you guys care about me so much and i don't know why

this is a masterpost of my Opinions, because i’ve been seeing a lot of drama and ship war bullshit going on, so i just want to be very clear on where i stand on some things. here we go:

-alex is not an alcoholic. she’s an adult who drinks alcohol.
-i ship karolsen & supercorp both, at the same time, legit like 50/50.
-that being said, i can also acknowledge that lena is kind of problematic (the alien finding device thing) and i would love for them to address that please.
-james, j'onn, and maggie have been treated horribly this season. they’re all regulars, and yet only get about, what? .5 seconds of screen time per week? and yes, it’s for sure racist…..which brings me to my next point..
-it’s no secret that my biggest problem w/ this season is mon-el. they sidelined james for this white fratboy, and there was nothing subtle about it. why they felt the need to kill a cute, semi-slowburn romance between an interracial couple is beyond me.
-i don’t think m'gann is technically a regular, but she’s also been treated like shit. they literally have sharon leal on their payroll and they’re not using her AT ALL and i’m heated about it.
-i’m cool with james as guardian, but i am not cool w/ literally any other male heroes on this show, because supergirl, at its core, is a show about women. as it fuckin should be.
-sanvers is my lifeblood.
-maggie needs a backstory, and relationships with people outside of alex. i would love for her and james to be besties, and please for the love of god acknowledge the friendship that she would undoubtedly have with m'gann.
-i want cat grant back.
-i want lucy lane back.
-last but not least. my daughter, kara danvers, has been sidelined on her own show. she is more alone right now than we have ever seen her, and it’s reflected in her overall demeanor. i despise the fact that we had such an amazing, underlying awareness of kara’s constant anger and grief in season 1, and now it’s as if that never existed. i miss the episodes ending with her and alex talking and eating pizza, but now all we get is mon-el manipulating her into feeling guilty that she doesn’t like him back. i don’t need that, and neither does she.

these are some of the big things that i’ve seen people arguing about the last few weeks. if you disagree with any of this, that’s fine, we can still be friends. literally the only people i’m not interested in talking to, are karamel shippers who genuinely believe that they are a healthy relationship, and that kara and mon-el have more chemistry than kara and literally anyone else. they should be brother/sister relationship, and that’s all. other than that, please know that i love seeing different headcanons for all the ships, and brotps you guys come up with, even if i don’t ship them myself. i follow blogs with totally opposite opinions, and love coexisting with each and every one of you.

  • OK but what if Keith finally came out to the other paladins about him being Galra, in much the way Pidge came out as a girl, and, much like with Pidge, everyone else had already figured it out. Like...
  • Keith: You guys...I have something to tell you, and I don't know if you'll see me the same way after, but...I'm actually part Galra
  • Hunk: Wait, that was a secret?
  • Pidge: ok so now you're not in denial can you tell me everything you know about Galra tech
  • Hunk: I mean your eyes are purple dude that's not a human colour
  • Shiro: After being around Galrans it was sort of obvious, but I was hoping you'd tell me so I didn't say anything
  • Hunk: And your ears have just a hint of fuzziness about them
  • Lance: WAIT YOU GUYS HOLD UP HOLD THE FUCK UP WHAT THE FUCKING QUIZNAK WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW

I don’t normally listen to secular music but Lorde has released two new songs recently and I was absolutely obsessed with her my first year of university, so I checked them out. And not surprisingly, I’m absolutely obsessed again. Especially her song Liability which like…I completely relate to and don’t even have to explain here because if you’d listen to the lyrics you’d know why since it’s so self-evident.

And it makes me think of dating and relationships. Not only because of the lyrics but like I said, I was absolutely obsessed with Lorde in my first year of university. And during that year, there was a guy I had a crush on for pretty much the entire year. It never went anywhere and I remember after I came home from an event he’d invited me to, disappointed nothing came of it, I was crying in my dorm with all my girl friends. It wasn’t so much even about the guy himself but the fact that I was 18 and never had a real boyfriend or anything like that. And I kept saying how all throughout high school people told me I was too intimidating and too strong of a personality for boys my age, and how I felt being in university and liking an older guy would make that go away but it didn’t. One of my friends had an idea to go to the guy who lived next door in res to us and ask what he thinks, because I was pretty good friends with him. So she asked if he thought I was too intimidating or such a strong personality that it was off-putting to guys and he said yes, sometimes. Clearly that wasn’t the answer she was expecting but it’s what she got. And it just made me even more upset because I thought, you know, this is just who I am. But apparently it’s intrinsically not attractive to men.

Then fast forward to the summer when I’m involved in the frum community. And I’m learning about tefillah with my rabbi and we get on the topic of tznius and he tells me it’s more than just clothes but a middah too. Which I agree with, but then he tells me he notices I have a habit of putting myself in conversations I don’t belong in or dominating the space I’m in and it’s not so tznius. And I wonder if that means I’m not aidel enough for frumkeit so I keep his words around my neck like a locket; a reminder to be quiet and gentle. I even buy a journal that has the quote “leave something to the imagination” written on it in calligraphy because I need it as a reminder that it’s not just my body that needs to kept under wraps but apparently my thoughts too. So I begin writing all my thoughts inside this journal instead of speaking them until suddenly I have journals lining my bedroom walls and my tongue burning with bite marks from holding it back.

And I think sometimes that’s why I’ve taken such a shtark approach to the clothing aspect of tznius. I reached a point where I only wore 60 den stockings and safety pinned the necks of all my shirts inches above my collarbone and I cut my hair and I tried to do everything I could to make up for the fact that I wasn’t tznius as a person, that my personality was too brash. I would cross the street if men were on the same side as me and I wouldn’t sit next to them in cars. Anything I could do to be tznius.

Because for a long time I felt I wasn’t. No guy wanted anything to do with me because I was too much. Too loud, too opinionated, too much energy, just too much. I tried to make myself smaller in more ways than one. I was exhausting; fun for a time but not forever. Too much.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m happy with who I am even if others think it’s a bit over the top. I think there is a lot of truth in what my rabbi was trying to teach me about tznius. I think I was at a weird stage in my life where I was desperately trying to fit in with the frum community that I read too much into what he was saying to me. But I took it too far, which I guess is ironic because that’s what people say about me when they claim I’m “too much”, which to me, translated as not aidel enough.

But I’m happy with my strong personality. I used to worry even as a fifteen year old I’d never have a boyfriend because I was too much. It seemed to be proven to me that’d be the case when I was eighteen. I worried about that for a long time. Now I’m twenty-one and I don’t think it’s such an issue anymore. Maybe it’s because I realize I also need a strong personality. I used to always say I need to date someone who is timid and reserved and quiet to balance me out, tone me down. But I don’t need that. I don’t want that. Even though that’s what I always said, even as a fifteen year old, and even when I started shidduchim. But it’s not what I want or need. I need someone just as loud and domineering and “too much” and whatever other words people label me as.

Honestly everyone’s so tired of all this age discourse bullshit. Sheith is toxic? Where in the world two guys caring for each other is toxic and problematic and gross?? You know what’s problematic??? Turning this into a fucking ship contest. And if you’re going to post hatred about sheith at least don’t tag it as /sheith/ because no one’s there to see your bullshit.

And stop saying things like “I see Shiro as a father figure so I can’t ship him with anyone :////” like back??? off??? Shiro is canonically a teenager and he has already gone through so much at such a young age and you come here to tell me he’s a father figure and that he’s condemned to “have adult responsabilities” for the rest of his life??? He was supposed to live a happy life ok none of the paladins should be carrying this huge weight on their shoulders. And the dad thing is a joke why do people take things too literally gdi.

Just give Shiro a break and let him be a teenager for once.

Timehop shattered me today. Usually it’s okay. Melancholy for the past, but still good. Today was not. Today hit me like a brick wall.

I’ve been talking to the most amazing guy for years now. We met on Omegle.
The year I graduated high school(2011!), a really big tumblr trend was to go on Omegle under the “tumblr” tag and try to find your friends/followers. It was hysterical. It was fun. I was on there so much it started leaking into my real life. My friend and I would have sleepovers and stay up until crazy hours, on Omegle just finding people to talk to. Obviously the cute ones would get more attention, and we’d have to skip a dick or 10(yes literal dicks), and on the rare occasion we’d get a guy’s number and text for 48 hours and then never again.
But one night, it was different. If I remember right, we were dicking around with stuffed animals. We’d hold them on screen and try to get people to interact with them without seeing what we looked like. Accents, whatever. And if they gave us the time of day we revealed our faces after a while. So we connect with this random babe. And he’s got the bluest eyes. And this swoopy brown hair. Squarish jawline. And he says he’s from England and we’re swooning because we’re American and foreign accents are delicious. He’s not talking though, just typing. We eventually show our faces. My friend gets bored and says we should skip him but I don’t want to. He’s so cute and the way he won’t speak is making him a mystery I’m dying to hear. I get his Skype so we can move on and promise to talk to him later. This guy is cute and all but we’ve only just met and I’m hosting a sleepover and my friend is bored. A bit later, I get a Skype message. I let the guy know we’re still on Omegle. What’s he still doing up? It’s like 6am there. He’s nuts. But he wants to Skype me. But I can’t. My friend is there. I can’t just take over the computer. Eventually my friend gets tired. So I close Omegle and Skype the England Boy. I’m begging him to say “love” in the accent I know he has. But he won’t do it. I’m 18 years old and teenage romance novels are my weakness and romcoms are everything and the way Gerard Butler calls his leading lady “love” is all I need in my life. My friend is falling asleep on the couch and I’m busy falling for the biggest fall of my life. We’re Skyping for four hours. He barely speaks. And then gloriously he says to me, “goodnight love,” and I’m dying from head to toe, it’s beautiful and this cute guy said it in his cute accent and even if he didn’t mean it, if he only said it because I begged and persuaded it out of him, it’s still got me in a puddle of emotions. It’s perfect. He’s great. I’ve got him on Skype. I can call him up whenever I want.
That was how it started. It was everything to me. I stayed up Skyping him when I should have been sleeping. I stayed on Skype with him for 6 hours 6 days a week. It was the summer before I went to college. He meant everything to me. He made me laugh. Die laughing. He was adorable and funny and charming and immature and sarcastic in all the right ways. He’s terrified of spiders. Sometimes, he sleep walks. He hates pineapple. He’s got a lesbian sister. More siblings. He’s never owned a car. He doesn’t have a license to drive. He’s getting a 7k inheritance when he turns 21. His dad’s an accountant. He had a brother who passed away. His girlfriend appears to be a massive uncaring bitch. He can do better. Dealing with my feelings and his girlfriend was a rough patch. She’d infuriate me so badly some nights. He’d Skype me from her house. It’s okay, she’s asleep. Why are you talking to me? You should be sleeping next to her. You can’t sleep? That happened more than once.
When he broke up with her I was so happy for him. So proud of him. He didn’t have to date me. Distance. Yuck. But now he could find someone to treat and be treated better. He never really did.
He’d watch American Football. Something I’m not sure he’d ever even thought about before me. He’d say he’d seen a Vikings game. Why would you watch that? We’re terrible. Football sucks.
He Skyped me through the single semester I went through college. He made a tumblr because I used it so much. We had matching links at one point. He Skyped me when I came home from college. I got a job, a good job but I still had time for him. I moved in with friends downtown. I got a new, good job. I was meeting people. I was partying. I was hooking up with people because I had all these feelings for a guy halfway across the world that were becoming hard to deal with outside our computer screen Skype world. It was easier to crash into guys who didn’t really care about me and wouldn’t notice I wasn’t exactly there for them emotionally 100%, even if I pretend or felt like it for fleeting moments in time. It had been three years since we first met. I started fading. I was working 40 hours a week. I hated my job. Loving him and not being with him was suddenly becoming painful. Not talking about it because it was painful and a useless conversation was even more painful. It wasn’t easy to accept anymore. It wasn’t easy to know that everyone around me wasn’t him. That no one could amount to him. That I could harbour so much feeling for a guy I’d never met. Would maybe never meet. These feelings were suffocating. I was drowning in something I couldn’t have. Couldn’t even touch. He was mad at me for becoming more and more unavailable. I tried to explain it. He was killing me. He couldn’t understand. He still wouldn’t.
We Snapchatted. Barely. I found a boy at home who wanted to hook up and also be a friend. Eventually it crashed into a million fucking pieces, but it helped me. At least, I thought it did. I tried so hard to make it work. If I couldn’t have England Boy, maybe this guy would date me. Maybe I’d finally be worthy of “girlfriend.” Well, I wasn’t. I lost the extended fling, and the guy halfway across the world was hurt that I was distant. Because he couldn’t understand. Because I couldn’t understand.

Now we never talk. I don’t remember the last time we had a video chat. Over 6 months ago? He’s back with his girlfriend who never cared enough. He’s got a life and he’s ignoring me.

It’s August 11th, 2015, and four years ago today, I met you. And our relationship killed me.

can you guys believe that people are actually going around creating networks centered on how much they hate a ship because they’re oh-so “progressive” and care about the well being of young girls, while at the same time harassing and bullying said young girls who ship it. if you cared about young girls you wouldn’t send them nasty messages or create blogs and networks dedicated to dragging them.

it’s a fictional ship just who cares! you don’t have to like it, you don’t have to be positive about it but good god why would you spread hatred like that? why create a network all about hating something instead of doing oh I don’t know, ANYTHING ELSE?

rivergum  asked:

like a lot of people who can probably relate, I have some forms of mental illness that leave me feeling Not Great, but your FUCKING BLOg IS LIKE A LITERARY DOsE OF VITAMIN D and EVERY TIME you are online or I see another post I feel so much better. So thanks for being you. Thanks so much. You help, just by doing that.

oh man. listen. LISTEN. you matter to me. all of you matter to me, okay?? whenever things feel really hard, whenever they feel Not Great, please know that you matter to me. i’m not a perfect person, and you are not perfect people, but together we’re all just trying our best.

i believe in all of you. i want you to be happy, but i still believe in and care about you when you’re not. okay? okay? and i’ll do my best to make you laugh even when it’s really, really hard.