you guys i think i look kinda cute today

Why doesnt SOMEONE do something aobut ALL THESE FUCKING BOTS ON social MEDIA ???????????????
  • Co-Worker: *internally* The new guy is so cool. Well, I guess he's not the new guy anymore because he has been working here for months now, but he's still great. I look up to him so much. He's funny, and outgoing. He even gave me a cute nickname. He never recognizes my affection for him, but I think today is the day. Today is the day he'll realize how cool and cute I am.
  • Co-Worker: H-Hi!
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Do you like music?
  • New Guy: Yeah, I mean everyone likes music. Kinda weird if you don't. You're friends with that rep, right?
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: You know, the mopey one. Dark hair. Does she like me?
  • Co-Worker: Everyone likes you. I like you.
  • New Guy: Yeah, but that rep. That rep doesn't talk to me.
  • Co-Worker: I'm sure she likes you. You're so cool and kind and... uh, Britney Spears followed me on twitter!
  • New Guy: Whoa, what!? Britney Spears!? You're fucking joking!
  • Co-Worker: I'm serious. I guess, I'm really cool now. Hahahahahahahaha.
  • New Guy: Lemme see.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: Lemme see your phone. I wanna see Britney following you. Can you like DM her?
  • Co-Worker: You're not allowed to take your phone out at work.
  • New Guy: Come on, no one cares.
  • Co-Worker: Uh, here you go, I guess. *hands new guy her phone*
  • New Guy: *checks twitter* ...This is a bot.
  • Co-Worker: Huh?
  • New Guy: It's not the real Britney Spears, this is very obviously a bot.
  • Co-Worker: No, it's totally her. How can you even tell?
  • New Guy: First off, she only has two followers. One of which is you and the other is another Britney Spears bot. Secondly, her twitter name is Brittany Spear. Third, all of her posts are about discount fishing rods.
  • Co-Worker: Oh... I guess I didn't notice.
  • New Guy: You're fucking with me aren't you?
  • Co-Worker: *sweats* Sure, yeah.
  • New Guy: *laughs* I love you, braids. You're funny as shit.
  • Co-Worker: You love me!?
  • New Guy: Yeah, as a minor work acquaintance. Hey, if you talk to that rep later on, tell her to hit me up some time.
  • Co-Worker: Sure... yeah.
  • *later*
  • Co-Worker: *checking phone* It can't be a bot. It's definitely not a bot. Why would a Britney Spears bot follow me. I'm not even interested in fishing. It has to be the real Britney. *DMs the bot* Hey, hello Britney.
  • Brittany Spear: hi what're up :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney, I knew you were real!
  • Brittany Spear: lol hey ! :) :P
  • Co-Worker: Britney, you have to prove to this guy at my job that you're real. He's so cute and I love him so much and I want him to notice me.
  • Brittany Spear: wow hey did you kno that u can decrease you're morrtgrage rate by up to 20% check it out at www.extra.savings.ca/riwuWqoaQ/ref/100200
  • Co-Worker: Britney, this is serious.
  • Brittany Spear: Hi :)
  • Co-Worker: Britney PLS!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Brittany Spear: do U want boys to like U 🤔
  • Co-Worker: Yes, Britney! Show me the way!
  • Brittany Spear: is verry easy just follow this link and find your way https://find.your.way.jp/4wfwf42435753g$single/trinity/
  • Co-Worker: *clicks link*
  • Co-Worker: *pupils dilate*
  • *later*
  • New Guy: *working halfheartedly*
  • Co-Worker: *stumbles into new guy's cubicle* Greeting.
  • New Guy: Hey, braids.
  • Co-Worker: Does your like fishing?
  • New Guy: Nah. Never been much of an outdoorsman unless it involves extreme sports.
  • Co-Worker: Cooooooool. Go to www DOT amazone DOT co DOT de FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH yourdiscountnow FORWARDSLASH for 90% discount code on premium fishing rods.
  • New Guy: You alright, braids? You sound kinda complete weird, and your eyes are a little completely black.
  • Co-Worker: Actavis, sizzurup, lean, drank. I've low prices completely legal real prescription email me at colombiaeastdrugstore AT gmail.com w FORWARDSLASH offers 100% secure line. Encrypted currencies accepted: BTC, Dogecoin.
  • New Guy: Uh... yeah. *leads co-worker out of his cubicle* I'm kinda completely busy at the moment. So I'll talk to you later braids. You should probably get back to work too.
  • Co-Worker: Been rejected? I can help you. Popular girls are on hand to chat 24/7 with advice at www DOT ez DASH chat DOT co DOT nz FORWARDSLASH promo FORWARDSLASH res575929682
  • *later*
  • Brittany Spear: *tweets* Why is it so dark? Why am I so numb?
hummingbird heartbeat - pt35

( missed the beginning? catch up on AO3! ) 

“Is it okay if I want to think about it?” Jack asked.

“Yes,” said Bitty. “It’s fine. It’s – I just want to spend time with you. Like before.”

“Just not in my guest room.” It was a statement, not a question.

Bitty’s cheeks burned a little. “I’ll sleep on your sofa if you want,” he said, “or come back to school after we hang out. It doesn’t have to – I wasn’t expecting –” He rubbed his face with one hand. “We don’t have to jump into anything, that’s what I’m trying to say. Just if it, um. If it happens, it’s okay. That’s all.” He wasn’t sure he could just jump right into something, anyway. They both needed time to sort their feelings out.

Jack took a breath. “I have a home game this weekend,” he said. “Do you want to, uh. You wanna come down?”

Keep reading

jinglebelljercy  asked:

Hi! I voted for ya new url ;) you got some good ones saved. Could you write solangelo coffee shop au please? Nothing specific as long as it's placed in a coffee shop :) thank you!

Thank you! So I know most coffee shop aus are barista/customer but I did something a little different! I hope you enjoy it :)


This was getting to be ridiculous, really. Every single time Nico visited the Delphi Café, the same blond kid was seated in the corner. Now, this wouldn’t have been a problem if Nico was visiting at the same time every day. The thing was that Nico was a very irregular customer, stopping in at different times on different days of the week. Yet, every single time, this guy was there too.

When Nico had first noticed this, his first thought had flown to stalker. He quickly dismissed the idea, however, for a multitude of reasons. One, the guy didn’t even seem to notice his presence. Two, he always had a laptop and at least one large textbook with him, which would be impractical for following someone. Three, said supplies were always already open and in use by the time Nico arrived. And four, his coffee (plain, probably with minimal cream and sugar, unlike Nico’s own elaborate Italian blends) was always at least halfway finished when Nico walked in the door.

It had been a few months of this when Nico had finally started to get annoyed. Did the guy live here or something? Exactly how much time did he spend at this coffee shop?

It was a Thursday, and he had a huge exam to study for tomorrow. He’d brought his own computer and textbooks with him, and was prepared for a full evening of studying. As he waited for his coffee to be brewed, he glanced around the little café for a place to sit. Of course, he was just as lucky as he always was, and the only open space anywhere near a power outlet was the table right across from blondie.

When his order was ready he made his way over to the table. After he settled himself in and opened his textbooks, he spared a glance over to the blond guy. As usual, he was paying him no attention. Good.

About a half hour into his studying, blondie stood up and started walking towards him. Nico immediately went on guard, burying his nose further into his book. The guy then continued to walk right past him, not even glancing his way. It was then that Nico noticed the empty coffee cup in his hand. Oh. He’d only gone for a refill. Embarrassed, Nico put his headphones to drown out all the other activity of the café.

A while later, he was pulled from his thoughts by a tap on his shoulder. He glanced up and was met with a very familiar looking face, framed by bright blond hair, and oh my god those are the bluest eyes he’d ever seen.

“Hey, um, I was wondering if I could borrow some paper?” the blond guy asked. His smile was shy.

There was a moment before Nico responded, as he was too caught up in the way this guy resembled an actual personified sunbeam. “Sure, uh, no problem.” He pulled his notebook out from underneath his textbook and ripped a few pages out.

He handed them to blondie, who smiled gratefully. “Thanks! I’m Will, by the way,” said blondie. “I see you around here a lot.”

More like I see you, Nico thought. “Yeah, I’m a bit of a coffee addict,” he replied, holding up his half empty cup for emphasis.

“Tell me about it,” Will leaned his hip against the table. “I drink so much to stay up and study that I need even more when the morning comes. I guess that’s what I get for being a med major, though.”

“Med major?”

“Yeah. Dad’s a doctor and my mom’s a paramedic. I guess it just runs in the family.” Will shrugged. “What about you? What’s your major?”

“History, with a minor in Theology.” Will raised his eyebrows, impressed. “I’ve actually got a huge exam on World War II tomorrow.”

Will stood up from where he’d been leaning on the table. “I’ll let you get back to studying, then.” He went to turn around, back towards his table, but spun around to face Nico again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

He couldn’t help the grin that spread onto his face. “Nico. My name’s Nico.”

“It was very nice talking to you today, Nico.”

“The pleasure was mine.”

Will bit his lip, looking indecisive. “So, Nico, I was wondering, if maybe you’d like to go grab coffee or something with me sometime?” His cheeks were turning pink, and dammit it was kinda cute.

“Uh,” Nico gestured around the shop.

“Oh! I meant like, maybe some other time? Where there is a bit less studying involved?” Will was nervously scratching at the back of his neck. “Only i-if you want to…”

As adorable as the display was, Nico opted to spare the guy from his misery. “I think that sounds nice.”

Will’s face broke into a bright, beaming smile. “Great! Here, I’ll give you my number.” He scribbled out the numbers onto the corner of one of the papers Nico had given him before tearing it off and handing it to him. “Text me or something and we can figure out a day that works.”

Nico took the paper from him, and could feel the blush spreading across his cheeks.

“I’ll see you later, Nico!”

He returned the goodbye, then turned back to his work. There must’ve been a reason he’d kept running into this guy. Maybe he’d let fate take a break run into him on purpose from now on.

sleepymccoy  asked:

I just adore how classically pansexual Jim is. He treats everyone equally, he's just into them. Man, woman, unspecified alien, nonbinary, whatever. He's just into them. It's very beautiful.

Imagine Jim’s crew getting shoreleave for some time after the events of Beyond.

Every day Jim comes home to Bones and Spock and cries over just how many good-looking people there was outside today.

Spock and Bones think it’s hillarious

❇ ✹ ✺ ✻ ✼ ❈  Join Jim Kirk Monday!  ❉ ✱ ✲ ✴ ✵ ✶

2

‘(Y/N) could you come to the kitchen for a second?’ your manager asked you were waiting for the next order to be finished.

‘Um yeah, just let me take this next order and I’ll be right there.’ you said once the order was done.

While you arranged the plates on the tray you saw the manager go back to the kitchen.

After you were done serving that table you hurried to the back to see what your manager wanted.

‘You needed something?’ you asked.

‘Yeah we have a new hire as of yesterday, he’s a server, so I need my best server to train him.’

‘Oh did you want me to call one of the other servers? Yeah I’ll let her know, which one is it?’ you asked while pulling out your phone, getting ready to call one of the other servers and let them know they have a new trainee.

‘No no (Y/N), I was talking about you, you’re my best server. I need you to train the new server.’ The manager clarified while trying not to laugh at how clueless you were.

‘Oh me, cool.’ you blushed at the compliment.

‘He’s coming in today but since we’re kinda busy I’m just gonna have him shadow you OK.’

‘Yeah I get it, I got a new shadow.’ You joked.

‘I need a server!’ one of the cooks called.

You hurried to the counter and got back to work, all the while thinking of your new trainee, wondering who he was and when he’d show up.

Just then the door opened and in walked a rather tall and lanky guy, he had brown hair and eyes, cute moles here and there. And he was wearing the same uniform as you.

That must be him.

He looked around and his eyes landed on you he headed your way.

‘Um hey I’m the new hire I’m looking for the manager, he said he’d have my name tag ready when I came in.’ the guy said.

‘Yeah just head to the back of the kitchen, that’s where the office is.’ you responded.

‘Thank you.’ he said before going into the kitchen.

‘That the new hire?’ (Y/F/N), the cashier, asked.

‘Yeah, I’m training him because I’m the best server.’ you boasted proudly.

‘He’s cute, in a nerdy kind of way. What’s his name?’

‘I don’t know yet, he’s getting his name tag right now.’ you answered.

At that moment he walked out and you focused on his name tag.

‘Stiles? That’s your real name?’ you couldn’t help but ask.

‘Oh uh no, it’s not but that’s what I go by. Don’t even bother asking the real name I take it to my grave.’ Stiles said.

‘No name? Are you the Doctor? Does that make me Rose Tyler?’ you joked.

‘Was that a Doctor Who reference?’

‘It was, and I think I’m more of a Donna Noble if anything else. Anyway I’m (Y/N), and I’ll be the one training you. Today you’ll just follow me and basically watch and learn because we’re busy right now.

‘You got an order coming out, get the big tray.’ (Y/F/N) said as one of the cooks put the food on the counter.

You grabbed one of the large trays and started arranging the plates so none of the five plates would fall or spill when you picked up the tray.

‘OK, lesson number one when you carry the large tray only use one hand. You pull the tray so it’s hanging off the counter then bend your knees put your hand under the center of the tray. When you stand back up your shoulder will carry most of the weight and keep the tray balanced.’ You said while demonstrating.

‘We keep the support stands over here, this is why I use one hand so I can carry the tray and the stand.’ you said while grabbing the stand.

The rest of the night Sties followed you and watched you serve plates to customers, bus tables, sweep up spilled rice, deal with complaints, etc. all the while listening to little notes and tips you gave him.

Finally thing were winding down so you and Stiles had a minute to take a breather.

‘I’ll be honest I didn’t think this much was involved in being a server.’ Stiles said.

‘Thought it was only picking up the food and bringing it out? Maybe get some free food during a guaranteed break?’ you smiled.

‘Yeah that’s I thought, but apparently you have to clean the tables and sauce bar, sweep, clean the restroom, fill the soda machine with ice, make huge tubs of tea all while customers make trivial request.’ Stiles said.

‘Yup and most days I don’t get a break and the food ain’t free, but it’s a good discount.’ you added.

‘Well at least we both leave in an hour right?’ Stiles asked.

‘What did your schedule say?’

‘The manager said we have matching hours since you’re training me. Six to close, as in six to midnight, right?’ Stiles asked.

‘Oh how cute you thought you were leaving soon. Closing means you don’t leave until the dining room is clean and ready for day shift.’ you explained.

‘Are you serious, OK fine what do you have to do when you close?’ Stiles whined.

‘Well you have to roll up the rugs, sweep, mop, tables must be clean obviously, clean the restrooms, dump the tea, restock and cover the sauces on the bar, shut off the soda machine and sanitize the dispensers, take the dishes to the back to be washed, take out the trash and clean that little employee room.’ You listed off the things you had to do before either of you could leave.

‘Damn and you do this every night? That was exhausting to listen to, and I have to watch you do all that.’ Stiles said in amazement.

‘Yup and tomorrow you get to help me do it. Welcome to the food business.’