you don't need to read this

Sometimes I’ll see posts on my dash or talk to ppl and consider saying something to them but then change my mind bc I feel like they might think I meant whatever I wanted to say in a romantic way? and I hate it because I haven’t meant anything I’ve ever said it some sort of serious romantic way ever except maybe when I was like 6 and didn’t understand romance or when like once or twice when I was 12.
All my relationships are like 100% platonic and I’m okay with that but I’m also super paranoid that things I say will be taken in some romantic flirtatious way and it makes me feel bad.
Like someday, I want a romantic relationship with someone but I don’t think that’ll happen for a long time and I really don’t want ppl to think I’m being romantic and trying to flirt with them just by trying to be friendly with my friends ya kno?
I just don’t want to accidentally lead someone on or make them uncomfortable because I’m also constantly paranoid about fucking up my friendships and I feel like that would.

Idk it was just something going through my head tonight.

I think when you fall in love with a book, you’re not just falling in love with the story but you’re falling in love with everything that goes along with it. You love the characters and you notice every little thing about them, you notice their quirks and how they interact with other characters. You follow their story and you live it with them. You hope the writer gives them a happy ending but know that you’d be slightly disappointed if they did because then the stories done and there’s nothing left to think about when you read the last word on the last page and when you do finish the book you feel empty, like a part of you is missing. You’ve connected to these people that don’t even exist so much that when you close the book you literally don’t know what to do other than lie on the floor for a while.

My Thank You Letter For Kevin

Dear Kevin,

I expected July 13th to be a really, really awesome day. I expected that I would finally meet some of my really good friends from tumblr, that I would get to take a cool picture at Taylor Nation and see some of my favorite of Taylor’s costumes, and that I would get to enjoy an absolutely amazing concert.

What I didn’t expect was to meet you after all of the amazing things that I had heard about you. And I didn’t expect you to be even better than all of the amazing things that I had heard about you. I didn’t expect you to be so kind, and so funny, and so personable. I didn’t expect you to laugh at my really, really bad jokes (I cringe every time I remember asking you if it was your first 1989 show… it sounded funny in my head beforehand, I promise). I didn’t expect to turn around after typing in my phone number and have you hand me two tickets to sit in the front row at a concert for my favorite artist (and person) of all time, and tell me to give away my other seats. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for your kindness. And here is all of the AMAZING things that happened to me thanks to you.

I’ll start with giving away the seats-that made me want to trade jobs with you. You make drinks at Starbucks and I’ll do your job-sounds like a plan, right? Once you gave us those tickets and we recovered for a bit, we started the long journey up to the very tops of the stands. We were in search of someone-we didn’t know exactly who is would be, but we knew that we’d know them when we saw them. We saw a little girl grinning ear to ear, wearing a 1989 t-shirt that was way too big for her and missing her two front teeth. She was with her dad, who couldn’t stop smiling at seeing how excited his daughter was. We looked at each other and knew they were the ones-we started talking to them and after a bit we asked them if they wanted our floor seats-and the dad thought it was a joke. He asked over and over if we were serious, and when we said yes and he explained to his daughter that they’d get to be closer to Taylor, she started jumping up and down with excitement.  I will never forget that moment and how much fun it was to be the one who made that little girl so happy. It was absolutely amazing.

And this was all before the concert had even started-the show was amazing from the second it started. Shawn was so much fun to watch, I didn’t know any of the words to his songs but they were so much fun to dance to. I quickly made friends with the pit security guards, they enjoined watching my crazy dancing and during breaks I talked to them about the different venues they work at and their favorite shows and events that they had seen. They were extraordinarily nice and I was happy to entertain them with my shenanigans. Then Vance came on, and he was AMAZING! I’ve been a HUGE fan of his for a very long time, and From Afar is one of my favorite songs. I never thought I’d see him play it live, and I got so excited when it was the first song he played. I started SCREAMING the words and dancing my heart out-and he noticed. And I thought I was imagining it until the girls next to me, the security guards, AND my friend said “TARYN HE’S WATCHING YOU”. Then I waved at him and he waved back! I danced and sang my HEART OUT and he kept watching me and it was surreal but so much fun. If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t have been able to see how insane I am! THEN HAIM CAME ON. And I am obsessed with Haim. How can you NOT be obsessed with Haim? I was jamming so hard, but in the middle of their jam session I got a TON of texts from my friend Ashlynn, so I figured it might be important so I took a second to look at my phone, and she told me TAYLOR LIKED MY POST ABOUT HOW AWESOME YOU ARE AND HOW YOU CAN US THE TICKETS!!! TAYLOR LIKED MY POST ON TUMBLR RIGHT BEFORE COMING ON STAGE BASICALLY BECAUSE OF YOU. I COULDN’T BREATHE FOR THE REST OF THE SET BECAUSE TAYLOR LIKED MY POST. But I kept dancing!!!

THEN. You know what happened next. Taylor came on. And I could write another thousand words about the show, and how I cried before Wildest Dreams and during the Clean speech and how my feet hurt so bad by the time Shake It Off came around and I couldn’t believe how close she was the entire time and how it was the most amazing concert ever.

But instead I’ll just say- thank you so much. Thank you for giving me the best seats imaginable to see the woman that means so much to me. The woman who has been there for me from the time I was 11- for sixth grade when everyone decided they didn’t want to be my friend anymore, through junior high when I was trying to figure out who I was, through going to a foreign country for a year by myself when I was 16,  through 5 different schools in 4 years of high school, through friends coming in to my life and friends leaving my life, through first real crushes and kisses and relationships, through tragedies and heartbreak and happiness and love. You allowed me to have the most amazing view of someone who means more to me than words can say. Taylor is my oldest friend, her music has been there for me when no one else has been. Thank you. Thank you so much for somehow seeing how much that would mean to me through my nervous jokes and through the fact that I couldn’t come up with a good costume and just wrote long live lyrics on my arm instead. Thank you for seeing in me that it would mean so much to me. Thank you for being nice, and for not thinking how excited some of us get about Taylor is ridiculous. Thank you for understanding how she’s a big part of our lives.

Thank you so much Kevin.

Hopefully I’ll get to see you again someday and thank you again, for everything.



Okay, so I managed to get a train on my own today. I know this may not seem like a big deal, but it is to me. I’ve never done it before and whenever I have, I’ve always made someone else come with me because I was so frightened.
After a lot of crying and incredibly harsh words from my mum, I got a ticket on my own, asked a nice lady for directions, waited on the platform for 5 minutes and got on a train.
Unfortunately, some creepy guy sat next to me and started asking me questions, which sucked and I panicked a bit, but I got over it! I plugged in my headphones and moved away!
This may seem really stupid, but as someone who suffers from social anxiety, this is a huge milestone for me. I feel like I can say that I’m proud of myself for doing this and for handling it, even though I cried a lot, and I don’t say that to myself a lot.
So yeah, I’m proud of myself.

auntmetis asked:

oh man, internalised racism, that sucks. what are things like in UK atm? media only obsesses over ferguson, but I imagine it's a thing p much everywhere... :/

it was really just because a trailer for that exodus movie came on tv - the one with the all-white main cast and mainly-poc supporting cast (re: all the servants), and i pointed out how problematic that was to my sister, and her response was … not great

she told me i was over reacting, and that they just cast the “best” actors … didn’t listen when i said there are great poc actors out there and that ridley scott is a clear racist if you’ve ever watched any of his interviews for this movie …

and then she called /me/ a bigot because of my views on the subject ? ?? ? apparently being against white-washing in hollywood makes you a bigot these days amazing 

Peridot moments aside, I’m just.. really relieved at the conversation that was basically forced into happening here. It seemed rushed, maybe, but it was crucial that Pearl got to apologize properly and follow it up by getting her side of the situation across; that said, it was even more crucial that Garnet pushed aside excuses and got straight to the heart of it- the root of Pearl’s issues, the why.  

Garnet explained that Pearl was not the only one with problems. The point was not that Garnet was “flawless”, the point was that flawed as she was, she was doing her best to work on those flaws and come through; Garnet threw out the whole illusion of “unachievable perfection” and basically told Pearl that she was the only one in control of herself and her fate.

Even better, she told Pearl that she looked up to her sometimes too, and for someone suffering from such low self worth, that was obviously something that meant a lot to Pearl- but here’s the thing, she didn’t just try to bolster Pearl’s sense of self worth through her views, she basically told Pearl that the only view of Pearl that mattered was Pearl’s