you don't know me

You don’t know what it’s like to have voices in your head saying that everybody hates you saying that you’re not enough saying that you don’t deserve any kind of love and support
—  Try fighting this everyday

Boy, was I wrong

You Don’t Know Me | 3

Summary: Yoongi gets you pregnant and chickens out

Originally posted by yoongiyi

Word Count: 2077

Pairing: Yoongi + Reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: swearing, strong opinions on abortion

Part 1 | Part 2


“(Y/N) please-”, Yoongi rushed to your side as he saw the tears rolling down your cheeks but you stepped back, holding your free hand in front of yourself. You didn’t want to feel his touch. It always made you weak, weak for him, weak for his excuses, but you needed to stay sane in that moment. You needed him to realize how bad he screwed up. He needed to see how mad and hurt you were. If he touched you, all those feelings would vanish in a matter of seconds.

“Don’t touch me Yoongi”, you choked out and he stood still. His eyes that usually didn’t hold much emotions, were full of brokenness, regret and a hint of something you couldn’t quite make out. His shoulders had sunken forward while his hands were in his pockets.

“Why now? Why, out of all days, you picked today to talk to me?”, you sniffed and wiped over your face with the back of your hand. Today had been a rather good day for you but now you were a mess like any other day before. Just with the slight difference that today you were a mess because Yoongi was talking to you. The other days you were a mess because he didn’t talk to you.

“I-I don’t know”, he stammered, scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t know you were here but as soon as I saw you, I couldn’t hold myself back any longer. The last month has been horrible. I felt as if I was going through hell every single time I heard your ringtone or saw your messages. Every time I heard you in our living room or saw you leave the dorms. I wanted to hold you, tell you everything will be okay. I wanted to be the one to bring you food over and take you to your appointments. I wanted to hold you in my arms until you fell asleep like we used to. Feel your heartbeat against my body and having your smell linger in my studio. I wanted to tell you cheesy lines that reminded me of you just to hear your beautiful laugh”, he had stepped closer as his index finger gently caressed the side of your face, his eyes moving over yours.

Loneliness.

The thing in his eyes, you couldn’t make out at first - it was loneliness.

“Then why did you ignore me? Why did you hurt me like that when you felt that way?”, you stared at him, pleading for an explanation. “Why did you leave me?”

Yoongi closed his eyes and swallowed hard, before shaking his head. “Because I was scared. You know how hard I work to make our dreams come true and with a baby all this hard work would have been for nothing.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Having a baby doesn’t mean that everything is ruined Yoongi. Yes, you have more responsibility but it doesn’t ruin your career. You’re very talented and everybody knows that.”

He let his hand fall down and bit down on his lip. “No, you don’t get it (Y/N). I’d have to make more time for you and the baby because obviously I can’t let you raise it alone. I wouldn’t be able to tour because I have you and the baby at home - touring would mean leaving you behind like a single mother for several months. That’s horrible. A baby would mean getting less sleep than I already do, bringing me closer to a burn-out than I already am, which I cannot afford. There are just so many negative points in this (Y/N), talent alone doesn’t make them go away.”

Confusion was written all over your face as Yoongi’s words sunk in. Realization hit you, making your jaw drop.

“Hold on - what exactly do you want Yoongi?”, you glared at him skeptically, hoping that your thoughts were wrong, silently praying to God that you were simply being overly paranoid.

He gently grabbed your hands, letting his fingers play with yours as his eyes softened. “I want you. I want you to take me back and be my girlfriend again (Y/N), please. I love you.”

These were the words you had waited for, for so long. Dreamed of every night since he left and cried over to exhaustion. But now that Yoongi had said them, an uncertain feeling spread throughout your chest area, making sickness approach you.

“But you just said that you didn’t want a baby, Yoongi”, you raised one eyebrow at him as he giggled at your words.

You didn’t understand what was so funny.

“Yeah, I don’t want a baby. I want you.”

Silence. The only noise you registered was a floor creaking somewhere in the dorm and your thoughts telling you to run. 

You were right.

Your heart beating increased and sweat formed on your palms. An enormous feeling of having to protect the little human inside of you, made your body shake.

“You’re expecting me to get an abortion?”, you asked hesitantly, afraid to hear the answer. He couldn’t be this heartless. He just couldn’t. Not the Yoongi that you knew and loved. He wouldn’t do that.

“Exactly”, he answered shortly, giving your hands a tight squeeze and smiling warmly at you. “It’s not like the baby is an actual human yet, we’re not killing anybody. We’re just doing the right thing.”

Never in all those years of knowing Yoongi, you would have thought that he’d be capable of suggesting something like that. You couldn’t even picture him thinking about such a cruelty.

He wanted to kill your baby. 

He wanted to get rid of it to be able to keep on dating you secretly again and not lose his job. He didn’t care about the baby, nor you. It was all about his job, his career, his image.

“You can’t be serious right now, Yoongi”, you slowly withdrew your hands from his touch, placing them on your tummy and slightly stepped back. 

His eyebrows raised in confusion. “Of course I am (Y/N). That’s the best solution for all of us.”

Crazily, you started shaking your head, disbelief numbing your body. “This is the best solution for you! What about the baby? You’re just gonna kill it off because it’s an inconvenience to you? What if I’m an inconvenience at some point, huh? Are you gonna kill me then, too?”

At this point, you were screaming at him, forgetting about all the pain you had gone through because of him. All you could think of was he wants my baby dead, repeating in your head like a deadly mantra.

“What? No, of course not. Are you crazy? That’s different! This baby isn’t even born yet”, he screamed back, trying to come closer to you but you pushed him away with one hand while the other one was still holding onto your tiny tummy. Jungkook was right, you weren’t fat but you did have a little noticeable tummy by now and you were going to protect it, no matter what. Or who.

“How is this different Min Yoongi? This baby is a living creature just like you and me. It might not be fully developed yet but it’s still a little person. It’s still a little person that we”, you signaled in between the two of you, “created. It has our DNA, our blood, our everything. It is growing inside of me and God have mercy, I will do anything and everything to protect this little creature from anything and anyone.”

Your fists were balled and your body was shaking angrily. Yoongi’s expression turned from confused to attentive.

“Babe listen, that’s just your motherly instincts. It’s nothing-”, Yoongi tried to explain but you held up a hand, not believing what you were about to say.

“Yoongi, if you don’t want this baby then fine. I’ll leave you alone. You don’t have to raise this baby with me. But I’m not going to abort it. Never. I might be a broke college student with a shitty part-time job that really does not pay me enough but I’ll get through it. I have the boys and Jin who are supporting me so much, unlike you. Especially Jin. So you don’t have to worry, he’ll take care of me and the baby and help me whenever I need help”, you tried to look at him with a straight face but you were never that good in hiding your emotions. He could read you like an open book and he knew that it hurt you to say those words to him.

“So what, Jin is going to replace me and raise that baby instead? Jin, who is secretly in love with you and has been for years is going to be its dad while me - the actual father - will be “Uncle Yoongi” is this how it’s going to be? Wow what a great choice (Y/N), really. You have to be kidding me”, he clenched his teeth and tilted his head in annoyance. “I won’t let him take you away from me. We’ve been through too much (Y/N). I love you and want to be with you! Why can’t you see that? Why isn’t that enough?”

You stopped in your tracks. What did Yoongi just say?

“What did you say?”

“Why isn’t my love enough-”, he started but you shook your head. 

“No, the other thing about Jin. He’s what?”, there’s no way you had heard right. He was just a friend, nothing more.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and bit onto his lower lip, moving from one foot to another. He was anxious and you could tell. “He has been in love with you since I introduced you to the boys. He confessed it to me maybe a year after we started dating. It was so obvious, I thought you’d be able to tell.”

Again, you shook your head. This time more slowly. 

That’s why he always went the extra mile to make sure you were doing fine.

It all makes sense now.

Slowly, you took a deep breath and exhaled in order to calm yourself. You couldn’t afford to make any irrational decision right now.

Looking up at Yoongi, you noticed his sunken figure and your heart shattered into even tinier pieces than it had been before. “Jin will not be their dad and you won’t be the uncle. You’re the father Yoongi and nothing’s going to change that. I will raise this kid because I always hoped for a future with you, a future where we’d be happily married with our own family and I love you so much Min Yoongi, I do. You’re the love of my life and even if I have to raise our baby alone, he or she should know that at least their mom believed in love”, you cleared your throat before continuing. “Also, Jin won’t take me away from you because”, another deep inhale, “I don’t belong to you and we’re not together anymore. You left me and you don’t want this baby. So, no Yoongi, your love is not enough for me. If you loved me like you say you do, we’d be making up already and talking about our future with the baby. Not discussing your wish for its abortion and fathomless jealousy of Jin.”

“Babe, I-”, his face fell and tears welled up in his eyes.

You turned your back to him and walked towards the front door, unable to take in his broken state anymore because in your opinion, he wasn’t allowed to feel that way. You were the broken one. Not him. He didn’t have any right to be this upset and helpless.

“No Yoongi, that’s it. You don’t want the baby, okay. I get it. I should have understood that earlier and not bother you with all my calls and texts and randomly show up at your house, imagining that I knew you well enough to think you were only being stubborn”, you clumsily put on your shoes while Yoongi simply stood behind you, looking like a lost boy.

“Please don’t go”, he whispered under tears, voice cracking, making you look up. It broke your heart and new tears rolled down your cheeks as well, as you saw his heartache displayed on his face. Gently, you wiped some tears off his cheeks.

“I have to”, you replied, turning around before he could do or say anything, closing the door behind you.

©jiminelli

Man, its been months since I drew something without line art, but i guess it came out better than I thought it would, (considering it took me around 5 hours to finish it)

If you’ve read the ML fanfic “You don’t know me” by @ferisae, you must know the concept behind this. The character Cheshire cat is not referenced on the fic(at least not for the moment), but its
actually from a concept art by the author http://ferisae.tumblr.com/image/156466550021

I love this fanfic, but its going to kill me (-_-’)

Voi fumare una cicca? Non puoi, fa male.
Vuoi farti una canna? Non puoi, è illegale.
Vuoi scopare come non ci fosse un domani? Non puoi, è immorale.
Vuoi strafogarti di nutella, pizza ed ogni genere di cibo fritto? Non puoi, ingrassano.
Vuoi riempirti di tatuaggi e piercing? Non puoi, è da criminali.
Vuoi farti i capelli rossi, verdi, blu o viola? Non puoi, è da pazzi.
Vuoi amare una persona del tuo stesso sesso? Non puoi, è contro natura.
ALLORA SCUSATEMI, MI RINCHIUDO IN CAMERA AL BUIO AD ASPETTARE DI MORIRE IL PRIMA POSSIBILE.
—  Notanotherstupidprincess
You Don’t Know Me | 2

Request: I can’t really think about an actual story plot but maybe yoongi getting you pregnant and he chickens out… Aw This is such a bad description but since you’re an amazing writer ypu can pull it off better ☺💖 thank you!

Originally posted by sugaglos

Pairing: Yoongi + Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1.922

Warnings: swearing, numbers (lolol)

A/N: gosh I suck at math so I hope the numbers are right… also please leave feedback if you want more!

Part 1 | Part 3


A month.

4 weeks.

31 days.

744 hours.

44.640 minutes.

2.678.400 seconds.

155 breakdowns.

49 panic attacks. 

12 sleepless nights. 

That’s how you counted the time since you had last heard from Yoongi. All that time passed without him answering your calls or messages, leaving you on read and declining every single one of your calls. 

He wants me to feel ignored, otherwise he’d just let the phone ring - or not click on my messages.

He wants me to know he’s there but not ready yet.

That’s his game.

You didn’t want to give up on him. He was everything you had, everything you had counted on. He was your best friend, your partner in crime, your lover and your other half. You had hoped for a future with Yoongi. Always supporting him and his moody behavior. Being there for him no matter what because you knew how stressed he was and how burdened he felt. So you didn’t stop leaving messages, as random as they were. You knew he was just being stubborn, you knew he would never leave you just like that.

He loves me.

He does.

He’s just having a hard time.

You started coming by their dorms every second day, hoping to get Yoongi out of his box. Being friends with the boys as well, they didn’t really mind. It was weird for you in the beginning because you two had been dating for so long, yet you had never really been at the dorms that often. Dating Yoongi meant spending more time with him at the studio than at the dorms. It was a nice change to be able to spend time with the others as well but you always knew in the back of your mind that the actual reason behind that situation was everything else but nice. And Yoongi knew how to remind you every time you visited - not once had you seen his face or heard his voice. He disappeared as soon as he knew you were coming over and wouldn’t come back until you had already left. You weren’t even the one telling him that you were coming over, hoping that one day he’d be there to talk things out face to face but he always found his ways to be gone before you could even notice. You still saw his things lying around, things he usually had lying around at your dorm. Familiar pieces of his, spread around the dorm, reminding you how his things were here but he would never be.

He’s just not ready. He needs time.

The boys knew what had happened between you two and you felt their pitiful glances they threw your way when they thought you weren’t paying attention. But you saw. They were always there. During dinner. While playing video games. Helping with the chores. Watching a movie. Going over their choreographies. You saw and it broke you more each time. Even they knew how pathetic you were behaving. 

And that’s what it was - pathetic. You knew it, Yoongi knew it, the boys knew it, everybody knew it. Still, you couldn’t give up because in the end of the day, it wasn’t only about you and Yoongi but about the baby. Your baby needed a dad, not only a father. And you were just as stubborn as Yoongi, so you wouldn’t give up so easily. Your child was not going to be raised by a single mom, a college student who could barely take care of herself. It was going to live better than that.

He’ll give in. I know he will. 

At that moment, a soft pillow hit you in the face and screams erupted through the living room. Before you could realize what was going on, Taehyung had ducked behind you, making Jungkook run around your tiny figure in circles, making Taehyung shove you around like a shield to protect himself, earning screams of confusion from you.  

“You coward, move away from (Y/N)!”, Jungkook screamed and laughed before jumping forward, taking you to the ground with him as he landed on Tae, pinning his figure to the ground in a merciless grip.

“Jungkook, let go, you’re gonna break my arm!”, Taehyung laughed while screaming out in pain, making Jin rush into the living room to your side. Stretching out his hands for you, you thankfully grabbed them and he helped you up before parting the two boys in one swift move.

“Are you two crazy?! We have a pregnant woman here, you could have hurt her and the baby! Stop running around like that or you’ll be cooking your own meals until this baby decides to break free”, Jin scolded while sitting you down on the couch, handing you a pillow and a blanket. You raised your eyebrows at him in confusion and laughed at his choice of words.

“For support. The baby needs it”, he simply answered and positioned it himself when you didn’t make a single move. 

“You can’t do that Jin Hyung! She’s not even fat yet!”, Jungkook exclaimed and earned a smack on the back of his head from his hyung. The maknae winced and rubbed his head in pain, whilst Taehyung laughed at the comical scene in front of him, earning a death glare from Jin.

“Shh, you don’t say that to a girl Jungkook. Don’t you have any manners?”, Jin looked angry but you just laughed and sat up.

“He’s right though, I’m not even fat yet. I’m just two months pregnant, Jin. Stop worrying so much”, you smiled at the older boy but he just shook his head and sat down next to you as the two others left the room to play video games in their bedroom.

“The first three months are the most critical ones (Y/N)! You should know that. Anything could happen”, he looked at you seriously concerned, so you grabbed his hand, rubbing your thumbs over his soft skin. You noticed him shiver and quickly look away but chose to ignore it.

“I know Jinnie. Thank you for taking such good care of me. I don’t know where I’d be without you”, you grinned foolishly but meant it. He had been there for you the second Yoongi decided to break it off and ignore you. In the heat of the moment you had called Jin right after you had calmed down from the first shock and since then he hadn’t left your side. He always made sure that you were doing okay, that you were eating and getting enough sleep, even bringing over food to your dorm himself if you couldn’t come over. He also made you tell him your check up appointments so he’d know if anything was wrong. He cared and you were truly thankful.

“You’d definitely be lost, I can tell you that”, he mumbled but smiled and pulled you into a hug. You were taken aback for a second as you inhaled his scent. He smelled manlier than expected and for a second, goosebumps arose on your skin before you heard a door being slammed shut and someone shuffling lazily into the room. You turned around, breaking free from the embrace and saw him. He was standing still in between doors, eyes glued to Jin’s hands on your waist.

“Yoongi”, you exhaled, eyes wide and watery as your heart started beating faster by every second that passed while he just stared. He looked exhausted, more than usual. Deep bags under his eyes, colored in deep purple and blue, signaling that he mustn’t have gotten lots of sleep in the past couple of weeks. His skin looked paler than ever and dehydrated, having lost all natural glow. His figure was skinnier than before and you were scared that he wouldn’t be able to hold himself up for much longer. At least he seemed to have taking care of his hair and clothes as his outfit and hair were styled enough to walk out of the house.

“I-I’m going to see what the others are doing”, Jin quickly got up, shooting you one last glance before walking out in the opposite direction of Yoongi. The boy’s eyes followed his hyung until he had left the room, basically shooting daggers into his direction before turning his gaze to you.

“Yoongi we-”, you started but he interrupted you harshly.

“Why was he touching you like that?”, his voice was icy like the last words that he had directed at you when he left you a month ago.

You were confused. “What?”

“Why was he touching you like that (Y/N)?”, his stare had something unreadable in it. Hands balled into fists on the sides of his body, his eyes didn’t leave your face.

“Touch like what Yoongi?”, Jin had only hugged you. You didn’t know what was going on. 

“His hands were on your fucking waist (Y/N)! Don’t act like I’m fucking blind”, he scoffed and rolled his eyes in annoyance.

Oh.

He was jealous. Min Yoongi was jealous even though he had broken up with you. Even though he had ignored all your calls and texts, avoided you for a whole month and left you alone with an unborn baby. 

That’s when it clicked.

Calling your state furious would be an understatement.

“So what if his hands were on my waist? He takes very good care of me and the baby, so he’s allowed to touch me”, you spat in an attempt to let Yoongi feel what you had been feeling that whole time. Even though he looked bad, he couldn’t have been through half the stuff you had been through the last weeks.

In the end of the day, he was the one who broke it off right?

Yoongi huffed and went through his hair with one hand. “So what, Jin’s the baby daddy now? As soon as I’m not available, you run to the next best dude?”, he was practically screaming at this point and you heard a door being shut silently. The boys were trying not to listen.

Damnit.

“As soon as you’re not available? Are you fucking crazy? You broke up with me because I told you that I am pregnant. I tried to get you back because I knew you are stubborn and just needed time but you treated me like shit, Yoongi. Like literal shit. I come by every other day to get you to talk to me but no, mister fuckhead even knows a way to avoid me at his own home”, you had stood up and your face was red from anger at that point. Tears were streaming down your face uncontrollably. Your chest was burning from the heartache and all the pain he was making you go through again. Flashbacks from the painful words he had thrown at you, came rushing back, a new panic attack arising within you. 

Please not now.

“I-I didn’t mean to”, he whispered and lowered his head. 

“What?”, you weren’t sure if you had heard him correctly. Trying to calm down your breathing, you closed your eyes and balled your hands into small fists.

“I said, I didn’t mean to hurt you like that”, he lifted his gaze and spoke up, voice breaking as he looked at your state.

“Well surprise, you did it anyway”, you held back a sob, putting a hand over your mouth as soon as those words were out. You didn’t want to cry anymore. You had cried enough in the last couple of weeks. 

It just didn’t seem to end.

we can watch the sunrise together, 
and i’ll beg to hold your hand, 
but you’ll only love me once the sun sinks;
i’m pretty, but the view is prettier.
—  pretty contests || r.m. || 8.15.17