you didn't think i'd do it

  • Slytherin: There's this really great show I think you should check out!
  • Ravenclaw: Okay, I will.
  • Slytherin: *three years later* Oh, did you like that show by the way?
  • Ravenclaw: Oh, I haven't started it yet.
  • Slytherin: Are you fucking kidding me?

Sometimes, people ask Merlin how long he and Arthur have been dating.
“Twenty one years,” he’d tell them.
“Wow,” they’d say, “that’s a really long time.”
Merlin just nods.
Then there’s the inevitable silence as they do some frantic calculations.
“Wait- how old are you?”
Merlin just goes back to his food.
“But - that means you started dating when you – you couldn’t have been older than, what?”
“Three,” Arthur says. Usually at his point in the conversation he’d start stealing Merlin’s fries. Merlin would let him, but glare a lot, because that’s what Merlin does. “We got married behind the church.”
“Wait, hold on, you’re married?”
“Nah,” Merlin says, “I don’t think those kinds of marriages are valid.”
“Those kinds?”
“You know, with plastic rings, without witnesses, that stuff. Also, we weren’t of legal age, obviously.”
“We were three,” Arthur repeats, “and Merlin was wearing half a chocolate cake.”
“Was not. And if you hadn’t stolen my plate that wouldn’t–”
“But,” they’d say, a little desperate now, “I know, that’s a childhood thing, but that’s not actual dating. I mean, you guys had other relationships, right?”
Merlin stares, then. “No, why would I?”
Arthur always gets a bit angry at this part. “Merlin was my boyfriend from that day on. What, you think my ceremony was lacking somehow?”
“Wait no, I didn’t mean -”
“Because I got him flowers-”
“Dandelions, he got me dandelion, also roses, they pricked him, he still has a scar there-”
“And there was music-”
“Mum was making more cake, she always sings then-”
“And the cake, obviously.”
“Obviously,” their listener echoes. “And you never broke up? Dated someone else? Had crushes on other people?”
They both just shake their heads. Merlin spies Arthur’s abandoned hot cocoa. It has marshmallows on. Arthur, the heathen, doesn’t even like marshmallows.
“You’re not drinking that, are you?” He’s already grabbing it as he says it.
“Sure, go ahead, take everything I own, strip me down to my last shirt.”
Merlin smirks. “I intend to.”
At this point, the listener is usually defeated by their long, lingering looks and makes a run for it before they can witness some kissing. Or worse.
They probably didn’t get it, but it’s fine. After all, no one but Merlin and Arthur need to.

Didn't think I'd ever have to roll for that

For context, the Rogue in my group just killed the BBEG for this leg of the campaign:

Rogue: How fucked would it be-

Fighter: to take his penis?

Rogue: Yes

Me: (Secretly rolls a 17 for dick size)

Fighter: Why did I know it was gonna go there?

Cleric: Why do you want his penis?

Rogue: Cause he’s a dick

Fighter: Doesn’t mean you have to take HIS dick

Rogue: Doin’ it! Okay

Me: It’s a moderately sized dick (Breaking character) I just rolled for dick size

Whole Table: (Erupts with laughter)

Signs as Sylvia Plath quotes
  • Aries: I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.
  • Taurus: I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery mountains, trees, people.
  • Gemini: The silence depressed me. It wasn't the silence of silence. It was my own silence.
  • Cancer: Please don't expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.
  • Leo: Kiss me, and you will see how important I am
  • Virgo: What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle age.
  • Libra: How we need another soul to cling to, another body to keep us warm. To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this, I need someone to pour myself into.
  • Scorpio: I must get my soul back from you; I am killing my flesh without it.
  • Sagittarius: I want to talk to everybody as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night...
  • Capricorn: If I didn't think, I'd be much happier; if I didn't have any sex organs, I wouldn't waver on the brink of nervous emotion and tears all the time.
  • Aquarius: I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.
  • Pisces: You are a dream; I hope I never meet you.
Platonic Sentence Starters
  • [ Requested by Anon forever ago! Sorry for taking so long! : ]
  • "I would punch someone for you."
  • "I set up a blanket fort in the living room."
  • "You made me a blanket fort?!"
  • "Do you mind if I cuddle up next to you?"
  • "I love a good cuddle. Come here!"
  • "Here, I brought you some comfort food."
  • "Do you want me to order some pizza or something gross for you to indulge in?"
  • "You'd tell me if I got fat, right?"
  • "Can you look at my eye and tell me if there's something wrong with it?"
  • "We can hug it out if you want."
  • "Your smile is contagious, you know."
  • "You weren't supposed to cut yourself. Here's a bandaid."
  • "Are you up to going out to eat?"
  • "I got up and made some coffee so you'd have some before you left. No thanks needed."
  • "Real talk, I support you and everything you do."
  • "Don't real talk. It makes me think you're getting too sappy."
  • "It's okay to cry. I'm here for you."
  • "You had a bit too much to drink last night, so I put you to bed before you got into trouble."
  • "If you're nervous, you can hold my hand."
  • "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."
  • "Oh, I'm sure you'd have someone else to support you. You're pretty great."
  • Nick: You have sort of been on the show. There was the night of the Brit Awards.
  • Harry: No.
  • Nick: Yeeeees. Where we thought it'd be a good idea to go straight from the Brits to do the radio.
  • Harry: I'd say I was on the radio, but I wasn't switched on.
  • Nick: Cause we basically went to some party, it was like 6am and I had to go to do the radio.
  • Harry: You said you would stay out if we all came.
  • Nick: That's true. Which is often my bargain.
  • Harry: How often do people bail to do the radio?
  • Nick: All the time. I don't do it anymore. It was a novelty. Cause I was so excited about having this job I thought 'Fire me! Whatever!' But now I am a serious broadcaster.
  • Harry: You're an adult now.
  • Nick: Yeah. But I remember when we came in. It was me, you, our friend Emily, our friend Jaime, you friend Cal - well, our friend Cal, a Robbie Williams cardboard cutout...
  • Harry: I don't know where we got it.
  • Nick: And a bejeweled bottle of vodka that said 'Grimmy'. So it was a classy night. When we came in, there was no one here. There was no producer Finchy, no producer Fifi.
  • Harry: Tina Daheley was here. And as we came in she was like 'Oh goood'. She looked at us when we came in and we were like 'WHEEEYYY!!!!' And she was like 'Oh jeez'.
  • Nick: Yeah, we were like 'TIIINAAA. NEWS JUST IN - WE HAD A MAD ONE, WHEEEYYYY!!!!' Did you get in trouble for that? Cause I didn't but Fifi did. Fifi, what time did you get in?
  • Fifi: I was here, but I fell asleep in the office.
  • Nick: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
  • Harry: Oh yeah, you weren't on time.
  • Nick: She got here at about 7:45 and we came on air at 6:30. And then she fell asleep on the floor in here and big boss Ben busted her, and she got in trouble.
  • Harry: Oh, yeah yeah yeah.
  • Nick: Did YOU get in trouble?
  • Harry: Ummmmmmmmmm, a little bit. I think it was more like 'Oh, I saw you on Grimmy's show.' I was like 'Yeeeaaaah' And they were like 'You didn't sound very good, did you?'
  • Nick: 'Well, I just thought I'd do extra promo! Helping you guys out! Shift a few copies!'
  • Harry: Socializing.
  • Nick: Yeah. Can't do that now.
  • The boys going through a drivethru, Ignis pulls up to the intercom
  • Ignis: Yeah can I get 4 cheeseburgers...
  • Prompto: *drumming on the dashboard*
  • Ignis: 4 milkshakes...
  • Prompto: * still drumming on the dashboard*
  • Ignis: Prompto if you don't stop drumming you're not getting fries. 4 Fri--
  • Prompto: * still drumming on the dashboard*
  • Ignis: You know what? 3 Fries. You didn't think I'd do it did you?
  • naruto: idk i think i dont really wanna be hokage anymore
  • sasuke: huh?
  • naruto: i mean like. it was kind of a kiddy dream, right? i don't really think i want the job, i don't think i'd be very good at it. i just wanted the acknowledgement, really, but i've got that! and i've got friends, and family... i think i'm good.
  • sasuke: that's good, then.
  • naruto: but idk what else to do with my life if i don't do that, you know? that was the whole plan.
  • sasuke: are you asking me for advice?
  • naruto: i mean, i guess?
  • sasuke: dude i didn't plan to live past like, max 17. i'm wingin' absolutely everything here.
  • naruto: dude
  • sasuke: why do you think all my decisions are so poorly thought out?
  • naruto: because you're stupid?
  • sasuke: shut the fuck up
  • [McDonald's DriveThru, Camila is drumming in the backseat]
  • Normani: Yeah, let me get five cheeseburgers, five milkshakes--
  • [turns to Camila]
  • Normani: Camila, if you don't stop drumming, you're not getting fries.
  • [Camila stops.] [Back to the box]
  • Normani: Five fri-- [Camila starts again.] You know what, four fries. [to Camila] Four fries -- you didn't think I'd do it, did you?
About Ye Xiu

In the novel he has greasy hair, smelly clothes, pasty skin and even has a little chub. Basically, everything about his appearance screams that he’s any old bum that you’d meet on the streets.

What’s funny is that, despite all this, the QZGS fandom is thirsty for him anyway…

Is it his personality? No, but this is Ye Xiu we’re talking about, the walking definition of shameless. He’s rude to everyone he meets and never holds back when it comes to draining other people’s resources. He’s incredibly arrogant too. How is this… attractive?

What a mystery.

What are your thoughts?