you dont need to change

i think posts like “you’re deserving of love even if you have xy symptoms, u dont need to change yourself for someone!” come from a good place and are even true in a Lot of senses, esp on the surface level, but like… i feel like sometimes they kind of stop short of necessary self-awareness. like, sometimes symptoms DO make us hard to be in a relationship with, and like… we genuinely do need to work on those things, if we can, you know? yeah, my being emotionally distant ain’t my fault, but i also get that if i don’t put any emotional labor into a relationship i can’t seriously expect any back, u know.

like self-love is important… its nigh impossible to get anywhere near self-improvement if we’re too overwhelmed by self-hate. i know, i’ve been there! but like… it’s important to know that some level of working on ourselves, of compromising in a relationship, is not only good, but its also very normal! relationships r give & take my friends

hello!! you probably know my blog if you’re tagged and you probably also have no idea what my name is or what i’m about so here: i’m bee, i’m a brown muslim girl who grew up in dubai but my parents are indian, also i’m pretty gay

so i’ve been on for about four or five years, and left, but i came back in early summer 2016 after i read throam. i didn’t really do anything with it besides make shitposts and ramble about my life which is why i was so surprised when i found out im getting closer to 1k, and i decided to do this thing (that literally no one asked for now that im at one thousand followers wtf??)

anyway here’s a little thank you to every single mutual that has tried and failed to be proper friends with me and still stuck around even though i couldn’t really be friends with any of them bc my offline social handicap decided to follow me here as well, and to every mutual who’s been so incredibly nice to me, and every mutual who i see in my notifs and every other blog that doesn’t follow me back but has inspired me to keep this up (keep what up lmao) alright im gonna stop rambling

fav blogs are bolded <3 (i’m sorry for annoying your notifs lmao this is probably a one time thing don’t worry)(also think of this like a blog rec since i maybe only really talk to four or five of these but all of these blogs are 10/10)(also there’s A LOT of blogs because i follow like 4000 people wtf how did that happen lmao this is gonna look messy idk how to tunmgler)

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im really worried about dan. like i constantly worry about him bc he used to be so sad and i just sit and worry sometimes that hes angry at us shipping phan or if hes eating enough or if hes taking care of himself or if he hides razors from phil and covers cuts and is silently sad like 2009 dan.  and i know this sounds so stupid but i just care so much and i dont want him to ever be sad or upset or anything but happy. and i know he says hes happy but ive seen so much hate recently towards him and phil and it just makes me think how much of it he lets get to him and i just hate not knowing if hes ok or just puts on a smile for the camera. and if he sees this (doubt it)  please know, we love you no matter’ll always be special to us and you dont need to change at all becasue you’re perfect. and i know that im over thinking this but when its someone close to your heart and someone that has changed and saved your life, you worry a little bit

Kobold, also known as the Pale Goblin. 

do i need to write yet another post about letting people experience emotion, good or bad, about new thor material instead of trying to force them into immediate cheeriness or can i just look into my archive and pull out the stuff i wrote about shit that has happened a month of four or eight ago


Gotta say this septum ring filter has got me wanting to get one (fake b/c of my near constant colds😓) ft. New haircut

Im supposed to be writing but im going out soon and had to put makeup on to look like a somewhat decent person and ended up taking selfies so hi


ya’’ll are gonna hate me but it’s a whatever thing for me. I’m changing my url.

DropDeadZack = Baraxat

I got a few side reasons for doing it but the only thing I’ll say is my pal @gaskart gave me the idea for the url and its short and its cute and i love it.


It was plain odd to do this, and one part of her resisted the idea greatly, but desperate times called for desperate measures and if Ruby and she were REALLY going to break into Victoria Palace she needed to know as much as possible to even know what to search for. Bucharest’s main library was the source of knowledge, and the man who worked here—she knew him very well—knew more than most. Nicolae was one of the reasons Lydia ran to Bucharest in the first place. The story of four syndicates sounding like stuff of fairy tales before she believed it and accepted as the truth. 

So yes, one part of her went there today because she needed to, but another was filled with curiosity and it pushed her to see what it looked like with her own eyes. What would it feel like to be seen as a complete stranger when she knew so much about the other. Nicolae was a counselor in a way, a friend, a keeper of many secrets she didn’t feel like sharing with anyone else, and the possibly main reason why it was easy to spill it out then was because they were both faceless, nameless beings, it was done anonymously and without any judgement. He told her his stories and she spoke hers, about all the money she had taken from those who were just a tad too rich and too cocky, burying guilt in donations, convincing herself it wasn’t exactly a bad thing she was doing. 

Lydia waited till another person left her sight before approaching the quite taller brunette, hands locked on her stomach where her skirt started and fell, trying to hide the nervousness that was only to be expected. “Hey, umm,” she cleared her throat, trying to keep her voice quiet so she wouldn’t attract too much unnecessary attention to herself, “I need something on Romania’s government system..And Victoria Palace.” And also anything about syndicates would have been nice too, but she didn’t suppose he would just give it to her; on the contrary, possibly pretend he knew nothing. God this was hard. Should she just say it? ‘Um you know the person you’ve been chatting with for the past year? Yeah, that’s me. Can I get something on the horsemen now?’ Nope, too creepy. This whole thing reeked of stalkerish behavior and she cringed. “Do you also by any chance have books like, how to break into buildings..and things? I mean, it’d be a hella interesting read, yeah. Like heists and stuff.”

Dear Heavenly Father,

You know what I’m going through. You saw me cry when no one else can see except You. You know me better than anyone else. I don’t know what to do but I know that, through it all, You won’t leave me alone. I’ll walk by my faith with You by my side. I know that You have better plans in mind for me than any other people have here in this world. So please, I’m begging You, let me trust You more than I did before now that I need You most. Forgive me for all the promises I made that I didn’t fulfill. I’m letting You change me now, Father. I’m letting You transform me to be the person You want me to be. 

In Jesus’ name, Amen.


Agatha truly loved what she did, more than anything in this world. However, no one was the biggest fan of two shows days and how exhausting they were. Not even Agatha. She was more than eager to get home and in bed after somehow ending up being the last one in the theater. As she stepped outside, she absentmindedly dug through her purse in search of her wallet only to find that it wasn’t there. “No-” Agatha breathed out, mentally cursing herself as she stopped to focus entirely on looking for it. “No, no, no, no, no.” Agatha groaned in a huff. The wallet was no where to be found, meaning that she wouldn’t be able to pay for a cab to get home. Sure, some of the cast members she worked alongside with offered to drive her home, given that was how she’d gotten to the theater that day, but she today she just had to insist on taking a cab. 

Her apartment complex definitely wasn’t in walking distance and even if it was, there was no way Agatha was willing to make the trip in the dark alone. So her mind immediately went to him. Sam. His apartment complex was close by and deep down, a part of her was confident that he would take her in. Going to his apartment would at least give her a place to stay until a friend could drive her back to her place as opposed to waiting out in the open. 

Agatha hadn’t slowed down until she found herself in front of his door as she prepared to knock. She wondered if she were doing the right thing. She wondered why on earth her mind had first gone to him of all people. She wondered how long they could keep this up. Shaking her head so as to rid the thoughts from her mind, Agatha lifted her hand and knocked on the door before her. She blamed it all on desperation due to the exhaustion she felt after such a long day.