It’s not about eating. It’s about coping with everything that comes after. Bloated tummy, feeling the blood running through your veins, beating heart… altogether that uncomfortable feeling you have after being brave and finishing your whole meal.
You are so fully aware of everything what’s going on in your body and it’s all you can think or feel.
And still you have to go through this all. So you can feel better again someday. Be healthy, and strong. And free from all these bad feelings and thoughts you get when you even think about food or eating or your own body.
And It’s so damn hard. Probably the hardest thing you will ever do. Because you have to fight against your own mind, against the illness what’s in your own mind. And still you have to remember and understand that your eating disorder isn’t the same thing as you, it’s an illness and you are ill. You are not the problem, your eating disorder is the problem.
And every day you have to try again, believe it’s possible, and what’s most important; remember it’s all worth it
You deserve so much better than this. You don’t need to suffer anymore ♡
Taking photos of someone without their permission is bullying, and that is not okay
Spreading rumors about someone is bullying, and it is not okay
Making fun of someone is bullying, and it is not okay
Physically hurting someone to seem “tough” is bullying, and it is not okay
Making someone’s life miserable is bullying, and it is not okay.
None of this is ever okay.
Bullying is real. Bullying is traumatic. It changes people for the worst. It makes people insecure. It makes people reclusive and afraid of social interaction. Stop purposely hurting people for the sake of “laughs”. Stop invalidating people’s trauma by telling them “it’s a part of life” and that they should “suck it up”. Instead, make people feel good about themselves. Spread positivity. It isn’t “cringey” to be a light on this earth, and the fact that people believe that wanting to make the world a better place makes you a “cringey SJW” is ridiculous. Be a light, be positive, and stop tearing others down. It will never get you anywhere, and it isn’t funny. It was never funny.
it’s so important to remember that even though looking back on your eating disorder you might think “it wasn’t that bad” or “it was worth being skinny”, you don’t remember how bad it truly was. eating disorders can warp your perception and make you forget the pain you were in and only see how your body looked. i can guarantee you that going back there is a bad idea, and you are so much happier in recovery than you ever were or ever will be when overcome by an ed.
It’s not easy dealing with anxiety and depression-I KNOW-I’m with you-but it is SO important to try every day-do what you can every day.
If ALL you can do is get your water intake goal for the day-do that.
If it’s wipe down your counters-do that.
If it’s get your dog out to potty-do that.
Set your daily goals based on what you can reasonably do for the day-recovery shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself, it should make you feel better and get better.
You have to balance your challenges and pushing yourself with what is reasonable for the day too.
Some days will be a challenge, especially in the beginning of your recovery and some days it will feel impossible. But if you keep at it-it will get better and more better days will happen in a row. I promise. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be set backs or bad days in the future-but that does NOT mean that you are relapsing and even if you do have a relapse-it doesn’t mean that you have failed!
Just keep going. Because even a set back after you have come so far means that you have made progress because it won’t last as long as they did before, it won’t be as bad as it was as before because you ARE making progress. And sometimes it won’t feel like it-but you are getting better. Sometimes they are small steps and you won’t notice the improvements but you are making them.
Don’t give up. Keep working on your recovery, you are worth it and you deserve it.
How to keep a positive/loving mindset more easily (as requested):
1. Learn how to love yourself.
I think this is essential because once you truly love yourself, your mindset is different. Once you’ve learned how to love & accept yourself, it’s easier to love & accept others. It’s easier to keep a positive mindset because you aren’t so hard on yourself anymore. Your thoughts are now building you up, instead of tearing you down. You’ll feel like you’re on a natural high. You’ll feel limitless, free, & full of life.
2. Try to remember not to take things personally, that your worth is not dependent on someone else, & that you are in charge of your own happiness.
If you can remember this, it will feel as if a weight was lifted off of your shoulders, knowing that nothing others do has to do with who you are as a person, knowing that you are more than enough no matter what anyone else says, & knowing that you can choose thoughts that make you happy at any moment.
I hope this was helpful! I will post more specific steps as soon as I can. :)
@beyondthemoor Because it was her birthday and I wanted to have this done in time, but I’m a terrible person, so here it is late. Happy birthday fandom mother!
“The blue one is the use once in the morning right after waking up, and again right before going to sleep. This will help repair your lungs. The red one is to carry around and use if you feel like you need it.”
Sakura handed over both inhalers to Itachi who took them with a grimace. She felt sorry for him when she remembered how she felt when they told her the same thing only hours ago when she woke up. Her surgery had gone smoother in comparison to poor Itachi’s. He was trying to be brave about it, but there was going to be a long recovery for him to go through before he could put on a uniform again. The same could be said for her, but at least she knew recovery was possible. Itachi had gotten it the worst out of all of them.
“If you need it, I’ll remind you each day.” She tapped the blue box and it was enough to make him look up and grin.
“You think I’ll need it?”
“I think you’ll be difficult until you have the attention,” she answered, crossing her arms. There was a familiar sort of knowing in her eyes that came from nearly a lifetime of knowing the Uchiha that was Itachi.
His smile was soft even when he tried to be teasing. “Then please take good care of me, housemate.”
Sakura groaned, sliding down in the chair across from Itachi. “Really? You gotta rub it in, don’t you?”
“Allow me this one joy.”
“You’re all overreacting, I swear. Nothing happened.”
Itachi’s smile fell away and his eyes turned hard. “A wanted criminal with a record as violent and vile as they come took advantage of the situation and snuck into your hospital room the day after your surgery. No one cares that all he did was leave flowers, that’s not the point. He bypassed the security detail and was around you when you were most vulnerable. He could have done anything he wanted when he was alone with you. He’s taunting us.”
Sakura bit her bottom lip and held her elbows. She hated how she wanted to defend Madara, a wanted criminal that had once been one of her most treasured people. She felt guilt for still holding a part of him in her heart. She hadn’t turned around and hated him like Itachi had, and Sakura suspected she never would.
Madara, as cruel as he may be to the rest to the world, was nothing but soft and kind with her. It was a tempting sort of feeling, to be the only thing loved by a man who hated the rest of the world. She wouldn’t lie, it made her feel special, even though she knew it was only because of how they shared a close history. She could have been any other girl in that same situation and Madara would have felt just as strongly.
“I don’t think he wanted to hurt me, and really, our efforts should be elsewhere. The force is left so thin now by all the officers on medical leave. I don’t know if that’s what Kabuto wanted, but it’s no coincidence that his associates have doubled their movements to and from Oto.”
“True, but Kabuto is not moving right now; he’s too scared,” Itachi muttered, looking down at the boxes in his hands. “He miscalculated and pissed off the wrong mob lord.”
Sakura blinked, remembering the hushed conversation outside her hospital room. “So, it is true, what they were saying about Madara going on a vengeance spree. They wouldn’t tell me.”
“I asked them not to.” Itachi looked up at her from where he sat in bed. “You deserve some peace for recovery, and if you found out I knew you would want to look further into.”
Sakura felt tense inside her body, like her arms, legs, chest, and face were all part of a suit she had climbed into and outgrown while inside. She felt tight and trapped. Below her ribcage was a fluttering desire to break free and be useful. Refusing such an urge would only leave her feeling agitated, but she knew the Uchiha wouldn’t understand that coming from her. She had been a child too long in their eyes to not need extra doting at a time like this.
“I still do. I need to be helpful in some way, even like this.”
Itachi glared at her and it was cutting enough to make Sakura flinch. A second later Itachi realized his mistake and looked away, cheeks reddening. “Don’t,” he whispered in that raw voice of his, still sore from surgery. “Don’t push yourself again. That’s the whole reason you’re here.”
“I don’t regret it.”
“I do. You were in sub par condition going into that building, and you were in charge of getting those other two out, both of which are okay and have already been discharged. They didn’t take as much of the smoke as you did.”
She looked away, uncomfortable with the unspoken accusation. Itachi was the only one who could say it out loud, but the second he did she’d bite back about he was just as much of a self destructive hypocrite as her and they’d both be sorry afterwords. Neither of them wanted that. She didn’t know what his reasons were, but she knew well enough that he stood in the same darkness of self destructive tendencies, maybe even more than her.
“It was bad all around,” she weakly offered.
Itachi might have said something more, but didn’t. He took her words and nodded, looking back down at the inhalers in his hands. For a while the pair of them sat in silence, content with the breeze from the open window and the feel of sunshine. Regardless of the state of the world, it was a nice day and it had been too long since either of them enjoyed one of those.
Sakura felt herself slipping and didn’t stop it when her body slouched down into a comfortable curl in the armchair that let her fall the rest of the way asleep. She felt like she could sleep around Itachi better than she could on her own. A little nap would be nicer than the fitful sleeps at night when the world was dark.
“Sakura?” Itachi’s voice was a whisper.
She mumbled something and turned her head into the seat, nestling. Outside someone with a window open was listening to Fleetwood Mac and it carried like a lullaby. Just what she needed.
I haven’t been on in a while because there’s a lot that’s been weighing on my mind about how my account and my posts are perceived by others. I know of so many blogs (including my own) that say things like “not pro anything”, yet post nothing but images of underweight girls and boys and how good being empty makes them feel. If you were to go onto my blog, you’d think I was happy and in control of my body and weightloss; sure, I probably had unhealthy habits, but I was a part of a caring and open community that actively encouraged me to stay safe. As far as I can tell, the second part is pretty much true–there is a community on here and anyone would be horrified to learn that their dangerous behaviors actively encourage others to follow in suit. I am not trying to delegitimize anyone. I know most people use tumblr as a safe space to vent and not feel so alone in their disorder. However, appearances are deceiving. I am not happy and bubbly. I’ve been binging and purging for the past two and a half months straight (initially, with tips I found online). I restrict heavily during the day. My hair is falling out because nothing stays in my system long enough to be absorbed. My muscles are much weaker than they used to be and my teeth are extremely sensitive. I cry pretty much everyday because of the guilt I feel from binging, and because even though I purge until my knuckles bleed, all I see in the mirror is a fat failure. This is not a happy, positive blog, nor should it be a motivating one. After this is seen, I will eventually delete my blog. I’m planning on talking to my school counselor about my options. I know having an eating disorder is a secretive disease, but if I encourage anyone to do anything, it would be to seek help as well. You deserve better than photoshopped bodies and osteoporosis and organ failure and crying over the one guarantee you have in life, your body. You deserve health and recovery, and I hope with 16,000 followers, this can reach further than thinspo ever did.
How many times do you reach your hand out, before you accept the fact that they don’t want to grab on? How many “read” messages without a response, are too many?
There is some kind of therapeutic quote out there that says write until it doesn’t hurt anymore, but it’s been 5 years. So I mean, how much longer do you write about something before you feel comfortable putting it to rest?
I managed to re-open a carefully sealed wound, and I’m barely keeping my head above water. Everything reminds me of you, and it hurts. I hope one day you realize truly how worthy you are, and you do not deserve to live in shame.