Oh! There’s this new restaurant that just opened and I heard it’s really good. Lets eat there,” you beamed.

“Really?” he chuckled. “Alright. Lets go tonight then. Will you pay?”

“Sure,” you shrugged.

“I’m just joking,” he chuckled. “I’d never ask you to pay for me, you silly girl.”

“But I want to,” you whined softly.

“Nope. Now stop looking so cute, you’re really making me want to hug you in front of everyone.”

Your heart skipped a beat. He was being ruthless with his words, throwing them at you without even the least bit considerate of how it made your insides scream and squeal and shout all at the same time.


“I’ll hug you if you let me pay for your dinner.”

“That isn’t fair,” he groaned. “Either way, my answer is no.”

Now it was your turn to groan. Baekhyun really almost usually has his way most of the time. Your efforts to change his mind remained in vain.

“Don’t look so sad,” he laughed. “You’re actually making me feel guilty for not wanting you to pay.”


“Good. You should be,” you mumbled.

You arrived outside the lecture hall. The hallway you were both in was nearly empty, only one or two students dotting its path at the other end. It was understandable since you were early by ten minutes.

“Well, i’m already here. You go and have fun eating lunch all by yourse—“

Your words were cut short when his lips came into contact with your cheek, planting a chaste kiss in its wake.

You were done. You were done fighting the smile that had threatened to find its way towards your lips so you gave up and you let it happen. Baekhyun leaned back and looked down at you, a satisfied smirk displayed on his handsome countenance.

“There,” he piped. “Much better.”


The two doors of your wardrobe opened, exhibiting all your pieces of fabric ranging from blouses to jeans to shorts and to dresses in a variety of colours.  After more than half an hour of debating with So Hee over which outfit would be satisfactory for tonight’s dinner, you ended up choosing a snowbound white top tucked into a pastel pink skirt that stopped marginally below your mid thigh. Pairing it with white knee-high socks and a beige cardigan, you swore you could still feel the ringing of your ears as an effect of So Hee screaming things along the words of “YES, THAT IS PERFECT!” into the speaker of her phone whilst you both were face timing. You were the only one to blame for leaving such a close proximity between your ears and the device that was cradled in your hand.

You climbed into Baekhyun’s car and flashed him a grin to which he returned, his one being more boyish and handsome that it made your mind go haywire.

“Alright, you’re throwing me the directions, kitten,” he started. “I’ll be driving the princess.”

He winked at you and it made you giggle. Curse him for being so charming. Google eased your process of finding the location of the desired destination and before you knew it, you both had arrived. The place was packed with people but to your fortunate luck, a couple was just finishing up so it was merely a curtailed wait for you to land a table. Despite the crowd of people dotting up the restaurant sporadically, the noise level wasn’t too loud neither was it too soft. The tables were draped with cream white cloth and the eclectic decor simply enhanced the overall look. Glass windows lined the walls and the ambience was just appropriate.

It didn’t take long before your mind was set on what to order so while Baekhyun was flipping through the menu, you pounced on the opportunity to study his appearance for the night. He was dressed in a button up shirt and jeans with oxford shoes. They were all black, the typical color associated with him that you don’t think you would ever get tired of seeing. The combination of his outfit was simple but when you paired it with Byun Baekhyun, it would instantaneously become lethal.

How lucky of you to be blessed with such a breathtaking view. Baekhyun underneath the high ceiling lights with his flawlessly tousled hair and ridiculously handsome face strayed far from the usual bad boy image he put on yet he still pulled it off. The subtle glances and stared from other girls thrown his way were solid evidence of that.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard his voice calling out to you. He was staring straight at you with his piercing eyes that had grown friendlier to yours as time had passed.

“I said, do you want to order now? I’ve chosen my meal already,” he informed you.

“Y-yeah, sure,” you stuttered in reply.

“What’s the matter? Do I look that good that you can’t keep your eyes off me?” he joked with a smirk plastered on his face.

You pinked under his gaze upon realizing that you had been caught staring. A small and deep laugh emitted from the man seated in front of you.

“I’m just messing with you,” he chuckled. “Cute.”

As soon as the waiter arrived at your table and pulled you away from your short-lived misery, you and Baekhyun placed your orders. Baekhyun settled with small talk as you both waited for the food to arrive. You felt at ease like this. There was no need for you to exert effort into keeping a conversation going with him, it had its own natural flow of coherency.

“Oh finally,” he addressed the moment the food came. “I’m ravenous.”

You chuckled at his behavior before looking down at the plate of pasta laid before you. The aroma that met your nose was mouthwatering and you hoped it tasted as great as it looked. However, with your first bite, you weren’t the least bit disappointed. You weren’t the only one enjoying your food, it seemed. Baekhyun groaned in satisfaction upon the first scoop of his meal entering his mouth.

“That good, huh?” you quipped.

“Yes. Hell yes. This is amazing,” he admitted. “You did a good job choosing this place. I knew there was a reason I like you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat.

He liked you? Sure, you noticed that his actions towards you were more than platonic and they certainly weren’t what normal friends usually did with each other. Friends don’t make your heart race and they definitely don’t kiss each other. But he never addressed the situation before this and you did not want to get your hopes up.

Judging by how he wasn’t the least bit affected by the final words he had spoken and how he continued going about without any signs of hesitancy, you presumed it wasn’t just a slip of the tongue. You pushed whatever thoughts out of your mind and resumed eating your meal. You did it fairly well because just minutes later, you were indulging in conversation with him once again with no trace of the previous thoughts contaminating your mind.

“Why do you move your garlic to the side?” you inquired his odd actions as you stared at the cubes of garlic placed messily near the egde of his plate.

“I don’t like raw garlic,” he stated.

“Really?” you questioned, eyes widening just a fraction in shock. “Give them to me! I love raw garlic.”

“You what? You love them?” he replied. “You are horrific.”’

“You not knowing the art of appreciating raw garlic does not equate to me being horrific.”

“But anyone and everyone who likes raw garlic are.”


“Hey!” you whined.

“I’m just kidding,” he clarified. “Everyone but you, baby. You’re special.”

Dinner with Baekhyun was refreshing. You both spoke a lot and you continued to learn more things about each other. He shared funny stories of him and his friends that had you clutching your stomach at some point while you told him about how your old friends were like. For dessert, you and Baekhyun settled on sharing a slice of strawberry cheesecake.

The cake was presented exquisitely on a slate grey ceramic plate. A plump strawberry was planted tastefully on it and sauce was smeared in a curve on the surface of the plate. As you and Baekhyun began digging in, it was clear to you that the restaurant did not only specialize in appetizers. Their desserts were on par as well.

“You eat the strawberry,” Baekhyun insisted.

“It’s alright. I’m already full, but thank you,” you denied. To be honest, you still had room available in your stomach for more but you decided against it. Baekhyun had once told you about his profound love for strawberries and you wanted him to have it.

“Really?”

You nodded your head in reply and smiled when you watched his face scrunch up in delight after holding the fruit captive in his mouth. The waiter came with the bill and when you once again offered to pay, he turned it down.

“That’s not fair,” you pouted. “At least let me pay for what I ordered.”

“I’m afraid I can’t let you do that.”

“What about the cheesecake then?”

“No can do,” he grinned.

You accepted your defeat because the man really left no room for arguments. It made you feel horrible that he was paying, even though he reassured you multiple times that you completely should not feel that way at all.

“Thank you, Baek,” you spoke as you both left the restaurant. Your genuine words were directed at your companion for the night, hoping he could hear or feel the pure sincerity behind them.

He hummed lightly in reply, a small smile playing on his red lips. The heels of your shoes padded against the rough stone pavement as you both walked to his car. However, just as you were nearing the vehicle, his movements came to a halt.

“Let’s go for a walk near the river,” Baekhyun piped up.

You looked ahead of you and spotted the Han River metres away.

“You wanna cross the bridge?”

“Sure, at the walkway so we can walk off what we just ate,” he shrugged.

You nodded in agreement, eager to spend more time with your company because you didn’t want it to end just yet. The night was still alive in Seoul and the city lights shined lustrously in the sky, lighting up the caliginous view. It was a bustling day and a myriad of shiny vehicles lined the tar roads of the wide bridge. The wintry wind was blowing against you but you tried your best to ignore it. Your hair was floating all over the place and you ran your fingers through your locks to fix it. Mini clouds of white air formed with every huff of your breath and your fingers were beginning to turn numb. It generally wasn’t much of a cold night —tolerable really— but the chill of the weather seemed to amplify the longer you stayed. You didn’t relent, though. You were enjoying the night way too much to offer a twinge of your care.

No words were exchanged but you didn’t mind. The silence was comforting as it floated in the air overhead like an invisible cloud before the wind blew it away from the two of you. When the highest point of the bridge was reached — which also was the midpoint — you stopped walking. You leaned against the railing instead, absorbing the picturesque scenery sprawled before you.

Baekhyun was beside you and you tilted your head to look at him. He was staring out at the river so you were greeted with his side profile. You didn’t mind, considering the fact that he looked good in any angle. The breeze was whisking his hair back as well, revealing the smooth skin of his forehead. The pillows of his lips jutted out naturally against the moon, a stark contrast created. You turned your head away and looked at the vast body of salt water instead. An endless pit of black that stretched across for miles on end with ripples that formed underneath the moonlight. You could see everything. Skyscrapers and buildings stood high and tall as they plunged into the sky, yet the monstrous distance that separated you from the structures made them look small and diminutive. Twinkles and gleams of light emanating from the many objects of the city illuminated the scenery, giving it a radiant yet tenebrous view.

“I’m scared of the river,” you disclosed, body leaning on the cool metal railing.

“Really? Why?” he inquired, eyes still facing the outstretched river.

“I have a fear of open water. Don’t you think it’s terrifying?”

You glanced at him to see him shaking his head in a way that encouraged you to go on and continue speaking.

“It’s a constant murkiness at night when the sun isn’t there to shine any light for it. It’s so ambiguous and vague, you’re never certain what lies in the deeper and undiscovered parts of the ocean. I can’t imagine being stranded on a boat in the middle of the ocean. I’d be stuck somewhere massive with so much space around me yet I’d still feel like I’d suffocating.”

From your peripheral vision, you could spot Baekhyun nodding his head to your words. Though he was silent, you knew he offered you his ears and attention which was more than you could ask for. Having someone to listen was already enough.

“I like the ocean,” he opined. “I like it’s equivocation. Everything seems less like a handful when you don’t know what it has to offer. It’s like ignorance, but ignorance is bliss.”

A small laugh released from your body, reverberating from your throat and swept away by the waves of the river.

“My mom used to say I was quite a handful when I was a child,” you quipped.

“That’s why I have two hands for.”

Your bottom lip was forced between your teeth as you willed yourself to hold back the smile demanding to form on your countenance. It was soon erased when a brisk gust of air was exulted against you, the cold that impaled you to the very marrow of your bones sending shivers down your spine. Before you knew it, you felt a compact and firm body behind you, pressed against yours. Baekhyun’s form radiated heat to you, as if he was donating a portion of his warmth for you to drown in. His arms were on either side of your body before he brought it up to capture your hands in his. Long fingers slipping through the crevices between yours as they intertwined with each other. He brought your right hand to the front of his face languidly, your arms folded back to him as you craned your neck to watch him exhale a hot breath of air onto your skin. You could feel the movement of his chest as he did so, repeating it with your left hand and distributing heat to you.

His actions produced a severe fuzziness that was blooming inside of you. It made your heart race and skip a beat at the same time, too unstable to settle for a constant tempo. It catalyzed the movement of the butterflies in your stomach, the flapping of their wings accelerating. He was holding you underneath the moonlight of the city and like this, you think you may have just discovered a new level of comfort. Here, in his arms, you felt serene and peaceful.

“I’m sorry I didn’t bring a jacket for you today,” he spoke into your ear, breath fanning your skin.

“You’re already enough. You make a great heater,” you hummed.

A low laugh resounded from his chest, making you smile. There was a silent pause before he began speaking again.

“I like you. I really like you. I never thought I’d ever like someone, hell I even used to make fun of the boys for being so fucking mushy with their feelings whenever they had a girlfriend. But I don’t think I can keep it in me any longer, I genuinely like you.”

Your lips had widened into a full-blown smile now, stretched to the corners like a giddy child. You were grateful he couldn’t see your face clearly from behind because the crimson redness tinting your cheeks might just be visible in the dark. Turning your body around, you didn’t expect your heads to be so close to each other. Faces centimeters apart, you welcomed his manly scent and cologne you had longed to smell again.

You looked into his brown eyes that were already staring at you. Leaning your heads closer towards each other, time truly felt like it had slowed down before your lips finally touched. The noise and cacophony surrounding you was blocked out and the low temperature forgotten, your mind only focusing on the man you were breathing in. He released your hands so he could wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you closer into him. You raised your arms and slung them around his neck, bringing his head closer to yours while your fingers played with the ends of his soft hair. The kiss was slow and passionate, your lips moved against each other like fluid. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss while his right hand was raised to cup the side of your face, thumb rubbing your cheek soothingly. He slipped his tongue into your cavern and you allowed him to take charge of the kiss. You giggled into the kiss before pulling away hesitantly, your need to replenish your breathlessness becoming too overpowering. Your foreheads rested against each other as you stared into each others eyes, chests raising up and down in pants.

“I like you too,” you whispered.

He flashed you a grin. A wide one that showcased his rectangular smile and made him look irresistibly adorable that you couldn’t help but dart in and peck his lips for another kiss.

“I really do,” you added.

“Be my girlfriend then.”

You chuckled, biting your lip as he waited for your response.

“I’d love to.”

“Good. I’m gonna get so much teasing from the boys for this,” he reckoned. “But ugh, so worth it.”


He pecked you on the lips once again, making you smile for the thousandth time that night.


“Can we watch a movie tonight?” you asked Baekhyun whilst you both waited for the professor to arrive. Your arms were perched on the table, folded with your head tilted to face Baekhyun as you rested on it as if it were a pillow.

He raised his fingers to pinch at your cheeks lightly and no one seemed to notice as everyone was engrossed in their own mindless chatter. He was smiling at you with adoration. You sat next to the window and his body was turned to yours with his back facing everyone else. You knew that he only showed this affectionate side of him to you and you only.

“What movie are you thinking about?” he inquired.

“La La Land.”


“I heard the movie sucks.”

“It got an 8.2 rating on IMDB!” you mumbled, your voice laced with fake hurt. You raised your head from the pillow you had created with your arms and ran your fingers through your messy hair to fix it.

“You actually checked the ratings? Nerd,” Baekhyun snorted.

You grumbled and rolled your eyes at him playfully. He laughed and rubbed your cheek with the back of his hand.

“I’m just kidding, baby. You’re my nerd.”

You giggled and grinned at him.

“So can we watch it?”



“Of course.”



“Good, because I already bought the tickets”

“You did? What if I said no to watching a movie with you?” he laughed. “Wow, you must be very adamant on your decision of paying me back, huh.”


“I bought it because I knew you would agree.” You flashed him a cheeky smile. “And it’s not that. I did it because I wanted to spend time with you,” you told him. “And also because I wanted to treat you.”

You smiled and he cooed.

“What a cutie.”

“You’re awfully charming with your words. Are you sure you’ve never had a girlfriend before?”


He laughed. “I’m sure. I really have never dated before. I just know how to treat the people I care about well.”

“Aww.”


He smiled at you. “So what time is the movie?”

“It’s at seven.”

“I’ll come to your house at six thirty?”

You nodded your head. Baekhyun picked you up that evening. A red beanie adorned his head and it made him look extremely adorable. You both waited in line at the food counter while contemplating what to order.

“I’ll probably get a regular popcorn and coke,” you informed.

“Hmm, I think I’ll be having the same as well.”

“Why not we just share then?” you offered.

“Trust me, I eat a lot of popcorn. I might finish it before you even get a mouthful.”

“Then we can get extra large,” you grinned. “There’s a combo for that.”


Baekhyun ordered for the two of you and he took out his wallet to pay for the two of you. As you both waited for them to prepare the food, you stared at your boyfriend. You really liked how he looked when he dressed comfortably. He pulled anything off, in your opinion.

“You look really cute today,” you complimented him.

“Me? Cute?” he turned to you.

“Mmmhm,” you nodded.

He chuckled. “I’m not cute, baby. You’re cute.”


“Thank you, but you are cute though. You look adorable in your beanie,” you giggled.

He darted a quick peck on your lips before speaking.

“I’m not cute. I’m handsome,” he stated, eyebrows wiggling in a playful manner.

You laughed and hit him on the chest lightly. When the food was ready, you both walked into the theatre room and searched for your seats. You had managed to land good seats even though the movie was quite a popular one and before you knew it, the theatre was packed with people. It was a full house.

You and Baekhyun had been fairly touchy during the movie. The moment the lights dimmed and the theme music resounded throughout the room, your boyfriend had already began munching on the popcorn. The arm rest between the two of you was raised to create more room for you to rest against him and to diminish the space between you both. The side of your body was pressed next to his and he rested his left hand on your thigh, fingers drumming against it.

Halfway throughout the movie, you leaned your head on his shoulder and you felt him plant a kiss on the top of your head. He had resorted to feeding you then, bits of popcorn he would push into your mouth for you to eat and the bottle of iced beverage he would raise to your lips for you to sip on.

“Good girl,” he whispered into your ear when you finished the last few pieces of popcorn.

You tilted your head so you could plant a kiss on his shoulder before returning to the movie. After it ended, you and Baekhyun left the hall.

“Why do you bring the trash out with you?” he inquired as you threw the box you had used in the theatre into a trash can outside. “You knew they do that for you right?”


“I know. I just wanted to help them,” you shrugged. “How was the movie? It was good, right?”

“Hmm, it was alright,” he responded, but you knew better. You could see how he was trying to hold back a smile and you knew it was because he genuinely enjoyed it. You could tell by his how engrossed he was into the film during the times when he wasn’t doting on you or slipping food into your mouth.

“Don’t lie, come on! I know you liked it.”


“Alright, alright. It was better than I expected, okay?”

You nodded your head in agreement, deeming his response good enough.

“Told you,” you muttered, your tone laced with satisfaction.

“I’m surprised you didn’t fall asleep in the theatre just now, since you enjoy sleeping so much. You were leaning against my arm like a kitten, though I have to say my arm is numb now,” he joked.

“Hey!” you whined, your hand swatting his chest.

“I’m kidding,” he apologized, his hand grabbing the one you used to assault his chest playfully and raising it up so his lips could plant a soft kiss on your skin.

“This is what I get when I treat you out for a movie,” you mumbled. “I’m never buying you tickets again.”

He laughed. “I’ll just buy them for us then.”

“As long as it’s not a horror movie.”


“Why? Are you afraid of them?”


“Yes.”

“We should watch it one day. Horror movies are awesome, come on.”


“No way. I won’t be able to sleep for a week.”

“Hmm, one day.”


“One day what?”


“One day I’ll get you to watch a horror movie with me,” he spoke, a naughty grin etched on his face.

“And how will you do that?”

Once you both reached Baekhyun’s car, neither of you got in as you both decided to finish the last of your drink then and there first and dump the paper cup into the trashcan next to the headlights. You were seated on the hood of his car while he stood in between your legs.


“I’m Byun Baekhyun, I can do anything.”


You laughed at his confidence. “Coming from the person who handed a 100 dollar bill to the cashier when the amount was only 10.”


“That was one time! And it happened a long time ago. And I wasn’t thinking straight then. And I’m still awesome.”


“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, loser.”

Out of the blue, he began tickling your sides. His fingers were not relenting one bit and it made you burst out into a fit of giggles.

“Say that again,” he joked. “I dare you.”

You couldn’t contain it. He was mercilessly tickling you and you were begging for him to stop, the drink almost slipping from your hands.

“I’m sorry, i’m sorry! You’re awesome, baby.”


His actions finally came to a halt and you sighed in relief, gasping for air after being out of breath from all the tickling. He laughed.

“Yes. Good girl,” he praised.

His arms were planted on the hood of the car on either side of you and he leaned his head in before capturing your lips with his. You smiled into the kiss and reciprocated his actions with just as much fervor. Your lips moved against each other swiftly, softly. Baekhyun broke the kiss, leaning back slightly to finish the last of the beverage you held in your hands before kissing you once again. When your lips were spread apart, you felt the fluid transfer from his mouth to yours. The contrast between the cold drink and the heat of the kiss made you moan. Coke tasted so much better when they came from his lips.

It dawned on you that it was becoming way too sensual and that the both of you were still in public, even though the street you were both at was empty. You broke the kiss regrettably and he licked the moisture off your lips with his tongue before planting a firm kiss on your forehead. His lips felt cold against your skin.

“Let’s get going. It’s getting late,” he announced.

You nodded your head and stood up. He took the empty paper cup from you to dispose it into the nearest trashcan before he unlocked the vehicle, ready to drive the two of you home. The two of you continued your playful banter in the car while your boyfriend drove, one hand on the steering well. The other holding yours.

goodbye, stiles stilinski || stiles stilinski

author: @sincerelystiles 
pairing: stiles x reader 
word count: 2,168

authors note: this is the first time i wrote for stiles in months and oh my god i missed it. this is set a little while after teen wolf ended and there is a small time jump too. also, big thanks to @heyitskatrina for proof reading and giving me some amazing feedback!!

summary: with times moving ahead of them, it’s time for stiles to say goodbye to his past and open the doors of his future. 


Keep reading

Silent (Soulmate!Thomas Jefferson - Part Two)

Originally posted by youforfeitallrights

A/N: Tags haven’t been working, just a heads up. 

Well I got quite a few requests for it, so here is a part two to the Thomas Jefferson Soulmate AU I posted earlier this week. I apologize for it taking so long, but I had some other things I had to finish first. Thank you to everyone who liked/reblogged part one and everyone who requested a part two. This isn’t my best, I know. I’m sorry, but I hope it’s okay.

Again, starts with James Madison’s point of view and shifts to Thomas. I don’t think there’s any warnings necessary for this. It does deal with the topic of mutism, but that is not something that is being debated in any way. It’s just a piece of the characters’ background.

Part One    Masterlist

There are three facts about Thomas Jefferson of which James Madison is absolutely certain: 1) Thomas Jefferson had a soulmate. 2) Thomas Jefferson was the only person alive who could rival Alexander Hamilton’s ability to stick his foot in his mouth. 3) The look on Thomas’s face right now was not that of a man who didn’t want a soulmate.

Thomas was sat on a bench outside in the foyer when James found him. His elbows were on his knees, and his head was in his hands. He looked…lost, or as close to lost as a Jefferson could get. He wasn’t crying; there was no shaking in his shoulders for that to be the case. He was, however, mumbling to himself, something he only did when he was truly overwhelmed.

James couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his friend in a state like this. Nothing ever rattled Thomas. At most, things got under his skin, but in those situations he had a habit of attacking the problem head on. He didn’t dwell on anything; he faced it. Look at Alexander Hamilton. The poor young man hadn’t even made it ten minutes into a conversation with Thomas before the two had launched into a full blown battle.

This man on the bench was a side of Thomas James did not think existed, or at the very least would not be seen in public. He didn’t know whether to comfort him or try to talk sense into him. Whichever one he chose would surely be the wrong answer. Undoubtedly, the right answer was to let Thomas sit there wallowing in his self-pity for an age until the man finally decided what to do for himself. That wasn’t an idea James could handle, though. James had a sneaking suspicion that Thomas would brood the same way Thomas did all things, in excess. James didn’t like seeing his friend suffering, even if there were a number of people in the other room who felt he deserved it, even if James felt he deserved it sometimes.

James sat down in the open seat beside Thomas with a hefty sigh. That was another fact he could add to his list: Thomas never made things easy. “It could be worse.”

“How could it be worse?” Thomas spat, disapproving of James’s nonchalant tone.

“Well, I ran across a young girl back home who met her soulmate when she was quite young. His first words to her, at the age of five, were, ‘You have a booger hanging out your nose’.” Humor probably wouldn’t help the situation, but it couldn’t hurt either.

James didn’t need to see Thomas’s face to know he was rolling his eyes. “Oh yes, it is so much worse to have a crude, inadvertent observation of a child plastered as your soulmate words than it is to have the incredibly cruel and offensive words of a grown man implying he’s disgusted with you.”

“You aren’t though,” James pointed out, “disgusted with her. It was a moment of anger.” James paused for a moment as a thought occurred to him. “Y-You…” He hesitated to ask, “You aren’t disgusted with her, correct?”

“Of course not!” Thomas growled out.

The silence hung in the air for a long beat, and neither of the men really understood why nor did they make an effort to. Not even the sound of dinner being served in the banquet hall interrupted the moment that had settled over the pair of friends. There was so much to talk about and yet so little to say.

“I have a soulmate,” Thomas broke the silence with a quiet murmur, so quiet James wasn’t sure he was meant to hear it.

“So I’ve heard,” James slumped back against the wall. “Who’d have ever thought?” His tone was teasing, but there was an air of finality to it. In all honesty, no one had ever thought Thomas would have a soulmate, and not just because he didn’t have words on his arms.

Thomas snorted dismissively and finally pulled his face from his hands, glancing back over his shoulder at James. “James, I have gone my entire life knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would live and die alone.”

James leaned forward, elbows on his knees, sinking down to Thomas’s hunched frame. Now wasn’t the time for teasing. Now wasn’t the time for coddling. Now was the time to be honest with his friend, for his own good. “I can’t pretend I understand your pain, because I don’t. Not just because I’ve always known I would find my soulmate, but because I don’t understand how you could be upset with this. You’ve just found your other half. You’ve found a part of you that you never knew existed. You should be jumping for joy, shouting from the rooftops, not sulking angrily in a corner. You don’t have to live alone anymore, Thomas, but you still might.”

Thomas said nothing for a long moment, and James shook his head in disappointment. No one could get through to Thomas if he wasn’t open to listen. He heaved himself to his feet and prepared to head back to the banquet.

“I-I’m not angry.” Thomas quietly refuted, giving James pause. “I’m just… confused.”

James sighed and turned back to the bench, looking down at Thomas, who was looking back at him with burning eyes. “You’re confused?” James didn’t intend to sound so disbelieving. “Thomas, imagine how she must feel. You heard Mrs. Washington as well as I did. She’s spent her entire life thinking you hate her, thinking her soulmate hates her. Even her one true love, the one person in the universe she’s destined to be with, is disgusted by her.” James paused for a moment, hoping that would sink in.

Thomas didn’t respond, but his eyes went down to his arm, the space where the words should be. His thumb rubbed over the blank skin, stretching it over the muscle beneath. It was as blank but somehow felt far less empty.

“James,” Thomas shook his head and looked up, “I…” His voice trailed off when he realized James was gone, leaving him alone to his thoughts.

With a huff, Thomas’s head fell back. This situation went against everything Thomas had come to know. Thomas had always spoken out against soulmates. He wrote about, argued against the very concept of them. He’d debated the topic with Alexander Hamilton earlier that night even. As far as he’d been concerned soulmates weren’t a gift from the universe, they were a rope, more specifically a noose. At least, that’s what he’d always thought. Then again, he’d never known he had one to begin with. He didn’t know what to think anymore.

His entire life he’d thought he was alone. Yesterday, he’d thought he was alone. A few hours ago, he’d thought he was alone. Standing on the Washington’s front lawn, he’d thought he was alone. And now? He felt more alone than ever.

(Y/n) had ran from him the moment she knew who he was. Not the moment she knew he was Thomas Jefferson, Secretary of State. She ran when she knew he was her soulmate.

Martha Washington’s voice was yelling at Thomas in the back of his mind, ‘Ashamed of who she is, knowing you’re ashamed of it too!’ Of course she’d run from him. She thought he was ashamed of her. ‘Decades of hating herself.’ His words had made her ashamed of herself.

Only Thomas wasn’t ashamed. Ashamed of his own behavior maybe, but not her… never her. He’d only known of her existence for an hour. He only really knew her name, but he already felt drawn to her. ‘You must be her soulmate,’He could  practically hear George telling him.

Yes, she was his soulmate.

Thomas pushed himself to his feet with a sense of determination. Likely, (Y/n) had already left. He would have to find where you were staying to give his apologies. The Washington’s would know where she was staying. He knew Martha would sooner chew his head off than give him that information. George might be talked into it though. It was certainly worth a try.

“Decided to go after her, I see?”

Thomas nearly jumped. James was standing across from him, coming down the stairs at the other end of the foyer, a thin box tucked tightly under his arm. Thomas had been so wrapped up in his head that he hadn’t realized James had gone upstairs. He thought he’d gone back to the banquet. “Well, as you have so eloquently pointed out, I don’t have to live alone, but there’s a good chance my harsh tongue will ensure I do anyway.” Thomas snapped in a harsher tone than he intended.

“I’m glad you’ve seen the error of your ways,” James was practically smirking as he crossed over to Thomas. “Here, I borrowed this from George’s study.” He extended the box to Thomas.

Thomas accepted with a curious look, “What’s this for?”

“Well, she’s mute, Thomas.” James stated plainly. Thomas’s answering expression showed he wasn’t catching on, so James explained. “Writing materials, Thomas, honestly I thought you were the smart one. She’s mute. She uses sign language, and last time I checked you don’t.” James tapped the top of the box. “If you want her to talk to you, you’ll need her to write it down.”

“She’s still here?” Thomas hated how hopeful he sounded. If everything worked out well, James was never going to let him hear the end of it.

James nodded, smirk still firmly in place with no sign of faltering. “Saw her out the window of George’s study. She’s sitting on the steps on the back porch.”

James turned, leaving his friend to do with as he may, but Thomas caught James by the arm for a moment. “Thank you, James. Thank you.”

“Anytime, my friend.” He smiled. “Now, go. Don’t leave the poor girl waiting.”

Thomas nodded his affirmation and walked briskly down the hall without another word. There wasn’t time for words now. Thomas had a more pressing matter at hand. He’d, no doubt, discuss the situation with James again later.  

When Thomas stepped out back, (Y/n) was sat on the steps just outside, exactly where James said she would be. She was sitting on the middle of the five steps, her feet up laying across the length of the step.  Her hair was partially concealing her face as she stared out across the field. Clearly, she hadn’t expected anyone to come looking for her.

Thomas approached quietly, but not quietly enough as the boards creaked under his shoes.

(Y/n) turned and caught him halfway to the stairs. Her eyes were shining, but there were no signs she’d been crying, which relieved Thomas slightly. She caught her lip between her teeth for a second, clearly pondering, before she turned her gaze back to the field.

Thomas took it as a good sign that she hadn’t run, or spat at his feet, or tried to slap him, or any number of other offenses he probably deserved. She looked like she’d been thinking about it for a second before she thought better of it. He’d take it though. It was a step in the right direction, a step he hadn’t earned yet.

With a small degree of hesitation, bordering on nerves, Thomas lowered himself to sit opposite (Y/n) on the top step. It was a rather uncomfortable position. He didn’t completely fit on the step, and his knees were at an odd angle. However, it seemed to catch (Y/n)’s attention which was a start. Setting the writing material on the step between them, Thomas leaned his head back against the edge of the stairs to look at the stars.

If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend he was back at Monticello, almost. There was a smell of grass in the air, but it was too faint. The breeze felt nice against his skin, but it was too cold. The stars were bright, but they were in the wrong position. Everything was just a little off, and yet for some strange reason it still felt right. He knew the reason; it was just hard to admit.

“I always wondered what it would be like to have a soulmate,” Thomas confessed softly, trying not to break the quiet, “to know that one day you will find the one, to know there is someone out there who is destined for you and only you. I always envied them, knowing there was someone out there to love them.” His voice sounded almost tired.

In truth, Thomas was tired. He was so tired. Tired of arguing his every breath, tired of monitoring his every word, tired of fixing other’s messes. He wanted a break from working, from thinking, from listening. He needed a break. He needed something, someone, to lighten the load.

“I never told anyone that, of course, not even James.” Thomas continued, “How could I? I could never admit such a thing aloud; I could barely admit it to myself: that I wanted something they had and I knew I never could.”

Thomas sighed. There was no good way to explain himself. Words were failing him, abandoning him. What was there to say? Nothing would take back the things he’d said. Nothing would remove those words off her arm. Nothing would ever show how truly sorry he was for every pain he had put her through.

A small pressure settled on Thomas’s bent knee, and he nearly lurched. (Y/n) was looking him over thoughtfully, a hand settled on his leg. He couldn’t be sure if she was trying to comfort him or wanted his attention. Either was a good sign. She didn’t look like she wanted to run anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Thomas met her gaze head on. The sooner he said this the better. “In a fit of anger, I took it out on you. I had no idea it would mark you for life. You have to know I never would have if I’d known. Those words, they were just words. I meant nothing by them.”

(Y/n) raised a hand halfway in the air and then hesitated. She looked around in frustration and back towards the house. Lowering both her hands, she huffed out and looked down at her lap.

“Oh!” Thomas realized as (Y/n) stared down at her hands, upset. Picking up the box, he held it out to her. “Writing papers,” he explained.

(Y/n) nodded somberly and took the box gently from his hands. Thomas looked away as she set things out. There was something so vulnerable about her expression in that moment, and he felt wrong looking on.

Thomas imagined he would feel vulnerable as well. The frustration when she raised her hand showed that, wanting to communicate but being so dependent on others for your words. He was such a vocal man; he couldn’t imagine dealing with something like that. Thomas had to admit; he admired her for it.

Thomas felt a tap against the side of his leg and turned his eyes back to (Y/n). She’d turned the paper around between the two of them Blank ink in an elegant hand scrolled across the top of the page. ‘I appreciate your apology, but they were more than just words to me.’

“I’m sure,” Thomas conceded, looking up from the paper. “You have every right to think of them as such. They… I have caused you a great amount of pain. You have every right to every ill will you harbor towards me. I have earned them all. I just want you to know I said them with no malice directed toward you. My argument with Alexander Hamilton had me on edge, and in a heated moment I said something I did not mean.”

(Y/n) pursed her lips and turned the page around, writing hastily beneath her earlier words. ‘Yes, I’ve met Secretary Hamilton. He’s quite an infuriating character.’

Thomas barked out a laugh. “That is quite true. He simply cannot fathom the idea a person might disagree with him.”

(Y/n) bit back a smirk and continued filling the page. It was a tediously slow conversation as (Y/n) wrote, but Thomas was patient enough to wait for her replies. He didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with meaningless words, and it seemed to be relaxing (Y/n).

When she turned the page around again, she’d written near a paragraph. ‘I won’t falsely accept your apology, Secretary Jefferson. That would be rude to both of us. However, I do acknowledge that there were extenuating circumstances on your part. Please understand that I have been living with this offense on my arm my entire life, and it will not miraculously disappear after tonight. Knowing the situation does help, but it will not change that fact. I will do what I can to set aside that pain and move past it for both of our benefits, and I’m sure one day I will forgive you for it. Hopefully, that day is sooner than later. Although, I can make no promises of when that will be.

Thomas nodded along as he was reading. “I can ask for no more than that. You’re truly being far kinder than my situation probably deserves.”

(Y/n) smiled rather hesitantly at him and wrote in the small amount of space along the bottom of the page. ‘General Washington spoke at length about you before your arrival, and I’ve assumed this situation must be hard for you as well.’

“I would ask what he spoke about,” Thomas hesitated, “but if you know this is hard for me than I can assume what he told you.”

(Y/n)’s smile dropped, and she nodded reluctantly, pulling out a second page to scratch out, ‘I was sorry to hear about your wife, Secretary Jefferson. I have also lost a spouse. Not one I cared for, but it was still a painful experience. I would not wish it on anyone.

Thomas furrowed his eyebrows, “You as well?” That was rather surprising. Most people with soulmates would wait decades, a lifetime, to marry the one. Thomas’s wife had only agreed to marry him because she had been widowed by her soulmate. They had loved each other, but she had never been in love with him the way he was with her. The memories of her soulmate had always haunted her, and when she passed it had only further confirmed his loneliness when he had to bury her beside another man.

Yes,’ (Y/n)’s hand was a little shaky over the admission. ‘I suppose I should also ask for some of your forgiveness. You did not know I existed. I knew of you, and still I married another. Forgive me; I did not know there would be any situation surrounding what you said to me. I assumed that you would you be quite a cruel man. My husband, John Aylett, turned out to be the cruel one.’

“Is he…” Thomas hesitated, not just because he was unsure of asking but because he was unsure if he wanted to know, “Is he the reason you are…”

No,’ (Y/n) immediately wrote out and showed him before turning the paper back to explain, ‘that was purely biological. Although, John certainly had no problem pointing out my deficiency. He was part of the reason I disliked the idea of meeting you. I assumed you shared his view.’

Thomas refuted adamantly, “I assure you I don’t. You have no reason to be shamed in such a way. Whatever else you think of me, believe that. I’m happy to accept who you are and help however I can.”

Like bringing me paper,’ (Y/n)’s expression was teasing, and it relieved Thomas.

“I cannot take credit for that. James borrowed it from President Washington’s study when I came to look for you. I was in quite a rush. The thought hadn’t even occurred to me.” Thomas admitted.

Well give him my thanks. This conversation would have been rather one-sided otherwise.’ (Y/n) paused and huffed out a breath, ‘Like most of my conversations these days.’

“Not to worry,” Thomas actually smiled at this. “I almost always have paper on hand. You just caught me at a bad time…” His smile quickly morphed into his usual cocky smirk as a thought occurred to him. “And besides, I’m sure I will know sign language by the time we see each other again… I’m a very quick study,” Thomas winked.

The couple smiled widely at each other, and all tension broke.

When James came out to check on them an hour later, Thomas was practically rolling in laughter, clutching one of the papers to his chest, as (Y/n)’s face stretched in a triumphant smile. The pair, and most of the stairs, were covered in used writing paper. The box lay beside them with only a sheet or two left of what had been a full stack of paper.

James tried to bite back his wide grin. “Thomas, I believe you owe President Washington a new box of paper.”

Thomas simply chuckled and grinned back at (Y/n), “Yes, yes, of course. As much as he wants.”